I like the idea of bringing books in lieu of cards; however, I've also experienced the confusion of how to avoid duplicates/whether or not to sign the book/etc. But, I don't think that not participating causes any form of drama. At the showers I've attended where books have been requested or politely suggested, there was at least a handful of people who stuck to greeting cards, and guess what? No one called them out for not bringing a book, and the MTB was just as grateful for those people's gifts as she was for the gifts from the other shower attendees who brought books.
Also - just out of curiosity - why are the diaper raffles tacky? If the invitation simply informs the guests that there will be a diaper raffle, among other games, if they'd like to participate, but it's clear they have the option to bring diapers or not, is it really that bad? My MIL did one for my shower with DS, and everyone didn't participate, but I thought it was a cute and easy game and people seemed to have fun. The people that chose not to bring diapers just kept on talking and visiting whenever my MIL would call out a winner.
In theory, I think we would all rather have books than cards. Who wouldn't? I also think a lot of us would prefer not to have to register and just ask for gift cards. In fact, I just want everyone to pool their money and buy us that flipping expensive Uppababy stroller I'm lusting after.
But it guess what? I can't do what I want because it's rude to tell people how to give you gifts. While it doesn't seem so offensive because it's more affordable, the book in lieu of card is the same concept to me.
And maybe I'm just an asshole but I don't like being told what to do. I'm already sacrificing my Saturday and spent money on you- you'll take what you get and like it.
I would hope if someone feels as though coming to help me celebrate the impending birth of my babies is a sacrifice or if they feel forced due to society's expectations, they instead stay home. I hope I am not friends with anyone who feels that way about me.
And I think any friends I do have that couldn't bring anything for me, not even a card, would come anyway to celebrate a joyous occasion because they would know it's not about the gifts, no matter what people think that's all a shower is good for.
Just saying. Not forcing anyone to come to my shower, and I'm certainly not forcing anyone to buy me anything. I guess if people think I'm tacky or rude, they probably don't like me much to begin with, and in that case, I probably don't want them there to begin with.
In theory, I think we would all rather have books than cards. Who wouldn't? I also think a lot of us would prefer not to have to register and just ask for gift cards. In fact, I just want everyone to pool their money and buy us that flipping expensive Uppababy stroller I'm lusting after.
But it guess what? I can't do what I want because it's rude to tell people how to give you gifts. While it doesn't seem so offensive because it's more affordable, the book in lieu of card is the same concept to me.
And maybe I'm just an asshole but I don't like being told what to do. I'm already sacrificing my Saturday and spent money on you- you'll take what you get and like it.
Nothing against you, but if anyone I know feels this bitter about spending time with me and buying a present for my kid, please don't come. No one is forcing you to go to a party where you don't want to be or to bring a gift.
ETA: @jlgriff11 we were typing at the same time! But yes, exactly what you said!
@jlgriff11 maybe sacrifice isn't the best way to put it. And maybe I'm sensitive because I'm at a point in my life when I have about 7 weddings this year and close to if not more showers. In a place where it's usually shitty over half the year, it basically eats up every weekend of the only nice weather.
And while I want to celebrate my friends, for some of these people, I'm in for like 2k when you figure in travel. Then there is time away from home which I value and guard as I'm away traveling for work as well.
So so maybe my reaction is a little defensive but I do think at the core it's better to just let people bring what they want. Honestly, I already do the books.
As far as the whole cards being expensive thing. Am I really the only one who buys packs of blank cards and uses those for everything? They have colorful/cute but generic designs on the front, blank inside. I use these for the 40 billion showers/birthday parties we go to on the regular. I don't got no extra piggy bank for Hallmark!
@jlgriff11 I think you're totally fine if you do it, people aren't going to not come because of it, really. Some people may not love it but no it's not the end of the world. But personally I would just register for books anyway, then you won't get repeats you can't return.
No offense taken. And I'll admit my word choice was less than ideal. But when I look at my calendar and all I see is birthdays, wedding showers, weddings, baby showers, sip and sees, graduation parties...it can add up.
Am I happy for everyone? Yes. Do I want to celebrate their life achievements? Yes. Am I sensitive to being told how to spend my money when I am already going to a lot of time and effort to celebrate your choices? Yes.
And while my last comment was insensitive, I do think my original point is valid. Or at least from my point of view it is. I do not think it is a good idea to tell people bring a book instead of a card.
In theory, I think we would all rather have books than cards. Who wouldn't? I also think a lot of us would prefer not to have to register and just ask for gift cards. In fact, I just want everyone to pool their money and buy us that flipping expensive Uppababy stroller I'm lusting after.
But it guess what? I can't do what I want because it's rude to tell people how to give you gifts. While it doesn't seem so offensive because it's more affordable, the book in lieu of card is the same concept to me.
