Leave of Absence

violetmarie61516

So it was just confirmed today, I have no paid leave available to me as an adoptive mother.  That means at MOST I will only have 8 days of paid time off to take when our baby arrives.  I am REALLY upset and do not know what we are going to do.  I make twice as much as DH and we can't afford for me not to work.

MynaBird

Completely unbelievable.* I'm so sorry.

* Totally believable, actually, because this country's embarrassing parental leave laws make it really clear that family isn't actually valued, but awful nonetheless.

purplefan1

Oh my goodness that's terrible. Are there any supplemental plans you could sign up for? Could you stock pile as much as possible for the next three months and take at least a month off? Will you still be covered by FMLA (which I believes will cover you for adoption and caring for the new baby) or could you work a light work load for your job like perhaps part time work?

How frustrating. I'm so sorry for this.  :-(

CourtJack

That is awful!!!! And am I safe to assume you would've had leave if you gave birth yourself? I am furious for you. A mom is a mom. She needs time with her new child! 

MamaNicoleof3

^ what they all said. I'm so sorry. How awful. 

BabyboyS2016

Oh my dear. My heart aches for you. Mine and H's company offers the same FMLA coverage for adoptive parents as birth parents, but I see that you mentioned unpaid and salary concerns, which obviously excludes the FMLA coverage as a viable option. Here's an honest question: do you have coworkers that are close to you who would consider "selling" you their PTO? Could your H afford to take time off? What about you working from home? I know you said you planned on breastfeeding, would it be possible to accommodate that as a reason for WFH? I am so sorry you are in this situation. 

crdo

Oh, that's terrible. This country is woefully backwards when it comes to family leave. Whether you give birth or not, you're a new mother who needs time with her child.

MsBeachNJ

I'm so sorry to hear that! Is there anyone in HR/upper management you can escalate this gross oversight to? 

DeePaddy24

I am so, so sorry. That's absolutely awful, & I can only imagine how you must be feeling. 

CopperLane

I'm sorry! I really wish this country had maternity leave. Do you qualify for FMLA? If you do, is splitting it up an option? I'll be splitting mine up so I will work 3 or 4 day weeks and have some income, but some time off for baby bonding. I do know that splitting up FMLA for baby bonding is up to the discretion of your employer, but if they love you then they should be willing to work with you. 

I have no paid leave and my company doesn't let me roll over PTO each calendar year, so I get your frustration. FMLA is a good option to secure your job but at least have some time with baby. I WISH at least part of it was paid for everyone who needs to take FMLA, regardless of what they are taking it for. 

Palisson

@Love4Labs326
Please provide more information:

• are you in the USA?
  
• have you worked full time for your current employer for at least one year (at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of the leave)
• Is your employer a "covered employer" (public agencies, including State, local and Federal employers, and local education agencies (schools); and, private sector employers who employ 50 or more employees for at least 20 workweeks in the current or preceding calendar year - including joint employers and successors of covered employers.)
• Under the Family Medical Leave Act, a covered employer must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid leave in a 12 month period for one or more of the following reasons:
• for the placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care, and to care for the newly placed child;

https://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/1421.htm

HeartLikeMine3

I don't have much advice but just wanted to give you my sympathy that really sucks. Can your DH take off? I know you really want to be home with the baby but he's the next best thing!

MynaBird

Palisson said:

@Love4Labs326
Please provide more information:

• are you in the USA?
  
• have you worked full time for your current employer for at least one year (at least 1,250 hours during the 12 months prior to the start of the leave)
• Is your employer a "covered employer" (public agencies, including State, local and Federal employers, and local education agencies (schools); and, private sector employers who employ 50 or more employees for at least 20 workweeks in the current or preceding calendar year - including joint employers and successors of covered employers.)
• Under the Family Medical Leave Act, a covered employer must grant an eligible employee up to a total of 12 workweeks of unpaid leave in a 12 month period for one or more of the following reasons:
• for the placement with the employee of a child for adoption or foster care, and to care for the newly placed child;

https://www.dol.gov/whd/regs/compliance/1421.htm

It sounds from the original post as though unpaid leave isn't the issue -- it's the lack of paid leave. My employer also is subject to FMLA and doesn't provide paid parental leave, but we do have an employer-provided STD policy that provides some relief. I can only use it because I'm carrying the baby; my coworkers who are not the childbearing parent don't have the same benefit, so any leave they take is unpaid.

Palisson

@MynaBird 
Thank you for clarifying.

