My toddler put dog poop in his mouth this morning. Also, I decided to get a strawberry shake today. I got the "mini" expecting something kid-sized. Nope, still like 8 ounces. That is not mini. Fast food portion sizes are disgusting.
ETA - just checked. Nope, it's 10oz. WTF!?!? Gross, America.
I know I've mentioned the "friend" who got married at the courthouse for financial reasons and says that courthouse weddings don't count. Then neither of them are telling their parents, who are footing the massive bill for what they believe is the actual ceremony, which I think is dishonest. Anyway, I to her off about a month ago and to not talk to me about this bullshit anymore, and that I do not want to be a bridesmaid. It's the lying that really bothers me, not the wedding.
Well...her husband called DH today and asked him if he would be a groomsman! Not only that, but they are throwing a Bachelor/Bachelorette party in another city that is 6 hours away in August for 4 days, and want us to come and chip in for a cabin. DH didn't commit to anything, just said that he would talk to me about it. He also mentioned that I will still be pregnant in August, and our baby will be small when their wedding is going on early next year.
Wtf? I'm just very confounded. Plus, her husband told DH that if he accepts, to "keep it a secret." First of all, I am tired of secrets and lying, and second of all, did she not understand I do not want to be involved? I can't imagine trying to party for 4 days while almost in the 3rd trimester, and I have no desire to be in their wedding, or to even go. I haven't even known them a year! And we had hoped to go on our babymoon in August.
Am I being pregnant and crazy? How should I handle this? Being blunt obviously is not working. I just feel very, very uncomfortable supporting a couple that willingly lies to "close" friends and family.
@dmontgo At this point I would just call/email their parents. This is ridiculous and you have clearly expressed your disapproval with the situation. I also would not go. It isn't your job to help pay for their pre-wedding parties.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@Kate08Young Thank you for reassuring me I'm not being crazy. I have zero respect for them and even the thought of spending 4 days straight with them makes me want to hurl. It boggles my mind that she did not take what I said seriously.
@dmontgo You are so far from being crazy with this chick and her BS that it isn't even funny. She needs to grow up, and get over herself. Maybe you could have your DH mention that if they bring it up again you will make some calls to their families about them lying - since they are harassing you about it, after having told you that your marriage 'doesn't count'.
Maybe I'm a bit pissy about that comment. H and I did a court house, and so did my parents. I'm also ticked at my MIL for her typical stupidity, so take my advice with a big spoonful of salt.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@dmontgo exactly what @kate08young said! Call dis b!tches mom and be like, " Yo! Susan! Your daughter got married last month but she's crazier than a bag full of cats and still wants you to pay for her *real* wedding. Peace! Dmontgo out."
drops mic
Me:27 H:30 Till death do us part: 7.2.2011 Trying to conceive since 01.2014 Low AFC and azoospermia IVF #1 03.2016 - BFP 03.28.2016 Due: 12.05.2016
@Kate08Young I'm going to let DH handle this shizz. With the lying and the insults about courthouse weddings I would go nuclear seeing her or talking to her. We decided that we will not be in the wedding, go to the wedding, and we certainly will not change our travel plans to go to their "bachelor" party. DH fortunately feels the same way I do, and wants to celebrate us and our marriage and baby and not them. People are so rude and selfish. I wish it didn't surprise me but it always does. What foolishness is your MIL pulling?
@cayaylonglegs If I had her number or knew her full name I would call. I don't have a FB so it's harder for me to creep on people. It bothers me to my core to see people being taken advantage of or treated poorly. I hate it.
Whoa really? No. Leave her to her business. First off, I got married legally almost a year before my ceremony. We needed to get dh on my health insurance. We didn't advertise this as it was sharing our commitment with family and friends that was important to us. If someone had gone behind our backs and told our parents it wouldn't have been a huge deal to us or our parents but I would have been like ...wtf is wrong with that person...
if you don't want to go to their wedding, don't. If you don't want to go to the cabin, dont. I obviously don't know the whole story but I can't figure out from what you have written why you are reacting this way...
My in-laws have been in town since Wednesday morning and I need them to go. I can't even conceal my hostility at this point. H is gone, which makes it 12x worse. (They fly out tomorrow...phew!)
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@slartybartfast There's a lot more to the story starting from before their marriage (since we've met them). I mentioned some of it a long while back, but I'm not sure if you read it or saw it. She has a habit of lying when it benefits her.
