FTM and I ended up being induced which lead to a csection and I just can't help feeling like I wasn't able to do it "right" the only thing I went into the hospital not wanting was a csection and that's what I got. Has anyone else experienced this before? I feel like this is such a silly thing to get worked up over but i cannot help it.
Re: Feeling "broken" because of CS
I've had some talks with my midwife about it since and ive started to put it behind me. It can definitely feel like a loss but, at the end of the day you have a LO here who is healthy. It's been really tough for me to accept that my plan was thrown out. But, talking about it definitely helps.
Feel better soon mama! And don't dwell on whether or not you did it "right". You did what you needed to do for your LO. That's a pretty strong mama! Chin up! xo
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Congratulations mama! You did it! I hope your feeling better soon.
You are not broken at all
I suggest going to see a therapist or counselor because that's what I'm going to do.
I'm a STM and I was banking on a vaginal delivery. I had a picture perfect induction with my DD1. DD2 is breech. Unless by some miracle she turns her butt around, I'm having a C-section. I don't want a C-section. I'm a type 1 diabetic so it means more risks and a longer hospital stay. I see a therapist every week and she knows we will have to work through this. It's hard because I'm a pediatric nurse and I know exactly why my OB would do a C-section for a breech baby, but I still want a vaginal delivery.
what helped me was typing up my birth story. it made me rethink the experience as a whole and now I am just happy.
here is how i typed it up https://rakastajatar.tumblr.com/post/137723776607/the-day-i-became-a-mother
at FB there is a c-section mamma group, I just joined. it's a great bunch of momma's who can help as well
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Now I am just frustrated and sad. It was not the birth experience I had imagined and now the recovery sucks! I want to be able to take care of my baby but lifting him all day is impossible and all he wants is to be carried around. Luckily I have the most supportive husband in the world who is staying with me to do all the lifting but it is just adding to me feeling of failure.
I am glad to hear I am not the only one feeling broken and I hope this feeling starts to fade for us.
With DD two years ago, I got to 7cm pretty good and then nothing for 2 hours. There was meconium when my water broke around 7am and they ideally said they want this baby delivered within 12 hours. Heart rate started dropping around 6:30pm... they gave me another 30 minutes to move around and relax to see if I could dilate a bit more.. nope, c-section was decided and DD was here within minutes. DD broke her mid-clavicle trying to come out and when she was being taken out of my pelvis, the whole OR heard a pop from her head sectioning out. Like PP, (frankly) doctor said my pelvis sucks and I wouldn't be able to deliver anything over 7 pounds. Fast forward to today and I'm 27 days away from a RCS. While deciding between VBAC or RCS, even though doctor openly suggested RCS based on my first go-round, I asked her (of course while ugly crying in her office) if it's normal to "mourn" the idea of a vaginal birth.... 100% yes!!!! I'm even tearing up thinking about it now because it's something I will never experience and it's 100% okay to have these feelings. The only thing that got me through DD and will get me through this RCS is knowing that my "birth plan" in the end, is to have mommy and baby alive and healthy! You never know what future pregnancies may have in store but congratulations on that beautiful baby girl!
I was devastated after my unplanned c section. I chose a hospital and midwife with a low c section rate. I researched natural birth. In the end I felt so betrayed by my body. I had some complications from the surgery and I feel like I missed the first day of my baby's life. I cried every night for a week and would replay the birth in my head. I had a legit panic attack when I went back to the hospital two weeks later. I honestly don't think I will ever get over what happened, but the feelings are fading a little for me.
You are not alone in your feelings at all, but know that it does get better with time.
Like @Rakastajatar , I wrote out my birth story. My doula told me that it was important to talk about it. Talking about it is hard, but I think it will be easier to do so with people who have also had difficult experiences. So, no, you are not alone in how you are feeling:)
Ladies, thank you for sharing your stories-- I can definitely relate!
The thing that is really getting to me is how many different people have commented that without modern medicine, the baby and I both would have died during childbirth due to him being stuck. Like almost everyone has said this to me. I'm not sure why people feel the need to say that. It's definitely a strange thing to think about and I personally don't want to.
I'm a nurse and I don't know as much as an OBGYN.
I also felt useless after having DD2. I couldn't move around how I wanted to. I was discharged after 3 days in the hospital because I couldn't stand being there any longer. I had DD2 at a hospital that is supposed to be "the baby hospital" in my area. The problem with that is the post partum suites are awful. The bed doesn't work properly and the toilets are too short if you're tall like me. One of the pediatricians checking over DD2 for her actual Ped said she felt the exact same way about the post partum suites. I guess most women lay in bed until their final day in the hospital if they have a c-section. I was moving around ASAP.
At home I am in the recliner and I can move easier. I ensure I have plenty of pain medication on board so I can do whatever I need to for a while and then I go back to resting.