Hey so, I have not been in in this situation but my best friend has. She actually had a couple of one night stands (one with a dead-beat loser ex of hers, another with a guy she barely knew) and found out she was pregnant a couple of months later. She did have a really tough time, with people asking who the dad was and things of that nature. She's a strong woman though, and has done a great job on her own so far (her daughter is now 5). She did tell the most likely father, and he denied that she was his without ever meeting her. She does have a hard time with the "why don't I have a dad" question, which comes up a lot lately.
And I feel like that's the part of it that is the hardest - explaining to the child or answering those tough questions. Sounds like your friend is a very strong lady and has handled the issue well. The guy denying any potential of being the father is the crummy part, in my opinion.
Hey so, I have not been in in this situation but my best friend has. She actually had a couple of one night stands (one with a dead-beat loser ex of hers, another with a guy she barely knew) and found out she was pregnant a couple of months later. She did have a really tough time, with people asking who the dad was and things of that nature. She's a strong woman though, and has done a great job on her own so far (her daughter is now 5). She did tell the most likely father, and he denied that she was his without ever meeting her. She does have a hard time with the "why don't I have a dad" question, which comes up a lot lately.
And I feel like that's the part of it that is the hardest - explaining to the child or answering those tough questions. Sounds like your friend is a very strong lady and has handled the issue well. The guy denying any potential of being the father is the crummy part, in my opinion.
It is very difficult for her, and it gets harder every year. Her daughter is in kindergarten now, so when other kids talk about their dads at school, and do "bring your dad to school" events, my friend is the only Mom involved. Her daughter actually tells people "I don't have a dad" which is really awkward (she said this to my husband - boyfriend at the time - when he first met my bestie and her kiddo). I still don't really know how to respond to that statement. :-/ I've told my best friend that she SHOULD have a paternity test done (because as I mentioned, there were actually two possibilities and one of them doesn't even know) but she's sort of resolved to just let her daughter figure it out when she's grown up, if she chooses to do so.
Me: 25 DH: 28
Hubby's little boy - my wonderful step-son - born 5/23/10
BFP#1: 06/2010...my beautiful baby girl born 3/7/2011
BFP #2: 10/24/15...mc on 10/31/15
BFP #3: 11/27/15. EDD 8/6/16
"Success is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm." -Winston Churchill
I love how so many people are obsessing over someone else's business. Apparently you all have nothing to offer to OP as advice, so just keep scrolling, that's all you have to do.
I love how so many people are obsessing over someone else's business. Apparently you all have nothing to offer to OP as advice, so just keep scrolling, that's all you have to do.
Geez louise.
She made it our business by posting it and asking for opinions.
I love how so many people are obsessing over someone else's business. Apparently you all have nothing to offer to OP as advice, so just keep scrolling, that's all you have to do.
Geez louise.
I mean, OP put her business out there seeking advice. You can't really give someone useful advice without knowing certain details. So there is that.
I love how so many people are obsessing over someone else's business. Apparently you all have nothing to offer to OP as advice, so just keep scrolling, that's all you have to do.
I love how so many people are obsessing over someone else's business. Apparently you all have nothing to offer to OP as advice, so just keep scrolling, that's all you have to do.
Sounds very interesting but I have to say, congratulations & there are plenty of single mothers who you will be able to connect with once you have your child. Probably throughout the pregnancy as well. No one knows her story, she's just looking for support. What helped me through my pregnancies was having a friend who was pregnant so if you have one: connect! I think I turn to my girlfriends a lot more than my husband during some of the irrational pregnancy stuff anyway cause they get it. Especially if they're preg at the same time:)
Whatever the situation is, I hope that while you are facing the choice of parenting alone, that you still have a support system. Family or friends, but people that have your back and will love that baby's new place in this world. Going from living a single life to a world that revolves around a child is scary but outstandingly rewarding. I had a glimpse of single mom life, and let me tell you, sometimes it's the best and sometimes it's the worst. There will be moments that are sad and lonely and exhausting, but there won't ever be a time that won't feel worth it. You'll cope with new sleeping patterns, you'll learn to juggle, you'll make sacrifices, but you won't ever love anything more than being a mom.
I hope you have a support system more for your pregnancy, too. It takes an intense toll on your body and your mind, and there are plenty of things that are easier to handle with a partner. Even though this thread maybe got out of hand, there is excellent support to be had here. Hopefully in your local community as well. Keep your chin up, mama.
As others have said, the ONS is not a big deal to me. It's not my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat.
