I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
WOW! Sounds like you really hate your job, might be time for a career change if you find it so overwhelming. I would love to be a SAHM too, but I don't think that is an easy option either. ALL of the SAHMs I know are at home because of financial reasons. Childcare can be very expensive and in a lot of cases, it may be cheaper to SAH.
Sheesh, maybe I should have stuck to FFCF. You all are right, I'm a hateful bitch with no heart or empathy for anyone else's outstanding situation. I'm a completely one dimensional cartoon person defined solely by this one opinion. Generalizations ALWAYS apply to *everyone's* unique situations all the time, and there is literally no room for any outstanding circumstances or exceptions. I'm glad you thoughtful, kind, supportive and understanding folks are here to tell me what a horrible, bitchy, ignorant asshole I am. Otherwise I might never know.
Sheesh, maybe I should have stuck to FFCF. You all are right, I'm a hateful bitch with no heart or empathy for anyone else's outstanding situation. I'm a completely one dimensional cartoon person defined solely by this one opinion. Generalizations ALWAYS apply to *everyone's* unique situations all the time, and there is literally no room for any outstanding circumstances or exceptions. I'm glad you thoughtful, kind, supportive and understanding folks are here to tell me what a horrible, bitchy, ignorant asshole I am. Otherwise I might never know.
Honestly, I'm just dying laughing Bc this person has no clue about parenting whatsoever. Lady you are in for such a shock. Do you even baby, bro?
Sheesh, maybe I should have stuck to FFCF. You all are right, I'm a hateful bitch with no heart or empathy for anyone else's outstanding situation. I'm a completely one dimensional cartoon person defined solely by this one opinion. Generalizations ALWAYS apply to *everyone's* unique situations all the time, and there is literally no room for any outstanding circumstances or exceptions. I'm glad you thoughtful, kind, supportive and understanding folks are here to tell me what a horrible, bitchy, ignorant asshole I am. Otherwise I might never know.
Are you rehearsing a duet with the poster from yesterday who wanted us all to validate her sifting through her husband's email and then tried to guilt trip everyone about pointing out that she was completely in the wrong? Because the two of you seem to be singing the same tune.
I nursed my son (usually only at night) until he was 2.3. NBD. They recommend nursing until they're 2. I have a tall healthy boy so I say whatever. If you want to nurse longer, go for it. I don't care. There are way weirder things that are oddly more accepted in our culture. O_o
Whn I was pregnant with said 3 year old DH came to all appointments to share in the experience. It was exciting even if nothing happened during the appointment. He was getting his credential online so it wasn't like he took time off. But when we were pregnant with our next son he still came to appointments and it just so happened that when the doctor couldn't find a heart beat and rushed me to the hospital, I don't know what I would have done if my husband wasn't there, and I had to deal with that AND my toddler. I know that's a rare experience but that's what happened. With this pregnancy he comes to some.
Sheesh, maybe I should have stuck to FFCF. You all are right, I'm a hateful bitch with no heart or empathy for anyone else's outstanding situation. I'm a completely one dimensional cartoon person defined solely by this one opinion. Generalizations ALWAYS apply to *everyone's* unique situations all the time, and there is literally no room for any outstanding circumstances or exceptions. I'm glad you thoughtful, kind, supportive and understanding folks are here to tell me what a horrible, bitchy, ignorant asshole I am. Otherwise I might never know.
Fun fact: Anyone else's complaining about their life on social media is generally tiresome, regardless of whether they work or stay home or how many nannies they have or when they get home or what kind of flowers they saw on their nature walk. So long-ass rants complaining about how other people have no right to complain because your life is so much more worthy of complaining about are extra irksome, largely due to the total lack of self-awareness.
Bottom line: Parenting is hard for everyone, support is important to everyone, and if you don't like what someone posts on Facebook, quit your bitching and use one of the many options at your disposal to keep them from showing up in your news feed.
EXACTLY. Complaining about complaining.
AshleyBKeen, it sounds more like you're jealous of SAHM's and that you hate your job. I agree with Mar(numbers) above, it might be time for a new job. But FYI be warned if you choose to be a SAHM. We get a lot of crazy assumptions thrown at us.
I work in the corporate world by day. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes I like my job. Often I have mommy guilt because I work. If I stayed home, I would have to learn how to live with half of our income, but we would find a way. I have guilt because my jobs pays for someone else to take care of my kids during the day. And I am privileged there is a little left over to hire someone to scrub my bathrooms.
