Books instead of cards?

jlgriff11 · February 2016

What do you guys think about how people sometimes request signed books instead of cards at baby showers? Like...A & J are registered at Babies R Us and would also like to request books for the babies library or...instead of cards, sign a book, new or used, to contribute to the new babies library? I'm torn on it. I've seen it done before and it was adorable and I loved it- and I'm a really big reader so I would love to read to my babies, but some people think it's tacky. Is there any way to request the books that isn't tacky? I haven't registered for any big items except for swings and bouncers, so pretty much everything on my registry is under $40. Would asking for books be too presumptuous? I have registered for books on my amazon registry but that was mostly for me for completion purposes.

I think a five dollar card I'm going to toss could easily be replaced by a five dollar book that I can treasure for years to come.

Thoughts?

MrsRo731 · February 2016

I think it's completely acceptable, because the gift giver can just deduct the amount of the book from the total amount they plan on spending. That's what I do. If someone asks me to bring a book for baby's collection and I normally spend $50 or so on a gift, I just get a $5 or $10 book and a $45 or $40 gift (or something like that). I really love the book idea because it's a great way to build baby's book collection.

LifeofLauren2 · February 2016

We always do books instead of cards for baby showers in my family. The person registers for a bunch of books (under $10) and then each family member buys one of the books instead of a card! It's always worked out great for us. Maybe just put an insert in your baby shower invitation asking that guests purchase one of the books on your registry instead of a card so that the babies will always know how cherished they are.

MrsRo731 · February 2016

santababy1215 said:

I would just register for a bunch of books.

Bringing a book instead of a card also poses problems if there are signed duplicates that you then can't return.

I recently attended a shower where the host had purchased a bunch of books and set them
up on a table where people could write notes inside. It helped her start a library and she was able to avoid getting duplicates that she couldn't return.

This is a good idea, too. When we've done the book thing we haven't actually asked for books instead of cards for the reason PP said above. Also, with my shower, I amazingly didn't get any duplicates for books. I was surprised about that.

john5111 · February 2016

Ive done it at showers.. none of mine were that way but it is a fun idea..just expect to get a little bit less than youd normally get. You can find cute books now a days for 5 or so at like Tj maxx too.

MamaBish · February 2016

I would just register for books. I think it's rude to force people to bring a specific gift. Sure, a book can be inexpensive, but some people don't have a lot of money, so they will feel obligated to not only bring a regular gift, but now they have to bring a book too because if they don't, they are afraid of how it will look.

dolewhipper · February 2016

MamaBish said:

I would just register for books. I think it's rude to force people to bring a specific gift. Sure, a book can be inexpensive, but some people don't have a lot of money, so they will feel obligated to not only bring a regular gift, but now they have to bring a book too because if they don't, they are afraid of how it will look.

This. Just register for a bunch of books and get it out there how you're excited to read to your LO. I hate when hosts tell me I have to take something like a book or diapers, I want to tell them, "Then go buy you're own damn ____!" There are registries but we all know people don't follow them.

brittneymast · February 2016

Wow people are sensitive about this!

Here's what I think when I get a baby shower invite: "Oh, you want me to bring a book...great!" "Oh, you want me to bring diapers...great!" Know why? Because the host gets to choose how to host her own party, and I get to choose whether or not I'm going to go. Don't like the way the party is being thrown? Don't go. But don't complain about a request from the host, because she's the one throwing the party. She doesn't have to spend money to feed you and provide drinks and prizes for games, but she will. So if you're asked to bring a book instead of a card, or to bring diapers, just go with it. Sure, you'd do it differently, and you can the next time you host a party. But if you choose to attend a party, then don't create drama about what you're agreeing to take part in by attending.
So yes, ask for books instead of cards! This is a world where someone will always complain...so do what makes the most sense to you

Enjoy!

magzor · February 2016

I know a lot of people don't like it, but I personally love bringing a book instead of a card and I do it even if it's not requested. If you google "baby shower bring a book" there are a ton of cute poems that emphasize that you don't NEED to bring a book, or that the book can be used. I do agree with PPs that sometimes there are duplicates, so you might want to put them on your registry.

thebigoaktree · February 2016

I agree with PP on the registering of the books in question. Amazon makes this really easy because they have so many and you can pick out what you want, or it also give the guests something to lean towards if they want to go sans list. Personally I'd rather get someone something they need/want/like and it's easier on you as well. I had to go to my first baby shower a few years ago and I had no idea what I was doing, I was just told she needs bottles. Do you not know how many different types of bottles there are? Also, I'm doing the book thing if people have no idea what to get us because a book is for life and reading is important.

quartz02 · February 2016

I think anything that request/demands something would get an eyeroll from me (books in lieu of cards, wear a particular outfit for a 'sex reveal')... but I'd honestly still do it. I hate buying cards and the Little Golden Books on Amazon are comparable in price to a greeting card anyway.

