Thoughts on lurkers?

kellyk17

In my first bump rodeo (Sept 13) lurkers were really discouraged. It feels sort of weird since as a group we are getting to know each other and it's nice to go through things together. On the hand, is that big of a deal really, and my old group had people that called themselves "the Wolfpack" which gives you an idea of the tone.

It seems to be happening a lot here. Does anyone else have thoughts either way? 

mom2adoodle

A lurker is someone who reads but doesn't post? I guess I'm confused as to why the lurkers would be discouraged and how we would even know they were lurking lol. 

Sporty1216

On my previous BMB I lurked and never posted. It became clear that the culture of the board was such that if you hadn't started posting by a certain point (relatively early in the pregnancy), you weren't welcome to post later. There was a lot of "dirty lurker" talk. I never understood why it was a big deal. I mean, the more the merrier, right? And I would have been glad to get to contribute and participate later on, once I felt comfortable. I was just a slower warm-up. But by the time I got the confidence to post, it was clear I was not welcome. I hope we can avoid doing that here and just welcome anyone at any stage who would like to contribute. 

revlaurawittman

I was on s13 and I don't remember anyone being called the Wolfpack. I was an og regular. I think right now it's okay to lurk. I'd rather people lurk and feel things out, read old posts than post craziness. I think it helps build community when you participate though. Some of my very best friends in real life came from the bump. 

wlux

I'm also an OG member of S13. i was pretty active and didn't get a tone you speak of.... The bump was a lot different those days but S13 was awesome!

noelani42

Doesn't really bother me in the slightest...also an S13 mama here too! (changed my s.n. and avatar....)

mom2adoodle

Well, now I'm feeling left out that I wasn't on S13! 

revlaurawittman

I'm loving the s13 party in here.

noelani42

Oh and sorry we didn't have a wolfpack in S13...I'm not sure what you're referring to...we did, however, have amazing late-night gif parties, lots of talk about burritos, and we didn't like pants too much....

revlaurawittman

Burritos. So many burritos. And no-pants parties. It got pretty real. 

revlaurawittman

mom2adoodle said:

Well, now I'm feeling left out that I wasn't on S13

Even better... You get to hang out with us NOW.

wlux

Not wearing pants is really a way of life.

izzetoot

To each there own I say.  Some people just feel shy or uncomfortable posting and like to follow along and look for advice.  Others, like me, like to be apart of all kinds of convos! I wish everyone lurked for at least a week or two before posting.  Esp when concerning trigger warning topics like MC or acting like total AWs.  As a stranger, you wouldn't just walk into a room full of women who know each other and just start blabbing about yourself or asking intimate/touchy questions. So why is it ok to do it here?  Lurking is like getting a feel for the room before you start making your way into an ongoing conversation.

star18star

So I've totally been a lurker and PLEASE don't discourage us from being a part of this forum. I ended a pregnancy last year because we found out our baby was affected by spinal muscular atrophy. I'm currently 8w2d but won't know my genetic results until 15/16 weeks. I want to be part of the forum but it seems so pointless gushing about morning sickness, due dates and things further down the pregnancy when there's a really good chance it won't matter. I know it's a pessimistic approach but when you've lost a pregnancy, especially past the first trimester, it's hard to get excited. But if this works out I want to be active here!

long story short - you don't know everyone's story so let's not judge their actions. Post and enjoy those who post back. Don't worry about the rest of us!  

noelani42

@star18star I'm so sorry about your loss- you make very good points

kellyk17

So sorry all, I'm so tired I forgot when my first child is born. It was October 13. And honestly I wasn't insanely active, I posted weekly but wasn't one of the core group. With my work schedule I can never be super active.

My understanding from that time @star18starwas lurkers from another month. So people that were not pregnant for that month coming into our conversations. Not anything about people who just weren't active all the time or just looking. 

noelani42

LOL Thats funny @kellyk17 you had us S13 moms so confused!

revlaurawittman

Meh. I bounce between here and August because I'm due August 28... I think it's fine to go between other boards. I like to lurk on the parenting boards from time to time. 

wlux

I also participate in A16 because I'm a RCS. And will probably schedule in August. 

kellyk17

noelani42 said:

LOL Thats funny @kellyk17 you had us S13 moms so confused!

Yes I feel like a complete and total idiot right now. This also how I am at work lately. You can guess how well that is going. I am so sorry.

AmMcc12

I like lurking lurking I great.  It's how people learn

mom2adoodle

I forgot to mention that I lurk everywhere on TB. Like everywhere. Dirty lurker and proud! So I guess my opinion is: do as you wish. Just don't pop in all of a sudden to be rude/dear diaryish/judge and then disappear. 

revlaurawittman

mom2adoodle said:

I forgot to mention that I lurk everywhere on TB. Like everywhere. Dirty lurker and proud! So I guess my opinion is: do as you wish. Just don't pop in all of a sudden to be rude/dear diaryish/judge and then disappear. 

Yes. This. I like you. 

Sporty1216

Exactly, @mom2adoodle !

