@star18star My home life was very secure, but I had a few unstable relatives with similarly unstable living situations who we visited when I was growing up. My parents would employ a few tactics. One was to take that person out for a meal, or to the park for a little while. If there's a good outdoor space older kids can play outside- which creates a reason for you and DH to also get away from second hand smoke and critters.
I hope you find a way to meet her that works for you!
@Thscary yes. That is her. Also have you seen Guilt Trip? Also her, she is exactly the overbearing Jewish mother in every movie.
@leahknits back to Massachusetts? Ummmm, I think we do have the same MIL!!! Hahaha sometimes I feel like the third wheel around her and my husband. So awkward.
After reading everyone's stories, I almost hate to complain about mine because its nowhere as bad as most.
My MIL is great, and I have no real complaints. My own mother, on the other hand... She's very loving, and there was nothing bad about the way she raised me or our relationship while I was growing up. However, she's overbearing, a hypochondriac, and tells stories that never happened. For example, my whole life she has sworn up and down that she struggled to get pregnant for my little brother. Yet she miscarried another baby at 6 months (no one but her remembers this) and was pregnant for my brother for 11 months. Oh, and my brother and I are only 2 years, 2 months apart. So tell me how all (or any) of that makes sense? Also, the only pregnancy complications she ever had was toximia with my brother. Not saying that wasn't a serious issue, but her pregnancy with me was perfectly healthy. I had never heard anything but that until I had high blood pressure with my first. Then suddenly when she was pregnant with me, her blood pressure was 500/300 and her doctor refused to give her medicine for it. Not making that number up, it is what she said. For the record, she would have stroked out if it got even close to that number. Then when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes... guess who else suddenly had also had it? Yeah, my dad had never ever heard of GD until I was pregnant. It's to the point that I always have to double check her stories with my dad first because I just can't trust her. I know I could have it so much worse and that's why I feel bad complaining, but all of it is just a lot to handle sometimes.
@AnnaS930 Yes! To the third wheel part. I feel like such a third wheel when we're together. Like, she'll link elbows with him if we're all walking somewhere, insists on sitting next to him at restaurants, and gives him hugs all. the. time. So awkward. She's always constantly praising him and talking about how she did such a good job raising her boys. Because DH turned out to be suuuch a wonderful man, it must mean that she did a great job with them, right? Or not. Her parenting was mostly neglect. I think it's a miracle that DH and his brother survived long enough until they could take care of themselves. She thinks I'm going to let her babysit when she comes here. But last time she visited she was bored and she wanted to teach our 4 year old to make prank phone calls. Seriously, who does that? And she has favorites. Our oldest daughter, the 4 year old, is her favorite. Sometimes it's very obvious. The 4 yr old's birthday is in July and MIL sent her $20 and a little painting that she'd painted. The 2 yr old's birthday is in August and she got $5 and a card. She's talked about coming here every July so that she never misses the 4 yr old's birthday. But we have 3 kids and that means she'd never be here for the other kid's birthdays.
Wow....all I can say is that I am so sorry, everyone!!! My MIL bugs me sometimes but nothing is post-worthy after reading all of your stories. In fact, this thread may help me not judge her so harshly in my mind, lol.
My mom is my best friend. I love her so much!
Married: 3/21/15 First time mom to a human but have been a puppy mamma for over 12 years
I have to say it's not just my mom and MIL it's everyone. Everyone is driving me nuts right now. I have friends and family sending me "helpful" email, text messages, Facebook posts. I have my husband constantly hovering over me and asking if everything is ok all of the time. Everyone has good intentions but they are driving me nuts and I just want to be left alone. What I can't understand is that this is my second pregnancy and no one acted like this the last time I was pregnant.
mom2adoodle haha yes this is exactly what she does!!! One time she was in the middle of rearranging and I asked her to stop and she said "oh you can just put it back when I am gone..." WHAT?
I am thankful for my husband and father-in-law, they both are completely sane and quick to check her. Apparently after one episode of intense reorganizing and cleaning my house, my FIL told her they weren't coming back for a while, not until she could control herself and act like a normal guest. The weird thing is she thinks she is being helpful by doing all this. Oy.
Omg I've been waiting for this thread! My mil is honestly one of the craziest people I have ever met. I'm a really easy going person and I get along with everyone and I despise this woman..
Let me start by saying she is a very religious Greek woman. I am married to her youngest of three sons. I never had an issue with her until I got pregnant. She ruined the memory of the birth of my first son. While I was in labor I politely asked her and my fil to leave the room because I was very uncomfortable with the fact that she brought my fil in the room! She refused so I finally had a nurse kick them out discreetly. She caused a huge scene in the hospital, yelling at all the nurses and telling them that my own mother wasn't really my mother and tried to have them remove her from by my side.. After 36 hours of labor and finally I c section, I got to hold my baby for 20minutes before she ripped him basically from my boobs while I was feeding him.
We we went through this intense power struggle where she thought she was the mommy. She actually told me that my son was "her baby". She yelled at me when I would have a glass of wine and tell me I'm a terrible mother for drinking while breastfeeding "her baby". Honestly! Crazy. She would wake up the baby on purpose and tell me it's not normal for him not to be crying?? and of course she knew my feeding schedule better then myself? It was a nightmare. Now I'm very forward with her and not afraid to speak my mind. I'm not letting her anywhere near that hospital with baby #2!!
What. The. Actual. F***. Bless your heart for having to deal with that. Holy crap!!!
