Asking OB/GYN about their faith, etc

Re: Asking OB/GYN about their faith, etc

• kelseyofanne member

  February 2016

  Probably.  I mean you could but you'd have to be ok with him flat out refusing. Alternatively you could casually ask about weekend plans to see if he volunteers anything.

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• dec15mum member

  February 2016

  If he's qualified and you feel comfortable with him then I don't see any reason why not 

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• Mizuiro007 member

  February 2016

  I think many people could take offense to being asked about their religious beliefs in a professional setting. Realistically it shouldn't change his job performance or decisions he'd make. If you were being interviewed for a job, what would you think if the interviewer asked your religious beliefs?
  
  If you're uncomfortable enough that religion would make a difference, see a female doctor. If it really doesn't make a difference, why does it matter if you find out? Just keep seeing him and over time as the doctor/patient relationship builds you may find your discomfort fades anyway.

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• mhwood member

  February 2016

  I would be offended if I were your doctor and you asked me that question. Faith doesn't make you more or less qualified for a job, unless you are teaching or preaching your religion. 
  
  Why does his religion matter at all?

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• groovylocks member

  February 2016

  ^^ this. I understand that it might be important to you in terms of medical decisions that may be affected by your beliefs but they have to honor most of those regardless of what they believe. 

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• RSB1982 member

  February 2016

  I would never ask a medical professional (or anyone for that matter) about their faith.  I just don't think thats any of my business, not to mention rude.  It has nothing to do with how well they can preform their job.  
  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

  Thanks for your answers.
  I think I'm psyching my self out with the whole thing and maybe grasping at straws here. 
  
  Not sharing faith wouldnt really be a deal breaker and obviously wouldn't impact his job performance, but for the doctor patient relationship and becoming more comfortable over time like someone else mentioned, I feel like it might get there a lot quicker if I knew we shared the same world view.
  
  Im glad I asked because I was having a hard time gauging the appropriateness of the question as faith is something that is talked about openly in the circles we are apart of in pretty much every other area of life. 
  
  OKAY ANOTHER QUESTION
  Would it be totally awkward to call out my level of discomfort with the situation ( because I think it's really obvious as it is) but explain that I want to continue to see him for various reasons and see if I can make it work.
  I guess I feel like the more doctors know the better? Or if I call out the awkwardness it would make it go away? Maybe it would make it far worse. 
  I really don't know. 
  
   
  
  

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• LaceyH13 member

  February 2016

  I don't think I would elaborate too much about why you don't want to see the other dr to his/her colleagues. A simple explanation that you weren't satisfied with the care you received should be enough unless the new dr asks for more information. This way they don't get caught feeling like they have to defend or explain their colleague's actions.
  
  i definitely wouldn't ask about religion. If your religion requires a particular treatment or way of doing things you can ask if they will honor those, but what they do on Saturday nights or Sunday mornings isn't really any of your business, just like yours isn't any of theirs.
  
  For what it's worth, I have switched hairdressers within the same salon without incident, not because I was unhappy but because my regular girl was full, another took my appointment, and I just really liked the second girl more. We are all adults in the world and as long as you don't look for drama it shouldn't follow you.

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

  No I didn't mean talking to a different provider about my level of nervousness/ discomfort. I meant trying to clear the air by being open about it with the doc Im uncomfortable with (only when it comes to exams) for the sake to trying to continue seeing him and explaining that while I'm very nervous, I WANT to see go to him because I like and respect him.
  I have a nothing against him and no one would need to defend him. It's just general anxiety with the whole uncomfortable aspect of being naked and him being male and also relatively close to my age. 

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• ATolentino89 member

  February 2016

  Didn't he deliver your baby? If so, he's already seen all of your lady bits. So there's that ice breaker. 

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• Court11152325 member

  February 2016

  I don't see any problem being up front about wanting to continue care with him, but feeling a little uncomfortable. You could ask if he will have a nurse in the room during an exam. My OB does that and it might help with your comfort level. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

  Yes he delivered my baby and I had numerous encounters with him durning pregnancy that didn't involve an exam which allowed experiences with him that made me come to appreciate him and his expertise -- but anyone could have been in the room at that point and I didn't care. Male OB - totally good, just get that baby out! Male GYNO- ummm 
  when I had my 6 wk follow up it was so Incredibly awkward I was so nervous and when he checked my heart he even blushed and forgot what he was going to say...(this was before the exam I imagine he could hear my heart racing) I don't know what the deal was but I dont want to pass up pretty much the one and only doctor I've ever liked just because I can't get past my nerves during an exam. 
  Im asking all this because I need to go back this week for some on going issues....