And maybe I'm just an asshole but I don't like being told what to do. I'm already sacrificing my Saturday and spent money on you- you'll take what you get and like it.
Nothing against you, but if anyone I know feels this bitter about spending time with me and buying a present for my kid, please don't come. No one is forcing you to go to a party where you don't want to be or to bring a gift.
ETA: @jlgriff11 we were typing at the same time! But yes, exactly what you said!
My MIL and mom are planning a combined shower and they want to add something like, baby books are welcome to help build baby's library. We plan on having a book themed nursery, and they are really excited about the idea. I honestly think it would be a bit rude for me to interject and tell them how to plan the shower and to not request a book in case there may be one attendee that was insulted. *shrugs*
It may be an unpopular opinion, but there truly isn't anyone invited to our shower that can't afford a book. A baby registry is inherently a request for particular items that we're asking for anyway, so I don't see the book idea as being a big enough leap to paint it as tacky. I find it tackier to plan your own shower, or involve yourself to the extend of dictating what is on the invites.
I think if I had a registry that was already full of really expensive items (cribs, 100% organic everything, dressers, car seats, the high end swings and all glass bottles or whatever) I might be a bit more wary of asking for a book (I'd be happy with used as well, by the way) on top of that. But honestly my registry is pretty specifically lower priced items only. It's not like I registered at Pottery Barn exclusively.
I think I am more concerned with duplicates. Not sure the best way to avoid that.
My how times have changed on TB. Had this question been asked... and it was... in my D14 group, the preponderance of people were in the "don't be a tacky bish" club. That seems to be the minority here!
I'm in the camp of, I like my friends and I like going to their parties so I'm happy to give them something they'd enjoy. In my social circle, its not tacky at all to make these 'demands' of the guests. I guess I'm just a tacky-ho though!
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
I didn't read all the posts but I'm going to add my two cents. I love the idea. It's a great way to build up a library and it's a book that person chose specifically for your baby and then wrote a little note to them. Then you also get a large variety of types of books: board, paperback, hardcover, cloth, classics, new authors...it's fantastic. And duplicates? Who cares! Kids rip apart books so quickly and easily (and chew on them and love them dearly) so keep the duplicate in the closet til the first one has been loved too much.
I didn't read all the posts but I'm going to add my two cents. I love the idea. It's a great way to build up a library and it's a book that person chose specifically for your baby and then wrote a little note to them. Then you also get a large variety of types of books: board, paperback, hardcover, cloth, classics, new authors...it's fantastic. And duplicates? Who cares! Kids rip apart books so quickly and easily (and chew on them and love them dearly) so keep the duplicate in the closet til the first one has been loved too much.
I guess I don't understand how registering for books doesn't accomplish the same thing of building up a library?And I wouldn't want two or three of the same book. It depends on the kid, but mine doesn't tear them apart.
And I'm sorry but the bold sounds gift grabby. That's part of the issue I have with it. "Give me tons of different types of books! Plus the gifts on my registry!"
Again, none of this is the end of the world and people will do it and it'll be OK. That's not my point. But does it come across as a bit grabby for gifts, yes. There will always be some people who will see it like that, or just not want to get a book as part of the gift.
May not be an issue in all circles and I get that. But as an overall opinion on it, I just don't get the point of it. If you like books, register for them, spread the word (just through word of mouth when asked) that you'd like books for gifts, or buy them yourself.
I agree with PP that while I generally do choose a book instead of a card, I don't like being told what to do. The exception to that rule is "we're having a library themed shower, please bring books" or "we're having a cloth diaper shower, please bring a cloth diaper" when it's clear that it is in lieu of a gift off the registry or a different kind of gift. That doesn't rub me the wrong way.
I feel certain @jlgriff11 has the information she needs. Can we stop now?
Meh, if someone adds a new post with a new POV, I see no reason not to reply. I don't think I'm contributing to a downward spiral. I've been respectful with all who disagree on this topic, ya know, except for the gal who called us all sensitive drama starters.
I personally am registering for certain books I'd love to have and then if no one buys them I can get a discount on buying them myself. I won't ask for them because I personally hate buying cards because they are expensive and personally being on a low budget when I go to showers it would make it hard when I would want to get them something off their registry.
I really don't mind the books instead of cards or the diaper raffle (as long as people know it's optional)... As long as you choose ONE. You don't get books AND diapers. We're doing a diaper raffle for my sister's shower. She's having twins so I know she'll need them. My mom and I went out and got a bunch of Vera Bradley stuff from the outlet as prizes to give away. I don't really love a lot of other games, so I don't think it's too much overkill. I assume they'll probably do the same for my shower.
