Baby cries with anyone else

oxsarah7ox · June 2016

Hey ladies, our LO is 15.5 weeks and she cries when anyone else holds her. I know she doesn't like being with large groups of people and wit lots of noise, so that has something to do with it. When we go out with my family or over his parents house every Sunday there is about 20 people altogether and everyone wants to hold her, but when they do she screams, cries, and wails painful cries. She gets to the point of no return that I won't be able to calm her down. She only gets to that point because I feel like they don't even try to calm her by changing positions and standing and walking around with her (which I mention all the time when others aren't holding her so I don't sound rude). She's also a breast fed baby, but my mother in law really likes giving the grand babies bottles so I try to bring one each Sunday if I can but once she's done she cries and mother in law just tries to shush her sitting down. I hate letting her scream and cry with everyone because a. It hurts my boobs and chest b. I hate hearing her cry I general and it's painful screams where she stops breathing every little bit she's crying so hard and c. Because I don't want her to get to a point where we can't then calm her. DH gets mad that I want to take her back from anyone, which I don't do because I don't want him or anyone else upset. But I want to take her. Im surprised and kind of irritated no one asks if we want her back or just give her back when she gets that bad. We were at a wedding this weekend and she was crying with me and my mother in law said she was glad to see her cry with me because she thought she hated her.

Please tell me I'm not the only one with a baby that cried quite a bit especially with other people. Any advice is appreciated. My husband hates it and gets so mad th at she cries and thinks she's not normal and somethings wrong.

Miss Lilac · June 2016

My baby isn't to that extent... But I don't let him be either. She's crying because she needs something. And if that something is mama then I think it's unfair to force other people on her. It's a very normal phase. All the adults can just deal with it and get over themselves while you keep your baby feeling safe and comfortable. She needs to know that if she's feeling insecure you'll be there to swoop in and comfort her.

Maybe try wearing her in a wrap or carrier so she can still interact with people but feel close with you?

ETA: I find it borderline cruel that adults would see a baby crying that hard and not immediately bring her to mom. You've gotta put a stop to that garbage.

ashleyandjody · June 2016

Lurker from Jan 16....If my baby was crying that hard because someone else was holding her, I would not feel at all sorry that I had to take her back. It can be overwhelming for babies, who are used to just mom and dad, to be in a situation with a ton of people they don't know. I was recently at a family BBQ with 50 family members and my LO got overwhelmed and over stimulated so I took her to a quiet and calm room and let her relax before going back out. I also held her for the first hour there and let people come and talk to me and her before handing her off to anyone. Just let your DH know that it's normal for babies to cry in new places with new people.

ETA the rest of my post it cut off

Latina211508 · June 2016

I have 4 kids and my girls were exactly like that. They were mommy girls and even as newborns only were ok with daddy and I holding them only. I personally would not let my child be held by anyone if that made him/her uncomfortable. I also wouldn't bring a bottle just so someone can feed them. She just wants mommy. It's very normal for babies to cry with new people. All babies are different. I suggest letting someone hold her but you stay next to them. Talk to your baby while they're holding her so she knows she's ok and you're close. With my girls they honestly grew out of it but it didn't bother me or my husband. I just let people know how they were and they were understanding. Don't feel sorry or bad. It's your child and you should be the one person to make your child feel better. If she's crying, grab your bsby and console her. If people get butt hurt then tough stuff.

=caenis= · June 2016

People WANT to hold her when she's screaming?! My LO gets passed back to me or my partner like a hot potato when he gets fussy.

I've noticed my little guy also gets upset when he's descended on by too many people at once, or if a new person babytalks in his face right away. If new people remain calm and kind of introduce themselves from afar where he can stare at them first, he's then usually quite happy to be held and babytalked by them. I let people know that it's what he prefers. If they push it, he cries and they have to pass him back. Tough luck.

So. Your little girl sounds normal to me.

GrayGoose23 · June 2016

=caenis= said:

People WANT to hold her when she's screaming?! My LO gets passed back to me or my partner like a hot potato when he gets fussy.

I've noticed my little guy also gets upset when he's descended on by too many people at once, or if a new person babytalks in his face right away. If new people remain calm and kind of introduce themselves from afar where he can stare at them first, he's then usually quite happy to be held and babytalked by them. I let people know that it's what he prefers. If they push it, he cries and they have to pass him back. Tough luck.

So. Your little girl sounds normal to me.

