@PrimRoseMama Congratulations!!! I hadn't heard about your BFP! Oh with you in October I will definitely be lurking there! TTGP girls know how to BUMP!
I truly believe that you can do whatever you want.I'm not having an actual shower but I am having a social gathering for ME and I want it to be elegant. I'm going to plan it myself because I want to. This is your baby and your life. Is it a little mean the way you feel, I guess. But you are entitled to your feelings. This is something you will look back on and you should remember it as a pleasant event. My friends said they still want to bring a gift to my gathering but that's their choice. I want it to be a certain way so I am extremely involved with it! Hire your professional, According to these thread you will never get to do this again because apparently a shower for baby 2 is tacky. Don't ask permission for what you want!
Yes, you can do what you want but if it's at the expense of another, you may find yourself looking back to your selfishness as an explanation for why your relationship fell apart.
@PrimRoseMama Congratulations!!! I hadn't heard about your BFP! Oh with you in October I will definitely be lurking there! TTGP girls know how to BUMP!
Previous posters have been far too kind to you. You are acting like a grade A snooty, stuck-up, spoiled, entitled, brat. I would be ashamed of you if you were my sister. I would offer to throw you a shower and you would hire a professional because I'm an effing "amateur" and would screw it up so bad that it would ruin your experience? It's a mother effin BABY SHOWER. Eat some cake, open some gifts and be happy.
Take a seat, lady. I don't care if you're a single mom, HG, SPD, whatever that doesn't entitle you to an upscale high-class baby shower because you've had a hard time. I hope you learn to be gracious and appreciative of what if gifted to you so your child can learn humility and respect. I'm sure your family is side the shit out of you for acting like you're so much better than them.
I hope everyone wear crocs, jean cut off shorts, and tie dye shirts to your shower. Cheers.
I love you. And that last sentence.
I honestly have nothing to contribute (that hasn't already been said)...but this:
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
It's a freaking baby shower, not a wedding. If you can't deal with not getting it 100% your way then kids are going to be quite a shock. The concept of a "dream shower" also baffles me. Have some cake, open presents and play ridiculous baby themed games and then move along. Your baby shower shouldn't be a critical moment in your life.
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
Yes, they certainly don't care enough about her feelings! Alllll they want to do is shower her with presents!! SO rude.
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
I truly believe that you can do whatever you want.I'm not having an actual shower but I am having a social gathering for ME and I want it to be elegant. I'm going to plan it myself because I want to. This is your baby and your life. Is it a little mean the way you feel, I guess. But you are entitled to your feelings. This is something you will look back on and you should remember it as a pleasant event. My friends said they still want to bring a gift to my gathering but that's their choice. I want it to be a certain way so I am extremely involved with it! Hire your professional, According to these thread you will never get to do this again because apparently a shower for baby 2 is tacky. Don't ask permission for what you want!
I don't feel my daughter move that much in the womb (anterior placenta and all that) but she rolled her eyes so hard while I was reading this that I felt it..
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
OP never said anything about her sister not caring about her feelings. All she did was complain about how her sister is incapable of meeting her expectations. How does that make her sister selfish?
I truly believe that you can do whatever you want.I'm not having an actual shower but I am having a social gathering for ME and I want it to be elegant. I'm going to plan it myself because I want to. This is your baby and your life. Is it a little mean the way you feel, I guess. But you are entitled to your feelings. This is something you will look back on and you should remember it as a pleasant event. My friends said they still want to bring a gift to my gathering but that's their choice. I want it to be a certain way so I am extremely involved with it! Hire your professional, According to these thread you will never get to do this again because apparently a shower for baby 2 is tacky. Don't ask permission for what you want!
I am just baffled why this generation cannot allow someone else to throw a party for them? Are we so incredibly self-involved and type A that we HAVE to have things our way all the time? Can we not just appreciate the generosity of a friend without being all "me me me, Its what I want" about it? I'm seriously seeing this type of sentiment more often and its really disheartening.
