My baby's father is 28 and I'm 16, help

taylorj513 · January 2016

I just want to know if it's possible for me to put him on the birth certificate without him getting arrested and/or sent to jail. We live in Minnesota and I was 16 when I got pregnant if that helps at all. I really don't care about anyone's opinions on our relationship, I just want an answer to my question. I know I'm not the first person this has happened to. If I could get advice from people who've been through this or know someone who has that'd be great. TIA

Sarcasm101 · January 2016

taylorj513 said:

I just want to know if it's possible for me to put him on the birth certificate without him getting arrested and/or sent to jail. We live in Minnesota and I was 16 when I got pregnant if that helps at all. I really don't care about anyone's opinions on our relationship, I just want an answer to my question. I know I'm not the first person this has happened to. If I could get advice from people who've been through this or know someone who has that'd be great. TIA

I am not certain on the laws in Minn, but I am fairly confident that a 28 year old having sec with a 16 year old is statutory rape. So you might want to do some research.

All I can say is if you are truly worried about him going to jail/ being arrested, you might have wanted to consider that before starting the relationship.

People can express their opinions to your post if they feel like it.

Bringmemylongswordho · January 2016

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

missteacherlady16 · January 2016

Oh boy...

Image: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/8a/ea/e0/8aeae012e04261d0aa7584ee2dcc4610.gif

Sarcasm101 · January 2016

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

Groom? Gross. Did I miss something?

missteacherlady16 · January 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

Groom? Gross. Did I miss something?

Continue to be her fiance/groom

thebigoaktree · January 2016

I can't wait to come back and check this thread in an hour.

thebigoaktree · January 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

Groom? Gross. Did I miss something?

Stockholm syndrome maybe?

bbiutmcph · January 2016

At 16 you truly should run now. A baby alone is going to rock your world, let alone a 28 year old "boyfriend" with an ex and kids from that marriage. Seriously.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

Groom? Gross. Did I miss something?

She posts on a ton of different boards. He has 2 kids already, they are the ones that have to use a closet as a bedroom for all 3 kids (new baby included).

OP I'm not sure what to make of your situation but it's clear you are very young and very naïve. I'm worried for you because this whole situation just sounds shitty to be honest.

Bringmemylongswordho · January 2016

thebigoaktree said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

Groom? Gross. Did I miss something?

Stockholm syndrome maybe?

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_grooming

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

OP do you have family?

Sarcasm101 · January 2016

missteacherlady16 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

Groom? Gross. Did I miss something?

Continue to be her fiance/groom

Groom as in a wedding reference doesn't really make sense. I took it as groom as in mold/ change.

MamaBish · January 2016

Part you want to hear: 16 is the age of consent in your state. He won't go to jail for it.

Part you need to hear: definitely put his name on the birth certificate because he will most likely get bored eventually and you will want to have it documented so you can get child support.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

MamaBish said:

Part you want to hear: 16 is the age of consent in your state. He won't go to jail for it. Part you need to hear: definitely put his name on the birth certificate because he will most likely get bored eventually and you will want to have it documented so you can get child support.

Yes. He was already married to someone he "didn't love" and had 2 kids with her so I'm betting he will do that same to you OP.

goldie987 · January 2016

16 is the age of consent but in many states it is still considered statutory rape if you're under 18 and more than 2 or 3 years apart in age. That being said, if everything else you've posted is true, then you should put him on the birth certificate so if things go south, he is still in the hook for supporting you and your baby. If he ends up in trouble, then so be it. The law is in place for a reason and if he chose to violate it and have sex with someone so young, he needs to man up and accept the consequences.

thebigoaktree · January 2016

This is all I got.

Image: https://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/webdr06/2013/9/13/11/anigif_enhanced-buzz-4118-1379087507-51.gif

WiggityG · January 2016

OP you are 16. You are 16 and he is 28. You live in an apartment and plan on putting all 3 kids in a walk in closet. You plan on watching all three kids: ages 6, 5, and NB, from 8am - 10:30pm on Saturdays and 8-4 on Sundays. You are a child yourself, how do you possibly see any part of your situation as feasible?

