I'm new to all of this. I'm having baby number 4 and have never been part of any forums. I guess it was more comfortable lurking for a few weeks before i started commenting.
I hope this post doesn't discourage anyone from posting. Anyone who is in the "lurking" category, for whatever reason, please do not feel excluded. You are all welcome to continue to lurk and post when you're ready/comfortable.
I'm a little busier this time than in A15 as I now have an almost 11 month old and work 12 hour shifts. Lurkers were discouraged once they decided that their only contribution was to WK an obvious troll when we were being "internet bullies".
I also don't have as many questions this time since DS is still so fresh.
I was part of a15 too. I had to change my account info this time around as I got locked out of my old one for some reason. A15 had so many trolls. Although I posted a few times I was mostly a lurker after not participating in a while!
I think the biggest problem with lurkers is when they come in for a hot second and then leave. This early on, there are going to be lurkers. I lurked for a month or 2 on D14 before really getting active. When August comes, you haven't been active and post a picture asking if this is your mucous plug*, don't expect a warm welcome. *actual real life story from D14. Multiple times.
I'm all for lurkers - 1) because we can't really control who lurks and who posts and 2) sometime *dirty lurkers* pop in with wonderful answers, perspectives and insights that aren't always discussed on the board, and I appreciate that!
I don't always understand why someone would want to just read rather than be involved and post, but to each their own!
I lurk a lot, post once in a while. Sometimes I'm just interested in what other are going through, am I feeling the same way, yada yada, but I don't have anything really to say. I had more questions/concerns with my first O12, so I was definitely more active back then. This time around I try to Bump during work and it's super hard to stay focused at work, so I only pop on occasionally.
Yeah, I was going to say October 13 was the Wolfpack. I was part of the board, but not the Wolfpack. From what I can remember, I feel like this board is nothing like October 13.
For what it's worth, I feel like I'm somewhere in between. I comment/reply but rarely start new discussions. Lurkers don't really bother me. However, I do think people should read the pinned posts before jumping in.
Agreed @LizC216, I was not part of the Wolfpack and so far this board feels more safe and positive.
Just to be more clear my definition of lurkers from my previous experience here was people dropping in out of no where to create controversy then leaving. Or Moms from boards months ahead dropping in and throwing advice at us for no reason.
I didn't mean any disrespect to any loss moms, those straddling months or any other reason like that.
With DD, I participated on my BMB, but lurked on other BMBs. Sometimes it was to read birth stories from those further along than me, sometimes I'd go to the boards just getting their BFP to read about their excitement, sometimes I'd just be following drama. I never posted on any of those boards, though. There is a dynamic with established BMBs, and I felt like I'd be an outsider intruding in if I popped in with my advice or opinion.
That said, I don't mind when a lurker has something to participate to a topic. Even if it's not good advice/a good perspective, it can still lead to interesting conversations.
I lurk everywhere as well on the bump. I started out in early November on the TTGP board and seen some cut-throat responses get thrown around there. I also lurk but haven't responded in August16 board. I am due so early in September I wouldn't be surprised if Baby Chilly comes on my birthday August 25!
My problem with lurkers are the ones who post things that aren't contributing, like to flame someone's opinion or to make comments on things simply to start drama or because they were offended. It is our BMB and the BMB for those who are due end Aug and beginning Oct, since they could fall in Sept. Anyone who has good advice or support to offer is fine by me but people who bring negativity aren't welcome in my opinion. Not that we can really stop them, but I can feel a certain way, I suppose.
I'm new to the Bump, as this is my first pregnancy, so I'm still getting used to the acronyms and overall "rules," I guess. I've seen a few people get scolded for insensitive posts, so at this point, it's more comfortable to lurk than to jump right in.
Reading this thread indicates that some boards tend to get cliquey. Hopefully that's not the case here. Even 6 months or a year down the road, if someone joins late, I hope they'd feel welcomed.
