Rude Comments

juliehollz13 · June 2016

Thought this may be an interesting thread to have to keep track/vent about rude comments pregnant women get.

I'm only 4 months along and thought I'm in the clear for a while....nope!

woman at work: Do you know what you're having?
Me: a boy
her: oh your husband must be thrilled, it's ok, you'll be happy too once the baby gets here....

WHAT???? >:( Anyone else been getting rude/inappropriate/invasive comments yet? I can only imagine how much worse it will get.

STM: How did you deal with negative comments throughout your pregnancy(ies)?

JulieSmiles · June 2016

When I announced at work, this woman I cannot stand came up to me and told me, "You're barely pregnant." Another woman asked if I was having another baby and when I told her yes, she said, "Ugh."
I just ignore it or come up with a snarky response back. Don't take any of it to heart. People are assholes.

jenlynne0624 · June 2016

Be snarky right back. I would have said something like, "I know right?! I was disappointed it is a healthy baby boy and not a velociraptor like I wanted."

People ask stupid questions and say stupid things, or rub your belly inappropriately, which is illegal in some states, so you find your way of dealing with it. I awkwardly smiled and walked away last time, but this time my patience are a lot thinner so I think the snark will come out.

Sharkey · June 2016

I just ignore it. Sure, it's rude but it's nothing to get yourself worked up over or upset. People can be insensitive without knowing they're doing it.

ashleaf2018 · June 2016

Everyone who finds out I'm going to be a SAHM after the baby gets here: "Are you sure you can afford that?"

1. It's not any of your business, 2. If we couldn't afford it we wouldn't be doing it, 3. It's none of your business!

beff12 · June 2016

The comments got to me last time, and I usually just smiled and changed the subject or walked away if I could. I'm small and the old ladies at church always comment on my weight (when I'm not pregnant) and several asked when I was pregnant with DD how much weight I had gained. This time I want to say "I don't know, how much weight have you gained lately?" especially when MIL starts asking

People are dumb and don't know what to say to pregnant women. They should just say "you look great," or compliment you on your outfit or say that you're glowing, but they're just too dumb.

LinziLoo09 · June 2016

I don't think I've gotten too many rude comments yet, other than joke ones like "geez, don't you guys ever use condoms?" from a good friend. I have had a couple of people say, "I didn't think you were going to have a second one." Because with our first kid I really wanted to adopt the second. But I tell them, "Well I looked into infant adoption and discovered that apparently I'm cheaper than I am pain intolerant." Because that costs a lot!

Belly rubs, I just have a mutual rub policy. As long as I get to rub yours, we're fine. And one girl last pregnancy who wouldn't stop touching my stomach - she insisted that we weren't having a girl because I was carrying low - eventually I said to her, "Are you trying to feel her genitals through my stomach? Because that won't work."

I feel much angstier this pregnancy, so who knows what dick things this baby will make me say...

ErikandAfton · June 2016

My principal said well its good for you bad for me. Well geese thanks. Way to make me feel guilty for being excited for my rainbow baby.

dmontgo · June 2016

@JulieSmiles How can someone be "barely pregnant"? You either are pregnant or you're not. You are right people are assholes.

Besides the comments I'll get about my bump being small, this one guy friend of ours makes my pregnancy weird because he makes a big deal that DH and I had sex. We've been married almost 4 years, idiot. Of course we have sex. It's a natural, awesome thing. Don't be hatin' because we're getting some and you're not. :P

juliehollz13 · June 2016

@juliesmiles @dmontgo

LOL! Idk if you guys ever saw the 1st Response Early Response HPT commercial a couple years back that started off with saying "There IS such a thing as being a little bit pregnant...." LOL what??

yellingbanana · June 2016

We have 2 daughters, so everyone is saying "Oh I bet you really want a boy! Or Let's hope it's a boy! Or What would you do with another girl?" Etc., etc. DH is starting to get annoyed with the boy comments, and it puts unnecessary pressure on us when the baby's gender is already predetermined.
We would be happy with a boy. We would be happy with a girl. We had trouble TTC this last one and it took us 2 yrs, we are just so damn excited that we get to have one more baby! And all we want is for a healthy baby, girl or boy.

sourlemon · June 2016

I know this wasn't said in a mean way and I just laughed it off, but a coworker is bringing in donuts on Friday because "obviously the baby loves donuts".

