Definitely not as often, but typically 1-2x a week. There are dry spells here and there, but H has no problems taking care of himself (and does so, frequently) so I don't feel bad-it actually kind of annoys me.
We've done it recently-ish (within the last month, but it's getting hard to remember), but DH made it very clear to me afterward that he felt kind of awkward about it. He's a pretty thin person, and I was before too. This pregnancy has hit me squarely in the stomach, so I basically look the same but with a basketball on my front. It causes a lot of him or I trying to roll around the little man or smooshing my stomach into his to get to him. We both find it a little unnerving that the part of us that gets the most contact is actually the baby. I've been in the mood since then several times and tried to subtly convince him that he could just ignore it... no luck so far. We'll see if we get back to it at all in the next 12 weeks
Me: 32 DH: 31 *The old lady by 5 whole weeks* Married: 11/2013 M: 6/2016 E: 5/2018
It's been getting to me really badly. He always seems to have a reason why we shouldn't do it. We actually had sex Saturday night for the first time since New years, but I'm so self conscious now because I'm convinced he doesn't want me anymore that I didn't enjoy it. Not to mention that since it's so rare now, when it does happen it doesn't last very long. I've kind of stopped even mentioning it because when I do and I'm turned down, it just tears apart my self esteem. It sucks, but I don't really know what to do about it.
I'm so sorry you're still struggling with this! I think the perception of rejection really is the hardest part. It's hard not to question everything and try to own the problem by blaming yourself for the partner backing away. And the reverse is also true for them.
I will say that DH and I had a very calm and frank discussion about it that helped with the emotional impacts of a disparate drives (this might actually work for couples regardless of who is feeling high/low drive).
When I make comments on his looks or approach for sexual contact, he thinks I want the full deal and won't be happy with less which makes him tense thinking about the effort and how he's not sure he's up for it and his concerns and discomfort (sex is uncomfortable for him Bc he's so worried about squishing my belly). The reverse is also true in that he's hesitant to approach me with sexual contact or compliments Bc he's afraid I'll interpret that as an invitation and he'll be 'on the hook' for follow through.
For me- it was really important that he understand that the sexual contact and intimacy is what I needed, not necessarily the sex itself. Wanting sex without fulfillment I can manage, wanting to feel wanted without fulfillment hurts. In order to feel validated and connected, I need the touches, looks, and comments. By separating the issues- sex v. sexual communication, it became less of a blame game and more about meeting needs without creating anxiety.*
*note- this did not increase the frequency, but did alleviate the guilt and concern both sides were feeling about it and gave us positive actions we could each take that increased our comfort levels.
I think you're absolutely right about the "not needing the whole package" (no pun intended). I just miss feeling intimate with my husband, plus I now feel hesitant to even ask for a kiss or to cuddle on the couch. We've had several discussions on the topic and they always end in a heartfelt apology for making me feel so badly, along with the promise to try harder to make time for affection, but it's not really changing. Maybe I will try to bring it up a different way. I really appreciate the support
@BakerBird525- spooning is comfy, and not much work, but also kinda boring.
Spooning is literally the only way that I'm comfortable. I generally prefer to be on top but that literally lasts for about 3 minutes and I feel like I've died. Kinda kills the mood when I'm wheezing and trying to catch my breath hahah.
I am not super interested. I feel bad so I try for once a week. We were about 3x a week people prior to pregnancy. After last time I had some spotting. I have not had any spotting or bleeding at all during my pregnancy so we were completely freaked out. Not sure how much we will be being intimate now. I am going to talk it over with my Dr at my next visit.
I delivered our first baby in june 2015. And I will be having baby #2 this June. And I must say that I was much more sexually active during the first pregnancy. I wanted it more and I think he did too. We still have sex at least once per week but it feels like more of a job than pleasure. And although he would never tell me that he doesn't enjoy it, sometimes I feel like it was not enjoyable for him. That is a horrible feeling and it's something I cannot stand as a woman.
You left off "sex life is way better than pre-pregnancy"
I have been breastfeeding for almost 2 years and the estrogen suppression that comes with that totally killed my sex drive. Pregnancy finally fixed that (at the expense of my milk supply, unfortunately) and I have been trying to make the most of it because I'm nervous that I'll completely lose my mojo again post-partum.
@BakerBird525- spooning is comfy, and not much work, but also kinda boring.
Spooning is literally the only way that I'm comfortable. I generally prefer to be on top but that literally lasts for about 3 minutes and I feel like I've died. Kinda kills the mood when I'm wheezing and trying to catch my breath hahah.
