UO Thursday 3/17

m6agua · March 2016

Share those unpopular opinions!

ETA gif

m6agua · March 2016

Ok I guess I'll start. I don't really have too many UO so I will use my husbands. He hates the movie The Goonies. I think he is crazy, I love it!

DunkinDecaf · March 2016

I'm with your husband. I'm not a fan of the Goonies. Probably because my husband used to think doing the truffle shuffle was hilarious in high school. That got old fast.

My UO is that I hate swimming in the ocean. It makes me sticky. I still like going to be beach, but I only swim in pools. I do go in the ocean if there are waves to play in, but there rarely are at the beaches we go to.

rspalding001 · March 2016

Ahhhhhhh! I love Goonies! Ha ha ha, no offense taken

I don't like swimming in the ocean however, I always feel dirty after, plus where I live the ocean is freezing so no fun being wet and cold and salty

my UO is that I think it's just fine to eat in front of the TV. I even let my DD do it. She is a finicky eater in general and when she is watching tv I can sneak a few extra bites in her mouth before she completely rejects it. When we eat at the table I'm lucky if she has 5 bites before running off to play.

whaat · March 2016

Ok here goes.. UO: we need to chill on the trigger warnings and TMI warnings. This is a pregnancy board and we're all in our first trimester. Loss will be mentioned. Gross things will be mentioned. If you've spent any time in similar forums, you should be quite familiar with the fact that these are very popular topics.
i think that a goal here should be making these things less taboo. This only happens if we are open about them and we don't act like it will ruin everyone's day if we talk about them. (They're not even taboo here though)

whaat · March 2016

To elaborate: if the title of your post is "heavy bleeding" or "loss" or "I'm out" and we can't figure out the content, that's on us, not you.

16isourluckynumber · March 2016

@whaat, I agree. It's gotten a little excessive since the last time I came around in 2012/2013 (and before than in 2010).

ETA: I don't mean to be insensitive at all. I have several close friends who have suffered truly devastating losses, and am very sensitive to their feelings. I just don't think we should have to say "TW" on a regular birth month board every time we are about to express any concern or refer to having had a previous loss or something.

16isourluckynumber · March 2016

Here's another UO: I dislike bowling as a social activity. You're sitting with your friends chatting, the conversation has to get interrupted every couple of minutes when it's someone's turn, everyone watches you try to bowl, and then after you've thrown the ball you have to turn around and have some sort of entertaining reaction to whatever gutter ball you've just thrown. My office just had a bowling outing last week and it was not my favorite.

Ash9614 · March 2016

whaat said:

Ok here goes.. UO: we need to chill on the trigger warnings and TMI warnings. This is a pregnancy board and we're all in our first trimester. Loss will be mentioned. Gross things will be mentioned. If you've spent any time in similar forums, you should be quite familiar with the fact that these are very popular topics.
i think that a goal here should be making these things less taboo. This only happens if we are open about them and we don't act like it will ruin everyone's day if we talk about them. (They're not even taboo here though)

I may disagree slightly. I've been avoiding the MC threads. I just can't take reading them. I do agree that if the title says "I'm out" then That's warning enough, but if it's generic, I appreciate the warning

aquasocks · March 2016

UO: I will be having another C Section (first was unplanned though) and I'm happy about it. I was bummed about my first one and it did me no good. I couldn't change it. So this time around I'm looking at all the positives of cesareans and I refuse to feel guilty or disappointed.

talkthewholetime · March 2016

UO: I don't like the loss fear mongering that goes on in the first tri on BMBs. If someone wants to take comfort in statistics, or avoid reading about miscarriage, I don't think it's anyone's civic duty to tell them to "put on their big girl pants". People deal with stressful situations and fear in different ways and no one is right or wrong.

