@ladybear10 YES!!! Going to concerts just makes me angry now. Even if you had a good spot or seats, if you're not in the first 3 "rows", you aren't seeing anything but a phone screen. Plus, who actually re-watches it later? That, and go pros at concerts...
Married to DH 10/6/12
TTC since 5/14
Unexplained with (controlled) hypothyroidism and suspected ovulatory dysfunction (but, I do ovulate on my own)
Clomid 50 mg 3/15 (unmonitored) - BFN
Clomid 50 mg + metformin 4/15 (unmonitored) - BFN
First RE appt. 5/15; Natural cycle 5/15 monitored with 2 mature follicles and Pregnyl Trigger (full dose) + prometrium - BFN
6/15 HSG - clear tubes & normal uterus; great PCT test results
TI - 100 mg Clomid + prometrium (AM & PM) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 6-7/15 (monitored) --> no additional response and thinned lining - BFN
TI - Injectables (follistim + Gonal-F, Ganirelix, & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 9/15 --> 3-7 mature follicles (3 definites and 4+ that could have matured due to trigger) @ O -->BFN + 5 large cysts
I think you guys all make good points. Let me be clear - I don't hate anyone, and I'm not bashing transgenders or anyone else, not even a little bit. I'm just tired of all of the posts on Facebook because personally, I don't like the idea that we, as a society, like to separate and label ourselves to such a degree, and then talk about it All The Flippin' Time. I don't care what your sex/gender/orientation/political party is - just be who you are and move on. Do I understand gender identity? No, I don't, because as I mentioned, the only reason that "female" is part of my identity is because, well, I'm a female. Do I accept that there are people who, for some reason or another, are uncomfortable with their gender? Sure. Do we really need to constantly post about it on Facebook, constantly point out our differences, and get offended anytime someone says something that isn't politically correct? In my Unpopular Opinion, no.
Now, that said.... because I really HATE feeling like an ignorant twat, I've been researching gender identity because I really DO want to understand. But so far, it's all very "feelings-y" and there is almost no scientific data on why it happens, or what causes people to identify with a gender other than their own, at least that I can find. And as I said, I'm really not a huge fan of labels and separation anyway because I truly think that perpetuates hate more than anything.
I will try to address some of this. Gender is one of my specialty areas so it may be a bit academic and wordy, just a warning.
It sounds like your gender identity, sex, and for a large part your gender expression line up. That is a common experience and one that is supported by social structures, to the extent that you probably don't think of these things as separate at all. This means that for you gender expression and gender identity collapse to "sex" and appear to be the result of biology (this is something we call essentializing). For you being a woman seems to be in line with biology rather than complex expression of multiple moving parts. You see some of the social construction of gender through your experiences with sexism, but the other dimensions are naturalized for you so they seem to be same thing - hence your aligning of menstruation with the experience and expression of woman-ness.
This is likely why, to you, identity based social movements look like they divide people. Because for you those multiple parts are all one. However, for people whose experiences deviate they are always, already divided. Their experience makes the social structure visible to them and their sense of self has to either be silenced and erased or they have to make it visible just to get to be who they are.
More importantly, transpeople face immense discrimination and danger. They are more likely to experience various kinds of violence, homelessness, discrimination and social sanction than their cisgender peers. For them the visibility on Facebook us not about division it is about survival. Visibility is how you gain acceptance and rights, it is how you lessen hate crimes and make it so your right to bodily autonomy is respected by family, doctors and the government.
I am glad you are trying to understand, I hope you can, but even if you can't, please understand that what these groups want are privileges we cisgender folks take for granted.
As others have said you can learn more about gender theories but what is really essential is to listen to Transgender people and believe what they say to you.
Importantly, not all trans* people will say the same things. Some want to fully transition their bodies some do not. Some feel they identify as women or men, others identify as gender queer. For some their bodies just feel wrong to them, like they were born with a birth defect. For others it is not so extreme. What they share is a lack of alignment between the dimensions of sex and gender.
Part of the reason that is weird when we start to use the proper term for things (like sex reveal parties for instance) is that it shows the underlying social structure. I mean it is kind of weird to hold a party to celebrate your kid's genitalia. We do it because of all the things we align with that genitalia - social roles, personality traits, lots of things that go into gender identity or gender expression. So we ARE having a gender reveal party, but we are presuming that the socially constructed stuff will line up with the biological stuff and so the party becomes our first instance of gendering our children. I get why people see them as linguistically interchangeable, but using them as such upholds the status quo and erases gender non-conforming people and intersexed people (because even sex is not actually binary).
As to the feelings-y stuff. I would say two things. 1)it isn't on any group to prove the validity of their existence to access the right to exist visibly and with civil rights protections. 2) we don't have the answers to your questions for cisgender people like you, yet I imagine you see your own identity as pretty well supported and real.
If you have questions about gender theory feel free to private message me.
@liljabee Wow, that was so well written and informative! Thank you for posting. I definitely understand the "issue" much more now!
