UO Thursday!

NovaSaysNo · February 2016

We all have them...

NovaSaysNo · February 2016

Let me start with what isn't really an UO, but I'm thinking I may get the ban hammer soon. I've been writing on bumpadmin and bumpcatilin's walls (which they deleted two of my comments- two of the same comments on each page, four total- btw...). I don't appreciate our board/community being ignored when asking a question. The fact that they didn't respond (but still deleted one of my comments) led me to write this email to the bump. So... If I'm gone soon, maybe BailySaysYes or LunaSaysMaybe or someone along those lines will come in to the community. Oh, and it's easy to change IP addresses. Thanks Computer Science degree (my husband)!

Email:

Subject: TTGP Board and Moderators - Issues that need to be fixed

To whom it may concern:

I have left messages on both BumpAdmin and BumpCaitlin's walls regarding a thread that was removed from our board. This thread was read and used by many members of the TTC group. We were upset over the lack of response (read: no response or information) regarding the removal.

I originally questioned the removal and asked for it back, but nothing was said. I continued to post on the wall in hopes that something would happen. No response at all. In one comment I wrote "***crickets***" to show the lack of communication but it has been since deleted by the moderators. This is completely unacceptable, especially considering they deleted my comment, yet did not provide any information whatsoever on the original topic.

I have been a moderator and also worked management and leadership positions. In my opinion, the way this has been handled is a disgrace to the community. These moderators have zero common courtesy for the members of the board. All we wanted was our pinned thread to be brought back to it's rightful place.

If this one issue wasn't bad enough, we're constantly harassed by new members who violate the TOU by asking questions like "Am I pregnant," then when we respond they will hit the "report" button. After talking with many members who are getting warnings, it seems that these reported posts are not even being looked at, but the member is given a strike. Three strikes and you're out. Seems a bit unfair when the "report" button is used as a "dislike" button. A member should absolutely have the ability to contest strikes. As in, information regarding a strike is sent to their inbox and they can, in turn, agree or contest it. If they contest, they should be able to explain why it is unjust and have the strike removed. Gifs should not be grounds for a strike. Ever. This issue needs to be fixed immediately. I'm tired of losing valued members because someone get's their feelings hurt because they were asked not to post comments or pictures that area against TOU.

Get over your report/three strike rule because it does not work. Quite honestly, it's absurd you would even enforce that with such incompetent moderators.

If your aim is to encourage members to leave the site, I would say "bravo." You're either angering or banning them. All this does is continue to alienate members who actually contribute to the site and make it a better place. Absolutely unacceptable.

This situation is absurdly asinine. Changes need to be made, and they need to start with replacing mods to some who actually look over the board, and not treat every "report" (read "dislike") as a reason to ban highly valued members. The approach of volunteer moderators seemed to work a while back, but apparently that was only good for members and no one outside the actual community (read: no one that matters in this scenario).

I found the threads (and other websites) containing information regarding the events that led to many members leaving or being banned in the somewhat recent past. I must say that was horrifically inappropriate of The Bump. The actions taken against long standing members were disturbing, to say the least. I also found the "apology" from The Bump (which sounded completely insincere and was disgusting to read; did a college student write that?).

Please, for the sake of the amazing community (the members specifically), fix these issues. Bring in moderators who will work WITH the community and not against us. That would be the start. I do not want to leave a community with such wonderful women (members), but if history is going to repeat itself I do not want to be a part of that kind of dictatorship environment.

Another place to start would be a "round table" discussion with the community in an open forum thread WITH decision makers (whoever those are, not the incompetent moderators). The members should feel able to speak freely, without the threat of being banned.

Let me finish by saying I hate to be so blunt, but this is the only way to get the point across without sugar coating it. I was very pleased to join a community of women who relied on science and although they may be snarky, it's what gets the point across. I hope that I can rely on this community in the future.

Thank you for your time,

(my real name)

Just got an email back that is wasn't deliverable to the address that was listed on the site... So, I'm adding that to the list screwed up things. I sent it to the main customer service site instead of the community one. Maybe I'll get a response.
Like I said earlier, wrong thread for this, I know, but in my very irritated, and probably unpopular opinion, this needs to be addressed and I feel like they'll just boot me instead.