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• breezypip member

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  Like a PP said, my OB/GYN always has a female nurse in the room for exams. It's probably not only for the patient's comfort but also to cover them in case a patient claims any inappropriateness. Does your GYN do that because that may help? Remember that they're a doctor and see hundreds of women each week so yours is just one vagina out of hundreds they'll see. It's a job for them and might as well be a foot. I think my male doctors have actually had the best bedside manners and I think it's because they understand it can be awkward for some women and are trying to make us feel more at ease.

  

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• kristib1027 member

  February 2016

  I've had a male gyno for the last 4 years, it's never bothered me. It's their profession. Gender of my doctor has never bothered me. In fact both of my daughters peds are also male. 

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• BostonBaby1 member

  February 2016

  I've never had a male OBGyn/ MFM/ RE do a pelvic exam without a nurse in the room. Just either ask for a female present during pelvic/ breast exams or go with a female.
  
  I agree that his faith should have nothing at all to do with your medical care, so long as he respects YOUR faith in his practice methods.

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• taysun member

  February 2016

  One of my OB/GYN is male and I never have a nurse in the room, but I am asked if I want one. Personally I'm not bothered but there no reason you can't have one to make you more comfortable. 

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• Bombmom3 member

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  I'm going to be blunt because I'm just not awesome at beating around the bush: are you attracted to him and that's why you're feeling so awkward about all of this?  Or do you feel he has been inappropriate with you?  You just seem to be acting coy and, frankly, weird about this.  Unless you're going to have another baby soon or you have ongoing issues with your reproductive organs you are only going to see this guy once a year, tops.  I'm not sure what all is going on where you need some connection with him but ... a good doctor should see you as an individual but still maintain distance and an appropriate Doctor/patient relationship.  
  
  Asking him about his faith is just adding to the weirdness of this whole situation.  Unless you have strict beliefs that require certain treatments to or not to be utilized, your religion and his have nothing to do with anything relating to your care or his management of your reproductive health.  If you have certain beliefs in regards to birth control etc be frank with him about it so he can take that into account when offering medical advice.  
  

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• redfallon member

  February 2016

  Bombmom3 said:

  I'm going to be blunt because I'm just not awesome at beating around the bush: are you attracted to him and that's why you're feeling so awkward about all of this?  Or do you feel he has been inappropriate with you?  You just seem to be acting coy and, frankly, weird about this.  Unless you're going to have another baby soon or you have ongoing issues with your reproductive organs you are only going to see this guy once a year, tops.  I'm not sure what all is going on where you need some connection with him but ... a good doctor should see you as an individual but still maintain distance and an appropriate Doctor/patient relationship.  
  
  Asking him about his faith is just adding to the weirdness of this whole situation.  Unless you have strict beliefs that require certain treatments to or not to be utilized, your religion and his have nothing to do with anything relating to your care or his management of your reproductive health.  If you have certain beliefs in regards to birth control etc be frank with him about it so he can take that into account when offering medical advice.  
  

  ^wss

  Jamie

  
  

  
  

   

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• Bombmom3 member

  February 2016

  I do want to add that I wasn't trying to shame you at all by asking if you were attracted to him.  You just phrased a lot of things indirectly and weird so I just am trying to figure out where the real issue is since it seems more than just the standard, "I'm uncomfortable with a male doctor rooting around in my baby-maker."    

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• groovylocks member

  February 2016

  Bombmom3 said:

  I do want to add that I wasn't trying to shame you at all by asking if you were attracted to him.  You just phrased a lot of things indirectly and weird so I just am trying to figure out where the real issue is since it seems more than just the standard, "I'm uncomfortable with a male doctor rooting around in my baby-maker."    

  And also, if you DO have some hots for him (totally ok! Hot male doctors, come on!) I'd fire him on that basis alone. You're essentially his employer and it's probably a bad conflict of interest (on both your parts) if you can't stop blushing around him. 

