Memorial tattoo

Daisydoodle86 · February 2016

I've been toying with the idea of getting a memorial tattoo for our first baby. Depending on what happens this cycle, I'll either be getting it our (hopefully) waiting and bring it next year.

Just wondering what the general consensus is. I feel like my DH views it as attention seeking, and I'm curious if anyone else thinks that?

I came across this while researching about my MMC and I haven't been able to get it out of my head. "I held you every second of your life". I would add the dates underneath.

All opinions welcome, I promise I won't take offense! Thanks ladies!

MamaCoffin · February 2016

I think it's great! I'm a tattoo collector myself so I plan on getting a memorial tattoo as well. I don't think it's attention seeking. You do whatever the hell helps heal your heart. Tattoos have always been therapeutic for me. I plan on doing something like this. Birds on a branch to represent the living children I have been/ will be blessed with. And a bird flying away to represent my loss.

catiecatp · February 2016

I think it is lovely - perhaps you could get it somewhere that is easy to cover so DH views it as less attention seeking?

m6agua · February 2016

I do not think it is attention seeking. I think that phrase is great. My opinion would be to not get it in the font on your picture and not have so much spacing between the lines. It is hard to read. But that could just be the Graphic Designer in me.

I just got my first tattoo to memorialize my loss. I wanted it on my wrist and DH questioned that. I said to him that it doesn't matter to me what other people think or say. This tattoo is for me, so I will never forget. I think you should go ahead and get it if you really want to. Obviously be sure in what you want and where you want it. I posted mine on another thread but I will post it again.

AL_TwinCities · February 2016

I also have a tattoo for my first loss. It is a triangle that represents mother, father, child, for the first baby that made us a family.

Now that I've had a second loss, I am going to get another tattoo, but this one will be for all of my children, so I'll add to it over time. This is what I want to do, but on the side of my pointer finger and right now I'll start with two arrows, one for each of the babies I have lost.

I personally don't want to talk to everyone about my losses, so my tattoos have alternate meanings that I can tell people who I don't want to tell the truth. If I did something more obviously related to my losses, I would likely do it somewhere covered and more private.

I don't think that your tattoo would be attention seeking, and quite frankly that was shitty if your DH to say.

fivetimesnoluck · February 2016

@Krystinadimare do what you feel is best! If it is meaningful to you then go for it! If you want to comfort DH, consider placing it somewhere that isn't always visible

The floral image here is inspiration for my next tattoo- I'm scheduled to start it on 2/28. I don't have a picture of the stencil that the artist drew, but it will be a spray of my five birth month flowers: a white rose (so I'm doing a Cherokee rose), sweet pea, morning glory, marigold, and holly. Want it to look like these old botanical prints. Very excited, but also anxious. It will be my biggest and only one with color. It will be on my left shoulder. I have a very conservative job, so none of my tattoos are visible. I have two others.

The other image is something my husband and I came up with together that memorialized the first four. This is the sketch we gave the artist. Lines that were measured to represent how long each was carried (7, 7, 9, 4.5 wks, respectively). We both have it on our left rib cage. Truly coincidental after we got it done, I realized our initials can be made out of the two shapes (A & L).

Edit to clarify: I am bad at anatomy. New tattoo is going on my left shoulder blade, not shoulder.

Sending from phone. Apologies in advance for any typos.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/mk/ty9a2jucvm12.jpeg

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/cw/hqgd2gdn0ssd.jpeg

dpjennifer · February 2016

I like it. And I agree that if you want to try to appease DH, you could get it somewhere that's covered oftentimes as a personal reminder to you and DH without being as attention seeking.

FiancB · February 2016

I've been wanting a new tattoo. I love ones like @AL_TwinCities that are subtle. The triangle also represents fertility and I have been meaning to do a still life photography project where I incorporate a lot of similar symbolism, and posting it either around my EDD or in October/infant and pregnancy loss awareness month. I'll be incorporating baby's breath, a burnt out candle, an aloe plant (represents grief, also happen to have one and it's the only damn plant I've been able to keep alive) all set upon a baby blanket folded into a triangle.