Edited for clarity

NovaSaysNo · February 2016

It seems I have taken my anger (about the bump situation) out on the UO thread. my UO is actually that I don't want to do the "right" things sometimes. Sometimes I want to be difficult and angry and that's okay!
Also... I don't like donuts.

Winnie81_Old · February 2016

That was a wonderful email! Very diplomatic yet firm and to the point. I really hope they reply soon, and if they ban you for this there will be an issue in the community. I also am not a fan of donuts.

I don't have an UO yet but once I get some coffee in me I may be able to think coherent thoughts and then type them out...not yet though.

MrsDho11 · February 2016

Hey, I love that email, @NovaSaysNo ! I noticed yesterday that the Post Partum Preparedness thread was back-- is that the one you were talking about? If so, yay! Thanks for getting it back for us!

Ash9614 · February 2016

My UO - I think the guidelines on when to see an RE are a bit misleading. I'm really glad I didn't wait a year. If I'd been having regular cycles (shoot, if I'd been having semi regular cycles), I probably would have held out, but one unmediated cycle between June and December 2015 was a big red flag to me. Turns out PCOS has my hormones completely out of whack, making proper timing impossible. I never would've guessed that was what was wrong and was a bit blindsided walking out with a "diagnosis."

Maybe guidance to people should be "6 months if over 35, 12 if under 35, unless you notice something unusual like no periods or extremely heavy/painful cycles."

jmr1515 · February 2016

@NovaSaysNo great email! I sure hope they don't ban you for that. There are moderators for a reason and it's not to ban people for trying to make this a better community!

cjt121413 · February 2016

@NovaSaysNo -I think your email was good. I am pretty baffled by the BGs. Sometimes I feel like this board is over-moderated. The way they swoop in and close posts and delete comments makes me uncomfortable....and I guess I don't see what their goal is. To avoid getting bad reviews in the App Store from butt-hurt newbies? I was also annoyed that the TOS were changed to include an arbitration agreement.....it's the lawyer in me that can't stand stuff like that. To opt out of the arbitration agreement, you have to physically send a letter instead of opting out on the website. That annoys me. I didn't send a letter, because I'm busy, and frankly I don't foresee ever needing to sue TB, but it's again, the big brother thing that annoys me.

Now that I said that, I'm concerned I'll get a warning or get banned. That's ridonkulous, since all I did was state my opinion. I will say, I've been on TK, TN, TB for about 10 years (I'm old, apparently), and there has always been varying degrees of this stuff.

My UO is I'm kind of concerned about the presidential election. Donald Trump is BSC and has no business running this country. Ted Cruz scares me in a Frank Underwood/Count Dracula sort of way. Rubio is also scary in a war-mongering, social conservative sort of way. Bernie Sanders sees like he would be an awesome president....of Sweden, not the U.S.. HRC has so much scandal surrounding her, and it's disconcerting. I think Kasich is awesome, and he can bring people together, but he isn't getting much traction.

So politics is my UO.

NovaSaysNo · February 2016

@Winnie81 thanks! I read it a few times to make sure I didn't put something like "asshat" or anything in there on accident. Haha

@MrsDho11 YES!! That's the one! If you look at bumpadmin and bumpcatilins walls I BLEW them up about it. A few of my posts were deleted! I took screen shots, but after sending the email, suddenly the comments were back. Very fishy.

@jmr1515 I 100% agree and feel like they need more accountability. We've lost too many good members over nothing, and yet we can't get simple answers?! Ugh.

@cjt121412 that's exactly how I feel! Everything you said. And I don't think you need to worry. If you saw the amount of emails and crazy comments I've been leaving, I don't think they'll even notice your comment. I think I might need to be careful. Too late for that!

NovaSaysNo · February 2016

I can't believe the thread is back (I hadn't seen it earlier). I'm so happy! Even if I get banned, at least something good came from it. Plus like I said, IP addresses are easy to change... so um... you'll know if "someone like me" joins.

irohspupil · February 2016

Ash9614 said:

My UO - I think the guidelines on when to see an RE are a bit misleading. I'm really glad I didn't wait a year. If I'd been having regular cycles (shoot, if I'd been having semi regular cycles), I probably would have held out, but one unmediated cycle between June and December 2015 was a big red flag to me. Turns out PCOS has my hormones completely out of whack, making proper timing impossible. I never would've guessed that was what was wrong and was a bit blindsided walking out with a "diagnosis."