Being on top is the most comfortable for me at this point so that's what we do 90% of the time... but yeah - sometimes it feels like I ran a marathon afterwards haha
It's been getting to me really badly. He always seems to have a reason why we shouldn't do it. We actually had sex Saturday night for the first time since New years, but I'm so self conscious now because I'm convinced he doesn't want me anymore that I didn't enjoy it. Not to mention that since it's so rare now, when it does happen it doesn't last very long. I've kind of stopped even mentioning it because when I do and I'm turned down, it just tears apart my self esteem. It sucks, but I don't really know what to do about it.
I'm so sorry you're still struggling with this! I think the perception of rejection really is the hardest part. It's hard not to question everything and try to own the problem by blaming yourself for the partner backing away. And the reverse is also true for them.
I will say that DH and I had a very calm and frank discussion about it that helped with the emotional impacts of a disparate drives (this might actually work for couples regardless of who is feeling high/low drive).
When I make comments on his looks or approach for sexual contact, he thinks I want the full deal and won't be happy with less which makes him tense thinking about the effort and how he's not sure he's up for it and his concerns and discomfort (sex is uncomfortable for him Bc he's so worried about squishing my belly). The reverse is also true in that he's hesitant to approach me with sexual contact or compliments Bc he's afraid I'll interpret that as an invitation and he'll be 'on the hook' for follow through.
For me- it was really important that he understand that the sexual contact and intimacy is what I needed, not necessarily the sex itself. Wanting sex without fulfillment I can manage, wanting to feel wanted without fulfillment hurts. In order to feel validated and connected, I need the touches, looks, and comments. By separating the issues- sex v. sexual communication, it became less of a blame game and more about meeting needs without creating anxiety.*
*note- this did not increase the frequency, but did alleviate the guilt and concern both sides were feeling about it and gave us positive actions we could each take that increased our comfort levels.
@HBamama2B@edeibel89 try reading the sex starved housewife. I've only just started it, but it seems good. My H just had no drive which kinda sucks because, honestly, our sex life, in the beginning, is what made me initially fall for him
@HBamama2B@edeibel89 try reading the sex starved housewife. I've only just started it, but it seems good. My H just had no drive which kinda sucks because, honestly, our sex life, in the beginning, is what made me initially fall for him
Well, my my. I just googled this title figuring an Amazon book listing would pop up. Nope. Don't google this at work ladies.
Ours is about the same, or would be if I didn't have the cerclage. He can feel it sometimes and we learned the hard way (no pun intended) that is leaves the equivalent of a mild carpet burn of it rubs him...oops
@HBamama2B@edeibel89 try reading the sex starved housewife. I've only just started it, but it seems good. My H just had no drive which kinda sucks because, honestly, our sex life, in the beginning, is what made me initially fall for him
Well, my my. I just googled this title figuring an Amazon book listing would pop up. Nope. Don't google this at work ladies.
I feel like an asshole after reading this thread... My drive has been ridiculously high despite being exhausted. The only time I was completely turned off was when I was super sick and even then, we made exceptions sometimes lol (Tmi I'm so sorry). Usually he's too tired now but we still manage and I would almost say, save for the feeling like a whale thing, it almost feels 10x more amazing than pre-baby.
@HBamama2B@edeibel89 try reading the sex starved housewife. I've only just started it, but it seems good. My H just had no drive which kinda sucks because, honestly, our sex life, in the beginning, is what made me initially fall for him
Well, my my. I just googled this title figuring an Amazon book listing would pop up. Nope. Don't google
Ha! It's sex starved wife! I realized it after I posted, but didn't think of what would come up when googled!
We avg 4-6 days a week. My husband says I am a sex addict right now lol. I didn't vote because there wasn't options for more then before! Lol We always had a active sex life but two years of calender banging left us killing the fun of it...we were only having sex when we had too... Like 5-6 times a mt. We had stopped trying and we went through a dry spell of like 1-2 times a mt for two mts... ended up knocked up during that dry spell! And the libido came back with a vengence.
Wow I feel awful. We have been married nearly 11 years and are expecting our first child. We were only once a week but more often once every other week pre-pregnancy (before TTC), and I think it's only been four times the whole pregnancy. I just don't need it. DH has been really great about it and we still have a very happy marriage. I can't even imagine you guys going 4-6 times a week. Sounds painful to me. I just don't enjoy it. Maybe there is something wrong with me
Wow I feel awful. We have been married nearly 11 years and are expecting our first child. We were only once a week but more often once every other week pre-pregnancy (before TTC), and I think it's only been four times the whole pregnancy. I just don't need it. DH has been really great about it and we still have a very happy marriage. I can't even imagine you guys going 4-6 times a week. Sounds painful to me. I just don't enjoy it. Maybe there is something wrong with me
We have been together 9 years... Married 7, I have noticed with us the more we do it the more we (especially me lol) wants it lol but the reverse is true too when we were trying for two years and two years when we were trying for our first (he is 4yr old) it became a "chore" and we almost forced ourselves to do it at times. i get pretty grumpy if its been more then a few days
@HBamama2B@edeibel89 try reading the sex starved housewife. I've only just started it, but it seems good. My H just had no drive which kinda sucks because, honestly, our sex life, in the beginning, is what made me initially fall for him
Well, my my. I just googled this title figuring an Amazon book listing would pop up. Nope. Don't google
Ha! It's sex starved wife! I realized it after I posted, but didn't think of what would come up when googled!
