I'm totally not singling you out because you didn't specify why you disagree and that's fine, but I want to rant regarding the bathroom "issue." I just don't get why it matters. I see a lot of people citing it as a safety concern but I'm sorry. That's a crock of shit. If some psycho/pedophile wanted to go into a bathroom and kidnap or rape a boy/girl, the fact that the bathroom sign says women's isn't going to stop him.
I'm not saying that there's no psychotic/pedophillic transgenderered people but if they want to attack someone in a bathroom they can regardless of what the sign outside says so...
I think that argument is transphobic and I hate it and I haven't really come across a argument that is really legitimate against allowing people to use whatever damn bathroom they want.
Oh, right...I wanted to comment on the husbands coming to appts things, too. My husband hasn't missed a single appointment, & even came with me last week when I got the Rhogam shot. I was literally in & out of the hospital in 15min. I love that he wants to be so involved; he asks questions & is interested in learning as much as he can. I recognize, though, that this isn't feasible for many people. Our situation is unique, & H works in sales so on appt days he just does local calls or works from home. I'd be pretty bummed if he didn't want to be so involved...but, it's also just what I'm used to now. Plus, I really love the company while I wait.
My H comes to all the appointments he can because 1) he wants to, and 2) he's super excited about this baby (not to say that dads that dont go to appts aren't excited) and wants to be involved.
On the BFing: If you and your kid want to keep it up, go for it. It gets weird when you're BFing your kid before they borrow the car keys to go for a drive
H came to every appointment with me when I had DS because his schedule allowed for mornings off. This time around, he stays home with DS and I go. I do this because its nice to enjoy an hour BY MYSELF. Why? Because I have a crazy toddler that I focus 100% of my time & energy on and am available to 24/7 365.
I'm totally not singling you out because you didn't specify why you disagree and that's fine, but I want to rant regarding the bathroom "issue." I just don't get why it matters. I see a lot of people citing it as a safety concern but I'm sorry. That's a crock of shit. If some psycho/pedophile wanted to go into a bathroom and kidnap or rape a boy/girl, the fact that the bathroom sign says women's isn't going to stop him.
I'm not saying that there's no psychotic/pedophillic transgenderered people but if they want to attack someone in a bathroom they can regardless of what the sign outside says so...
I think that argument is transphobic and I hate it and I haven't really come across a argument that is really legitimate against allowing people to use whatever damn bathroom they want.
I just had this EXACT conversation with my sister yesterday. Like, word for word.
Naaaaaaah who am I kidding, I've gotta argue with all of you.
1 - I will never tell my child to base her clothing choices off of what men think of them. The male gaze is not her responsibility. I will, however, encourage her to dress in clothing (whether for swimming or not) that is comfortable and conducive to play before all other concerns. She doesn't wear bikinis (at age 2) for the same reason that she doesn't wear high heels. She wears t-shirts and leggings and sneakers and a sensible one-piece.
2 - She gets breastfed whenever she asks for it (and yup, she asks for it and has been able to do so since like, 6 months). She just last week hit the MINIMUM recommended breastfeeding duration according to the WHO. I will continue to breastfeed her until she doesn't want to anymore. That's not weird, it's natural. I have zero judgment for anyone who chooses not to breastfeed or who weans their child rather than letting the child self-wean. I expect the same courtesy.
3 - I'm not a SAHM because I don't want to be. My daughter is at home with me 4 days a week (I work from home) and by day 4 I'm like I NEED A BREAK FROM THIS CHILD and I welcome the change of pace that comes with just working all day and being an adult without dealing with any poop or tantrums. I don't like moms whining about how hard it is to be a mom all the time on social media in general, but let's not look down at SAHMs like their life is so easy.
For the girl bikini issue - Italy has an interesting take on this. Both little girls & boys wear bottoms only - bikini bottoms for girls, speedos or trunks for boys. There's nothing on top, so nothing to cover - for either. This is the most common beach attire for little girls.