Then there are SAHM. They do not work in the corporate world, but with kids at home, they are working all day long too. They are entertaining and teaching their children, cleaning up messes, planning meals, and trying to juggle all the daily chores at the same time.
SAHM work. Corporate women work. They are just different. Different ways of contributing. Different.
There is no need to mom shame anyone. We are all just doing what works best for our families. Moms have guilt for dropping kids off at day care. But moms have guilt for not contributing financially to their family. Moms feel guilty when their house is a mess. Moms feel guilty when they clean too much and don't spend as much time with their kids.
Quit spreading the guilt. Just love your kids. There will be no other time like today.
Well this thread was fun to read. A couple thoughts....
One of the many reasons (in addition to not being able to afford not to) I will be going back to my (paying) job is because I just don't have the work ethic to be a SAHM. That shit looks fucking hard. I have nothing but respect for mothers - regardless of where they work (at home or at their place of employment). We are ALL working mothers.
Also - I didn't realize I could love Target more than I already did. Good for them. Anyone who thinks a trans-person using the bathroom that corresponds to their gender identity means an increase in safety concerns, for anyone other than the trans-person, clearly doesn't know a single thing about the subject.
This is one of the only real UO debates we've had on the June board. I have to say how proud I am of how respectful everyone is even with things they feel very passionate about.
Everyone brought up great points and did open my eyes to a lot of different things. Honestly, as a FTM there will be a lot of things I have opinions about that will change when this LO gets here.
I hope I didn't offend any of you with my wording- I think everyone here is a great mother with a different approach and I respect all of you and the decisions you make for your children.
Thanks for for enlightening me instead of flaming me
I have no desire to be a SAHM. If one of us had to stay home, it would be my husband not me. I think whether you work out of the home or are a SAHM there are pros and cons for both. Neither is better than the other. I honestly just don't think I am cut out to be a SAHM.
People who think a transgendered person using the bathroom they identify with is anyway related to bathroom assaults is a bigot. Sorry not sorry. If you agree with the NC "bathroom bill" then you can't bring your little son into the women's bathroom with you either. Oh but that's different you say. No, this wasn't a problem before NC made it a problem. It's so ridiculous I can't even. Go target! And people who want to boycott Target now, seem to mostly be men who are worried their daughters and wives are now going to be more vulnerable to attacks in the bathroom. Oh but think about the women and children.
My husband tries to go to every OB appointment if he can. Now that I'm going every couple weeks, it's up to him. However, my husband doesn't normally work on Monday and Tuesdays, and that is when most of my appointments are, so it works out. He has missed a couple, but if he can go, he loves hearing the baby's heartbeat.
I used the men's bathroom at work today, because the women's bathroom was occupied. So when society as we know it inevitably collapses later... it was me. My bad, guys.
@Palisson my older sister was a lawyer prior to being a SAHM and had some adjustment issues with it in the sense that from high school to college to law school to practice she has always been an overachiever, high producer, etc. I know she did some awesome stuff on the side to supplement (worked on briefs, did wills for heros, etc) and to keep her law license up. When she moved to a different state she got licensed in that state as well. Now that her kids are all in school, she actually decided to go back to school herself and get her certification in sign language interpretation. I'm super proud of her and always amazed by all of the stuff she can balance, all while taking care of three kids under the age of 10 and being an awesome partner with her husband. She is a great role model for me.
This actually summarizes perfectly why I find bikinis on little girls weird and off-putting. I actually did buy my daughter one when she was two or three - it was green and had little starfish on it, so it was cute, and it was secondhand and cheap. But it seemed so weird to have her covering up her.... chest? that I only actually had her wear it once. I let her run around topless in the summer without a second thought, but the artificialness of her needing to cover her chest made me really uncomfortable.
I'm a big fan of two piece swimsuits that cover the shoulders and belly, though, because sunburn is no fun! And peeling out of a wet one-piece for last-second potty breaks is always an adventure...
I work a very demanding and high-stress job. You couldn't pay me to be a full-time SAHM. I am obsessed with my child but I literally do not have the personality or patience to parent 24/7. SAHM is way fucking harder than what I do all day long and my job is far from easy and I have zero downtime. I feel like I should congratulate my SAHM friends every time I see that. That shit is hard.