0SeaMonkey0

I don't mind at all if Sept 16 moms are reading but not posting. I don't really get why people lurk from other BMBs (except for those with due dates near the beginning/end of Aug and Oct, that I totally get) but what I absolutely can't stand is women lurking from the TTC boards who are waiting to test and "hoping to join". I wish them the best but don't jump in on a BMB until you belong and DO NOT post about your "hopeful EDD". 

618mom22boys

mom2adoodle said:

I forgot to mention that I lurk everywhere on TB. Like everywhere. Dirty lurker and proud! So I guess my opinion is: do as you wish. Just don't pop in all of a sudden to be rude/dear diaryish/judge and then disappear. 

This is me too.   But than I see something I have to comment on and do and forget I am not on S16 BMB.  I kind of feel stupid when I do that.  lol

I don't like lurkers who don't know how the board runs.  Like the special snowflake and AWish posts.  Other than that I am fine with lurkers.  It's not like I am going to know every single persons name anyways.  Just the few I choose to remember. 

mom2adoodle

@618mom22boys HAHA! That hasn't happened to me....yet. 

SuperFudge00

I'm a little busier this time than in A15 as I now have an almost 11 month old and work 12 hour shifts. Lurkers were discouraged once they decided that their only contribution was to WK an obvious troll when we were being "internet bullies".

I also don't have as many questions this time since DS is still so fresh.

LizC216

Yeah, I was going to say October 13 was the Wolfpack. I was part of the board, but not the Wolfpack. From what I can remember, I feel like this board is nothing like October 13.

For what it's worth, I feel like I'm somewhere in between. I comment/reply but rarely start new discussions. Lurkers don't really bother me. However, I do think people should read the pinned posts before jumping in.

Shiva14

Eh, I don't care if people lurk from other boards. I used to do that when I was part of A14 but I had more time back then and (no offense current bump) the boards were a little more interesting to lurk.. 

As far as people due in S16 lurking I'm fine with that too. I lurked the majority of my previous pregnancy and started posting in my third trimester. Then crazy catfish drama happened in J14, followed by everyone leaving the bump, so it got pretty quiet. 

PSUBecky23

I was active in April13 and it was a decent BMB that turned into an awesome Facebook group. I'm liking this group so far. Everyone seems friendly and respectful. I've seen some of the bullying that has happened in other BMBs and pages. And while discouraging lurking isn't bullying, I'd be afraid it could eventually lead to that. Maybe far fetched but I'm fine with anyone posting. 

mamadomino

I'm mostly a lurker.  I read a lot, but that's just how I roll.  But I think being a regular lurker is different than just rolling in with the AW nonsense. 

jaceru

I mostly post in august16 since I'm due the end of August however I also like to look around this BMB since I might deliver late ..and sometimes I feel like I'm really behind the ladies in a16

ducks6

*****TW Previous loss mentioned****

I think it's really important to be welcoming to S16 ladies regardless of how often they post. I read many threads everyday but haven't been posting much because I'm still nervous about this pregnancy. Everything appears to be going well but after my completely unexpected 16 week loss last September, I'll be nervous until at least that mark. I feel similar to @star18star, it's hard to get excited when I feel like it all could be for naught. As I get more confidence in this pregnancy and post more I hope I'll still be welcomed (and I'm sure I will, this BMB rocks  )

mom2adoodle

Come one come all!!!!!! 

ammnam14

I lurk on all of the boards. I mean there's not much to do during middle of the night feedings. That's the great thing about public forums.  

Edit: From D15

frogdog06

Not sure what this is about, but omg, @revlaurawittman & @whitneylux , I'm on my first pregnancy, and I thought it was just me with the no pants thing!!! In any case, I think some people don't feel comfortable posting or reiterating what's already been said, and that's okay. Plus, maybe they're just here for insight?

nicholemelfi

I was a huge lurker on O14.  I joined the FB group that was formed. Im friends with many girls on there now who I talk to daily!  For me thats an easier platform to check in on. I like coming here, reading about similar symptoms, cravings, questions, etc.  

Tippy05

**************TW******************

I'm going to echo @star18star and @ducks6.  I'm also a loss mom and haven't even had my first appointment yet, so I'm trying not to get too excited just yet.  I had a missed mc at 12 wks so I'm going to need several more weeks before I feel totally comfortable posting here as a regular.  I've commented on a few things here and there, but in general I lurk.

From what I can tell so far, it's a great group and I hope to remain part of it.

diagonalley

My thoughts are it is a public forum and if you're not comfortable with Joe Schmoe reading about your life, don't post those details. If you don't want lurkers, I'm sure there are more private boards/options. It's really something that can't be controlled/policed, so I wouldn't worry about it.  Post what you're comfortable with.

nanner26

Jcr727 said:

I mostly post in august16 since I'm due the end of August however I also like to look around this BMB since I might deliver late ..and sometimes I feel like I'm really behind the ladies in a16

I'm in the same boat. I'm due Aug. 28 but feel kind of behind in the August board sometimes. But I think it's helpful to hear from people who may have been in my shoes a couple weeks before. I feel I can relate a little better to the Sept. topics but I've just been a lurker. Maybe I'll start posting a little more.