I could care less. Why would it really matter who communicates where? We are going through similar experiences at different times and it's nice to get input from all angles.
I feel like I have been lurking and am much less active in this board than I was in N13, but then again, I wasn't working during my first pregnancy and could literally sit around and chat with the other ladies. Now, I have a 2 year old and a full time job, so it's so much more difficult to keep up.
Anyone who doesn't like trolls, flames, dirty lurkers, randoms, etc- you need to remember this is the Internet and not real life. That's why people will post what some may find weird, offensive or unconventional (mucous plug ewww!). If you can accept things aren't going to be normal here, I think you'll be just fine. I actually rarely lurked on my BMB and by the time I wanted to participate, it had moved to secret FB group which was actually better for me. While I can tell there are some tight bonds there, it's still cool to have spent the last 4yrs with those ladies. N10- old school bump!
I'm an August 16 member but I've been lurking on your lovely board for a little while because my due date is late in August and many of the people in A16 are way ahead of me in their pregnancies. Plus this is my first baby, and my mom delivered me two weeks late, so in my head I've kind of been assuming this baby will come in September. Also you guys are fun.
If someone from late August or early October wants to lurk and post and participate I don't care at all. To me they are more than welcome
I am due September 1st, but never really even lurk in August. It does me good to be at least as far ahead of most people, what with all the stress of my previous loss and infertility I would not like it to be surrounded buy women all weeks ahead of me.
35 years old, TTC #1 Dec 28, 2011 PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
First IVF cycle June 5th 2015 --- BFP Miscarriage at 8 weeks
FET December 15th 2015--- BFP! First saw at 6w4d It's a boy!
Luciano Alessandro Maximiliano was born on September 3rd 2016
I feel like I'm between lurker and poster. I have to admit though I'm afraid to post....some people are vicious. I'm trying to stay positive and have fun, Enjoy this season of life and learn some valuable information from those that have experienced pregnancy before and those going through it for the first time. Maybe I'll get braver as time goes on. We'll see. Happy saturday!!
I was a big participant in the TTC boards and life has been super busy for me since we got our BFP, so I have minimal time to be on here. I don't think there is anything wrong with lurkers who are from other month boards or anything as long as they have positive things to say. Pretty much anybody really.
I also agree with some of the previous posters that the lurking is going to happen and there isn't really much we can do about it.
I don't have a problem with lurkers, especially since there's so many reasons why someone might want to read and not post. They're not hurting anyone (unless they're the type to only post when they have something nasty to say or to stir up trouble and then disappear again). I do wish we could get to know and support them, just because we're all in this together, but whether they choose to post or not is their choice to make.
I was absent for a couple weeks there because I was just too lazy and not feeling well enough to make the trek down to our basement where the computers are (and posting from my tablet or phone is a nightmare). I'm back now, but I don't feel the need to post in every thread and that's okay with me. I post where I feel it's relevant and don't where I don't.
If people want to consider me a lurker for that, then I really don't care. I would like to be considered a part of the community and our BMB, but I don't always have something to say about every subject that comes up. It's not me being antisocial or unhelpful. Just that I don't have an opinion or input when it comes to everything.
I am wondering if I ought to consider lurking over on the August board since, being pregnant with twins, I'm likely to deliver in August rather than the beginning of September, but I tend to be shy about "meeting" new people and introducing myself to an established group, plus, being 10 weeks along, I feel like I'd be crashing the party by showing up all of a sudden.
I don't have a big opinion on lurkers because I've been the opposite.. Just recently jumping in without lurking beforehand because that's NMS.
But wow a lot of S13! I started out there but had to bow out Now I'm in J(an)14, and several names are looking familiar here either from one of those or maybe baby name board. Excited for us all! Seems like a good group so far.
It's the internet. There are who knows how many lurkers here all the time. Doesn't bother me.
