PGAL (Pregnant After Loss) Starter Thread

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

I suppose we'll eventually have weekly threads for this, but I figured I'd get this off the ground since we do have a lot of post-loss mums on here and we do tend to benefit from some support from those who have been there before.

So, how about you start by telling us your story, if you are comfortable sharing. How're you feeling about this pregnancy so far?

kns1988 · March 2016

Thanks for starting, @KilgraveMadeMeDoIt! I read your story on an intro post and I'm sorry you've gone through so many losses. You must be a hell of a strong woman.

I've only had one loss - in October 2015 at 9ish weeks. I had an early ultrasound at what should have been 6 weeks because they were worried about some pain that I was having. That ultrasound showed a sac measuring 5w4d and no fetal development. There was absolutely a chance that it was just too early and the dates were wrong, so they had me come back in about 3 weeks later for another ultrasound. It was honestly the longest and most agonizing wait of my life. When I went back in, there was still no development. I naturally miscarried a few days later. I don't like to tell people the sac was empty because I feel like it lessens the loss - almost like I was never really pregnant. I know that I was, though.

All in all, we've been actively trying to get pregnant since April 2015. I took the miscarriage really hard, but I finally felt ready to try again in January. I was still pretty terrified seeing that positive, but I'm actually having less anxiety this time around. I know that there's nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage, so there's no point in stressing out about it. It also just feels good to be pregnant again because if we do lose it, we're one step closer to our decision to adopt. My husband is adopted, and we will definitely go that route if we struggle with infertility. We'll probably go that route eventually regardless of whether or not we have biological children.

I feel like I'm rambling at this point... tl;dr I'm nervous, I'm excited, I'm very hopeful that this pregnancy will stick, and I'll be okay if it doesn't. Best wishes to all of you!

UTAmbs11 · March 2016

I had a BFP same time last year, with an early Nov 15 due date. 6 wks in I started having some bleeding, so I went in for an apt same day. After hours of tests that came back with positives, I went for a US and it showed no development.

2 weeks later my SIL announced she was due mid Oct. I was so happy for them and I love my niece, but I wish she had a cousin only a month younger.

I've been really optimistic this time, it just feels right. It's just a bit scary that the time frame is the exact same as last year.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

One loss or a dozen losses, it never gets easier and no woman should have to go through it. I'm so sorry that you guys know what it feels like, but I do really hope you'll be able to see your current pregnancies through to a happy, healthy baby at the end.

I'm also nervous and a touch excited. I think I'm forcing myself into being a little more negative about it than I might otherwise be, but the fact that I have untreated Asherman's puts my risk of another loss somewhere around 40-80% so I feel rather like I'm waiting for the axe to fall. It's almost like if I get too happy about it that I'm tempting fate, you know?

@kns1988 Not so much strong as stubborn. I have dealt with chronic illness my whole life so I'm just used to refusing to let my biology control my life. I've managed to beat my body into submission long enough to get two kids out of it, I'm not letting it win this time. When it comes to losses like yours, I hate it when people say things like you weren't "really pregnant"; of course you were! You had hCG in your system and you didn't have an hCG-secreting tumour. By definition, you were pregnant.

@UTAmbs11 My very close friend found out she was pregnant the same day I had my last loss. She was due two weeks after me and her baby is now six months old. It's a really unique pain to have someone so close to you be pregnant at the same time you should have been and I'm so sorry you went through that, though I'm happy to hear that you have a lovely niece.

RiverSong15 · March 2016

Thanks for starting this thread @kilgravemademedoit! I'm so sorry for your losses.

@kns1988 and @utambs11, I'm sorry for your losses, but congrats on being here again!

As for me, this is my second pregnancy. I miscarried my first at 7 weeks the day after Christmas (happy freakin holidays). I started spotting in the morning and had completely miscarried within 12 hours. We never even made it to our first appointment, so we don't know when growth actually stopped.