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
@runningisrad@SarahMConnors I lost my mind! Honestly if it wasn't for my Saint of a fil (who I totally love and adore) and my totally amazing dh, this woman would not be allowed to see my child. My dh always sides with me and sticks up for me. We (both of us) didn't speak to her or let her see her grandchild until she apologized for calling me a bitch to my face.. I try to stay sensitive to the fact that no matter what she is his mother and because of their culture she will always be in our life. I don't know how my dh grew up with this woman! I now barely speak to her and keep her at an arms length. But I am not that kind of person to deny her seeing her grandchild forever. Her problem is with me and I try to be the "bigger person" and suck it up at family get togethers. Btw I am not Greek to my mil's dismay. At the time we were also living with them temporarily while our house was finishing being built and I literally couldn't escape her. Lots of emotions.. I lost like 50lbs trying to avoid eating dinner with her. Very unhealthy and unhappy time in my life. I felt weak and unconfident in myself as a new mother. Never again! If I have any advice for new moms. Believe in yourself and capabilities! If people are over stepping thier boundaries don't be afraid to let them know they need to back off!
@brittgrant2727 Sounds like a greek mother!! I work closely with an older greek woman with three kids (kids are 21-27 years old). She doesn't have any grandkids yet but it is crazy how much she micro manages their lives. Pays for pretty much everything. Her son is the youngest (he is 21) he was sick recently and she told me she rubbed vicks on his chest for him (!!!) She told me the other day she cut her son's steak bc he is bad with a knife.
I will say that all of her children are very successful and 2 of them will be doctors... but still
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
@mom2adoodle I wish my MIL had contributed more than just demands for our wedding. She contributed nothing more than a nice gift and afterward sent me a two page letter via email detailing everything we, my parents, our guests, etc did wrong. It was a nightmare and we didn't speak for 6 months. Now hat we're expecting baby #2 (our second together, I had two girls from my previous marriage), we didn't even get a congratulations, just a, "well this is a surprise."
This year, they actually forgot to invite us to Easter dinner (which the day and time always changes depending on when his sisters are available). I work nights all weekend long and they're having Easter an hour before I have to be at work. Glad I don't have to stay long! The only problem is that now it's causing problems in my marriage. Even though DH agrees with me 100% and constantly complains about her, if I agree or say that it bothers me then I'm the one to blame and the reason she acts this way.
All of these stories make mine seem so tame, so I don't even know if I should share anymore! I'm sorry that some of you ladies have to deal with these horrendous and manipulative women, I'm glad that I'm not in that boat at all.
The worst I have to deal with is a seriously overbearing MIL who can't help but to offer unsolicited advice constantly. Every time I see her she grills me about future plans, my job, what I'm going to do next, etc, which basically makes me feel like what I'm doing now isn't good enough for her. And now that I'm pregnant, it's constant advice about what I need to do for my maternity leave, what I need to do after, when I need to tell my boss, etc. It'd be great if I asked for some of this advice, but there are some things I'd like to figure out on my own, thanks very much! I am really hoping she doesn't come try to stay with us at all after baby is born.
My mom, on the other hand, is great. Not over bearing at all, she's involved but lets me do my own thing and is there for support whenever I need it. No complaints there!!
My MIL is a great lady. DH has his issues with her but I see how much she loves him and how she's tried to correct the mistakes she's made in the past. I've told him that I get his issues but that at least he has a caring, loving mother now that wants to make it right. My mom will shit on you and pretend you're clean while she judges you for stinking up the place.
Edit: grammar and choice of words, the more I wrote, the angrier I got, sorry!
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom I truly am sorry that you have to deal with this, she sounds very troubled and very difficult to deal with. I must say though, the imagery in this sentence was spot on, and you made me laugh a little despite how terrible it is!
my mom and MIL aren't that bad. They're genuinely good people with just a few incredibly annoying habits. Which is what I hope people choose to say about me, I guess.
My in-laws are so incredibly cheap. Like the stereotypical cheap Chinese old people. For some reason, my FIL has a Drs appt in Hong Kong in early September. He won't say why so I'm guessing it's his prostrate or something. He flies to HK on 31Aug. I'm 38 weeks on 23Aug which is the longest I've carried any of my other 3 pregnancies. I suggested they alter their plane tickets to fly out of Reagan or BWI (near us) instead of upstate NY where they live. And immediately - nope. Do you know how much it costs to change a plane ticket??!! I'm being chastised for even suggesting it. Seriously this would cost $40 - $200 depending on the airline and timing. im a little irked that this would come before baby.
The rest of their cheapo stories are just amusing like my MIL always takes a glass bottle with us to restaurants and fills it with "free refills" at the table. Like she pours her drink in to the glass bottle and puts it in her purse. "Better Value" is what she says. My husband is mortified by it but I just think it's funny.
Also any time I buy something, I have to say it was on sale, this makes me "Number One Daughter-in-Law". Otherwise I am "Foolish Girl". I do love a good deal! So usually it's the truth
My mom passed away 2 years ago but I know she would have been the best Grandmother to our little baby! As for my MIL, I cannot stand her sometimes. I made the mistake of loaning her a lot of money because they needed to pay their mortgage, and now I really regret it because she has not paid me back. She told me she would pay me back a week after I loaned it to her and it has been two months And it also does not help when my DH and his mom are super close. I feel like I can't say anything bad about her or vent to him about it. Also, I'm about to have a baby and am in school and working my butt off everyday while she just sits at home. It makes it worse that she blows all of their money and goes to the Casino all the time but still does not pay me back. UGH
Here's the thing about crazy MIL's (or mothers, though I would never lump my wonderful mother into the same category as my psychopath MIL)...I can handle her dramatics and her hypochondria and her complete lack of support for my marriage...But I cannot handle it when she hurts my kids. It's never intentional, but she is so selfish that she doesn't realize that she's doing it. For instance, she insists on getting her Christmas shopping done in August and she never, ever asks what our kids like or what they are interested in. She will, however, ask her oldest grandson, who is 13, what he wants....so he gets expensive electronics and other things that he likes. Finally, she also insists that her gifts be "Santa gifts." One year, when my son was 6, he opened up his gifts to find toddler toys. Said so right on the box and there was no mistaking that they were for ages 2-4. With each gift, you could tell that he was getting more and more deflated. Meanwhile, my son's 13 year old cousin opened Lego sets and electronics and things that he was excited about. After opening his 4 or 5 gifts, my son looked at me, confused, and said, "why did Santa bring me baby toys? was I not good this year?" I had to leave the room because I started to cry. I know they are gifts and I hate to sound ungrateful, but every parent wants their kids to have a magical Christmas and because we are always required to play by my MIL's rules, my little boy thought Santa was mad at him. I actually called my own mom from the bathroom of my MIL's house on Christmas morning so that I could vent. My mom HATES my MIL!