During my last pregnancy a tight group of us formed our own off-board, and now a lot of us are friends on Facebook. I think little groups are bound to happen, especially if you're super active on the board. It seems like the bump has cracked down on the trolls and drama though (bummer, haha) so it's not nearly as ... uh ... lively as it used to be.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
*lurking from July* Hi! This is a public forum and the culture on TB is such that you'll probably get lots of pop in "lurkers" from other BMBs. Also feel free to lurk/ drop in on others- there's a lot of support, info, and entertainment to go around. We July girls are pretty active so just wanted to introduce myself now because you'll probably be seeing me around!
*lurking as well;)* I don't get the hate for other bmb's popping in to add advice or answer questions if they have experience or advice and to the person who said because infertility and loss you don't want to be surrounded by people in all weeks this doesn't make any sense ! Wouldn't you want to hear from people in very similar situations that they have made it through and so can you!
@Lindsayleigh1989 Who said they hated others popping in to answer questions? I think the general consensus is don't lurk and simply "pop" in to be rude and leave.
*lurking as well;)* I don't get the hate for other bmb's popping in to add advice or answer questions if they have experience or advice and to the person who said because infertility and loss you don't want to be surrounded by people in all weeks this doesn't make any sense ! Wouldn't you want to hear from people in very similar situations that they have made it through and so can you!
You don't get to tell me what does and does not make sense to me. I don't mind lurkers and I don't mind when them giving advice, but I am comfortable on my own BMB and stated I would personally not want to lurk on a board where everyone else is so far ahead of me because it would make me feel uncomfortable and remind me how fragile this all still feels to me.
Also, on the similar situations to me... I still don't have a healthy take home baby and other people's infertility stories have no bearing on my own, other people success does not influence me. So while it makes me happy to hear them it won't make me feel better. Never tell an infertile person "you will make it through" it is insanely offensive and dismissive of everything I have been through.
And literally no one on this topic said they hate lurkers, the only time people said they don't like it is that when lurkers make comments to start trouble. Like you just did.
Edit: Some good articles to read to avoid being insensitive in the future:
*lurking as well;)* I don't get the hate for other bmb's popping in to add advice or answer questions if they have experience or advice and to the person who said because infertility and loss you don't want to be surrounded by people in all weeks this doesn't make any sense ! Wouldn't you want to hear from people in very similar situations that they have made it through and so can you!
You don't get to tell me what does and does not make sense to me. I don't mind lurkers and I don't mind when them giving advice, but I am comfortable on my own BMB and stated I would personally not want to lurk on a board where everyone else is so far ahead of me because it would make me feel uncomfortable and remind me how fragile this all still feels to me.
Also, on the similar situations to me... I still don't have a healthy take home baby and other people's infertility stories have no bearing on my own, other people success does not influence me. So while it makes me happy to hear them it won't make me feel better. Never tell an infertile person "you will make it through" it is insanely offensive and dismissive of everything I have been through.
And literally no one on this topic said they hate lurkers, the only time people said they don't like it is that when lurkers make comments to start trouble. Like you just did.
Edit: Some good articles to read to avoid being insensitive in the future:
Fun fact I struggled with infertility myself for awhile and walked through it with years with my best friend so I don't need those articles because I personally didn't find my post insensitive but I am sorry that you did. I wasn't telling you how to feel I just said it didn't make sense to me and tried to give you a positive spin to look at it. I personally love to hear success stories and hear that people who also have struggled have made it through for me and her it to focus on the positive and use these as hope and helped me keep anxiety at bay personally
Sorry my post rubbed you the wrong way it was obviously not intended to be hurtful. Perhaps I should not have used the word "hate" but there were some negative comments about lurkers your own stating you didn't really want them around and I was just trying to bring a different perspective about how it can be helpful. Again sorry my post came off as insensitive everyone has their own journey and I'm sorry that this has been yours. But please don't assume that because others have a different perspective they don't know the struggles
@lindsayleigh1989 can we just give you a Perma-troll badge and call it good? There have been other really rude comments made that S16 can do without. I've been letting them slide, but this one def takes the cake. We have a ton of PGAL/TTC moms here and if you stuck around here longer, other than 3 seconds to leave a BS comment, you *might* be more compassionate. No advice needed and no need to share your thoughts on sensitive issues if they're not filtered/considerate. Spread the word...