I never had many symptoms last time, so I am anxiously hoping for morning sickness... Which is a weird headspace to be in. Like @kns1988, I'm actually a little calmer this time around. I worried all the time last pregnancy, and it still didn't prevent a MC. I know there's not a damn thing I can do now either way, so why worry? I also think I have the mindset that I'm going to MC again, and it's just a matter of when. It's partly to protect myself, I think, but also partly that we didn't do anything different this time, so how can I expect a different outcome? Not logical, I know, but PGAL brain never is...

comealongponds · March 2016

Hi all, I'm so sorry we all have to be here but I look forward to the support we'll hopefully be able to give each other over what I'd like to be an uneventful nine months!

We found out in November we were pregnant with our first, and we had kind of a rough go of it from the start. I had some bleeding at 4w5d, which resulted in an ultrasound at 5w showing a gestational sac and the beginnings of a yolk sac so we went on our merry way assuming everything would be okay. I had some further bleeding at 5w5d-ish, went for another ultrasound and saw my little bean with a nice little heartbeat. At 6w5d I started bleeding pretty consistently and began having contractions intermittently, the loss was complete at 7w.

Losing our our baby was probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through, I don't know if I've ever cried more in my life. DH and I were both on board to start trying again right away and at the one year mark of our TTC journey (almost to the day) we found out we were expecting again!

Like @RiverSong15 I find myself *wanting* to have symptoms, I guess to reassure myself that things are progressing as they should. I'm doing my best to stay healthy and stay calm, since I know stressing won't solve anything and will make for a long nine months!

EmmieAnn22 · March 2016

This may get a little long and rambling so you have been warned.

Thank you so much for starting this thread! what I've found after my loss is what an amazing strength and support my fellow women are to me. And I hope I can be a source or strength and encouragement to all of you as we embark on this journey.

So my story... For four years my husband and I tried for a baby. We were coming to terms with maybe this wasn't our path to children and had agreed when I hit 30 we would start exploring our options. Not even four weeks after my birthday I got my BFP! I was in shock. I carried out son for 37 weeks. My best friend was in town helping me wash all the baby clothes and put them away and get organized and as we were doing laundry it hit me I hadn't felt him moving yet that morning. My husband and I headed to the hospital and got the devastating news his heart had stopped. I was induced and 36 hours later I had my amazing little son in my arms. My time with him was short but I loved every moment of it!

Afterwards my husband couldn't wait to start trying again but we had to wait 4 cycles and I was happy to wait. I was convinced conceiving again was going to be difficult again if not impossible. But in February we decided to try again and we did the ovulation kits and the BBT. I started to get discouraged when I wasnt getting a smiley face or a temp spike. On top of that my husband got a horrible cold and wasn't feeling in the mood...(tmi). I chalked this cycle up to a missed opportunity and headed to Florida for a trip with a friend. A couple days into it I ovulated so I was certain that pregnancy wasn't happening this month. Imagine my shock when that digital test said positive! As I say to my husband, if I can be on the bad side of astronomical odds why can't I be on the good side?

So now I'm 5 weeks pregnant and feeling amazing. I've had my moments of sobbing and I've taken a million pregnancy tests to reassure myself. It can be hard but I always search for the positive. And today I am pregnant and I'm going to love every moment being pregnant with this baby.

sorry if that was crazy long or just too much overshare.

Im so happy for all us ladies!

LadyPaige · March 2016

Hi Ladies!

I am sorry for your losses and I am hoping that this time around we all get healthy babies!

We had a loss last fall. Our ultrasound at 6wk4ds showed everything was healthy and we had a good, strong heartbeat. At our next appointment (11wk1d) we couldn't find a heartbeat and found out baby had stopped developing somewhere around 8 weeks. I had a D&C December 1st.

We just found out last week that we are pregnant again -- I am currently 3 weeks 6 days. I am feeling good about this pregnancy so far. I've my "freak out" moments, but I am trying to stay positive and be as excited about this baby as I was the one we lost.

I am taking progesterone this time around. We aren't sure if my levels are low, but I have a short luteal phase -- that combined with the miscarriage had my doctor recommend we give it a shot. I am hoping it helps and we have a healthy baby in November!