ETA : If your kid was afraid of big storms, you would tell them that although scary things can happen, they're more likely to be fine than be hurt. You wouldn't start telling them all about houses that were crushed by trees and people struck by lightening. Yes, we're adults. No, you're not their parent. But it just comes across as unnecessarily piling on to someone's already valid fear.

whaat · March 2016

@talkthewholetime I agree about the fear mongering. I mean, statistics are on our side, really. If everything was really as bad as these boards would have you believe, there would be much less of us walking around. I guess my point was, since there's already so much fear mongering, let's not add to it with a TW on a post that mentions being worried about cramps.
On the other hand I know why this is the case. We are less likely to talk about things that are "normal" because there's really no story there. That's why these boards (and I mean all pregnancy boards) are filled with scary stuff.

talkthewholetime · March 2016

whaat said:

@talkthewholetime I agree about the fear mongering. I mean, statistics are on our side, really. If everything was really as bad as these boards would have you believe, there would be much less of us walking around. I guess my point was, since there's already so much fear mongering, let's not add to it with a TW on a post that mentions being worried about cramps.
On the other hand I know why this is the case. We are less likely to talk about things that are "normal" because there's really no story there. That's why these boards (and I mean all pregnancy boards) are filled with scary stuff.

I always tell friends who are new to pregnancy boards that the people who generally post aren't an average sample of women around the world. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who have joined internet communities because they have a painful past. It definitely skews the numbers/what you see inside a group. There is definitely a higher % of loss, high risk, etc on TB than there would be in your OB's waiting room.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

talkthewholetime said:

whaat said:

@talkthewholetime I agree about the fear mongering. I mean, statistics are on our side, really. If everything was really as bad as these boards would have you believe, there would be much less of us walking around. I guess my point was, since there's already so much fear mongering, let's not add to it with a TW on a post that mentions being worried about cramps.
On the other hand I know why this is the case. We are less likely to talk about things that are "normal" because there's really no story there. That's why these boards (and I mean all pregnancy boards) are filled with scary stuff.

I always tell friends who are new to pregnancy boards that the people who generally post aren't an average sample of women around the world. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who have joined internet communities because they have a painful past. It definitely skews the numbers/what you see inside a group. There is definitely a higher % of loss, high risk, etc on TB than there would be in your OB's waiting room.

I think it mostly seems higher because loss is such a taboo topic in real life. Nobody other than my husband and my doctor know about my loss. None of our friends know, not even our close ones. Nobody talks about it, so of course the statistic seems lower in real life. It doesn't mean those people don't exist.

If you want to go with statistics, about 20%-25% of pregnancies end in loss (pretty common stat - on Mayo Clinic, l believe). Yet, 20% of the women I know who have kids or have been trying have not come forward to say they've had a loss. People just don't talk about it. But these boards provide a place for those of us who've had a loss to talk openly about our experiences - we shouldn't have to stop talking about it because some people want to continue believing loss is less common than it is.

Despite my dislike of those particular stats, you're right that the majority of people on this board will have perfectly happy and healthy pregnancies. But that doesn't mean those of who've had a loss shouldn't share our experiences either.

talkthewholetime · March 2016

No one would ever ask you to not share that experience

m6agua · March 2016

@whaat I agree that there are too many trigger warnings. Like if you are just mentioning that you had a loss or mc I feel that doesn't need one. If you go into more detail then I think it does.

On the MC Statistics topic. I have been purposely trying to avoid that thread and then it showed up in 2 unexpected places. Not happy. For me, with my last pregnancy I felt comfort in those stats, but then had a loss at 11 weeks, which was missed. So basically the whole time I thought I was getting into better stats, I really wasn't, I had already lost the baby and didn't even know. They gave me a false sense of hope and did not depict reality.

That being said, in my high school AP Stats class the first thing my teacher said was "statistics are crap...unless you know how they gathered the sample". Since my loss I have learned this to be true. I went public with my loss and have found a ton of people around me that have had losses. In my and DHs closest group of friends 3 out of 4 of us have had losses. I believe those MC statistics are inaccurate because many people don't talk about it or tell anyone. Also if you were to add all of the chemical pregnancies that happen without the woman ever knowing, those numbers would be much higher.

hellopartyof5 · March 2016

talkthewholetime said:

No one would ever ask you to not share that experience

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

Fruit milkshakes are vile.

m6agua · March 2016

nauticallife said:

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

I have been on this board since July 2015 and in my experience TB is known for not being all rainbows and unicorn farts. It is known for being realistic yet hopeful. So in my opinion it is the time and place to mention possible realities.