@lindsayleigh1989 can we just give you a Perma-troll badge and call it good? There have been other really rude comments made that S16 can do without. I've been letting them slide, but this one def takes the cake. We have a ton of PGAL/TTC moms here and if you stuck around here longer, other than 3 seconds to leave a BS comment, you *might* be more compassionate. No advice needed and no need to share your thoughts on sensitive issues if they're not filtered/considerate. Spread the word...
I apologized that my post came off poorly and explained that I also have struggled with infertility I was simply trying to give a positive spin about how having people further along can be a positive as it was for me. Again I'm sorry that my words were not able to convey that and I am not a perma troll again apologize if it appeared that way.
My hope would be that all pgal/ infertility moms accross the boards reach out and support each other and I can see when you can't hear my tone of voice that it could definitely appear that wasn't my intention. I wish nothing for the best for you ladies and just was trying to be positive.
i also apologize if the phrase "make it through" was in senstive to me it has been my mantra to make it through each milestone each week
@Lindsayleigh1989 I get where you're coming from now. I was just annoyed you were seemingly calling our board "anti lurker haters" when it was evident that was NOT the tone of this thread. Nor is it the tone on this board. But thanks for apologizing Your post did stir the pot a bit but hey, we live we learn.
@Lindsayleigh1989 I get where you're coming from now. I was just annoyed you were seemingly calling our board "anti lurker haters" when it was evident that was NOT the tone of this thread. Nor is it the tone on this board. But thanks for apologizing Your post did stir the pot a bit but hey, we live we learn.
Hey thanks girl lesson learned don't bump and cook at the same time better to take time to make sure you say/ get across what you are really trying to say
Fun fact I struggled with infertility myself for awhile and walked through it with years with my best friend so I don't need those articles because I personally didn't find my post insensitive but I am sorry that you did. I wasn't telling you how to feel I just said it didn't make sense to me and tried to give you a positive spin to look at it. I personally love to hear success stories and hear that people who also have struggled have made it through for me and her it to focus on the positive and use these as hope and helped me keep anxiety at bay personally
Sorry my post rubbed you the wrong way it was obviously not intended to be hurtful. Perhaps I should not have used the word "hate" but there were some negative comments about lurkers your own stating you didn't really want them around and I was just trying to bring a different perspective about how it can be helpful. Again sorry my post came off as insensitive everyone has their own journey and I'm sorry that this has been yours. But please don't assume that because others have a different perspective they don't know the struggles
@Lindsayleigh1989 is one of our most supportive and encouraging members and I truly believe her post was misconstrued... she even says that it didn't quite come out the way she had intended and apologized for any of the hurt she caused. I'd urge you to reconsider your stance- the interwebz can be hard to convey context and tone and I don't think she meant this to cause harm but was trying to offer something that helped her deal with her own infertility issues. (We all deal with loss differently and what works for some people wont work for others- I think we all can acknowledge that)
Also, I lurk here and I lurk on a lot of different boards and occasionally post. I personally love when people from different boards pop in on July's board to share their insight. I'll offer this suggestion though if that rubs you the wrong way... if you form a tight knit group with people that post here often and don't want to "deal" with lurkers from other boards or people that are part of this board but rarely/seldomly post... create a private group and invite members that are the most active. The pros are that it's not moderated by the bump gods, you can pick and choose the members, and the risk of stranger danger is a lot less. Just a suggestion
You guys will probably find that when there's a lull in the threads here that you'll cruise around the other months and you may find that you have some knowledge to drop... it's not a bad thing to share your experience that may help someone.