Oh man, I do not envy you ladies some of these stories are BSC!! @Ssoccerball that sounds devastating! Do you add extra gifts from Santa in there now?
My MIL is super sweet and although my mom can be a little crazy (she is diagnosed bipolar) she's gotten a lot better over the years.
Can I complain about my dad though? He left my mom when I was 1 and wasn't much support either. A short example is my mom being hospitalized for her condition when I was 4 - instead of having me live with him and his new (pregnant) wife, he placed me in foster care for 6 months. I spent my birthday and Christmas there and he didn't visit. Anyhow, our relationship somewhat improved as I grew up and when I told him I was moving to the States he acted devastated because of all the things he "would miss". Flash forward to my first pregnancy - he wrote me back maybe twice, didn't answer phone calls but acted excited he was having a grandchild and told me he'd fly over to help me after the birth for a few weeks. He also insisted we shouldn't call him after DS was born because " my (half) sister would see on Facebook anyway" (we waited an entire day to announce his birth). He then decided to unannounced bring my teenage brother with him as a present to my brother, and they spent their time eating all our food/ dirtying up my house. I had to tell them they were not welcome unless they got their vaccines before leaving - otherwise they wouldn't have gotten them. He never calls or ask about DS either and has seen him twice, yet tries to guilt trip me on the few occasions we speak because "it's just too hard to hear about DS/ watch videos/ pictures when he's so far away".
Here's my current bitch - he has not ONCE contacted me this pregnancy. I was able to catch him on the phone to tell him we were expecting, but that's it. I've since sent him ultrasound pictures and let him know what the sex was - and I can see he got my messages and read them. I'm pretty pissed at this point. DD is going to mean even less to him than DS apparently and I'm close to completely shutting him out unless he makes contact first. We're supposed to fly to Denmark this summer and see them. I'm thinking we might just visit my grandmother instead. Once we pick a name they can all find out on Facebook after she's born, since that's obviously their preference. Grrr...
@Ssoccerball I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this. I cried when I read it. I don't in anyway think it sounds ungrateful. No one wants to see their kid upset.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
@Ssoccerball I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this. I cried when I read it. I don't in anyway think it sounds ungrateful. No one wants to see their kid upset.
Thank you. It has taken many, many years, but DH and I have finally come to an understanding about his mother. I will relax and chill when she is just being her obnoxious self, but I am allowed to take preemptive measures where the kids are concerned. This Christmas, I picked out a few things That my kids wanted most and added them to the "Santa gifts." They were so excited about those gifts, that they overlooked the junk that my MIL gave them. It was age appropriate junk at least, but still junk. The irony of that whole deal is that my MIL inherited millions of dollars. She's just tacky and cheap.
@Ssoccerball I am so very sorry that you have to deal with this. I cried when I read it. I don't in anyway think it sounds ungrateful. No one wants to see their kid upset.
Thank you. It has taken many, many years, but DH and I have finally come to an understanding about his mother. I will relax and chill when she is just being her obnoxious self, but I am allowed to take preemptive measures where the kids are concerned. This Christmas, I picked out a few things That my kids wanted most and added them to the "Santa gifts." They were so excited about those gifts, that they overlooked the junk that my MIL gave them. It was age appropriate junk at least, but still junk. The irony of that whole deal is that my MIL inherited millions of dollars. She's just tacky and cheap.
@SsoccerballI will never understand the logic of favoring one child, grandchild, stepchild, etc over the others. How can you do this as a mother? I may be a FTM-to-be, but I have several nieces and nephews and can never imagine getting them different gifts that clearly state I prefer one over the other (which is of course not true). I mean they are children, not robots. As your son clearly illustrated, they know the difference and it hurts them too. Bravo to you for standing up for your children and for making 'Santa's Gifts' fun again.
@mom2adoodle email her back and say that you'll be happy to add that to the playlist for the little noodle, right between Five Finger Death Punch & Nightwish.
I'm so glad there is a place to vent on here. Honestly, reading all of your stories makes me realized that I'm not alone. My mother is wonderful. We bought a mother-daughter home about a month before I got pregnant and she's good about giving my husband and I our space (but still done all the dishes!). I'm so lucky I'll have her when the baby comes because she helps with everything and is still so greatful to be living with us.
My MIL, however, is a monster. My husband has resigned himself to the fact that his parents are terrible. Over the years, there have been too many incidences to relay, but here are a few highlights!.
1. For my bridal shower, she insisted on throwing on for me for my husband's extended family. I knew this was going to happen, but at the end of the shower she was NO WHERE to be found. My mother, husband, FIL, an aunt, and I ended up cleaning up all the food and doing all the dishes and putting away all the food.
2. For our wedding she offered to pay for a rehersal dinner, but then a month before said they didn't have the money (we were engaged for 18 months) so my husband and I had to scramble and pay for it. At the wedding, they didn't give us so much as a card. When my husband asked to have dinner with them the following weekend to confront them with how hurt he was, she posted on Facebook, "Having dinner with the Newlyweds!" after my husband spent half the meal in tears! Psycho!
