Had to share this picture with you all.. DH and I went to a consignment sale and actually found some great deals... Here is my cat modeling one of our finds... Happy Saturday y'all!
I've never wanted something as bad as I want a plate of nachos right now. I normally hate nachos and I'm sitting here looking up recipes and debating if its worth the 25 minute drive to the grocery store for the ingredients.
Ugh. I just got a bill in the mail for $675 at a hospital 3 hours away that I've never been to in my life. Now I have to call and see what that's all about on Monday. I hate dealing with people on the phone...
I've never wanted something as bad as I want a plate of nachos right now. I normally hate nachos and I'm sitting here looking up recipes and debating if its worth the 25 minute drive to the grocery store for the ingredients.
@noraaurora I can't even quote you because that gif is too much All I can think about is WHY why does that gif even exist? How did it come about? Where did all the hot dogs come from?
I'm finally doing laundry for the first time in two weeks. Haha.
Also, I am Jewish, and have always stayed kosher for passover, but I have just been craving bread with butter. I gave in this morning and it was delicious!!! Hopefully there is a pass for pregnant women....
I've never wanted something as bad as I want a plate of nachos right now. I normally hate nachos and I'm sitting here looking up recipes and debating if its worth the 25 minute drive to the grocery store for the ingredients.
I had this same problem with hot dogs last week.
I can quote you, I don't know if I am just in such LOL shock that I have gone brain-numb, or if I'm suffering some form of trauma...
Damn it! Now I'm stuck on this again. I'm showing this to FI once he wakes up from his nap. I need somebody else in this house to see what I can't unsee
You guys... I need MIL help. We don't have much of a relationship. We see her for special occasions and holidays and barely talk in between. She has a history of mental illness and substance abuse and is epileptic. She was a horrible mother to my H, he basically raised himself. She means well and is a generally nice person but she can barely take care of herself. We saw her today and she was very obviously testing me. She kept saying she "gets to be a mother again" and asking when we're going away so she can watch the baby. Umm... We wouldn't even let her watch our dog. How do I establish firm boundaries now without sounding like a bitch? I honestly don't want to cut her out, but she will not be left alone with my child for 5 minutes let alone for a week vacation and also, I am this child's mother. NO ONE ELSE.
Edited b/c TB went crazy.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
You guys... I need MIL help. We don't have much of a relationship. We see her for special occasions and holidays and barely talk in between. She has a history of mental illness and substance abuse and is epileptic. She was a horrible mother to my H, he basically raised himself. She means well and is a generally nice person but she can barely take care of herself. We saw her today and she was very obviously testing me. She kept saying she "gets to be a mother again" and asking when we're going away so she can watch the baby. Umm... We wouldn't even let her watch our dog. How do I establish firm boundaries now without sounding like a bitch? I honestly don't want to cut her out, but she will not be left alone with my child for 5 minutes let alone for a week vacation and also, I am this child's mother. NO ONE ELSE.
Edited b/c TB went crazy.
You can do this in one of two ways.
#1: Hedge. You really don't need to DO (or say) anything right now. Once the baby is here, just tell her you couldn't imagine leaving the baby overnight (or however long) in their first year. You're just too attached, you're breastfeeding every 1-2 hours, etc etc. Gently but firmly give whatever BS (or real) excuse that fits the situation at the time. She will call you crazy, tell you that you need to get away, etc - just continue to play the doe-eyed "new mom" card and you won't hurt her feelings, really. The only problem with this is....
#2: You are going to have to be firmer with her in time. A year will pass (possibly less) and she will straight up ask you why you are "KEEPING ME FROM MY GRANDBABY?!!" At this point I would suggest handing the baton off to DAD. She should be mostly his problem, after all. And he is going to have to decide how he is going to deal. My suggestion is honesty/kindness, but sadly this doesn't always work well with crazies. Next comes firmly outlining boundaries, followed by reinforcing said boundaries probably until the day grandma dies. Sorry.
I do feel for you. My mom isn't a crazy, but I still won't even let her watch our dog, let alone DS. Unfortunately she has terrible taste in men, and her current boyfriend is a jobless, chain smoking, verbally abusive, super controlling alcoholic. I don't know HOW MANY time she's asked me why I won't let her watch the baby, to which (every time) I answer "because mom, your BF is a jobless, chain smoking, verbally abusive, super controlling alcoholic." So as you can see, repeat blunt reinforcement is often needed....probably forever.