I'd say they don't start wearing tops until the age when the girls themselves would start to get modest - probably 9 or so. Initially, I thought this was very weird, but I've gotten used to it. Children's chest are just not sexual.
For the record, Italian women very rarely go topless - it's fairly common in other parts of Europe (France & Scandinavia come to mind), but all the topless women I've seen in public in Italy were foreigners. So it's not an issue of all ladies going topless.
I'm totally not singling you out because you didn't specify why you disagree and that's fine, but I want to rant regarding the bathroom "issue." I just don't get why it matters. I see a lot of people citing it as a safety concern but I'm sorry. That's a crock of shit. If some psycho/pedophile wanted to go into a bathroom and kidnap or rape a boy/girl, the fact that the bathroom sign says women's isn't going to stop him.
I'm not saying that there's no psychotic/pedophillic transgenderered people but if they want to attack someone in a bathroom they can regardless of what the sign outside says so...
I think that argument is transphobic and I hate it and I haven't really come across a argument that is really legitimate against allowing people to use whatever damn bathroom they want.
I agree 100%. That argument doesn't make sense! In reality, the largest number of pedophiles are men, so I'm more afraid of letting my son go into a men's room by himself, than I am a transgendered person coming into the women's restroom and using the stall next to mine. How is that a safety concern!??! People are scared and judgmental of what they don't understand and hide behind agendas like "It's a safety issue" rather than owning their bigotry! I say good for Target for standing their ground!
My (probably very) UO: I think children who can ask to be breastfed are too old to breastfeed.
I don't mean to offend or mommy shame- I just can't help but think it's weird and slightly inappropriate when 3,4&5 year old are still breastfeeding.
Oh hey there! I'm totally one of those inappropriate moms that bf a talking tot, and you know what else???? I definitely did it just to creep you out, and because I'm a sexual deviant. But what can I say? I'm an AW, ya caught me.
Oh and also, I'm a SAHM and it's easy as pie. I'm basically a living breathing Snow White when it comes to cooking, cleaning, and tending to a little man.
And lastly, I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I'd dress her in bikinis- but only to encourage a patriarchal society in which women's bodies have the power to cause men to lose control of themselves, and are therefore not to blame for raping and assaulting scantily clad females. Because witchcraft is cool yo.
I'd also like to add that if a child can ask for broccoli, he's too old for br....oh, wait...that makes NO SENSE. And news flash: breastfeeding is not 100% only about nutrition, either.
@June2016BabyW your job sounds heartbreaking. I'm as glad that there are people able to do what you do as I am angry and sad that it's necessary.
Also, this is totally FFFC, but I had no idea that it wouldn't be "normal". My husband comes to almost every appointment. However, we are both fortunate enough to have jobs where there really isn't a schedule. We usually have a nice lunch and it ends up being like a date.
My hubby has come to all of mine too, except the last 2, he had jobs out of state. I like when he comes with me, plus I like not having to drive. He loves hearing the heart beat. We have a nice lunch after too. It's nice
@ahernandez16 I agree with you. My issue is more with people boycotting businesses and yelling at people about the issue just because you don't agree with their opinions. If people want to cause problems in a bathroom, a sign won't stop them. Everyone should just learn to respect others opinions and let them live their lives.
I'd also like to add that if a child can ask for broccoli, he's too old for br....oh, wait...that makes NO SENSE. And news flash: breastfeeding is not 100% only about nutrition, either.
True--the specific example I gave could have been a case of the child doing it for comfort. I thought about that. I think it just ended up being really distracting for other people in the meeting (whether that's right or wrong) and it's just not something I'd choose to do. But my experience has been that DS1 lost interest in BFing at 9 months, so my perspective is probably different just right off the bat because of that. Add to that: I have experienced harassment and discrimination in both my pregnancies, as well as when I went back to work after DS1 in a business setting. (Examples: I was fired. My direct supervisor balked when I asked for a place and time to pump. She also called me a cow.) People assumed that I wasn't as focused on job/work simply because I was becoming a mom or a parent of a newborn. Would I want to invite further discrimination by BFing in a business meeting? Nope. It's not right that I am scared of that, but it was real for me.
