With my first I allowed pretty much anybody close to me(mom, step mom, sister, dad, of course husband) in the room. With my second my labor was so crazy fast there was no time for anyone to get there and it was just me and my husband. This time I'm leaning towards having it be just the two of us again. I love my family but laboring for me is a very inward thing. I want little distractions around so I can just focus on dealing with the pain and meditating. We might just have another "crazy fast birth " and call everybody afterwards again. Lol
It will be just me, my husband, and the midwife. I've never understood random family members who want go INTO the delivery room uninvited. I actually had to explain to my mother, "That would be like walking in on me in the bathroom. I might be pooping! It's not social time." Family is welcome to hang out in the waiting area, though. And maybe bring me snacks when I want them.
It's likely just DH and me in there. The pup is going to be at the in-laws, so they'll know I'm in labor but I don't plan on telling anyone else until baby is out and we've had time to bond. MIL hasn't mentioned anything about wanting to be in there, and I'm not bringing it up. If she wants to come wait around while I labor that's fine, but I'm not comfortable with her in while I push. Most of my family lives a thousand miles away, so they won't come up for months.
Birth plan is simple: natural as long as I can stand it. No epi. Healthy baby and mama.
I REALLY want to have a photographer, but basically the only person around this BFE town who does them costs around 1K if I want the rights to the shots. I just can't let myself part with that kind of money unnecessarily right before having a baby. I'm pretty bummed about it.
At this point I'm just planning on my husband being in the delivery room with me. I would love to have my mother there, but she doesn't seem to want to be there (which is weird because she was there for the birth of my niece and nephew). I'm not sure about inviting MIL. We get along well and I think she's a wonderful person, however I've often heard her talk about how she gave birth three times with no pain meds. I plan on getting an epidural since there is a possibility of me needing a c-section. I have a shunt that drains fluid from my head into my peritoneal cavity (placed in 2013) and I know they don't allow you to push for very long, so I want to be prepared. I just don't want her to make any comments about needing pain meds. We will not be using a photographer since I feel that there are going to be enough people there already and if I do need a c-section, the photographer wouldn't be allowed in there anyway.
More than likely it will just be H and I again. No birth plan. I've had an epi at the very beginning, an epi just for pushing accidentally, and then no epi for my last. We shall see how everything goes this time. If it's a quick labor like my last two I will probably try to skip the epi.
The only thing I really want is for the baby to stay in my room instead of the nursery. Oh and I plan on BFing immediately.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
No written birth plan. I will be attempting no epidural, and will labor at home a lot longer before I go in. I was at the hospital forever with DS and progressed very slowly. That way I will be able to walk, sit in the bath, and eat.
As far as who will be in there, DH for sure, my best friend (who I'm second guessing but already told her she could be in there, so I'll just have her take pictures immediately after the birth), and possibly MIL again. With DS I had DH and MIL and it was awesome. My mom lives out of state and couldn't come, but I wouldn't want her in anyway. If she comes this time I don't know what I'll do.
The hospital I will be giving birth at is very pro delayed cord cutting, skin to skin and BFing right after for 1 hour. H will not get his way and have MIL in the room with us (no way, no how, I love her it's just not our relationship) and right now I only plan on H and doula in the room, maaaaaaaaybe my sister. I want to labor at home as long as possible (this is where expertise with the doula comes in) and then go as long as possible without meds. I want to be able to walk around, use the tub in the room, and yoga ball. I would rather get a c/s than be induced; if my body isn't ready to push this baby out, I'm not going to force it.
@jlgriff11 Doing a birth plan is totally up to you. I will be doing one because I feel very strongly about what I want and would rather be disappointed that it didn't necessarily go as planned rather than feeling like I didn't have any say or that it could have gone differently if I would have stated what I wanted. You create an in depth/ detailed plan for your OB/midwife and go over it with them prior to the birth and a brief one that goes over the basics and is quick to read for the nurses that will be in and out of your room (if your in the hospital). If you want to write one, I 100% reccomend picking up the book Natural Hospital Birth. It is AMAZING and guides you through the process of making a birth plan and each step of labor. I've read it 3 times and always get so much more out of it.
