Can your baby fall asleep in their crib on their own?

doodleoodle · May 2016

My MIL will not put my baby to sleep for a nap when babysitting because it's "too complicated" and that you should be able to just lay LO down and have her fall asleep. She also said that by this point she should be down to 2 naps a day that range from 2-3 hours. She is nowhere near this. Am I just a bad parent or is MIL crazy?

snowflake143 · May 2016

I hadn't heard of that nap schedule for a 6 month old. They're still at a point where sleep is totally different from each baby to the next. Some were STTN much younger, some still aren't. Some are still napping on mom and some are easy to set down. My kid usually take 3 naps from 30-60 min, and it can be easy or hard to get him down, just depends on his mood.

rachswi · May 2016

Zeke doesn't usually fall asleep on his own. It takes singing and rocking to get him to a fully relaxed and basically asleep stage. He almost always opens his eyes as soon as I put him in the crib but he's calm enough to go to sleep. If he's not we have a soother that lights up and plays music that's attached to his crib and I'll turn that in in the hopes that he'll lay and watch it till he falls asleep (which by now is about 75% of the time).

as for the naps, Zeke consistently takes 3 45-minute naps. He probably couldn't handle only taking 2 naps since he never naps for long. That's something he'll have to do on his own.

helsbels222 · May 2016

Your MIL should sit LO down and explain the nap schedule to her. If she still doesn't nap, then clearly you are a bad parent raising a disrespectful child.

Nah girl, you're doing it right. MIL be cray cray.

AmoLovesAud · May 2016

Uh, no, you're fine. I don't care what sleep trainers want to say, putting a baby down awake and them falling asleep peacefully on their own doesn't happen. I don't know a single mom who succeeded at it.

6 months is the very, very start of possibly transitioning to 2 naps, but mine just recently finished transitioning to 3. Morning and lunchtime naps are about an hour each, then a 25 min catnap in the middle of the afternoon to make the stretch to bedtime. Considering a toddler can drop down to 1 nap anywhere between their first and second birthdays, I think it's safe to say there's a lot of variation in what's considered a normal nap schedule.

onebadmotha · May 2016

This probably won't earn me many friends...but my son has been great at putting himself to sleep from the beginning. As long as he has a clean diaper and is not hungry, he will lay in his crib, stare at the monitor and "talk" himself to sleep. He usually takes 2 short naps per day, but some days he clearly needs 3, and that's fine too.

That being said, eff your MIL. Every baby is different, and she should respect the fact that you know your baby and her needs. If my MIL refused to put little dude down for a nap, she wouldn't be babysitting anymore.

doodleoodle · May 2016

kayemjay2 said:

This probably won't earn me many friends...but my son has been great at putting himself to sleep from the beginning. As long as he has a clean diaper and is not hungry, he will lay in his crib, stare at the monitor and "talk" himself to sleep. He usually takes 2 short naps per day, but some days he clearly needs 3, and that's fine too.

That being said, eff your MIL. Every baby is different, and she should respect the fact that you know your baby and her needs. If my MIL refused to put little dude down for a nap, she wouldn't be babysitting anymore.

She's not allowed to babysit anymore. When I told her why that's when she got all high and mighty on me. She's a "baby expert" because she raised 3 children and has other grandchildren who all apparently could soothe themselves to sleep at this point.

Thanks for letting me know that LO's behavior isn't out of the realm of normal.

onebadmotha · May 2016

doodleoodle said:

kayemjay2 said:

This probably won't earn me many friends...but my son has been great at putting himself to sleep from the beginning. As long as he has a clean diaper and is not hungry, he will lay in his crib, stare at the monitor and "talk" himself to sleep. He usually takes 2 short naps per day, but some days he clearly needs 3, and that's fine too.

That being said, eff your MIL. Every baby is different, and she should respect the fact that you know your baby and her needs. If my MIL refused to put little dude down for a nap, she wouldn't be babysitting anymore.

She's not allowed to babysit anymore. When I told her why that's when she got all high and mighty on me. She's a "baby expert" because she raised 3 children and has other grandchildren who all apparently could soothe themselves to sleep at this point.

Thanks for letting me know that LO's behavior isn't out of the realm of normal.