Also, I realize I'm barely skating in under the wire here, but today my UO is that I hate Vera Bradley purses. I think they look so ugly, like a quilting store exploded. Everyone seems to love them and thinks they are super cute (especially here in the Midwest where I reside), but I loathe them. So. Much.
Also, I realize I'm barely skating in under the wire here, but today my UO is that I hate Vera Bradley purses. I think they look so ugly, like a quilting store exploded. Everyone seems to love them and thinks they are super cute (especially here in the Midwest where I reside), but I loathe them. So. Much.
Finally. Someone said it. STL is SATURATED in them.
Fun fact: Anyone else's complaining about their life on social media is generally tiresome, regardless of whether they work or stay home or how many nannies they have or when they get home or what kind of
AshleyBKeen, it sounds more like you're jealous of SAHM's and that you hate your job. I agree with Mar(numbers) above, it might be time for a new job. But FYI be warned if you choose to be a SAHM. We get a lot of crazy assumptions thrown at us.
Uh, yeah? I am *completely* jealous. Like I said, I'd love to stay at home. If someone could wave a magical wand and absolve me of my work responsibilites, my emotional ties and obligations to my office and reassure DH that we can make it on a single income just fine - that would be just fine by me. And no, I don't even baby, and yes, I'm probably in for a rude awakening. This is our first. But I hear the ins and outs of the mom struggle from my coworkers Every. Day. First steps on video because they were out of town on travel. Spending your entire weeknights doing first grade homework until your kids are in bed and you and your husband are too frazzled to connect. And you know what? I'm so excited for this baby, but I am terrified that I am going to be a horrible mother because I'm already barely dealing with work life balance *and I don't even have kids here yet*. And I also get the total joy of hearing about how I'm going to "miss so much" from the bevy of SAH's I know who tacitly disapprove. I'm not stupid, it's not all dandelions and nature walks - but it freaking sucks to work hard all day, to come home emotionally whipped and burnt out to more work and see smiling happy babies all over the place when I know I'm going to have to leave mine for hours out of the day when he gets here. Of *Course* I'm jealous! Who wouldn't be?
And then people who are in that enviable position want to talk about how difficult it is? Too much.
But screw me for having an actual unpopular opinion in a thread about unpopular opinions. So now, I'm not just terrified, jealous, annoyed, and hate my job, it I also feel like shit because aparently having feelings makes me an igorant asshole looking to stir up trouble who is irritated when the pot boils. But, apparently *that's* guilt tripping so screw me twice.
No one should ever post an actual unpopular opinion on this thread. Ever. Not even once. It's just not worth it.
Also, I realize I'm barely skating in under the wire here, but today my UO is that I hate Vera Bradley purses. I think they look so ugly, like a quilting store exploded. Everyone seems to love them and thinks they are super cute (especially here in the Midwest where I reside), but I loathe them. So. Much.
Fun fact: Anyone else's complaining about their life on social media is generally tiresome, regardless of whether they work or stay home or how many nannies they have or when they get home or what kind of
AshleyBKeen, it sounds more like you're jealous of SAHM's and that you hate your job. I agree with Mar(numbers) above, it might be time for a new job. But FYI be warned if you choose to be a SAHM. We get a lot of crazy assumptions thrown at us.
Uh, yeah? I am *completely* jealous. Like I said, I'd love to stay at home. If someone could wave a magical wand and absolve me of my work responsibilites, my emotional ties and obligations to my office and reassure DH that we can make it on a single income just fine - that would be just fine by me. And no, I don't even baby, and yes, I'm probably in for a rude awakening. This is our first. But I hear the ins and outs of the mom struggle from my coworkers Every. Day. First steps on video because they were out of town on travel. Spending your entire weeknights doing first grade homework until your kids are in bed and you and your husband are too frazzled to connect. And you know what? I'm so excited for this baby, but I am terrified that I am going to be a horrible mother because I'm already barely dealing with work life balance *and I don't even have kids here yet*. And I also get the total joy of hearing about how I'm going to "miss so much" from the bevy of SAH's I know who tacitly disapprove. I'm not stupid, it's not all dandelions and nature walks - but it freaking sucks to work hard all day, to come home emotionally whipped and burnt out to more work and see smiling happy babies all over the place when I know I'm going to have to leave mine for hours out of the day when he gets here. Of *Course* I'm jealous! Who wouldn't be?
And then people who are in that enviable position want to talk about how difficult it is? Too much.