Stupid box
Am I the only one who laughed at the author's name?
@StayingFocused if there's something wrong with you I think there's something wrong with a lot of us. And I don't think that's true. I'm glad your husband is great about it. I've been with mine almost 14 years and he's supportive too. I also can't imagine 4-6 times a week right now. It's uncomfortable for me right now in so many ways.
Wow I feel awful. We have been married nearly 11 years and are expecting our first child. We were only once a week but more often once every other week pre-pregnancy (before TTC), and I think it's only been four times the whole pregnancy. I just don't need it. DH has been really great about it and we still have a very happy marriage. I can't even imagine you guys going 4-6 times a week. Sounds painful to me. I just don't enjoy it. Maybe there is something wrong with me
There's nothing wrong with you! People are just different.
My my husband and I are also once every week / fortnight people and are also very happy, and it has also been much less since I got pregnant. We both have busy lives, and we'll talk about trying more often, but then life happens and time passes. Neither of us minds, we enjoy each other very much when we do get together, but I can't imagine how people manage to have sex every day!
I think people are all just very different in their needs and relationships.
I do do feel a bit sad about people in this thread who have said they're doing it even though they don't want to because they feel bad for their husband. When I think about what a lot of us are dealing with and will put up with and go through to have a baby, including our bodies never being the same, risking pain and actual injury birthing the baby, not to mention all the morning sickness/swollen ankles/pelvic pain/reflux etc. It's saddens me that if the only thing men have to deal with to get that baby is not having sex as often as they'd like, they cant be expected to deal with it as an adult without complaint. And instead many people still seem to be made to feel that it's such a terrible burden for them that we should add to our job having sex even if we don't want to, to prevent them from having to deal with anything. Our society has a long way to go if this is still the message we're getting.
Wow... My H and I are in the every day sometimes twice camp... And its not just a pregnancy thing. This is like a all the time thing... TMI I know and I'm sorry. LOL
Wow, good for you. We haven't been like that since about 6 months after we started dating!
We've only been married almost seven months (april 10th) and been together for about nine months.
Up until about 3 weeks ago it was the same as pre pregnancy. Once I hit 7 months, my sex drive, desire, strength and ability just died. I feel so bad for my guy.
Wow... My H and I are in the every day sometimes twice camp... And its not just a pregnancy thing. This is like a all the time thing... TMI I know and I'm sorry. LOL
Wow, good for you. We haven't been like that since about 6 months after we started dating!
We've only been married almost seven months (april 10th) and been together for about nine months.
That makes me feel better DH and I have been together about 5 years now.
We've been together 19 years since HS and normal for us is a few times/wk but it's tapered down to 1-2/wk more so for other reasons (moving, illness) than the pregnancy. I need it to feel loved. More than a week and I get depressed.
It's terrible. I am down for it all the time. but he just doesn't want it, he is afraid he will hurt the baby or something. But as I am getting closer to due date and humungous I'm getting more and more okay with it. I'm just real upset that after I have her all that recovery time will keep it from happening. I don't know if I can wait that long!
We've been together 19 years since HS and normal for us is a few times/wk but it's tapered down to 1-2/wk more so for other reasons (moving, illness) than the pregnancy. I need it to feel loved. More than a week and I get depressed.
I feel exactly the same. The physical intimacy is essential in enhancing the emotional kind.
I totally feel like an outcast. Obviously I'm not pregnant but just as a normal thing we don't do it very often. Well, now that we aren't "actively trying." I'm talking like maybe 3-5 times a year. We are pathetic!
TTC #1 Since May 2011 ~ Everyone Welcome
Me (34): DOR d/t chemo/radiation, Immature Endometrial Lining, Hypothyroidism
DH (35): MFI d/t testicular torsion and removal, Low T, Oligospermia, Anti-Sperm Antibodies, Currently on T supplements Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!! March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16 July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?! 7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291 7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac 7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
We try to maintain at least once a week, but there have been times it's a couple of weeks before we have sex. It's important to us to not force it as well, thus the dry spells every now and then. I never want it to feel like a chore and he doesn't want us to do it out of obligation either. I'll give him props though, he never utters a peep or complains, which I really appreciate. He said that I know how my body's doing from day-to-day and what I'm up for better than he does, so he takes his cues from me. We've had discussions about it though and he does have a little trouble in the bedroom because of my big belly. It's not that he doesn't find me beautiful and desirable but I think the idea of our kid being in my belly and us having sex gets in his brain and hinders performance. I've found that wearing a satin, cute slip helps a lot!
