UO Thursday (6/23/16)

westcoastfoodie

It's my favorite time of the week! Let's hear those UO's ladies! 

kathleenkat

Apparently this is a UO, but I don't think our congressmen should be paid 6 figures to do nothing. It's day 2 and they're still sitting on the floor. As someone who works to get paid way less than they do, I am quite baffled by their behavior over the years. Fuck working, I should go into politics! 

MRSCORKER

@kathleenkat The sit in is them doing something! Doing nothing would be them saying "Oh well, they voted down another common sense law that could save lives. Back to my yacht". Instead, they're demanding action on behalf of the people they represent. Desperate times call for desperate measures. 
I said this on the other thread but I do agree that they're generally useless and there is a lot broken about the system and their compensation but I'm actually happy to see them doing something for a change. If that means sitting on the floor until they can come to an agreement, I'm all for it. 

kathleenkat

MRSCORKER said:

@kathleenkat The sit in is them doing something! Doing nothing would be them saying "Oh well, they voted down another common sense law that could save lives. Back to my yacht". Instead, they're demanding action on behalf of the people they represent. Desperate times call for desperate measures. 
I said this on the other thread but I do agree that they're generally useless and there is a lot broken about the system and their compensation but I'm actually happy to see them doing something for a change. If that means sitting on the floor until they can come to an agreement, I'm all for it. 

It's weird to me that sitting on the floor is considered "doing something." You seem awfully invested in arguing in favor of this type of behavior, but heh, different strokes for different folks I guess. 

 There were multiple gun control things voted on the other day, all of which were voted against. Also baffling to me. Now they complain nothing was passed when literally everything was voted against, including by some of the people sitting on their asses. All I see are people who are mad that their specific measures did not pass, and rather than finding a way to come to an agreement they sit. On the floor. For days.

But hey, this is the UO thread, aka subject yourself to meaningless flame from anonymous internet people. Moving on with my day.

MRSCORKER

@kathleenkat Not flaming, just offering a different perspective. I can appreciate differing views and healthy debate, we don't have to agree and that's ok. 

kathleenkat

UO thread, where you post your opinion, people disagree with it and debate over it, further assessing it's UO-ness.

UO: this is kinda a pointless waste of our time, and I wonder why I'm even participating. Oh wait...boredom. yep.

Piperella

I think it's okay to have threads on the board that aren't the regularly weekly or daily posts.  I know this comes up from time to time, but sometimes there's a post in the random or symptom threads that is really interesting and gets buried quickly in those weekly posts.

ignoscemihi

@kathleenkat I think flaming requires hostility and insults.  It seems like what @MRSCORKER is doing is trying to engage in a respectful discussion.  That seems to me to be the best use of the UO thread.

Edited to clarify.

scostel2

My UO - I think a little bit disappointment about your baby's sex (or other characteristic like hair color, not looking like you, etc) isn't so bad.

I know a lot of people on the bump think its really shitty to be disappointed if you were hoping to be team blue and end up team pink, or vice-versa, and some think we put too much emphasis on caring about what sort of junk the baby is sporting below the belt. I think it's implied that at the baseline, all we *really* care about is that we have a happy healthy baby (and even the definition of healthy there varies). But I think it's okay to also have some preferences about silly things like the baby's sex and looks and things like that and also to have some disappointment pangs if those things don't end up happening, as long as you recognize that it's not actually a big deal. I don't agree with people who say, imho, obnoxious things like they have to "mourn" the boy they thought they were having. That's shitty and insensitive to people who have experienced actual loss. Also I think it would be shitty to express any of these sentiments to the kid as they grow up (i.e. "I was so sad when we found out you were a boy/had blonde hair/looked like your dad/etc). But having some feelings of disappointment when you're deleting some party dress pins from your secret pinterest board? Eh, I think it's okay and shouldn't make the mom to be feel like a bad person.

depineta

kathleenkat said:

 There were multiple gun control things voted on the other day, all of which were voted against. Also baffling to me. Now they complain nothing was passed when literally everything was voted against, including by some of the people sitting on their asses. All I see are people who are mad that their specific measures did not pass, and rather than finding a way to come to an agreement they sit. On the floor. For days.

Just to clarify, the votes happened in the Senate, not the House.  The House Dems are doing the sit-in to force a vote on different bills. 

blaf322

My UO: I don't understand people who aren't religious picking Godparents and a random church to have their child baptized just for the sake of doing it. Mine and DH best friends did it with their son and their going to do it with their daughter that's on the way. I'm going to be their daughter's Godmother, and will be there to support whatever they want to do... but I just don't think it makes sense. 