It's not the wedding that bothers me. Having a courthouse wedding and then a ceremony later is very common in the military. That's not my problem. It's her saying that courthouse marriages do not count, and then using that as an excuse to keep family and friends paying for her wedding activities. To me, if someone is paying for your wedding, under the impression you are not married, I think it is dishonest to not tell them. Then to gloat that they don't know, teeheehee I'm getting my "real" wedding, that's an issue for me when I'm asked to participate in it.
Would I actually call her mom? No. You're right that it's not my business. But I don't think it's unreasonable to be bothered by that behavior.
@dmontgo - this sounds like one of those situations where, if you liked these people otherwise, you'd be like... Ah well. But it sounds like they just aren't your kind of people. In which case, cut ties? If they invite you to stuff and you keep politely declining, they'll move on. Unless your dh does like them. That's the only case that I could see this actually being a thing to fret over
@slartybartfast If a long-time friend asked me for my opinion, I would still support being honest. To me, it's the right thing to do when someone is going out of their way to do something special for you, especially when it costs time and a lot of money. We told our parents about our courthouse wedding, and we still celebrated later. I just like being straightforward with people because I would hope they would be straightforward with me.
I had told her previously how I felt about it (she asked for my opinion), especially her thoughts that courthouse marriages aren't real. I said I do not want to be in the wedding. So it just took me by surprise when the requests came up about us participating. I wasn't sure how much more plain I could have been. But I'm letting DH handle it this time. We can't cut ties completely in the sense that they are kind of in the same circle we are, but we don't hang out with them, ever, because she was being creepy about imitating me, so I was surprised they asked us to be in the wedding in the first place. Ah well.
@dmontgo H and I have a rule that no one post pictures of L anywhere. We have some pretty strict privacy settings for when we post things. MIL basically said 'F that! he's my grandson' and posted several pictures with a check-in on Facebook. She never limits who can see her posts, so joe blow that I have never met can now have pictures of my baby. So I had H call her, before I lost it. She said 'yeah, I guess that makes sense. I'll take it down' its been over 4 hrs and the post is still up. Mamma bear is going to have it out with grandma.
Formerly known as Kate08young August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Me: 28 H: 24 Married: 7/22/14 Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017. Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
@Kate08Young That would upset me too. >:( It's distressing when people don't respect your boundaries, especially when safety of a person, your child, is involved!
MIL and I found a solid wood book shelf and a great solid wood dresser for the nursery today at some yardsales. I spent $95. I'm so excited that we are doing such a good job at keeping things from being crazy expensive for our nursery. And I love that my MIL is the yardsale queen and totally loves that I didn't feel the need to buy all brand new furniture if I could help it.
FIL is building the crib which he and I talked about today and he knows what I want so that's great. And my Dad is buying the glider I want. I just can't wait to know what this baby is so we can start painting and all that fun stuff!
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
@dmontgo if it was me, I would not go to the wedding and I'd probably ask DH not to consider being part of it, even a long time friend I would rather go on my babymoon and spend that time with DH than shelling out money and time for something I wouldn't necessarily believe in/support. I hope you guys figure out what you want to do with the situation GL!
@ErikandAfton That is so cool your FIL is making a crib! I wish we had the equipment to do more DIY furniture projects. I love going to yardsales, too. Awesome job on the finds!
@R0824H DH told them we won't be going. Last night I felt irritated and confused, but a good night's sleep helped a lot. Life's too short to spend time doing things you feel uncomfortable with. Thank you for the positive vibes!
@dmontgo; do not go to any of the pre wedding events. do not spend a single dime on this "friend". DO go the wedding, eat all their free food, drink all their free booze, get some great photos of you and DH dressed fancy, and then make sure someone overhears you talking about how it's so great the happy couple has been able to have this huge celebration a year after they married. bring some to-go containers and big diaper bag so you can take some cake and a bottle of champagne to go, and dip out early under the premise that LO has to go to bed. then you and DH get to enjoy dessert with just each other. oh and as far as a wedding gift, a box of chocolates will suffice.
@dmontgo when dealing with liars and crazy "friends" I ask myself, "is this relationship worth the crazy that it brings into my life? Am I willing to fight for this and go deep or forget it and walk away?" If you need to walk away graciously exit and be the bigger person. I'd share my concern with my husband and let him decide what he wants to do, but tell him you don't feel comfortable lying for them.
I have just dealt with ending a 7 year long friendship with what I recently discovered is a highly controlling person. I kept trying to make it work but she's made it clear that there is a pattern of her being controlling and manipulative and it's going to continue. Nope. Not going to keep playing that.