Maybe guidance to people should be "6 months if over 35, 12 if under 35, unless you notice something unusual like no periods or extremely heavy/painful cycles."

TCOYF actually suggests that a woman who is temping/charting and hasn't had a BFP in 4 or 6 cycles should go ahead and see an RE since she's having well timed sex (after her SO has had his semen analyzed).

ETA: you're right and I'm glad you got checked out!

furbabymom2007 · February 2016

Ash9614 said:

My UO - I think the guidelines on when to see an RE are a bit misleading. I'm really glad I didn't wait a year. If I'd been having regular cycles (shoot, if I'd been having semi regular cycles), I probably would have held out, but one unmediated cycle between June and December 2015 was a big red flag to me. Turns out PCOS has my hormones completely out of whack, making proper timing impossible. I never would've guessed that was what was wrong and was a bit blindsided walking out with a "diagnosis."

Maybe guidance to people should be "6 months if over 35, 12 if under 35, unless you notice something unusual like no periods or extremely heavy/painful cycles."

I finally read/skimmed the Impatient women's guide to getting pregnant. In it she talked about how couples with well timed sex for six months may want to consider seeming treatment or at least testing. Based on the authors research, the 1 year for 35 and younger and 6 months for 35+ rule of thumb comes from statistic compiled from 17th century birth records. Whether or not this is true... It makes me wonder. I also figure that most women do not know when they ovulate and not 100% sure they are timing sex as they should be so that's probably why they they keep pushing the rule of thumb. If it was advertised that if after 6 months people needed to seek help, then people would be coming out of the woodwork wanted treatment.

Quote from the book:

But I was curious—where did this statistic come from? I found the citation to the original research, published in the medical journal Human Reproduction, and read the article. When I got to the part where the author described his data, I laughed out loud—
not my usual reaction to dry medical articles. The data, it turns out, were from church birth records in rural France between 1670 and 1830! Surely some of those older women who already had seven or more children were able to fend off their husbands occasionally? And didn’t the French discover withdrawal right around then? Not to mention that life expectancy was much shorter, and modern medicine, antibiotics, and indoor plumbing didn’t exist. Did they even have soap? This is a very different situation from the healthy modern woman who wants to get pregnant and lures her husband into bed with the siren song, “I’m ovulating!” Healthy lifestyles can’t completely trump biological aging, of course, but surely these groups had some key differences from our situations now—timing sex based on ovulation being the most obvious.

More quotes:

But then I am an Impatient Woman. Fortunately, the medical community is starting to come around to the idea that a year is too long to wait, particularly if a couple has been timing sex around ovulation. The guideline of a year is based on the old idea that you just throw away your birth control and fall into bed when the mood strikes. With ovulation prediction, though, the average couple under 35 is pregnant in less than three months, especially if they’ve had sex at the right time every cycle.

For those that have not yet Read the book... I am not sharing it to scare you. I just hit the 6 month mark... But even using just about every tool in my Arsenal to predict my ovulation and time the sex, I have still only hit 3 (if I am truly honest wth myself) actual FW with good timing. It does however, make me feel better about talking to my OBGYN about my concerns.

And I wish I knew how to make the text as small as possible otherwise every drive by that reads it will flip out.

edit... I tried to format the text as a spoiler so you have to click on the little ... Box to read it. It seems to have only half worked. Yay for editing on mobile

anj27 · February 2016

This may be highly unpopular and I understand the many reasons behind why we don't do it BUT I wish regulars would post their BFP announcements on the board. I like seeing them and I wish I didn't have to sift through TWW threads everyday to find them.

l9i · February 2016

@cjt121413 I hope it's an unpopular opinion

Although I really can't say anything, I'm not really liking any of the candidates.

*edited for clarification*

DumbledoresArmy · February 2016

@anj27, I totally agree! I've been taking a break from the board for the past few weeks for emotional reasons, but when I do pop in I would love to see just one place with all the BFPs. No way I'm going through all the old TWWs!

