All things In-Laws

tJaffe · February 2016

Has anyone had an "in-law" become rude about you having a baby?

My DH has a "second family" that see him as a son (his best friend, who was their son, passed away in a car accident when they were 20). They have him in their will, helped with the catering at our wedding, etc...

Anyway, according to the mom we should have waited to have children until DH's business is more successful... Mind you, we're both 30, I'm a teacher and his business is commercial fishing and there are never any guarantees. My income is stable and provides us with good health insurance.

The last time we saw them, she was pretty rude about our baby, it was a somewhat crazy conversation... Everything costs astronomically more in the Keys, houses are completely unaffordable to middle class, etc... We were talking about moving back to our hometown which would mean that my DH would have to give up commercial fishing on a large scale... But we'd be able to purchase a home, have affordable child care, family close by, etc.

The mom of the second family was completely appalled at the idea. Stating that he's worked too hard to build his business (3 years) and I should give up my career of teaching (6 years) to waitress to save money on childcare... Basically the exact opposite of what is going to happen.

I'm trying to stay positive about them visiting after he arrives but I'm dreading it. I just hope that she listened when I said I wanted to space out visitors, not have everyone showing up at once.

BearBow · February 2016

My boyfriend and I have completely cut off his mother. She's the type of person to blame everyone else for not helping her pay for her bills and doing what she wants when she wants. I can usually ignore it but she crossed the line when she threaten to "kick my ass" when I told her she will never be alone with our son when he's born because of her drinking everyday all day. She continues to text/call my boyfriend harassing him, saying she hopes we're happy, no one cares about her, she's losing everything she owns etc. Now she's trying to say she's going to be there for his birth and "No one will stop her or she will stab someone!". Yeah.. Good luck getting past security at the hospital because they are already notified (I have family who work there).

CalebsHabibi · February 2016

@tJaffe It sounds like she might be upset to lose DH if yall were to move (like you said he's practically her son). How far are the Keys from her?

bdanks · February 2016

ecswim2fast said:

So, I was at my in laws having lunch with DH and DS and I mentioned that maybe the baby will decide to make his entrance on Easter since that's 4 days before my due date. My MIL the looks at me with a deer-in-headlights looks and says, they are going to be in Florida (we live in NC) for Easter. Seriously? My MIL is a teacher, so of course she would possibly plan something around Easter since its her spring break, but they've known my due date since Aug. and it hasn't changed. So my in laws plan a trip to somewhere 12 hrs away, the WEEK of my due date. Needless to say I was upset and in response my MIL responds with, well if he comes I guess week just have to see him when we get back. Seriously? I just can't. For my first baby, their first grandchild, labor was 23 hrs and they sat at the hospital until he was born. They saw him at 2am, after a 23 hr labor. But with this one, my second child, their second grandchild, they planned a trip out of town! Granted I don't think that they were putting two and two together when they planned this trip, but still you know my due date, then plan a trip for the last week in March, when I'm due. SERIOUSLY! Uggggg!

I understand what you are probably feeling. This is SO's parent's 3rd grandchild. He was told a long time ago that he would probably not be able to have kids. This baby was a big surprise and his stepdad is still (at 34 weeks) "not sure" if this is SO's kid. Fair enough whatever. But I'm worried they will not connect with DS as well as they have SO's nephew. He also has a niece that is definitely not as favored as nephew. And his step dad has already said he will not be able to connect with DS until he knows for sure he is SO's. His mom is thrilled though which makes me happy, she is glad he is finally having a kid. LOL! My parents are ecstatic this is my mom's 2nd grandchild (first was born Dec 20th) and my dad's 1st. I'm sorry that must be very very frustrating for you!

tJaffe · February 2016

CalebsHabibi said:

@tJaffe It sounds like she might be upset to lose DH if yall were to move (like you said he's practically her son). How far are the Keys from her?

We'd be moving back to where they live! Our families all live within 30 min of each other. We live 6 hrs from everyone currently.

CalebsHabibi · February 2016

tJaffe said:

CalebsHabibi said:

@tJaffe It sounds like she might be upset to lose DH if yall were to move (like you said he's practically her son). How far are the Keys from her?

We'd be moving back to where they live! Our families all live within 30 min of each other. We live 6 hrs from everyone currently.

Haha, well, beats me! Seems like she'd be happier.

Sconesy..Cider · February 2016

My SIL is throwing me a "surprise" shower at the end of this month (I'll be 37 weeks). MIL told me yesterday because she thought she'd need some addresses.
I'm going with the flow by pretending I have no idea, but I am a little uncomfortable. SIL is not stellar with money, and I wish she'd use what she has for her family's needs. (But she's a grown woman who can make her own decisions.) I don't even need much because folks have been generous with the hand-me-downs. Just venting these feelings to get them out so I can act natural and comfortable in 2 weeks.

ecswim2fast · February 2016

@bdanks yes! Very frustrating and I'm sorry you're going through something similar. I would have lost it if someone inferred the baby wasn't my husband's! I've somewhat come to terms with it and just accept it as it's their decision, so I can't spend time stressing when its not in my control. I still don't understand why they still haven't addressed the issue and at least expressed regret that they may or not be there for the birth. Oh well. Good luck to you and your little one!

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