I haven't gained weight but look 5 months pregnant at times. I didn't take offense but it technically was a rude comment.

I got so many last time that I almost don't care right now.

I'm taking more offense to my softball team benching me after finding out...like I was pregnant last week too guys, and yiu needed me then. But bench me now. In the championship series! Ugh.

maamawaabangi · June 2016

Oh gosh! I could write a novel based upon our family size and adoption... Not to mention homeschooling.

People are so stinking nosy and rude!

Generally I am not a very cheeky person and don't think quick on my feet... It's my greatest sadness in life!

We tend get a lot of comments like
"did you plan that?"
"Did you really want another one?"
"Are you excited?"
I always sarcastically want to say, "No..." And see what they say, but i can't bring myself to do that.

Ive been asked "don't you know what causes rhat?" And want to say, "yep and obvious were pretty darn good at it!" But yeah... Always stopped myself.

I also tend to have a very globular bump quite ealry and it elicites a lot of attention... People think I'm having twins or "due any day" when I'm only 28 or 30 weeks along. I do say, "Nope I've got 10 more weeks to go!" Just to see them try to work their way out of it!

Its also pure pure delight to go out with my man alone and people ask "is this your first???" And say "Nope, it's our 7th!!!" The look on their face is priceless...

And yes, everyone thinks having boys and girls is super important... or "just as long as it's healthy"... That one is one I will get in people's faces about... I get the sentiment, but what if it's not healthy???

Oh gosh... I'm on a roll now... And I get pretty annoyed when people say "she's a keeper!" Just no. That's such a thoughtless remark. One of my kids wasn't a "keeper" to her 1st mom... So let's just retire that comment and say, "why what a precious baby!" Or a thousand other nicer things...

Im going to try to be more "cheeky" this time... It's probably my last and I might as well live for today! We've just started telling people and so far only good comments! thanks goodness!

dmontgo · June 2016

@maamawaabangi I think it's awesome you educate your children. DH and I have been looking into unschooling...do you have any experience with this or any tips on resources?

maamawaabangi · June 2016

For sure! @dmontgo Maybe we could pm about it?

maamawaabangi · June 2016

OH! Also want to say...
When we tell most people their 1st reaction is to laugh... And honestly I LOVE that! I love laughing too and it sort of makes my heart glad to give people a reason to laugh at the crazy things in life... Like having a 7th child!

doodleoodle · June 2016

@maamawaabangi the next time someone asks you, "Don't you know how that happens?" Look at them with a straight face and say, "No, how?" and watch them squirm lol That way you can be cheeky without saying anything rude.

dmontgo · June 2016

@maamawaabangi For sure! I'll send you a quick PM!

squiddy224 · June 2016

OMG @ErikandAfton, my boss said pretty much the exact same thing to me when she found out I was pregnant! She knows this means she'll actually have to do some work (instead of always hiding behind the management excuse) when I'm on maternity leave and then when I come back part time only.

swhiddon33 · June 2016

My mom and I stopped in Macy's to grab me a couple of things from the maternity section (underwear, tanks, that sort of stuff - not much but enough to clue the cashier in to the situation). She congratulated me and then randomly asked if I plan to breastfeed. Not minding the question, I replied, "I sure plan to try! Hoping for the best!" To which she answered, "Ugh, I think that's SO gross."

Well tell me how you REALLY feel. Screw you, thanks for playing! *eye roll*

dmontgo · June 2016

@swhiddon33 My MIL refused to breastfeed her children because she thinks it is so gross.

I'm getting so tired of breastfeeding being sexualized or looked down upon. People need to grow up.

dmontgo · June 2016

@maamawaabangi I sent you a PM!

beff12 · June 2016

doodleoodle said:

@maamawaabangi the next time someone asks you, "Don't you know how that happens?" Look at them with a straight face and say, "No, how?" and watch them squirm lol That way you can be cheeky without saying anything rude.