I have to ask: what about school? Are you in school?

Sarcasm101 · January 2016

WiggityG said:

OP you are 16. You are 16 and he is 28. You live in an apartment and plan on putting all 3 kids in a walk in closet. You plan on watching all three kids: ages 6, 5, and NB, from 8am - 10:30pm on Saturdays and 8-4 on Sundays. You are a child yourself, how do you possibly see any part of your situation as feasible?

I have to ask: what about school? Are you in school?

I wonder if the older children's mom knows that this is the plan?

ETA: I just realized OP is closer in age to her Fi's kids than she is to her FI

KelBelleBaby · January 2016

thebigoaktree said:
This is all I got.

Bahahaha! Man I love gifs. My first thought as well.

Bigboobsmcgee · January 2016

OP usually comes back to her threads. I hope this will actually open her eyes and not scare her off.

2goofykids · January 2016

Okay. The age of consent where you live is 16, however most states regulate that if the age difference is more than 10 years, there can be legal action taken against him if you or your guardians chose to press charges. That being said, from other posts of yours that I've read, this does not sound like a healthy relationship for someone of your age to be in. So while you can put his name on the birth certificate, I would hope that there is someone else you could be with during this new and challenging time in your life. Maybe some other family member you could stay with. You are free to make your own choices, but please consider what is best for you and your child, even if it means giving this relationship some distance.

pourmeanothermocktail · January 2016

OP - I got pregnant at 16, and while I would never WISH this on anyone, I ended up miscarrying at 5-6 weeks and I was relieved. It was awful, but afterwards I tend to think that a miscarriage right then was probably best for me. I do not mean to say that this is right for ANYONE else, only that for me it was.

I'm impressed that you're so ready and willing to handle the tough job of being a teen parent, and I'm glad that you want to take responsibility and learn and grow for this to happen. That is a huge step. Congrats on your pregnancy and be proud that you're stepping up to this next phase in your life.

At the same time, I am VERY worried for you. It sounds to me like your fiance hasn't been very responsible with his sex life, it also sounds like his ex has not only the two kids with him, but potentially other kids as well? This whole situation for all three of you sounds like a disaster on it's way to happening.

Yes, put him on the birth certificate. But at the same time dear, look into a backup plan for yourself and your baby. What if things don't work out with him, or what if the apartment doesn't pan out, or what-if 1000 other unexpected things happen?

Do you have family support or a friend or anyone that you and your LO might be able to stay, while you finish out high school/GED at least (or whatever your schooling plans are)? This man is old enough to nearly be your father, I worry about his motives. My 20 year old sister was dating a 37 year old man, and even though that's not statutory rape anywhere, my family got together and were able to show her how unhealthy the relationship was for the both of them. Age gaps happen, but a 16 year old and a 28 year old honestly aren't typically in the same mental/emotional places in life or wanting the same things. Please at LEAST have a back up plan in place for yourself.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/1v/buv806ndxds6.gif

Edited: cuz forgot cute gif

SarahFoley725 · January 2016

This makes me so incredibly sad. I have a sister your age and if a 28 year old MAN came near her, it would absolutely be the last thing that he did. He is taking advantage of you. You are young and I'm certain that you feel special and loved that someone so grown chose you out of all of them other girls. That is not what happened. He is preying on you. There is something very wrong with him. Please get out while you can.

Where is your family? Did you have a fight and move our or are they not present? Go home to SOMEONE if it isn't your parents find an aunt or a grandparent literally anyone but the father of your child. Just because this baby is permanent, doesn't mean that he has to be. I also know it's probably impossible to see things from our perspective, but the fact that you said you don't want opinions on your relationship tells me that you know deep down there is something very wrong.

afrazer521 · January 2016

I'm sorry but if he's 28 then he knows how to use birth control and knows what happens when you don't use it, especially considering he already has kids. Honestly, if he truly loved you and cared for you he wouldn't want to get you pregnant at 16. He would know that at 16 there are much more important things than becoming a mother.... Hunny if he's ok getting you pregnant at 16 and leaving you with 3 kids and putting them in a closet....that's not love. That's not a relationship.