3. Last year, my DH and I planned a relaxing cruise for the first month we were TTC which happened to overlap with my DH's birthday. My DH informed my MIL about 5 months before, no biggie. About two moths later we were at a family BBQ and his cousin asked if we were going to the Family Reunion....Umm, no, what family reunion? My DH's cousin seemed a little confused and said the one my MIL was planning. It was the first we ever heard of this family reunion. When I enquired about the date, it turns out it was the day of my husband's birthday. Odd. When I asked her when she got the invitation, she said the previous weekend. SO, knowing full well that her only child was going to be out of the country, my MIL planned a family reunion on her own son's birthday! When my husband nicely inquired about it, she said that she had forgotten it was his birthday. WTF.
So, we told the in-laws in January that I was pregnant. My husband is the only child and on my mother's side he's the oldest of his generation by about 15 years. They cried and congratulated us and went through all the motions. Since then, I haven't heard a pep from them. Nothing. When I text her a picture of the first sonogram (I've had three), she didn't even reply back. So, last weekend she sent my husband an email that she wanted to have a baby shower for me again for all their out-of-state extended family and gave us the date. However, I will be traveling for a conference that weekend and won't be able to be there. When my husband replied back that the date didn't work and that he'd have me look at my calendar, she gave a curt response and has never replied back to any other the other messages from my husband.
I will say that my relationship with my MIL has changed quite a bit since I had her first grandchild. We had to live with her for a few months after we got married and we all hated every second of it. She did stupid things like use the bread pans I bought to put paint in. And then she didn't even wash it out, so there was no way I could use it for bread. DH and I were the only ones we bought real food. All she'd buy was snacks and stuff for herself. So BIL, who was 18 and going to school, ate the food that we bought. She never bought food for him. I was horribly homesick and my mom sent me some of the sugar cookies she makes all the time for my birthday. I shared most of them and then put the last couple into the freezer to save for when I really really missed my mom. I put a note on them "Leah's Cookies. DO NOT EAT." And then one day when I was really really missing my mom I went to have a cookie but they were all gone. Somebody had eaten them and put the container back exactly where it was so that I wouldn't notice right away. I'm guessing it was MIL, because she never thinks about anybody but herself. One day she posted a big long rant on Facebook about how I was so ungrateful, and how as a "guest" in her home (we paid rent!) I should be kinder to her. It was the comments on the post that really hurt, because all of her close friends were saying things about me. These people didn't know me, but clearly they knew a lot about me. Obviously MIL had been telling anybody who would listen how horrible I was. And maybe I kind of was. I didn't want to be her best friend, I didn't want to hang out with her. I didn't want to meet all HER friends I just wanted to be with my husband. I was not okay with her coming into our bedroom whenever she wanted to chat with DH. She'd just walk right in. I hated it so much. Anyways, I let her know after that FB post that if she wanted to see her grandchild, EVER, she'd have to treat me nicely. DH had been there for all the shit they put me through and at that point he was on board with severing all ties. He told me later that the whole time we lived there she tried to talk him into getting a divorce. So now she's not so horrible to me. I don't know what she says about me behind my back, but she's always nice when she talks to me.
This weekend my MIL saw my stomach, squealed, "YOU'RE SHOWING!" then proceeded to coo at it and call it "my baby" (as in her baby). I kept my mouth shut because she was cooking cheeseburgers, but GOD that irritates me.
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
Here's the thing about crazy MIL's (or mothers, though I would never lump my wonderful mother into the same category as my psychopath MIL)...I can handle her dramatics and her hypochondria and her complete lack of support for my marriage...But I cannot handle it when she hurts my kids. It's never intentional, but she is so selfish that she doesn't realize that she's doing it. For instance, she insists on getting her Christmas shopping done in August and she never, ever asks what our kids like or what they are interested in. She will, however, ask her oldest grandson, who is 13, what he wants....so he gets expensive electronics and other things that he likes. Finally, she also insists that her gifts be "Santa gifts." One year, when my son was 6, he opened up his gifts to find toddler toys. Said so right on the box and there was no mistaking that they were for ages 2-4. With each gift, you could tell that he was getting more and more deflated. Meanwhile, my son's 13 year old cousin opened Lego sets and electronics and things that he was excited about. After opening his 4 or 5 gifts, my son looked at me, confused, and said, "why did Santa bring me baby toys? was I not good this year?" I had to leave the room because I started to cry. I know they are gifts and I hate to sound ungrateful, but every parent wants their kids to have a magical Christmas and because we are always required to play by my MIL's rules, my little boy thought Santa was mad at him. I actually called my own mom from the bathroom of my MIL's house on Christmas morning so that I could vent. My mom HATES my MIL!
That would break my heart and make me so mad. I'm so sorry.
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
Oh man, I do not envy you ladies some of these stories are BSC!! @Ssoccerball that sounds devastating! Do you add extra gifts from Santa in there now?
My MIL is super sweet and although my mom can be a little crazy (she is diagnosed bipolar) she's gotten a lot better over the years.
Can I complain about my dad though? He left my mom when I was 1 and wasn't much support either. A short example is my mom being hospitalized for her condition when I was 4 - instead of having me live with him and his new (pregnant) wife, he placed me in foster care for 6 months. I spent my birthday and Christmas there and he didn't visit. Anyhow, our relationship somewhat improved as I grew up and when I told him I was moving to the States he acted devastated because of all the things he "would miss". Flash forward to my first pregnancy - he wrote me back maybe twice, didn't answer phone calls but acted excited he was having a grandchild and told me he'd fly over to help me after the birth for a few weeks. He also insisted we shouldn't call him after DS was born because " my (half) sister would see on Facebook anyway" (we waited an entire day to announce his birth). He then decided to unannounced bring my teenage brother with him as a present to my brother, and they spent their time eating all our food/ dirtying up my house. I had to tell them they were not welcome unless they got their vaccines before leaving - otherwise they wouldn't have gotten them. He never calls or ask about DS either and has seen him twice, yet tries to guilt trip me on the few occasions we speak because "it's just too hard to hear about DS/ watch videos/ pictures when he's so far away".