Ash9614 · February 2016

micshi said:

Ash9614 said:

My UO - I think the guidelines on when to see an RE are a bit misleading. I'm really glad I didn't wait a year. If I'd been having regular cycles (shoot, if I'd been having semi regular cycles), I probably would have held out, but one unmediated cycle between June and December 2015 was a big red flag to me. Turns out PCOS has my hormones completely out of whack, making proper timing impossible. I never would've guessed that was what was wrong and was a bit blindsided walking out with a "diagnosis."

Maybe guidance to people should be "6 months if over 35, 12 if under 35, unless you notice something unusual like no periods or extremely heavy/painful cycles."

TCOYF actually suggests that a woman who is temping/charting and hasn't had a BFP in 4 or 6 cycles should go ahead and see an RE since she's having well timed sex (after her SO has had his semen analyzed).

ETA: you're right and I'm glad you got checked out!

****QBF****

You're right - I did see that when I read TCOYF, which made me feel a little better about going. Even temping wasn't working for me - FF would give me CH, then I'd have spotting 2 weeks later, but no full AF. In hindsight, my body was likely gearing up to ovulate, then things were going haywire.

NamelessAria · February 2016

@furbabymom2007 Well, now I'm depressed. Maybe at the 6 month mark DH and I will go ahead and make an appointment with a RE. I don't know though because other than Endo I don't really have anything that would suggest a problem. Ya know, other than not being pregnant after all the well-timed intercourse. And what are they considering "well-timed" exactly. Because DH and I usually end up with something like -4, -2, O. FF nearly never gives me a "high" rating. It's pretty much always "good." Maybe that's part of the problem? Ughhhhh

@anj27 I suspect that will be an unpopular opinion. Don't get me wrong: I'm very happy for any regular here who gets her BFP. I sincerely hope that all the regulars get their BFP and the sooner the better. But, I know sometimes I'm having an especially hard TTC day and I just can't see a BFP without breaking down into an ugly cry. I'm sure I'm not the only person who does that.

However, I think maybe a weekly BFP thread would work. Then all the BFPs are together in one place but if you're having a rough TTC day you can just not open the thread and read. One could simply save reading the thread till they're having a better day and then go get their daily dose of happy and excitement.

cjt121413 · February 2016

@anj27 I get the sentiment, but I couldn't handle random BFP threads all over the place or even one a week. Truth is, post-loss I can't stomach the 2ww threads some days. I'm so happy when people get KU but some days I just cant.

PrimRoseMama · February 2016

anj27 said:

This may be highly unpopular and I understand the many reasons behind why we don't do it BUT I wish regulars would post their BFP announcements on the board. I like seeing them and I wish I didn't have to sift through TWW threads everyday to find them.

**SIGGY WARNING!!!**
this used to be common practice, but TTGP changes every year & that's ok. I think for some having hard TTC days the little "BFP explosions" that happen can be overwhelming. Add to this that drive by see them & think it's cool. What I found helpful was the graduate check in, but even that doesn't seem to fly very well these days here. It's a constant ebb & flow. Maybe individual BFP threads will come back around. I'm rooting for you all. Best wishes. -- Prim

mrsdaddario · February 2016

@NovaSaysNo - I haven't been on the site long enough to feel your struggle, but I certainly appreciate freedom of speech and the effort you put in to get back the thread you wanted. Your letter was articulate and well written.

@Ash9614 - YES. Everything you said. I'm over here going crazy on CD 56 thinking, well it's only been 5 months of trying, so I can't really reach out to anyone yet. (Especially because I've only been charting/using OPK's for a short amount of time. Yet have only had three periods in those five months). But I can just TELL something isn't right. Not to mention I have MS on top of TTC issues, so I'd like to figure out what's going on sooner rather than later, as I'm just a sitting duck without my MS meds.

@furbabymom2007 Thanks for sharing that! I cannot believe the world is still working around stats from how many centuries ago?! Ooofph. Can women's health get a little more attention?

I guess my UO today would be that I can't stand when people say, you just have to relax and keep yourself busy during the TWW, or even the TTC process. DH told me last night he understands I'm "passionate" about this, but it'll happen when it's meant too. Really? Did you really just say that? F that. It's like telling someone going through a bad breakup that "you can't see it now, but time heals all". I don't want to hear it.

cjt121413 · February 2016

mrsdaddario said:

@NovaSaysNo - I haven't been on the site long enough to feel your struggle, but I certainly appreciate freedom of speech and the effort you put in to get back the thread you wanted. Your letter was articulate and well written.

