Feeling "broken" because of CS — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

Feeling "broken" because of CS

FTM and I ended up being induced which lead to a csection and I just can't help feeling like I wasn't able to do it "right" the only thing I went into the hospital not wanting was a csection and that's what I got. Has anyone else experienced this before? I feel like this is such a silly thing to get worked up over but i cannot help it.
Hipshakershrsri

Re: Feeling "broken" because of CS

  • I totally hear you. I didn't have a c-section myself but my birth plan did not go as planned. I wanted to labour in tub and prolong an epidural. I wanted just me, DH and our midwife. Two hours of skin to skin after birth. Delayed cord cutting. I wanted all of that. And I ended up with an epidural the moment I walked in the door due to terrible back labour. A sunny side up baby that wouldn't turn. A transfer of care to an OB who had to use a vacuum and forceps to get her out, a room full of nurses and respiratory technicians and a LO who was rushed to the NICU before I could even see her.

    I've had some talks with my midwife about it since and ive started to put it behind me. It can definitely feel like a loss but, at the end of the day you have a LO here who is healthy. It's been really tough for me to accept that my plan was thrown out. But, talking about it definitely helps.

    Feel better soon mama! And don't dwell on whether or not you did it "right". You did what you needed to do for your LO. That's a pretty strong mama! Chin up! xo

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    Hipshakerandimegie325shrsri
  • I was pretty bummed after my c-section with my first. I went in not even really considering that possibility, so it was pretty overwhelming when it happened. Once I started healing and feeling better physically, I started feeling better emotionally too. Talk about it! My husband didn't really get it, but my mom did, she had a c-section with me, so I talked a lot with her. I have since had 2 VBACs, if you have more kids you may have a totally different experience next time!
    Brianna0915babybluuHipshakeranightintunisia
  • Same thing happened to me. I did over 20 hours of med free labor without mention of a problem or possibility of a c-section and then boom surgery. I wasn't expecting no skin to skin and really grieved him not being placed on my chest. I had no idea how much I was looking forward to it until it didn't happen. I wound up having some major baby Blues because of it. What helped me was debriefing the birth with my midwives and actually a counsellor in the hospital. My midwife reminded me that a Caesarian is still a birth, it's hard work and the safest way for me and my son. You spent 9 months or more creating this perfect little person. You are not broken it was just how he came out.
    Congratulations mama! You did it! I hope your feeling better soon.
    image
    Hipshakeranightintunisia
  • I am still waiting for my baby and CS is a possibility. If this would be the case, I will consider myself lucky to live at this time, when we are able to have healthy babies in most cases thanks to advances in medical science. 
    You are not broken at all
    Brianna0915Hipshakerjem8407
  • It's not silly. And it makes your birth experience traumatic because you have to take into consideration all the hormones and expectations. It's not silly at all. You didn't do anything wrong. You did all you possibly could. It's no ones fault.
    I suggest going to see a therapist or counselor because that's what I'm going to do.
    I'm a STM and I was banking on a vaginal delivery. I had a picture perfect induction with my DD1. DD2 is breech. Unless by some miracle she turns her butt around, I'm having a C-section. I don't want a C-section. I'm a type 1 diabetic so it means more risks and a longer hospital stay. I see a therapist every week and she knows we will have to work through this. It's hard because I'm a pediatric nurse and I know exactly why my OB would do a C-section for a breech baby, but I still want a vaginal delivery.

    Hipshaker
  • I ended up with a CS as well. Do take the time to heal and talk out your feelings. 
    what helped me was typing up my birth story. it made me rethink the experience as a whole and now I am just happy.

    here is how i typed it up http://rakastajatar.tumblr.com/post/137723776607/the-day-i-became-a-mother

    at FB there is a c-section mamma group, I just joined. it's a great bunch of momma's who can help as well :)
    Lilypie - Personal pictureLilypie First Birthday tickers