Maybe put something on the registry notes about baby books being welcome, as you want to build your kids' library? But not say "buy a book instead of a card". That's my suggestion.

stephweinstein · February 2016

I think if your guests want to bring a book instead of a card, they will. It's pretty inappropriate to dictate where people spend their money.

thebigoaktree · February 2016

Is your baby shower going to be a book theme? Then no one can say anything.

mandyjulie · February 2016

brittneymast said:

Wow people are sensitive about this! Here's what I think when I get a baby shower invite: "Oh, you want me to bring a book...great!" "Oh, you want me to bring diapers...great!" Know why? Because the host gets to choose how to host her own party, and I get to choose whether or not I'm going to go. Don't like the way the party is being thrown? Don't go. But don't complain about a request from the host, because she's the one throwing the party. She doesn't have to spend money to feed you and provide drinks and prizes for games, but she will. So if you're asked to bring a book instead of a card, or to bring diapers, just go with it. Sure, you'd do it differently, and you can the next time you host a party. But if you choose to attend a party, then don't create drama about what you're agreeing to take part in by attending.
So yes, ask for books instead of cards! This is a world where someone will always complain...so do what makes the most sense to you Enjoy!

@brittneymast

Image: https://i.giphy.com/3o85xHktyE0coUN1x6.gif

While showers are thrown for the purpose of showering the mom-to-be, all parties are also supposed to consider the comfort of your guests, as well. That's just general etiquette. You provide enough seating, food, drink... clearly the guests matter, too.

The fact that you're OK with putting guests in the awkward position to just NOT GO if they feel they can't afford a book + gift, or just don't want to give a book + gift, is really kind of the point here.

Personally, I'd rather everyone feel welcome at a party I'm hosting for a mother-to-be, regardless of what they can or want to bring.

I don't think people are being "sensitive" -- OP asked what people think, and people chimed in with their opinions of it. So now you know -- some guests simply don't like it. They most likely choose to come anyway, and might choose to do the book, too. But not because they wanted to do it.

Singingmama10 · February 2016

I just went to a shower two days ago where they requested both books and diapers.... their gift was pretty small after all of that and I think it was a bit rude. But I don't mind requesting one or the other. "Request" being the key word. I get annoyed when people's invitations say something like "Please, instead of a card bring a book". I know it is just wording, but I appreciate way more when someone says "if you would like to replace the card with a book...". I know that seems knit picky but I just appreciate it a lot more.

HMcDade1 · February 2016

I love the idea of having books on a table for people to sign. Best of both worlds- you get your books and guests don't feel obligated to buy them. There's no doubt people will bring books as gifts especially if you register for them - but if you're looking to start a large collection I would get the ones you love/want instead of asking for them as cards.

alyssavalentino · February 2016

I personally love this idea, cards are so damn expensive. I definitely think diaper raffles are more tacky.

mamafox14 · February 2016

I don't see a problem with wanting books instead of cards, but maybe that is just because I hate buying cards because I always feel like they are wasteful. But I still to this day have my copy of The Giving Tree that a family friend brought to my mom's baby shower (when she was pregnant with me) and it means a lot to me. As far as perception of such a request I think making it clear that it's optional is a safe bet.

mckcak23 · February 2016

You can find cute wording online to suggest the idea of doing a book instead of a card. Personally I like the idea. I would never word it in a way that was a demand or a must. I also do not worry about getting duplicates just because there are plenty of places that my kid will be that can use the book (grandparents houses, babysitters, car, other rooms in the house).

noelietrex · February 2016

Bleh I have no idea what is okay etiquette-wise. I LOVE books instead of cards (and usually do this all the time wether it's requested or not)! Since you're having twins I'd probably buy you 2 because books are awesome and I love encouraging kids to read! I would be pissed if someone asked me to bring disposable diapers or wear pink/blue though and I might even decide to skip a shower based on those requests. I vote do whatever you want, just try to gauge your attendees for best results. I like the idea of having guests sign books put out by the host as a compromise if you decide you don't want to include books instead of cards on the invite.