I was going to say this! This is my exact plan. If anyone asks me that I am going to say, "well no, can you explain it to me?"

mamabirdoftwo · June 2016

After I had my girls, I had a woman at church tell me how awful girls are and they are nothing but trouble. She only has a son and he's... well... not the best.

whitneyp26 · June 2016

mamabirdoftwo said:

After I had my girls, I had a woman at church tell me how awful girls are and they are nothing but trouble. She only has a son and he's... well... not the best.

This. People say terrible things about having girls. Part of the reason I was terrified of having a daughter. When I was early on with my daughter I was at the store with both of my boys and an older woman stopped me and said "oh look at those precious boys. You're so lucky you got two. I have a boy and a girl and my daughter is just a monster. We don't talk anymore." I said "oh that's too bad. Yes I love my boys but acuallly I'm pregnant with a girl right now!" I wanted to say if you talk about your kids that way no wonder your daughter doesn't speak to you. My husband was offered condolences once when he told someone he was having a girl. And guess what happened TODAY? I found out we are having another girl. And just hours ago we were at the pool and a woman had the balls to ask me what I was having ( I look pregnant but I wouldn't have asked me!) and when I said a girl she said "ugh I'm sorry! My son is great, my daughter is a terror. She doesn't sleep, she doesn't eat, she doesn't listen, she doesn't do anything right...." So that was my congrats for the day.

dmontgo · June 2016

@whitneyp26 I have heard the same thing about girls, and it drives me mad. My MIL said she never wanted any girls, just boys...and with that kind of attitude, it's no wonder my SIL doesn't speak to her! My dad has also been very adamant that we have a boy.

I honestly have no real inkling about what we're having, and we would be thrilled either way, but sometimes I wish we have a girl just to spite them for being so awful!

mamabirdoftwo · June 2016

whitneyp26 said:

mamabirdoftwo said:

After I had my girls, I had a woman at church tell me how awful girls are and they are nothing but trouble. She only has a son and he's... well... not the best.

This. People say terrible things about having girls. Part of the reason I was terrified of having a daughter. When I was early on with my daughter I was at the store with both of my boys and an older woman stopped me and said "oh look at those precious boys. You're so lucky you got two. I have a boy and a girl and my daughter is just a monster. We don't talk anymore." I said "oh that's too bad. Yes I love my boys but acuallly I'm pregnant with a girl right now!" I wanted to say if you talk about your kids that way no wonder your daughter doesn't speak to you. My husband was offered condolences once when he told someone he was having a girl. And guess what happened TODAY? I found out we are having another girl. And just hours ago we were at the pool and a woman had the balls to ask me what I was having ( I look pregnant but I wouldn't have asked me!) and when I said a girl she said "ugh I'm sorry! My son is great, my daughter is a terror. She doesn't sleep, she doesn't eat, she doesn't listen, she doesn't do anything right...." So that was my congrats for the day.

Wow!!!! It seriously has nothing to do with their sex! I would never call my DDs terrors. She doesn't think her DD can't sense her obvious favor towards her DS?! So sad. Parenting plays a huge role in how your children will turn out. I mean my kids are far from perfect but I wouldn't expect them to be or compare them to someone else.

People felt so sorry for me when I found out my last DD was a girl.. I don't get that at all. i just want to look at them and say "you realize that I am a woman right? And a pretty awesome one"

whitneyp26 · June 2016

@mamabirdoftwo her daughter was right there too. Only 3 years old. I felt so bad. She obviously didn't realize the little girl next to me was mine lol. I said " im a little worried about high school but she's actually my easiest kid so far!"

slartybartfast · June 2016

ugh. after all the horrible things in the news and my parents imploding on us, I've already been hating people. This thread just has me feeling like there are so many awful awful people out there. Awful dumb doody heads.