I have a friend who is still BFing her 4 year old constantly and will do it for the foreseeable future. I met her in La Leche League, so I consider it my job to keep cheering them on. If it works for them, fantastic. (It might hurt once he gets braces, though...)
TTC#1 since May 2011
BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
I was totally going to mention that extended breastfeeding has little to do with nutrition in cultures where it is not deemed "inappropriate" by society, but @parsonsperson beat me to it. I'll add that breastfeeding is often cut short in cultures where it is a nutritional necessity due to malnourished mothers having the inability to continue milk production.
I'd also like to add that if a child can ask for broccoli, he's too old for br....oh, wait...that makes NO SENSE. And news flash: breastfeeding is not 100% only about nutrition, either.
Yes! I was surprised to learn that many pediatricians now recommend either breastfeeding while giving vaccines or immediately after (depending on their comfort with hitting the target in a less than optimal position) because it is really comforting and soothing.
Yes! I was surprised to learn that many pediatricians now recommend either breastfeeding while giving vaccines or immediately after (depending on their comfort with hitting the target in a less than optimal position) because it is really comforting and soothing.
BFing totally saved my sanity. I pretty much never had issues with the babies crying in public because if they started to fuss, I could nurse them - no, I don't bring toddlers to business meetings (nursing or not - what?!), strip down naked, etc. But I certainly kept my babies quiet in church, at restaurants, on airplanes, at the doctors' office, etc. And it's an excellent analgesic for painful procedures or when they're under the weather.
I'd also like to add that if a child can ask for broccoli, he's too old for br....oh, wait...that makes NO SENSE. And news flash: breastfeeding is not 100% only about nutrition, either.
Yes! I was surprised to learn that many pediatricians now recommend either breastfeeding while giving vaccines or immediately after (depending on their comfort with hitting the target in a less than optimal position) because it is really comforting and soothing.
With my second, the nurses told me to nurse while they did the heel prick blood test thing (don't remember what it's called) she barely flinched, was more annoyed they kept pulling her leg straight to squeeze the blood onto the paper. With my first they didn't mention it and I didn't know and she screamed the whole time
I am totally split on the bathroom situation. While I don't give a shit if a transgender man is peeing next to me at Target.. However, I do think that if a pedophile man walks into the Target mens bathroom looking to cause trouble no one would question it because its a man going into the mens restroom.. He could stay in there ALL day long and do whatever he does to numerous children becuase no one would question a man going in to the mens restroom. The second a man goes into the womens restroom I guarantee someone would notice and he would be out of there pronto. I do know that my son will be going to the womens restroom with me until he is old enough to punch a pedophile in the face.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
Someone else want to rip this apart? I would love to but I'm too busy taking my privilege for granted.
I HAVE to jump in here. I'm BY NO STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION a kept SAHM. We lived under the poverty line BY CHOICE so I could raise our kids. Don't you dare tell me I'm a kept woman because I stay home. No, we don't have "all day to clean." We clean and little kiddos follow behind us and undo it all. And that's okay because this is their home. But it is hard and exhausting and never ends. And I also happen to love it because it's what we've chosen for our family. We set our lives up around the notion that we wanted me to stay home with our kids. We didn't buy a home until we could afford it. We don't go on vacations. We don't drive nice brand new cars, I rarely buy myself anything (even maternity clothes that I NEED). But you know what? I don't bitch about it. This is the life we've chosen for our family. But thanks for putting words into my mouth and assuming every single SAHM is a kept woman like your mom.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
I was going to stay out of this but the quoted above tears at me any time I see it. You don't know me and you do NOT know my financial situation. I live in a rural area that we will not leave because of the nature of my husbands job. There is not a job in our area that I am qualified for that would pay me enough money to cover the cost of daycare for my kids. So I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK. It is in no way a *privilege as you called it. Also, the article you mentioned previously wasn"t just a woman complaining about how hard her life was. She was reaching out other parents so that they know they aren't in it alone. Being supportive and caring of her peers. Something you obviously don't know to do.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
If you are SO insanely busy at work then why the F are you on TB during work hours posting a damn novel?