"Paid" leave is a real problem across the board. We've worked so hard just to not get fired for taking leave, it sometimes slips my attention that we should be getting more than an excused absence for being mothers.

mrsb8244

Oh my goodness I am so sorry you're going through this! It makes me so mad and upset that employers don't have to offer paid maternity leave for moms. I wish I had more help to offer

lm45678

I have nothing to offer, but just want to say how awful and unfair that is. I can't imagine how dissapointing it must be to have this magical time taken away from you.

cjackrunfast78

That sucks really bad!! I am sorry you are having to go through this.

starkeyclan

Nothing to say that PP haven't already...but I'm so sorry!

catherinekate

Nothing to add except sympathy--I also fall through a loophole and won't get paid maternity leave. My income isn't near what my husband makes, but it will still hurt. The system is so unfair sometimes and I'm so sorry that you're in this position.

This right here. So fricking true.
Palisson said: "Paid" leave is a real problem across the board. We've worked so hard just to not get fired for taking leave, it sometimes slips my attention that we should be getting more than an excused absence for being mothers.

violetmarie61516

Everything you all said is correct.  I don't have to use "FMLA" because it will just be considered a leave of absence.  Either way FMLA or LOA, it would be unpaid.  Time off isn't the issue, it's that I won't get paid.  Like @MynaBird  said, if I was the one delivering I would be covered under paid STD but because it's not my medical issue that I'm taking time off for I am not covered.  This came right from HR so I can't go any higher than that.  My direct boss thinks it's a load of crap too but she has to follow the rules as well.  My company doesn't allow sharing/selling of PTO.  I can't break up the leave either, it will need to be used continuously up to 12 weeks unpaid.  I HIGHLY doubt I would be able to work from home.  I am a call center supervisor for a major hospital and it doesn't allow me to do much from home but I will be asking.  I'm also concerned about my medical benefits now too, I'm not sure if I have to pay the full premiums while I am on leave or not.  I also won't accrue any additional paid time off while I am on leave either so when I go back I still won't have any flexibility.

This just plain sucks!

TunieBee

I don't get paid leave either. I have to incur the cost of all my benefits myself while I'm on unpaid leave (medical, etc). Unfortunately this is the case for many people. Regardless, it totally sucks. I'm sorry. 

violetmarie61516

It's 10:24 PM where I am and I'm baking cupcakes trying to make myself feel better!

HBamama2B

I'm so sorry. I also have no paid leave, and I think the lack of even 60% pay STD offset for non-birthing parents is ridiculous (actually the idea of disability as parental coverage is what's ridiculous, given this and every paternal situation).

i also have no pay and will be using accruals as we can't afford income loss (we will still take a big hit). Can you use any accruals? Maybe take at least a few weeks at half time? If I use 50% accruals (~20hrs a week) during FMLA, I don't have to pay the full insurance cost, just our usual premiums. 

VikingGirl12

What the actual f. A mother is a mother. I'm so sorry that this is happening! 

Lilwatz

I'm so sorry.  How heartbreaking.  And enraging.  Hope those cupcakes were amazing!

adiaz132003

Ugh that blows.  Since you are the main breadwinner, can H take some time off to take care of the baby? 

CopperLane

I'm sorry they won't let you split leave up! You can split up FMLA for anything without work saying no...except for baby bonding. With FMLA you should be protected from having to pay your employers share of your insurance coverage each month. I don't know how leave of absence is. 

I think the only reason my job is letting me split FMLA is because they don't want to replace me. Not having any paid leave still sucks, though. 

alitria

@Love4Labs326 I can tell you that I was told the primary difference between FMLA and a leave of absence many places is that under FMLA, they continue to provide the company paid benefits.  While I am on FMLA I still pay my premiums that I pay each month when I'm getting my normal check, but my employer continues to provide the same amount of money towards my insurance premiums.

kwife15

I'm so sorry about the situation. That's such a load of crap.

Bear14+

While I was on leave, I got 6 weeks at 60% pay for SD. I still had to reimburse the company for my portion of health insurance while I was out. So I guess there is no technical reason for short term disability. You would be protected under FMLA though. US maternity benefits are a joke. 

purplefan1

Leave time sucks for so many places and so many reasons. I saw on your link that you work for a major hospital, which makes it even more ridiculous that they won't give you any time off.

I empathize. I have no benefits at my job as a contract employee so no PTO time or sick leave and no STD. I will be able to take FMLA but it doesn't do any thing other than protect my job and help explain the gap in hours (I'm on a loan forgiveness program where I have to average a certain amount of hours a week at work and this would explain the shortage of hours during that time). Even then, I'm only trying to take a month off before going back because we need the money. So we have been saving money wherever we can and have not bought much for the baby just to give me a little time off. It does suck very bad and I'm more horrified that, in your situation, if you were bio mom you would possibly be entitled to more time off.