MamaBish · February 2016

brittneymast said:

Wow people are sensitive about this! Here's what I think when I get a baby shower invite: "Oh, you want me to bring a book...great!" "Oh, you want me to bring diapers...great!" Know why? Because the host gets to choose how to host her own party, and I get to choose whether or not I'm going to go. Don't like the way the party is being thrown? Don't go. But don't complain about a request from the host, because she's the one throwing the party. She doesn't have to spend money to feed you and provide drinks and prizes for games, but she will. So if you're asked to bring a book instead of a card, or to bring diapers, just go with it. Sure, you'd do it differently, and you can the next time you host a party. But if you choose to attend a party, then don't create drama about what you're agreeing to take part in by attending.
So yes, ask for books instead of cards! This is a world where someone will always complain...so do what makes the most sense to you Enjoy!

I don't see anyone saying they would "create drama" just people saying if they would find it rude. If I were invited to a party, and this was requested, I would still think it is rude but I would simply do whatever I wanted anyway. I would go and decide what gift to bring. I certainly wouldn't create drama and say anything about it.

thebigoaktree · February 2016

noelietrex wait, is the wearing blue or pink a thing? I've never heard of that request. I don't like that idea at all.

stephweinstein · February 2016

mckcak23 said:

You can find cute wording online to suggest the idea of doing a book instead of a card. Personally I like the idea. I would never word it in a way that was a demand or a must. I also do not worry about getting duplicates just because there are plenty of places that my kid will be that can use the book (grandparents houses, babysitters, car, other rooms in the house).

Here's a rhyme for ya honey,

Don't tell me how to spend my money.

thebigoaktree · February 2016

stephweinstein said:

mckcak23 said:

You can find cute wording online to suggest the idea of doing a book instead of a card. Personally I like the idea. I would never word it in a way that was a demand or a must. I also do not worry about getting duplicates just because there are plenty of places that my kid will be that can use the book (grandparents houses, babysitters, car, other rooms in the house).

Here's a rhyme for ya honey,
Don't tell me how to spend my money.

Here's a line from the poem by salt n pepper:
"Opinion's are like a**holes and everybody's got one"

austinjl · February 2016

I like this idea and agree with @MrsRo731 to just deduct 5-10 dollars from what you were planning on spending anyway. But I was confused the first time I received a baby shower invite that said 'please bring book in lieu of card'. I was wondering if I should sign the book (like I would sign a card) but was worried about if the MTB got duplicates and wanted to return. When I got to the shower, many people were confused as well. I like the idea of finding a cute poem that explains what MTB is trying to do. I don't really care much about etiquette as its a waste of my time/energy to get annoyed/upset at how the host/MTB wants the shower to go.

mandyjulie · February 2016

MamaBish said:

brittneymast said:

Wow people are sensitive about this! Here's what I think when I get a baby shower invite: "Oh, you want me to bring a book...great!" "Oh, you want me to bring diapers...great!" Know why? Because the host gets to choose how to host her own party, and I get to choose whether or not I'm going to go. Don't like the way the party is being thrown? Don't go. But don't complain about a request from the host, because she's the one throwing the party. She doesn't have to spend money to feed you and provide drinks and prizes for games, but she will. So if you're asked to bring a book instead of a card, or to bring diapers, just go with it. Sure, you'd do it differently, and you can the next time you host a party. But if you choose to attend a party, then don't create drama about what you're agreeing to take part in by attending.
So yes, ask for books instead of cards! This is a world where someone will always complain...so do what makes the most sense to you Enjoy!

I don't see anyone saying they would "create drama" just people saying if they would find it rude. If I were invited to a party, and this was requested, I would still think it is rude but I would simply do whatever I wanted anyway. I would go and decide what gift to bring. I certainly wouldn't create drama and say anything about it.

Good point @mamabish. Isn't it closer to "creating drama" to just decline the RSVP for no obvious reason to the host/mom-to-be? Then the host or mom-to-be might ask why you can't make it, and then what... you'd have to make up a lie or tell them it's because of the book request...?