Megz1902 · March 2016

I am so sorry for everyone's losses.

I had an early mc/chemical pregnancy at the end of January and am surprised/excited/nervous to be here.

I have a good feeling about this one though. After starting medication for my low thyroid on January 1, my TSH is now below 2. It was not below 2 for the pregnancy in January, which may just be coincidence.

My betas were 109 yesterday and they want to have them redone in a week to see how things are going. Crossing my fingers for an ultrasound by the end of the month.

When I get worried, I tell myself "This baby is strong. This baby will make it" and repeat until I feel ok.

My husband and my mom are the only people who know. We told all our parents and siblings last time and within a week we were telling them there was no more baby. I'm trying to hold out telling them about this baby until we have an ultrasound.

FX for all of us.

doraleigh35 · March 2016

Thank you for starting this and thank you to all of you ladies for sharing your stories. It is comforting knowing that there are other women on here with similar experiences. I am sorry for all of your losses.

We started TTC in February 2012. We got a BFP that first month of trying. I had a faint line on a couple of FRERs and a few days later it ended with a CP. I got pregnant again right away. Everything seemed fine until we went in for our first ultrasound. They told us there was no heartbeat and based on the shape of the sac I would most likely miscarry soon and to basically go home and wait. I had a natural miscarriage at 8w4d, the day after our ultrasound. It was awful, it is so physically and emotionally draining. I was definitely traumatized from the experience. It took about a month for my levels and everything to go back to normal. DH and I decided to take a 6 month break from TTC which turned into 3 years of us focusing on our careers. A decision that I am so happy we made.

We started TTC this past Spring and it took us 8 cycles for a BFP. I am incredibly hopeful that this time around we will have a healthy pregnancy. I wake up every morning thankful to be pregnant and just try to stay positive!

Pompomlove · March 2016

Hi everyone! irstly, so sorry for your losses. It's gut renching.

Not sure if I'm ready for this but since you've all been so brave!!

I got my faint BFP today! Yay... I think!

I was part of June 16 until a MMC due to PMP discovered at 12W4D. It was very sad but I recovered slowly but well. After being benched for over 3 months, we got the all clear to TTC 3 days before O and feel blessed that we appear to have had success this cycle.

I'm 32 and have been very anxious to start our family since H and I were married 3.5 years ago. H wasn't ready until last year and the MC did freak him out a bit... Nearly couldn't get him on board to start this cycle.

Anyway, I've been lurking and participating here and there and have found TB such a big help to maintain hope.

I hope to stay in Novmber 16 with all my heart.

We are due 11/11... I'm one of these people that love to see 11/11 on the clock and was once told it's the Angels telling us they're with us. It's also SIL birthday.

Thanks and best of health and happiness to all of us!!

mrsmoose5 · March 2016

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses.

This might sound really ignorant and stupid to say (and it is, really), but I honestly thought losing a baby would never happen to me. We got pregnant with DS easily and I had an easy, healthy pregnancy with him. In August 2015, my SIL announced she was pregnant with her third, and a few weeks later I got a BFP too. I would have been part of June 16 and was really excited my SIL and I would be having babies only 2 months apart. We even took pictures at the pumpkin patch posing with mini pumpkins over our tummies

It just never even occurred to me that I would miscarry. However, at 8 weeks, about a week before my first appointment, I started spotting. When I went to the dr, the ultrasound showed baby only measuring about 6 weeks and with no heartbeat. I chose to MC naturally and was so devastated.

I had a lot of guilt because even though I was excited about being pregnant again, DS was only 8 months old at the time and I was worried/stressed about having 2 so close together. It was also a little bit of a hard time financially for DH and I. So I felt kind of stressed about the pregnancy, even though it was very much wanted. I just felt guilty, like maybe it happened because I wasn't excited enough or baby thought I didn't want him/her. I know that's not true and it's totally ridiculous, but that's how I felt.

Now I am really excited to be pregnant again, but I also feel kind of numb and hesitant. I haven't even made an appointment yet, and I find myself just kind of hesitant to start daydreaming about nurseries, etc. It could also be because I attended my SILs baby shower this weekend, and that is a constant reminder of our loss.

Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble. I don't ever talk to anyone about it, so I'm really thankful for this board. It feels good to talk about it.

hellopartyof5 · March 2016

I'm so sorry for all of your losses!

DS was actually a twin. We found out at 6 weeks that we had 2 sacs. One had a strong heartbeat and the other had nothing. It was still early so we came back a week after, but found the same thing. By 12 weeks the other sac had been reabsorbed. The feelings I had and have were really mixed. The fact that I still had one baby left softened the blow I think, but I was still kind of strange about it. Like I said, it was very mixed emotions. I've gotten a lot more comfortable talking about it, and I think that helps.

H&H 9 mos to us all!

UTAmbs11 · March 2016

@KilgraveMadeMeDoIt thank you for sharing your strength with all of us starting the post.

To all the amazing ladies that have shared, remember that you have a support on the good days and bad. We're here for each other and there are amazing people in your lives that also care greatly. Keep positive and keep the stress levels down.

FX for us all!

Jolenef07 · March 2016

I'm very grateful to everyone who shared their story here. We had a loss somewhere around week 7 ( my first IUI) in December after we saw the heartbeat at week 6. Had to have a D&C on 12/23. It was devestating, but I've tried to adopt the motto "Fall down 7 times, get up 8." Happy and hopeful to be at 4w4d (2nd IUI) and trying to stay positive. Some days are easier than others.

CRJones1978 · March 2016

So today I got my positive OPK! I previously had 2 miscarriages - both last year. I am nervous as hell but hopeful this time we get our rainbow baby.

mamahazey · March 2016

Thankful to have this support system...

DH and I have been married for about 2 and a half years now. We started TTC about a year ago. I have PCOS so my dr started me on Clomid. In May I got my BFP... We went for our appointment at 8 weeks 3 days and everything was fine... Strong heartbeat and all. We started telling people but then when I went in for my ultrasound at 11 weeks I found out the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks 5 days. I had a d and c at the end of July. We have been trying again since November. In December my dr put me on provera to induce my period and then Clomid. After that cycle my blood pressure was SUPER high so we had to take a break from Clomid... And not expecting it at all, we got pregnant! I had an appointment yesterday and did a beta and I'll have to do a repeat tomorrow. I'm a little nervous for those results... She also put me on progesterone and scheduled an ultrasound for the 16th.

Praying we all have a happy and healthy 9 months!

Jolenef07 · March 2016

Congrats and sending happy thoughts your way!

alanaw121 · March 2016

Congrats to everyone on being here again and praying that everyone has a healthy sticky baby this time.

DH has DNA fragmentation so I've had 11 mcs in the past 3 years. Luckily we did get a sticky one in the middle there and DS is now 1.5 years old. We started trying again back in October and I miscarried at 3-4 weeks. Then get pregnant again in December and lost that one two days after bfp. I've been getting regular hcg levels and everything looks really good so far so the doctor thinks this one will stick. I go for an ultrasound on Monday because my levels have been rising so rapidly that she think by some miracle it might be twins! I'm not even sure how I feel about that but we are praying for a happy healthy, hopefully pink baby.

i have an older son from before DH so a really need another girl in our house.

honeybeewebb2424 · March 2016

I've been straying away from this thread and finally decided to click on it today because today is a good day so far. Now that I am in tears, I'm so sorry for everyone's losses and hope and pray that we stay together through November. It is so comforting yet unnerving to know there are so many to relate to.

If you couldn't tell already, I'm a talker, so sorry in advance for the ramble!