@June2016BabyW it's a horrible thing to have to say, but I have a 15 year old, so this is experience talking. You have to explain pedophiles and every other kind of sex crime to them eventually, no matter what they wear. Which I guess is kind of my UO.
I firmly believe that there are age appropriate conversations for children of all ages about sexuality and their bodies. People who avoid these conversations freak me out. I also have a 15 year old niece who is incredibly naive. She's my daughters best friend. The body of a girl who had been murdered and assaulted was found on the campus of the college my daughter wants to attend just a few weeks ago. When she mentioned it to her cousin she had to explain what that meant. In less that 3 years my niece will be off to college and have a 1/5 chance of being sexually assaulted, but had no idea what that actually meant. If kids don't know the truth about these things then they cannot protect themselves or their peers.
I agree completely that these conversations have to be had (which truly is just horrifying to know). And it's not that I would consider NOT having the conversation. I think since I work with kids who have been molested and sexually abused, I am probably more likely to have the conversation fairly early on (the focus can't just be on "stranger danger" any more people). However, I still think when you put little girls in clothing that should (or shouldn't) be meant for older women, you are setting a trend for what they consider to be a norm. I have friends who let their kids wear bikinis throughout their childhood but once they told them they couldnt around the age of 12, the kids argued about it because it is what they have always done. I actually had a 14 year old come in for counseling with her mom not too long ago wearing shorts that would make a volleyball player blush. I told her she couldn't come to session in those any more. Both she and her mom looked really surprised and then her mom said "I told her they were too short." Then why did you buy them for her and why did you let her leave the house in them??!?! Oh...because you yourself are wearing those ridiculous patterned leggings. The kids argument? " I always wear stuff like this."
**STUCK ON BOX**
Regarding the bonded
Really? Apparently I am going to dress my child inappropriately because I wear silly patterned leggings. Big eye roll from me over here.
I'm about to transition from working lawyer to SAHM and I just appreciate and love you all for taking the time to post your perspectives. Everyone has a different experience, and mine will not be like any of yours.
But I'm fucking terrified of quitting work.
I don't need to tell anyone why- you can all come up with valid reasons to be scared that either you live with every day as a SAHM or valid reasons to scared that prevent you from quitting work to be a SAHM.
I understand being terrified to face the change of becoming a SAHM. But internet stranger to internet stranger, you seem pretty qualified to handle (with wit) whatever comes your way during the transition.
TTC#1 since May 2011
BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
I work. I also live in a town where there are a lot of extremely privileged SAHMs who have housekeepers, f/t nannies, tutors, chefs, etc. And some complain. And some of the working moms complain. So what.
I also however, am a pediatric nurse & take care of just about the sickest kids going. They have a chronic illness, require lifelong extremely high risk meds and are frequently in & out of hospital & doctor's offices. A cold can put these kids (and adults - when they grow up) into a death spiral. It's such a rare and serious condition that, generally speaking, the parents know more about the condition than most doctors & nurses they encounter, so these families are, by necessity, extraordinarily vigilant.
For many of our families, both parents working is not an option. Depending on their initial socioeconomic status and other factors, this may or may not be a massive financial hardship. But for many families, it is simply impossible, if they want their child to live at home and ensure the minimum of medical care their child needs, for both parents to work. It's not a choice or a privilege at all.
ETA - some of these very wealthy SAHMs would really rather be working, putting their advanced degrees to good use, etc., but it's not feasible b/c their husbands are earning their buckets of money by working ridiculous hours & traveling non-stop. So, sure, could they have a job that may or may not pay for childcare, and be of no interest to them? Probably. Could they feasibly return to their pre-children careers, which would also require them to commute, travel, work long hours, etc? Not really. There are also a surprising number of the reverse arrangements in my town - SAHDs whose wives have the lucrative/high powered/demanding careers.
