So I feel so weird posting this but I need some advice and support. Lately, I've been having to watch breastfeeding videos and how to's trying to prepare for when my beautiful baby girl gets here but the more I watch videos the more intimidated and freaked or i get by breastfeeding. I know it's the best thing you can do for your baby and I really want to try but I can't get over this feeling. I even thought that maybe I'd just exclusively pump and avoid the uncomfortable feelings I have but then it's been pointed out to me that mom's who exclusively pump have a limited supply and have problems producing enough for the baby. So I'm at a loss right now and not sure where to go from here. Formula feeding isn't the end of the world but I really want to figure out how to get past feeling uncomfortable with breastfeeding so I at least have a choice.
Beautiful Baby Girl Amelia Marie
Born May 25, 2016
Angel Baby January 20th, 2017
Baby #2 Due December 6th 2017
Re: Scared of Breastfeeding
And you are absolutely right that formula isn't the end of the world!
I BF my two kids for 6 months and then swapped to formula after my supply tanked. I will admit that BF my first one was weird at first (it does feel different than anything else done to my nipples) but I was worked through that quickly.
If you can describe what exactly is freaking you out about BF, I may be able to supply some better advice.
Trigger Warning for talk of sexual violence.
For me, I was sexually assaulted when I was 18, and the assault was specifically aimed at causing immense physical pain to that part of my body. I've gone through a few other less-violent assaults and was also raped, and all of it combined has left me with just a LOT of emotional issues related to sex and my body in general. This whole pregnancy has actually been really difficult because of these things as well.
My fears over breastfeeding are numerous: I'm afraid of physical pain. I rather hate that part of my body, and I'm upset that they've grown, and the idea of them being like this long-term is upsetting. I do not view breastfeeding as sexual, but the idea of anyone's mouth there, even a baby's, really upsets me anyways. I also fear that I will resent the baby for "having a right to" that part of my body. I fear that when the baby "demands the breast," I will react with anger and resentment. I fear that breastfeeding may be the opposite of a bonding experience for me. I also would like to go back on my antidepressants, but I do not want her to consume any through breast milk. If I do pump or breastfeed, I will not be comfortable taking the antidepressant that I know works for me.
You'd think my choice would be obvious, but, on the flip side, I wonder at the chance of being able to tie something positive to that part of my body. If I could experience pride, strength, etc. from the experience, breastfeeding could be immensely healing. I also feel obligated to supply breast milk. I feel a lot of pressure to breastfeed or at least pump.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Not to be gross, but last night, for the first time ever, I produced a drop of colostrum. Just one drop. It caused a 3-hour meltdown. I feel like the baby owns my body and like I am disappearing. My body feels more hers than mine, and I just got so upset.
I'm in rather intense therapy, and given how pregnancy has played out, I'm basically guaranteed to have post-partum depression and anxiety. It may be more beneficial for everyone for me to formula feed and go back on my medication. On the other hand, I am struggling with feeling so much pressure to breastfeed. I'm working with my therapist to figure out what I'm going to do.
Married: Oct 20, 2013
BFP 1: Aug 31, 2015
EDD 1: May 12, 2016
DD1 Emma born May 12, 2016
An Honest Account of New Motherhood (with Postpartum Anxiety, Depression, and OCD)
BFP 2: October 07, 2019
EDD 2: June 20, 2020
ETA: Food for thought... Oxytocin is released when you BF which is the same hormones that are released with orgasm, eating chocolate...My let down felt like the first feeling you get when a pain pill kicks in. Makes you all lovey dovey too
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Born May 25, 2016
Angel Baby January 20th, 2017
Baby #2 Due December 6th 2017
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
I understand that it's natural and feelings may change, but I honestly think it's ok to be told that our feelings don't have to change. There's so much pressure related to breastfeeding and it feels like people look at you as though you've grown an extra head if you espouse anything other than positivity about it. I think it's better to go into this experience not assuming our feelings will change or waiting for a euphoric moment and if we're surprised, great. And if not, that's ok too.
Thanks for posting mommas.
I went to the meetings to build a support network in case of problems (which I had after delivery & they helped so much and I successfully nursed my baby) but I am a very private person and didn't see anyone actually nurse there nor did I want to, I wouldn't have felt comfortable watching the videos either.
What I did feel comfortable with was reading all I could about the benefits and learning different holds.
LLL suggested several great books that gave me the confidence and resolve that nursing was the right choice for my baby, and that along with a support network after baby and picking a baby friendly hospital with a LC readily available and letting DH know how he could best support me so I could support baby made all the difference in my success after delivery and beyond.