Personally some of the best things I have seen were surprises to me that I would have never thought of.
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
.....what?! This is a classless attitude. Look. A baby shower is offered and thrown as a gift. As in, it is voluntarily offered. As a recipient of said gift, one is not entitled to stomp around demanding how that gift is rendered.
To assert the idea that OP's sister and mother don't care about her feelings based on OP's story is frankly ludicrous.
I would sincerely hope you would not respond in such a petulant, ungrateful manner to a family member that offers to gift you a party to honor you and your baby.
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
Damn. Just when I thought this thread couldn't irritate me anymore...
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
Wait, what? I would highly doubt that the people who are taking time to plan, spend their money and do something considerate for the mother-to-be "don't care about her feeling". Do you hear yourself? If no one cared about the MTB (OP)'s feelings she wouldn't be offered a shower at all. Supporting a MTB does not mean catering to her every whim to have a pretty-pretty-princess shower that costs the equivalent of a wedding. They are doing something NICE for you and you are turning it into a giant temper tantrum. I sure hope they don't read this at any point or even get the hot seat from you about what they chose for you. Its an awful feeling to do your very best and have someone basically treat it as less than when you were just trying to do something considerate for them.
What exactly have you said to your sisters? If you speak to them like you speak to us then I can bet they are probably looking for ways to get out of hosting so that they don't have to deal with this. I wouldn't want to host given the tone of your posts. If you come across this way to strangers, oh my goodness, it must be really really awkward and/or upsetting in person.
I think the notion of a "dream shower" is amazingly first world problem-ish. Its a little party with cake and games. Its does NOT have to be this huge event and if you are expecting that then I sure hope you are forking over the money to your sisters so that they can deal with it. I have a feeling you'll end up throwing your own and mercifully your sisters will just have to slap a smile on and drink the good alcohol.
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
Damn. Just when I thought this thread couldn't irritate me anymore...
Right? I picked a bad time to take a nap. Maybe we should share some popcorn?
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
I am eye rolling so hard right now. They don't care about her feelings? How do you figure? It's not her sister that's being selfish...it's her. They OFFERED to throw a baby shower for her, and she doesn't think they are capable of hosting a shower that meets her "expectations". I am genuinely shocked at the thought process of some people.
Sister did ask for input on shower theme but then wanted the rest to be a surprise - or just wanted to handle herself.
A baby shower is not worth ruining a sister-hood over and it's up to the MTB to be tactful in her approach with Sister so as to not hurt feelings in rejecting a gift and kind gesture while also sending the message - you're not doing enough. The OP may remember this shower forever, so too will the sister forever remember how she was treated and disregarded.
How sweet that a young 20-something sister wants to take this on for her older sister. If she made a crooked-homemade cake, googled baby shower games, sent out invites and had the party in her studio apartment, she has come from a place of love, for which the recipient ought to feel in all the same places of her heart as if the event had been thrown to a professional degree.
It has to be said.... @CupcakesRamazing we're so happy to have you back!
I can't even directly comment on the shit being spewed...some ladies need to learn to be more grateful that they're surrounded by people who want to shower them with love, rather than complain because it won't be "good enough." Some people aren't so lucky. Have some damn perspective.
I truly believe that you can do whatever you want.I'm not having an actual shower but I am having a social gathering for ME and I want it to be elegant. I'm going to plan it myself because I want to. This is your baby and your life. Is it a little mean the way you feel, I guess. But you are entitled to your feelings. This is something you will look back on and you should remember it as a pleasant event. My friends said they still want to bring a gift to my gathering but that's their choice. I want it to be a certain way so I am extremely involved with it! Hire your professional, According to these thread you will never get to do this again because apparently a shower for baby 2 is tacky. Don't ask permission for what you want!