@Ash9614 - YES. Everything you said. I'm over here going crazy on CD 56 thinking, well it's only been 5 months of trying, so I can't really reach out to anyone yet. (Especially because I've only been charting/using OPK's for a short amount of time. Yet have only had three periods in those five months). But I can just TELL something isn't right. Not to mention I have MS on top of TTC issues, so I'd like to figure out what's going on sooner rather than later, as I'm just a sitting duck without my MS meds.

@furbabymom2007 Thanks for sharing that! I cannot believe the world is still working around stats from how many centuries ago?! Ooofph. Can women's health get a little more attention?

I guess my UO today would be that I can't stand when people say, you just have to relax and keep yourself busy during the TWW, or even the TTC process. DH told me last night he understands I'm "passionate" about this, but it'll happen when it's meant too. Really? Did you really just say that? F that. It's like telling someone going through a bad breakup that "you can't see it now, but time heals all". I don't want to hear it.

I totally agree. I hate it when DH says shit like that. I'm like "be quiet and inseminate me." Lol.

Eta: spelling

rosenyc123 · February 2016

I completely agree on the guidelines. I don't think people should run out after just a few months, but if you have had good timing, have been charting and using OPKs, and know you have ovulated, I don't really get waiting either. I was temping for a year as BC and then we started trying. I always got a "high" or a "good" rating on FF, and I always ovulated fairly regularly. My OBGYN brushed me off at 6 months, but at 9 months we went to the RE and it seems like MFI. We get our official diagnosis next week. I started to suspect something was wrong based on SCIENCE, and I didn't appreciate my OBGYN telling me to just relax and stop charting (wtf?). If I didn't know myself and take the initiative, I would just be waiting around for no reason.

I have heard the argument that it is a waste of resources, or that you could be taking any appointment away from someone else, but I find that sort of specious. I was able to get an appointment right away, and the resources and mine and my insurance company's. Going to the RE doesn't mean you will get unnecessary treatment, but at least you can get some tests out of the way. There's nothing stopping an RE from being like "Your tests are fine. Go home and try another 6 months" I found it reassuring that TTOYF says 4-6 months, because it made me feel less crazy.

furbabymom2007 · February 2016

@NamelessAria

i certainty did not mean to depress anyone! I will admit I was a little bummed after reading, but then I went and looked at my chart and asked if I was REALLY actually hitting my peak days. I think in the book is says -1,-2 are best.

But of course we all have to be reasonable and realistic... It is effing hard to have sex everyday to make sure you hit that. EOD, as is commonly recommended, is(only slightly) more realistic but also doesn't gurantee "perfect" timing every time. But this is usually good enough to get pregnant... Eventually, likely longer than 6 months IF YOUR CYCLES ARE "REGULAR". so short of having sex every damn day (which just absurd...) you are doing everything you can possibly do. To me, knowing that I have taken control of anything that I can control, is comforting. I have nothing to regret or think that I could have or should have done.

That being said, i am am still going to talk to my doc today about my super light and apotty AF and shortish LP. I am armed without printouts of my charts ( should he be open to them).

Also.... There were a few lines in the book that made me feel much more okay about not having all that sex to hit Peak days. And also made me think that maybe my timing isn't as perfect as I thought.

Here is a part that I highlighted in my kindle when j read the book... (Yes, I do that). I know all of you know this information, so it is preaching to the choir, but it helps me to read it.

When you were younger, or just started having sex with your man, or didn’t already have a child (or a job), or simply had more time, the question of when to have sex wasn’t really an issue, because you did it all the time—once a day, sometimes twice on the weekends. If you still have sex this often, you can skip this chapter.

(Pause.)