In the end, I love my friends and family and, when I go to a shower, I do want to give them what they want/need. I also know that I only give what I can afford and I expect others do the same.
I hate buying cards. I either use a pack of blank cards from the dollar store or a splurge and get the 2 for $1 cards. You're going to throw it away anyway... I'd rather get you a book.
I hate to be asked to purchase something, that I am seeing as a gift......or for there to be suggestions. If it is on the registry, fine. But I hate the whole "bring a book instead of a card" and "bring a pack of diapers!". I will usually buy a book instead of a card anyway, just because I usually include a book...and I think cards are a waste. But that is just me.....I know other's think differently. I do find myself side-eyeing it on the invite though, and asked my friend that hosted mine, not to include it.
So silly question that I'm sure I could google, but you ladies could probably answer better... what the heck is a diaper raffle? I've never heard of this before! I am assuming it involves guests bringing diapers. So, do they then just get entered in a raffle or is there more to it?
So silly question that I'm sure I could google, but you ladies could probably answer better... what the heck is a diaper raffle? I've never heard of this before! I am assuming it involves guests bringing diapers. So, do they then just get entered in a raffle or is there more to it?
Usually there's a little card or note attached to the invitation. It says something along the lines of "If you'd like to bring a pack of diapers, you'll be entered into a raffle." But in cuter words. They write their name on the paper and then you pick names to win prizes.
I don't think it's ever a mandatory thing (or at least I don't think it should be).
Ok @jlgriff11 I'm going to be annoying and start this up again. I DID do this at my shower. No one said anything to me, no one complained. I had people bring several books, people do a book and a card and people do just a card. It didn't matter either way to me, it was about celebrating together. Also, my baby shower was book themed, all the food was based off children's books/poems. And no, I didn't get any duplicates, but I did have a small shower. So from experience it went completely fine for me. But apparently I'm tacky because I did plan the shower by myself and paid for everything myself and made the food myself with the help of my parents. So I apologize for this post being a little bitchy but I'm having a terrible day and am feeling very bitter...just wanted to let you know from my own experience lol
As a first grade teacher, I know the importance of getting little hands on books as soon and often as possible. So, I always gift books for baby showers and birthdays.
I agree with previous posters that it makes the most sense to suggest, instead of ask, for a book in lieu of a card. I think I saw some cute wording on Pinterest recently, as I am thinking my MIL will be doing this for my shower and wanted to help her with invitation wording.
Also, the price of cards are ridiculous, so I don't think anyone would mind buying a $7.99 book at target instead of a $5.99 card that will be thrown away.
@stephweinstein Since you clearly think I lack class, you can go ahead and kiss my ass. You know just to continue the rhyming.
I actually said nothing of the sort. I certainly think you're being crass now, however. My poem was just a joke really.
Which no one found funny.
Was this necessary? Ive been around this community for a long time and have tried to consistently offer help and advice. I was joking around, as I stated, and I think you took it to a level that was hurtful.
@stephweinstein Since you clearly think I lack class, you can go ahead and kiss my ass. You know just to continue the rhyming.
I actually said nothing of the sort. I certainly think you're being crass now, however. My poem was just a joke really.
Which no one found funny.
Was this necessary? Ive been around this community for a long time and have tried to consistently offer help and advice. I was joking around, as I stated, and I think you took it to a level that was hurtful.
Not when you quoted a poster who made a genuine comment trying to be helpful and you decide then was a good time to try out your poetry skills. It was rude.
Not when you quoted a poster who made a genuine comment trying to be helpful and you decide then was a good time to try out your poetry skills. It was rude.
I disagree. As I said, it was meant to lighten the mood in a joking manner. Apparently to you and some others it fell flat, but I do not think it is acceptable to turn around and be rude purposefully when I have stated over and over again that it was not my intent.
Disagree all you want, all you had to do is make your own line and not quote someone else and put your poem in. Me stating my point is not being rude, and if it was more than just myself that felt that way maybe take a pause and think about it before calling someone else rude because they called you out on something. However, continue to beat the dead horse.
I have to agree with other posters @stephweinstein when I read your comment earlier I did not at all think it was a joke and thought it was rude and unnessary. I think sometimes people try to just say "it was a joke" To make a pass for a hurtful statement.
I think instead of getting defensive when someone called you out or pointing out that no one seemed to find it funny due to lack of "love it's" would be an okay place for you to say "my bad tried to lighten the mood but it was taken the wrong way sorry"
Re: Books instead of cards?
Married: May 16th 2015
Also - just out of curiosity - why are the diaper raffles tacky? If the invitation simply informs the guests that there will be a diaper raffle, among other games, if they'd like to participate, but it's clear they have the option to bring diapers or not, is it really that bad? My MIL did one for my shower with DS, and everyone didn't participate, but I thought it was a cute and easy game and people seemed to have fun. The people that chose not to bring diapers just kept on talking and visiting whenever my MIL would call out a winner.