Good luck!
Don't read or watch too much! There is so much info out there on breastfeeding it can get overwhelming and make you feel like a failure if you have a hard time. (Spoiler alert: lots of us have a hard time and you are not a failure!) With my first had barely any supply; I couldn't even pump, but all the breastfeeding info out there had gotten in my head and convinced me that my baby would be irrevocably damaged if he got a drop of formula. Well, he ended up in the hospital at a month old for failure to thrive and formula saved his life.
I fully plan to try breastfeeding again with this one, but I will not allow myself to stress about it, and if it's not working and he's not gaining we will go to formula right away this time. Go easy on yourself and listen to your body and your instincts and you will be fine!
Personally I'm not too excited about doing it, but I will do what is best for her and myself for as long as I can. My goal is 6 months. And if I really can't stand it(which I think mothering instincts will take over and it will be a non issue), then I'll pump. And if that doesn't work, then it's a really good thing someone figured out this whole formula thing.
To OP and PPs: It is not an easy decision and it is not one that you need to make right away. Give yourself time to get used to the idea of your baby receiving nourishment from your body, but don't feel any shame or guilt if that is not for you. You will be giving your baby love and nourishment, whether from the breast or the bottle, and the most important thing is that you are present and giving love while feeding. If you need to "block it out" or just endure it, you will be doing yourself and your baby a disservice. Will it be hard in the best of circumstances? Yes. And it might hurt and it might make you frustrated. But only you can decide if it is the right choice for you and it doesn't make you any less or more of a mom whichever path you chose. You are an awesome mom just by the fact that you care about your child and want to do what is best.
The idea of breastfeeding doesn't make me uncomfortable (although I did laugh during one of the hand expression videos they showed in our BF class because I'm immature and because, well... nipples) but it is one of the many things about becoming a mother that I just can't imagine. Same with giving birth. Can I picture it as an outsider looking in? Kind of. But from a first person perspective where it is me on the table, me bringing life into the world and then me breastfeeding my LO? Nope, I just can't imagine it. I'm scared and intimidated and freaked the F out but ultimately I have faith that my body will know what to do and faith in my doctor and my support system of family and friends.
I knew I wanted to bf DD, but was also weirded out by the prospect. I'd never seen bfing but a few times, no one on my family bfed. Plus, my breasts are an event in our sex life, it felt weird to imagine how bfing was going to go. My feelings instantly changed when I met DD and she started nursing, bfing was a rush of love and peace and physically felt nothing like foreplay. That sounds creepy typed out, but I was seriously worried about that. Within my breastfeeding journey, I learned about myself that yes I'm a mother, I'm maternal and gentle and loving at the breast, but I'm still a sexual woman, still a wife. Breasts are multi purpose in our house, just like hands.
I agree with so much of the above.... sometimes more information about bfing is a hindrance, not a help. At least prenatally before baby is at the breast. My doula have me the best advice when Iwas about a week pp: you don't have to have your whole bfing relationship decided right now! You only have control over what's directly in front of you. Right now, I'd focus only on what you need to know for the first few days. And as always, I encourage moms new to breastfeeding to find a la Leche league or other in person support while pregnant to have in your back pocket if you need help.
Thinking about breastfeeding (not other people, just me actually doing it) makes me deeply uncomfortable in some emotional way I can't quite identify or explain. It's some combination of anxiety, disgust and self-loathing. My hope is that when I give it a go, all those feelings will melt away and I'll breastfeed happily for like six months. But if they don't I'm fully prepared to formula feed. The last thing I want is for these weird feelings to come between me and my daughter.
BFing seemed a bit weird to me too before I did it. I took the hospital class and of course wanted to giggle through most of it. I had no idea how long I would BF for and honestly that second night of DD cluster feeding I wanted to quit. I didn't though and EBFed until she was 15 months.
I will honestly say that to me BFing was the hardest part about adjusting to motherhood but at the same time it was one of the best parts. Sounds strange but it's how I felt. When I started it was a bit awkward and a bit painful but at the same time it felt so natural. I'm not one of those hippie types at all (DD was a planned C-section from the moment my ob confirmed the pregnancy) but I was super proud of what my body was able to do after having her which I think is why I was able to BF for so long.
Also, for me my nipples were absolutely the most important part of foreplay with DH until I had DD, but guess what...we found other things that turned me on instead and even more. So it worked out.