ETA

comealongponds · March 2016

m6agua said:

nauticallife said:

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

I have been on this board since July 2015 and in my experience TB is known for not being all rainbows and unicorn farts. It is known for being realistic yet hopeful. So in my opinion it is the time and place to mention possible realities.

ETA

See, this is my stance. Saying "there's a time and place" rubs me the wrong way. I'm not in the business of giving false hope, especially knowing how crushing it can be to think everything's going to be fine cause shitty stats (spacefem.com is not medically backed, well researched data and it is the original source for these "stats") are on my side. I like to think every one of us who has commented or talked about our loss, even in places some may not consider "appropriate" was tactful and hopeful without offering empty promises. I feel like most bumpies pride themselves on their reliance on science, reality and data - not (as @m6agua said) on rainbows and unicorn farts.

hellopartyof5 · March 2016

m6agua said:

nauticallife said:

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

I have been on this board since July 2015 and in my experience TB is known for not being all rainbows and unicorn farts. It is known for being realistic yet hopeful. So in my opinion it is the time and place to mention possible realities.

ETA

I don't consider the miscarriage percentage rates rainbows and unicorn farts. This isn't like someone asking you to guess the sex of their ultrasound. I've been on TB since March of 2014 and was very active on my bmb, so I know how this works. Thanks tho.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

nauticallife said:

talkthewholetime said:

No one would ever ask you to not share that experience

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

If you go back to that thread from yesterday, the OP asked for other tips and tricks to deal with anxiety. It was a thread titled "fear of miscarriage". How is that not the right time or place? My experience with loss is relevant there. If I had waltzed in and just said "those stats are crap" and left, then sure, that's not helpful. But all the posts I read from the other loss moms explained our history, why we don't find those stats comforting, and then explained what we DO focus on to combat anxiety. It's relevant, even if you're not comfortable with it.

hellopartyof5 · March 2016

RiverSong15 said:

nauticallife said:

talkthewholetime said:

No one would ever ask you to not share that experience

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

If you go back to that thread from yesterday, the OP asked for other tips and tricks to deal with anxiety. It was a thread titled "fear of miscarriage". How is that not the right time or place? My experience with loss is relevant there. If I had waltzed in and just said "those stats are crap" and left, then sure, that's not helpful. But all the posts I read from the other loss moms explained our history, why we don't find those stats comforting, and then explained what we DO focus on to combat anxiety. It's relevant, even if you're not comfortable with it.

I guess I'll just have to disagree with you on how helpful that is. Tricks on how to combat the anxiety? Yes. Personal history on what went wrong? no. I'm kind of been there done that, so it doesnt affect me as much. But with my first pregnancy? I was already so friggin nervous, there were miscarriage posts happening every day. So no, I would not have found your post helpful.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

Here's the thing though. I don't think it's out of the realm of believability that all statistics, of any kind, in any place, need to be taken with a grain of salt. I would hope this is a universal truth. If a statistic is a couple percentage points either way, to what degree are we going to give accountability to it? Does it really matter if there is such a minute difference? 84% or 87% isn't going to sway someone.

TB isn't a controlled experiment. Life isn't a controlled experiment. TB is probably one of the best places on the internet where M/C education is a side effect of being a member. Pointing a finger at another member for giving credence to a stat and feeling better about it doesn't seem productive to me.

mrsjlang · March 2016

UO: I have an incredible amount of dislike for shamrock shakes at McDonald's. It makes me not get the chocolate ones the entire time because they taste like shamrock too.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

comealongponds said:

See, this is my stance. Saying "there's a time and place" rubs me the wrong way. I'm not in the business of giving false hope, especially knowing how crushing it can be to think everything's going to be fine cause shitty stats (spacefem.com is not medically backed, well researched data and it is the original source for these "stats") are on my side. I like to think every one of us who has commented or talked about our loss, even in places some may not consider "appropriate" was tactful and hopeful without offering empty promises. I feel like most bumpies pride themselves on their reliance on science, reality and data - not (as @m6agua said) on rainbows and unicorn farts.