Personally, I don't usually care for text in tattoos so as to OP, maybe stick with just the image? That's just my personal preference. If the text is important to you, get it. I agree that I would not appreciate a similar comment from my husband.

For years I toyed with the idea of getting a lotus on my ribs or thigh. At the time that I thought of it, to me it was more about being awakened and gaining knowledge, but it can also represent overcoming adversity because they grow through mud. I don't know though. I've attached that to a lot of things, long before I had a loss, and has more to do with personal growth I experienced around 10 years ago, not now. I haven't really thought of anything loss related that I'm satisfied with. I think it will also depend on whether I end up having multiple losses.

H has a music staff on his arm with a fire dancer where the clef would be (he loves Dave Matthews Band and that's kind of their symbol). The staff is blank to represent being able to play out your life however you wish. He did say he had a thought of eventually having our kids' names on it, or maybe notes that match their initials. It just occurred to me that a musical staff with a pause in it could represent loss. Hmm.

Image: https://classconnection.s3.amazonaws.com/242/flashcards/931242/jpg/fermata1321370738832.jpg

Or a quarter rest since I was roughly 1/4 of the way through my pregnancy.

mylittleversailles · February 2016

I think a memorial tattoo is a lovely idea and the thought of anyone calling that attention-seeking blows my mind. Amazingly, as humans we do have a need for attention from others and that is not a negative thing. However, a memorial tattoo seems quite private to me, so I just don't equate the two with each other.

I've often toyed with the thought of getting one for my best friend but I have two tiny tattoos that took about ten minutes and am still burnt out from that. It's a Sufjan Stevens' lyric:

"I can't explain the state that I'm in
The state of my heart
He was my best friend"

I don't know how I'll feel about getting a tattoo for our baby, but I only wear a very, very thin rose gold wedding band so I might pick out a second tiny one with the August birthstone.

glamakitti · February 2016

I think a memorial tattoo is a lovely idea. I also think that your DH will need to come to terms with and respect the way you are choosing to express your grief and heal; It's not hurting anyone else. I have 2 tattoos already and considered getting a memorial tattoo I just couldn't decide on a design that I thought would do our baby's memory justice, If that makes sense.

zrain · February 2016

I went out and got a tattoo for my baby two days after my miscarriage. I felt like I needed it to help me heal. It's forget me not on my lower abdomen. People might see it if I'm in a bikini or something, but it'll mostly be covered. I almost wish it was more visible so when people asked what it's for I could tell them about the baby we lost. Since I opened up to all my friends and acquaintances on Facebook I feel this strong desire to tell the world what we went through so people aren't so awkward and uncomfortable and uninformed about miscarriage. Even if people do see your tattoo it's not attention seeking. It's just for you, and if you want to explain what it's for when people ask, they'll be better, more compassionate and informed humans because of you.

EALasagna45 · February 2016

I think memorial tattoos are awesome. You should do whatever it is that you need to do to heal. I too feel like tattoos are therapeutic so it was no question if I was going to get one. As weird as this may sound, the physical pain of getting tattooed made me feel like I could mentally let go of some of the pain...

I apologize if this image is huge as I'm bumping from my phone but I got this yellow butterfly in memory of my loss. Days after I miscarried and was having a terrible day, I happened to look outside and saw a single yellow butterfly flying at my back door. It stayed there until I reached the door and slowly flew away. This probably sounds super crunchy but for whatever reason in that moment I felt some solace.

zrain · February 2016

@EALasagna45 I love the story behind your butterfly! And I completely agree about the pain of getting the tattoo being therapeutic. That's part of why I got it where I did. I experienced the pain of contractions there during my miscarriage that led to my baby leaving me. It felt right that the pain of the tattoo in the same place led to a permanent reminder of that baby.

Oh, and I want to share my picture here too

NamelessAria · February 2016

I really like all the lovely memorial tattoos that you ladies have. I'm not sure I could do the tattoo thing. I'm too indecisive and feel like I'd end up regretting the design/size/location/whatever that I chose, even if I still loved the general idea. If I wasn't so flaky I think I'd probably get some sort of small memorial tattoo for the baby I lost.