Here's my current bitch - he has not ONCE contacted me this pregnancy. I was able to catch him on the phone to tell him we were expecting, but that's it. I've since sent him ultrasound pictures and let him know what the sex was - and I can see he got my messages and read them. I'm pretty pissed at this point. DD is going to mean even less to him than DS apparently and I'm close to completely shutting him out unless he makes contact first. We're supposed to fly to Denmark this summer and see them. I'm thinking we might just visit my grandmother instead. Once we pick a name they can all find out on Facebook after she's born, since that's obviously their preference. Grrr...
Edited because my phone...
Sounds like a super toxic relationship. Having a toxic parent is the worst. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all his irresponsibility and hurtfulness.
*************************************** FORMER USERNAME:@runningisrad
Ssoccerball ugh, that was hard to read. It's never ok with a grandparent visibly favors a grandchild but the thought that your son thought he did something wrong? Ugh.
runningisrad this weekend my MIL called it "our" baby a couple of times, and slipped in a "when we deliver". LOL. Can totally relate.
@runningisrad@nativetexan512 My MIL asked me the same thing last time we were on the phone- "how's my baby?" I was surprised at how much it bothered me and how territorial I felt.
My in laws are great but my parents are awful. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and we haven't talked In five years until he messaged me on fb and invited himself to the birth of our first child. He said he didnt want to hold it or see me, he just wanted to look through the glass, see it, and them drive home. He lives 8 hours away! I said no and he blocked me. My mom is a nice person but she's like a child. She just told me she got a dui. She also just married another alcoholic dick.I don't think I can trust her to be a huge part of my child's life and it makes me sad.
My in laws are great but my parents are awful. My dad was an abusive alcoholic and we haven't talked In five years until he messaged me on fb and invited himself to the birth of our first child. He said he didnt want to hold it or see me, he just wanted to look through the glass, see it, and them drive home. He lives 8 hours away! I said no and he blocked me. My mom is a nice person but she's like a child. She just told me she got a dui. She also just married another alcoholic dick.I don't think I can trust her to be a huge part of my child's life and it makes me sad.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, it's incredibly hard to know that your parents won't be playing as big of a role in your child's life as your child deserves. I'm so happy you have great in laws though, that makes a world of a difference!
a little background with my mil is that she has zero filter with what she's thinking. She asks me what's "going on with my hair", grumbles that I wear black too much and, the kicker, told me flat out that she will always like my SIL's kids (her daughter's kids) more than mine.
She and my FIL are going through a separation. My husband feels very uncomfortable with it, so we haven't been around a whole lot. Anyways, his mom was upset one day and called him and asked if she could visit. We felt bad for her, so let her in on our secret that we were expecting and that we weren't telling the rest of her family until Easter. Well, fast forward to yesterday, we had our youngest running around with her big sister shirt... And after about an hour of no one noticing, my MIL started looking at me and saying "I'm getting impatient!" I basically told her shh and leave it alone. Anyways, then she's like "no one is going to get it" and says "ugh, when are you going to tell the secret?!" My SIL at this point is like ?? What secret and it all comes out. I'm still so annoyed; this is our last baby and my last chance to have ANY kind of a surprise and she ruined it.
Tldr; my MIL is a jerk and I can't tell her ANYTHING. I also may have told her that I won't be telling her the sex of the baby now.
Wife to A; Mama to C (2009), N (2011), H (2014) & baby F due 09/16/16
My guilty pleasure is reading Horrible MIL threads - it makes me feel better about my life!
My relationship with MIL has actually improved lately, but she used to DESPISE me. She has major boundary issues with DH and always thought it would be just the two of them forever (DH is on the autism spectrum & didn't really date until we got together.) At my bridal shower, she announced: "anyone want to take bets on when these two will get divorced? I'm guessing two years!" At the wedding, she refused to button her shirt so her recently-ex husband "would see what he was missing", making her bra a featured part of our wedding photos.
Through the years she has secretly made copies of our house keys, randomly showed up at our house expecting to spend the night, told people DH's middle name was his first name because she didn't like his name (and when that didn't catch on, refused to use his name for two years and called him only 'Boogety' for some reason), refused to speak to us due to some minor infraction (one time we didn't have enough photos of her in our house), tried to crash the delivery room with both kids (thank God for amazing nurses!)... And so, so much more.
But, in the past two years DH & I have really worked on our boundaries with her. I still dread when she visits, but if she says something rude or inappropriate to my kids I'll call her on it. I think she's also realized that I'm here to stay and if she wants grandchild time she needs to at least treat me decently. I feel bad for my kids, because though she loves them (and DH) the best she knows how, MIL is no warm and caring grandma (and DH's dad has been more or less out of the picture since he was a baby)... But my parents are amazing, so at least they have that.
BFP #1: EDD 8/29/11, MMC 1/14/11. BFP #2: Damien Isaac born 12/16/11. BFP #3: Rowen Cole born 7/28/14. BFP #4: EDD 9/16/16.
Thankfully my MIL has been really awesome and laid back! My mom on the other hand is driving me nuts! We had a miscarriage back in Aug and I made the mistake of telling her right after I found out we were expecting... I told her she could tell 2 people and I told her who she could tell, thats it! Next thing I know im getting message from my step dads family is St. Louis telling me congrats! She never did even tell the 2 people who I told her to tell!! Long story short I did make her feel bad when we found out what had happened and had her call everyone that she told... Well now I am just shy of 14 weeks and we JUST told her on Thursday and she is already driving me crazy! She sends me random texts and asks who all I have told becauase she wants to be the one to share our news! On Easter she wouldn't leave me alone, kept asking me how Im feeling and kept touching me and it was all I could do to not go off on her while we were with family!!!