  
  

  Also... you know, if he's an OBGYN and he's fumbling and embarrassed around lady bits, regardless of how you feel about him, that's not a doctor you want rooting around down there. It would be like an oncologist treating a woman for breast cancer and yelling "boobies! Titties! Tee hee!" every couple of seconds. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

  Thanks. I really do appreciate frankness and I agree that this is all weird. The reason why I even posted these questions is because I recognize that I'm over thinking and psyching my self out with this whole thing and have lost objectivity. Being able to pose a question on a site like this where you have some anonymity is helpful so people like you can call out my crazy. Lol
  
  I do have on going issues and do plan to get pregant again soon. I go to a group practice and have seen all the doctors there and am tired of jumping around and want to select one for continuity of care so all these questions are for a current and relevant situation. 
  
  I don't think I'm trying to be coy, just generally a very modest person and have only had one other man (hubby) see me naked for the past 11yrs. It's just weird for me even if it is in a professional setting. 
  There is a nurse there and all and the whole situation should be fine and this is thread is making it clear that I'm the one MAKING it weird and if I'm going to continue to see him I need to get over it and if not then see someone else. Simple as that. 
  
  I'm not trying to make some sort of personal connection or anything with the whole faith question and have already decided/agreed with everyone that it is weird and I'm over that question. 
  
  As as far a any attraction or inappropriateness.... I feel like he may be attracted to me and there may be some tension but I imagine it's very common that an attractive women come in daily and Male gynos have to decidedly put their doctor hat on and push what ever feelings aside but I think it's natural that some of that might slip out even subconsciously (ei:blushing). I Think I may have picked up on some of that which may also be why the last appt was so awkward. But I don't get a creepy feeling from him or anything. 
  
  Anyway thanks for all the responses.  
  
  

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• LaceyH13 member

  February 2016

  I hope it isn't common for male doctors to be attracted to their female patients, particularly when said Doctor/patient relationship includes no pants.
  

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• BostonBaby1 member

  February 2016 edited June 2016

  [Deleted User] said:

  Thanks. I really do appreciate frankness and I agree that this is all weird. The reason why I even posted these questions is because I recognize that I'm over thinking and psyching my self out with this whole thing and have lost objectivity. Being able to pose a question on a site like this where you have some anonymity is helpful so people like you can call out my crazy. Lol
  
  I do have on going issues and do plan to get pregant again soon. I go to a group practice and have seen all the doctors there and am tired of jumping around and want to select one for continuity of care so all these questions are for a current and relevant situation. 
  
  I don't think I'm trying to be coy, just generally a very modest person and have only had one other man (hubby) see me naked for the past 11yrs. It's just weird for me even if it is in a professional setting. 
  There is a nurse there and all and the whole situation should be fine and this is thread is making it clear that I'm the one MAKING it weird and if I'm going to continue to see him I need to get over it and if not then see someone else. Simple as that. 
  
  I'm not trying to make some sort of personal connection or anything with the whole faith question and have already decided/agreed with everyone that it is weird and I'm over that question. 
  
  As as far a any attraction or inappropriateness.... I feel like he may be attracted to me and there may be some tension but I imagine it's very common that an attractive women come in daily and Male gynos have to decidedly put their doctor hat on and push what ever feelings aside but I think it's natural that some of that might slip out even subconsciously (ei:blushing). I Think I may have picked up on some of that which may also be why the last appt was so awkward. But I don't get a creepy feeling from him or anything. 
  
  Anyway thanks for all the responses.  
  
  

  No. So much no. Whether or not he is actually attracted to you is besides the point. None of us know the answer to that but that you "feel like he may be attracted..." Is enough to choose a different doctor. 

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• Bombmom3 member

  February 2016

  BostonBaby1 said:

  ldelle said:

  As as far a any attraction or inappropriateness.... I feel like he may be attracted to me and there may be some tension but I imagine it's very common that an attractive women come in daily and Male gynos have to decidedly put their doctor hat on and push what ever feelings aside but I think it's natural that some of that might slip out even subconsciously (ei:blushing). I Think I may have picked up on some of that which may also be why the last appt was so awkward. But I don't get a creepy feeling from him or anything. 
  
  Anyway thanks for all the responses.  
  
  

  No. So much no. Whether or not he is actually attracted to you is besides the point. None of us know the answer to that but that you "feel like he may be attracted..." Is enough to choose a different doctor. 

