Nights are so hard for me because I am alone with my one week old baby...Not hard for reasons you'd think though...
After a feeding during the night I find myself staring at him... Then sometimes I can't help but cry because I am so overwhelmed with joy.. In my mind I am the luckiest person alive to have this little baby. But then... After the initial tears I have because I am so filled with overwhelming love... a tiny bit of sadness comes over me because I realize I have become afraid of so much. I moved back in with my parents during this time for extra help (father isn't involved with the baby) and I am unemployed at the moment (my job was an hour + away and I just could not take the thought of being that far away from my newborn.. Luckily I have a great support system which is helping me out for a bit while I get use to this new lifestyle as a mother )... So, I have been sad and overwhelmed about finding a new job closer to me... I get tugging thoughts that I need to go back in the workforce so I can provide for my baby better financially but then I get sad about the thought of leaving him. And then even though his grandparents are great and love us being here, I can't help but feel emotional that... I am 25! Shouldn't be living with my parents, let alone unemployed and living with my parents. Ugh.. I don't know.. I am Just overwhelmed with so many emotions I never in my life imagined I would ever experience. What about you guys? How are you all holding up in the emotions department?
Re: Emotional after baby. How are you guys?
Don't be ashamed about living with your parents. 25 is still really young and lots of 25 year olds live at home without a child to take care. If my husband allowed it, I would gladly live with my mom now and I'm in my 30s. I don't think there is anything weird about you living with them. I think it's great for your baby - more people to interact and play with and be loved by.
As for not having a job, can you dedicate one hour of baby's naps per day to job searching - that might help you feel a little more proactive and in control. Today especially there are so many jobs with flexible schedules. It sounds like you want to work and will feel good from working (this is how I feel and I went back to my job part-time at week 4 and it helped me feel so much better).
Thanks everyone! It's nice to know the feelings I have are normal.