I totally feel like an outcast. Obviously I'm not pregnant but just as a normal thing we don't do it very often. Well, now that we aren't "actively trying." I'm talking like maybe 3-5 times a year. We are pathetic!
We were in a similar boat prior to pregnancy. There were times where we would go months without sex. Not because we didn't want to, but because life: we work different schedules, I have two jobs one which requires me going to work at 3:30am so I'm sleeping before he gets home, my mom AND my grandpa live in our house, and my hubby and I sleep in separate bedrooms due to his snoring and my work schedule. My newly married friends can't wrap their head around separate bedrooms -- they ask my husband "are you ok with this?" And he looks at me and says "it's what she wants and she's the boss so I don't have a choice". Haha. But since being pregnant I feel like we have more sex. Hubby isn't complaining. Lol.
Yep. I try and have sex somewhat regularly and he's too tired. I'm tired too, but my body is way more responsive while pregnant, apparently. When I had MS, the only thing that made it stop was the exact time we were doing it. But still once a week (or longer, if we are too busy on the weekend), sadly, which was our usual.
My husband doesn't ask for it.. We've both been exhausted lately dealing with work and a testing patience 2 1/2 year old. But I'm so swollen in the lady bits area.. that its really mainly for him. Besides this morning, I honestly can't say when the last time was..
Guess in in the opposite position than most i woukd be happy to do it every night but my SO is always so tired and thinks hes going to hurt me or LO so we do it about once avery week or two and it suckss cause my sex drive is basically out of control and im 32 weeks!
My drive is WAY up. I think it must be due to increased blood flow in that area. Having said that, we do it about the same number of times per week. It's just that I'm not being "nice" and doing it for his sake some of those times. Instead, I really want it as much as he does... Maybe more.
@jennk0118 yes to this exactly!! He doesn't ask, I don't initiate, and I think we've only had sex three times this whole pregnancy. We've talked about it, and we're both wiped. Our 2.5 year old is exhausting (adorable, but exhausting), and between working full time and doing our house renovation by ourselves, we both have other things we'd rather do when we have a minute to breath.
Re: How's it going under the sheets?
Triplets due 6/29/16 also from an IUI!
Married: 11/2013
M: 6/2016 E: 5/2018
Poor him. Poor me.
Really just hoping I don't tear this time so that there's hope for a non-painful sex life sometime in the next year...
I have been breastfeeding for almost 2 years and the estrogen suppression that comes with that totally killed my sex drive. Pregnancy finally fixed that (at the expense of my milk supply, unfortunately) and I have been trying to make the most of it because I'm nervous that I'll completely lose my mojo again post-partum.
>My my husband and I are also once every week / fortnight people and are also very happy, and it has also been much less since I got pregnant. We both have busy lives, and we'll talk about trying more often, but then life happens and time passes. Neither of us minds, we enjoy each other very much when we do get together, but I can't imagine how people manage to have sex every day!
I think people are all just very different in their needs and relationships.
I do do feel a bit sad about people in this thread who have said they're doing it even though they don't want to because they feel bad for their husband. When I think about what a lot of us are dealing with and will put up with and go through to have a baby, including our bodies never being the same, risking pain and actual injury birthing the baby, not to mention all the morning sickness/swollen ankles/pelvic pain/reflux etc. It's saddens me that if the only thing men have to deal with to get that baby is not having sex as often as they'd like, they cant be expected to deal with it as an adult without complaint. And instead many people still seem to be made to feel that it's such a terrible burden for them that we should add to our job having sex even if we don't want to, to prevent them from having to deal with anything. Our society has a long way to go if this is still the message we're getting.
Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
Sept '11-April '13 ~ Testing, failed multiple MFI treatments, saving & TONS of praying
January 2014 ~ IVF/ICSI & PGS ~ no response to stims ~ converted to IUI ~ BFN
February 2014 ~ On to donor embyros ~ 5 blasts!!!
March 2014 ~ FET #1 ~ Transferred 2 blasts ~ BFN
July 2014 ~ Kliman's mock cycle with endometrial function test
Sample too small for EFT, HE slide showed immature cells
New protocol planned, saving for another biopsy for EFT
January 2015 ~ Considering adoption options
April 2015 ~ Privately arranged adoption of planned pregnancy
DD#1 ~ Lillyana Violet Marie born 6/15/16, Finalized adoption 12/20/16
July 13, 2018 ~ BFP....WTF?!?!
7/16 Beta #1 ~ 466...7/18 Beta #2 ~ 1,077...7/23 Beta #3 ~ 5,291
7/23 US #1 ~ 1 gestational sac seen and yolk sac
7/30 US #2 and 1st OB appt ~ 1 perfectly round gestational sac, 1 perfect yolk sac and 1 teeny tiny heart beat seen!!!
Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.
DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!
Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!