Have you considered getting screened for STI/STD? Because you would need the whole list. Some are dangerous to pregnancy & are life long. If you got Herpes or AIDS/HIV then you would want to know to minimize spread to your baby & future partners. If a ONS is your MO for sex (again, no judgment-- you do you or anyone else you want) but you are raw-dogging it-- you could be jeopardizing your health in a big way.
You should inform the father. It's the right thing to do.
I know at least two friends parenting alone. The first year of baby's life has been extremely rough, but also extremely rewarding.
I'm not sure what professional means? Is that a way to say that you don't have to worry about money? Because I'll tell you & shoot straight: unless you are Trump then babies = money out the window. So, I'm happy you have a great job. That's a blessing that some other folks can't claim.
I think some single moms or Single-Moms-by-choice may be holding back because you have this shady aspect (no comment & defensive about not telling the Father) & they don't want to get pigeon-holed or lumped in with you. That's just a thought. You might want to clarify that & be done because you might get more responses from your target audience that way.
My 2 cents on the helpful advice front: find a highly reputable daycare, if you plan to BF, find out your works accommodations for pumping, don't use all your sick time during maternity leave, kiddos get sick a lot their first year of daycare, connect with other Moms now, meetup.com is great for a local group (they can also be great resources if you get into a daycare/work bind). On that note, check into drop off daycares near you too for girls nights, sleep, whatever one off situation you may need daycare for outside of traditional hours.
Sometimes.... One night stands.... You don't even catch the other person's name... Or were too drunk to remember.... Or have no way to contact the person because you don't know anything about them. They were of course a one night stand. A lot of those are usually people you have just met. That being said, OP, I hope you can find some other mamas to talk to!
I am shocked by all of the negativity here...To those who continue to support me, thank you! It's always such a let down when women aren't supportive of other women. All I was seeking was women in a similar position to see how they are coping.
I am shocked by all of the negativity here...To those who continue to support me, thank you! It's always such a let down when women aren't supportive of other women. All I was seeking was women in a similar position to see how they are coping.
Do you have friends in real life? Do they always tell you what you want to hear? Do you get mad when they disagree with you? How can you be surprised by these reactions when you post on a public forum frequented by women (and men) from all over the world?! Perhaps you should find a different board where people will tell you what you want to hear rather than what they want to say.
@yarnkitty15 Not all women HAVE to support you just because you are a woman. That's a tad bit ridiculous don't you think? From the little bit of information you gave, most people feel bad for the guy who might not even know he's going to have a kid.
You've actually gotten some sound advice but instead you choose to pout over the comments you don't like. It's a shame.
I am shocked by all of the negativity here...To those who continue to support me, thank you! It's always such a let down when women aren't supportive of other women. All I was seeking was women in a similar position to see how they are coping.
i dont know where you're getting all this negativity. almost everyone has stated that they don't care about HOW you got pregnant, but that you should at least let the farher know.. nothing negative about that, IMO.
I agree with PP that you should tell the father. IMO you should at least be a decent human being and let the guy know he is going to have a son/daughter. Especially so he is aware and not blind-sided later in life. Also, that way he can answer honestly if he's ever asked "do you have kids"
Yes I am. I realized that was a dumb statement / questions so I deleted it before posting (at least I thought I did) I don't have the best of service where I am at currently so I didn't realize that part had not been removed prior to posting. Sorry
I echo the previous poster. I hope this guy is aware you used him for a baby.
I'm not the moral police, so I apologize, but please take into consideration that one day your baby is going to want to know their father. It would be nice to be able to share that information with them, even if you choose to parent alone.
I do wish you luck on your new family, but please understand that your one night stand might want to know what the situation is, as well as your child one day. Who knows, he may even want to be a part.
The bolded part is so true. I was adopted and my biological mother didn't tell me or my parents who adopted me who the biological father was (until I was 18 and I asked her myself) and it caused some headaches- especially when it came to medical history / issues / things I should watch for that run on his side of the family.
I am shocked by all of the negativity here...To those who continue to support me, thank you! It's always such a let down when women aren't supportive of other women. All I was seeking was women in a similar position to see how they are coping.
That logic is ridiculous. I think @PrimRoseMama made a very accurate assumption that you're not getting more advice because women in similar situations don't want to be put in the same category as you. I think you've gotten great advice and feedback. And guess what? Sometimes the best advice we get, is the kind that isn't exactly what we WANT to hear. You can't come to a group of people seeking advice, but only share half the story. People want as much information so that they can give the best advice possible.