I understand wanting a Godparent-like figure for your child, I just don't understand the whole ceremony in some random church if that is literally the only time they'll be in a church until they can start making their own decisions about religion.

booksandicecream

US politics... Ask me again why I love Europe?

My UO: I like when people comment on my bump! Yes, even strangers. 

CopperBoom86

books&icecream said:

My UO: I like when people comment on my bump! Yes, even strangers. 

Me too! Me too! I think we're definitely in the minority on this one, though! 

Piperella

@bnsmith I don't understand Godparents and the custom behind that, but is that legally binding?  I ask because while I need to update my DH's will and my own with who would take legal custody of them if something were to happen to both of us (which we kind of already did with our frozen blastocysts), I don't understand how a godparent works into that.  I'm guessing it is typically the same thing but is being a godparent more of a religious thing with no legal ramifications?

blaf322

@Piperella ... actually, I looked this up because I thought the whole thing was crazy when they picked the Godparents for their son a couple of years ago and was wondering the same (since the Godparents are unrelated and hours away from each other and from where we all are). Basically, it is not legally binding. Unless it's discussed by the parents/Godparents, it's not expected that the Godparents will take custody if something happens to the parents. Technically, they're supposed to be there for spiritual guidance and, in more modern times, guidance on life in general. Also, they're supposed to just be another solid adult figure in the child's life, outside of their parents.


ETA: they're like a southerner's version of an aunt... or your mom's best friend from college who you can lean on for anything

krzyriver

@scostel2 I do agree that some disappointment is ok, especially if you were convinced it was one and you were wrong. You get attached to the idea. However, I don't think it's something that ever needs to be expressed. I've been involved in a few FB groups were women felt the need to announce their disappointment and people rushed to console them. If you're *that* disappointed that they baby isn't the sex you wanted that you need to vent about it and have people reassure you that everything is going to be ok, then I think you're having children for the wrong reasons. 

scostel2

books&icecream said:

US politics... Ask me again why I love Europe?

My UO: I like when people comment on my bump! Yes, even strangers. 

I like it when they say nice things! I'm not showing a ton so I haven't had it happen a lot, but when I have it's usually people at work with weird pseudo-compliments that are kind of shitty. Even those I generally don't get too bent out of shape over, because I know they probably mean well, except the lady who told me she was surprised my face hadn't gotten fat yet.

krzyriver

@Piperella We are Godparents to my husband's best friend's daughter because our religious views more closely resemble hers. But if something happened to her or her husband, I assume our goddaughter would go to her sister and husband. Guardians is somehing you figure out when you put your will together, not during baptism.

blaf322

@books&icecream @CopperBoom86 ... I agree! I've only had positive comments so far though. I can imagine that I'd probably feel differently if the comments that were made weren't so positive or were hurtful (albeit unintentional)

scostel2

krzyriver said:

@scostel2 I do agree that some disappointment is ok, especially if you were convinced it was one and you were wrong. You get attached to the idea. However, I don't think it's something that ever needs to be expressed. I've been involved in a few FB groups were women felt the need to announce their disappointment and people rushed to console them. If you're *that* disappointed that they baby isn't the sex you wanted that you need to vent about it and have people reassure you that everything is going to be ok, then I think you're having children for the wrong reasons. 

I kind of feel that way about any AW "feel bad for me for something stupid" posts haha. I think it's one thing to express it to your husband or your best friend or maybe even to your board or FB group in a way that shows it's not that big of a deal, but I agree that if you really need reassurance that you're still going to love your kid just because it has (or does not have) certain parts, there's probably bigger issues.

ibabyloveb87

Kind of on the subject of strangers comments on the bump, my UO is that I really don't care if people touch my belly. I mean as long as we have spoken before and I know your name, go for it. It doesn't bother me at all. I may feel this way as I have not yet had a complete stranger try to touch it, but I also live in a small town so I see mostly people I know. 

This is kind of a weird concept for me because I'm not a touchy-feely, huggy person at all! I'm a side-hugger with everyone. 

Piperella

You learn something new every day!  Thanks @bnsmith85 and @krzyriver! 

MRSCORKER

My UO: I LOATHE The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I don't judge those who dig it, we all need a good guilty pleasure but the concept of the show just creeps me out. 

westcoastfoodie

bnsmith85 said:

My UO: I don't understand people who aren't religious picking Godparents and a random church to have their child baptized just for the sake of doing it. Mine and DH best friends did it with their son and their going to do it with their daughter that's on the way. I'm going to be their daughter's Godmother, and will be there to support whatever they want to do... but I just don't think it makes sense. 