(Trapped in the quote box)
Just because you have feelings, does not mean those feelings are legitimate or morally acceptable. The first step in becoming a better person is recognizing when your feelings are inappropriate and then working to a) make sure that you do not act on inappropriate emotions and b) work on bettering your emotional responses to things. Is this hard? Sure. For most of us it's a lifelong work in progress. But I don't know where this idea that all feelings are legitimate and acceptable came from. To quote C.S. Lewis: "It's all in [Aristotle], all in [Aristotle]. Bless me, what do they teach them at these schools?"
@SoEnamored they shouldnt be looking at this shower as their big party. They should take what she wants into consideration. They don't care about her feelings. When this baby gets here, everything is going to be about the baby. She should get to have her dream shower and they should support that. This isn't about their feelings and I would make that abundantly clear to them. If my sister let's this ruin our relationship, that's on her. Personally, my sister wouldn't be so selfish. My sisters care about my vision, especially since this is my first baby.
(Trapped again)
Just because someone is the guest of honor does not mean their feelings are the only ones that matter. This is like Bridezillas, but for baby showers. The feelings of others matter and how we treat others is critically important. Just because you are having a baby and are justifiable excited, this does not give you a license to treat others like they are beneath you or ignore their basic desires and feelings. Where is the gratitude and humility?
So, maybe I shouldn't... but I want to add that I find it quite contradictory that OP is also the one the started the "Minimalist Moms" discussion a while back.
I knew someone would mention that . My registry is only necessities, I don't even want clothes because they are all second hand. However, I want a nice party. I like celebrations that are fun and memorable, what's wrong with that. I know I am complex.
Actually you don't sound complex. You sounds like the definition of basic
Op comes off as entitled and honestly a bit of a snob apparently having the people you love plan a get together isn't enough for her. Honestly it makes me sad because that means she doesn't care enough about them and too much about her own desires.
A shower put together with love and care is memorable and if that's not enough then OP you have a seriously screwed up priorities!
Also down with all white knights! June ladies we have a couple white knights that could be taken down too if you want
You're so busy trying to plan this amazing "upscale" event that you've missed the whole point of what the baby shower is supposed to be about. My sister threw me the cutest baby shower for my son. While I loved the cute decorations and the theme she chose, what I remember most was having all the ladies close to me welcome into motherhood, sharing advice and stories. This could have been a great time for you and your sister; Instead you've tainted all the nice thoughts and intentions your sister had for you because it just wasn't good enough for your "classy taste." It's time to reflect on your priorities and what's really important and I can guarantee its not a party! I'm really just sad for you and your family.
My in-laws paid for my husband and I's plane tickets to fly home next weekend for the baby shower and are throwing it so I've been keeping my mouth totally shut. I did initially feel anxiety when I saw the e-vites my MIL sent out and it was mostly family friends I had never heard of before and a lot more people than I imagined. I got over that in a day though and like my husband said more the merrier! The fact people who have never met me would even want to come celebrate and spend their hard earned money on gifts for my baby is incredibly kind. She also is making it more into an appetizer night with no games so that men will feel more comfortable being there. I would have loved to have it a little more traditional and play some games but who cares! I can understand having an idea in your head but at the end of the day risking ruining a relationship with a loved one isn't worth getting your own way.
I can't help but think of the shows "Sweet 16" and "Bridezilla" when reading this thread. Holy entitlement. Maybe name the show "Baby Shower B.." Nevermind.
Married July 2014 DD born June 2016 Second due August 2020 (team green!)
I think a shower is a shower who cares how it's thrown? As long as guests show up and food is there does anything else really matter?? Mine was a beautiful June day while I was 8.5 months pregnant in my mom GARAGE! I loved it! We had a BBQ like setting! Lots of people came and was super thankful for everything my mom, SIL and aunt did for me and it hardly cost them anything! Don't be greedy take what you get and enjoy your pregnancy. Also you don't want to burn bridges over a baby shower!
Op comes off as entitled and honestly a bit of a snob apparently having the people you love plan a get together isn't enough for her. Honestly it makes me sad because that means she doesn't care enough about them and too much about her own desires.