Now that the 99.5 percent of you who are from planet Earth are still with me, let’s talk about the best time to have sex if you want to get pregnant. Timing sex is more important than most people realize. At most, only six days of your monthly cycle are at all fertile, and only two of them are the most fertile. So if you’re having sex once a week without any consideration of when you ovulate, you’ll probably miss these days completely. If you’re having sex twice a week, you’re still likely to miss the best two days. And if you’re having sex less than once a week: First, welcome to the silent sisterhood, and second, don’t worry—you can get pregnant from having sex just once a month, as long as it’s on the right day (though two days is better, and trying to get pregnant is a great excuse to revive your sex life). If you’re even a little impatient to get pregnant quickly, timing is everything. Many couples who try for months without success are just timing things wrong. Most books, Internet sites, and OPK or fertility monitor instruction sheets say that the day you ovulate is the most fertile. But the latest research, based on four different studies, shows that the most fertile days are one and two days before ovulation. For women in their late 20s and early 30s, the chance of getting pregnant on the day of ovulation is less than 1 in 10, but two days before ovulation it’s 1 in 3—three times higher! You can up those chances even more if you have sex more than once during your fertile time.

cjt121413 · February 2016

rosenyc123 said:

I completely agree on the guidelines. I don't think people should run out after just a few months, but if you have had good timing, have been charting and using OPKs, and know you have ovulated, I don't really get waiting either. I was temping for a year as BC and then we started trying. I always got a "high" or a "good" rating on FF, and I always ovulated fairly regularly. My OBGYN brushed me off at 6 months, but at 9 months we went to the RE and it seems like MFI. We get our official diagnosis next week. I started to suspect something was wrong based on SCIENCE, and I didn't appreciate my OBGYN telling me to just relax and stop charting (wtf?). If I didn't know myself and take the initiative, I would just be waiting around for no reason.

I have heard the argument that it is a waste of resources, or that you could be taking any appointment away from someone else, but I find that sort of specious. I was able to get an appointment right away, and the resources and mine and my insurance company's. Going to the RE doesn't mean you will get unnecessary treatment, but at least you can get some tests out of the way. There's nothing stopping an RE from being like "Your tests are fine. Go home and try another 6 months" I found it reassuring that TTOYF says 4-6 months, because it made me feel less crazy.

I agree with this. FWIW, I have PCOS and my endocrinologist recommended an RE after 6 months (I'm not 35+). I think it really depends on the person's specific circumstances. I also think one reason for the guidelines is insurance rarely covers RE treatment so it gets expensive. The idea that you could take the appointment from "someone who really needs it" is kind of silly. My dentist and regular ob are really busy, too, but if I need to see them I make an appointment.

FiancB · February 2016

@NovaSaysNo sweet, glad the thread is back! It's interesting to compare and contrast the modding styles between here and TK. In some ways, I feel like we are more allowed to be adults over here. On the other, I get annoyed how the BGs just pick a copy/paste reply to close threads and don't really interact with us at all, and I definitely get the feeling that sometimes they issue warnings for reports without actually reading the thread.

simcal18 · February 2016

@cjt121413 I heart John Kasich and think he is the only grownup in the room. I've even donated to his campaign, and I rarely make campaign donations. I think his campaign slogan should be "John Kasich: Not a Bush. Not a Clinton. Not batshit insane."

GhanimaAtreides · February 2016

I kinda hate having a TV on in the house period. From the time H gets home from work until he goes to bed, the TV is on, with surround-sound blaring. He was raised that way. 75 percent of that time he's not even really tracking, looking at his phone. He favors reality shows geared towards guys. It's still asinine. I have ADHD-Inattentive type. The constant barrage of stimuli is a bit hard to handle as the tail end of Adderal wears off. I think if I didn't SAH and had to come home to that every day I'd be homicidal. Thank goodness for the oasis of peace from 7:45am to 4 or 6pm five days a week.

My UO: I freaking hate reality shows. They are THE WORST. I feel like they are a waste of time and MUD. You're sitting there with your life on hold watching other people live theirs. Time.suck.

Yep... this includes The Bachelor. *flees mob*

anj27 · February 2016

I totally get what everyone is saying about BFP threads. I know it's really hard for some people to see, on some days more than others, and I know that it's a slippery slope of encouraging newbies and drive-bys. I think one periodic thread could be a good idea but I understand if even that is too much for people. I am not really looking to start a campaign for change, just looking to achieve a successful unpopular opinion.

cjt121413 · February 2016

simcal18 said:

@cjt121413 I heart John Kasich and think he is the only grownup in the room. I've even donated to his campaign, and I rarely make campaign donations. I think his campaign slogan should be "John Kasich: Not a Bush. Not a Clinton. Not batshit insane."

I love him, too! So does DH. I like that he is moderate enough to bring the parties together. We need that! And he has real, relevant experience. Let's hope he can get through the South.

runningpenguin · February 2016

UO: I think shamrock shakes are gross. Actually anything mint is gross.