With my first I joked it was just the two of us in the room when we made her and it will be just the two of us in the room when she's born. I am extremely close to my mother but without a doubt I knew I wanted the birth to be a moment I experience with just my husband. Mil was away at a work conference (thank goodness) No family in waiting room but we invited them to come after. Everyone took the info well and this time around we have moved so for sure it's just us.
With my first, I tried the whole "let's see how much I can take" and that was a mistake. This time, when they offer the epidural, my happy ass will be taking them up on the offer. It'll probably just be my husband and my sister while my MIL takes care of my son. My sister is also a photographer so she'll be taking pictures of the baby after birth.
I have a scheduled C-section. It will just be my husband with me. I will actually not have anyone except my parents and DH's parents come up to meet the baby that later that day. I just need to make sure one of them brings my dd. I don't want too many people interfering with her meeting the baby. Everyone else can wait for a day or at least until that night.
Will just be my husband and I...our family members all live states away...we haven't even told any of them yet either. I'm kind of concerned because I don't know who will be able to watch DS while we are at the hospital. We still don't have many close friends in our area. I hate asking people for favors but we may have to,
Just my husband. No L&D photographer. I'm thinking I may not even want visitors to come to the hospital at all? Would that be weird? I just feel like I'm gonna be tired, cranky, happy, overwhelmed and want to soak up info nurses give me and get home!
No birth plan for me... I would prefer to not be induced, but whatever is necessary to get the baby out is fine with me. With DS I had planned on seeing how long I could go without an epi... I was asking for it the minute I got into the delivery suite (I guess I have a low threshold for pain?) The hospital where I deliver is a teaching hospital, and it is also my preference to not have a resident do my epi - a good friend had a bad experience, so the thought scares me. With DS I was told that it'd be 1-2 hours before an anesthesiologist could come and do my epi, but, because it was April, the resident had been there for almost a year and was more than capable. I was in so much pain that I said eff it; he did perfectly fine. My understanding is that residents start in June, so having this baby in July is making me nervous on that front. I'll see how long I can go again without pain meds and hopefully that will align with the anesthesiologist's schedule.
DH will be in the room prior to pushing, but at go-time, he will transition to the waiting room. I prefer to have a conscious, non-cussed husband to meet our child right after birth. My mom was my birthing buddy last time around, and I hope she'll agree to do it again. I'm assuming my MIL will watch DS, but we need to actually sit down and confirm arrangements. I'm really not a fan of MIL right now, so I don't really like to think of her there at all, but I imagine it'll be necessary.
Me (obviously!), DH, maybe kids (if they want and can understand that I will be grumpy AF), my midwives, and maybe my dad. He was useful last time. He is a photographer and stays out of the way and cooks. So it's kind of a win-win.
Definitely want DH & my mom in the delivery room. He is wonderful, but sometimes is too nice when I'm struggling and my mom has had more experience in getting me to shut up, settle down, and focus on the task at hand when I get overwhelmed. Even though she's not 100% sure of my decision to birth naturally, she certainly can help, and won't argue with me in labor either. However, I am going to be talking to her, because as soon as baby is born, she can get one pic, and then I'd like her to scoot out for the hour of bonding time for just the 3 of us (DH, me, and LO). She can use that time to contact the rest of the family and such, so we don't have to.
Then, once that 1 hour is done and it's time to focus on my clean up and everything else, she's more than welcome to hang out with DH & LO.
Definitely will have a birth plan, probably 2 different ones as suggested by The Natural Hospital Birth. 1 super simple concise one for medical staff (10 ish bullet points), and a slightly longer one that will have my less important hopes, for DH & mom.
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Me: 33 DH: 32 Married 7/18/15 1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16 Team green turned BLUE! 2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18 Team green turned PINK! Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Initially I was thinking just me and DH, but am thinking now I may ask my mom to be there as well. She lives about 2.5 hours away, so I don't know how that will factor in, but I think she will be a great support for me and DH.
Birth plan is: suck up to the nurses so they'll like me, avoid meds if I can, skin to skin and bonding time, but bottom line keep me and the baby healthy and alive. DH and I aren't quite on the same page about when to contact people and visitors afterwards. I want to avoid people waiting at the hospital and I'm lobbying hard for at least a couple hours with just us. After that immediate family and close friends only and hopefully not all at once since I don't like big groups of people. My inlaws are really great, so I think they'll respect us if we call to let them know I'm in labor, but not to come until we ask. I just need to get DH on board with that compromise! I'm secretly hoping for a middle of the night delivery so it's not convenient for people to be there right away.