A shower put together with love and care is memorable and if that's not enough then OP you have a seriously screwed up priorities!
Also down with all white knights! June ladies we have a couple white knights that could be taken down too if you want
Yes. Exactly. The word that came to mind as I read through this mess was entitled. It's unfortunate really...
OP, you want a nice shower, I get that. But my biggest problem is then WHY did you agree to let your sister throw it in the first place, knowing she wasn't up for the job? If you had communicated to her when she first approached you about how you'd like her, if she still wanted to do it, to coordinate with a professional that you were willing to pay for, her feelings perhaps would not have been hurt, and you perhaps would be able to enjoy some peace-of-mind.
IDK if you'll ever see any of this, or what you're planning on doing now that your sister quit, but best of luck.
I am looking forward to my shower and I know exactly what I want too; a wonderful day, surrounded by the women I love, celebrating motherhood and the life I'm growing in my body. I know my mother and best friend are going to throw it and my only input is that I want it on a sunday, and to make sure it doesn't overlap with my friends bridal shower and bachelorette weekend. Noting else really matters. Oh, wait, cake, my fat pregnant ass wants cake! With that said, I can't even believe what OP says. I really don't even have words for it. I can understand having some input on your own baby shower, but hiring an event planner, after several people offered to throw you a shower, because you don't think your sister can throw you a fancy enough shower is beyond wrong. I don't even know what to say. Eye roll isn't even the word! I'm actually speechless. Also, it appears OP is long gone.
Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...
There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.
Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.
No one said having a taste for nice things is a negative thing. I appreciate nice things, too. The issue is that you hired a party planner for your shower your sister offered to throw (aka gift!) you because you didn't think she would plan the upscale event you envisioned.
So let me clarify (because I am learning the baby shower protocol only from reading lots of Bump posts), when you find our your pregnant, you should have no vision or desire for what type of baby shower you would want? When I planned my best friends', I gave her exactly what she wanted, because it was a gift for her and I wanted her to have the best time and have the best memories. After all, it's her having the baby, at that time I had never had any and I knew she was going through a lot.
I don't understand what's wrong with having a desire for the type of baby shower you would want. I guess, I have been looking at it as just a nice party to celebrate the milestone in your life. With nice gifts of things you will need.
Well this has been entertaining.
OP, maybe if you treated your mom and sister with love, respect and gratitude they would understand "you're vision".
My mom and sister and hosting my shower and I know it will be great because a) they know my taste b) my biggest concern was finding a date when my family & friends could be there - not an upscale venue and c) I'm not acting like a spoiled b*tch so they won't sabotage my shower.
You seriously need some gratitude and perspective.
I work in the events industry and honestly I am honored that my little sister (26 yrs old) is excited and so hands on planning my shower. It's should be a loving get together not a show off of who has a better planner than who. I personally think you are being uptight ungrateful... but hope you can relax and enjoy your shower no matter how fancy of an event
I wonder if OP has the past name of Kardashian /West/Jenner/Lamar, because that is what it sounds like. Who seriously needs a professional baby shower?
I find it tacky as heck that you are willing to hurt your family's generosity to help your 'vision '. Plus I thought your 'vision ' and you having your way is only for your wedding.
Seems like there's a recurring theme to all the answers...
There definitely is . This is definitely not the place to advertise your baby shower event planning services, LOL.
Unfortunately, I am not that laid back, low key type of person like most women are. I do like upscale, high class things in my life, I don't think there is anything wrong with that personally, because we are all created differently. So I like stilettos during the week and high rise apartments. My family knows that about me and my baby shower, yes I want it to be nice, not bank breaking of course, nothing unreasonable, but still really nice.
Lurker here...
Anyone else love the irony that she loves high class things and yet is totally classless?
This thread is exactly why etiquette is so important, everything is not always about how you feel and what you want.