This. My family won't necessarily pass DD2 right back when she starts to fuss, but they don't let her get too inconsolable. My in-laws however are another story. So when we go, I don't let her out of my arms until I feel like she's warmed up to the situation. And I if she starts to melt down, I go right over and take her back.

midge519 · June 2016

Lurker from october

my son is a very fussy baby. He has never been a fan of other people holding him and recently he makes it well known much quicker. If they won't give your baby back take him. I get your DH doesn't like that you want her back (only for the reasoning of the baby getting used to others) but there is a line between baby getting used to people and baby is upset. He's going to have to deal with you doing what you need to. I tend to be a push over but with this baby (my third) I finally stand up for myself and it works much easier. I agree with getting a carrier and letting her interact from within it. Or just refuse to hand her off and say "she really prefers to interact with people from afar" or something. Now that my lo is reaching I make it a point to allow him to reach before handing him off. If he doesn't reach for you he doesn't want you. Before he did that he would lean his head towards me if I tried to hand him off and he didn't want it. You have to do what is best for you and baby and if you being the one to hold her all the time the so be it.

mwmiller4 · June 2016

This makes me feel so much better about my baby! She's slooooooowly getting better about other people holding her but she went from being totally content with being held by anyone to screaming bloody murder if it wasn't me or DH at about 2.5-3 months. She's 16 weeks now and is tolerating other people better--it helps if it's earlier in the day and quieter and if people are walking around while holding her. I will put her in a carrier sometimes because she loves being able to watch and look around but people are a bit more respectful of space around us and don't ask to hold her as much when I wear her. I've started warning people before I hand her to them that she may scream and likes walking around while being held and that's helped. It still stresses me out though when she does it. I'm so glad to hear this is normal and that other people's babies do/did the same thing (and aren't super weird)!

sparksfly · June 2016

Do what's best for you and your baby. I've gotten to the point that I am unsympathetic to other people's feelings if it's negatively impacting my child. People who don't comfort a crying baby don't get to hold her IMO.

jadkins2 · June 2016

Sounds like a mama's girl to me! I have a two year old that used to do the same exact thing you are describing and is now a very reserved bashful toddler. She is still like that to an extent. She doesn't like to be forced to interact with anyone. She wants to go on her own terms. So when we go to family functions it takes her a little while to warm up, but eventually she goes the see all the grandparents and aunt, uncles etc. I do think your baby is trying to say don't force me mama I can be sweet and cuddly from a distance. MIL and DH might not agree but it might the reality for right now.

jarob747 · June 2016

I grab my baby when he starts crying if they can't calm him quickly when we're are at my DH parents house every Sunday. It does help that they usually are willing to give him back to me but there had been a time or two when they havent and im standing right there and I reach for him and start talking to him. You are mama and if you are what they baby needs then so be it. I would not care one bit about their feelings over my LO. You know what's best mama
Btw your LO sounds normal to me

She just knows what she likes and is comfortable with.

PaniaO · June 2016

I'm having the same issue with my 3.5-month-old DS. He's cool with some people but basically hates his nanny unless I'm holding him. I'm having to decide to end things with the nanny because of it. She does the babytalk and doesn't handle him in a comforting way in general, I'm beginning to realize. She just can't read him and tries to stimulate him when he's crying. I've also noticed others do this. So annoying.

A&Lmommy · June 2016

My 2.5 yr old got overwhelmed easily (still does on occasion) and when she got older, we used the excuse that she had a healthy case of stranger danger. But it helps when people adapt to the baby, not the baby adapting to the people. Now, its gotten better but she has to observe and feel comfortable before she dives right in. And she was breastfed and stayed home so she didn't have a ton of opportunities to interact with new people.

beachgirl218 · June 2016

In group situations, I tend to wear my girl in her carrier. She can still smile and coo at people, but isn't being passed around. It has helped with her flipping out by others holding her. I don't feel bad ever taking her from someone if she is getting fussy. It is so much better to stop the meltdown before she gets to the point she can't breathe from crying so hard.

satuttle1014 · June 2016

Maybe it's the way of being held. Our LO is now 16 weeks but around 14 Weeks she stopped liking the cradle position, anytime she was in it she wouod immediately cry. Maybe it's that? It could be just all the people which doesn't sound too crazy

oxsarah7ox · June 2016

Thanks ladies, I have tried to talk to DH since then and let him know it happens with others too. Doesn't believe me, he thinks I just don't want his fam holding her. It definitely is a mix of too many people, noise. And how she's held. She hates being cradle held now. Hopefully it gets better. With all of us. I agree @beachgirl218 I just want to stop it before she gets there too.

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