DH and I have been together for 8 years. For the last two years we were NTNP not charting or anything and said "if it happens, it happens". Well, low and behold roughly 3 months before our wedding we were pregnant. We had no idea at the time that miscarriages were even really possible so it never even crossed our mind as a possibility. I really hate that it is taboo to talk about for this reason. Our first appointment was just a few weeks before the wedding and there was no heartbeat. Those words still ring in my head and I'm terrified to ever hear them again. I was in such shock I literally couldn't move my body. It was like in the movies when the whole world stops yet spins incredibly fast around you and you watch from the outside. We cried in the Drs room for nearly two hours before coming back to reality. I had a follow up appointment a week later to verify because I couldn't bring myself to terms. I miscarried naturally the next day. It was the most traumatizing time in my life. Things have gotten a little easier because we try to talk about it out loud rather than hide it away. I try my hardest to remain positive about everything and I believe it brought us even closer and opened our eyes about the world a little. Our goal was to be pregnant again by the end of March (our due date was the 26th) even though we know it can take a very long time to get pregnant. We just felt it would make getting through that date easier.

I then found out that I had developed gallstones from the pregnancy and was having attacks. Last Friday I had surgery to remove it. The whole process was just a terrible reminder. Again, you can call me crazy, but I swear it was intuition or just plain mother nature that I KNEW I was pregnant. Last time before we tested I had the same unexplainable feeling as this time. Before the surgery we tested at home and got negative and the hospital tested my tiny amount of diluted pee the morning of surgery and that was negative. After being nearly a week late and having telltale symptoms I decided to test again on Friday and got a BFP. It is almost too good to be true and I have to keep reminding myself. I took 3 more FRERS to reassure myself. Call me gross but that last test is just sitting in the bathroom to remind myself its real. Now I'm freaking out that its the weekend and I cant get ahold of a Dr. I'm hoping they can see me as soon as possible because now I'm worried if the surgery could be cause for alarm or not.

I'm just hoping that this is it! Our due date is November 7th and our one year wedding anniversary will be November 6th so a perfect anniversary gift!

mamahazey · March 2016

@honeybeewebb2424 my digital test is still sitting on my counter from over a week ago too. I keep telling my husband that I'm going to be so sad when the batteries die lol

RiverSong15 · March 2016

jennihaze said:

@honeybeewebb2424 my digital test is still sitting on my counter from over a week ago too. I keep telling my husband that I'm going to be so sad when the batteries die lol

I may or may not have a ziplock bag under my bathroom sink with my tests in them.... Flame Free Sunday Confession?

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

I've got a little box of 'em in the bathroom from this past week and a half showing the progression...

I seem to be vacillating between feeling like I should just forget being pregnant because I won't be soon enough and a faint, flickering hope that things will turn out okay at my scan on Wednesday. My friends who know have been hoping for me, which is nice of them. I did buy a little toy at IKEA today (each of my kids has a toy I bought for them in the late first trimester) in some weird sort of irrational thought process that maybe if this baby has a first toy like their siblings, maybe things will turn out okay. It's dumb, but I suppose post-loss thinking goes that way.

benicode · March 2016

I'm sorry for all of your losses.

We've been trying to conceive since Dec '13. I've had two MC - the first in November '14 at 11 weeks, baby measuring 7ish. This one was particularly hard because it was my first, I was very sick the whole time, and my stepdaughter's mother got pregnant at the same time, with the same due date. It's hard to have that constant reminder of my loss. The second time, I did not get as excited and didn't 'feel' pregnant, and found out it wasn't viable very quickly. This year I've had lots of fertility bloodwork and an HSG, and got pregnant the month after that. This time I am excited and optimistic - I'm crossing my fingers that third time is a charm.

Megz1902 · March 2016

@benicode FX for you!

mrsflamingo · March 2016

I'm so sorry for all your losses. Hopefully we can all have sticky babies this time!

I had a CP in January, and it was so hard. I'm struggling with how I feel about this pregnancy- I'm so happy and excited but I'm apprehensive too- like I can't get too excited. We haven't even told anyone yet; we're traveling to see my parents next week so I think we'll tell them then. But I haven't made an appointment yet- part of me wants to go in this week just to get an ultrasound and make sure there's a hb before telling anyone.

Jolenef07 · March 2016

I hate not being able to get excited and enjoy what should be a happy time. It's one of the toughest parts of pregnancy after loss.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

@jolenef07 Agreed. When I've disclosed to my preceptors, I've told them "I am currently pregnant." Currently. Because I don't expect to be for long. I expect it to be a very temporary status. I've also cut them off before they can congratulate me because I just can't handle it.