Again though, once you get to the blunt honesty phase, it needs to be coming from your partner- NOT you. It can be made clear to her that she's welcome to see the baby with you guys around - she's just not going to be getting babysitting rights.
I'm a certified nurse's aid working as a home care aid. I arranged to meet a client at her home at a certain time and she never showed. A while later she needed help with something and I went to help her. When I was done I asked where she was earlier and she said she was at home waiting for us. I said NOPE, coworker and I waited a half hour in your living room and you didn't show up AND I saw you talking to [neighbor] in the smokers pit on my way back to the office. She just said oh, and stopped talking.
@NoraAurora Great advice! I was planning on playing the "I can't be away from my baby so don't need a babysitter" card, I just wasn't expecting her to test the waters so soon. I'm hesitant to just smile and nod now when she talks about babysitting and then have her wonder why it's all of sudden coming out of nowhere when we actually have to confront the truth. When she said she would watch the baby so we could go on vacation I actually said to her "You won't even drive your car, what happens if the baby needs milk or diapers or needs to go to the doctor?" She seriously refuses to drive. She said she would make an acception for the baby. SMDH.... And when she said she gets to be a mother again... It's a miracle I'm not in prison right now.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@mrscorker while I didn't have a similar situation with mother/MIL (i.e. addiction and other concerns), my mom used to love to call my first "HER BABY" while I was pregnant and it drove me up a wall. I eventually confronted her and we got in a big fight and it caused a lot of hurt feelings. I'm normally a passive person when it comes to confrontation and honestly now that baby is here I wish I had never said anything.
After baby was born both sides begged for sleepovers right away. I only pumped for 3 months, so it was technically possible, but I wasn't ready. We did our first sleepover when baby was around 6 months. Now both my mother and MIL are injured and I would give anything to have them free to help babysit once in awhile!
i have no idea if this would work given your MILs situation and relationship with her, but in the beginning months there were 1 or 2 times I was just so overwhelmed and sleep deprived that MIL spent the night at our house and helped with night feedings. Or let me take a nap during the day. Stuff like that could be a good compromise maybe, although I would def wait and not offer that yet until you see how comfortable you feel!
@MRSCORKER Sorry you're dealing with that. Avoiding will work for the time being, but I'm sure it will get old eventually and then you'll have to deal with it. But I wouldn't stress too much over how to approach it. Your husband will probably know best how to handle it and it really should come from him anyway.
My husband just recently got in a huge fight with his brother and it made me realize how toxic his family is. We sat down and discussed it and I told him that while I would never keep this baby from his mother, I wanted to minimize contact. My MIL can't go 5 minutes without talking bad about my husband and I don't want that around my baby. We have very little contact with her at the moment, but I'm worried that she will push for it once the baby is here. She missed a lot of my son's life because my husband's ex barely let my MIL see him. And she rarely sees any of her other grandchildren because of distance or crazy baby mamas. So I'm worried she'll try and make up for it with my kid since I married into the family and live a mile down the road. I'm not touching it with a ten foot pole though. Lol. My husband knows that he'll need to deal with it when the time comes.
@JamieK1882 We have little to no relationship. When she comes over it's for a few hours for a holiday or something. We really are planning on her involvement being similar. A few hours for a visit once a month, tops. She lives about an hour away and refuses to drive so her visits will be few, even though she says she'll drive for this baby. She's full of empty promises and this is actually one I hope she doesn't keep. I don't mean to sound venomous, but I don't want her help. I have a mom and a step-mom who are amazing and live close by so we'll have help. She would just get in the way and I wouldn't trust her for 5 minutes with the baby without supervision. She is truly toxic and stressful. I tried to involve her in our wedding and she ended up getting wasted, cut off at the bar and then tried to slap the bartender. Just one example of her crazy, I'm not having that around my kid.