But screw me for having an actual unpopular opinion in a thread about unpopular opinions. So now, I'm not just terrified, jealous, annoyed, and hate my job, it I also feel like shit because aparently having feelings makes me an igorant asshole looking to stir up trouble who is irritated when the pot boils. But, apparently *that's* guilt tripping so screw me twice.
No one should ever post an actual unpopular opinion on this thread. Ever. Not even once. It's just not worth it.
QFP
@laurenm2123 posted a pretty unpopular opinion on this thread and she handled the flame she got by turning it into a learning experience which is light years better than the way you approached it.
In a thread on unpopular opinions why are you SO surprised so many people disagreed with yours.......
All this drama about how SAHMs have it so much better than you do, and your baby isn't here yet. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? I hope you can find some coping strategies and that things work out better for you than you are envisioning. I've worked full-time, part-time, and am now a SAHM. As others have said, no one "has it easy," and there are unique frustrations and joys/benefits to each scenario. Your child will undoubtedly be worth it no matter what, and you will figure out a way to make it work and hopefully have a happy family life, and I'm sure you believe that's possible, otherwise you wouldn't have decided to become a parent.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
The house doesn't stay cleaner because instead of spilling juice and crushing crackers into the rug and pulling out every toy and the contents of every drawer at daycare, your toddler is doing all that at home 24/7. You spend half the day just trying to keep the house from looking like an episode of Horders, not shining the silver candlesticks and dusting great aunt Mildred's vase on the mantle. There are also pans and dishes from snacks and lunch to wash in addition to the breakfast and dinner ones that working parents deal with. The more you and kids are at home instead of work/childcare, the more housework there is to do. The "working parents do all the same housework just after 6pm" line is just not true.
There is no guilt over not being present for your kids. Instead there is guilt over wasting 9 years of higher education and a PhD. Guilt over your spouse having to be the sole provider and thus not being able to make some choices in his career that he might make if three people weren't depending on him just him for food and a roof. Guilt over every item of clothing or jewelry or makeup that you buy yourself that aren't absolute necessities because you are spending family money on them, not your own salary.
I am a SAHM not by choice. I wanted to work. I still want to work. I tried for two years to find a job that would pay enough to cover daycare and not require 3 hours of round trip commuting each day so I could have at least that hour before bedtime with my son that you mention. I didn't find one. So I'm home feeling like a failure twice a week when I take my son to daycare so he can socialize and see working moms in heels at drop off. And then I spend the day running errands, cooking, and cleaning and trying to keep busy while he's there to feel less bad about just being home with no job while someone else takes care of him. Some privilege.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
The house doesn't stay cleaner because instead of spilling juice and crushing crackers into the rug and pulling out every toy and the contents of every drawer at daycare, your toddler is doing all that at home 24/7. You spend half the day just trying to keep the house from looking like an episode of Horders, not shining the silver candlesticks and dusting great aunt Mildred's vase on the mantle. There are also pans and dishes from snacks and lunch to wash in addition to the breakfast and dinner ones that working parents deal with. The more you and kids are at home instead of work/childcare, the more housework there is to do. The "working parents do all the same housework just after 6pm" line is just not true.
There is no guilt over not being present for your kids. Instead there is guilt over wasting 9 years of higher education and a PhD. Guilt over your spouse having to be the sole provider and thus not being able to make some choices in his career that he might make if three people weren't depending on him just him for food and a roof. Guilt over every item of clothing or jewelry or makeup that you buy yourself that aren't absolute necessities because you are spending family money on them, not your own salary.
I am a SAHM not by choice. I wanted to work. I still want to work. I tried for two years to find a job that would pay enough to cover daycare and not require 3 hours of round trip commuting each day so I could have at least that hour before bedtime with my son that you mention. I didn't find one. So I'm home feeling like a failure twice a week when I take my son to daycare so he can socialize and see working moms in heels at drop off. And then I spend the day running errands, cooking, and cleaning and trying to keep busy while he's there to feel less bad about just being home with no job while someone else takes care of him. Some privilege.
I don't have a child yet, but THIS times a million.
Fun fact: Anyone else's complaining about their life on social media is generally tiresome, regardless of whether they work or stay home or how many nannies they have or when they get home or what kind of
AshleyBKeen, it sounds more like you're jealous of SAHM's and that you hate your job. I agree with Mar(numbers) above, it might be time for a new job. But FYI be warned if you choose to be a SAHM. We get a lot of crazy assumptions thrown at us.