Ugh, I'm sorry about that. My MIL is the same way. I call it "mommy martyr syndrome" and it drives me insane. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and your baby

doodleoodle · May 2016

kayemjay2 said:

doodleoodle said:

kayemjay2 said:

This probably won't earn me many friends...but my son has been great at putting himself to sleep from the beginning. As long as he has a clean diaper and is not hungry, he will lay in his crib, stare at the monitor and "talk" himself to sleep. He usually takes 2 short naps per day, but some days he clearly needs 3, and that's fine too.

That being said, eff your MIL. Every baby is different, and she should respect the fact that you know your baby and her needs. If my MIL refused to put little dude down for a nap, she wouldn't be babysitting anymore.

She's not allowed to babysit anymore. When I told her why that's when she got all high and mighty on me. She's a "baby expert" because she raised 3 children and has other grandchildren who all apparently could soothe themselves to sleep at this point.

Thanks for letting me know that LO's behavior isn't out of the realm of normal.

Ugh, I'm sorry about that. My MIL is the same way. I call it "mommy martyr syndrome" and it drives me insane. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and your baby

Thank you so much for saying that! I really needed to hear it. It's been such a rough week.

Lolo427 · May 2016

Uhhhhh my girl still needs to be bounced to sleep and sleeps on us. I think she's maybeeee taken 3 naps on her own and that was months ago. I'll happily take my shit mom award and go now.

missphil · May 2016

My mom says that my sisters and I would just fall asleep on our own. DS is way too alert and doesn't want to miss out on anything, so he absolutely will not fall asleep alone. We BF to sleep for naps, or I have to nap with him and kind of hold him down or we have to take a walk in the stroller. He does fall asleep in the car a lot too. Naps range from 20 minutes to 2 hours. Most of them are 45 minutes. Some days he will take two 20 minute naps only, but most days he will take 3 naps.
Putting him down for a nap is a full time job- I've just made my peace with it. Your mother in law sounds like she's too lazy to make the effort. Don't beat yourself up over it

MoRay05 · May 2016

You do what works best for you and LO. Just ignore all the other opinions.

My LO takes two or three naps a day. One in the morning and one or two in the afternoon depending on how long he sleeps for first afternoon nap. He naps 30 mins up to 2 hours.

Most of the time we BF until he is almost asleep. Other times it doesn't work and I just put him in his crib wide wake. He will play with his lovey or paci until he falls asleep. He will also talk to himself for a while then might fuss for a few minutes before falling asleep.

doodleoodle · May 2016

@missphil MIL is afraid LO might cry.

wimamaof2 · May 2016

You should let your MIL know that every baby is different...and that she's not the baby whisperer.
LO takes 2 to 3 naps a day ranging from 20 minutes (last nap of the day) to 2 hours. We tried laying him down (us being in the room with him), lights off and sound machine on, but he moves a ton to the point that he would spit up and would require a wardrobe change and new sheets. Now, we rock him to sleep. We're totally ok with that because DH and I get extra snuggles with DS. Or, we lay him on our bed next to us and when he's about to fall asleep, we move him to his crib or pnp.

missphil · May 2016

doodleoodle said:

@missphil MIL is afraid LO might cry.

Can she try rocking him to sleep? My friend's MIL does that and it works well for her. Her daughter used to never nap. But the MIL is very patient.
Research shows that crying in arms does not raise cortisol (stress) levels in baby, while crying alone in the crib does.

rubirubi89 · May 2016

Nope, still bouncing to sleep. Not that much though. Me thinks MIL is lazy.

doodleoodle · May 2016

missphil said:

doodleoodle said:

@missphil MIL is afraid LO might cry.

Can she try rocking him to sleep? My friend's MIL does that and it works well for her. Her daughter used to never nap. But the MIL is very patient.
Research shows that crying in arms does not raise cortisol (stress) levels in baby, while crying alone in the crib does.

I'm sure she could rock her to sleep, but I'm sure she will never try. I'm too done with MIL to give her an opportunity at this point anyway. Apparently I'm a terrible mother and wife because my baby is having sleep issues.