@dmontgo; do not go to any of the pre wedding events. do not spend a single dime on this "friend". DO go the wedding, eat all their free food, drink all their free booze, get some great photos of you and DH dressed fancy, and then make sure someone overhears you talking about how it's so great the happy couple has been able to have this huge celebration a year after they married. bring some to-go containers and big diaper bag so you can take some cake and a bottle of champagne to go, and dip out early under the premise that LO has to go to bed. then you and DH get to enjoy dessert with just each other. oh and as far as a wedding gift, a box of chocolates will suffice.
@dmontgo - take the high road. I saw your update that H already declined. You're pregnant now - which is a great 'excuse' to miss the party and you'll have just had a baby for the wedding, which is a perfectly acceptable reason to miss something for people you actually like.
Dont engage in the drama. Bow out gracefully to each and every situation you're requested to be a part of. You gain nothing by handling this any way other than the high road. They don't need to be your friends. After you decline enough times, they'll stop inviting you and your friendship fizzles out naturally. I totally get your reasons for not wanting to be her friend. You will regret nothing if you handle it with grace.
@DiFazette You are 100% right. I don't want to act in a way that isn't true to who I am. I'm blunt, but I'm not a needlessly mean person. DH told them we won't be going because we will be traveling and it's a physically demanding time for me. He declined the groomsman position too, but wasn't rude about it. They didn't respond.
I'm feeling better emotionally once I got over the anger, and as long as I don't act upon any negative emotions, I won't have anything to regret. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm just going to focus on the important things for now. Thank you for the encouragement.
I would have probably posted this on Saturday, had I been on a computer much that day. But, Friday night we were running errands to get some stuff for the Father's Day celebration at my SIL's house on Saturday. We went one of the liquor stores in town to pick up some beer for DH, n/a wine for me (or grape juice), and something for my FIL.
While there, we ran into an ex of mine and his wife, who had recently moved back to town after moving away for a job she took... and wasn't even at a year. DH knows them well as they used to hang out (I met DH through a mutual friend, and just coincidence that they were friends; even was in their wedding). So we chatted with them for a bit, and they congrats us on our news (made public Thursday night), as I am friends with one of ex's sisters on FB and I am sure she spread the news to the two of them. We're all friendly, even though the wife is the girl that ex cheated on me with, but that was almost 10 years ago now.
Sunday morning, my SIL tags me in a post on FB, as we were asking our nephews what they think auntie and uncle are having, both said boys. The wife ended up liking the post (once good friends with SIL as they lived in the attached twinhome to one another), although isn't odd that the wife may like a post I tag SIL in, or whatever, but it JUST had me in it. Then, came the friend request. Um... you want to befriend, after all these years, the girl who your DH was dating when you two met, and he eventually cheated on her with you? Weird. Even DH thought that. Maybe she did it accidentally, I am not sure. I figured if it was on purpose, I'd probably seem like a B if I didn't accept. I just may keep her more private, as I don't really care to see what they've been up to. I am happy with the path that life gave me after him and I broke up, but it took a lot for me to trust many guys after that all went down.
Me: 37 years old
DH: 39 years old
Married: October 17, 2014 TTC Since: November 2015 BFP: March 31, 2016 DS: November 21, 2016
December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**
It's hard to say. When DH and I first started dating, he had a lot of garage parties and they would be invited. They'd come, and ex and I would never talk, but the wife never had an issue talking to me. Even when DH told ex we were dating, ex had some issues with it (like he thought I was dating DH to get back with him, ya know... YEARS after we broke up and now especially when he was just married. Um, no). But DH and ex had started not hanging out as much as they used to WAY before that, when the wife got a M-F job and was always around, so it wasn't just "the guys" who went out. So weird. I kind of wanted to leave it be for awhile and see if she noticed if she "accidentally" friend me, but I didn't.
Me: 37 years old
DH: 39 years old
Married: October 17, 2014 TTC Since: November 2015 BFP: March 31, 2016 DS: November 21, 2016
December'16 December Siggy Challenge: Elf on the Shelf Fails **winner**
Sometimes I go to the Tasty fb page or the Food Porn page (if you're unfamiliar with them it's the sped up videos of people cooking) and just watch all the videos and drool. Sometimes the things look disgusting and sometimes I want to eat all of the food.
June Siggy Challenge: Dad Fails
Married 7.28.2012 DD born 7.27.2014 BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
@ajstevenson No judgement...I started crying just after reading the original post and the first gif underneath it. (Shoutout to the lovely @comealongponds!) It got worse from there.