Uh, yeah? I am *completely* jealous. Like I said, I'd love to stay at home. If someone could wave a magical wand and absolve me of my work responsibilites, my emotional ties and obligations to my office and reassure DH that we can make it on a single income just fine - that would be just fine by me. And no, I don't even baby, and yes, I'm probably in for a rude awakening. This is our first. But I hear the ins and outs of the mom struggle from my coworkers Every. Day. First steps on video because they were out of town on travel. Spending your entire weeknights doing first grade homework until your kids are in bed and you and your husband are too frazzled to connect. And you know what? I'm so excited for this baby, but I am terrified that I am going to be a horrible mother because I'm already barely dealing with work life balance *and I don't even have kids here yet*. And I also get the total joy of hearing about how I'm going to "miss so much" from the bevy of SAH's I know who tacitly disapprove. I'm not stupid, it's not all dandelions and nature walks - but it freaking sucks to work hard all day, to come home emotionally whipped and burnt out to more work and see smiling happy babies all over the place when I know I'm going to have to leave mine for hours out of the day when he gets here. Of *Course* I'm jealous! Who wouldn't be?
And then people who are in that enviable position want to talk about how difficult it is? Too much.
But screw me for having an actual unpopular opinion in a thread about unpopular opinions. So now, I'm not just terrified, jealous, annoyed, and hate my job, it I also feel like shit because aparently having feelings makes me an igorant asshole looking to stir up trouble who is irritated when the pot boils. But, apparently *that's* guilt tripping so screw me twice.
No one should ever post an actual unpopular opinion on this thread. Ever. Not even once. It's just not worth it.
Oh good lord. It's not called "Unpopular Opinions That Are Completely Insulated From Any Kind of Criticism, Negative Reaction or Debate Thursday." You posted a rant. Guess what? Rants get reactions. Don't want reactions? Don't rant. Everyone else gets to have opinions, too.
I work a very demanding and high-stress job. You couldn't pay me to be a full-time SAHM. I am obsessed with my child but I literally do not have the personality or patience to parent 24/7. SAHM is way fucking harder than what I do all day long and my job is far from easy and I have zero downtime. I feel like I should congratulate my SAHM friends every time I see that. That shit is hard.
This. I know I don't have the patience, energy or creativity to be a good SAHM. My kids would watch farrrr too much TV if I were home, and while I hate to admit that about myself, I know it's true.
Oh Good Lord, indeed! It's also not called "Post an unpopular opinion so people can get needlessly hostile on the internet towards you Thursday", but maybe it should be. Don't want to read rants you disagree with? Maybe don't click on a thread asking for Unpopular Opinions!
And dadgumit, I also didn't know it was "Post your unpopular opinion so our self-righteous rants *back* at your stupid, ignorant ass can save you from your unholy wold of delusion Thusday" either. I stand corrected.
Sorry I didn't "handle" it better so you all can log off feeling better about being needlessly and *personally* cruel on the internet to a stranger who disagrees with you.
There are some genuinely nice posts interlaced. Some people have brought up some good points that I hadn't really considered, which is nice to have perspective on and gives me something to think about, and for that, I thank you.
Also, I realize I'm barely skating in under the wire here, but today my UO is that I hate Vera Bradley purses. I think they look so ugly, like a quilting store exploded. Everyone seems to love them and thinks they are super cute (especially here in the Midwest where I reside), but I loathe them. So. Much.
Finally. Someone said it. STL is SATURATED in them.
I have a very Bradley wallet I love and have been using for about 5 years, but I did not realize they are still popular
Also, I realize I'm barely skating in under the wire here, but today my UO is that I hate Vera Bradley purses. I think they look so ugly, like a quilting store exploded. Everyone seems to love them and thinks they are super cute (especially here in the Midwest where I reside), but I loathe them. So. Much.
Finally. Someone said it. STL is SATURATED in them.
I have a very Bradley wallet I love and have been using for about 5 years, but I did not realize they are still popular
I live in Fort Wayne where VB was born and is still head quartered. We just had the annual outlet sale here. Y'all people from AUSTRAILIA flew here for the sale. It's every where and I hate it.
Oh Good Lord, indeed! It's also not called "Post an unpopular opinion so people can get needlessly hostile on the internet towards you Thursday", but maybe it should be. Don't want to read rants you disagree with? Maybe don't click on a thread asking for Unpopular Opinions!