Also stupid: the idea that because something can be deemed a "privilege" that it must also be ripe with joy and rainbows at all times. Examples of "privileges" that often suck, for funsies:
Also stupid: the idea that because something can be deemed a "privilege" that it must also be ripe with joy and rainbows at all times. Examples of "privileges" that often suck, for funsies:
Driving Voting Eating Vacation Higher Education
I am really bored at work today.
Or the idea that because something is hard it means the person doesn't appreciate. My marriage has been ridiculously hard at times, but I certainly love my husband and expect up to be together till one of us dies. Admitting that it's difficult doesn't devalue it.
Sheesh, maybe I should have stuck to FFCF. You all are right, I'm a hateful bitch with no heart or empathy for anyone else's outstanding situation. I'm a completely one dimensional cartoon person defined solely by this one opinion. Generalizations ALWAYS apply to *everyone's* unique situations all the time, and there is literally no room for any outstanding circumstances or exceptions. I'm glad you thoughtful, kind, supportive and understanding folks are here to tell me what a horrible, bitchy, ignorant asshole I am. Otherwise I might never know.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
Seriously?!!?! You cannot be that naïve to think that being a SAHM is nothing but "nature walks" and "mommy blogging". What world do you live in? I'm a working mom and that is hard, I won't lie. But I am someone who considers taking my son to a wonderful daycare cheating. I feel guilt every single day that I can't spend more time with my son, but I also know that I need my job to keep me sane. My sister was a SAHM and it's nothing but sacrifice. The reason that mommy wars are so terrible is because there are pros and cons to both sides. Neither is easier than the other, it's all what's best for your family. Your post comes across as so hostile towards women who, like you, are sacrificing something (money, identity, etc) to do what works for their family. People have asked me if it bothers me to have someone else raise my kids and how I could possibly work with three little ones. People asked my sister if she worries she was setting a bad example for my nieces. These kinds of judgment, which are all along the same lines as your post, are terrible and do nothing for women - working or staying at home! Seriously!!
@AshleyBKeen do you have kids already? Or are you basing all of this solely off of what you seem to remember from your mom's singular experience as a mom?
Here's a fact: you were the child. You have no idea what your mom did or didnt do while you were at school or what theie financial situat ion was. You were school age, which in case you haven't noticed, the majority of the children in this forum are not! There is a HUGE difference in a 6 year old and a 2 year old. A HUGE difference in staying home with a 2 year old who tries to "help" and driving a 6 year old to school and having uninterrupted hours to clean an entire house and get food on the table..
Let me tell you, the inability to pee alone, to shower alone, to feel like I am contributing to the upkeep of our home because I don't work is a very validating lifestyle. I love wearing 3rd hand clothes and buying or being given the same for my kids. I love feeling guilty when I go buy a new bra or pair of pants because my other one fell apart. And I freaking love driving a car that is 15 years old. But I chose this. I was the main income in our family before I chose to stay at home. I would be making almost twice what my H does. We don't live in an area where you hire a nanny and housekeeper. The don't exist around here. You are seriously making a judgement based on what you see on TV and what peoplevel on FB say is normal. Which is totally ok, because, you know, the internet is never a place for a bunch of women lie on a daily basis to look good. It's on FB, it must be true.
Being a working mom is difficult. Being a SAHM is difficult for other reasons. You are the one that started the "mommy war" on here.
Fun fact: Anyone else's complaining about their life on social media is generally tiresome, regardless of whether they work or stay home or how many nannies they have or when they get home or what kind of flowers they saw on their nature walk. So long-ass rants complaining about how other people have no right to complain because your life is so much more worthy of complaining about are extra irksome, largely due to the total lack of self-awareness.