*lurking from July 16* lindsayleigh is our most supportive lady and I don't think she meant any harm. I lurk because I am bored and I know some of my fellow j14ers are here
I'm a little lurky but a lot of it is because: 1) I seem to have a lot of technical difficulties with the boards on my phone app and my coworkers are vultures who would love to see something on my screen suggesting I was PG so they could poach my clients (just kidding! sort of...) 2) the first trimester has not always historically worked out well for me, and 3) short attention span/ pregnancy brain
Is it okay to blame pregnancy brain for things at 9 weeks? Anyway, I have a lot of sympathy for lurkers. I like fun active people, too, and I hope to be one once I can no longer hide my delicate condition at work
@shae86 I'm glad I'm not the only first timer on here, and I lurk a little too, but trying to jump in when and where I can. I haven't had the first OBGYN appointment, and I'm 8w2d, so I'm still nervous. Besides, I'm still learning are there any other first timers out there on our BMB?
@Taymiller !!!!!! I would recognize that fur baby avatar from miles away!!! How ya been momma??? So sad we aren't on the same board this time (and I'm slightly jealous of your July baby to be!) congrats to you stop by and visit with us S16/Jun14 ladies at any time!
Re: Thoughts on lurkers?
DD #1 3/26/13
Mo/Mo twins MMC 3/31/14
DD #2 3/31/15
DD #3 8/25/16
*actual real life story from D14. Multiple times.
I don't always understand why someone would want to just read rather than be involved and post, but to each their own!
Just to be more clear my definition of lurkers from my previous experience here was people dropping in out of no where to create controversy then leaving. Or Moms from boards months ahead dropping in and throwing advice at us for no reason.
I didn't mean any disrespect to any loss moms, those straddling months or any other reason like that.
That said, I don't mind when a lurker has something to participate to a topic. Even if it's not good advice/a good perspective, it can still lead to interesting conversations.
Me:24 ~~~~~ DH:26
High school Sweethearts 03/29/07
Engaged 11/29/2009
Married 09/04/2012
TTC#1-06/01/2015
BFP 12/27/2015 EDD 9/8/2016
It's a BOY!
Reading this thread indicates that some boards tend to get cliquey. Hopefully that's not the case here. Even 6 months or a year down the road, if someone joins late, I hope they'd feel welcomed.
Me: 29, DH: 34
Married: 10/29/09
DD born: 11/30/10
I am due September 1st, but never really even lurk in August. It does me good to be at least as far ahead of most people, what with all the stress of my previous loss and infertility I would not like it to be surrounded buy women all weeks ahead of me.
PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
Miscarriage at 8 weeks
First saw
It's a boy!
I was a big participant in the TTC boards and life has been super busy for me since we got our BFP, so I have minimal time to be on here. I don't think there is anything wrong with lurkers who are from other month boards or anything as long as they have positive things to say. Pretty much anybody really.
I also agree with some of the previous posters that the lurking is going to happen and there isn't really much we can do about it.
I was absent for a couple weeks there because I was just too lazy and not feeling well enough to make the trek down to our basement where the computers are (and posting from my tablet or phone is a nightmare). I'm back now, but I don't feel the need to post in every thread and that's okay with me. I post where I feel it's relevant and don't where I don't.
If people want to consider me a lurker for that, then I really don't care. I would like to be considered a part of the community and our BMB, but I don't always have something to say about every subject that comes up. It's not me being antisocial or unhelpful. Just that I don't have an opinion or input when it comes to everything.
I am wondering if I ought to consider lurking over on the August board since, being pregnant with twins, I'm likely to deliver in August rather than the beginning of September, but I tend to be shy about "meeting" new people and introducing myself to an established group, plus, being 10 weeks along, I feel like I'd be crashing the party by showing up all of a sudden.
● IUI #2: BFP - early M/C
● IUI #3: BFN
● IUI #4: BFN
● IVF/FET #1 (2 transferred): BFP! TWINS!
● FET #2 (1 transferred): BFP! BOY #3!
