I used the search function but couldn't find a post that suited me to comment on. Has anyone found that their friends have changed since they found out you were pregnant? I had told one of my closest friends last summer that I was planning on having a baby soon and she went off saying so much horrible stuff! Basically along the lines that I would regret it and that my boyfriend was useless (definitely not true) We stopped talking for a while because I wasn't about to let her speak to me like that, we later sorted things out. Anyways, I told her and my two other friends at around 10 weeks (15 now) and since then they haven't really made an effort to speak to me or meet up, it's so frustrating having no one to talk to or be excited with! Anyone else have a situation similar to this? What did you do to improve your friendships? Note: I have tried to speak to them more often and have offered to do non drinking related things but they haven't been responsive so far! Any input would be appreciated!
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DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
Re: Changed friends.
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DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
Sadly this can be normal I had a similar situation happen and one friend was really negative when she found I and others in our circle were pregnant. It was hurtful and mad it difficult to tell her but I gave her some space and then as I started to reach out to her things have gotten better.
try reaching out to them and if they continue with their negativity sadly you may have to call it a wash. Do you have other friends that have children or others you could reach out too as well?
Try meetup.com for local women/new mom events in your area, maybe get to know some neighbors with kids, and so on.
But, have to ask -- with the comment about your boyfriend -- is it possible it's not about you having a kid, but about him? Did he do something that would make them worry about him being in your or your child's life? If it's completely and totally baseless, then just forget them. And even if they really don't like him for some good reason, it sucks they wouldn't still support you and your baby.
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DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
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DS#1 July 2016
Baby #2 July 2018
Good you have your work friends! Maybe your other friends will come around. Is your family supportive? Hopefully you have them to lean on, too.
I was the first in my friend group as well... but I was 30, haha. My friends were on their way toward marriage/kids by then at least.
But it is weird being the first, and you can get left out of stuff easily. When I was pregnant the first time, some friends of mine arranged a beach weekend and invited my other good friend (who they only know through me) and didn't mention it to me. I was feeling pretty hurt. I thought, well this is it. Then I saw the pictures. I was really glad I didn't go. Drinking a ton, talking to random guys... all I wanted was to eat/sleep anyway. We're still good friends so no actual issues.
Anyway you'll learn who your true friends are and hopefully meet some new ones!
Sometimes, people are envious that you're having a baby and they aren't. Sometimes, people are not happy because you're no longer free to do the stuff you could before pregnancy. Either way, just remember that it's an issue with them, not you.
So there's this boy. He kinda stole my heart. He calls me "Mom"
Voted "Mom of the Year" 2012 Sweetpea Mom Awards
She's a single mom, busting her ass to support her school-age son. I'm married and planning to be a stay-at-home mom. Her work schedule keeps her busy, but not like THIS. Our lives are becoming more and more different. That doesn't bother me, but I don't know how she feels. I'm not mad, but I miss her a lot. I wish I could discuss pregnancy and labor with her, since she's been there and done that.
@schaze That former friend sounds scary! She tells everyone she's excited about your baby, she won't speak to you directly? Weird. I'm sure you had very good reasons for cutting ties with her.
Now that im pregnant, I still see my few
main friends frequently. Luckily, my sister and my mom are my main best friends and they can't really get away from me. None of my other friends have kids and most aren't married. I think you'll end up staying in touch with the people whose lifestyles mirror yours most, even if they're not married with kids. My best friends are all the old lady wear pajamas, watch tv, cook food, and make some crafts type of people.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that yes, things will change. Your life is about to change drastically, but in an amazing way. People who want to be there will be, you just both have to continue to make an effort in the friendship. As for the other people, maybe you'll be the "see you every once in awhile" friends or the "it was nice knowing you" kind.
I had to look at it for the fact that the ones that thought we were "wrong" for having a baby before marriage and making a "mistake", were the same ones that weren't in very good relationships with their own spouses. I had to remember that they are the last people I should look to when it comes to relationship/marriage/family advice. We had been together for five years, we had a home, great jobs, loved each other, RESPECTED/TRUSTED each other, and didn't need a legal document to prove that to other people. We had our daughter, replenished our wedding fund, got married when we had been together for 8 years, and will be celebrating ten years together at the end of this month. We had our reason for having our daughter first, and we would do it all over again if we had a do-over.
Point being, you be you. If you and your boyfriend are in a great relationship, and you two think you can handle it, focus on that and not what someone on the outside might be getting their panties in a wad about.
I would definitely try and continue to make an effort and hopefully she will come around like pps said. Change is hard and people deal with it in different ways. Reach out to other friends too. You never know who you might grow close too
Married March 2016
DD: born 7.22.16
DS EDD: 6.23.18
I will say, I've found this stage in my life (having a young child) to be the easiest time of making friends. Hopefully that helps you feel a little better about the prospect of forming a new social group. I moved while on maternity leave and had no friends in my new city. I joined a bunch of things and met moms at play groups, swimming lessons, library story time, whatever, and it was so easy to ask if they want to meet up for a play date or go for a coffee to get out of the house. I think a lot of people want to connect with someone going through similar stages as themselves. DH has also connected with some of the husbands/dads of my new friends, too, which has been awesome as we can hang out as couples/families.
Married: May 16th 2015
I'll cut out the toxic relationships over time.
I'm sorry this is happening to you, I certainly hope that you're able to make new connections.