Exactly. The stats that get thrown around are NOT accurate. I've seen a heartbeat at 6 weeks. My risk of another loss HAS gone down, but not to 2% or 5% or whatever number someone has pulled off a random blog. My risk has gone down from about 80% because of my history to around 20%. That's based on scientific data and my particular situation. We all have different histories, risk factors, and prognoses, so blanket statistics, fluffy and heartwarming as they may be to some women, just aren't reality.

LikeICantEven · March 2016

On a side note, I just wanted to tell everyone how delighted I am that we can discuss things like this without getting nasty. I know it's a tradition on TB to bring the dramedy, but it's one that always pissed me off, seemed useless. Internet fighting is so AOL 2.0 dude.

I want to hear other's perspective, otherwise WTF am I doing here.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

aquasocks said:

UO: I will be having another C Section (first was unplanned though) and I'm happy about it. I was bummed about my first one and it did me no good. I couldn't change it. So this time around I'm looking at all the positives of cesareans and I refuse to feel guilty or disappointed.

I'm requesting a caesarean this time despite two prior vaginal births. I had placental issues with both deliveries and have a very high risk of that happening again, possibly worse. I probably could have another vaginal birth if I wanted to, with appropriate risk mitigating factors in place, but frankly I'd rather avoid the hassle and uncertainty and risk and just have a c/s. Plus being able to schedule it is a considerable perk, especially since we have no family or close friends here and must make arrangements for our kids, but not my primary motivating factor.

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or preferring surgical delivery.

Ash9614 · March 2016

Let me say that I cannot imagine the pain of experiencing a loss and I hope and pray that all of us take home happy and healthy babies in November. I think moms who have experienced losses should absolutely share their stories, but I do think it can be gloomy to share them in the same thread where others are looking for comfort. Yes, the bump is straight-forward and science-based, but it's also where we come for support. I think we all have a healthy fear of loss and know it's a possibility in every pregnancy. But, if another mom finds comfort in the stats - why take that peace of mind from her? It doesn't help her find the peace she's seeking now and it likely won't give her solace if she does experience a loss - she'll still be devastated.

talkthewholetime · March 2016

nauticallife said:

m6agua said:

nauticallife said:

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

I have been on this board since July 2015 and in my experience TB is known for not being all rainbows and unicorn farts. It is known for being realistic yet hopeful. So in my opinion it is the time and place to mention possible realities.

ETA

I don't consider the miscarriage percentage rates rainbows and unicorn farts. This isn't like someone asking you to guess the sex of their ultrasound. I've been on TB since March of 2014 and was very active on my bmb, so I know how this works. Thanks tho.

Being on the bump for 8 months does not an expert make, although that's neither here nor there.

m6agua · March 2016

@talkthewholetime & @nauticallife I know 8 months isn't long but I guess what I was getting at is that I have been on much more than just BMB's. I have been on TTGP, TTCAL, MC/PL, BMBs, and lurked many of the others. I have been an active member the whole time and in general the majority of TB (not just one BMB) is more about science and reality and is not like babycenter and others.

I do like how this discussion seems to be going well. I like that we are all adults about it and can agree to disagree and hear out others point of views.

banfrog · March 2016

I love mustard. I love it on everything you'd put ketchup on. I totally dip my fries in mustard.