● Natural #1: BFP - M/C @ 8 weeks
● Natural #2: BFP - M/C @ 5w5d
But wow a lot of S13! I started out there but had to bow out
During my last pregnancy a tight group of us formed our own off-board, and now a lot of us are friends on Facebook. I think little groups are bound to happen, especially if you're super active on the board. It seems like the bump has cracked down on the trolls and drama though (bummer, haha) so it's not nearly as ... uh ... lively as it used to be.
Evelyn (3.24.10), Graham (5.30.13) & Miles (8.28.16)
I don't get the hate for other bmb's popping in to add advice or answer questions if they have experience or advice and to the person who said because infertility and loss you don't want to be surrounded by people in all weeks this doesn't make any sense ! Wouldn't you want to hear from people in very similar situations that they have made it through and so can you!
You don't get to tell me what does and does not make sense to me. I don't mind lurkers and I don't mind when them giving advice, but I am comfortable on my own BMB and stated I would personally not want to lurk on a board where everyone else is so far ahead of me because it would make me feel uncomfortable and remind me how fragile this all still feels to me.
Also, on the similar situations to me... I still don't have a healthy take home baby and other people's infertility stories have no bearing on my own, other people success does not influence me. So while it makes me happy to hear them it won't make me feel better. Never tell an infertile person "you will make it through" it is insanely offensive and dismissive of everything I have been through.
And literally no one on this topic said they hate lurkers, the only time people said they don't like it is that when lurkers make comments to start trouble. Like you just did.
Edit: Some good articles to read to avoid being insensitive in the future:
https://infertility.about.com/od/familyandfriends/a/12-Things-Not-To-Say-To-Someone-With-Infertility.htm
https://www.resolve.org/support/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-angeline-beltsos/17-things-not-to-say-to-people-with-infertility----and-what-to-do-instead_b_6194688.html
PCOS, Hypothyroidism.
Miscarriage at 8 weeks
First saw
It's a boy!
Sorry my post rubbed you the wrong way it was obviously not intended to be hurtful. Perhaps I should not have used the word "hate" but there were some negative comments about lurkers your own stating you didn't really want them around and I was just trying to bring a different perspective about how it can be helpful. Again sorry my post came off as insensitive everyone has their own journey and I'm sorry that this has been yours. But please don't assume that because others have a different perspective they don't know the struggles
My hope would be that all pgal/ infertility moms accross the boards reach out and support each other and I can see when you can't hear my tone of voice that it could definitely appear that wasn't my intention. I wish nothing for the best for you ladies and just was trying to be positive.
i also apologize if the phrase "make it through" was in senstive to me it has been my mantra to make it through each milestone each week
Also, I lurk here and I lurk on a lot of different boards and occasionally post. I personally love when people from different boards pop in on July's board to share their insight. I'll offer this suggestion though if that rubs you the wrong way... if you form a tight knit group with people that post here often and don't want to "deal" with lurkers from other boards or people that are part of this board but rarely/seldomly post... create a private group and invite members that are the most active. The pros are that it's not moderated by the bump gods, you can pick and choose the members, and the risk of stranger danger is a lot less. Just a suggestion
You guys will probably find that when there's a lull in the threads here that you'll cruise around the other months and you may find that you have some knowledge to drop... it's not a bad thing to share your experience that may help someone.
1) I seem to have a lot of technical difficulties with the boards on my phone app and my coworkers are vultures who would love to see something on my screen suggesting I was PG so they could poach my clients (just kidding! sort of...)
2) the first trimester has not always historically worked out well for me, and
3) short attention span/ pregnancy brain
Is it okay to blame pregnancy brain for things at 9 weeks? Anyway, I have a lot of sympathy for lurkers. I like fun active people, too, and I hope to be one once I can no longer hide my delicate condition at work
Married: May 16th 2015
@thebigoaktree eating a sh*t ton of chocolate as we speak (bump).