No photographer, just not something I'm interested in.
I want a natural hospital water birth. No pain meds and with limited interruptions from the nurses. My H and doula will be there for sure and maybe my mom. I haven't fully decided on her yet. My doula told me a story about a water birth she attended at the same hospital and the same midwife I have, where the mom was rocking back and forth in the water and ended up delivering her own baby. The midwife was there and she would put a mirror under the water to make sure everything was going okay but other then that it was all mom. That's what I really want.
I'm pretty sure my mom thinks she's going to be in the room with us. I haven't figured out how to tactfully shut that down yet. She's great, but she's overbearing and a former nurse and I just know she's going to inadvertently push my DH out of the process. I'd rather just DH and I. A friend of mine just had her 2nd and is planning on going into photography and asked if I'd allow her to photograph the birth, free of charge, for her portfolio. I told her I'd think about it, though I'm leaning towards yes. I think it would be a really cool moment to have photos of and I'm sure I wouldn't really notice her once labour really gets going. My only concern is whether my hospital will allow photographers or not (Canada). I'm toying with not calling my parents until after the baby is born, to avoid my mom rushing over and then sitting in the waiting room/ wanting to come in, but DH thinks that would be mean and she would probably be hurt. They live about an hour away.
As far as a birth plan..no idea. I had originally thought I would be all for the drugs, but my mom said she did natural births with my 5 siblings and I, and she said it's not as bad as you'd think it'd be. Any STM+'s agree?
I think that it really depends on the person and their threshold of pain tolerance. I have had two friends do both. They had a epidural for their first, but not for their second (not by choice, both were too far into labor to get one). And they both said that after the non-epidural birth, they were sore, but felt much better than they did with the epidural birth....and were up walking around less than 30min after delivery. But both also said that the actual labor, crowning, "ring of fire" hurt FAR worse than it did with the epidural birth.
My mom and her sister both had unmedicated births (my mom had three, my aunt had two). I felt I had nothing to prove...if I was in that bad of pain, I was going to get drugs for it. There is a reason they invented the drugs. So my plan was to go as far as possible without drugs, and see how I felt. If I needed them, okay....if I didn't, that was fine too. I was induced and I was not prepared for back labor....which is pure hell, and the fact that it would take 12 hours to go from 1cm to 2cm. I was so wiped out, hadn't slept at all that night, and it felt like someone was taking a sledgehammer to my back. I never thought I would get a epidural before AT LEAST 6cm.....and I ended up getting one at 2cm. My labor was 28 hours and ended in an emergency c-section, so in the end, I was glad that I had the epidural so it was already placed for the drugs I needed for the c-section and didn't delay any time.
All births, vaginal, medicated, c-section, etc.....have their pros and cons, and everyone's will go differently, so its something that people need to decide for themselves when it comes to pain management and whether or not they go for it. My aunt likes to throw it in anyone's face (that has an epidural) "Everyone needs to have an unmedicated birth and see what REAL pain is all about, instead of taking the easy way out!" She says it ALL of the time. One day, in all my raging hormone glory, I snapped back with "Easy way out? You should have a c-section and see what REAL pain is all about...."
With my first, I tried the whole "let's see how much I can take" and that was a mistake.
This. I had the same thinking going in, but by the time I got the epidural, I had been in active labor so long that I was SO EXHAUSTED and had a really hard time pushing. Pushed for 3.5 hours and still needed an episiotomy and forceps. Definitely not part of my "plan".
Also, my mom SO wanted to be in there and I think she was really taken aback when I told her I only wanted my husband in there. We are very close, and she's a nurse. But I knew that I wouldn't be brave with her there. You don't need comforting, you need freakin' cheerleaders!!
ETA: All of the hours in the birthing suite—I look back and it was such a close, special time for my husband and I (ok, maybe not when I pooped on the table). Even though it was tough to tell my mom, it was really worth it and it will be the same way this time around.