@AClymore85 I'm sorry you're going through that! My mom is also going crazy. This is her first grandchild, and she cannot keep a secret. We told her at 10 weeks while she and my dad were visiting with DH's parents because they live far away. She works at our church, and I told her she could tell the priest in confidentiality because I knew she'd have to tell someone. Fast forward to Easter Sunday- just shy of 14 weeks- I'm walking by the choir to get communion and two of them are whispering "congratulations!" at me. Then my mom comes running up to me just after the service to tell me that ~everyone~ in the choir was asking if I was pregnant so she just had to tell them. Which, first of all, I would think that a group of adults would know that question is always inappropriate; and second, she still didn't have to tell. DH thinks she'd already told and was trying to cover her tracks. I'm thinking he's right.
To start with my parents are the best, DH and I are actually building a house on land right next to them that they are giving us.
My MIL committed the ultimate faux pas when she told her sister about my pregnancy after we specifically told her to keep it a secret and we wanted to tell family members personally. We had planned to tell DH's aunt the next weekend because we adore her. Next thing I know she texts me to congratulate me. I knew who had told her, MIL never could keep a secret so I instantly regretted telling her anything. She texted me constantly for the next day saying how sorry she was and while I was initially mad, I got over it and just wanted the apologies to stop. This past weekend she tried acting like my BFF, asking all kinds of questions and whatnot. I can't stand talking to her because she's always got to interject with her numerous health problems and money issues.
This is my parents first grandchild while it's MIL's 5th so I've told DH that I intend to let my parents and sister enjoy their grandbaby/niece/nephew before we let MIL know. I know that sounds harsh but between her and my 3 SIL's and 3 young nephews, my hospital room would be a freaking circus.
Now I know that most have rants and crazy stories about their MILs but in my case the situation is quite the opposite. My in-laws are great...I absolutely LOVE my MIL!! She is so awesome and I have a great relationship with her. She lives in FL (we're in CA) but I can text her or call her anytime to talk. Of course, I love my mom more and she, too lives out of state (she's in HI) but she drives me crazy and pushes all my buttons...that's been the nature of our relationship since I was an adolescent. The big issue with her is that in her mind, I'm 16 years old not 34 going on 35 soon so she often talks to me like I'm a teenager who has no clue about anything. She constantly tries to give me pregnancy advice and it's stuff I already know...also, she questions a lot of the things I do on any given day like going to the gym and driving out to go shopping. I've been continuously working out even after I found out I was pregnant and every time I tell her that I'm on my way to or from the gym, she asks, "You're still going to the gym? Are you sure that's okay?" Or like yesterday, when I was out and about shopping, she said that I should be resting so the baby can rest...I just had to tell her that anything that I was doing was fine and that there wasn't anything she could tell me that I don't already know or couldn't find out because I have my doctors, apps on my phone, books, and Google. Hopefully, she'll relax a little.
Me: 34, Unexplained Infertility, Hypothyroidism (after being diagnosed with hyperthyroidism and radioactive iodine treatment; taking Levothyroxine for hypothryoidism) | DH: 33, no fertility problems
I used to complain about my MIL being too attached to DH... And then I had a son and my world changed and I can't imagine him ever leaving me. @mom2adoodle
Re: the MIL/Mother thread
I hope you find a way to meet her that works for you!
@leahknits back to Massachusetts? Ummmm, I think we do have the same MIL!!! Hahaha sometimes I feel like the third wheel around her and my husband. So awkward.
My MIL is great, and I have no real complaints. My own mother, on the other hand... She's very loving, and there was nothing bad about the way she raised me or our relationship while I was growing up. However, she's overbearing, a hypochondriac, and tells stories that never happened. For example, my whole life she has sworn up and down that she struggled to get pregnant for my little brother. Yet she miscarried another baby at 6 months (no one but her remembers this) and was pregnant for my brother for 11 months. Oh, and my brother and I are only 2 years, 2 months apart. So tell me how all (or any) of that makes sense? Also, the only pregnancy complications she ever had was toximia with my brother. Not saying that wasn't a serious issue, but her pregnancy with me was perfectly healthy. I had never heard anything but that until I had high blood pressure with my first. Then suddenly when she was pregnant with me, her blood pressure was 500/300 and her doctor refused to give her medicine for it. Not making that number up, it is what she said. For the record, she would have stroked out if it got even close to that number. Then when I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes... guess who else suddenly had also had it? Yeah, my dad had never ever heard of GD until I was pregnant. It's to the point that I always have to double check her stories with my dad first because I just can't trust her. I know I could have it so much worse and that's why I feel bad complaining, but all of it is just a lot to handle sometimes.
Edited for words.
And she has favorites. Our oldest daughter, the 4 year old, is her favorite. Sometimes it's very obvious. The 4 yr old's birthday is in July and MIL sent her $20 and a little painting that she'd painted. The 2 yr old's birthday is in August and she got $5 and a card. She's talked about coming here every July so that she never misses the 4 yr old's birthday. But we have 3 kids and that means she'd never be here for the other kid's birthdays.
My mom is my best friend. I love her so much!
First time mom to a human but have been a puppy mamma for over 12 years
mom2adoodle haha yes this is exactly what she does!!! One time she was in the middle of rearranging and I asked her to stop and she said "oh you can just put it back when I am gone..." WHAT?
I am thankful for my husband and father-in-law, they both are completely sane and quick to check her. Apparently after one episode of intense reorganizing and cleaning my house, my FIL told her they weren't coming back for a while, not until she could control herself and act like a normal guest. The weird thing is she thinks she is being helpful by doing all this. Oy.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
Sounds like a greek mother!! I work closely with an older greek woman with three kids (kids are 21-27 years old). She doesn't have any grandkids yet but it is crazy how much she micro manages their lives. Pays for pretty much everything. Her son is the youngest (he is 21) he was sick recently and she told me she rubbed vicks on his chest for him (!!!) She told me the other day she cut her son's steak bc he is bad with a knife.