Just not going seems like pulling more of a drama move than simply not doing the book thing if you don't want to. As a guest and gift-giver, you always get to pick what you bring. It's not a god-given right to get whatever you want for your baby shower. Even the registry is only a guide.

quartz02 · February 2016

@thebigoaktree it's Pepa

LOL!

ButterMyBiscuit · February 2016

@jlgriff11 I like the idea and I think if it's carefully worded, no one will get their PANTIES in a wad. Unlike some folks on this thread.

thebigoaktree · February 2016

quartz02 said:

@thebigoaktree it's Pepa LOL!

It was better than the Luda lyrics I was going to use

. Blame it on my half cracka self.

dolewhipper · February 2016

mandyjulie stephweinstein you both have me laughing so hard at work.

A poem doesn't make it any better.

I'm not complaining, and the least bit sensitive. I know how to host a proper party (which, by the way, you don't need games or even a lot of food if you host during non meal times), and I know how to make sure all of my guests feel comfortable. Which includes not voluntelling them what to gift, wear, or bring with them. I'm not going to "go with it" if I don't want to.

jennyleigh16 · February 2016

I've been to showers like this before and I just factor the price of the book into whatever I'm spending on the gift.

I had never thought of registering for books before but I think you miss part of the appeal of asking for books that way. I would want my friends and family to bring their favourite childhood books, stuff they loved as a kid. For example, my good friend lives in Australia and for Christmas she brought me a favourite she reads to her kids (she's a teacher) from a popular Australian author that I never would have heard of. I get it if you're trying to have a full collection of a certain series or something, but I think the charm of getting books as shower gifts is the variety and discovering different authors that lead you to new books down the line.

TiffRox81 · February 2016

@jlgriff11 Love it!!! I've gone to a few showers where this has been a request. Have you purchased a greeting card these days?! At $5 a pop, I'd rather tack on a couple more bucks and get baby something that's used for years to come!! I plan to ask for the wording on my shower invite as well. I figure if people aren't into it, they'll just pretend they missed the verbiage and give you a card. Whatever. Even a handful of books is better than a handful of more cards!!

PinkLady2015 · February 2016

honestly, the costs of cards is flipping ridiculous ($6 for a piece of paper?!) and I'd gladly buy a book that's a couple extra dollars that I know mom and baby would have for awhile...

thebigoaktree · February 2016

Can I change the request for guests to actually just buy me books? Or is that being selfish?

magzor · February 2016

I bought a card for a first birthday party this past weekend. I didn't check the price, just thought the giraffe on the front was cute! At check out, I find the card was $9.99. $9.99. That is insane. I had also gotten a book as part of the birthday present, I wish I'd just written my message in there!

quartz02 · February 2016

@marowan as my mom would say, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!!!" Seriously guys, check out Little Golden Books on Amazon. My favorite childhood book which I like to give:

The Monster at the End of this Book $2.60

They also have all kinds of Disney, Star Wars, Super Heroes, etc.

jennyleigh16 · February 2016

quartz02 said:

@marowan as my mom would say, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!!!" Seriously guys, check out Little Golden Books on Amazon. My favorite childhood book which I like to give:
The Monster at the End of this Book $2.60
They also have all kinds of Disney, Star Wars, Super Heroes, etc.

My mom used to read this to me when I was a kid! The very tattered and well loved copy is still somewhere in my closet at my parents' cottage.

Weville · February 2016

Since cards cost pretty much the same as an inexpensive book and last way longer I'd have no problem doing that

edited because I suck at words

MrsRo731 · February 2016

quartz02 said:

@marowan as my mom would say, "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!!!" Seriously guys, check out Little Golden Books on Amazon. My favorite childhood book which I like to give:
The Monster at the End of this Book $2.60
They also have all kinds of Disney, Star Wars, Super Heroes, etc.

@quartz02 My DD loves that book - she is obsessed! That's one of my go-to gifts

mnkenned · February 2016

My friend did this and I plan to do it as well. Her shower planner send out a little sticker with the invitations so that you could write to/from+a message and stick it to the inside of the book (I just tucked mine in in case she got duplicates. I think it's such a great idea.

Puddles03 · February 2016

I did this for my first, we just put in the card that if you would prefer to sign the inside of a book instead of a card it would be gladly appreciated. As a teacher everyone knew how highly I value reading but I put it as an option not as a requirement and most people brought books we still read with our DD. I think it's a great idea!

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