AmoLovesAud · May 2016

doodleoodle said:

missphil said:

doodleoodle said:

@missphil MIL is afraid LO might cry.

Can she try rocking him to sleep? My friend's MIL does that and it works well for her. Her daughter used to never nap. But the MIL is very patient.
Research shows that crying in arms does not raise cortisol (stress) levels in baby, while crying alone in the crib does.

I'm sure she could rock her to sleep, but I'm sure she will never try. I'm too done with MIL to give her an opportunity at this point anyway. Apparently I'm a terrible mother and wife because my baby is having sleep issues.

Just wanted to say you have my sympathy. My mom stayed for a few days this week while DH was on a business trip and I got similar crap from her. She used to just toss me into my crib and let me sort myself out. The fact that I don't do that, and that I hold LO for most of the day & pick her up when she cries, means I'm spoiling her. And making her "weird" bc I still BF. TBH I think my mom forgets what it was like dealing with an infant, every time I ask her anything her answer is "well you have to understand I went back to work...."

That went into a tangent, but moms/MILs/anyone who doesn't get why all babies aren't easy babies are annoying.

doodleoodle · May 2016

@AmoLovesAud oh my gosh. Weird for breastfeeding your 6 month old?! Good grief. That is so obnoxious. We stayed with my in laws right after DD was born and she said I was breastfeeding her too often and over feeding her.

I guess any baby would be an easy baby if you put them in their crib at night and just walk away until morning and you don't pick them up off the floor during the day when they cry...

AmoLovesAud · May 2016

@doodleoodle my dad was a SAHD and did most of the parenting till I was 10 months. I should probably ask him my parenting questions.

nycmommy13 · May 2016

Ours can fall asleep on his own in the crib if we catch him at the right moment between starting to get tired and overtired. He also has to be looking at his nightlight that changes colors or listening to his sleep playlist. Not every baby can/will do this, though. He's also starting to get a sleep schedule but it's happening naturally and we just go with it. He takes about 3 naps a day, usually one morning one that's about 1 1/2 hours and two shorter afternoon ones. Then he sleeps about 10 hours overnight. He's almost 7 months. Hope that helps!

rachswi · May 2016

So now that my guy is mobile, he pretty much will not go to sleep on his own. He'll crawl laps around his crib while crying, sit himself up and hit the button on his soother (repeatedly) to make it light up and play over and over, talk to his stuffed giraffe, and now he'll pull himself up to stand in his crib and will scream till we come get him.

...I'm starting to wish we had sleep trained before he was mobile.

MoRay05 · May 2016

rachswi said:

So now that my guy is mobile, he pretty much will not go to sleep on his own. He'll crawl laps around his crib while crying, sit himself up and hit the button on his soother (repeatedly) to make it light up and play over and over, talk to his stuffed giraffe, and now he'll pull himself up to stand in his crib and will scream till we come get him.

...I'm starting to wish we had sleep trained before he was mobile.

Wow! That's impressive that your LO is already crawling and pulling himself up! Hes going to be an early walker!

My LO hasn't crawled yet but is getting close. I'm ok with him not be mobile yet!

rachswi · May 2016

MoRay05 said:

rachswi said:

So now that my guy is mobile, he pretty much will not go to sleep on his own. He'll crawl laps around his crib while crying, sit himself up and hit the button on his soother (repeatedly) to make it light up and play over and over, talk to his stuffed giraffe, and now he'll pull himself up to stand in his crib and will scream till we come get him.

...I'm starting to wish we had sleep trained before he was mobile.

Wow! That's impressive that your LO is already crawling and pulling himself up! Hes going to be an early walker!

My LO hasn't crawled yet but is getting close. I'm ok with him not be mobile yet!

I really do love that he's mobile most of the time - he now goes from toy to toy on his own and plays more independently because of it, which saves me from having to constantly be on the floor. But I'm so not ready for him to walk!! And he wants to so bad. He's already able to cruise a little bit

I'm definitely glad he's my only one so that I can chase him lol

VexedMommy · May 2016

rachswi said:

MoRay05 said:

rachswi said:

So now that my guy is mobile, he pretty much will not go to sleep on his own. He'll crawl laps around his crib while crying, sit himself up and hit the button on his soother (repeatedly) to make it light up and play over and over, talk to his stuffed giraffe, and now he'll pull himself up to stand in his crib and will scream till we come get him.