  Um ... If you feel any inkling at all that he is attracted to you whether or not he acts upon it means you need to not see him as your physician anymore.  His job is literally to see hundreds of vulvas of all shapes, ages and stages.  There should be zero sexualization - ZERO - for him.  If he is blushing, fumbling etc you need to stop seeing him.  Period.  

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

  Ok is everyone in some sort of denial that straight male gynos are not attracted to females? I agree that they see so many vaginas all day that it's "like and elbow" but you cannot help who you are attracted too. It's just an automatic biological thing. They need to "turn it off" and just work and that is why it's important that doctors don't get too chummy with their patients but if some smoking hot woman walks in do you really expect them
  to be like meh...whatever. No they have to power through it, be professional, and like I said decide to put their doctor hat on and turn off whatever natural reaction they may have.
   Men are still men and are driven visually. 
  
  Maybe you guys would be more
  uncomfortbale with male gynos as well if you acknowledged this fact. Obviously they won't be attracted to most patients with factors like age, type and I can imagine some gross vag would be an instant turn off but if they women is healthy.... Really are you serious?

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• breezypip member

  February 2016 edited June 2016

  [Deleted User] said:

  Ok is everyone in some sort of denial that straight male gynos are not attracted to females? I agree that they see so many vaginas all day that it's "like and elbow" but you cannot help who you are attracted too. It's just an automatic biological thing. They need to "turn it off" and just work and that is why it's important that doctors don't get too chummy with their patients but if some smoking hot woman walks in do you really expect them
  to be like meh...whatever. No they have to power through it, be professional, and like I said decide to put their doctor hat on and turn off whatever natural reaction they may have.
   Men are still men and are driven visually. 
  
  Maybe you guys would be more
  uncomfortbale with male gynos as well if you acknowledged this fact. Obviously they won't be attracted to most patients with factors like age, type and I can imagine some gross vag would be an instant turn off but if they women is healthy.... Really are you serious?

  It doesn't actually matter at all if a doctor is in fact attracted to a patient, the problem is that you FEEL that he's attracted to you. Doctors should be professional enough to keep that under wraps and it sounds like your perception is that he behaving in a way that is not professional due to his attraction to you. Whether the attraction is real or perceived, it's a problem. Is it possible you might be more comfortable with male doctors if you acknowledged that they are (should be) professionals and aren't looking at you "like that". 

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  I've never noticed him looking me up and down like he's checking me out (though he's seen me completely naked during delivery which wasn't pretty) or be flirty or inappropriate In  any way he has been very professional but when a guy is attracted or into you, you can sense it. Body language, voice inflection, Etc. 

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• LaceyH13 member

  February 2016

  I think you like the attention and aren't really as concerned about it as you are making us believe. If you were really that uncomfortable you would switch doctors. But it sounds to me like you like thinking that this doctor is attracted to "smoking hot" women like yourself, and perhaps this post is just turning into a humblebrag.

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• Bombmom3 member

  February 2016 edited June 2016

  [Deleted User] said:

  I've never noticed him looking me up and down like he's checking me out (though he's seen me completely naked during delivery which wasn't pretty) or be flirty or inappropriate In  any way he has been very professional but when a guy is attracted or into you, you can sense it. Body language, voice inflection, Etc. 

  Well, someone is full of herself.  Maybe that's what you should talk with him about instead of your religion.  How hot you are and how into you he is.  
  
  I knew there was something off-kilter about how you were posing your questions.  Hope you got the attention and ego boost you needed from this.  
  

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• Bombmom3 member

  February 2016

  Also, have you said any of this to your husband?  Because mine would literally go through the roof if I told him that my GYN's "body language and tone of voice" indicated he was attracted to me.  Or that he blushed and fumbled after listening to my racing heartbeat.   Seriously, this thread reads like a cheap romance novel. 

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• Court11152325 member

  February 2016

  So, this is a perfect example of world view. When an event happens, we interpret it through our own world view. If I had a racing heart beat and my male doctor fumbled I would think that he just accidentally fumbled, not because my racing heart beat made him. Part of why I interpret this is that when I'm at the doctor I'm not even thinking about my doctor being attracted to me. 
  
  But I do have some questions. 1) Are you sure he's straight? 2) does this happen to you around a lesbian doctor? 
  
  Sure men and women can be attracted to women. But a professional will maybe acknowledge "they are attractive" in their head and move on.

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

   Whoa no, I wasn't referring to myself with the "smoking hot" comment, I was using that as a general statement about natural attraction. 
  
