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November 2016 Moms
ConJos_love
member
Ticker changes??
ConJos_love
member
Is the daily ticker change something people don't want to do anymore? I personally liked seeing them.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Ticker changes??
BFP: 2/25/16; DD: 11/6/16
Nov16 Siggy Challenge:
@conjos_love let us know how it goes. Feels more like a secret club we weren't invited to than a BMB that's just less monitored.
now I understand why people weren't posting in HDBD and people were being pm'ed when asking why so they could move over there rather than post publicly.
Hopefully we can continue to try to keep the board active but it sucks we've lost some of our biggest posters who also provide advice.
also if anyone wants to start a thread, I believe you are still welcome to. I know it was weirdly strict here in the beginning with assignments but I don't think anyone really minds.
No one is over there sitting and judging applicants or being mean girls. Literally the only requirement is that you are active enough that you are recognized by less than 1/4 of the existing smaller group. Feel free to PM a mod if you've changed your username or if there's some other reason you think you might not be recognized and we will let the group know.
Not being accepted does look like a permanent thing from this side. If i go to even try and click on the button to apply it is grayed out and if you hover over it says "You're application for this group was denied"
It is 100% not permanent, if you would like to reapply at any time, PM a mod and we will post you back in the vetting thread and will send you an invitation if/when you reach the required 20 "likes".
Lurkers are typically not accepted as they are not recognized by our members and therefore can't be vetted as not being crazy and/or trolls. Any one who is denied should have gotten a message along with the denial encouraging them to be more active here and to reapply at a later date. We apologize that the Bump logistics make it look like you're denied forever but that's definitely not our intention.
FTR no, we weren't aware you couldn't reapply once denied. But there are PMs and we can send invites that I am sure will clear up that confusion.
To be clear and final about it, there was zero smack talking and "Mean Girl" middle school WTFever you called it going on when discussing new members. Put your accusations away because they don't apply here. If you can't be supported by 20 out of 80+ members, then that's on you. Merely beign recognized would have been enough. And post history WAS something that was taken into account, but not content. Had to be said.
Definitely no mean girl trash talking.
3/6/16 BFP
EDD: 11/14/16
Looking forward to being "let into the clubhouse"
It will take a while to garner votes if you've applied. Please be patient, everyone who has applied and been denied/accepted will get notification whatever way the vote goes. I guarantee if you've been denied it's because your post count was very low.
#2 some of us, like myself, may not get recognized by the majority the board because we haven't felt comfortable diving in here and have mostly been lurking. I had 4 first tri losses before this pregnancy so every time I started to get to know my BMBs before I ended up not getting to stay. This made it really hard for me to connect the first tri and now that I'm actually feeling like I get to stay, everyone disappears to a private group and guess what? No one recognizes me because I was terrified to get attached. So now I basically feel like I'm being punished for not being active enough thanks to my loss history but one really knows that because everyone left. I'm sure there are others like me who are either shy, scared or just plain quiet that are now being left out because of it. Just because someone isn't posting constantly doesn't mean they are a troll.
I don't even know what to say to the rest of it, because no one is punishing you. I don't even know why you'd say that tbh. As far as being shy or scared to join in, I am never going to hold another grown women's hand and guide her into an online pregnancy forum. That's just me.
I'll say it again, this JUST happened and everyone is still working out details. Nothing is permanent.
Maybe there's an option to start a thread here for people who have been rejected and want a place to state their case? Or a thread with details and how it works/who the MODS are so everyone sees and understand the process and where to go if rejected?
i apologize for coming across as mean in some of my comments. I don't mean to accuse any of you and rather was just stating how I feel. Hard feeling left out when you've been here since the start. It's my fault for not reading every post in every thread to find it. Because of my work schedule I tend to just open posts I find relevant or curious in or intend to participate in (meaning not the ransoms thread). So I mean nothing personal against any of you. Like I said I understand why you did it. Just want you to understand why I felt left out and I don't think or any of you as mean girls. Sorry if it came out that way.
3/6/16 BFP
EDD: 11/14/16
Maybe you can point it out to me.
As for the rest of what I said, you wouldn't know because you're not on the outside. You don't see it from the point of view of someone who is being excluded. You all left to keep yourselves safe but you failed to see the impact of your absence on the public board. Maybe a few of you still come back in here and there but the vast majority do not participate over here since the group was formed(as evidenced by the lack of ticker threads and the single page HDBD thread this week). I don't expect you to understand anything that I said about why I feel the way I do because you are on the other side.