@reneeannemm I actually really loved the idea you had of picking out a piece of jewelry with baby's birthstone. That feels like a sweet way to remember baby that isn't quite so permanent as a tattoo for people like me who just can't quite commit to something so forever. Then later on if my opinion on what I chose changes I can always just pick out another item. I actually think I'm going to go browse Amazon now for birthstone earrings or something.

Daisydoodle86 · February 2016

Thank you ladies-- I'm sorry its taking me so long to respond-- I find it difficult to respond on the bump app and I rarely have a private moment with a real computer. I appreciate all the input, and I really appreciate all the support here

I think I might show my husband these beautiful tattoos and see if it helps him change his mind

jenmlangtake2 -- Thank you- Your tattoo plan is so lovely and original. I wish I could be that creative, and I love that you'll representing all your children

catiecatp -- thank you, thats a good idea, originally I was thinking my forearm but I could do my ribs or back of my neck.

m6agua thanks, you're right-- that font is a bit wonky and would likely look weird! I'm glad you got your tattoo-- its beautiful

AL_TwinCities I love your triangle tattoo and what it represents! Your plan for your second tattoo is so unique, and I love that you have different meanings for it, so if you don't feel like sharing, you don't have too!

fivetimesnoluck Beautiful! So intricate and literally every detail has meaning

I love that you and your DH got these together!

FiancB Please post that picture when it's done-- it sounds like it's going to be amazing! The idea of the musical notes is wonderful- I wish I was more musically inclined, because I'd consider borrowing that idea

reneeannemm I love your ring idea-- so simple and private

glamakitti thank you, and yes it makes total sense! It feels so important and its so final- you want it to be absolutely perfect.

zrain a forgetmenot flower sounds lovely. And your facebook post was AMAZING! You're right-- I think people knowing could help, not hurt.

EALasagna45 "This probably sounds super crunchy but for whatever reason in that moment I felt some solace. "-- Not crunchy at all! I'm so glad you found a moment of peace during that time. And I love that you used it to remember your baby

And this will be 3rd tattoo-- so I definately agree with you and @zrain about the pain being therapeutic.

NamelessAria I hope you find something that you love!

decoycandy · February 2016

My profile picture is the tattoo I got last month. At first my fiancée didn't like the obvious reminder. He said it made him sad and he worried about being reminded of the loss everytime he saw me naked. Humans are resilient and after a couple weeks he not only was ok with the tattoo, he actually really likes it. I suggest talking to your Hubby, make sure he isn't having similar thoughts. Maybe he is just saying the attn seeking thing because he doesn't feel he can say his side. My partner didn't say anything against the tattoo prior to me getting it. He was being supportive. I do actually kinda regret the date, since it brings up questions and requires an explanation, instead of just being a pretty tattoo. good luck

susykat77 · February 2016

@AL_TwinCities I've been wanting to get the same triangle tattoo on my wrist (but on the right side of my right wrist) I actually drew it on with a sharpie while I was going through my miscarriage. And I LOVE your next tattoo idea.

I do like the idea of getting a tattoo for my loss but I am not a fan of dates. I guess I like something more subtle.

MamaBish · February 2016

*lurking*

I got this on my ribs for my stillborn, it's her footprint with a line from the book "love you forever" which the author wrote after he and his wife had losses.

@FiancB I also got this lotus/water lily on my wrist after my loss to encourage myself to rise out of the muck. It's a nice reminder when I see it all the time.

catiecatp · February 2016

@mamabish - love your tattoo and the book is so lovely.

SnobunnieMel · March 2016

sorry i am a little late to this game. i think it is a great idea and not at all attention seeking. I plan on getting one was well but DH wants me to wait until i am more emotionally healed since he doesnt think its the way to "get closure." I am going to get the phrase " tu me manques" which is french for "you are missing from me" on my left ribs by my heart as well as possibly adding a heart that is filled in with the shape of a smaller heart left empty inside of it. i think having something with us permanently is a good analogy of the memories and hurt from our losses.

