This one didn't originate with my husband but he told me about it... His friend who has three kids was warning him about looking at the business end of things during birth and told him "there's something that comes out of her that looks like sausage links!"
Thanks, friend, I'm sure your wife appreciates that and I'm really glad you shared that with my husband. And thanks, husband, for passing that gem along to me.
When we were at the dr two weeks ago to schedule our induction, he really didn't understand it at all. I need to check in at 7:30 am, and he said "so I can still go to work that day. You can take the train into the city and I'll come after work"? The dr just started at him and said "don't you want to be there when your baby is born?". Honestly it just wasn't clicking for him. He didn't understand the process and since my dr isn't on call until later that night he thought they wouldn't "let" her be born until the dr was on duty. Men....
Oh yeah here's a gem from my husband... When I was 33ish weeks baby was still not head down and I was telling him I was getting concerned because of the probability of having to schedule a c-section if he didn't flip. DH was like, "why would you need to have a c-section? Couldn't they just pull him out by his legs?"
Lol. 5 minutes ago, DH ranted to me, "I feel like no one is making any sacrifices here but me!" He immediately recanted based on the look I shot him seeing as I've now been in labor and cut open twice for us to have kids, not to mention that I take all of the night duties. Oh, and pregnancy sacrifices.
Eta: This was all in reaction to needing to turn off a movie he had chosen because it scared DS. He's usually really supportive, but has his moments.
@kbrands7 Your husband sounds like he has the same mental lapses mine does!
A few days PP, DH gets up with DS (who is 2.5) to get him breakfast, etc, while I feed DD for the millionth time that night. After some time passes, and DD FINALLY burps and falls asleep I come out of the room and find DH has eaten breakfast, is playing video games, the kitchen is a mess etc. I was so pissed he couldn't even so much as bring me a glass of water while I was feeding DD for over an hour. I yelled at him to remind him how much pain I was in, how it would be great if he thought to help me out or take care of me while I'm trying to recover, to which he said "Do you take care of me!?" Annnnnnd, I lost my shit. I asked him if he JUST GAVE BIRTH. Then reminded him that, yes, in fact I DO take care of him, every damn day with every meal, every load of laundry, every time I remember the ten thousand things a day he can't manage to recall. He was, of course, immediately sorry and knew he had screwed up. But still. I was pissed.
I had high fluid with my son (although not nearly as high as this pregnancy), and my husband claims that when my water broke it "filled a 10 gallon paint bucket" at the foot of the bed and was "like the elevator doors opening in The Shining". I can hardly wait for his exaggerations/ metaphors this time when my fluid is a full 10 cm higher!
Apparently DH has a mental block on the newborn days with DD and how little we were able to sleep. He acts like it was no big deal, even though neither one of us were able to sleep for weeks. We took 2 hour shifts holding her at night because she wouldn't sleep without being held. It was miserable! And he doesn't remember that at all. How do you block that out?!
Prior to birthing our first, and I think it was AFTER our birthing class... my husband seriously asks me "What do they do after they cut the umbilical cord? Push it back in?" I just looked at him. I wasn't sure if he was kidding or what. Nope. Dead serious. So, I had to then explain how it's attached to the placenta and how it follows baby out the hole. I know he felt like an idiot. Turned out I had a csection anyways...so, he didn't get to see it all.
My husband flopped on the ground as my daughter and I were doing puzzles only five minutes ago and said "ugh I feel huge" probably bc he hasn't been to the gym in a week or so. He looked at me and said "probably shouldn't of said that". Not annoying but made me giggle. He says something every day. He is a man after all!
During our first delivery the doctor asked my husband if he wanted to cut the cord, his response was an incredulous "uh no, I'm not a doctor." He didn't realize people do it, and that they wouldn't let you do it if it was super dangerous. He decided to cut the cord this time and was so nervous.
I was in the bathtub yesterday and DH was shaving at his sink (this specific spot can block the view of the bathtub when the bathroom door is open). I ended up scooting down in the tub (in my graceful manor) so I could wash the shampoo out of my hair and it made that lovely noise of skin rubbing on plastic sound. Because his view was semi blocked from me, in a dead serious voice he said "oh, it's thundering outside". I couldn't help but bust out laughing and he turned to peek around the door to look at me like 'why is thunder funny?' And I had to explain that the thunder he heard was my fat ass sliding down in the tub. He felt so awful but I couldn't even be mad lol.. It sounded like thunder!