Essentially you're part of the "cool kids" club and I'm the new girl that moved in halfway into the school year. You already have your little clique and you expect me to earn my way in without giving me the opportunity to do so because you don't want to sit at the same lunch table as me. It's not my fault that I'm in the position that I'm in but instead of being welcoming and comforting you choose to hide in your private group in the name of safety. I'm in another private group on this board and the majority of us still participate in the main boards because there are good members out there that weren't around when we started or that could benefit from guidance and support that they might not otherwise get. Maybe they don't fit in with our group for whatever reason but we try not to remain exclusive to our private group and shun any unknowns.
The admins for TB have gone thru these phases of random bannings so many times in the last couple years that is just common place at this point. I've been a member of TB since January of 2015 and I've seen get so bad that a whole other website was created to escape the chaos of mass bannings. Creating a separate group to "stay safe" is a pretty idea but ultimately it destroys the community when it's done as an alternative to the main boards instead of a supplement. What you have done with this bmb is create an exclusive group and neglected anyone who you don't deem worthy leaving the rest of us to feel left out and shunned.
How can someone help you join in when you have self-admittedly not participated? You help ME do the math. I actually already voted to keep you in the group at some other members advocating for you but I strongly encourage you to keep your unmerited accusations out of this.
Use your words without painting the worst possible picture here. Throwing around words like, "shun" and "exclude" and "cool kids club" and "clique" and "exclusive" is not endearing you to me at all personally. The hell? This just happened, we are figuring this out. I wasn't aware you couldn't see the Mods posted. We actually had a member be uninvited just so she could visually clarify what was visible to non-members. At that point, she could see the Mods listed so I'm not sure where the disconnect is on your end. Blame the BGs because I don't have the coding answer. It's an unfortunate error we did try to curb.
We are still figuring this out. I understand the dilemma of the main board being deserted but it's NOT my job to make 80+ women post over here.
As had been started multiple times in this thread, both by mods and members, no one is being "deemed unworthy", "shunned" or "neglected" and to insinuate (or outright say so) is ridiculous and overdramatic. The vetting process has been explained, it's not a popularity contest. If you were active and are recognized, your wait to be vetted will be short. If you have lurked through the first tri, unfortunately you probably won't be recognized so it may be harder for you to be admitted. And while that's unfortunate, we have discussed multiple times allowing lurkers into the group and people are not comfortable with that. Keep participating here and PM a mod when you're ready to try again.
Many of us still lurk or participate here, though we do so cautiously for the reasons previously stated. The internet is a huge place, and just because a small sect of this group has formed another, smaller group it doesn't mean this BMB can't still be enjoyable and fulfilling. There are 18 pages of introductions on this BMB, I'd guess the 80ish of us that are in the private group account for maybe three or four of those pages. And new people will join the BMB all the time. Take some ownership of the BMB if you're unhappy with the way things have been going lately, don't expect others to take charge for you. When this group started, a handful of people took charge and organized this place. Just because our activity has died down some, doesn't mean any of you can't step up and take over. Don't see a thread you want? Start it! Think the board is getting boring? Lurk other boards for fun threads to start. We're all grown ups, you're free to do as you please.
I do not in any way blame anyone else for my situation. At the same time, what I was trying to say is that it is unfair to someone like me to be excluded like this when we are trying to reach out for support. I get that you are all trying to sort out what is happening which is why I think it's important not to neglect those who are still on the outside.
None of what I said was mean as accusations of intent but simply an explanation of the position you have(probably unknowingly and unintentionally) put the rest is in. Please just take some time to think about how your actions are being seen instead of just your intent.
We haven't done this. TB has done this. When I was on TB originally the original issue wouldn't fly and this wouldn't even be a discussion. You have a problem with the way this went down, and I get it. However, if you want to point fingers there are many places to point it, you just aren't pointing it the right way. Not to mention you have no idea if you're getting in or not. You literally have nothing to complain about yet.
You're more than welcome to start your own private group. Or, as has been stated as nauseum, continue posting here and offering support to others. Make this group what you want it to be, no one's going to do it for you.
I'm not mad at anyone for forming the new group and I'm not mad that I was rejected from the group either. How could I be mad at the same group of people that I want to be a part of? I am glad this thread has shed a little more light on the vetting process.
What frustrates me personally is that I joined the BMB early and posted somewhat regularly until 1) I started feeling terrible and 2) A lot of the stories about crazy people on these BMBs really made me nervous about posting too much personal information. Now that I am feeling better and a private board exists where I wouldn't have to be quite so worried, I am not recognizable to the members. It's nobody's fault, just my reality.
At this point I'm just posting more frequently in the hopes that the BMB will become more active, I will be welcomed into the private group, or, ideally, both.