And dadgumit, I also didn't know it was "Post your unpopular opinion so our self-righteous rants *back* at your stupid, ignorant ass can save you from your unholy wold of delusion Thusday" either. I stand corrected.
Sorry I didn't "handle" it better so you all can log off feeling better about being needlessly and *personally* cruel on the internet to a stranger who disagrees with you.
There are some genuinely nice posts interlaced. Some people have brought up some good points that I hadn't really considered, which is nice to have perspective on and gives me something to think about, and for that, I thank you.
QFP For clarity- you didn't post a UO. A summary of everything you've stated in all your posts: The only one who should get to complain is me.
Oh Good Lord, indeed! It's also not called "Post an unpopular opinion so people can get needlessly hostile on the internet towards you Thursday", but maybe it should be. Don't want to read rants you disagree with? Maybe don't click on a thread asking for Unpopular Opinions!
And dadgumit, I also didn't know it was "Post your unpopular opinion so our self-righteous rants *back* at your stupid, ignorant ass can save you from your unholy wold of delusion Thusday" either. I stand corrected.
Sorry I didn't "handle" it better so you all can log off feeling better about being needlessly and *personally* cruel on the internet to a stranger who disagrees with you.
There are some genuinely nice posts interlaced. Some people have brought up some good points that I hadn't really considered, which is nice to have perspective on and gives me something to think about, and for that, I thank you.
I'd like to see what you have to say in about 6 months. Im fairly confident your views will change on what exactly being a SAHM is. My husband, who adores our toddler, openly admits that he can't do what I do. Oh yeah, he works 9-12hrs 5 days a week in stressful and physically demanding environment.
My SIL openly admits that she could not ever stay home and take care of her daughter because it's too hard. She works in Operating Rooms for a medical equipment company.
SAHM sounds so easy and fun that everyone and anyone should be able to do it??
It's one thing to have a UO, it's another thing to come on here and insult some the women who contribute to this board. Whatever you may think this lifestyle is about, I can assure you that you are wrong. I can't wait for you to enter motherhood and realize how incredibly difficult and trying it can be. Good luck with your journey! All the power to mom who balance work & motherhood AND those who make the sacrifice to stay home and make it work.
Oh Good Lord, indeed! It's also not called "Post an unpopular opinion so people can get needlessly hostile on the internet towards you Thursday", but maybe it should be. Don't want to read rants you disagree with? Maybe don't click on a thread asking for Unpopular Opinions!
And dadgumit, I also didn't know it was "Post your unpopular opinion so our self-righteous rants *back* at your stupid, ignorant ass can save you from your unholy wold of delusion Thusday" either. I stand corrected.
Sorry I didn't "handle" it better so you all can log off feeling better about being needlessly and *personally* cruel on the internet to a stranger who disagrees with you.
There are some genuinely nice posts interlaced. Some people have brought up some good points that I hadn't really considered, which is nice to have perspective on and gives me something to think about, and for that, I thank you.
QFP For clarity- you didn't post a UO. A summary of everything you've stated in all your posts: The only one who should get to complain is me.
This. Your whole argument is "they have no right to complain/vent/repost articles on Facebook because I want what they have and think the grass is greener." Guess what? Every long-term unemployed person or person working two or three minimum wage jobs can say the same about your long rant about your job. Having the ability to get an education that gets you the level of job that involves days of 12 hour meetings and mandatory socializing with coworkers is also a privilage. Someone somewhere always has it worse. Or at least can perceive to have it worse and be jelous. Maybe I'll tell you that you don't have a right to your feelings and stress and exhaustion because you have it so cushy with a paying mid or high level job? How does that feel?
Most of you ladies have said all there is to say about the SAHM vs working mom debate. I just want to add that just because you're the stay at home parent, doesn't mean you won't miss milestones. I missed DS1's first laugh and first time rolling over because I was taking a shower (rolling over), and putting laundry away/cleaning (first laugh). DH was rewarded with those amazing firsts from our overly difficult first born, and I missed them.