I was wearing a brown dress one day and he told me I looked like a root beer jelly bean. Wtf?! When I said, "wtf?" He told me that root beer was his favorite flavor, after all, lol.
DH decided to call his grandma again to share more details of my labor and delivery experience...well, I literally hear him go "guess what?! I didn't pass out like everyone said I would...and that's with all the drs going in and cramming every device you can possibly find in your tool shed up her vagina and watching the ob stick her hands inside and stretch her cervix manually to a 10, wow, that was brutal!" I'm sitting there thinking, wtf, you're welcome grandma, sure you wanted to hear all about that.
I'm lmao at these. I don't even remember half the shit my DH said. I'm sure there were some gems, but I don't remember them at the moment. Everything was such a blur
@doozer1345 I just noticed where your DH's hand was lol I must be slow or something, but I lmao at that
SO was reading the baby book and got to a part about vacuum extractions and he looks at me and says "we don't need the doctor to vacuum the baby out. I've got a shop vac, it's the wet dry kind, it will work perfectly."
DH has somehow decided that he must wake up, grumble, and turn over at least several times for each time I get in/out of bed. He flops/bounces even harder in his turns than I do (he never used to)! He claims that the closer we get to LO's arrival (EDD is today), the more imperative that he be readily awake 'just in case.'
I'm dreading going back to bed each time I get up now and have started settling for the couch in our sitting room by around 5 am. No one is sleeping well in this house right now!
My husband thought it may be a good idea to ease the traffic of visitors to offer to have an open house the day after we come home for cake and icecream. (
We each take a baby for the night just to make it easier as to who gets up when. We call them our "baby buddies". I took Ava the other night when she happened to be super fussy. At about 2am when she really hadn't slept at all but was finally quiet, I put her in the rock n play and flopped in bed. About 5 minutes later she started fussing and I made a loud sigh. DH hears me and says "why don't you just hold her for a while and calm her down?" I had to flat out laugh at that point. Especially coming from the man who uses his foot to rock the rock n play when his baby buddy cries Hahahaha.
So after a middle if the night feeding, I'm burping DS and DH wakes up and looks at me.
DH: Do you hear that? Me: Hear what? DH: That sound! Me: What sound? DH: It sounds like a "thump, thump, thump" Me: That's me burping your son! DH: Oh....
Then he went back to sleep
1 more story:
I had just changed DS's diaper and DH was holding him and I heard a fart.
Me: Awww man, I just changed him! DH: Oh, that was me. Sorry.... Me: I'm not even mad, we don't have to changed his diaper, and that's hilarious.
This is our first, so I'm sure many lifestyle adjustments will be made-usually pre-pregnancy if DH had a sporting event to attend that I wasn't interested in- I'd be thrilled to have a girls night. DH started telling me the other day that if the Penguins (his home town hockey team) make it to the next round against the Islanders that he'd -when close to Brooklyn- stop at this hole in the wall burger place that fries a burger in pita dough for me on his way home (not even remotely my thing). So I say to him "oh, when is that taking place?". His response was "in a couple of weeks". Okay, cupcake, we have a scheduled c-section for 5/25/16 and I'll be 39 weeks pregnant at that point and could go at anytime. You mean you are leaving me somewhere between when I am 38 weeks pregnant or when our child is perhaps just sent home with us? Do I really need to explain to you that you aren't leaving me during that time period to go watch a hockey game?
Of course he instantly back tracked on it, he hadn't thought of the timing at all. But still. I saw red for a moment.
My husband thought it may be a good idea to ease the traffic of visitors to offer to have an open house the day after we come home for cake and icecream. (
It's tradition in my family to have the father change the first diaper. When DH learned what the first diaper consists of, he looked at me and said "guess that tradition stops here, right?".
It's tradition in my family to have the father change the first diaper. When DH learned what the first diaper consists of, he looked at me and said "guess that tradition stops here, right?".
After my c-section DH had to change all the diapers the first couple of days. He had never changed a diaper before ever. The nurses helped him...I say make him do it lol
My BP was pretty high last night before I went to bed so I laid down for awhile before taking it again. By the time I took it again DH was sound asleep. I tried to be really quiet with the velcro on the cuff, but it's so loud. He woke up freaking out!
H: Are you okay?! What's wrong?! Me: Oh, sorry. I was just taking my BP before I went to sleep. H: Oh! Oh my gosh I thought that velcro sound was your vagina ripping!
