Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: Leave of Absence
* Totally believable, actually, because this country's embarrassing parental leave laws make it really clear that family isn't actually valued, but awful nonetheless.
How frustrating. I'm so sorry for this. :-(
SaveSave
I have no paid leave and my company doesn't let me roll over PTO each calendar year, so I get your frustration. FMLA is a good option to secure your job but at least have some time with baby. I WISH at least part of it was paid for everyone who needs to take FMLA, regardless of what they are taking it for.
Please provide more information:
- are you in the USA?
- have you worked full time for your current employer for at least one year (at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of the leave)
- Is your employer a "covered employer" (public agencies, including State, local and Federal employers, and local education agencies (schools); and, private sector employers who employ 50 or more employees for at least 20 workweeks in the current or preceding calendar year - including joint employers and successors of covered employers.)
- Under the Family Medical Leave Act, a covered employer must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid leave in a 12 month period for one or more of the following reasons:
- for the placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care, and to care for the newly placed child;
https://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/1421.htmThank you for clarifying.
"Paid" leave is a real problem across the board. We've worked so hard just to not get fired for taking leave, it sometimes slips my attention that we should be getting more than an excused absence for being mothers.
Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
This right here. So fricking true.
Palisson said: "Paid" leave is a real problem across the board. We've worked so hard just to not get fired for taking leave, it sometimes slips my attention that we should be getting more than an excused absence for being mothers.
This just plain sucks!
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
i also have no pay and will be using accruals as we can't afford income loss (we will still take a big hit). Can you use any accruals? Maybe take at least a few weeks at half time? If I use 50% accruals (~20hrs a week) during FMLA, I don't have to pay the full insurance cost, just our usual premiums.
I think the only reason my job is letting me split FMLA is because they don't want to replace me. Not having any paid leave still sucks, though.
I empathize. I have no benefits at my job as a contract employee so no PTO time or sick leave and no STD. I will be able to take FMLA but it doesn't do any thing other than protect my job and help explain the gap in hours (I'm on a loan forgiveness program where I have to average a certain amount of hours a week at work and this would explain the shortage of hours during that time). Even then, I'm only trying to take a month off before going back because we need the money. So we have been saving money wherever we can and have not bought much for the baby just to give me a little time off. It does suck very bad and I'm more horrified that, in your situation, if you were bio mom you would possibly be entitled to more time off.
Honestly, do the best you can over the next couple of months and take whatever time off you can. I hope this doesn't take away from the excitement of being a new mom and welcoming your sweet baby home soon!
It took us awhile to conceive, so when my due date fell over summer break I thought it would be perfect as a teacher. However they start counting my paid leave during summer break when I'm not scheduled to work, so I'll only get a week or so paid once the school year starts. Then I can take unpaid leave under fmla. I might be the only lady hoping to have an overdue baby!
love4labs, you do get a leave an absence (whether its FMLA or not) and you don't lose your job, which while it's the minimal employers should do, is better than some people get. I'm just trying to show you the silver lining. Many fathers only get what you are getting, if they are lucky. I'm not saying it's right, but it is what it is. Is there a reason you are only finding this out now?
Is the 8 days your vacation days that have accrued this year? That sucks you don't accrue more while on leave. I'm lucky in that my vacation days do accrue while I"m on maternity leave, but I know not all employers do that.
Now, can your husband stay home instead of you for the majority of the time since you are the breadwinner?
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
I hate maternity leave in the U.S....FMLA doesn't even cover a ton of women in the U.S. and we are supposed to be "grateful" for unpaid leave.
I think it's ridiculous that fmla only covers 3 months of job protection but I am thankful that I at least get that since it looks like not everyone even does. I don't want to send my baby to daycare at three months. But I have to choose between doing that and not having a job to come back to afterwards. We need better job protection in the US for new mothers.
not sure what state your in but if your in CA there is something called Paid Family Leave. Only covers a % of wages and certain amount of weeks and adoptions are eligible. Not sure if other states have this. Good luck and I hope you can get something worked out!
Triplets due 6/29/16 also from an IUI!
@Love4Labs326: this whole situation sucks! I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Our maternity leave coverage is horrible. A mother should be forced away from her child so early for financial reasons, whether biological or adopted.
3 IUI's w/Clomid & Ovidrel=all BFNs
3 IVF (2 Fresh, 1 frozen) =BFN
Jan 2012 New RE & Fresh Cycle =BFP!