@TurtleMomma I plan to save money for my baby for college. If he decides he doesn't want to go, then he has money to buy a car, go to a vocational school, or just to get him started when he moves out. My parents did the same for me. We call it a college fund, but it could be for other things if needed. But I don't plan to touch any of it until he is 18ish.
Agreed... My parents completely funded my college degree and it made starting out after college so much easier for me. DH's parents paid for half of his and while that was super helpful, we're still paying off his debts from college. We'd be paying forever if that cost was doubled. And, if I hadn't gone to college, that would have just been more for my parents to put towards retirement. So really, I can only see the positives in setting that money aside if it's something that you can swing.
All of this, except his parents didn't help at all, except to cosign for 3 HUGE loans with no explanation of how they would work when he got out of school. Then he didn't even graduate, and in addition to paying on all the loans, we are footing the bill for him to be back in school now. Luckily, we've buckled down hard and we're within 4 payments of paying off the second of the three (hopefully before baby comes, if nothing huge comes up). I really hope to be in the position to help my kids pay for their education.
Maybe this is unpopular: I'll be deeply, deeply disappointed if my kid(s) don't go to college, *at least* for a bachelor's degree. I tie my identity probably an unhealthy amount to my own educational attainment.
If people want to marry someone of a different belief system, that's fine by me, but I couldn't do it. It would bother me too much for my partner to be so incredibly wrong about life (from my point of view). It makes me wonder how much someone really believes whatever they do if they think other beliefs are just as worthwhile.
Burger King announced they will begin adding Mac N Cheetos to their menu. I don't know why but this makes me feel uncomfortable and nausous. I'm not a fan of mac n cheese in the first place but deep frying it and rolling it in cheetos makes me wanna puke. lol
SO and I have been together: 5 Years+ BFP: 03/10 First Baby: 10/20/2016
I just remembered mine cause I forgot, so I'll just add another one. I think when a toddler horrendously is mean to another child telling them to say sorry is completely pointless and doesn't teach children the true deep meaning of sorry. I mean they should still know when to say it but that word being the only dicipline is not enough for them to truly get it. A time out, getting the toy taken away from them, having to leave the fun and sit in another room for awhile, stand in the corner is much more effective in my opinion. Sorry when your 2 is the easy way out and no 2 year old is truly going to understand the meaning behind it. Hey I totally clobbered this girl with a toy, all I have to do is say sorry and that's it. Doesn't seem like enough to me. This opinion comes from my SIL who has a 2 year old from another relationship and her little boy is a complete bully and they only make him say sorry as my kid is sobbing cause he has been mean. If it were my kid he would be taken and put in a corner and not allowed to play and have to stay there until he quit screaming.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This as I've just finished reading ALL about the Brexit.
Though yeah, I agree. Because obviously.
Brexit, what happens when the uneducated masses make major decisions... Although there is a silver lining for everyone else - the market has been open for an hour and the British Pound has already crashed. Now is a great time to buy some dirt cheap British products or visit
@RainMira9e - don't be too disappointed... depending on what their dream is will determine if traditional college makes sense for them. Don't get me wrong, I want my kids to go to college and make millions doing whatever they do so that they're smart and life is fun and easy for them. But my dad came from nothing and did what he could, which was go to cosmetology school. Not a traditional college, but he was able to realize his dream of becoming a business owner because of it and now makes more than I do as a college graduate by running a very successful salon and day spa... and he's probably happier in his job than I am too.
ETA: When I say life is easy for them, I mean they don't have to stress over what bills get paid this month or things like that.... that kind of easy.
I live in England so I voted, I voted remain, i am worried what will now happen to our country our PM has even stepped down so goodness knows who will run us soon.
@bnsmith85 It's more about valuing knowledge than money. I know you can do that without a formal education, too. It's just something that's important to me.
This is super unpopular with almost everyone I know: I don't think there's anything wrong with having opposite sex friends when you're married. Many of my closest friends are guys, many of my husband's are women. We've merged our friend groups, we introduce the other to anyone they don't know, we know why is and isn't appropriate, and we trust each other. So there's never been an issue.
It's the same way in my relationship. I have a lot of male friends right now (just kind of worked out that way when we moved). I hang out with them with and without my husband, but I introduced them to him and now, we are all close. At first, he was a little uncomfortable with it because this is probably the first time in our relationship that the majority of my friends were male, but I made sure he got to know them and see they respect me, him, and our marriage. Now, he's perfectly cool with it. I think as long as you are open and honest with your so about the friendships there are no issues.