But it guess what? I can't do what I want because it's rude to tell people how to give you gifts. While it doesn't seem so offensive because it's more affordable, the book in lieu of card is the same concept to me.
And maybe I'm just an asshole but I don't like being told what to do. I'm already sacrificing my Saturday and spent money on you- you'll take what you get and like it.
Married: May 16th 2015
And I think any friends I do have that couldn't bring anything for me, not even a card, would come anyway to celebrate a joyous occasion because they would know it's not about the gifts, no matter what people think that's all a shower is good for.
Just saying. Not forcing anyone to come to my shower, and I'm certainly not forcing anyone to buy me anything. I guess if people think I'm tacky or rude, they probably don't like me much to begin with, and in that case, I probably don't want them there to begin with.
ETA: @jlgriff11 we were typing at the same time! But yes, exactly what you said!
And while I want to celebrate my friends, for some of these people, I'm in for like 2k when you figure in travel. Then there is time away from home which I value and guard as I'm away traveling for work as well.
So so maybe my reaction is a little defensive but I do think at the core it's better to just let people bring what they want. Honestly, I already do the books.
@jlgriff11 I think you're totally fine if you do it, people aren't going to not come because of it, really. Some people may not love it but no it's not the end of the world. But personally I would just register for books anyway, then you won't get repeats you can't return.
Am I happy for everyone? Yes. Do I want to celebrate their life achievements? Yes. Am I sensitive to being told how to spend my money when I am already going to a lot of time and effort to celebrate your choices? Yes.
And while my last comment was insensitive, I do think my original point is valid. Or at least from my point of view it is. I do not think it is a good idea to tell people bring a book instead of a card.
It may be an unpopular opinion, but there truly isn't anyone invited to our shower that can't afford a book. A baby registry is inherently a request for particular items that we're asking for anyway, so I don't see the book idea as being a big enough leap to paint it as tacky. I find it tackier to plan your own shower, or involve yourself to the extend of dictating what is on the invites.
I think I am more concerned with duplicates. Not sure the best way to avoid that.
I actually said nothing of the sort. I certainly think you're being crass now, however. My poem was just a joke really.
Married: October 23, 2010
DS: 8/7/2013
#2 EDD: 6/29/2016, C Section: 6/22/2016
I'm in the camp of, I like my friends and I like going to their parties so I'm happy to give them something they'd enjoy. In my social circle, its not tacky at all to make these 'demands' of the guests. I guess I'm just a tacky-ho though!
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
And I'm sorry but the bold sounds gift grabby. That's part of the issue I have with it. "Give me tons of different types of books! Plus the gifts on my registry!"
Again, none of this is the end of the world and people will do it and it'll be OK. That's not my point. But does it come across as a bit grabby for gifts, yes. There will always be some people who will see it like that, or just not want to get a book as part of the gift.
May not be an issue in all circles and I get that. But as an overall opinion on it, I just don't get the point of it. If you like books, register for them, spread the word (just through word of mouth when asked) that you'd like books for gifts, or buy them yourself.
July BMB May Signature Challenge
In the end, I love my friends and family and, when I go to a shower, I do want to give them what they want/need. I also know that I only give what I can afford and I expect others do the same.
I hate buying cards. I either use a pack of blank cards from the dollar store or a splurge and get the 2 for $1 cards. You're going to throw it away anyway... I'd rather get you a book.
I don't think it's ever a mandatory thing (or at least I don't think it should be).
If one of my friends doesn't get me 'Go The
F*** To Sleep' or 'You Have To F***ing Eat' I've decided I need new friends. Rude?
Married: May 16th 2015
I agree with previous posters that it makes the most sense to suggest, instead of ask, for a book in lieu of a card. I think I saw some cute wording on Pinterest recently, as I am thinking my MIL will be doing this for my shower and wanted to help her with invitation wording.
Also, the price of cards are ridiculous, so I don't think anyone would mind buying a $7.99 book at target instead of a $5.99 card that will be thrown away.
Married: October 23, 2010
DS: 8/7/2013
#2 EDD: 6/29/2016, C Section: 6/22/2016
Married: May 16th 2015
Married: October 23, 2010
DS: 8/7/2013
#2 EDD: 6/29/2016, C Section: 6/22/2016
Married: May 16th 2015
To make a pass for a hurtful statement.
I think instead of getting defensive when someone called you out or pointing out that no one seemed to find it funny due to lack of "love it's" would be an okay place for you to say "my bad tried to lighten the mood but it was taken the wrong way sorry"