I will say that all of her children are very successful and 2 of them will be doctors... but still
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
This year, they actually forgot to invite us to Easter dinner (which the day and time always changes depending on when his sisters are available). I work nights all weekend long and they're having Easter an hour before I have to be at work. Glad I don't have to stay long! The only problem is that now it's causing problems in my marriage. Even though DH agrees with me 100% and constantly complains about her, if I agree or say that it bothers me then I'm the one to blame and the reason she acts this way.
The worst I have to deal with is a seriously overbearing MIL who can't help but to offer unsolicited advice constantly. Every time I see her she grills me about future plans, my job, what I'm going to do next, etc, which basically makes me feel like what I'm doing now isn't good enough for her. And now that I'm pregnant, it's constant advice about what I need to do for my maternity leave, what I need to do after, when I need to tell my boss, etc. It'd be great if I asked for some of this advice, but there are some things I'd like to figure out on my own, thanks very much! I am really hoping she doesn't come try to stay with us at all after baby is born.
My mom, on the other hand, is great. Not over bearing at all, she's involved but lets me do my own thing and is there for support whenever I need it. No complaints there!!
@AlwaysAuntNeverMom I truly am sorry that you have to deal with this, she sounds very troubled and very difficult to deal with. I must say though, the imagery in this sentence was spot on, and you made me laugh a little despite how terrible it is!
My in-laws are so incredibly cheap. Like the stereotypical cheap Chinese old people. For some reason, my FIL has a Drs appt in Hong Kong in early September. He won't say why so I'm guessing it's his prostrate or something. He flies to HK on 31Aug. I'm 38 weeks on 23Aug which is the longest I've carried any of my other 3 pregnancies. I suggested they alter their plane tickets to fly out of Reagan or BWI (near us) instead of upstate NY where they live. And immediately - nope. Do you know how much it costs to change a plane ticket??!! I'm being chastised for even suggesting it. Seriously this would cost $40 - $200 depending on the airline and timing. im a little irked that this would come before baby.
The rest of their cheapo stories are just amusing like my MIL always takes a glass bottle with us to restaurants and fills it with "free refills" at the table. Like she pours her drink in to the glass bottle and puts it in her purse. "Better Value" is what she says. My husband is mortified by it but I just think it's funny.
Also any time I buy something, I have to say it was on sale, this makes me "Number One Daughter-in-Law". Otherwise I am "Foolish Girl". I do love a good deal! So usually it's the truth
As for my MIL, I cannot stand her sometimes. I made the mistake of loaning her a lot of money because they needed to pay their mortgage, and now I really regret it because she has not paid me back. She told me she would pay me back a week after I loaned it to her and it has been two months
And it also does not help when my DH and his mom are super close. I feel like I can't say anything bad about her or vent to him about it.
Also, I'm about to have a baby and am in school and working my butt off everyday while she just sits at home.
It makes it worse that she blows all of their money and goes to the Casino all the time but still does not pay me back. UGH
My MIL is super sweet and although my mom can be a little crazy (she is diagnosed bipolar) she's gotten a lot better over the years.
Can I complain about my dad though? He left my mom when I was 1 and wasn't much support either. A short example is my mom being hospitalized for her condition when I was 4 - instead of having me live with him and his new (pregnant) wife, he placed me in foster care for 6 months. I spent my birthday and Christmas there and he didn't visit. Anyhow, our relationship somewhat improved as I grew up and when I told him I was moving to the States he acted devastated because of all the things he "would miss".
Flash forward to my first pregnancy - he wrote me back maybe twice, didn't answer phone calls but acted excited he was having a grandchild and told me he'd fly over to help me after the birth for a few weeks. He also insisted we shouldn't call him after DS was born because " my (half) sister would see on Facebook anyway" (we waited an entire day to announce his birth). He then decided to unannounced bring my teenage brother with him as a present to my brother, and they spent their time eating all our food/ dirtying up my house. I had to tell them they were not welcome unless they got their vaccines before leaving - otherwise they wouldn't have gotten them. He never calls or ask about DS either and has seen him twice, yet tries to guilt trip me on the few occasions we speak because "it's just too hard to hear about DS/ watch videos/ pictures when he's so far away".
Here's my current bitch - he has not ONCE contacted me this pregnancy. I was able to catch him on the phone to tell him we were expecting, but that's it. I've since sent him ultrasound pictures and let him know what the sex was - and I can see he got my messages and read them. I'm pretty pissed at this point. DD is going to mean even less to him than DS apparently and I'm close to completely shutting him out unless he makes contact first. We're supposed to fly to Denmark this summer and see them. I'm thinking we might just visit my grandmother instead. Once we pick a name they can all find out on Facebook after she's born, since that's obviously their preference. Grrr...
Edited because my phone...
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
"Please play the second movement of Mozart's 21st piano concerto to Linguini."
She calls our baby linguini.
That's it. Nothing else. Copied and pasted to here. I don't even know if I should respond.
My MIL, however, is a monster. My husband has resigned himself to the fact that his parents are terrible. Over the years, there have been too many incidences to relay, but here are a few highlights!.
1. For my bridal shower, she insisted on throwing on for me for my husband's extended family. I knew this was going to happen, but at the end of the shower she was NO WHERE to be found. My mother, husband, FIL, an aunt, and I ended up cleaning up all the food and doing all the dishes and putting away all the food.
