I think what makes me step more on the side of "No, it's tacky," is because of the growing amount of parties/gift giving/dictation that is becoming trendy these days in regards to pregnancy.
While pregnancy and a new baby is so precious and special, at times it seems some people go above and beyond to celebrate every.single.moment of it and while that's wonderful to the parents-to-be, it becomes excessive to those who are invited to share in those moments.
Gender reveals, naming parties, showers, sprinkles, diaper raffles, diaper parties, Daddy showers, Meet the Baby, etc. And while they all aren't gift giving events, there is a sense of obligation to bring something, even if it's a pack of wipes. If you add everything up, it gets to be too much and people start to feel resentful and taken advantage of. Especially when they receive an invitation and there's a request on what they should spend their money on. Granted, it is a request but still, no one wants to be that person that comes without the requested gift.
So I guess I'm a little more sensitive to these types of requests because it's just one more way for someone to suggest to me how I should be spending my own money. And while I genuinely do care for my friends and want to celebrate with them, it doesn't change the fact that it's not their place to suggest what I should be buying for them.
This sounds like you're more upset about people needing to have a party to have a party is becoming over-kill. Not so much the book thing, imo.
I would like to clarify that in my particular instance I am not having but two showers.. One my mother and best friend is throwing me for friends and family, and one work is throwing me.. I am a first time mom having twins. I am buying all of our big items myself. Adam is not having any diaper parties. I only wanted to know if it was generally ok or not to ask for new or used books in place of cards if the guest wanted.. And it seems like that is really dependent on the person giving the opinion which is fine and what I asked for.
But what I think is interesting is that I notice lots of people who don't like it tend to have a lot of friends who ask a lot from them financially and I think that's really more based on region/type of peers. So I am southern but live in the Midwest and its all very laid back within certain limits of politeness. But maybe in urban areas with young professionals it's nore... Ugh. Because I have a friend from College and she did a big destination wedding and had like four showers and registered from crate and barrel and pottery barn and had her bachelorette in Aruba or something. I'd be annoyed to be out that kind of money if I had a bunch of friends like that.
Isn't just the act of having a shower technically asking your friends to spend money on you? That doesn't seem to bother anyone but asking for a new or used book in place of a card is all of a sudden forcing you to buy things for me?
Then why are we making registries, why even bother if apparently it's tacky to ask for something that you really need? IF a book is to specific of a gift instead of a card that is going to be just tucked away somewhere and a book can be read and read again and loved over and over and passed down and that is seen as tacky, well hell, I'm tacky. I don't want anyone to get me nb clothes, I'm clearly now an asshole.
I also don't see how suggesting guests bring books instead of cards is that different from making a registry of things you would like to have. In both cases you're suggesting items that you would like to have. I'm sure at one point requesting certain items for your baby was considered tacky as well as you should be just be happy with what you get. Isn't a registry implicitly telling you what to spend your money on even though you don't have do it. You also don't have to bring a book. It's just a suggestion.
I feel like asking yourself feels rude. If the host wanted to request it as a surprise for you, it wouldn't bother me, but I would worry about duplicates. DD got 3 copies of Good Night Moon! We registered for a ton of books and a lot of people bought them.
I feel like asking yourself feels rude. If the host wanted to request it as a surprise for you, it wouldn't bother me, but I would worry about duplicates. DD got 3 copies of Good Night Moon! We registered for a ton of books and a lot of people bought them.
I also want to clarify that I was asked by my mom if this was something I wanted bc she knew books were really important to me and she'd seen it done at another shower. I am not throwing myself a shower nor do I have any say in what they end up doing or not doing.
i love books. I asked for books as Christmas presents a lot growing up. My Christmas lists always contained more book titles than toys on them. The whole "don't dictate my present/I will give from the heart and if it's not a book whatever" lines are getting old. 1. No one is dictating gifts. It's a suggestion, not a demand. 2. If you don't think that I put time and energy from the heart into picking out a book for someone, you're crazy. Think back to your favorite books as children. I have such fond memories of my parents reading me Goodnight Moon. I even have a recorded copy. Every single time I gift a book like Goodnight Moon, I think of my parents and how loved I was and how they instilled a love of reading in me at a young age. It's easy to imagine the friend I'm gifting the book to reading it to her child/children. It warms my heart and makes me smile. I don't get that feeling from a $1 card or even a $10 card.
If you don't want to get a book, fine. No one's forcing you to. If you hate all the parties, don't go.
@jlgriff11 Sorry if you maybe already said that. By the time I got here this thread was pretty long. If your mom asked them to do it, I think it's fine. They're certainly not obligated to, but I think it's sounds fun. Just look out for duplicates. I want to say that I recall you're having twins so it might not be the worst thing to have two of the same book. You may still want to register for a lot of books to give people some direction.
@jlgriff11 Sorry if you maybe already said that. By the time I got here this thread was pretty long. If your mom asked them to do it, I think it's fine. They're certainly not obligated to, but I think it's sounds fun. Just look out for duplicates. I want to say that I recall you're having twins so it might not be the worst thing to have two of the same book. You may still want to register for a lot of books to give people some direction.
