the pressure to keep everyone in the work place happy-- I happen to have a job where it was reeeeaaally difficult to tell people that I was going to take additional maternity leave and I got some side-eyed judging that I'd never be able to do my job as well again.
What bothers me so much right now is that the moms who do return to work (either by choice or economic necessity) face such widespread prejudice from their employers and coworkers! WTF. Women can never truly be equal until everyone understands that it's not okay to discriminate against them at work just because they are or have become parents. Utter bullshit.
TTC#1 since May 2011
BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
Fun fact: Anyone else's complaining about their life on social media is generally tiresome, regardless of whether they work or stay home or how many nannies they have or when they get home or what kind of
AshleyBKeen, it sounds more like you're jealous of SAHM's and that you hate your job. I agree with Mar(numbers) above, it might be time for a new job. But FYI be warned if you choose to be a SAHM. We get a lot of crazy assumptions thrown at us.
Uh, yeah? I am *completely* jealous. Like I said, I'd love to stay at home. If someone could wave a magical wand and absolve me of my work responsibilites, my emotional ties and obligations to my office and reassure DH that we can make it on a single income just fine - that would be just fine by me. And no, I don't even baby, and yes, I'm probably in for a rude awakening. This is our first. But I hear the ins and outs of the mom struggle from my coworkers Every. Day. First steps on video because they were out of town on travel. Spending your entire weeknights doing first grade homework until your kids are in bed and you and your husband are too frazzled to connect. And you know what? I'm so excited for this baby, but I am terrified that I am going to be a horrible mother because I'm already barely dealing with work life balance *and I don't even have kids here yet*. And I also get the total joy of hearing about how I'm going to "miss so much" from the bevy of SAH's I know who tacitly disapprove. I'm not stupid, it's not all dandelions and nature walks - but it freaking sucks to work hard all day, to come home emotionally whipped and burnt out to more work and see smiling happy babies all over the place when I know I'm going to have to leave mine for hours out of the day when he gets here. Of *Course* I'm jealous! Who wouldn't be?
Okay. People are mostly offended because you implied being a SAHM is easy. Working away from home and being a SAHM both have pros and cons. You wanting to do one and not the other doesn't make the job a piece of cake. I'm sure you realize that, however, so even though this isn't an advice thread I'm going to ask if you've considered the expenses of working. This might not apply to you; I don't know your budget, but working can *sometimes* not be worth it financially. Are you taking into account the expenses of owning a second car, gas, work wardrobe, eating away from home, formula, and of course daycare? Because as a SAHM I can eat every meal at home, I don't *need* a car, I don't need an expansive wardrobe, I can BF all day and all night, and, of course, I don't need to pay for day care. While your job might easily cover all that and more, it might not. It's worth taking a look at if you really want to be a SAHM.
I don't like little girls in bikinis. Babies, toddlers, young children, adolescents, and I'm actually torn on whether or not they are appropriate for teens (16-18) And it seems like a slippery slope-you dress the kid in a bikini while they are young and you either let them continue wearing bikinis or you eventually have to explain that some people are pedophiles and will sexualize their young bodies and since they are developing they have to cover up. Tankinis are awesome or just go full one piece. And I'm a HUGE fan of those surfer girl shirts with the sleeves. Cover the sensitive skin up from the sun!!
Edit for words
Agree!
lurking... I was in target a few weeks ago and this 40-something woman was shopping with her pregnant daughter. They were looking at swimsuits. I overheard the woman say, "I don't like bikinis on babies. They're stomachs are just so fat and you're supposed to be skinny to wear a bikini." SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU FAT SHAMING, YOU'RE FAT SHAMING BABIES?!
@Boonhilde Those are definitely costs we are looking at. We've taken a lot of proactive steps to cut our expenses toward that end. Our cars are paid off, and we bought a home in a less expensive neighborhood to keep our mortgage costs low. But due to some circumstances beyond our control, my husband took a significant pay cut almost three years ago now, and my income is, unfortunately, the primary one for now. Our current working plan is to limit ourselves to purchases on his income only while I'm on maternity leave to see if we can turn it into a sustainable lifestyle (which will definitely mean a loy more meals at home, less driving, and hopefully, if baby plays along, being abe to regularly BF). He is really, really nervous about being the sole breadwinner, and I also don't want him to be stressed out all the time either - so I'm open to going back to the office, but like I said, terrified. It's not anyone's fault, but I feel a little trapped. It doesn't help that my office is a highly political and intense work situation with a lot of strong personalities (of which I am only one ) and very high standards and expectations. I have literally been stewing over this since my first mommy meltdown about it in December.