Bottom line: Parenting is hard for everyone, support is important to everyone, and if you don't like what someone posts on Facebook, quit your bitching and use one of the many options at your disposal to keep them from showing up in your news feed.
Sheesh, maybe I should have stuck to FFCF. You all are right, I'm a hateful bitch with no heart or empathy for anyone else's outstanding situation. I'm a completely one dimensional cartoon person defined solely by this one opinion. Generalizations ALWAYS apply to *everyone's* unique situations all the time, and there is literally no room for any outstanding circumstances or exceptions. I'm glad you thoughtful, kind, supportive and understanding folks are here to tell me what a horrible, bitchy, ignorant asshole I am. Otherwise I might never know.
Re: UO??
He never takes off work though. I usually make them on days he's off and the few I couldn't work around his schedule he missed. No big deal.
Eta: I don't drag him. He enjoys it. I have one today he has to miss and he's actually really bummed.
I'm not saying that there's no psychotic/pedophillic transgenderered people but if they want to attack someone in a bathroom they can regardless of what the sign outside says so...
I think that argument is transphobic and I hate it and I haven't really come across a argument that is really legitimate against allowing people to use whatever damn bathroom they want.
I'd be pretty bummed if he didn't want to be so involved...but, it's also just what I'm used to now. Plus, I really love the company while I wait.
SaveSave
On the BFing: If you and your kid want to keep it up, go for it. It gets weird when you're BFing your kid before they borrow the car keys to go for a drive
Naaaaaaah who am I kidding, I've gotta argue with all of you.
1 - I will never tell my child to base her clothing choices off of what men think of them. The male gaze is not her responsibility. I will, however, encourage her to dress in clothing (whether for swimming or not) that is comfortable and conducive to play before all other concerns. She doesn't wear bikinis (at age 2) for the same reason that she doesn't wear high heels. She wears t-shirts and leggings and sneakers and a sensible one-piece.
2 - She gets breastfed whenever she asks for it (and yup, she asks for it and has been able to do so since like, 6 months). She just last week hit the MINIMUM recommended breastfeeding duration according to the WHO. I will continue to breastfeed her until she doesn't want to anymore. That's not weird, it's natural. I have zero judgment for anyone who chooses not to breastfeed or who weans their child rather than letting the child self-wean. I expect the same courtesy.
3 - I'm not a SAHM because I don't want to be. My daughter is at home with me 4 days a week (I work from home) and by day 4 I'm like I NEED A BREAK FROM THIS CHILD and I welcome the change of pace that comes with just working all day and being an adult without dealing with any poop or tantrums. I don't like moms whining about how hard it is to be a mom all the time on social media in general, but let's not look down at SAHMs like their life is so easy.
I'd say they don't start wearing tops until the age when the girls themselves would start to get modest - probably 9 or so. Initially, I thought this was very weird, but I've gotten used to it. Children's chest are just not sexual.
For the record, Italian women very rarely go topless - it's fairly common in other parts of Europe (France & Scandinavia come to mind), but all the topless women I've seen in public in Italy were foreigners. So it's not an issue of all ladies going topless.
I agree 100%. That argument doesn't make sense! In reality, the largest number of pedophiles are men, so I'm more afraid of letting my son go into a men's room by himself, than I am a transgendered person coming into the women's restroom and using the stall next to mine. How is that a safety concern!??! People are scared and judgmental of what they don't understand and hide behind agendas like "It's a safety issue" rather than owning their bigotry! I say good for Target for standing their ground!
I'm totally one of those inappropriate moms that bf a talking tot, and you know what else???? I definitely did it just to creep you out, and because I'm a sexual deviant.
But what can I say? I'm an AW, ya caught me.
Oh and also, I'm a SAHM and it's easy as pie. I'm basically a living breathing Snow White when it comes to cooking, cleaning, and tending to a little man.
And lastly, I don't have a daughter, but if I did, I'd dress her in bikinis- but only to encourage a patriarchal society in which women's bodies have the power to cause men to lose control of themselves, and are therefore not to blame for raping and assaulting scantily clad females. Because witchcraft is cool yo.