I just have to chime in...because...why not. I was working part time in retail when I got pregnant with both my girls. I went back to work after 12 weeks unpaid leave with DD1. My husband worked during the day and I worked the closing shift at work. We couldn't (and still can't) afford daycare and don't have any (reliable) family around that's able to help out. When I got pregnant with DD2, we decided that I wouldn't go back to work after I had her. When she was almost 2, we needed the extra income, so I got another part time job in retail, again working the closing shift after my husband got off work. I then decided to take on two extra kids in my home as a part time nanny, in addition to still working 2 closing shifts a week at work. So, while 5 days a week I stay at home, I by no means feel privileged. These kids drive me nuts...honestly I can't stand them most days...but it pays the bills and I know it's cheaper for my friend than a traditional daycare would be. My oldest is in school, so during the morning/afternoon I have 2 four year olds and a two year old that destroy my house and then after school add to that an almost 6 year old (going on 16)...oh and I'm 31 weeks pregnant and so exhausted from not getting any good sleep that my house is usually a mess.
That's just my story. Some days I hate it and I wish I could just go to an office and not deal with it all. But most days I'm thankful I get to spend this much time with my kids because they sure grow up fast.
We all have it tough some days, some of us can deal with stress better than others. Some of us need to complain on the internet just to feel a little better...it doesn't mean we think the other side has it better, it just means we're human.
Two things I have learned from this thread: 1. Whether you SAH or go back to work-- we all have our own baggage and guilt, and it's really freakin' hard (but worth it). I actually understood where @AshleyBKeen was coming from on some points (mainly the pressure to keep everyone in the work place happy-- I happen to have a job where it was reeeeaaally difficult to tell people that I was going to take additional maternity leave and I got some side-eyed judging that I'd never be able to do my job as well again. The double pressure of being a good mom and having a successful career is real). However, staying at home definitely doesn't sound like a picnic either. The grass will always be greener, and no matter the choice, we're all superheroes for growing and raising kids. I'm super thankful for all of you second/third+ time moms sharing your wealth of knowledge on this board.
2. Disliking Vera Bradley is more popular than I thought! Huzzah!!
Re: UO??
I once went into a bathroom at the mall and a mother had made her *teenage* son come in with her. He looked completely mortified.
Hopefully your son will learn to punch pedophiles before high school
Whn I was pregnant with said 3 year old DH came to all appointments to share in the experience. It was exciting even if nothing happened during the appointment. He was getting his credential online so it wasn't like he took time off. But when we were pregnant with our next son he still came to appointments and it just so happened that when the doctor couldn't find a heart beat and rushed me to the hospital, I don't know what I would have done if my husband wasn't there, and I had to deal with that AND my toddler. I know that's a rare experience but that's what happened. With this pregnancy he comes to some.
AshleyBKeen, it sounds more like you're jealous of SAHM's and that you hate your job. I agree with Mar(numbers) above, it might be time for a new job. But FYI be warned if you choose to be a SAHM. We get a lot of crazy assumptions thrown at us.
I look at it like this:
I work in the corporate world by day. Sometimes it sucks. Sometimes I like my job. Often I have mommy guilt because I work. If I stayed home, I would have to learn how to live with half of our income, but we would find a way. I have guilt because my jobs pays for someone else to take care of my kids during the day. And I am privileged there is a little left over to hire someone to scrub my bathrooms.
Then there are SAHM. They do not work in the corporate world, but with kids at home, they are working all day long too. They are entertaining and teaching their children, cleaning up messes, planning meals, and trying to juggle all the daily chores at the same time.
SAHM work. Corporate women work. They are just different. Different ways of contributing. Different.
There is no need to mom shame anyone. We are all just doing what works best for our families. Moms have guilt for dropping kids off at day care. But moms have guilt for not contributing financially to their family. Moms feel guilty when their house is a mess. Moms feel guilty when they clean too much and don't spend as much time with their kids.
Quit spreading the guilt. Just love your kids. There will be no other time like today.
DST T4L
One of the many reasons (in addition to not being able to afford not to) I will be going back to my (paying) job is because I just don't have the work ethic to be a SAHM. That shit looks fucking hard. I have nothing but respect for mothers - regardless of where they work (at home or at their place of employment). We are ALL working mothers.
Also - I didn't realize I could love Target more than I already did. Good for them. Anyone who thinks a trans-person using the bathroom that corresponds to their gender identity means an increase in safety concerns, for anyone other than the trans-person, clearly doesn't know a single thing about the subject.
Everyone brought up great points and did open my eyes to a lot of different things. Honestly, as a FTM there will be a lot of things I have opinions about that will change when this LO gets here.