PensiveCrayon · February 2016

I do agree about having a dedicated BFP thread. Heck, maybe we could give it a codename so drivers-by aren't as inclined to discover it. Heh. Just a suggestion.

As for my UO I am SO ready to give it: I am sick, sick of hearing about Hamilton the musical. Okay, granted, I haven't listened to it or anything, but it's become one of those things I'm deliberately avoiding like some sort of a curmudgeon because I hate all the hype. I have a Facebook/Twitter friend who literally retweets everything about Hamilton and refers to him as A.Ham and I think has a crush on this man who has been dead for over 200 years. It's a crushing thing, because I am such a musical fiend, but I can't you guys. I can't.

Also, @furbabymom2007re: the conception statistics thing in The Impatient Woman's Guide, that's exactly what I think of every time I hear that healthy-person-one-year statistic. But I'm too polite to cut in with the facts. That book is tremendous, though. I love her humor.

WinchesterGirl · February 2016

Wait wait wait, @NovaSaysNo there was a BG apology over the @PocketFullofShells situation? How did I miss this? Or did I misread that?

simcal18 · February 2016

PensiveCrayon said:

I do agree about having a dedicated BFP thread. Heck, maybe we could give it a codename so drivers-by aren't as inclined to discover it. Heh. Just a suggestion.

As for my UO I am SO ready to give it: I am sick, sick of hearing about Hamilton the musical. Okay, granted, I haven't listened to it or anything, but it's become one of those things I'm deliberately avoiding like some sort of a curmudgeon because I hate all the hype. I have a Facebook/Twitter friend who literally retweets everything about Hamilton and refers to him as A.Ham and I think has a crush on this man who has been dead for over 200 years. It's a crushing thing, because I am such a musical fiend, but I can't you guys. I can't.

Also, @furbabymom2007re: the conception statistics thing in The Impatient Woman's Guide, that's exactly what I think of every time I hear that healthy-person-one-year statistic. But I'm too polite to cut in with the facts. That book is tremendous, though. I love her humor.

OMG. This reminds me of my UO that I had been saving for today and forgot: I am a huge musicals fan. I love them, and I love a wide variety of them. I heard all the hype on Hamilton and was SO excited to see the performance at the Grammys Monday night. So I watched . . . I did not get it. At all. At. All. DH and MIL loved it; I was left totally cold. No desire to go see it at this point.

skiingstark · February 2016

cjt121413 said:

simcal18 said:

@cjt121413 I heart John Kasich and think he is the only grownup in the room. I've even donated to his campaign, and I rarely make campaign donations. I think his campaign slogan should be "John Kasich: Not a Bush. Not a Clinton. Not batshit insane."

I love him, too! So does DH. I like that he is moderate enough to bring the parties together. We need that! And he has real, relevant experience. Let's hope he can get through the South.

I wish Colin Powel would run, I think he is a moderate that could bring together the two parties. John Kasich I do not think is really a moderate but he just seems to be because everyone else in the Republican party has gone so far off in the deep end he looks moderate.

khbear · February 2016

My UO is I currently like when people say it will happen when it will happen. I've only been at it 3 months, but sometimes I appreciate the idea that there's only so much I can do to help the process - and I'm doing it.

Lulucooks · February 2016

The recommendations for when to see an RE are there as a general guideline. It won't be for everyone, but rather for the individual who sees a shift every month, has no other issues, and is under 35. If you are having extremely painful periods, even if not TTC, you should see your doctor. If you go 6 months and never see evidence of ovulation, go to the doctor. But if it's been 4 months and you just don't want to wait anymore but are seeing ovulation, have no reason to think there's something wrong, it's unreasonable to go to an RE. Impatience =/= infertility And just because you saw an RE before 12 months and your insurance covered it, doesn't mean it's the right advice or even a possible course of action for everyone.

whiska · February 2016

@Ash9614 Yeeesssss! I have wanted to post this so many times but thought I would get flamed.
Here are my thoughts on this whole wait-a-year thing...