2. For our wedding she offered to pay for a rehersal dinner, but then a month before said they didn't have the money (we were engaged for 18 months) so my husband and I had to scramble and pay for it. At the wedding, they didn't give us so much as a card. When my husband asked to have dinner with them the following weekend to confront them with how hurt he was, she posted on Facebook, "Having dinner with the Newlyweds!" after my husband spent half the meal in tears! Psycho!
3. Last year, my DH and I planned a relaxing cruise for the first month we were TTC which happened to overlap with my DH's birthday. My DH informed my MIL about 5 months before, no biggie. About two moths later we were at a family BBQ and his cousin asked if we were going to the Family Reunion....Umm, no, what family reunion? My DH's cousin seemed a little confused and said the one my MIL was planning. It was the first we ever heard of this family reunion. When I enquired about the date, it turns out it was the day of my husband's birthday. Odd. When I asked her when she got the invitation, she said the previous weekend. SO, knowing full well that her only child was going to be out of the country, my MIL planned a family reunion on her own son's birthday! When my husband nicely inquired about it, she said that she had forgotten it was his birthday. WTF.
So, we told the in-laws in January that I was pregnant. My husband is the only child and on my mother's side he's the oldest of his generation by about 15 years. They cried and congratulated us and went through all the motions. Since then, I haven't heard a pep from them. Nothing. When I text her a picture of the first sonogram (I've had three), she didn't even reply back. So, last weekend she sent my husband an email that she wanted to have a baby shower for me again for all their out-of-state extended family and gave us the date. However, I will be traveling for a conference that weekend and won't be able to be there. When my husband replied back that the date didn't work and that he'd have me look at my calendar, she gave a curt response and has never replied back to any other the other messages from my husband.
UG.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
That would break my heart and make me so mad. I'm so sorry.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
Sounds like a super toxic relationship. Having a toxic parent is the worst. I'm so sorry you've had to deal with all his irresponsibility and hurtfulness.
FORMER USERNAME: @runningisrad
Ssoccerball ugh, that was hard to read. It's never ok with a grandparent visibly favors a grandchild but the thought that your son thought he did something wrong? Ugh.
runningisrad this weekend my MIL called it "our" baby a couple of times, and slipped in a "when we deliver". LOL. Can totally relate.
My mom is a nice person but she's like a child. She just told me she got a dui. She also just married another alcoholic dick.I don't think I can trust her to be a huge part of my child's life and it makes me sad.
a little background with my mil is that she has zero filter with what she's thinking. She asks me what's "going on with my hair", grumbles that I wear black too much and, the kicker, told me flat out that she will always like my SIL's kids (her daughter's kids) more than mine.
She and my FIL are going through a separation. My husband feels very uncomfortable with it, so we haven't been around a whole lot. Anyways, his mom was upset one day and called him and asked if she could visit. We felt bad for her, so let her in on our secret that we were expecting and that we weren't telling the rest of her family until Easter. Well, fast forward to yesterday, we had our youngest running around with her big sister shirt... And after about an hour of no one noticing, my MIL started looking at me and saying "I'm getting impatient!" I basically told her shh and leave it alone. Anyways, then she's like "no one is going to get it" and says "ugh, when are you going to tell the secret?!" My SIL at this point is like ?? What secret and it all comes out. I'm still so annoyed; this is our last baby and my last chance to have ANY kind of a surprise and she ruined it.
Tldr; my MIL is a jerk and I can't tell her ANYTHING. I also may have told her that I won't be telling her the sex of the baby now.
My relationship with MIL has actually improved lately, but she used to DESPISE me. She has major boundary issues with DH and always thought it would be just the two of them forever (DH is on the autism spectrum & didn't really date until we got together.) At my bridal shower, she announced: "anyone want to take bets on when these two will get divorced? I'm guessing two years!" At the wedding, she refused to button her shirt so her recently-ex husband "would see what he was missing", making her bra a featured part of our wedding photos.
Through the years she has secretly made copies of our house keys, randomly showed up at our house expecting to spend the night, told people DH's middle name was his first name because she didn't like his name (and when that didn't catch on, refused to use his name for two years and called him only 'Boogety' for some reason), refused to speak to us due to some minor infraction (one time we didn't have enough photos of her in our house), tried to crash the delivery room with both kids (thank God for amazing nurses!)... And so, so much more.
But, in the past two years DH & I have really worked on our boundaries with her. I still dread when she visits, but if she says something rude or inappropriate to my kids I'll call her on it. I think she's also realized that I'm here to stay and if she wants grandchild time she needs to at least treat me decently. I feel bad for my kids, because though she loves them (and DH) the best she knows how, MIL is no warm and caring grandma (and DH's dad has been more or less out of the picture since he was a baby)... But my parents are amazing, so at least they have that.
My MIL committed the ultimate faux pas when she told her sister about my pregnancy after we specifically told her to keep it a secret and we wanted to tell family members personally. We had planned to tell DH's aunt the next weekend because we adore her. Next thing I know she texts me to congratulate me. I knew who had told her, MIL never could keep a secret so I instantly regretted telling her anything. She texted me constantly for the next day saying how sorry she was and while I was initially mad, I got over it and just wanted the apologies to stop. This past weekend she tried acting like my BFF, asking all kinds of questions and whatnot. I can't stand talking to her because she's always got to interject with her numerous health problems and money issues.
This is my parents first grandchild while it's MIL's 5th so I've told DH that I intend to let my parents and sister enjoy their grandbaby/niece/nephew before we let MIL know. I know that sounds harsh but between her and my 3 SIL's and 3 young nephews, my hospital room would be a freaking circus.
● IUI #5: BFP! 12/29/15, 11dpiui
1/1/2016 Beta #1 HCG: 58 Progesterone: 49.5
1/3/2016 Beta #2 HCG:154 Progesterone: 55.9
1/20/16 Ultrasound #1 6w3d, HB: 114 bpm
1/29/16 Ultrasound #2 8w0d, HB: 171 bpm