I'd also like to add that if a child can ask for broccoli, he's too old for br....oh, wait...that makes NO SENSE. And news flash: breastfeeding is not 100% only about nutrition, either.
I have a friend who is still BFing her 4 year old constantly and will do it for the foreseeable future. I met her in La Leche League, so I consider it my job to keep cheering them on. If it works for them, fantastic. (It might hurt once he gets braces, though...)
BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
BFP #3 October 6, 2015. WHAT???
With my first they didn't mention it and I didn't know and she screamed the whole time
It IS UO Thursday, I have a UO.
I *wasn't* Mommy warring before, but now that everyone's decided that they need to prop up the sacred cow... If I could just walk away from my job scott free and be done with it after delivery? Hallelujah, sign me up RIGHT now! The only people you have to worry about scolding you, or denigrating your ability to do your job well are your kids, possibly your spouse (though I hope not), maybe your Mom or Mother in Law, or a stranger in a grocery store and in that case -- who cares? Your only deadlines are the ones that you set for you. You don't have to worry about stacking up at performance reviews, or getting fired and you don't have some arbitrary authority you have to answer to because reasons, or they've worked there longer, or the rules say so. You don't have to travel away from your family to support 12 hour days of technical meetings where you were negligible value added, but HAD to attend, followed by "mandatory fun" with all your coworkers + alcohol.
Do you have to deal with tantrums and nap time and meltdowns and not having an adult conversation and a tighter budget? Most definitely you do. But your house stays cleaner (I Hope) because you don't arrive home after 8-9 hours of killing it + commute to KEEP killing it at home until you collapse in bed from exhaustion. Oh and you don't have to grapple with the crippling guilt of missing your kiddos childhood (which, by the way, your Mom or Mother-in-law or a stranger in the grocery store might still scold you for). Oh and budgeting doesn't go away in a dual income household and the dishes and the never ending laundry still have to get done and somebody has to cook dinner and grocery shop and help with homework and all the things that have to get done while you're staying at home -- you just get to have fun dividing that labor between the two cranky adults who just got home from dealing with other cranky adults all day. Oh and if you're *not* doing homework with them, because they're too little for it, enjoy the hour you get with your kids before their bedtime. You don't get a lunch? I work through mine most days.
I watched my Mom do the kept-woman stay at home thing my entire life. And she worked hard at it -- our house was always immaculate, the laundry was always done, there were never dishes in the sink and she volunteered at our school on the regular. I'm not saying that SAH's don't add value or work hard, but staying at home is a *privilege*. Maybe my mom was a special snowflake that had it easier than most? But I swear, if I could do my grocery shopping in the middle of a Tuesday, avoid the insane evening lines and parking, had TIME to clip coupons or shop sales or run my grocery list through ibotta, and the worst thing I had to worry about was some other snippy mom asking why my baby wasn't wearing a coat and if I didn't have anything other than yoga pants to wear, that would be *amazing*. and if you're SAHing and your kids are *in school*? Sweet merciful goodness, I'd give my left arm most days to have that many hours to get things done around the house. Holy crap, maybe I could unearth my nightstand from the layer of dust that's settled on it since we moved in two years ago.
So many SAHs I know view work like a vacation that folks get to enjoy while they drop their little puddins off at fo-freesies-fun-times-daycare. Negative. Working full time is not like volunteering in your free time with the PTA. It's like having another, angry ill-mannered child that needs your complete and undivided attention 8-9 hours every day, sometimes needs 24-hour surveillance, and somehow manages to run your thought cycle even when you're away from it.
And honestly? It's not the SAHING that bothers me. I'd love to SAH! It's the SAH bitching. If SAHing is sooo terrible, go back to work. Don't complain about how sucky your life is while you're privileging it up mommy blogging and taking pictures of dandelions on your nature walks.