  1) I do in fact know he is straight but I DON'T  know in fact if there is anything on his end. I've always been pretty good at reading people and so that's why I "feel that there may be something" as I can read body language etc and thought that you guys would relate. These are subconscious cues I'm seeing, but I could be totally off base. I'd be lying if I said it isn't a
  ego booster if I am right. 
  
  
  I DID talk to my husband about all of this and when I told him about my last appt before I even eluded to anything else he said "sounds like he might have a thing for you" which pretty much confirmed my suspicions. He knows nothing would ever happen so he's not worried about it. 
  
  This poor doctor just might be a awkward, nervous person who trips up on his words from time to time and anything Im perceiving could be in my head. I think is convo could get into some psychologicical territory really fast but I'm not really wanting to go down that road and if I seem to be leaving anything out its because things can be more complex with all the details and I don't want to write a book about every single encounter I've had with this guy to try to explain why I think he may "have a thing for me" in my husbands terms. 
  
  
  
  My original question from the very beginning got lost in all this so I'm going to break down the sitiation with a bit more details for a final vote. 
  
  Totally ignore the faith aspect. I'm over that. 
  
  Pros - (why I want to choose him as my doctor for now on)
  -I really like this doctor- I can talk to him easily and he is very good at his job
  - each encounter (aside from the akwardness of the last appt) has been positive - which is rare for me
  - after my delivery I trust him
  - he is the only doctor I've ever met
  who explains things to me in a way I'm satisfied with - like text book answers (this alone is enough)
  - he has never been inappropriate (in any way, shape, or form)
  - he seems to really care about his patients 
  
  Cons (why I should see someone else)
  - not comfortable with male gyno in general when it comes to exams 
  - there is a perceived  awkward tension as he MAY "have a thing for me"  (which I don't believe hinders his ability to do his job- he has always been professional)
  
  I really don't want to pass up pretty much my favorite doctor just because I can't get past some nerves during an exam that only is 5% of the over all interactions I would have with this guy. 
  But if I am going to select him from here on out and anticipate many more encounters, I don't want it to be something that will continually be weird and get worse where I'd ultimately
  have to go to a female doc anyway. 
  
  Read my original question. This is really all I wanted an opinion on.
  
  So much gets lost in translation in text and if we were all in one room this whole convo could have been much more clear. I've enjoyed it though and the cheap romance novel comment made me crack up!
  
  Thanks guys! 
  
  
  

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• LaceyH13 member

  February 2016

  I don't know why you think we should talk you into one way or the other. Either you want to stick with him or you don't. I don't see much of a point in us continuing to give our opinions to you if you are just going to pick and choose what you give credence to or not. We cant talk you into one decision or the other. Maybe your IRL friends would be more helpful on this one.

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• Bombmom3 member

  February 2016

  If you perceive, and your husband agrees, that this doctor may have a thing for you then you absolutely should not use him again.  Ever.  Final answer.  

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• breezypip member

  February 2016

  Seeing a male OBGYN is not weird. Continuing to see a male OBGYN that you feel is attracted to you is.

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016 edited February 2016

  Yeah I guess if I'm honest with my self I know what the right answer is but I wish it wasn't that way and that it could be something that we could get past. 

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• pupsicle23 member

  February 2016

   If you're concerned enough about your doctor that you are making a pro/cons list,  then I think you need to see a different doctor.  I adore my OB and will continue to see her even though we moved farther away from her. I trust her and want her birthing my future child(ren). 
  
  This thread does just seem like an exercise in different worldviews. I don't want to make assumptions about yours,  but you seem like you'd be more comfortable if you just switched to a female OB. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

  I only put it in pro/con terms for the sake of simplifying it for you guys. Just hoping someone can understand my struggle and if you put yourself in my shoes what would you do. 
  

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• taysun member

  February 2016

  honestly i think you should stop asking us and talk to your husband and make the decision. if i were you i wouldn't be asking internet strangers about something as important as whether or not i need a new doctor. 

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• [Deleted User] member

  February 2016

  I have talked about it with my husband and he said its up to me.
  He understnds the importance of finding a doctor you like and he really wouldn't mind me continuing to see him.  Just wanting some other perspectives / opinions. I don't want to talk about it to my IRL friends because we live in a small town and they all who he is and have seen him as well and I don't want to make a "thing" out of it that people know about. 

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