LynneB16 · March 2016

I lost ours at 5 1/2 months. Since we got pregnant literally as soon as we got married I got our wedding theme (interlocking black hearts ) on my wrist with a little pink heart inside for our little girl who will always be inside us. My husband says it makes him sad looking at it sometimes but it makes me happy to have her there.

fivetimesnoluck · March 2016

Progress update! I have had two sessions and will hopefully finish it up in my next session scheduled for April 7. To be honest, I came thisclose to backing out! It's a big damn commitment and I never thought I would have a large, somewhat visible tattoo. (It's completely covered at work, but in yoga and other casual clothes, depending on the cut, it will be visible.) Now that it's in process, I am so happy I went through with it.

The flower in the middle is a morning glory and it and the buds above it will be blue. The Cherokee rose is at the bottom and will be white. Not great picture quality, but you get the idea.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/0g/feth0wfb7j9w.jpg

MWoodside · March 2016

@fivetimesnoluck, your tattoo is gorgeous!

fivetimesnoluck · March 2016

@MWoodside Thank you! I am in love with it and can't wait to see it finished!

LCRbelle · April 2016

I've been thinking about getting a tattoo that symbolizes my losses a lot lately. I want something that doesn't scream I've and miscarriages, but that is special to me. I've been thinking about something simple like this. One flower for each loss. I can't decide yet where I would get it but I would want it somewhere private or easily able to be hidden.

NamelessAria · April 2016

@LCRbelle I think that is a lovely idea. And something like the picture you posted would be a beautiful way to remember your losses I think. I love the design.

LCRbelle · April 2016

@NamelessAria thanks! I just need to figure out where to put it now..

SnobunnieMel · April 2016

So DH and I discussed this. I am officially set to get "tu me manques" on my collar bone if/when AF shows up. We decided that is a good time as it symbolizes the last step in moving forward with the MC and she really is no longer with me then. Now just waiting for when that will be. I picked the font I want and am ready for it.

LCRbelle · April 2016

@SnobunnieMel I think that's beautiful.

fivetimesnoluck · April 2016

@SnobunnieMel Love that!

BrightenMySky · April 2016

Have been lurking on this thread. I don't have any tattoos, but all of these tattoos and the thoughts behind them are so beautiful.

SnobunnieMel · April 2016

I am so in love with it. Mostly my own writing but tweaked just a tad.

Spartanrd4 · April 2016

Love the tattoo @SnobunnieMel ! It's beautiful and I like how it's in your own handwriting. Definitely inspiring, I've been thinking of getting a tattoo for a long time....maybe I'll finally have the guts!

fivetimesnoluck · April 2016

Love!! @SnobunnieMel You've been on my mind all week. I'm so glad you got to do this. It's beautiful. ❤️

fivetimesnoluck · April 2016

Spartanrd4 · April 2016

Wow @fivetimesnoluck that is awesome!!

SnobunnieMel · April 2016

That came out incredible!

fivetimesnoluck · April 2016

Thank you! I'm so, so happy with it.

MWoodside · April 2016

So beautiful @fivetimesnoluck

jdebaie · April 2016

For me, it's been a cathartic way to grieve. I feel like I can touch the tattoo and be reminded of my baby.

KristoKekerooni · April 2016

*lurk alert* just wanted to say OP, a tattoo is for you. And even if people see or you get attention, that's not a bad thing! Create awareness, let it be something people talk about it! I love that mine has opened so many conversations. I've had 3. The first time I found out I was pregnant, we went out a splurged on baby junk. I'm obsessed with elephants so we bought a bunch of elephant stuff. And then I miscarried. And then again twice more. So u have a not quite half sleeve of an elephant. It also works because elephants are the most incredible creatures when it comes to grief. They grieve hard, but they grieve completely. They move on. But they never, ever forget. In fact, people actually study elephant grief patterns. Anyway, it's something I can just brush off as an "oh, yeah, I like elephants" or go deeper about when someone asks.

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