DrillSergeantCat · January 2016

Sarcasm101 said:

missteacherlady16 said:

Sarcasm101 said:

Bringmemylongswordho said:

Well lucky for him, 16 is the age of consent in Minnesota so he can continue to groom you and keep acting as a predator.

Groom? Gross. Did I miss something?

Continue to be her fiance/groom

Groom as in a wedding reference doesn't really make sense. I took it as groom as in mold/ change.

She means groom as in what pedophiles do to children. They groom them to believe that the behavior and acts they're doing to the children are normal. As each thing becomes normal and the child becomes comfortable with it, they go to the next step.

sarahufl · January 2016

What does a 28 year old man have in common with a 16 year old girl anyway?

These situations always skeeve me out.

Ready4theParty · January 2016

I agree with pps. Put him on the birth certificate to make sure he's on the hook for child support should things go south at any point in the next 18 years. If he gets arrested you could plead your case or have your guardians not press charges but as they are adults you may not have a choice.

Also hospital staff like nurses and doctors are required by law to report inappropriate relationships...so whether or not you put him on the birth certificate to avoid jail it might moot point.

kyraaD · January 2016

the fact that he's 28 & actually has interest in a 16y/o really grosses me out. if my son (when he grows up) were to ever bring home at 16y/o girlfriend when he is 28, i would call the cops on him.

i hope you know OP that he will do exactly the same thing to you that he did to the other woman he had 2 children with. i would try to give advice, but you seem really picky about the advice you want to recieve

so.. good luck with that.

ETA: i just wanted to add that i actually have been in your shoes. i was 16 & started talking to a guy online who told me he was 19. turns out he was 26. being 16 i didn't see anything wrong with it, but now that I'm 21, i want to slap my past self in the face. no, i never got pregnant by him, but i was still still in a similar situation as you. get out. now.

elasticheart13 · January 2016

OP, I seriously hope you come back to the thread and read the great advice you have been given by the pps. This does not sound like a healthy relationship in any kind of way.

fourtsixand2 · January 2016

The simple fact that this man is 28 and preying on a 16 year old is a reason of major concern for me. If you care about your baby, and yourself, you will put his name on the birth certificate. When this baby comes you're going to be in for an awakening with the costs associated with having children and you are going to need child support. If you don't name him as the father, you won't be able to claim child support.
I know you stated you don't want opinions on your relationship, so that tells me that you do believe it is either 'wrong' or 'unhealthy'. If you don't care, it won't bother you when I say that you really should step away from this relationship.
If he was unconcerned enough to have sex with a 16 year old, knowing the consequences, he should be responsible enough to see to it that his child receives appropriate financial support. He should also know that if there are reproductions to his actions, he will just have to deal with them.
Lucky for you both, I think he's safe in the way of age of consent, but I'm not 100% sure on that.
Good luck to you....please, take care of yourself and your baby. You really shouldn't be worried about what will happen to him if he gets "in trouble", but rather how you're going to manage a baby at the age of 16 whether it be with or without his help.

PhoebeJune1984 · January 2016

WiggityG said:

OP you are 16. You are 16 and he is 28. You live in an apartment and plan on putting all 3 kids in a walk in closet. You plan on watching all three kids: ages 6, 5, and NB, from 8am - 10:30pm on Saturdays and 8-4 on Sundays. You are a child yourself, how do you possibly see any part of your situation as feasible?

I have to ask: what about school? Are you in school?

Sounds more like a babysitter. This makes me sad. I remember what I was like at 16, and I cannot imagine taking on this much responsibility. Even when I was 20 and thought I was ready for babies, I am glad I waited until I was 27, because a lot of fun was to still be had between 16 and 27!