ava.vaudine · June 2016

I've had 2 in particular : I had hyperemesis in my 1st pregnancy until about 30 weeks. Many people have said wow I can't believe you wanted to do that again with how awful it was the 1st time. I am also a small woman and I have lost a good amount weight this 2nd round with hyperemeis and I constantly get questioned if I am eating and you are going to have to gain a lot of weight if I want the baby to be okay. Ahhhh!! Thanks doctor!!!!!

doodleoodle · June 2016

@whitneyp26 what is with all the girl hate?! My DD is only 7 months and I made a joke about how I get no respect from her because I was saying her name and she was ignoring me lol well MIL says, "If you want respect you're going to have to have a boy." What?? She is also convinced DD has been manipulating me since day 1 by crying when she's not being held/getting attention. Yeah, okay lady. I would be so stoked if this LO was a boy, but I'd actually be really excited for a girl too. That way DD could have a sister super close in age to go through life with. Either sex is a blessing!

maamawaabangi · June 2016

Yeah people think we're saints for having 4 daughters. Personally I find the logic in a woman talking that way about a girl very ironic.
Two of my girls are slightly more "dramatic" than their brothers, but I have not doubt that's just their personality. I've seen some pretty dramatic boys too but we don't call it that in boys... We use more appealing words like: feisty, zealous or bold.

It's a ton of fun and I always think that one day I'm going to have 4 amazing friends and get to help plan weddings, get to go help them have their babies or travel with them and what a gift it all is!

I don't have a sister, but it's beautiful to see my daughters having them and my sons having a brother!

LinziLoo09 · June 2016

I've also run across the girl hate, and so much of it by women. I'm just like, you know you were a baby/child at one point too right? What would you do if you heard your mom whining about you like that?! And our DD is like the coolest weirdest little thing ever. It's totally based on the child and parents. And I fully believe that if you treat a DD like she's difficult, you will certainly perceive her as being difficult, and perhaps she'll respond that way as well. So good job ruining your kid. (Angry spawn is angry today)

temmetime · June 2016

swhiddon33 said:

My mom and I stopped in Macy's to grab me a couple of things from the maternity section (underwear, tanks, that sort of stuff - not much but enough to clue the cashier in to the situation). She congratulated me and then randomly asked if I plan to breastfeed. Not minding the question, I replied, "I sure plan to try! Hoping for the best!" To which she answered, "Ugh, I think that's SO gross."

Well tell me how you REALLY feel. Screw you, thanks for playing! *eye roll

@swhiddon33 Ha! I totally read this as you said "I sure plan to try! Hoping for the breast!" That would be a great response next time. Like on Bruce Almighty.. "Honey, that was the breast breakfast... the breast b... *sighs* Thank you"

Keep your chin up.. above the rude comments!

swhiddon33 · June 2016

Here's another one from me. This is more insensitive than rude. Because it's coming from a very close friend, I KNOW that it's not meant to be hateful, but I still flinch every time.

This friend just had a WHOPPER of a baby - 10lbs, birthed vaginally and without an epidural. The cutest little hoss ever. And my BFF is a BEAST for gettin' it done. Trust that I have appropriately praised her and shared in her awe of the event.

However, as a FTM who is considered high risk and who has worries of pre-term labor and a teeny teeny baby, who will most likely have to deliver via C-Section, the constant commentary about "WOW I can't believe I did that! It's so awesome to know I pushed that out of me, med-free!" is starting to get me down. She knows my situation and my worries...so why keep at it? We've cheered your accomplishment, now let's settle it down a little before yours truly feels inadequate.

Thanks for the chance to vent. Sigh.

phoenix870509 · June 2016

One of my best guy friends likes to tease me. We've been best friends since middle school, so I'm used to it and I usually get him back. On the 14 week photo I posted to FB he jokingly said "DAMN you're getting fat!" I know he was joking, and I've yet to see him and get back at him, but some of my other friends went off on him. I had to tell them to chill, he's my best friend and just joking around. But my one friend would not let it go, saying I was pregnant, not fat, and he needs to get a life. Wow, I just said back off, I know he's only joking. He called me later to apologize and I told him it wasn't necessary, my friend needs to apologize to him.