...I'm starting to wish we had sleep trained before he was mobile.

Wow! That's impressive that your LO is already crawling and pulling himself up! Hes going to be an early walker!

My LO hasn't crawled yet but is getting close. I'm ok with him not be mobile yet!

I really do love that he's mobile most of the time - he now goes from toy to toy on his own and plays more independently because of it, which saves me from having to constantly be on the floor. But I'm so not ready for him to walk!! And he wants to so bad. He's already able to cruise a little bit

I'm definitely glad he's my only one so that I can chase him lol

Bridget is at about the same stage. She's climbing and pulling up on everything and in the super early stages of cruising (taking steps and only using one hand to hang onto what she's pulled up on.) I really, really wanted her to stay little longer. My babies don't seem content to chill on the floor though. My first walked super early at 8mo. I think Bridget will follow in her footsteps.

doodleoodle · May 2016

@rachswi yikes! Suddenly crawling doesn't sound so exciting. But really, it's amazing that he is so strong in body and spirit! Lol

Well, we decided to sleep train. I wasn't getting any sleep and LO is perpetually cranky so I don't think she is getting enough sleep either. She slept in her crib last night and only woke up twice for a total of just shy of 10 hours. She's currently sleeping in her crib now and I hope it goes at least as well as last night. Naps are a different story... She wouldn't nap in her crib all day. I'm thinking maybe I should try again in a couple weeks once she is more comfortable with her crib? Does anyone with experience have any advice?

rachswi · June 2016

@VexedMommy I'm glad I'm not alone! I feel like every time I leave the room and come back, he's standing on the complete opposite side of the room. He's moving fast! I feel like I need to get one of those baby pens since our house has a semi-open concept. I'm so not ready for him to walk yet!! Fortunately he's good (so far) about not getting into things. He's always been more of an observer than an instigator.

@doodleoodle you can wait a few weeks or you can push forward. I know my friend who sleep trained her son said that the following day was rough as he didn't like that this was the new norm. Your lo may be the same way. (Also especially since you're expecting another little so soon I imagine getting this one's sleep under control sooner rather than later may be a good and necessary thing)

doodleoodle · June 2016

Thank you! That's what I was thinking @rachswi Ferber says not to let them cry for more than 30 minutes when trying to nap. I let her cry for 45 minutes yesterday and she wouldn't settle down. It is seriously breaking my heart, but I know it's the best thing for her and our family. She cried an hour the first night and only 30 minutes last night so she seems to be getting more used to it. If tonight goes at least as well as last night then I'll try naps tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

ETA my LO isn't yet mobile but we have a very open concept house, our first floor is basically one room, and I will definitely be getting a baby jail. Lol

AmoLovesAud · June 2016

@doodleoodle I don't have actual experience, but I think I read that sleep training should be just for night time first, then when it's under control do naps. IDK if that's what you're doing with the naps in the crib, but it's in our plan ( trying to get DH on board with a no cry sleep train bc I'm at my limit here)

doodleoodle · June 2016

@AmoLovesAud I just commented on your post lol your situation sounds rough! My LO would seriously not sleep for more than 30 minutes without me, ever. And usually it would be closer to 5 or 10. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution and various other methods because I wanted it to be as gentle of a transition as possible, but no matter what we did she was going to cry. I actually made an appointment and spoke with 2 child psychologists about sleep training and I followed their advice and it seems to be working fairly well. They said it was okay to let her cry for short periods of time as long as you go in and check on her to let her know you are close by.

VexedMommy · June 2016

rachswi said:

@VexedMommy I'm glad I'm not alone! I feel like every time I leave the room and come back, he's standing on the complete opposite side of the room. He's moving fast! I feel like I need to get one of those baby pens since our house has a semi-open concept. I'm so not ready for him to walk yet!! Fortunately he's good (so far) about not getting into things. He's always been more of an observer than an instigator.