But everyone should feel fine and comfortable with however they choose to feed their baby. Don't ever let anyone tell you one way is right or wrong. You need to do whatever works for you!!! If you want to try then try it. If you don't want to then don't!
i promise your baby will not love you any less for choosing to feed it formula.
ME: 35 DH: 39
Married July 2011
DD Born 8/12
TTC #2 since 11/13
ME: Submucosal Fibroid Surgery Date APRIL 14th 2015 -Left Tube is blocked by Fibroid~Surgeon removed 26 Fibroids from my Ute and Unblocked my Tube
DH:Azoospermia...Thank God we have 12 vials of frozen swimmers
July 15-Check to see if Ute is all healed
IUI #1 8/3/15...BFN
IUI #2 9/5/15...BFP on 9/17/15
Beta #1-344
Beta #2-809
Beta #3 8,390
1st u/s 8/8/15 1 bean HB 135 @ 6w5d
I've been that nurse that tries to help new moms breastfeed their newborns (under-educated, too busy, but well-intentioned). My goal as a nurse was to help the mom/baby in the way that they needed it - not my personal belief.
So, while I've "seen it all", my experience nursing the twins was far from what I expected. My girls took breastmilk via feeding tubes for the first 3.5months of their lives. We tried nursing, but it didn't work out for a number of reasons. I want you, OP, to know that it is possible to maintain, even increase, your supply only by pumping. I pumped for 16months and fed 2 babies, only giving them formula when their doctor had me add formula powder to my breastmilk to increase the caloric value.
I wish you all the best on your newborn journey, whether you feed from the breast, via the pump, formula, or all of the above! Just feed those babes! There is a lot of support on this board, and I hope we will continue to look to each other for support, answers, and camaraderie!
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
Mama to Three Girls:
Twins born March 2014 at 26 weeks due to preterm labor
and our 37weeker born May 9th, 2016!
Born May 25, 2016
Angel Baby January 20th, 2017
Baby #2 Due December 6th 2017
I THINK my discomfort comes from my prior life as a dairy worker combined with a fear that Im going to resent the baby for needing me and only me all the time. Particularly since OB says no bottles for 6 weeks. Ive been a bit down this whole pregnancy and am super worried about post partum depression and the BF anxiety doesn't help Ugh.
Nothing to add, just comiserating with you
One of my favorite parts of being pregnant is how it really has the opportunity to remove judgement from your life. I know all of you will find what works best for your whole family-yourself included!
To piggyback off of what @Karenpreggo said, I also get a bit annoyed at the pressure to breastfeed. I looked up baby formula on Consumer Reports and the first part of the article was about how much better it is to breastfeed, and I was just like
This time around, I took a class to learn more about various positions and to just feel more educated. I hope i'm more successful, but as a second time mom I know not to put unnecessary pressure on myself.... I'll do what I can and make the best of it!
To all you new moms out there - just do what feels best for you! There was no legit reason that BFing wasn't working for me, except it just wasn't. There is such a push to breastfeed that I think it becomes a deterrent to some people.
Born May 25, 2016
Angel Baby January 20th, 2017
Baby #2 Due December 6th 2017
Eta: For those curious about the standards, and wanting to nerd-out on data, here is some of the associated research and country implementation data:https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://apps.who.int/iris/bitstream/10665/85621/1/9789241505987_eng.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwitruKtyeTLAhVF2R4KHeZRAdAQFggdMAE&usg=AFQjCNE94IJ69-LggG3UkRUvtVuW_EsA1Q&sig2=JTwcdxqS2I7PBKQBRHN3bA
I have never been comfortable with the idea of BF and am hoping to exclusively pump. My husband is supportive, but it really does feel like the rest of society is not. BF is pushed SO much that it really does have the opposite effect on me!
TBH, I really just want to skip any sort of breastmilk and do formula only, but I'll always feel ashamed if I don't at least try. I kind of secretly hope that I just can't produce like I should and don't have to worry about it...but also feel like a bad person for even thinking that!
My other hope is that this feeling will just go away once I have an actual baby to feed and it's not just some weird "future thing". Pregnancy has been like that--I was super weirded out by a lot of preggo related things before I started going through it, but now that I'm experiencing it, it's not bothering me like I expected.
I'm afraid that the baby just won't do it. I'm afraid that it will hurt. I'm afraid that I will feel let down if it doesn't work out. I'm afraid that even if everything goes wonderfully that it will be so stressful to have to breastfeed so often for so long. I'm afraid that I won't feel support from my husband if I struggle with it because he won't be able to relate and I don't know if he will try and empathize. All of it makes me anxious!