I understand wanting a Godparent-like figure for your child, I just don't understand the whole ceremony in some random church if that is literally the only time they'll be in a church until they can start making their own decisions about religion.

SO MUCH THIS. Yes. We have friends who are not religious at all and my husband is the baby's godfather (not sure why, we're athiest/agnostic), although to them I think they're thinking more along the lines of guardianship because if anything happens to them they have named us as guardians. I'm not the god mother because in their family's tradition they pick someone from either side of the parent's family/friend pool. Then my husband asked me who I wanted our son's godparents to be and I told him that he shouldn't have them because we don't believe in any certain god or follow religion. Technically a godparent is someone who is there to help guide the child in their spiritual and religious life, so for us, this is unnecessary. He likes the tradition of giving someone a title, but we are not doing a baptism or anything.

Of course there was a bit of an argument because IF he must insist on someone having a title, I would want it to be family. However, his family is basically his friends, but I have siblings that I feel the title should go to. Nothing has been said about it for a few months so I'm just going to keep quiet. We've already agreed on guardianship, so hopefully we're going to end up just drafting a will saying our kids will go to my brother and vise versa if anything happens. 

Piperella

MRSCORKER said:

My UO: I LOATHE The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I don't judge those who dig it, we all need a good guilty pleasure but the concept of the show just creeps me out. 

I'm so sorry to read your UO.  I totally agree with you except these last two seasons.  I've totally gotten sucked in and I hate to miss an episode.  What is wrong with me!?!

ignoscemihi

My husband and I are agnostic (well, I'm an atheist; he's agnostic), so we didn't baptize, but I think a lot of my non-religious family members in my age group did because it's just what you do in my large (my dad is one of 13 kids) Catholic family.  And godparents are seen much more as just someone who gets you good presents than someone who provides spiritual guidance.  I'm my oldest nephew's godmother and I am sure my Lutheran brother-in-law doesn't want my spiritual advice anywhere near his child but my godson does get slightly more expensive Christmas gifts than his brother  

MRSCORKER

Piperella said:

MRSCORKER said:

My UO: I LOATHE The Bachelor/Bachelorette. I don't judge those who dig it, we all need a good guilty pleasure but the concept of the show just creeps me out. 

I'm so sorry to read your UO.  I totally agree with you except these last two seasons.  I've totally gotten sucked in and I hate to miss an episode.  What is wrong with me!?!

Haha, that's why it's a guilty pleasure show. I hate watch a few myself (*cough* The Duggars *Cough*). That's why I don't judge. Glass houses and all of that.

blaf322

ignoscemihi said:

My husband and I are agnostic (well, I'm an atheist; he's agnostic), so we didn't baptize, but I think a lot of my non-religious family members in my age group did because it's just what you do in my large (my dad is one of 13 kids) Catholic family.  And godparents are seen much more as just someone who gets you good presents than someone who provides spiritual guidance.  I'm my oldest nephew's godmother and I am sure my Lutheran brother-in-law doesn't want my spiritual advice anywhere near his child but my godson does get slightly more expensive Christmas gifts than his brother  

this is exactly what I think is crazy. Whatever works for your family.... but choosing just to choose? What's the purpose?

ibabyloveb87

@Piperella Welcome to the dark side 

Piperella

ibabyloveb87 said:

@Piperella Welcome to the dark side 

I was sooo close to making posters and tshirts to wear on Bachelorette nights to help get rid of Chad.  I was yelling at my television.  Now that he's gone, I can watch it like a "sane" person.

ignoscemihi

bnsmith85 said:

ignoscemihi said:

My husband and I are agnostic (well, I'm an atheist; he's agnostic), so we didn't baptize, but I think a lot of my non-religious family members in my age group did because it's just what you do in my large (my dad is one of 13 kids) Catholic family.  And godparents are seen much more as just someone who gets you good presents than someone who provides spiritual guidance.  I'm my oldest nephew's godmother and I am sure my Lutheran brother-in-law doesn't want my spiritual advice anywhere near his child but my godson does get slightly more expensive Christmas gifts than his brother  

this is exactly what I think is crazy. Whatever works for your family.... but choosing just to choose? What's the purpose?

To be fair to my sister, they are actually fairly religious.  Their kids go to a religious school and they go to church every Sunday.  But I think with my other family members who aren't religious, it's just easier to appease their parents (and my grandparents) and baptize than to argue about it.  We live halfway across the country from my family, so we don't have to deal with it (though we wouldn't have baptized our children regardless)  Also, I think my cousins aren't anti-religion.  They just aren't as religious as my grandparents (who, for most of their lives, went to church at least twice a week).  I know there's no such thing as "culturally Christian," but that's as close a description as I can get.