I hope I didn't offend any of you with my wording- I think everyone here is a great mother with a different approach and I respect all of you and the decisions you make for your children.
Thanks for for enlightening me instead of flaming me
Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
I have no desire to be a SAHM. If one of us had to stay home, it would be my husband not me. I think whether you work out of the home or are a SAHM there are pros and cons for both. Neither is better than the other. I honestly just don't think I am cut out to be a SAHM.
People who think a transgendered person using the bathroom they identify with is anyway related to bathroom assaults is a bigot. Sorry not sorry. If you agree with the NC "bathroom bill" then you can't bring your little son into the women's bathroom with you either. Oh but that's different you say. No, this wasn't a problem before NC made it a problem. It's so ridiculous I can't even. Go target! And people who want to boycott Target now, seem to mostly be men who are worried their daughters and wives are now going to be more vulnerable to attacks in the bathroom. Oh but think about the women and children.
My husband tries to go to every OB appointment if he can. Now that I'm going every couple weeks, it's up to him. However, my husband doesn't normally work on Monday and Tuesdays, and that is when most of my appointments are, so it works out. He has missed a couple, but if he can go, he loves hearing the baby's heartbeat.
And then people who are in that enviable position want to talk about how difficult it is? Too much.
But screw me for having an actual unpopular opinion in a thread about unpopular opinions. So now, I'm not just terrified, jealous, annoyed, and hate my job, it I also feel like shit because aparently having feelings makes me an igorant asshole looking to stir up trouble who is irritated when the pot boils. But, apparently *that's* guilt tripping so screw me twice.
No one should ever post an actual unpopular opinion on this thread. Ever. Not even once. It's just not worth it.
@laurenm2123 posted a pretty unpopular opinion on this thread and she handled the flame she got by turning it into a learning experience which is light years better than the way you approached it.
In a thread on unpopular opinions why are you SO surprised so many people disagreed with yours.......
There is no guilt over not being present for your kids. Instead there is guilt over wasting 9 years of higher education and a PhD. Guilt over your spouse having to be the sole provider and thus not being able to make some choices in his career that he might make if three people weren't depending on him just him for food and a roof. Guilt over every item of clothing or jewelry or makeup that you buy yourself that aren't absolute necessities because you are spending family money on them, not your own salary.
I am a SAHM not by choice. I wanted to work. I still want to work. I tried for two years to find a job that would pay enough to cover daycare and not require 3 hours of round trip commuting each day so I could have at least that hour before bedtime with my son that you mention. I didn't find one. So I'm home feeling like a failure twice a week when I take my son to daycare so he can socialize and see working moms in heels at drop off. And then I spend the day running errands, cooking, and cleaning and trying to keep busy while he's there to feel less bad about just being home with no job while someone else takes care of him. Some privilege.
Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
DD1 born 11/2014
DD2 born 6/2016
(edited because smileys don't work on here for some reason)
For clarity- you didn't post a UO. A summary of everything you've stated in all your posts: The only one who should get to complain is me.
My SIL openly admits that she could not ever stay home and take care of her daughter because it's too hard. She works in Operating Rooms for a medical equipment company.
SAHM sounds so easy and fun that everyone and anyone should be able to do it??
It's one thing to have a UO, it's another thing to come on here and insult some the women who contribute to this board. Whatever you may think this lifestyle is about, I can assure you that you are wrong. I can't wait for you to enter motherhood and realize how incredibly difficult and trying it can be. Good luck with your journey! All the power to mom who balance work & motherhood AND those who make the sacrifice to stay home and make it work.
https://austin.citymomsblog.com/2016/04/20/stage-life-hard/
1. Whether you SAH or go back to work-- we all have our own baggage and guilt, and it's really freakin' hard (but worth it). I actually understood where @AshleyBKeen was coming from on some points (mainly the pressure to keep everyone in the work place happy-- I happen to have a job where it was reeeeaaally difficult to tell people that I was going to take additional maternity leave and I got some side-eyed judging that I'd never be able to do my job as well again. The double pressure of being a good mom and having a successful career is real). However, staying at home definitely doesn't sound like a picnic either. The grass will always be greener, and no matter the choice, we're all superheroes for growing and raising kids. I'm super thankful for all of you second/third+ time moms sharing your wealth of knowledge on this board.
2. Disliking Vera Bradley is more popular than I thought! Huzzah!!