@krzyriver I'm sorry you have to deal with that too. It's so hard to navigate these situations. I'm just feeling my way through and will turn it over to DH when it comes time to really put our foot down. He doesn't want his mom around either so at least it's not just me.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@MRSCORKER Your MIL situation sounds very similar to mine except we do have a pretty decent relationship and my mother in law is more flaky than anything else. We brought DD over for Thanksgiving when she was 11 months old and she sprayed down her old vintage high chair with glass cleaner right as I was about to put DD in it. My H was like, um...Roz will just hold the baby instead since you just put a toxic chemical on the parts she would eat off of... She was literally surprised and had no idea what we meant. And when DD was even younger, 6-7 months, we stopped by to surprise DH's parents with a shrimp dinner and visit. She tried to give DD shrimp and fries and FIL tried to give her cream soda. They think we're uptight. Maybe we are. It doesn't matter. It's our baby, not theirs. She is constantly trying to get me to leave DD with her, telling me I must make time for myself. I try to be polite and say cute things like, How could I ever leave this face? Or No, we're besties. We love being together, to try and deflect her offer. It is a little awkward, but just be firm. We do get some little passive aggressive remarks sometimes at family functions, but bottom line is we're her parents so we get the final say.
@rozANDbenSINCE2001 OMG, the shrimp and fries made me LOL. Chances are, once my MIL gets the initial baby fever out of her system with a few visits, she'll realize/remember that they are a lot of work and that she's lazy and selfish and can't be bothered. Luckily, this baby will be born right before the holidays so she'll get to see it at Thanksgiving and Christmas and can get her fill and then crawl back in her hole.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
@MRSCORKER Your MIL sounds like my bio-mom. She said has said very similar things with all of my children, the second chances and all that crap. Nope. She is MY blood relative so I am the one who has to handle her. When she asked for the kids I am very straight forward with her, she knows she has screwed up too much and that I don't trust her.
Can I just say I'm sorry to all of you that have difficult MILs/mothers/other parental figures? That sounds really rough. We seriously lucked out on the parental front. My parents can both be a little much in various ways but they're generally awesome and they live far away so it's pretty easy to manage time with them. ILs are FANTASTIC. They live 15 minutes away and are happy to help out with anything but aren't overbearing (they don't drop by unannounced, demand too much time, etc.) They are SO excited about the baby and are going to watch our kid twice a week when I go back to work, which given how expensive day care is in our area is HUGE. They are very helpful but are also very conscious about not being overly intrusive, and they socialize with us like we're adults, which can be a problem with my parents sometimes (I've never lived anywhere near my parents since I left for college at 17, so when we do get together we can sometimes slip back into a parent/child dynamic easier than I'd like.)
The worst I've had with my MIL is somebody (I even forget whether it was MIL or DH) mentioned a couple weeks ago that MIL had asked if she could pick out our nephew's (i.e. her first grandson's) coming home outfit back before he was born, and I had a very visceral reaction to that. Not sure whether she will ask us whether she can do the same for our baby, but I realized pretty quickly that I was dead set on being the one to pick out this baby's coming home outfit. Hopefully it won't be a huge deal though -- I'm not sure if she'll even ask us (the mother/daughter relationship is different than the MIL/DIL relationship), and if she does she's reasonable enough not to get offended if we tell her we already have something picked out.
DH and I: Early/mid 30s Married 7/15
TTC #1 as of 8/15
BFP 11/21/15 -- MC confirmed 12/1/15 BFP #2 2/18/16
@simcal18 You are super lucky! I'm glad you don't have to deal with the crazy. The one up side to my situation is that my MILS does live an hour away and refuses to drive so she isn't one for unexpected visits. I think what will most likely happen is she'll say she can't come visit because she can't drive and demand that we accommodate her by driving down for frequent visits. Then, when that doesn't happen, she'll claim we're "keeping the baby from her". Oh well! I'm super lucky to have awesome parents who are divorced and both remarried to awesome people. Between both sides, they'll be watching this baby 4 out of 5 days when I go back to work. Saving us a TON. I'm sure MIL will get jealous and say it isn't fair but again, oh well. Our kid, our call.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
Married: November 2014
TTC #1 Since: October 2015
BFP #1: 11/18/15 - CP BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16 IT'S A BOY!!!! DS Born 10/16/16
Re: Weekly Randoms (4/18)
BFP: February 2016 EDD: October 17, 2016
All I can think about is WHY why does that gif even exist? How did it come about? Where did all the hot dogs come from?