I'm agnostic and my hubby is Christian, we make it work. He understands my views and I respect his. We have both agreed to let our daughter choose when she's old enough to understand religion.
My UO: I think it's unfair to impose religious beliefs on children, there's absolutely no way a child can understand the gravity or nature of God or religion, they just mimic what they see. Instill morality and the do unto others philosophy and let them choose when they are ready.
We never baptized my 7 year old my ex is an atheist and I just don't belive in organized religion. My mother the pain in the ass she is attempted to baptize my son at 10 weeks behind my back I got wind of it from a family member and had to call the church to inform them that this was against my wishes. Needless to say my son is not baptized to this day.
This as I've just finished reading ALL about the Brexit.
Though yeah, I agree. Because obviously.
Brexit, what happens when the uneducated masses make major decisions... Although there is a silver lining for everyone else - the market has been open for an hour and the British Pound has already crashed. Now is a great time to buy some dirt cheap British products or visit
Yes, and this is how we ended up with Trump as an actual presidential candidate.
However I do like your suggestions regarding products and visiting! I wish I could go. Though I think I will keep a closer eye on british Hipp and Holle formula now!
We never baptized my 7 year old my ex is an atheist and I just don't belive in organized religion. My mother the pain in the ass she is attempted to baptize my son at 10 weeks behind my back I got wind of it from a family member and had to call the church to inform them that this was against my wishes. Needless to say my son is not baptized to this day.
I could TOTALLY see my mother doing this. I have had strangers at her church inform me that they are praying for my soul (I'm openly pro-reason), so I bet they'll be praying for this baby's soul as well.
I'm late to the party here but I have a genuine question & would welcome opinions...
I am Christian & my H is for the most part, agnostic. We live in TX & the majority of the daycares in our vicinity are church affiliated. The one that I'm really leaning toward is right around the corner from my work & has the best ratings. I've had several friends who have had their kids there & I've heard nothing but rave reviews. The teachers are very interactive & genuine and there is a lot of communication between teachers & parents. That being said, it is part of a school system that is non-denominational Christian. My H does not want our LO to go to a church affiliated daycare because he doesn't want beliefs forced on her & wants her to be able to make that decision for herself when the time comes. I get & respect that, but...I also don't think at the daycare level that it's going to matter that much in the long-run. It's overall just a good school, which is the most important thing to me. Out of the maybe 15 daycares in our area, I believe all but 3 are church affiliated & those 3 are not the highest rated. I am in a true predicament because our options truly are limited. Curious about what you guys think about this?
@Kaessi I'm with you on this. I don't want my kids going to religious school but I would use a religiously affiliated daycare if it was the best option. Just being so close to your work is a huge selling point. Maybe if you compromise and agree that down the line you're ok with making the choice based on religious affiliation but that for your current needs, this is the best option.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@Kaessi We also have this problem. In Germany almost all daycares are affiliated with the protestant or Catholic Church. It REALLY bothers me but I think similarly to you - there's very little they can do to brainwash kids, especially if they have sensible parents at home. I simply asked and looked around to assess how much religious instruction goes on. Usually it's very little here but from what I hear about Texas you may have a different story... Basically I'd just ask. Even if you choose to send your child to a daycare with a lot of religious instruction, it'd be good to know some of their specific opinions on the matter, especially as you are having a girl.
I'm dreading that daycare decision when it comes as I don't want our daughter to go to a church affiliated one let alone a religious private school. Why can't there be secular options??!! So frustrating
For daycare as a baby, under 1, I'd be more willing to compromise, but when they're older not as.much.
I really think that the most important thing is you guys- the parents. Your child will make their own decision about their beliefs one day regardless, and it's ok to be exposed to different ideas when very young if you have parents around to answer your questions in a non-biased way. I would definitely go with the highly rated, nearby school. You will know down the road if things become a problem.
@kaessi This would bother me, too, as an atheist (and I'm in Texas, so yay for when that comes along - for now I'll just have to deal with my very Christian mother watching the baby...) I would (or have your husband, really) look into how they incorporate their religious practices. Maybe they just sing songs. There's really no reason that your kid needs to take "Jesus loves me" more seriously than "Puff the Magic Dragon." I would draw the line at things like telling them about hell or that they should discriminate against people for various reasons. I agree that anything truly appropriate for a child won't be too compromising - so if they are really a wonderful daycare, their beliefs shouldn't change that.
@Kaessi (and others! Mobile sucks for tagging- sorry) We haven't had that dilemma for daycare, but it is a big discussion for us for middle and high schools. The public schools around here are "ok" and getting worse (thanks Scott Walker), so we are seriously considering a private, church-affiliated school for our kids. On a moral level I struggle with the idea of putting my kiddos in an indoctrination type of environment, but the benefit of overall educational level is currently winning out.