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@ajstevenson No judgement...I started crying just after reading the original post and the first gif underneath it. (Shoutout to the lovely @comealongponds!) It got worse from there.
Re: Randoms 6/18
Also, I decided to get a strawberry shake today. I got the "mini" expecting something kid-sized. Nope, still like 8 ounces. That is not mini. Fast food portion sizes are disgusting.
ETA - just checked. Nope, it's 10oz. WTF!?!? Gross, America.
i agree that portion sizes are most definitely getting bigger, it needs to stop. @slartybartfast
BFP#1 & MC:August 2015 BFP: #2 10/01/2015 MC: 10/09/2015 BFP #3: 12/22/2015 @ 5 weeks MC/CP: 12-23-2015
Fertility Appointment: Feb 23/16, Hysteroscopy 03/02/2016,
BFP #4: 03/31/16 EDD 12/01/2016
I know I've mentioned the "friend" who got married at the courthouse for financial reasons and says that courthouse weddings don't count. Then neither of them are telling their parents, who are footing the massive bill for what they believe is the actual ceremony, which I think is dishonest. Anyway, I to her off about a month ago and to not talk to me about this bullshit anymore, and that I do not want to be a bridesmaid. It's the lying that really bothers me, not the wedding.
Well...her husband called DH today and asked him if he would be a groomsman! Not only that, but they are throwing a Bachelor/Bachelorette party in another city that is 6 hours away in August for 4 days, and want us to come and chip in for a cabin. DH didn't commit to anything, just said that he would talk to me about it. He also mentioned that I will still be pregnant in August, and our baby will be small when their wedding is going on early next year.
Wtf? I'm just very confounded. Plus, her husband told DH that if he accepts, to "keep it a secret." First of all, I am tired of secrets and lying, and second of all, did she not understand I do not want to be involved? I can't imagine trying to party for 4 days while almost in the 3rd trimester, and I have no desire to be in their wedding, or to even go. I haven't even known them a year! And we had hoped to go on our babymoon in August.
Am I being pregnant and crazy? How should I handle this? Being blunt obviously is not working. I just feel very, very uncomfortable supporting a couple that willingly lies to "close" friends and family.
I also would not go. It isn't your job to help pay for their pre-wedding parties.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
Maybe I'm a bit pissy about that comment. H and I did a court house, and so did my parents. I'm also ticked at my MIL for her typical stupidity, so take my advice with a big spoonful of salt.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
drops mic
Me:27 H:30
Till death do us part: 7.2.2011
Trying to conceive since 01.2014
Low AFC and azoospermia
IVF #1 03.2016 - BFP 03.28.2016
Due: 12.05.2016
@cayaylonglegs If I had her number or knew her full name I would call. I don't have a FB so it's harder for me to creep on people. It bothers me to my core to see people being taken advantage of or treated poorly. I hate it.
if you don't want to go to their wedding, don't. If you don't want to go to the cabin, dont. I obviously don't know the whole story but I can't figure out from what you have written why you are reacting this way...
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
It's not the wedding that bothers me. Having a courthouse wedding and then a ceremony later is very common in the military. That's not my problem. It's her saying that courthouse marriages do not count, and then using that as an excuse to keep family and friends paying for her wedding activities. To me, if someone is paying for your wedding, under the impression you are not married, I think it is dishonest to not tell them. Then to gloat that they don't know, teeheehee I'm getting my "real" wedding, that's an issue for me when I'm asked to participate in it.
Would I actually call her mom? No. You're right that it's not my business. But I don't think it's unreasonable to be bothered by that behavior.
I had told her previously how I felt about it (she asked for my opinion), especially her thoughts that courthouse marriages aren't real. I said I do not want to be in the wedding. So it just took me by surprise when the requests came up about us participating. I wasn't sure how much more plain I could have been. But I'm letting DH handle it this time. We can't cut ties completely in the sense that they are kind of in the same circle we are, but we don't hang out with them, ever, because she was being creepy about imitating me, so I was surprised they asked us to be in the wedding in the first place. Ah well.
So I had H call her, before I lost it. She said 'yeah, I guess that makes sense. I'll take it down' its been over 4 hrs and the post is still up. Mamma bear is going to have it out with grandma.
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
FIL is building the crib which he and I talked about today and he knows what I want so that's great. And my Dad is buying the glider I want. I just can't wait to know what this baby is so we can start painting and all that fun stuff!