    Married: Feb. 2014
    Age: 35+
    TTC #1: March 2014
    Clomid: 1 cycle no IUI lead to a BFP 
    ChrissyD1203Hipshaker
  • My son is now 17 days old and I still haven't been able to shake the baby blues and I think it is mostly from this broken feeling. I labored for 23 hours with very little progress and they decided it was necessary to do a CS. After delivery they told me there was no way he was coming out naturally as he was very big (9.9) and was lodged in my pelvis (with a serious head dent to prove it) but I still felt like I should have been able to do it even after hearing that! The CS itself was rather traumatic for me and I am having a hard time associating the pain and fear with getting my baby. I feel like I went through difficult surgery and then an hour later someone handed me a baby, not at all like I birthed this baby and he is totally mine. Don't get me wrong I totally love my son!

    Now I am just frustrated and sad. It was not the birth experience I had imagined and now the recovery sucks! I want to be able to take care of my baby but lifting him all day is impossible and all he wants is to be carried around. Luckily I have the most supportive husband in the world who is staying with me to do all the lifting but it is just adding to me feeling of failure.

    I am glad to hear I am not the only one feeling broken and I hope this feeling starts to fade for us.
    HipshakerChrissyD1203MssyMmmy
  • Yep I feel the same way, except I was planning a home birth with my midwife and ended up with a c section. I think we are just grieving the birth that we had imagine. Most people don't want a c section. And even though my baby and I are both perfectly healthy, I still have flashbacks and I'm extremely jealous of anyone who delivered vaginally. I wish so much I was able to experience that. I keep wondering if there was something I could have done differently
    HipshakerMssyMmmy
  • I had a planned cs. I have to say that it was a horrible experience. Laying there unable to move, feeling the yanking and pulling of my mid section. The worse part was the feeling of not being able to breathe. It was terrible..I panicked. They had to give me 3 albuteral treatments. Afterward was better but what I was not expecting, happened 2 wks later.I started experiencing bk and chest pressure and horrible headaches. I am not one to get headaches usually. After about a wk dh called the doc and they sent me to er immediately. I had the start of post partum preeclampsia. I had never heard of this. Blood pressure was way up. They let me go home only on the promise that I would see my doc the next day. I did, and he prescribed me blood pressure pills and pain killers..so far I feel better.. It's not something they speak of after delivery, and it really needs to be addressed to new mothers so they know the symptoms. If my dh hadn't called the doc I know I would not have. Hope this info is helpful to u all.
    HipshakerChrissyD1203claireloSCflutterflutter
  • You are absolutely allowed to feel however you feel, and it's completely understandable given you didn't get the birth experience you wanted. But you just gave birth to a healthy baby, you're a super hero and anything but broken! Congratulations Mama, I hope you feel better soon. 
    Hipshakerbella2210MssyMmmyRakastajatar
  • Lurking from F16 but can completely relate with you and PP.
    With DD two years ago, I got to 7cm pretty good and then nothing for 2 hours. There was meconium when my water broke around 7am and they ideally said they want this baby delivered within 12 hours. Heart rate started dropping around 6:30pm... they gave me another 30 minutes to move around and relax to see if I could dilate a bit more.. nope, c-section was decided and DD was here within minutes. DD broke her mid-clavicle trying to come out and when she was being taken out of my pelvis, the whole OR heard a pop from her head sectioning out. Like PP, (frankly) doctor said my pelvis sucks and I wouldn't be able to deliver anything over 7 pounds. Fast forward to today and I'm 27 days away from a RCS. While deciding between VBAC or RCS, even though doctor openly suggested RCS based on my first go-round, I asked her (of course while ugly crying in her office) if it's normal to "mourn" the idea of a vaginal birth.... 100% yes!!!! I'm even tearing up thinking about it now because it's something I will never experience and it's 100% okay to have these feelings. The only thing that got me through DD and will get me through this RCS is knowing that my "birth plan" in the end, is to have mommy and baby alive and healthy! You never know what future pregnancies may have in store but congratulations on that beautiful baby girl!
    Married: 2012 --- BFP: 2013 - Little Miss arrived: 2014 --- BFP #2: 2015 - EDD: 2/2016 (Team Green)
    claireloSCHipshakerChrissyD1203
  • 3 weeks post partum tomorrow. And still upset about emergency c section. My labor started naturally. Being GBS POSITIVE they induced me. Fully dilated within 12 hours . Pushed for 3 hours. Baby wasn't coming down. Ended up with emergency c section. I was so shattered my bp was way High after operation. I was crying with disappointment. Still depressed. So glad to see I am not alone.
    HipshakerRakastajatarChrissyD1203kristizoe
  • Checking in from D15, but I actually had a J16 baby :)