PinkLady2015 · January 2016

I'm going to go against what other posters have said, and advise against putting him on the birth certificate. If you do, this may make it much easier for him to gain custody of your child and he sounds like a predator. That is not to say that he can't ask for a paternity test later and seek a court order to get visitation and custody, but it creates more barriers and obstacles for him to overcome in order to do. I don't know if you have any friends or family willing to help support you right now, but you may want to strongly consider speaking with a lawyer about the legal ramifications of putting his name on the birth certificate or not including it. Child support isn't a guarantee even if he's working and if he's not the minimum is $100/month. You could apply for state welfare benefits and leave it up to the District Attorney in your state to go after him for repayment of the benefits and assume the burden of proving paternity.

flowerpower5838 · January 2016

Just a quick google search shows me that the age of consent in MN is 16. It is always statutory rape if the underage person is under the age of 13 and an underage person between the ages of 13-16 (so 13, 14, 15)can consent to someone that is 48 months older, so I think your FI is in the clear legally.

However, that in no way, shape or form makes this morally or ethically OK. Not judging you AT ALL for the teen pregnancy, but please please please take some of the amazing advice above and get out of what is clearly a toxic situation. There is no reason a nearly 30 year old man should seek the company of a girl that should be worried about JR prom. He is preying on you. YOU will be the ex that he never really loved when the next girl comes along.

KelBelleBaby · January 2016

I think the birth certificate is the least of your worries. He can always be proven as the father through DNA at any point in time.

I think the bigger issue here is that you live in a 1 bedroom apartment (as a minor with a man almost twice your age) and plan to use the closet as a bedroom for 2 kids and a newborn. If your concern is him getting in trouble, I think this stuff is what would be the tipping point for that, not the birth certificate. Clearly people know you live with him and he hasn't been arrested yet. And at 16, I would think any objection on the parental side is nonexistent since you are already living in this situation.

I beg you to start looking at this whole thing from an adult perspective, since that is what this pregnancy has solidified. Adulthood. I don't know what the rest of your life is like because you haven't returned to answer any questions, but please try and see everything from all angles and start making wiser choices. For your sake and your baby's.

taylorj513 · January 2016

Thank you all for your responses, I have an idea from most of your answers what I should do. Wish me luck! (By the way, it's not an actual closet we're putting the baby in it's a walk in that's like the size of a small room, just for the record and we don't have his kids 24/7 and they're not all going to be sleeping in there).

kalanieileen · January 2016

taylorj513 said:

Thank you all for your responses, I have an idea from most of your answers what I should do. Wish me luck! (By the way, it's not an actual closet we're putting the baby in it's a walk in that's like the size of a small room, just for the record and we don't have his kids 24/7 and they're not all going to be sleeping in there).

From this response, sounds like your mind is already made up even before posting.

bbiutmcph · January 2016

OP I knew that most of these responses would just be blown off and a lot of that is due to your age. I don't mean that to be rude or mean but just in truth because you are 16 and truly are thinking like a 16 year old. I just wish you were able to see from an outside perspective how this is likely going to pan out for you and really hope you take some of the advice you have got to heart. There is a 99.9999% chance in the future you will be in his ex's shoes and I can only hope you have some outside support at that time and can build a solid life for you and your child. Your life is going to change so much, we can't even tell you how drastically. I truly am sad that you are in this spot and wish you well because a newborn and being a step parent with massive responsibility is hard for an adult I can't image a child doing it.

purplefan1 · January 2016

I dunno......I dont know that I would want to put someone who makes such horrible life decisions on my babys birth certificate. I dont know that I would want him to think he could have anything to do with my child. And forget child support. If he has other kids the support you may get from him could be nil. Walk away while you can and build your support network of healthy people!! Wishing you the best and not judging you, but definitely judging him.

Shelby00519 · January 2016

I live in Minnesota and I know of someone who has been in a situation like this. The father wasn't put in jail but he is now (rightfully so) listed as a sex offender.