1) Medical science vs insurance: my doctor just ordered an MRI because I've been having weird debilitating headaches for the last month after working out. How ridiculous would it be for my insurance company to say that they're not going to cover the MRI unless there was evidence of this problem occurring for the last 6 or however many months? It's ridiculous that they get to dictate coverage of reproductive tests in this fashion. When I asked my obgyn's nurse about the wait-a-year thing, and how I felt I should be taken more seriously because I was much more informed than your average ttc-er, she basically shushed me and said that it was really about insurance and what they would cover.

I'm not champing at the bit to have invasive/intensive stuff like laparoscopy or get on clomid. I just want an SA and some bloodwork, and I'd like my very smart and experienced obgyn to have the final call on whether it's time to do something like HSG or refer me to an RE -- NOT insurance!

2) WHY am I (someone who will hit -1 and/or -2 for 12 cycles) and a couple that is basically NTNP for a year considered the same???

3) I know I'm not the only person here to google "How long does it take to conceive". I actually made a chart of what I found:

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/fg/7anave1lll1u.png

This tells me that depending on the study, there's not much of a bump in likelihood of conceiving between 6 months and 12 months. Plus we have this study staring us in the face, basically the longer you try to conceive the less likely you will conceive in the next cycle: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/08/predict-odds-of-getting-pregnant_n_1948517.html. PPs have posted compelling citations for seeking help after 6 months of well-timed sex (@micshi , @furbabymom2007 , @rosenyc123 I totally agree that is a specious argument!).

Three weeks until I see my obgyn. And yes I am bringing up all these points.

tldr: I understand that impatience =/= infertility, but based on the evidence at hand I believe there is a point between 6 and 12 cycles of well-timed intercourse where it's okay, and should be accepted as okay, to start asking questions and start on non-invasive tests (if you and your doctor so choose).

EML2011 · February 2016

After reading the other UO's I have 2:

1. I don't believe John Kasich is moderate at all. His attempts to defund planned parenthood and overturn Roe Vs. Wade are very far right (as far as I'm concerned). I do agree, however, that compared to the other republican candidates he does seem to be moderate. But now that I've typed this out I'm realizing that I have 0 desire to get into a political argument on here...

2. I don't like it when people type "all the things" or "everything" in the WAYDTGKU section of the WTO threads. I don't want to get into a pain Olympics, but HIO and tempting isn't exactly doing everything possible to get pregnant... I smirk anytime people write HIO or BD there... because ummmm duh? Of course IUI or IVF should be specified, but not having sex. I get not wanting to type out everything day after day so typing "all the things" just seems easier, but some things can probably be left out (like... please let me know how taking a PNV will get you pregnant?)

irohspupil · February 2016

Lulucooks said:

The recommendations for when to see an RE are there as a general guideline. It won't be for everyone, but rather for the individual who sees a shift every month, has no other issues, and is under 35. If you are having extremely painful periods, even if not TTC, you should see your doctor. If you go 6 months and never see evidence of ovulation, go to the doctor. But if it's been 4 months and you just don't want to wait anymore but are seeing ovulation, have no reason to think there's something wrong, it's unreasonable to go to an RE. Impatience =/= infertility And just because you saw an RE before 12 months and your insurance covered it, doesn't mean it's the right advice or even a possible course of action for everyone.

I think after 6 (ovulating) cycles of well-timed sex it's a good idea to *at least* get a SA. One could have been having sex every day (-5 to ovulation) without knowing that was possibly hurting their chances of conception because of less than optimal sperm. If the SA is telling, the couple would at least know to try having sex every other day (and for SO to not masturbate beforehand) until ovulation.
No, I don't think anyone should ever jump the gun to clomid after 6 cycles. But why not a SA??

m6agua · February 2016

EML2011 said:
2. I don't like it when people type "all the things" or "everything" in the WAYDTGKU section of the WTO threads.

I wouldn't be sad if that section just went away. For me at least I am not really doing anything out of the usual stuff most ladies here are doing.

irohspupil · February 2016

TW: death

My UO (and I'm sure this makes me a huge bitch), but I don't understand the point of grieving on social media. I mean, it's interesting in terms of rhetorical analysis and everything, but why would you want all these people to see how hurt you are?? It's a very private thing to me. I don't think it's AW at all... Just strange that many people do this now. I even wrote on a high school friend of mine's wall who died in a car wreck to say good bye. Why'd I do it? I don't know but I always regret it the second I do it.

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