@soberkfell our medical system the residents start usually June/July- this is another major fear of mine, maybe because I work so closely with them in my real job, even though it's a different hospital-- they still work at the hospital I'm delivering at. It's just too close for comfort. I will be telling my doctor that I prefer no students if possible. It may make me a terrible nurse but I just don't want random people there...
My plan as of now is that DH, DD, and I will go to the hospital when the time is right. Whoever will be watching DD will have to come to the hospital to get her, especially if it's in the middle of the night like my labor with DD. I'm not sure as of now if SIL1 will be watching her or a friend that graduated high school with DH who lives in the same town as the hospital.
My first L&D experience in the area of actual L&D was unbelievably wonderful. However, the area of relatives (in laws as mine live states away) trying to come in was a disaster. I want to avoid that at all costs.
We will be doing 2 hours (at least) skin to skin immediately following delivery, assuming no complications. During the later part of that time, DD ONLY will be allowed in to meet her little brother or sister. After that, LO and my husband will go to the nursery to get measurements, etc while I get myself cleaned up. Because of the 3-4 hours where we wouldn't want them in, I'd rather just call them all after delivery. However, even though I told my MIL that prior to having DD my wishes weren't respected and she literally tried to bully a nurse to let her in while I was pushing. I would trust SIL1 to keep quiet, but no one else in the family. She's a photographer and is love to have some photos from the day. Maybe not while I'm pushing, but DD meeting her sibling, etc. I'm not completely sure yet.
As for a birthing plan, with DD I knew I wanted the drugs and I knew I didn't want to miss the window (which I almost missed anyway. I was ready to push 15 minutes after the epidural lady arrived) and I was okay with whatever worked out for a healthy baby and a healthy momma. This time around, I'll go with the same plan. Everything I discussed with my OB prior such as skin to skin, delayed clamping, etc was all things that she does anyway.
I don't mind nursing students observing or taking blood sugar levels during labor and delivery however I am very cautious to allow them to perform things. I did let a nursing student cath me after my epidural, but it was a nursing student that I had asked a few questions already and felt comfortable letting her.
I don't mind nursing students observing or taking blood sugar levels during labor and delivery however I am very cautious to allow them to perform things. I did let a nursing student cath me after my epidural, but it was a nursing student that I had asked a few questions already and felt comfortable letting her.
I ended up with three nursing students because they hadn't seen a vaginal delivery, apparently, only C-sections. They were wonderful during delivery... Way better than the "real" nurse I had. I somehow even let one of them cath me AFTER birth (I had to be on magnesium sulfate), and that wasn't too bad (I think it would have been pretty unpleasant no matter who did it).
Maybe it's just because I was a nursing student once ... Or maybe I will lighten up as it gets closer to, who knows. Haha
I hope you didn't think I was "calling you out". That wasn't my intention at all. I know a lot of people aren't okay with students. My dad worked at a teaching hospital in the ER my whole life so I've always been used to students being in. In fact, it caught me off guard that they asked me because I was so used to my dad just bringing them in. While I don't mind them, there did end up being 10 people in the room watching me push out my daughter. In hindsight, could've given DH more room.
Maybe it's just because I was a nursing student once ... Or maybe I will lighten up as it gets closer to, who knows. Haha
I hope you didn't think I was "calling you out". That wasn't my intention at all. I know a lot of people aren't okay with students. My dad worked at a teaching hospital in the ER my whole life so I've always been used to students being in. In fact, it caught me off guard that they asked me because I was so used to my dad just bringing them in. While I don't mind them, there did end up being 10 people in the room watching me push out my daughter. In hindsight, could've given DH more room.
@TattoosandLace No no no. I'm laughing at myself thinking about being a nursing student in OB rotation. Haha I don't mind nursing students, I teach them in the ICU- so I get it they need to learn, just preferably not with my lady parts lol. I had a med student in my transvaginal u/s at my 7 week appointment and that was majorly awkward for me.
I had a nursing student give me a pap. A male student. I'm extremely uncomfortable around men OB doctors and was taken off guard when the doc asked me. It hurt so bad. I was clenching to the table, screaming and crying. I've never had a pap hurt before. After that.. Nope. No nursing students. Scared the shit out of me.
it will probably just be dh and I this time! I had to be induced 3 weeks early with ds which is more than likely to have to happen again this time which would put me at the same week as my youngest sisters high school graduation, which is out of town. If I don't have to be induced early my mom and twin sister will also be in the room if they can make it on time! They live a 4 hr drive away! My in laws will have to take ds.