To be fair. It's not that no one can complain but me, it's just been about 5 months of constant wear on this. My Mom and my MIL were both SAHs, so I get ALL the negative comments ALL the time "You'll miss so much!" "I valued those early years so much and you only get them once." "Are you really suuuure you want to go back to work?" "Do you reallybwant someone else raising your kids?" I just hit my limit last Thursday and in hindsight, I clearly should have kept my frustration to myself. I know a lot of SAH's and they seem to get a lot of sympathy and support for their sacrifices - but it seems like people just assume that working moms work because they don't want to make those same sacrifices and "need a break" from their kids - which is also not universally true. I'm sure it's frustrating when your toddler dumps an entire box of cheerios on the carpet and your dog walks through it at 10:00 in the morning when you already know you need to go grocery shopping and do laundry and prep snacks and lunch and while you are cleaning it up they draw you a poop picasso in the playroom. There are tough days. I get it. There are tough days on the other side too, I just feel like I hear that perspective less. Buy maybe it's just me, or the greener grass effect.
I don't like little girls in bikinis. Babies, toddlers, young children, adolescents, and I'm actually torn on whether or not they are appropriate for teens (16-18) And it seems like a slippery slope-you dress the kid in a bikini while they are young and you either let them continue wearing bikinis or you eventually have to explain that some people are pedophiles and will sexualize their young bodies and since they are developing they have to cover up. Tankinis are awesome or just go full one piece. And I'm a HUGE fan of those surfer girl shirts with the sleeves. Cover the sensitive skin up from the sun!!
Edit for words
Agree!
lurking... I was in target a few weeks ago and this 40-something woman was shopping with her pregnant daughter. They were looking at swimsuits. I overheard the woman say, "I don't like bikinis on babies. They're stomachs are just so fat and you're supposed to be skinny to wear a bikini." SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU FAT SHAMING, YOU'RE FAT SHAMING BABIES?!
This is what is wrong with society...
Yeah, there are a many reasons some may not like bikinis on babies. The fact that there stomachs aren't flat is not one of them.
@AshleyBKeen I can certainly sympathize with the idea of wanting to be a stay at home parent but can't. I am also the primary earner in my household, and there is no way we can live in the city we live in and only live on husbands income. So as much as I wanted to have the option of being a stay at home mom, it was never ever going to be a possibility. But, I also love my career, and it's not the kind I'd be able to go back to if I left (too competitive). And as much as I adore my daughter, I do love working outside the home. I miss her, and I miss out on certain things. But she loves her daycare, she learns so much there, and I believe she's further ahead development wise than she would be if she was home with me (please note - I didn't say she's further ahead than other kids who's parents stay at home - just further than I think she would be if I was responsible for everything). Staying at home is such a full time job, and I doubt it's just the cleaning up/laundry/living stuff. These moms are responsible for socializing their children, exposing them to the world, getting them out there to learn and play. They don't just sit home and clean house. And a bored kid is a miserable one. I can't imagine the amount of work/energy it takes to keep up with these tiny humans, and to do it all on a tight/none existent budget is phenomenal. So they still get home at the end of their day with a pile of laundry and dishes and cleaning. It sounds like your issues with women who complain about staying at home is a deeply personal one, that actually has nothing to do with how "easy" or "hard" it is... I think it likely is a "grass is greener" scenario from someone who hasn't quite resigned herself to what she needs to do for her family. Also, it sounds like you need to be honest with your mother and MIL, tell them to ease up because it is a sensitive subject. But, at the end of the day, I think you need to realize that few parents work/stay at home because they truly choose too - all are doing what needs to get done to pay the bills and take care of their family. And all probably look at the other side and see greener grass.