Honestly, do the best you can over the next couple of months and take whatever time off you can. I hope this doesn't take away from the excitement of being a new mom and welcoming your sweet baby home soon!

Linsbins

I agree that it is a load of crap. @Love4Labs326What state are you in and what were you under the impression you were entitled to? 

It took us awhile to conceive, so when my due date fell over summer break I thought it would be perfect as a teacher. However they start counting my paid leave during summer break when I'm not scheduled to work, so I'll only get a week or so paid once the school year starts. Then I can take unpaid leave under fmla. I might be the only lady hoping to have an overdue baby! 

huskypuppy14

Guys this is why we have to vote for the right people in this election cycle. Parental leave is a big issue. Now, for the OP's issue, this isn't unique. I know it sucks, but if you are not the birth mother, STD doesn't apply. Many many employers use STD as most if not all of their maternity leave policy in the US.

love4labs, you  do get a leave an absence (whether its FMLA or not) and you don't lose your job, which while it's the minimal employers should do, is better than some people get. I'm just trying to show you the silver lining. Many fathers only get what you are getting, if they are lucky. I'm not saying it's right, but it is what it is. Is there a reason you are only finding this out now?

Is the 8 days your vacation days that have accrued this year? That sucks you don't accrue more while on leave. I'm lucky in that my vacation days do accrue while I"m on maternity leave, but I know not all employers do that. 

Now, can your husband stay home instead of you for the majority of the time since you are the breadwinner?

violetmarie61516

Yes I do understand that maternity/adoption benefits completely suck in the US.  I was under the impression that I would have 6 wks paid time off from my employer until recently when they informed me that I will not.  The original plan was for DH to stay home full time and only work weekends.  Because I'm planning to breastfeed, it will be very difficult to have a newborn and not be there to actually feed.

mkemommy

@Love4Labs326 -  Why were you under the impression that you would get 6 weeks leave and now you don't?  Did they change the policy on you? 

I hate maternity leave in the U.S....FMLA doesn't even cover a ton of women in the U.S. and we are supposed to be "grateful" for unpaid leave.  

Starlight32

What a crappy situation

I think it's ridiculous that fmla only covers 3 months of job protection but I am thankful that I at least get that since it looks like not everyone even does. I don't want to send my baby to daycare at three months. But I have to choose between doing that and not having a job to come back to afterwards. We need better job protection in the US for new mothers. 

wildtot

Lurking from April16

not sure what state your in but if your in CA there is something called Paid Family Leave. Only covers a % of wages and certain amount of weeks and adoptions are eligible. Not sure if other states have this. Good luck and I hope you can get something worked out!

Huskerfanz

Love4Labs326 said:

Yes I do understand that maternity/adoption benefits completely suck in the US.  I was under the impression that I would have 6 wks paid time off from my employer until recently when they informed me that I will not.  The original plan was for DH to stay home full time and only work weekends.  Because I'm planning to breastfeed, it will be very difficult to have a newborn and not be there to actually feed.

Are you working with a dr on the breastfeeding?  Is there any way to look at this from that medical angle vs the adoption angle and get STD or whatever the 6 wks was? 

MAbride0808

Linsbins said:

I agree that it is a load of crap. @Love4Labs326What state are you in and what were you under the impression you were entitled to? 

It took us awhile to conceive, so when my due date fell over summer break I thought it would be perfect as a teacher. However they start counting my paid leave during summer break when I'm not scheduled to work, so I'll only get a week or so paid once the school year starts. Then I can take unpaid leave under fmla. I might be the only lady hoping to have an overdue baby! 

I'm in similar situation, but I want the opposite.  I am due 2 weeks before the end of school.  DD was 2 weeks early, so I'm hoping the same for this one.  I am going to take the first 2 weeks off of the next school year, but it is unpaid and will cost me about $5,000.

@Love4Labs326: this whole situation sucks!  I am so sorry you are dealing with this.  Our maternity leave coverage is horrible.  A mother should be forced away from her child so early for financial reasons, whether biological or adopted.

newbabymakes4

alitria said:

@Love4Labs326 I can tell you that I was told the primary difference between FMLA and a leave of absence many places is that under FMLA, they continue to provide the company paid benefits.  While I am on FMLA I still pay my premiums that I pay each month when I'm getting my normal check, but my employer continues to provide the same amount of money towards my insurance premiums.

@Love4Labs326 I would look into this too, make sure they're not going to doubly screw you by messing with the insurance side of things.  I'm so sorry that you won't have any paid leave, that's really unfair.  Family leave in this country is so pathetic.

bankssl1

@Love4Labs326 Private message me the info for your page!