@doodleoodle you can wait a few weeks or you can push forward. I know my friend who sleep trained her son said that the following day was rough as he didn't like that this was the new norm. Your lo may be the same way. (Also especially since you're expecting another little so soon I imagine getting this one's sleep under control sooner rather than later may be a good and necessary thing)

A baby jail will be your friend!

Bridget is definitely an explorer. She loves to chase our cats and her sisters. She will follow us from room to room just trailing behind us managing to find every small random pieces of trash in the carpet as she goes. She loves when we "chase" her too. It's a fun stage, but can quickly and easily become exhausting. Then on to the next stage of full mobility which is equally fun and even more exhausting. lol

rachswi · June 2016

@VexedMommy baby jail is becoming more and more appealing as he's decided he likes to pull up on all the unstable things that I can't easily stabilize (his car seat, a walker, etc.)... I guess he'll learn balance quickly lol

zeke loves chasing us more than us chasing him right now. It's kind of fun getting him to crawl all the way to his room and then change his diaper lol

VexedMommy · June 2016

I always make it a point to laugh or clap when Bridget falls down so she's not scared of it. As long as they're not hurt by the fall, they'll only be as scared of falling as you seem to be. The surprised expression on her little face when she falls is pretty priceless.

AmoLovesAud · June 2016

doodleoodle said:

@AmoLovesAud I just commented on your post lol your situation sounds rough! My LO would seriously not sleep for more than 30 minutes without me, ever. And usually it would be closer to 5 or 10. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution and various other methods because I wanted it to be as gentle of a transition as possible, but no matter what we did she was going to cry. I actually made an appointment and spoke with 2 child psychologists about sleep training and I followed their advice and it seems to be working fairly well. They said it was okay to let her cry for short periods of time as long as you go in and check on her to let her know you are close by.

Yeah, our problem is partially because we have some pretty deep set sleep associations, and I wasn't too bothered by them until lately, when the wakeups started getting really bad. DH wants to keep room sharing till LO is closer to a year old, so most CIO techniques won't work very well, since we have to endure it in our room. Also, my presence doesn't seem to make her feel any better? Not only am I 2 feet from her crib, Ive gone as far as get my face up to her face, half hold her without picking her up, and it doesn't help at all. So I'm not sure CIO with frequent checking ins would do much more than agrivate her. Oddly enough, she sleeps great on our bed? It's a sleep number set kind of soft, so it probably cradles her just a bit, but we're using it to transition out of falling asleep in our arms, then we'll work on the crib. It's a long road, but it's what I could get DH to agree to, and hopefully we'll all be better rested at the end.

doodleoodle · June 2016

AmoLovesAud said:

doodleoodle said:

@AmoLovesAud I just commented on your post lol your situation sounds rough! My LO would seriously not sleep for more than 30 minutes without me, ever. And usually it would be closer to 5 or 10. I read the No Cry Sleep Solution and various other methods because I wanted it to be as gentle of a transition as possible, but no matter what we did she was going to cry. I actually made an appointment and spoke with 2 child psychologists about sleep training and I followed their advice and it seems to be working fairly well. They said it was okay to let her cry for short periods of time as long as you go in and check on her to let her know you are close by.

Yeah, our problem is partially because we have some pretty deep set sleep associations, and I wasn't too bothered by them until lately, when the wakeups started getting really bad. DH wants to keep room sharing till LO is closer to a year old, so most CIO techniques won't work very well, since we have to endure it in our room. Also, my presence doesn't seem to make her feel any better? Not only am I 2 feet from her crib, Ive gone as far as get my face up to her face, half hold her without picking her up, and it doesn't help at all. So I'm not sure CIO with frequent checking ins would do much more than agrivate her. Oddly enough, she sleeps great on our bed? It's a sleep number set kind of soft, so it probably cradles her just a bit, but we're using it to transition out of falling asleep in our arms, then we'll work on the crib. It's a long road, but it's what I could get DH to agree to, and hopefully we'll all be better rested at the end.

Ugh. I'm so sorry! I can completely relate. My LO wouldn't sleep anywhere, but in bed with me and I had to be touching her. I definitely couldn't do CIO in the same room either. I'd crumble. Frequent check ins definitely make my baby cry harder, but IMO it's more about letting her know I'm close by and not so much soothing her. I just don't want her to feel abandoned. It sounds like you're ready for her to be out of your room, and if that's the case, would your husband be okay with it if you get a monitor with a sensor pad that detects LO's breathing?