It's tradition in my family to have the father change the first diaper. When DH learned what the first diaper consists of, he looked at me and said "guess that tradition stops here, right?".
After my c-section DH had to change all the diapers the first couple of days. He had never changed a diaper before ever. The nurses helped him...I say make him do it lol
These made me LOL! I needed the laughs...exactly one week from today, hubby, big sister, and I will be welcoming her baby sister into this world!! I'm feeling every single emotion right now! I can't believe she's almost here
At the beginning of a parenting class we took, the instructor asked everyone to share what their expectations for the class were. MH must have not been paying attention to what she asked, because all he talked about was how he wanted to shine a light on my belly during the day so the baby would learn when daytime and nighttime were and it would sleep through the night right away.
Poor guy was very embarrassed when he realized what the question actually was
After I told my DH about his coworker asking me if I had lost my mucus plug yet, he gave me a mortified look and said, "WTF is a mucus plug?! Do YOU have one of those?!" I mean, the name alone does sound pretty gross.
After describing lightning crotch to H, while experiencing it, as "being stabbed in the vagina from the inside," he said, "I have something that can stab your vagina from the inside." Duuuude, I know it's a joke but that couldn't be any less appealing right now!
Re: Sh%t my husband said
Thanks, friend, I'm sure your wife appreciates that and I'm really glad you shared that with my husband. And thanks, husband, for passing that gem along to me.
Eta: This was all in reaction to needing to turn off a movie he had chosen because it scared DS. He's usually really supportive, but has his moments.
A few days PP, DH gets up with DS (who is 2.5) to get him breakfast, etc, while I feed DD for the millionth time that night. After some time passes, and DD FINALLY burps and falls asleep I come out of the room and find DH has eaten breakfast, is playing video games, the kitchen is a mess etc. I was so pissed he couldn't even so much as bring me a glass of water while I was feeding DD for over an hour. I yelled at him to remind him how much pain I was in, how it would be great if he thought to help me out or take care of me while I'm trying to recover, to which he said "Do you take care of me!?" Annnnnnd, I lost my shit. I asked him if he JUST GAVE BIRTH. Then reminded him that, yes, in fact I DO take care of him, every damn day with every meal, every load of laundry, every time I remember the ten thousand things a day he can't manage to recall. He was, of course, immediately sorry and knew he had screwed up. But still. I was pissed.
I just looked at him. I wasn't sure if he was kidding or what. Nope. Dead serious.
So, I had to then explain how it's attached to the placenta and how it follows baby out the hole. I know he felt like an idiot.
Turned out I had a csection anyways...so, he didn't get to see it all.
Not so much a comment but my friend told DH to look loving at me right before we went to the OR...He went another route...
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
"if your vagina wasn't off limits I'd fuck you right now".
DS: Born 5-17-16
@doozer1345 I just noticed where your DH's hand was lol I must be slow or something, but I lmao at that
First Pregnancy
Second Pregnancy
- BFP: 09/11/2015
- EDD: 05/25/2016
Baby Born04/15/2016
PGAL
I'm dreading going back to bed each time I get up now and have started settling for the couch in our sitting room by around 5 am. No one is sleeping well in this house right now!
So after a middle if the night feeding, I'm burping DS and DH wakes up and looks at me.
DH: Do you hear that?
Me: Hear what?
DH: That sound!
Me: What sound?
DH: It sounds like a "thump, thump, thump"
Me: That's me burping your son!
DH: Oh....
Then he went back to sleep
1 more story:
I had just changed DS's diaper and DH was holding him and I heard a fart.
Me: Awww man, I just changed him!
DH: Oh, that was me. Sorry....
Me: I'm not even mad, we don't have to changed his diaper, and that's hilarious.
Of course he instantly back tracked on it, he hadn't thought of the timing at all. But still. I saw red for a moment.
change all the diapers the first couple of days. He had never changed a diaper before ever. The nurses helped him...I say make him do it lol
H: Are you okay?! What's wrong?!
Me: Oh, sorry. I was just taking my BP before I went to sleep.
H: Oh! Oh my gosh I thought that velcro sound was your vagina ripping!
.....WHAT?!
Poor guy was very embarrassed when he realized what the question actually was
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!After I told my DH about his coworker asking me if I had lost my mucus plug yet, he gave me a mortified look and said, "WTF is a mucus plug?! Do YOU have one of those?!" I mean, the name alone does sound pretty gross.