Jolenef07 · March 2016

I go back and forth between wanting to tell people and not wanting too. I told my daughter as she was wondering why I wouldn't pick her up all of a sudden. That was a tough call. She knows I miscarried before and she saw how sad I was. Hate hiding stuff from her, but also trying to be sensitive to her developmental ability to understand. Agh!!!!!

alanaw121 · March 2016

I had to tell my boss today because she wanted to book me a flight to Dallas in September or October. I basically asked her to put booking the tickets on hold until I know if it's going to stick or not. Thankfully, she went through some similar stuff so she didn't do the "oh congratulations, that's great" thing. She just agreed to wait and said to let her know if I need anything or time off no questions asked. Hopefully, this will be a sticky one, but I'm leaning towards maybe not now. Had my first ultrasound today because they were thinking maybe twins and its looks like one of the babies already didn't make it. It was just an empty sac but the other one seems to be okay, just measuring a day or two behind (no heartbeat yet but the yolk sac is there and looks good) so I'm holding out hope.

aquasocks · March 2016

Hi ladies, I'm very sorry for your losses.

This is so hard to even think about but it feels good to share sometimes. We lost our first baby at 9wks. We saw our little bean via ultrasound at 7wks and he or she had a steady heartbeat and measured well. We fell in love instantly and thought we were in the clear, but we hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy yet. I actually was at a baby shower when I began bleeding. It was horrible and heartbreaking. We had been trying for over a year.

About 8 months after my D&C, we got pregnant again via IUI. We had a healthy pregnancy and beautiful baby.

After she turned 1, we began trying again, but no luck for 17 months until I got a faint positive in January. It stayed very faint for a few days and I went for a blood test. When I got home from the lab, my cycle started and it was very painful and heavy, my doctor confirmed a chemical pregnancy. It was a very frustrating and hormanal time.

In Feb we had our 3rd IUI, and it seems to be sticking so far! But I am still so nervous after the 9wk loss. I just want to be in the clear. But I have learned as a parent, you always worry about your children, whether or not they are born, how old they are, or anything else. So I am telling myself that I am doing all that I can and that brings some peace to my mind! Good luck to all of you and thanks for sharing your stories and reading mine. I feel like it honors our angel babies in some way.

MollySm · March 2016

I'm so sorry that we all have had losses, but I'm glad for the support system.

I probably shouldn't be here yet, but I got a squinter this morning at 8 DPO after being totally nauseated while grocery shopping last night. H can't see it (he has not spent as much of his life squinting at these things as I have!), so I will try again tomorrow for more confirmation. But of course now I can't get it out of my head, so I needed somewhere to talk about it.

I had our first daughter 4 years ago after a relatively easy pregnancy. About a year later I got pregnant again. I had more symptoms than I had with my daughter, so we happily went along until the first ultrasound at 8.5 weeks, where we saw no heartbeat. It took me about a week and a half before the natural miscarriage started. It was painful and so devastating. I was really sad and really angry with my body. But we did start trying to conceive again, and now have an adorable 1.5 year old little sister for our big girl.

This January we decided we were ready to start trying for our third take home baby. So now we wait, first to see if I can get more than a squinter, and then to see if baby grows well.

Good luck to everyone.

Jolenef07 · March 2016

Wishing you a sticky bean this go around!!! @aquasocks

chloe97 · March 2016

Hi I probably shouldn't be here yet either- I had a faint line on a FRER this morning at 10/11 DPO. I probably should wait to confirm with a digi, but I'm just so happy today I need to share it!!

H and I were married in August and I got my BFP in mid-October, I was in the June 2016 BMB. The Monday after Thanksgibing where we told our families, I started spotting. An u/s revealed a MMC at 8 weeks, 3 days. I had a D&C and some weird complications from that. My O was really late this cycle, so I thought it was a bust, but here I am!