Nah, I didn't say it earlier. I should learn to be as clear as possible in by opening post though in the future lol
I saw this idea on Pinterest and I loved it! My husband not so much but I'm ignoring his opinion on this one I am so going to ask my mom to make sure she puts a suggestion in the invitations. I did not even think to look on Pinterest for cute ideas to write it out. And whomever said to just register for books, you are a genius and I love because I would have never thought to do that. @jlgriff11 I am team books over cards with you!
Married: August 2012
TTC #1: July 2015
BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
I have to agree with other posters @stephweinstein when I read your comment earlier I did not at all think it was a joke and thought it was rude and unnessary. I think sometimes people try to just say "it was a joke" To make a pass for a hurtful statement.
I think instead of getting defensive when someone called you out or pointing out that no one seemed to find it funny due to lack of "love it's" would be an okay place for you to say "my bad tried to lighten the mood but it was taken the wrong way sorry"
I don't want to beat a dead horse anymore. It really was an attempt at a joke - It was never intended as a hurtful statement. I'm sorry if it came off as inappropriate. It's hard to read tone on the internet.
There are 100 replies here and I don't have time to read them all right now BUT books are my DDs favourite thing. Books will not go to waste whereas cards will. I love this idea so much and have two baby showers coming up for my friends where the invite requests a book instead of a card and I'm ok with that. I wish when mine was hosted last time that we thought Of this.
I think the bring a book is a great idea. I am not going to lie the first time I saw it I was a little "put off " by it but I agree with those who said if you dont like how a host throws a party, don't go and besides that if you really don't want to bring a book. . . then DON'T! anyway I am so on board with the book thing now b/c the more you think of it you realize, even my very favorite cards are in the trash now, and even my least favorite books are still on somebodies bookshelf.
I totally 100% agree with you, @jlgriff11 I think this is a fantastic idea and I'm totally going to use it and I don't think my friends would be offended at all. I live in the Silicon Valley and maybe people are really chill here because no one would make a fuss about this request. It's cute! Also, if selected friends and family (and I) are throwing this party, providing you with food, possibly some cake and entertainment, asking for a book is not too much to ask.
I would like to clarify that in my particular instance I am not having but two showers.. One my mother and best friend is throwing me for friends and family, and one work is throwing me.. I am a first time mom having twins. I am buying all of our big items myself. Adam is not having any diaper parties. I only wanted to know if it was generally ok or not to ask for new or used books in place of cards if the guest wanted.. And it seems like that is really dependent on the person giving the opinion which is fine and what I asked for.
But what I think is interesting is that I notice lots of people who don't like it tend to have a lot of friends who ask a lot from them financially and I think that's really more based on region/type of peers. So I am southern but live in the Midwest and its all very laid back within certain limits of politeness. But maybe in urban areas with young professionals it's nore... Ugh. Because I have a friend from College and she did a big destination wedding and had like four showers and registered from crate and barrel and pottery barn and had her bachelorette in Aruba or something. I'd be annoyed to be out that kind of money if I had a bunch of friends like that.
Re: Books instead of cards?
Married: May 16th 2015
I know!
Married: May 16th 2015
July'16 BMB May Siggy Challenge - Star Wars:
Married: May 16th 2015
Married: May 16th 2015
But what I think is interesting is that I notice lots of people who don't like it tend to have a lot of friends who ask a lot from them financially and I think that's really more based on region/type of peers. So I am southern but live in the Midwest and its all very laid back within certain limits of politeness. But maybe in urban areas with young professionals it's nore... Ugh. Because I have a friend from College and she did a big destination wedding and had like four showers and registered from crate and barrel and pottery barn and had her bachelorette in Aruba or something. I'd be annoyed to be out that kind of money if I had a bunch of friends like that.
But that's not me.
Married: May 16th 2015
Married: May 16th 2015
i love books. I asked for books as Christmas presents a lot growing up. My Christmas lists always contained more book titles than toys on them.
The whole "don't dictate my present/I will give from the heart and if it's not a book whatever" lines are getting old.
1. No one is dictating gifts. It's a suggestion, not a demand.
2. If you don't think that I put time and energy from the heart into picking out a book for someone, you're crazy.
Think back to your favorite books as children. I have such fond memories of my parents reading me Goodnight Moon. I even have a recorded copy. Every single time I gift a book like Goodnight Moon, I think of my parents and how loved I was and how they instilled a love of reading in me at a young age. It's easy to imagine the friend I'm gifting the book to reading it to her child/children. It warms my heart and makes me smile. I don't get that feeling from a $1 card or even a $10 card.
If you don't want to get a book, fine. No one's forcing you to. If you hate all the parties, don't go.
Married: October 23, 2010
DS: 8/7/2013
#2 EDD: 6/29/2016, C Section: 6/22/2016
anyway I am so on board with the book thing now b/c the more you think of it you realize, even my very favorite cards are in the trash now, and even my least favorite books are still on somebodies bookshelf.
July16 JULY siggy challenge
eta to add picture.
I just want to say that I super appreciate the fact that you searched that out to put it here. I love people who are problem solvers.