I used to be a labor and delivery nurse where I will deliver and have many many nurse and dr friends all still there! With ds I was able to choose which nurses I wanted and I got special treatment the whole time I was there! When ds was born it was on my old shift and my 3 best nurse friends and my favorite doctor all helped deliver him! It was wonderful to have a room full of ppl who loved me and him so much there! it was a party and a sob fest when he was born! Happiest day of my life!
Maybe it's just because I was a nursing student once ... Or maybe I will lighten up as it gets closer to, who knows. Haha
I hope you didn't think I was "calling you out". That wasn't my intention at all. I know a lot of people aren't okay with students. My dad worked at a teaching hospital in the ER my whole life so I've always been used to students being in. In fact, it caught me off guard that they asked me because I was so used to my dad just bringing them in. While I don't mind them, there did end up being 10 people in the room watching me push out my daughter. In hindsight, could've given DH more room.
@TattoosandLace No no no. I'm laughing at myself thinking about being a nursing student in OB rotation. Haha I don't mind nursing students, I teach them in the ICU- so I get it they need to learn, just preferably not with my lady parts lol. I had a med student in my transvaginal u/s at my 7 week appointment and that was majorly awkward for me.
I could see how having students or potential students see your lady bits would be a no go. I can't say I'd blame you!
I'm always amazed that you can have so many people in the delivery room if you want them. I'm in Canada and all the hospitals in Calgary only allow 2 people and you have to designate them when you check in and then they get bracelets. And no swapping out one person for another either. That also means no photographers.
Regardless, I would only have DH and my mom anyways. My mom lives 2 hours away and she only just made it for when my son was born but I was really glad she was there. DS had to be rushed to surgery and I sent DH to stay with our son but I really didn't want to be alone after with the 20 strangers in the room. I can't imagine what it would have been like to be alone after they rushed DS out - I was terrified. I hope my mom can make it in time for this baby!
I think this is regional - I never asked at my hospital because I wanted only DH in there, but my SIL (bro's wife) had my mom, her mom, and my brother in there with her for all three of her deliveries. We live in BC though so I'm not sure if it varies hospital to hospital, health authority to health authority, or province to province.
My SIL was happy with her decision (obviously, she did it three times) but to be honest having that many people there would have stressed me out so much, even though I love MIL and my mom.
The hospital I will be giving birth at is very pro delayed cord cutting, skin to skin and BFing right after for 1 hour. H will not get his way and have MIL in the room with us (no way, no how, I love her it's just not our relationship) and right now I only plan on H and doula in the room, maaaaaaaaybe my sister. I want to labor at home as long as possible (this is where expertise with the doula comes in) and then go as long as possible without meds. I want to be able to walk around, use the tub in the room, and yoga ball. I would rather get a c/s than be induced; if my body isn't ready to push this baby out, I'm not going to force it.
@dolewhipper I was almost 2 weeks overdue, and got an induction. I know other people who had successful inductions and it was fine, but I don't blame you for having this outlook. If I was choosing to try for a VBAC (I'm not, but I thought about it a lot before making that decision) my one caveat was I would NEVER have had another induction.
Just my husband. No L&D photographer. I'm thinking I may not even want visitors to come to the hospital at all? Would that be weird? I just feel like I'm gonna be tired, cranky, happy, overwhelmed and want to soak up info nurses give me and get home!
@austinjl not weird at all!! When we had DD our family was all far away so none of them came to the hospital (they visited us at home later, with staggered visits). A couple of my close coworkers stopped by for a quick visit which was fine, but that was after we had had a day just the three of us, and they called and asked first. It was actually really awesome not having to entertain anyone and just "be" together. We'll hopefully do the same this time, except MIL will come and bring DD.