DS1: 8/3/10, DD1: 8/17/13, DD2: 8/13/15
Twins lost to due to partial molar pregnancy: September 2011
Re: Baby shower Drama
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Yes, you can do what you want but if it's at the expense of another, you may find yourself looking back to your selfishness as an explanation for why your relationship fell apart.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
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DD1 born 11/2014
DD2 born 6/2016
To assert the idea that OP's sister and mother don't care about her feelings based on OP's story is frankly ludicrous.
I would sincerely hope you would not respond in such a petulant, ungrateful manner to a family member that offers to gift you a party to honor you and your baby.
DD1 born 11/2014
DD2 born 6/2016
Damn. Just when I thought this thread couldn't irritate me anymore...
What exactly have you said to your sisters? If you speak to them like you speak to us then I can bet they are probably looking for ways to get out of hosting so that they don't have to deal with this. I wouldn't want to host given the tone of your posts. If you come across this way to strangers, oh my goodness, it must be really really awkward and/or upsetting in person.
I think the notion of a "dream shower" is amazingly first world problem-ish. Its a little party with cake and games. Its does NOT have to be this huge event and if you are expecting that then I sure hope you are forking over the money to your sisters so that they can deal with it. I have a feeling you'll end up throwing your own and mercifully your sisters will just have to slap a smile on and drink the good alcohol.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
This thread is gross.
A baby shower is not worth ruining a sister-hood over and it's up to the MTB to be tactful in her approach with Sister so as to not hurt feelings in rejecting a gift and kind gesture while also sending the message - you're not doing enough. The OP may remember this shower forever, so too will the sister forever remember how she was treated and disregarded.
How sweet that a young 20-something sister wants to take this on for her older sister. If she made a crooked-homemade cake, googled baby shower games, sent out invites and had the party in her studio apartment, she has come from a place of love, for which the recipient ought to feel in all the same places of her heart as if the event had been thrown to a professional degree.
I can't even directly comment on the shit being spewed...some ladies need to learn to be more grateful that they're surrounded by people who want to shower them with love, rather than complain because it won't be "good enough." Some people aren't so lucky. Have some damn perspective.
SaveSave
lurking from July. Had to take that softball
Oh June I am so proud of the gifs and snark here!
Op comes off as entitled and honestly a bit of a snob apparently having the people you love plan a get together isn't enough for her. Honestly it makes me sad because that means she doesn't care enough about them and too much about her own desires.
A shower put together with love and care is
memorable and if that's not enough then OP you have a seriously screwed up priorities!
Also down with all white knights! June ladies we have a couple white knights that could be taken down too if you want
DD born June 2016
Second due August 2020 (team green!)
IDK if you'll ever see any of this, or what you're planning on doing now that your sister quit, but best of luck.
I know my mother and best friend are going to throw it and my only input is that I want it on a sunday, and to make sure it doesn't overlap with my friends bridal shower and bachelorette weekend. Noting else really matters. Oh, wait, cake, my fat pregnant ass wants cake!
With that said, I can't even believe what OP says. I really don't even have words for it. I can understand having some input on your own baby shower, but hiring an event planner, after several people offered to throw you a shower, because you don't think your sister can throw you a fancy enough shower is beyond wrong. I don't even know what to say. Eye roll isn't even the word! I'm actually speechless.
Also, it appears OP is long gone.
Well this has been entertaining.
OP, maybe if you treated your mom and sister with love, respect and gratitude they would understand "you're vision".
My mom and sister and hosting my shower and I know it will be great because a) they know my taste b) my biggest concern was finding a date when my family & friends could be there - not an upscale venue and c) I'm not acting like a spoiled b*tch so they won't sabotage my shower.
You seriously need some gratitude and perspective.
Baby #2 Due 3/7/20
I find it tacky as heck that you are willing to hurt your family's generosity to help your 'vision '. Plus I thought your 'vision ' and you having your way is only for your wedding.
Anyone else love the irony that she loves high class things and yet is totally classless?
This thread is exactly why etiquette is so important, everything is not always about how you feel and what you want.