To be fair, it is different for a small child vs. an obstinate teenager. Little kiddos are so much more impressionable than grown kids, so your concerns are very valid. I agree with the suggestion of finding out just how much daily activity will be happening. Prayers before meals/snacks, songs, religious holidays, bible lessons, etc.
@Kaessi I went to Catholic school from kindergarten through high school, and then to a Lutheran college and I'm an atheist, so that went well for my parents.
Seriously, though, I agree with the others. Do a tour or a visit if you can and see if you're comfortable with the level of religious teaching involved. Some day cares are only religious in that they're affiliated with a church. Others have weekly prayer services, daily prayers and more religion-based lessons and stories. No matter how good the day care is, if you aren't comfortable with it, it isn't right for your family.
Re: UO Thursday (6/23/16)
If people want to marry someone of a different belief system, that's fine by me, but I couldn't do it. It would bother me too much for my partner to be so incredibly wrong about life (from my point of view). It makes me wonder how much someone really believes whatever they do if they think other beliefs are just as worthwhile.
SO and I have been together: 5 Years+
BFP: 03/10
First Baby: 10/20/2016
I think when a toddler horrendously is mean to another child telling them to say sorry is completely pointless and doesn't teach children the true deep meaning of sorry. I mean they should still know when to say it but that word being the only dicipline is not enough for them to truly get it. A time out, getting the toy taken away from them, having to leave the fun and sit in another room for awhile, stand in the corner is much more effective in my opinion. Sorry when your 2 is the easy way out and no 2 year old is truly going to understand the meaning behind it. Hey I totally clobbered this girl with a toy, all I have to do is say sorry and that's it. Doesn't seem like enough to me. This opinion comes from my SIL who has a 2 year old from another relationship and her little boy is a complete bully and they only make him say sorry as my kid is sobbing cause he has been mean. If it were my kid he would be taken and put in a corner and not allowed to play and have to stay there until he quit screaming.
Brexit, what happens when the uneducated masses make major decisions... Although there is a silver lining for everyone else - the market has been open for an hour and the British Pound has already crashed. Now is a great time to buy some dirt cheap British products or visit
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
ETA: When I say life is easy for them, I mean they don't have to stress over what bills get paid this month or things like that.... that kind of easy.
My UO: I think it's unfair to impose religious beliefs on children, there's absolutely no way a child can understand the gravity or nature of God or religion, they just mimic what they see. Instill morality and the do unto others philosophy and let them choose when they are ready.
However I do like your suggestions regarding products and visiting! I wish I could go. Though I think I will keep a closer eye on british Hipp and Holle formula now!
I could TOTALLY see my mother doing this. I have had strangers at her church inform me that they are praying for my soul (I'm openly pro-reason), so I bet they'll be praying for this baby's soul as well.
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
I am Christian & my H is for the most part, agnostic. We live in TX & the majority of the daycares in our vicinity are church affiliated. The one that I'm really leaning toward is right around the corner from my work & has the best ratings. I've had several friends who have had their kids there & I've heard nothing but rave reviews. The teachers are very interactive & genuine and there is a lot of communication between teachers & parents. That being said, it is part of a school system that is non-denominational Christian. My H does not want our LO to go to a church affiliated daycare because he doesn't want beliefs forced on her & wants her to be able to make that decision for herself when the time comes. I get & respect that, but...I also don't think at the daycare level that it's going to matter that much in the long-run. It's overall just a good school, which is the most important thing to me. Out of the maybe 15 daycares in our area, I believe all but 3 are church affiliated & those 3 are not the highest rated. I am in a true predicament because our options truly are limited. Curious about what you guys think about this?
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
DS#2 due 25 April 2019
For daycare as a baby, under 1, I'd be more willing to compromise, but when they're older not as.much.
To be fair, it is different for a small child vs. an obstinate teenager. Little kiddos are so much more impressionable than grown kids, so your concerns are very valid. I agree with the suggestion of finding out just how much daily activity will be happening. Prayers before meals/snacks, songs, religious holidays, bible lessons, etc.
Seriously, though, I agree with the others. Do a tour or a visit if you can and see if you're comfortable with the level of religious teaching involved. Some day cares are only religious in that they're affiliated with a church. Others have weekly prayer services, daily prayers and more religion-based lessons and stories. No matter how good the day care is, if you aren't comfortable with it, it isn't right for your family.