I don't like little girls in bikinis. Babies, toddlers, young children, adolescents, and I'm actually torn on whether or not they are appropriate for teens (16-18) And it seems like a slippery slope-you dress the kid in a bikini while they are young and you either let them continue wearing bikinis or you eventually have to explain that some people are pedophiles and will sexualize their young bodies and since they are developing they have to cover up. Tankinis are awesome or just go full one piece. And I'm a HUGE fan of those surfer girl shirts with the sleeves. Cover the sensitive skin up from the sun!!
Edit for words
Agree!
lurking... I was in target a few weeks ago and this 40-something woman was shopping with her pregnant daughter. They were looking at swimsuits. I overheard the woman say, "I don't like bikinis on babies. They're stomachs are just so fat and you're supposed to be skinny to wear a bikini." SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU FAT SHAMING, YOU'RE FAT SHAMING BABIES?!
This is what is wrong with society...
Yeah, there are a many reasons some may not like bikinis on babies. The fact that there stomachs aren't flat is not one of them.
Exactly. And honestly, I think bikinis on babies are adorable. My niece had a watermelon one that I adored because seeing her splash around in all her little ruffles was so cute! But I understand not everyone feels that way. I just feel like, if your reasoning for not liking it is that they're not skinny enough, you are part of body-shaming culture and I feel badly for your family.
Re: UO??
BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
BFP #3 October 6, 2015. WHAT???
I was in target a few weeks ago and this 40-something woman was shopping with her pregnant daughter. They were looking at swimsuits. I overheard the woman say, "I don't like bikinis on babies. They're stomachs are just so fat and you're supposed to be skinny to wear a bikini."
SO NOT ONLY ARE YOU FAT SHAMING, YOU'RE FAT SHAMING BABIES?!
This is what is wrong with society...
To be fair. It's not that no one can complain but me, it's just been about 5 months of constant wear on this. My Mom and my MIL were both SAHs, so I get ALL the negative comments ALL the time "You'll miss so much!" "I valued those early years so much and you only get them once." "Are you really suuuure you want to go back to work?" "Do you reallybwant someone else raising your kids?" I just hit my limit last Thursday and in hindsight, I clearly should have kept my frustration to myself. I know a lot of SAH's and they seem to get a lot of sympathy and support for their sacrifices - but it seems like people just assume that working moms work because they don't want to make those same sacrifices and "need a break" from their kids - which is also not universally true. I'm sure it's frustrating when your toddler dumps an entire box of cheerios on the carpet and your dog walks through it at 10:00 in the morning when you already know you need to go grocery shopping and do laundry and prep snacks and lunch and while you are cleaning it up they draw you a poop picasso in the playroom. There are tough days. I get it. There are tough days on the other side too, I just feel like I hear that perspective less. Buy maybe it's just me, or the greener grass effect.
But, I also love my career, and it's not the kind I'd be able to go back to if I left (too competitive). And as much as I adore my daughter, I do love working outside the home. I miss her, and I miss out on certain things. But she loves her daycare, she learns so much there, and I believe she's further ahead development wise than she would be if she was home with me (please note - I didn't say she's further ahead than other kids who's parents stay at home - just further than I think she would be if I was responsible for everything).
Staying at home is such a full time job, and I doubt it's just the cleaning up/laundry/living stuff. These moms are responsible for socializing their children, exposing them to the world, getting them out there to learn and play. They don't just sit home and clean house. And a bored kid is a miserable one. I can't imagine the amount of work/energy it takes to keep up with these tiny humans, and to do it all on a tight/none existent budget is phenomenal. So they still get home at the end of their day with a pile of laundry and dishes and cleaning.
It sounds like your issues with women who complain about staying at home is a deeply personal one, that actually has nothing to do with how "easy" or "hard" it is... I think it likely is a "grass is greener" scenario from someone who hasn't quite resigned herself to what she needs to do for her family. Also, it sounds like you need to be honest with your mother and MIL, tell them to ease up because it is a sensitive subject. But, at the end of the day, I think you need to realize that few parents work/stay at home because they truly choose too - all are doing what needs to get done to pay the bills and take care of their family. And all probably look at the other side and see greener grass.