ETA: Not to say it isn't weird.  It is.  It's just understandable.

MRSCORKER

We're discussing this baptism thing as well. I was raised going to church every sunday, H was not. We don't go to church and don't belong to one. My parents are already asking us about it. We may do it just to shut them up about it but even if we don't, my BFF will be an unofficial "God Mother". It will mean pretty much nothing except that I'm closer to her than my sisters and I want my child to see her as an Aunt.

Edited for grammar

Schell2013

I do not think someone who is religious should marry someone who isn't the same religion. For example a Christian and a atheist shouldn't be married. I just think it's one of those things you can't have work out in a marriage. At least in my experiences.

krzyriver

This is super unpopular with almost everyone I know: I don't think there's anything wrong with having opposite sex friends when you're married. Many of my closest friends are guys, many of my husband's are women. We've merged our friend groups, we introduce the other to anyone they don't know, we know why is and isn't appropriate, and we trust each other. So there's never been an issue.

ibabyloveb87

krzyriver said:

This is super unpopular with almost everyone I know: I don't think there's anything wrong with having opposite sex friends when you're married. Many of my closest friends are guys, many of my husband's are women. We've merged our friend groups, we introduce the other to anyone they don't know, we know why is and isn't appropriate, and we trust each other. So there's never been an issue.

I don't see a thing wrong with this. I love my girlfriends but man, guys are just so much easier to get along with sometimes! Before I was pregnant, the girls would all go to sleep/go home and you'd likely find me up hanging out/drinking with the boys. 

SuperNerd42

Schell2013 said:

I do not think someone who is religious should marry someone who isn't the same religion. For example a Christian and a atheist shouldn't be married. I just think it's one of those things you can't have work out in a marriage. At least in my experiences.

hmm this one makes me sad. I know many couples that aren't the same religion (or sect/denomination) and have done well so far. 

I am an atheist, but DH was raised Catholic and is still spiritual, although nonpracticing. If he decides to take it back up and take our kiddos I would have no problems with it, mommy just simply won't attend regular service (although I'd go for the "big hits" like church plays or baptism, etc.). As long as neither of us gets preachy or dogmatic about our own views, and respects the other person's beliefs we'll be fine

annabenanna

ibabyloveb87 said:

krzyriver said:

This is super unpopular with almost everyone I know: I don't think there's anything wrong with having opposite sex friends when you're married. Many of my closest friends are guys, many of my husband's are women. We've merged our friend groups, we introduce the other to anyone they don't know, we know why is and isn't appropriate, and we trust each other. So there's never been an issue.

I don't see a thing wrong with this. I love my girlfriends but man, guys are just so much easier to get along with sometimes! Before I was pregnant, the girls would all go to sleep/go home and you'd likely find me up hanging out/drinking with the boys. 

I don't see anything wrong with this either.  Lots of my guy friends are now SO's friends too.  SO doesn't have very many girl friends, but the ones he is friends with, I've gotten to know as well.  

TurtleMomma

I kind of think college funds for kids are silly. You can't guarantee your kid will even want to go to college. What then? I'm saving money for my kids' education, but it will go towards K-12, which I can guarantee and they will complete. College is their choice and their responsibility. 

krzyriver

@TurtleMomma I plan to save money for my baby for college. If he decides he doesn't want to go, then he has money to buy a car, go to a vocational school, or just to get him started when he moves out. My parents did the same for me. We call it a college fund, but it could be for other things if needed. But I don't plan to touch any of it until he is 18ish. 

blaf322

krzyriver said:

@TurtleMomma I plan to save money for my baby for college. If he decides he doesn't want to go, then he has money to buy a car, go to a vocational school, or just to get him started when he moves out. My parents did the same for me. We call it a college fund, but it could be for other things if needed. But I don't plan to touch any of it until he is 18ish. 

Agreed... My parents completely funded my college degree and it made starting out after college so much easier for me. DH's parents paid for half of his and while that was super helpful, we're still paying off his debts from college. We'd be paying forever if that cost was doubled. And, if I hadn't gone to college, that would have just been more for my parents to put towards retirement. So really, I can only see the positives in setting that money aside if it's something that you can swing.

NoraAurora

books&icecream said:

US politics... Ask me again why I love Europe?

This as I've just finished reading ALL about the Brexit. 

Though yeah, I agree. Because obviously.