@silvers626 My husbands cousin had like 10 people in there (along with her mom and her husband). The doctor didn't care, as long as everyone was respectful, and stayed out of the way. There was a reason that she had that many people in there though. His family is extremely close, and do everything together. When she had her daughter, it was right before 6 of the teenage girls in the family were leaving to go to college, and not having any sister's herself, these girls were like her little sisters. She did it more of a learning experience, to show them that there was nothing glamorous about having a baby, and delivered her daughter drug free, in front of all of the girls.....to give them a little scare before they headed off to college. My husband and I got there about 45min after the baby was born, and the look on the girls faces as they came out of that room....priceless! It must have worked, because since that has happened, they have all graduated from college and none of them have ended up pregnant. HAHA
@schaze don't let anyone else's experience decide your birth for you or put pressure on you to do the same as what they did. I have a friend who typically has a pretty low pain tolerance (self-described), and she is really afraid of needles. For her the fear of the epidural was greater than the fear of the pain. I honestly felt like my pain tolerance was higher than hers and if she could do it epidural-free than I absolutely could. Different people experience pain differently though, and different labours feel differently (I had an induction and back labour, which she didn't, which can cause more intense pain).
My mom also had 4 natural births, with no issues. I remember a conversation with her after my c-section, which was well-meaning but so not helpful, where she said she didn't understand why I had to have a c-section/why DD got stuck in my pelvis, because she never had any issues with her babies coming through the birth canal. Uhhh... woman... my body is not an exact replica of yours...? Just because your pelvis fit babies doesn't mean mine does.
Ideally I want just my husband and my mom in the room, skin to skin and breastfeeding as soon as possible, delayed cord clamping, no medical interventions unless necessary, and to have the baby stay in the room. I'm shooting for the water birth and I want to be able to move around as much as I want. My midwife is on board with all of the above so far and the birth center policies align with the experience I'm looking for. My only concern is that my in laws will want to be there and I really don't want anyone at the hospital other than my husband and mom. The idea of people waiting outside sounds so irritating.
The only support person I want in the room it's DH! I'm very close to my family, but I don't think any of them expected to be in the room with my DD nor where they disappointed.
I plan on having a photographer though. It was my sister last time, but we're not the type of sister's that are used to seeing each others lady parts, and I made it very clear she was not to be down there at all and I didn't want any photos of down there. She understood her role was solely as camera man. In fact, I don't think she even attempted to provide any support, which I actually preferred-I forgot she was even in there! So I'll ask her again.
I do want my family at the hospital, however if my second one is anything like my sister's, they may not get there in time! One of my sisters just had her second in December, and she literally went from first contraction to baby born in under 2 hours! My other sister's second one was a little longer, but not long enough for any drugs.
As far as birth plan...well my plan is to have the baby come out with everyone healthy! I'll make decisions as needed. But my sis us trying to convince me to go drug free bc she said her recovery is much easier this time.
As a FTM I am really appreciating all this sharing! I've thought a lot about what I'd like (or how I'd like) my labor process to go, and feel pretty good about my decisions.
However one thing I can't seem to wrap my head around is who to have in the room. Of course my husband, but he's pretty freaked out by this whole thing and is very sweet and considerate, so I'm not sure how much "tough love" or what sort of guidance to expect from him. Totally fair, he's new at this too. I'm really close with my mom, and I think it'd be great to have her there, but I'm close with my dad too and think he'd be hurt if he was left out. But I feel pretty strange thinking about him in the room.... Decisions decisions... Also I'm the oldest child, only one married and first to have a child so this is their first grandchild. On the flip side, we already spend a ton of time with them (live in the same town, husband works for my dad, I work with my brother) so it might be nice to have this experience be one that just the husband and I share.
Luckily I (we!) all have more time to work through this stuff.
Re: Delivery Room Details
Birth plan is simple: natural as long as I can stand it. No epi. Healthy baby and mama.
I REALLY want to have a photographer, but basically the only person around this BFE town who does them costs around 1K if I want the rights to the shots. I just can't let myself part with that kind of money unnecessarily right before having a baby. I'm pretty bummed about it.
We will not be using a photographer since I feel that there are going to be enough people there already and if I do need a c-section, the photographer wouldn't be allowed in there anyway.
The only thing I really want is for the baby to stay in my room instead of the nursery. Oh and I plan on BFing immediately.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
As far as who will be in there, DH for sure, my best friend (who I'm second guessing but already told her she could be in there, so I'll just have her take pictures immediately after the birth), and possibly MIL again.
With DS I had DH and MIL and it was awesome. My mom lives out of state and couldn't come, but I wouldn't want her in anyway. If she comes this time I don't know what I'll do.