    I was devastated after my unplanned c section. I chose a hospital and midwife with a low c section rate. I researched natural birth. In the end I felt so betrayed by my body. I had some complications from the surgery and I feel like I missed the first day of my baby's life. I cried every night for a week and would replay the birth in my head. I had a legit panic attack when I went back to the hospital two weeks later. I honestly don't think I will ever get over what happened, but the feelings are fading a little for me.

    You are not alone in your feelings at all, but know that it does get better with time.
    HipshakerChrissyD1203mthoomom
  • I cried for a week after finding out I'd be having a csection. Even had a mother on here shame me for having it. Telling me my doc didn't care about me or my baby. It was awful. I felt like a failure and less of a woman. Less of a mom. I did all the classes and research. I knew what I wanted. My sons 15" head and my narrow pelvis wanted something different. In the end, I have my miracle baby and he has the most loving mother in the world. That's what matters. 
    katiedid0907MssyMmmyHipshakerrainbowminion
  • You had a healthy baby and that is the only thing that matters, even though it didn't happen in the way you thought it would. I know it's hard to see through the fog right now but holding onto that fact is so important. Parenting will likely be the same way as the things you wanted to do may change according to your child's needs. 
  • I am going through the same thing. I labored for 30 hours mostly un medicated and ended up getting a c section. Just remember that you aren't a failure. Try looking into counseling for how you feel. I know I am. I got bronchitis and have a hernia from coughing so I feel really down about now. Just look at your healthy and happy baby and know why the c section happened. 
    ChrissyD1203kristizoeflutterflutter
  • I cried for a week after finding out I'd be having a csection. Even had a mother on here shame me for having it. Telling me my doc didn't care about me or my baby. It was awful. I felt like a failure and less of a woman. Less of a mom. I did all the classes and research. I knew what I wanted. My sons 15" head and my narrow pelvis wanted something different. In the end, I have my miracle baby and he has the most loving mother in the world. That's what matters. 
    This makes me so mad!! Why would anyone in the right mind shame a new mom for having a csection?!? There are already so many emotions flying with having a csection. Sometimes people are horrible. I'm sorry you had to go through that.  :(
    BlueyedskyPedsIsHardcore
  • I had a doula who really helped me with the emotional trauma I felt after my birth experience.  She told me there is even a support group for women who have unplanned c-sections called ICAN -- there is a group on  fb.

    Like @Rakastajatar , I wrote out my birth story.  My doula told me that it was important to talk about it.  Talking about it is hard, but I think it will be easier to do so with people who have also had difficult experiences.  So, no, you are not alone in how you are feeling:)

    Ladies, thank you for sharing your stories-- I can definitely relate!  
    ChrissyD1203MssyMmmyRakastajatar
  • It was extremely frustrating for me because I labored for 30 hours and pushed for 3 full hours. I felt like the team was kind of half assed about it and kept c section in the back of their minds way before I even needed one. I cry everyday because I have a hernia from coughing due to my bronchitis. Luckily my husband is off but I hate asking for help and I'm depressed because I wonder what am I going to do once he goes back to work. 
    kristizoeHipshakerChrissyD1203flutterflutter
  • I'm opposite. My induction led to csection due to baby's HR dropping from cervadil. I'm so thankful and glad we had that option to get her out safe and fast. 