And what is up with all the girl hate? My Nana said she'd rather have 10 boys than 1 girl. She had 1 girl and 2 boys and always complained my aunt was the worst to raise. I've heard the stories from her, my dad and uncle, and the boys were perfect TERRORS!

DH and I think this is a girl, but EVERYONE keeps saying it's a boy. It's really starting to annoy me. I really don't know why, but it really is starting to get to me. I hope this is a girl so I can just go HA.

penelope4612 · June 2016

I agree with the girl hate. I definitely drove my mom crazy as a teenager. But she clearly prefers boys (for no good reason). My brother has 2 girls and they are adorable, smart and well behaved. I would die to have any sex child who is as well behaved as those two. Seriously.

princesslockness · June 2016

I would 10-1 prefer to have all boys. I am just not built to deal with most of the 'girly' things. Nails, hair, frilly dresses, not wanting to go do something because . . . . It just doesn't mesh well with my personality. If I have a more frilly child I will be doing my damnedest to make sure that they still go play in the mud, catch frogs, and anything else that isn't typical for frilly personalities.

maamawaabangi · June 2016

Oh, I've got to share... one of our co-workers just had a baby boy. When they told their elderly grandma it was a boy her response was, "Well, as long as you're happy..."
She obviously prefers girls.

I laughed until I cried when they told me. Thankfully they thought it was pretty funny too. Sometimes you just got to laugh it off!

Kacie209 · June 2016

I was going to announce publicly earlier this week, but DH wanted me to wait - so I have. It will probably be tonight, so then I only have to endure 1 day of comments at work. Most will be positive, but I know that one of my coworkers (who I am not friends with on FB) will start in on the rude comments, or basically her opinion on the matter.

She has made it very clear that she never plans to have kids due to a zillion reasons. I really don't want to hear her go into them again, as I feel it's someone's own choice and I don't really care if someone wants to have children of not. But, she's queen of unsolicited opinion (about anything and everything) and will have no problem putting her 2 cents in. Plus, she must have some issue with me (I am actually easy to get along with), and always tries to argue with me over stuff, it's things that are so minimal... just to either start an argument or make herself appear bigger. She's had her foot in her mouth a few times, though. Example, my bosses DH is going into counseling and got an internship at one of the high schools in town. It was her old alum and she went on about how he'll be great there cos of troubles they have, like pregnant teens. Mind you, 2 of the gals on my team both had children in their teens... and they went off! She tried to apologize, but it was too late.

sourlemon · June 2016

Kate08Young said:

I would 10-1 prefer to have all boys. I am just not built to deal with most of the 'girly' things. Nails, hair, frilly dresses, not wanting to go do something because . . . . It just doesn't mesh well with my personality. If I have a more frilly child I will be doing my damnedest to make sure that they still go play in the mud, catch frogs, and anything else that isn't typical for frilly personalities.

I'm the biggest tomboy ever. I still do "guy things" more than girly things. I have 3 clothing styles: jeans and running shirt, running clothes, or work clothes. I don't own dresses or skirts lol. 2 hair styles: down or ponytail. I wear a ball cap whenever not at work.

That said, my barely 2 year old girl is super duper frilly. Loves having her hair done. Loves bows and clips. Loves dresses. Throws fits when we don't offer her a dress to wear. Loves fancy shoes. Loves dancing. No idea where it came from! She didn't own a bow...until she "stole "one from a girl at daycare....when she was 15 months old. No looking back.

However, she likes to play outside, she gets dirty, she always has boo boos on her knees from climbing jumping or running where she shouldn't. She does these things in fancy dresses and shoes, or jeans and a tee shirt. She doesn't care.

Long story short, girls can (and probably will) show both sides. And frilly things can't just be beat out of them if that's part of their personality. I really thought if we didn't give her girly things or put her in dresses then she wouldn't be drawn to them. I was wrong. I also love that she's got a girly side. It's made me grow as a person...learn to do hair, match clothes better, do her nails when she asks for "pretty toes"...stuff I never intended to do. But it makes her so happy.
So do dresses with pockets. Her taste is questionable.......haha

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