We actually met with an RE last night bc I wanted to get hormone testing. I was a wreck afterwards bc she recommended IUI and I wasn't ready to talk about that yet. I was bawling to H last night about how unfair this all was. I was sure I wasn't KU-D bc I had horrible PMS symptoms. Last night I woke up at 2:30 and took a test. I could not believe it when I saw the faint line. I woke H up to verify.

Today has just been the best day. I may be SS like a crazy woman, but I swear I'm already getting nauseous. Hopefully it's a good sign.

Fx for a healthy happy 9 months for all of you!!

DunkinDecaf · March 2016

Hi all. So sorry for all of your losses. This thread has me officially weepy.

I guess the long and short of my story is in my intro, but I'll repeat. This is my third pregnancy. My first was ectopic. I went in for an ultrasound bc I was experiencing weird hip pain and they found my little peanut in my left tube. I don't suppose I'm up for writing out the whole story. It was easily the worst thing that's ever happened to me. It had been a surprise pregnancy, but we were ecstatic, and then we were heartbroken. They did save my left tube, but the scar tissue has caused me to have intermittent hip pain ever since.

Three months later we got another surprise, and it was a healthy pregnancy and a wonderful little girl.

After two unplanned pregnancies so close together I admit I really expected to be pregnant as soon as we started trying. Nope! This one took us six months. I told my mom immediately because she's around all the time, and if I had a loss I would need to lean on her, which meant we had to tell all parents and siblings so it would be "fair". Also we're supposed to go to California next week to see my in laws. I'm kind of in knots about that because when we had our ectopic we flew to California about 2 weeks after the loss because we'd bought the tickets so we could tell his parents in person that we were having a baby. I'm still not feeling confident that we're going to get to keep this baby so the looming flight plan feels like horrible deja vu, even though it won't be. My ultrasound to check if this one is ectopic is the day before we're supposed to fly out, so if something goes wrong obviously we won't go.

I went in yesterday for a blood draw and my hcg was 82 (at 4w1d) which the nurse told me was "way below what we would expect" and said she would've wanted to see it in the 600-10,000 range by then and there's a good chance it would be a miscarriage. I got that call right before taking my daughter to her music class, so that was a pretty miserable hour. After that I looked online and it seems to me that that level isn't *crazy* low and the nurse may have been a bit more pessimistic than she needed to be. At least that is what I'm hoping. Fingers crossed for a 160+ when I go back tomorrow.

Looking forward to getting to know you ladies! Prayers for sticky babies and healthy pregnancies all around!

Edit: I guess I hit enter a bunch of extra times. The spacing was super wonky.

Jolenef07 · March 2016

I had a loss in December of this year and now am 5w4d. Am having some lower back pain today and trying not to panic. This is not atypical, right? Not a sign of impending disaster? No bleeding or other symptoms.

comealongponds · March 2016

@Jolenef07 - I have dull low back pain frequently as well. I'm just trying to relax, rest as much as possible and not stress. Just breathe, due date buddy!

aquasocks · March 2016

Jolenef07 said:

Wishing you a sticky bean this go around!!! @aquasocks

Thanks! You too! We have the same due date.

Jolenef07 · March 2016

Well, I'm just going to assume that we're all going to reach that date without interruption.;) thanks due date buddies!

Pompomlove · March 2016

I'm having slight (TMI) "loose bowel motion" with cramps and of course, it's not the chili beef I ate, it's impending disaster.

KilgraveMadeMeDoIt · March 2016

"A sense of impending doom" is an actual medically recognized symptom (mostly of heart attacks, but some other stuff too.) I'm starting to think it should be recognized as a medical symptom, and not purely anxiety, when it comes to potential pregnancy loss too.

Im having a very hard day. Ultrasound is tomorrow. It feels like today is the last day I'll be pregnant and that I'm just waiting for the axe to fall tomorrow and I've been crying randomly. I'm not bleeding but I've quite a lot of pain on the lower right that's been lasting longer and longer.

I just want this horrible waiting to be over with.

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PGAL (Pregnant After Loss) Starter Thread

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