    flutterflutter
  • lol listen you are not alone! Matter of fact you are apart of the club! I had a failed induction that led to a c section 1/18. Baby's heart rate kept pitting around 40 then later spiked over 200 in response to the pitocin. I ended up with a fever, high blood pressure, and no progress past 5cm. When they told me I was having a section I lost it. Totally inconsolable. I tuned everybody out and totally shut down. Not to mention something went wrong with my epi and I could lift my right leg while on the operating table. It was so bad that next time the doc saw me he asked if we were still friends
    flutterflutter
  • It took 5 days or so for it to finally hit me. Went in for an induction. 40 hours later, I was getting an emergency C-Section. The surgery itself went pretty badly. I had a lot of bleeding that wouldn't clot. They had to knock me out completely. I woke up confused and missed seeing my baby out of the womb. It all turned out the exact opposite of what I expected and wanted. At this point, I'm just taking it one day at a time. *Hugs for all the mommas out there going through similar situations! 
    gelor0979flutterflutteranightintunisia
  • Totally get this. I started feeling contractions Saturday night and was up allllll night long when we finally went to L&D at 6:30am. Doctor was so impressed that I made it all the way to 5cm at home without begging for meds. I got my meds within an hour and within 2 I was at 7 cm. 2 hours later I was at 8 and they broke my water. Not that long later watching the monitor her heart rate goes from thsunshine 150s to the 70s and ththe doctors tried to get it back up but to no avail. So like you would see in a movie they rushed me to the OR and gave me an emergency csection. Which is what I really didn't want. They didn't even wanna wait for my belly to get numb so they could put me completely under and I wasn't even able to see her for almost 5 hours cuz they rushed her straight to NICU. They believe her placenta separated and that's what caused the drop in heart rate. But she's here and healthy and cute as a button. So as much as it sucked and its veryyyy painful I'm happy they acted quickly and my daughter is safe. 
    bella2210flutterflutteranightintunisia
  • Ljohn43Ljohn43
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 2016
    I also had a failed induction that lead to a c section after 31 hours of labor including a failed epidural and failed spinal block (had to be knocked out for the procedure). Baby's head was the biggest the dr had ever seen (15.5in) and there was no way he was going to fit. I'm sad I missed that initial time with my baby fresh out the womb and that everyone got to see him before I did, but it's getting better. 

    The thing that is really getting to me is how many different people have commented that without modern medicine, the baby and I both would have died during childbirth due to him being stuck. Like almost everyone has said this to me. I'm not sure why people feel the need to say that. It's definitely a strange thing to think about and I personally don't want to.
  • I think the biggest problem that I've had was feeling useless to my husband. Recovering from the c-section and not being able to move as freely and help around the house was the worst feeling I've ever had. I cant even count how many times I told him I was sorry. He just laughed and said everything was perfect and not to worry about it.

    flutterflutter
  • To me, I think the biggest problem here is too many women want to shame others over having a C-section. Those women need a reality check. I had an emergency C-section. Because I had some time to come to terms with it, I feel pretty okay over it because I know it was medically necessary and if I didn't have it, my little girl would have died. I did everything I could to ensure a vaginal delivery and it wasn't good enough. It happens. There is no right or wrong over the feelings you have about your birth. If you need to mourn and talk to someone, then do it. I am so sick of women shaming other women. We gave birth either way and if they really know better than an OBGYN that you trusted for prenatal care and delivery, then why aren't those women doctors? They don't have all the facts. They don't have all the knowledge.
    I'm a nurse and I don't know as much as an OBGYN.
    I also felt useless after having DD2. I couldn't move around how I wanted to. I was discharged after 3 days in the hospital because I couldn't stand being there any longer. I had DD2 at a hospital that is supposed to be "the baby hospital" in my area. The problem with that is the post partum suites are awful. The bed doesn't work properly and the toilets are too short if you're tall like me. One of the pediatricians checking over DD2 for her actual Ped said she felt the exact same way about the post partum suites. I guess most women lay in bed until their final day in the hospital if they have a c-section. I was moving around ASAP.
    At home I am in the recliner and I can move easier. I ensure I have plenty of pain medication on board so I can do whatever I need to for a while and then I go back to resting.

    essentialpeaceMssyMmmy
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