Edited to fix tag
Married to DH 10/6/12
TTC since 5/14
Unexplained with (controlled) hypothyroidism and suspected ovulatory dysfunction (but, I do ovulate on my own)
Clomid 50 mg 3/15 (unmonitored) - BFN
Clomid 50 mg + metformin 4/15 (unmonitored) - BFN
First RE appt. 5/15; Natural cycle 5/15 monitored with 2 mature follicles and Pregnyl Trigger (full dose) + prometrium - BFN
6/15 HSG - clear tubes & normal uterus; great PCT test results
TI - 100 mg Clomid + prometrium (AM & PM) + vaginal estrace (AM & PM) 6-7/15 (monitored) --> no additional response and thinned lining - BFN
TI - Injectables (follistim + Gonal-F, Ganirelix, & 1/2 dose Pregnyl) + prometrium (AM & PM) 9/15 --> 3-7 mature follicles (3 definites and 4+ that could have matured due to trigger) @ O -->BFN + 5 large cysts
Your comment on gender reveal parties is very poignant. I had promised myself I wouldn't get wrapped up in that way of thinking, but I find myself doing it constantly, especially now knowing I'm having a second boy. It's so hard not to fall into the expectations we and others have of what it means to not have a daughter/only have sons. It is so unfair to place these expectations not only on our unborn babies but also on the types of relationships and experiences we will or won't have with them!
I'm not sure I have a uo ,but here's my thoughts on the Transgender subject(since it seems that's 90 %of this thread lol) : who cares what's between ur legs. I care about your character your morals your behavior towards myself my family and those around you. I was raised to be very open minded accepting of different genders sexual orientations etc. Our family has biracial ,law enforcement,homosexual,heterosexual,trans,handicapped ,democratic, republican ,liberal, vegan, hunters.. basically every type of person you could imagine and yet we all manage to get along and be support of others. Imho,if more people cared about the morals and character of themselves and others we wouldnt focus so much on what gender someone is. Personally i dont need to "understand" everyone that may be seen as different or atleast different from me. Your a vegan cool i like steak now please tell me what salad dressing to have at the family gather for you.you have a weiner and wear skirts cool wheres a good place to shop ? ya know what i mean ...now if you're an asshole, i dont give a crap what you identify as, your still an asshole. flame away.
Re: UO 3.4.16
It sounds like your gender identity, sex, and for a large part your gender expression line up. That is a common experience and one that is supported by social structures, to the extent that you probably don't think of these things as separate at all. This means that for you gender expression and gender identity collapse to "sex" and appear to be the result of biology (this is something we call essentializing). For you being a woman seems to be in line with biology rather than complex expression of multiple moving parts. You see some of the social construction of gender through your experiences with sexism, but the other dimensions are naturalized for you so they seem to be same thing - hence your aligning of menstruation with the experience and expression of woman-ness.
This is likely why, to you, identity based social movements look like they divide people. Because for you those multiple parts are all one. However, for people whose experiences deviate they are always, already divided. Their experience makes the social structure visible to them and their sense of self has to either be silenced and erased or they have to make it visible just to get to be who they are.
More importantly, transpeople face immense discrimination and danger. They are more likely to experience various kinds of violence, homelessness, discrimination and social sanction than their cisgender peers. For them the visibility on Facebook us not about division it is about survival. Visibility is how you gain acceptance and rights, it is how you lessen hate crimes and make it so your right to bodily autonomy is respected by family, doctors and the government.
I am glad you are trying to understand, I hope you can, but even if you can't, please understand that what these groups want are privileges we cisgender folks take for granted.
As others have said you can learn more about gender theories but what is really essential is to listen to Transgender people and believe what they say to you.
Importantly, not all trans* people will say the same things. Some want to fully transition their bodies some do not. Some feel they identify as women or men, others identify as gender queer. For some their bodies just feel wrong to them, like they were born with a birth defect. For others it is not so extreme. What they share is a lack of alignment between the dimensions of sex and gender.
Part of the reason that is weird when we start to use the proper term for things (like sex reveal parties for instance) is that it shows the underlying social structure. I mean it is kind of weird to hold a party to celebrate your kid's genitalia. We do it because of all the things we align with that genitalia - social roles, personality traits, lots of things that go into gender identity or gender expression. So we ARE having a gender reveal party, but we are presuming that the socially constructed stuff will line up with the biological stuff and so the party becomes our first instance of gendering our children. I get why people see them as linguistically interchangeable, but using them as such upholds the status quo and erases gender non-conforming people and intersexed people (because even sex is not actually binary).
As to the feelings-y stuff. I would say two things. 1)it isn't on any group to prove the validity of their existence to access the right to exist visibly and with civil rights protections. 2) we don't have the answers to your questions for cisgender people like you, yet I imagine you see your own identity as pretty well supported and real.
If you have questions about gender theory feel free to private message me.
Edited because autocorrect hates academicese.
Edited to fix tag
BFP #2 8/22/12 | EDD 5/5/13 | DS1 born 5/9/13
BFP #3 4/25/15 | EDD 1/7/16 | MMC 7/2/15 @ 13w1d | D&E 7/8/15
BFP #4 12/9/15 | EDD 8/22/16 | DS2 born 5/18/16 at 26w2d
Just keep swimming.
Your comment on gender reveal parties is very poignant. I had promised myself I wouldn't get wrapped up in that way of thinking, but I find myself doing it constantly, especially now knowing I'm having a second boy. It's so hard not to fall into the expectations we and others have of what it means to not have a daughter/only have sons. It is so unfair to place these expectations not only on our unborn babies but also on the types of relationships and experiences we will or won't have with them!