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DH will be in the room prior to pushing, but at go-time, he will transition to the waiting room. I prefer to have a conscious, non-cussed husband to meet our child right after birth. My mom was my birthing buddy last time around, and I hope she'll agree to do it again. I'm assuming my MIL will watch DS, but we need to actually sit down and confirm arrangements. I'm really not a fan of MIL right now, so I don't really like to think of her there at all, but I imagine it'll be necessary.
Then, once that 1 hour is done and it's time to focus on my clean up and everything else, she's more than welcome to hang out with DH & LO.
Definitely will have a birth plan, probably 2 different ones as suggested by The Natural Hospital Birth. 1 super simple concise one for medical staff (10 ish bullet points), and a slightly longer one that will have my less important hopes, for DH & mom.
DH: 32
Married 7/18/15
1st born at 35+4 on 6/6/16
Team green turned BLUE!
2nd born at 38+6 on 8/30/18
Team green turned PINK!
Due with #3 on 6/6/20 Team Green
Birth plan is: suck up to the nurses so they'll like me, avoid meds if I can, skin to skin and bonding time, but bottom line keep me and the baby healthy and alive.
DH and I aren't quite on the same page about when to contact people and visitors afterwards. I want to avoid people waiting at the hospital and I'm lobbying hard for at least a couple hours with just us. After that immediate family and close friends only and hopefully not all at once since I don't like big groups of people. My inlaws are really great, so I think they'll respect us if we call to let them know I'm in labor, but not to come until we ask. I just need to get DH on board with that compromise! I'm secretly hoping for a middle of the night delivery so it's not convenient for people to be there right away.
No photographer, just not something I'm interested in.
Married: October 2014
TTC #1 since September 2015
My mom and her sister both had unmedicated births (my mom had three, my aunt had two). I felt I had nothing to prove...if I was in that bad of pain, I was going to get drugs for it. There is a reason they invented the drugs. So my plan was to go as far as possible without drugs, and see how I felt. If I needed them, okay....if I didn't, that was fine too. I was induced and I was not prepared for back labor....which is pure hell, and the fact that it would take 12 hours to go from 1cm to 2cm. I was so wiped out, hadn't slept at all that night, and it felt like someone was taking a sledgehammer to my back. I never thought I would get a epidural before AT LEAST 6cm.....and I ended up getting one at 2cm. My labor was 28 hours and ended in an emergency c-section, so in the end, I was glad that I had the epidural so it was already placed for the drugs I needed for the c-section and didn't delay any time.
All births, vaginal, medicated, c-section, etc.....have their pros and cons, and everyone's will go differently, so its something that people need to decide for themselves when it comes to pain management and whether or not they go for it. My aunt likes to throw it in anyone's face (that has an epidural) "Everyone needs to have an unmedicated birth and see what REAL pain is all about, instead of taking the easy way out!" She says it ALL of the time. One day, in all my raging hormone glory, I snapped back with "Easy way out? You should have a c-section and see what REAL pain is all about...."
Also, my mom SO wanted to be in there and I think she was really taken aback when I told her I only wanted my husband in there. We are very close, and she's a nurse. But I knew that I wouldn't be brave with her there. You don't need comforting, you need freakin' cheerleaders!!
ETA: All of the hours in the birthing suite—I look back and it was such a close, special time for my husband and I (ok, maybe not when I pooped on the table). Even though it was tough to tell my mom, it was really worth it and it will be the same way this time around.
My first L&D experience in the area of actual L&D was unbelievably wonderful. However, the area of relatives (in laws as mine live states away) trying to come in was a disaster. I want to avoid that at all costs.
We will be doing 2 hours (at least) skin to skin immediately following delivery, assuming no complications. During the later part of that time, DD ONLY will be allowed in to meet her little brother or sister. After that, LO and my husband will go to the nursery to get measurements, etc while I get myself cleaned up. Because of the 3-4 hours where we wouldn't want them in, I'd rather just call them all after delivery. However, even though I told my MIL that prior to having DD my wishes weren't respected and she literally tried to bully a nurse to let her in while I was pushing.