XmomX · March 2016

I don't mind people sharing their loss experiences but I agree that that particular post was not the right place to do so. The OP was asking for ways to combat anxiety and I was generally interested in reading helpful responses. While I am so sorry for anyone that has ever experienced a loss I didn't find multiple post about losses (in that particular thread) to be helpful.

whaat · March 2016

Hey all, for clarification, when I mentioned stats, I didn't mean those miscarriage stats, just like, the concept of statistics in general. And the concept of probability. I hope you know what I mean. Nobody is asking people not to share their experiences either. (Not sure who that was directed at but) I was pretty clear about how we should normalize it even more. I also kind of wish we could normalize easy pregnancies and positive outcomes a little more, too. There is a range of experiences and we never know what we're going to get, but sometimes I think the general public (especially people who are new to boards like these) can have a skewed perception of their risks. Talking to a friend IRL who is new to preg/conception boards, she said "damn, it's like 60% of pregnancies are ectopic!"
Sorry this is rambling. Idk what my original point was bc I'm on the app and if I scroll up I don't even know what will happen.

whaat · March 2016

Haha I made no sense. All my original post was about was that we don't need a TW on a post that only says "my boobs don't hurt anymore and I'm worried because I had a miscarriage last year."

aquasocks · March 2016

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt said:

aquasocks said:

UO: I will be having another C Section (first was unplanned though) and I'm happy about it. I was bummed about my first one and it did me no good. I couldn't change it. So this time around I'm looking at all the positives of cesareans and I refuse to feel guilty or disappointed.

I'm requesting a caesarean this time despite two prior vaginal births. I had placental issues with both deliveries and have a very high risk of that happening again, possibly worse. I probably could have another vaginal birth if I wanted to, with appropriate risk mitigating factors in place, but frankly I'd rather avoid the hassle and uncertainty and risk and just have a c/s. Plus being able to schedule it is a considerable perk, especially since we have no family or close friends here and must make arrangements for our kids, but not my primary motivating factor.

Absolutely nothing wrong with wanting or preferring surgical delivery.

Exactly. I feel that in general (this board is more understanding and accepting) it's a UO to be excited about a scheduled c section. I get reactions like "I'm so sorry." "Have you tried essential oils?" and "I have a friend who has a cousin who was told she needed a c section but had a home birth!!" Yada yada yada.

aquasocks · March 2016

Oh I have another one. I think essential oils are a crock of poo.

GreenEyedUnicorn · March 2016

I don't believe in God. That's my UO. I know most people do, and at one point I did. But for several years now I've been an agnostic/atheist. And proud of it. I've lost friends because of it, which is perfectly fine with me. I post atheist posts on FB and people bitch, but I'm not apologetic about it. What really religious people don't understand is, as much as my atheist posts offend them, the "I'll pray for you; God works in mysterious ways; that's gods will" stuff offends me.

Im not posting this to start a debate in any way. However, if anyone would like to discuss it further, I'm fine with that too.

comealongponds · March 2016

aquasocks said:

Oh I have another one. I think essential oils are a crock of poo.

I just think the smell purdy...I don't think they actually do anything!

carlatron · March 2016

talkthewholetime said:

nauticallife said:

m6agua said:

nauticallife said:

Agreed. I just think when people are looking for some sort of comfort, coming in talking about how you cant trust the statistics and what happened to you is not the time nor the place. The topic of miscarriage is all over our board and shared very openly. Like I said, time and place.

I have been on this board since July 2015 and in my experience TB is known for not being all rainbows and unicorn farts. It is known for being realistic yet hopeful. So in my opinion it is the time and place to mention possible realities.

ETA

I don't consider the miscarriage percentage rates rainbows and unicorn farts. This isn't like someone asking you to guess the sex of their ultrasound. I've been on TB since March of 2014 and was very active on my bmb, so I know how this works. Thanks tho.

Being on the bump for 8 months does not an expert make, although that's neither here nor there.

I've been on the bump for over 10 years. I think I'm the resident expert here. *strokes long white beard*

In other news... Has anyone grown a long white beard this pregnancy?

rspalding001 · March 2016

@GreenEyedUnicorn Im agnostic but my MIL is a born again christian. When I was having my trouble last year and going through my MC's she told me that I should pray to God for help and that it worked for one of her friends who was having trouble TTC. I wanted to be all like NO praying is not going to help me get pregnant. Good nutrition and knowing when I ovulate and science might help but dont sit there and tell me praying will help or that its all part of Gods plan. Like He/She is seriously up there planning for me to miscarry. That kind of stuff rubs me the wrong way. Thankfully it was through an email so she didnt have to witness my eyeroll.

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