BFP#1 & MC:August 2015 BFP: #2 10/01/2015 MC: 10/09/2015 BFP #3: 12/22/2015 @ 5 weeks MC/CP: 12-23-2015
Fertility Appointment: Feb 23/16, Hysteroscopy 03/02/2016,
BFP #4: 03/31/16 EDD 12/01/2016
@R0824H DH told them we won't be going. Last night I felt irritated and confused, but a good night's sleep helped a lot. Life's too short to spend time doing things you feel uncomfortable with. Thank you for the positive vibes!
DO go the wedding, eat all their free food, drink all their free booze, get some great photos of you and DH dressed fancy, and then make sure someone overhears you talking about how it's so great the happy couple has been able to have this huge celebration a year after they married.
bring some to-go containers and big diaper bag so you can take some cake and a bottle of champagne to go, and dip out early under the premise that LO has to go to bed. then you and DH get to enjoy dessert with just each other.
oh and as far as a wedding gift, a box of chocolates will suffice.
My Wedding Bio!
I have just dealt with ending a 7 year long friendship with what I recently discovered is a highly controlling person. I kept trying to make it work but she's made it clear that there is a pattern of her being controlling and manipulative and it's going to continue. Nope. Not going to keep playing that.
Due December 27th with baby #7
Dont engage in the drama. Bow out gracefully to each and every situation you're requested to be a part of. You gain nothing by handling this any way other than the high road. They don't need to be your friends. After you decline enough times, they'll stop inviting you and your friendship fizzles out naturally. I totally get your reasons for not wanting to be her friend. You will regret nothing if you handle it with grace.
@DiFazette You are 100% right. I don't want to act in a way that isn't true to who I am. I'm blunt, but I'm not a needlessly mean person. DH told them we won't be going because we will be traveling and it's a physically demanding time for me. He declined the groomsman position too, but wasn't rude about it. They didn't respond.
I'm feeling better emotionally once I got over the anger, and as long as I don't act upon any negative emotions, I won't have anything to regret. I haven't done anything wrong. I'm just going to focus on the important things for now. Thank you for the encouragement.
@maamawaabangi Very sage advice, as always.
While there, we ran into an ex of mine and his wife, who had recently moved back to town after moving away for a job she took... and wasn't even at a year. DH knows them well as they used to hang out (I met DH through a mutual friend, and just coincidence that they were friends; even was in their wedding). So we chatted with them for a bit, and they congrats us on our news (made public Thursday night), as I am friends with one of ex's sisters on FB and I am sure she spread the news to the two of them. We're all friendly, even though the wife is the girl that ex cheated on me with, but that was almost 10 years ago now.
Sunday morning, my SIL tags me in a post on FB, as we were asking our nephews what they think auntie and uncle are having, both said boys. The wife ended up liking the post (once good friends with SIL as they lived in the attached twinhome to one another), although isn't odd that the wife may like a post I tag SIL in, or whatever, but it JUST had me in it. Then, came the friend request. Um... you want to befriend, after all these years, the girl who your DH was dating when you two met, and he eventually cheated on her with you? Weird. Even DH thought that. Maybe she did it accidentally, I am not sure. I figured if it was on purpose, I'd probably seem like a B if I didn't accept. I just may keep her more private, as I don't really care to see what they've been up to. I am happy with the path that life gave me after him and I broke up, but it took a lot for me to trust many guys after that all went down.
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
It's hard to say. When DH and I first started dating, he had a lot of garage parties and they would be invited. They'd come, and ex and I would never talk, but the wife never had an issue talking to me. Even when DH told ex we were dating, ex had some issues with it (like he thought I was dating DH to get back with him, ya know... YEARS after we broke up and now especially when he was just married. Um, no). But DH and ex had started not hanging out as much as they used to WAY before that, when the wife got a M-F job and was always around, so it wasn't just "the guys" who went out. So weird. I kind of wanted to leave it be for awhile and see if she noticed if she "accidentally" friend me, but I didn't.
TTC Since: November 2015
BFP: March 31, 2016
DS: November 21, 2016
Formerly known as Kate08young
August '18 Siggy April Showers:
Married: 7/22/14
Baby L: 8/4/2015 August 2015 Moms
Baby E: 11/18/2016 December 2016 Moms
TTC #3 08/2017 BFP 11/27/2017.
Twin B lost 11/22/2017, Twin A doing well.
DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
Gotta love a troll! They try so hard.
Due December 27th with baby #7
Me: 39 DH: 36
Married: Sept 2018
DS: December 2016
#2 EDD Feb 2020
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
Thankfully it was "just a fart".