It's terrible.
E born 6/2014
Also, I am Jewish, and have always stayed kosher for passover, but I have just been craving bread with butter. I gave in this morning and it was delicious!!! Hopefully there is a pass for pregnant women....
Edited b/c TB went crazy.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
#1: Hedge. You really don't need to DO (or say) anything right now. Once the baby is here, just tell her you couldn't imagine leaving the baby overnight (or however long) in their first year. You're just too attached, you're breastfeeding every 1-2 hours, etc etc. Gently but firmly give whatever BS (or real) excuse that fits the situation at the time. She will call you crazy, tell you that you need to get away, etc - just continue to play the doe-eyed "new mom" card and you won't hurt her feelings, really. The only problem with this is....
#2: You are going to have to be firmer with her in time. A year will pass (possibly less) and she will straight up ask you why you are "KEEPING ME FROM MY GRANDBABY?!!" At this point I would suggest handing the baton off to DAD. She should be mostly his problem, after all. And he is going to have to decide how he is going to deal. My suggestion is honesty/kindness, but sadly this doesn't always work well with crazies. Next comes firmly outlining boundaries, followed by reinforcing said boundaries probably until the day grandma dies. Sorry.
I do feel for you. My mom isn't a crazy, but I still won't even let her watch our dog, let alone DS. Unfortunately she has terrible taste in men, and her current boyfriend is a jobless, chain smoking, verbally abusive, super controlling alcoholic. I don't know HOW MANY time she's asked me why I won't let her watch the baby, to which (every time) I answer "because mom, your BF is a jobless, chain smoking, verbally abusive, super controlling alcoholic." So as you can see, repeat blunt reinforcement is often needed....probably forever.
Again though, once you get to the blunt honesty phase, it needs to be coming from your partner- NOT you. It can be made clear to her that she's welcome to see the baby with you guys around - she's just not going to be getting babysitting rights.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
After baby was born both sides begged for sleepovers right away. I only pumped for 3 months, so it was technically possible, but I wasn't ready. We did our first sleepover when baby was around 6 months. Now both my mother and MIL are injured and I would give anything to have them free to help babysit once in awhile!
i have no idea if this would work given your MILs situation and relationship with her, but in the beginning months there were 1 or 2
times I was just so overwhelmed and sleep deprived that MIL spent the night at our house and helped with night feedings. Or let me take a nap during the day. Stuff like that could be a good compromise maybe, although I would def wait and not offer that yet until you see how comfortable you feel!
My husband just recently got in a huge fight with his brother and it made me realize how toxic his family is. We sat down and discussed it and I told him that while I would never keep this baby from his mother, I wanted to minimize contact. My MIL can't go 5 minutes without talking bad about my husband and I don't want that around my baby. We have very little contact with her at the moment, but I'm worried that she will push for it once the baby is here. She missed a lot of my son's life because my husband's ex barely let my MIL see him. And she rarely sees any of her other grandchildren because of distance or crazy baby mamas. So I'm worried she'll try and make up for it with my kid since I married into the family and live a mile down the road. I'm not touching it with a ten foot pole though. Lol. My husband knows that he'll need to deal with it when the time comes.
@krzyriver I'm sorry you have to deal with that too. It's so hard to navigate these situations. I'm just feeling my way through and will turn it over to DH when it comes time to really put our foot down. He doesn't want his mom around either so at least it's not just me.
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16
The worst I've had with my MIL is somebody (I even forget whether it was MIL or DH) mentioned a couple weeks ago that MIL had asked if she could pick out our nephew's (i.e. her first grandson's) coming home outfit back before he was born, and I had a very visceral reaction to that. Not sure whether she will ask us whether she can do the same for our baby, but I realized pretty quickly that I was dead set on being the one to pick out this baby's coming home outfit. Hopefully it won't be a huge deal though -- I'm not sure if she'll even ask us (the mother/daughter relationship is different than the MIL/DIL relationship), and if she does she's reasonable enough not to get offended if we tell her we already have something picked out.
Married 7/15
BFP #2 2/18/16
Me: 32 & DH: 37
BFP #2: 2/8/16 - EDD 10/20/16
IT'S A BOY!!!!
DS Born 10/16/16