Also, the article you mentioned previously wasn"t just a woman complaining about how hard her life was. She was reaching out other parents so that they know they aren't in it alone. Being supportive and caring of her peers. Something you obviously don't know to do.
BFP #1 June 2011 m/c@6wks
BFP #2 December 2011, EDD 8/21/12, born 7/21/12 at 35w4d
BFP #3 October 6, 2015. WHAT???
Edited because words are hard.
I also however, am a pediatric nurse & take care of just about the sickest kids going. They have a chronic illness, require lifelong extremely high risk meds and are frequently in & out of hospital & doctor's offices. A cold can put these kids (and adults - when they grow up) into a death spiral. It's such a rare and serious condition that, generally speaking, the parents know more about the condition than most doctors & nurses they encounter, so these families are, by necessity, extraordinarily vigilant.
For many of our families, both parents working is not an option. Depending on their initial socioeconomic status and other factors, this may or may not be a massive financial hardship. But for many families, it is simply impossible, if they want their child to live at home and ensure the minimum of medical care their child needs, for both parents to work. It's not a choice or a privilege at all.
ETA - some of these very wealthy SAHMs would really rather be working, putting their advanced degrees to good use, etc., but it's not feasible b/c their husbands are earning their buckets of money by working ridiculous hours & traveling non-stop. So, sure, could they have a job that may or may not pay for childcare, and be of no interest to them? Probably. Could they feasibly return to their pre-children careers, which would also require them to commute, travel, work long hours, etc? Not really. There are also a surprising number of the reverse arrangements in my town - SAHDs whose wives have the lucrative/high powered/demanding careers.
Driving
Voting
Eating
Vacation
Higher Education
I am really bored at work today.
Seriously?!!?! You cannot be that naïve to think that being a SAHM is nothing but "nature walks" and "mommy blogging". What world do you live in? I'm a working mom and that is hard, I won't lie. But I am someone who considers taking my son to a wonderful daycare cheating. I feel guilt every single day that I can't spend more time with my son, but I also know that I need my job to keep me sane. My sister was a SAHM and it's nothing but sacrifice. The reason that mommy wars are so terrible is because there are pros and cons to both sides. Neither is easier than the other, it's all what's best for your family. Your post comes across as so hostile towards women who, like you, are sacrificing something (money, identity, etc) to do what works for their family. People have asked me if it bothers me to have someone else raise my kids and how I could possibly work with three little ones. People asked my sister if she worries she was setting a bad example for my nieces. These kinds of judgment, which are all along the same lines as your post, are terrible and do nothing for women - working or staying at home! Seriously!!
Here's a fact: you were the child. You have no idea what your mom did or didnt do while you were at school or what theie financial situat ion was. You were school age, which in case you haven't noticed, the majority of the children in this forum are not! There is a HUGE difference in a 6 year old and a 2 year old. A HUGE difference in staying home with a 2 year old who tries to "help" and driving a 6 year old to school and having uninterrupted hours to clean an entire house and get food on the table..
Let me tell you, the inability to pee alone, to shower alone, to feel like I am contributing to the upkeep of our home because I don't work is a very validating lifestyle. I love wearing 3rd hand clothes and buying or being given the same for my kids. I love feeling guilty when I go buy a new bra or pair of pants because my other one fell apart. And I freaking love driving a car that is 15 years old. But I chose this. I was the main income in our family before I chose to stay at home. I would be making almost twice what my H does. We don't live in an area where you hire a nanny and housekeeper. The don't exist around here. You are seriously making a judgement based on what you see on TV and what peoplevel on FB say is normal. Which is totally ok, because, you know, the internet is never a place for a bunch of women lie on a daily basis to look good. It's on FB, it must be true.
Being a working mom is difficult. Being a SAHM is difficult for other reasons. You are the one that started the "mommy war" on here.
Bottom line: Parenting is hard for everyone, support is important to everyone, and if you don't like what someone posts on Facebook, quit your bitching and use one of the many options at your disposal to keep them from showing up in your news feed.