I would trust SIL1 to keep quiet, but no one else in the family. She's a photographer and is love to have some photos from the day. Maybe not while I'm pushing, but DD meeting her sibling, etc. I'm not completely sure yet.
As for a birthing plan, with DD I knew I wanted the drugs and I knew I didn't want to miss the window (which I almost missed anyway. I was ready to push 15 minutes after the epidural lady arrived) and I was okay with whatever worked out for a healthy baby and a healthy momma. This time around, I'll go with the same plan. Everything I discussed with my OB prior such as skin to skin, delayed clamping, etc was all things that she does anyway.
I don't mind nursing students observing or taking blood sugar levels during labor and delivery however I am very cautious to allow them to perform things. I did let a nursing student cath me after my epidural, but it was a nursing student that I had asked a few questions already and felt comfortable letting her.
@TattoosandLace No no no. I'm laughing at myself thinking about being a nursing student in OB rotation. Haha I don't mind nursing students, I teach them in the ICU- so I get it they need to learn, just preferably not with my lady parts lol. I had a med student in my transvaginal u/s at my 7 week appointment and that was majorly awkward for me.
I used to be a labor and delivery nurse where I will deliver and have many many nurse and dr friends all still there! With ds I was able to choose which nurses I wanted and I got special treatment the whole time I was there! When ds was born it was on my old shift and my 3 best nurse friends and my favorite doctor all helped deliver him! It was wonderful to have a room full of ppl who loved me and him so much there! it was a party and a sob fest when he was born! Happiest day of my life!
I could see how having students or potential students see your lady bits would be a no go. I can't say I'd blame you!
My SIL was happy with her decision (obviously, she did it three times) but to be honest having that many people there would have stressed me out so much, even though I love MIL and my mom.
@dolewhipper I was almost 2 weeks overdue, and got an induction. I know other people who had successful inductions and it was fine, but I don't blame you for having this outlook. If I was choosing to try for a VBAC (I'm not, but I thought about it a lot before making that decision) my one caveat was I would NEVER have had another induction.
@austinjl not weird at all!! When we had DD our family was all far away so none of them came to the hospital (they visited us at home later, with staggered visits). A couple of my close coworkers stopped by for a quick visit which was fine, but that was after we had had a day just the three of us, and they called and asked first. It was actually really awesome not having to entertain anyone and just "be" together. We'll hopefully do the same this time, except MIL will come and bring DD.
My mom also had 4 natural births, with no issues. I remember a conversation with her after my c-section, which was well-meaning but so not helpful, where she said she didn't understand why I had to have a c-section/why DD got stuck in my pelvis, because she never had any issues with her babies coming through the birth canal. Uhhh... woman... my body is not an exact replica of yours...? Just because your pelvis fit babies doesn't mean mine does.
I plan on having a photographer though. It was my sister last time, but we're not the type of sister's that are used to seeing each others lady parts, and I made it very clear she was not to be down there at all and I didn't want any photos of down there. She understood her role was solely as camera man. In fact, I don't think she even attempted to provide any support, which I actually preferred-I forgot she was even in there! So I'll ask her again.
I do want my family at the hospital, however if my second one is anything like my sister's, they may not get there in time! One of my sisters just had her second in December, and she literally went from first contraction to baby born in under 2 hours! My other sister's second one was a little longer, but not long enough for any drugs.
As far as birth plan...well my plan is to have the baby come out with everyone healthy! I'll make decisions as needed. But my sis us trying to convince me to go drug free bc she said her recovery is much easier this time.
Almost halfway! Eeek!
However one thing I can't seem to wrap my head around is who to have in the room. Of course my husband, but he's pretty freaked out by this whole thing and is very sweet and considerate, so I'm not sure how much "tough love" or what sort of guidance to expect from him. Totally fair, he's new at this too. I'm really close with my mom, and I think it'd be great to have her there, but I'm close with my dad too and think he'd be hurt if he was left out. But I feel pretty strange thinking about him in the room.... Decisions decisions... Also I'm the oldest child, only one married and first to have a child so this is their first grandchild. On the flip side, we already spend a ton of time with them (live in the same town, husband works for my dad, I work with my brother) so it might be nice to have this experience be one that just the husband and I share.
Luckily I (we!) all have more time to work through this stuff.
Any thoughts on dads in the labor room ladies?