NovemberSno · June 2016

VexedMommy said:

I always make it a point to laugh or clap when Bridget falls down so she's not scared of it. As long as they're not hurt by the fall, they'll only be as scared of falling as you seem to be. The surprised expression on her little face when she falls is pretty priceless.

I do the same exact thing she bumps her head on the wall a little and looks at me shocked. I Crack up laughing and tell her Haha you bonked your bonker girl she thinks it's hilarious. So one time she did it and I said that she looked at me with big eyes and bumped her head on the wall again. Lol. I was like oh no!!! She was confused lol. Shes like uhh...i thought thays funny mama lol But I do the same thing. If it's not serious don't make it serious...they're fine!

AmoLovesAud · June 2016

@doodleoodle DH is still highly skeptical about those monitors. He only recently became okay with me using a video monitor for naps! He lost a cousin to SIDS, would'be been the same age as him, so he's got a little anxiety going on there. And TBH I go back and forth about my own readiness to move her. She still wants to nurse 1-2 times a night, and I know another sleep regression is around the corner (the 8/9/10 month, and it centers around separation anxiety). I kind of wanted to wait for those things to pass first. We at least finally got a real crib in our room, with a real crib matress, instead of the pnp.

hlz128 · June 2016

If that's the case I guess I'm an awful mom too! DS definitely does not fall asleep on his own! We have just got to the point where I can lay him down drowsy and pat his chest/tummy and he will fall asleep that way. Otherwise he must fall asleep in my arms and then be laid down. Naps are always in my arms still sadly. I haven't broken him of laying down for naps and they're still 30-60nins if I'm lucky and there's usually two of those and then a smaller one about an hour or two before bedtime routine begins at 5:45. Don't let her bully you into thinking you're doing anything wrong. Each baby is different and for her to put it in your mind that you're doing something wrong makes her wrong!

mmmynyx · June 2016

Uhhh...my baby sleeps when I put her in her crib. I can usually tell when she's tired and I just lay her down and she fusses for a bit but eventually puts herself to sleep. Naps for 2 hours sometimes more if I'm lucky and sleeps all night from 9/10pm-7/8am. If she wakes up she adjusts her herself and falls right back to sleep. She only started doing this like 4 days ago with like 1 day of sleep training (cry it out method). She's 29 weeks old today.
Guess I'm one of the good mom's! (I'm totally joking)
But yeah every baby is different. Even if every mom did the exact same thing it wouldn't matter. Baby's all have their own personalities and their own way of doing things.

kdoak2015 · June 2016

mmmynyx said:

Uhhh...my baby sleeps when I put her in her crib. I can usually tell when she's tired and I just lay her down and she fusses for a bit but eventually puts herself to sleep. Naps for 2 hours sometimes more if I'm lucky and sleeps all night from 9/10pm-7/8am. If she wakes up she adjusts her herself and falls right back to sleep. She only started doing this like 4 days ago with like 1 day of sleep training (cry it out method). She's 29 weeks old today.
Guess I'm one of the good mom's! (I'm totally joking)
But yeah every baby is different. Even if every mom did the exact same thing it wouldn't matter. Baby's all have their own personalities and their own way of doing things.

Super mom!! Lol we hate you! I'm going to be stuck with sleep associations until she's 20 becAuse I won't CIO(just can't do it). I'm ok with no sleep til I'm 40 though.

brustum241 · June 2016

I had to do some sleep training because DD was waking up every 30 min to be rocked back to sleep. The first night was an hour and a half of me standing over the crib shushing her but never once did I pick her up while she kicked and cried. I nearly broke a few times, I couldn't stop crying myself, but eventually she fell asleep & stayed asleep for 9 hours. The next night it took less than half an hour, the next nap 8 min, then 3 min. Now she reaches for her crib right after her last bottle and goes right to sleep. Usually goes to sleep at 8:30pm and waking around 5am for her first bottle then going back to sleep until 7:30-8. I pushed her bedtime back because I was putting her down too early, around 7pm. It was hard but it had to get done!

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