I am shocked by all of the negativity here...To those who continue to support me, thank you! It's always such a let down when women aren't supportive of other women. All I was seeking was women in a similar position to see how they are coping.
That logic is ridiculous. I think @PrimRoseMama made a very accurate assumption that you're not getting more advice because women in similar situations don't want to be put in the same category as you. I think you've gotten great advice and feedback. And guess what? Sometimes the best advice we get, is the kind that isn't exactly what we WANT to hear. You can't come to a group of people seeking advice, but only share half the story. People want as much information so that they can give the best advice possible.
Not in your situation, but just want to wish you the best of luck. It takes a lot of courage to be confident in being a single mom from the start. I hope you will lean on your friends and family for support, and maybe you can find some local pregnant moms to become friends with as well.
Op, look if you don't know enough about the guy to track him down, that's cool. I've had a couple nights like that in my life. I'm going to assume, based on how weird this thread has gotten, that that's at least a possibility.
It's just that if it's not and you DO know who it is, at least be willing to tell YOUR KID someday. Can we at least agree that that might be the right thing to do and in everybody's best interest?
If you don't know, you don't know, hon, no biggie.
Hey OP, dunno if you're coming back but I did want to throw a line of compassion out to you. Many, many years ago I got KU from the only ONS I've ever stupidly, drunkenly chosen to have. I ended up deciding not to go through with the pregnancy but I do remember how horrible the whole thing felt and how terribly lonely and ashamed I felt. My suggestion would be to find someone in your life you can connect with, or if possible find a therapist you can just speak to - it's all a lot to process. No matter how strong you are or want to be. As far as the father thing I do agree with PPs that the truly moral thing to do is to let him know. Even if he's a shithead. Even if he's the worst. The guy who knocked me up sure was a complete piece of crap, but you have to bite the bullet and make that call. Feel free to message me if you want.
Misery loves company! Good for you for making the most out of a not so ideal situation! You will be a single mom by choice and that isn't easy...I consider that brave. There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. But just remember insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights. So keep shinning, laughing, loving, and being you. Because living life for others is for those who lack enough passion to live a life of their own. I realized when I GREW UP I don't have a high horse to sit on and judge anyone on their lives or their decisions. No one does! But you just opened yourself up to some people who think they do. Joy of online forms ! Makes me think of that "I'm so much cooler online song" lol
Misery loves company! Good for you for making the most out of a not so ideal situation! You will be a single mom by choice and that isn't easy...I consider that brave. There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. But just remember insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights. So keep shinning, laughing, loving, and being you. Because living life for others is for those who lack enough passion to live a life of their own. I realized when I GREW UP I don't have a high horse to sit on and judge anyone on their lives or their decisions. No one does! But you just opened yourself up to some people who think they do. Joy of online forms ! Makes me think of that "I'm so much cooler online song" lol
No one cares that's it's a ons or that she'll be a single mom. No one is judging her for that. We just want to know why she won't tell the father or acknowledge him. It's fine if she doesn't know who he is. That's all she ever had to say. We're commenting on how it's weird that she won't even discuss it. Apparently you did find yourself a high horse to climb on so you could be a white knight.
Hello Pot, this is kettle.
Can we just let this thread die now? OP doesn't even care anymore.
Misery loves company!
Good for you for making the most out of a not so ideal situation! You will be a single mom by choice and that isn't easy...I consider that brave.
There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul.
But just remember insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights. So keep shinning, laughing, loving, and being you. Because living life for others is for those who lack enough passion to live a life of their own.
I realized when I GREW UP I don't have a high horse to sit on and judge anyone on their lives or their decisions. No one does! But you just opened yourself up to some people who think they do. Joy of online forms ! Makes me think of that "I'm so much cooler online song" lol
This actually made me laugh really hard. How cheesy. Did you Google motivational poster images and then copy all the phrases into this one post?!
Misery loves company! Good for you for making the most out of a not so ideal situation! You will be a single mom by choice and that isn't easy...I consider that brave. There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. But just remember insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights. So keep shinning, laughing, loving, and being you. Because living life for others is for those who lack enough passion to live a life of their own. I realized when I GREW UP I don't have a high horse to sit on and judge anyone on their lives or their decisions. No one does! But you just opened yourself up to some people who think they do. Joy of online forms ! Makes me think of that "I'm so much cooler online song" lol
This actually made me laugh really hard. How cheesy. Did you Google motivational poster images and then copy all the phrases into this one post?!
*******QBF*******
HAHAHA. I went back and read the post and kept trying to picture these posters.
Misery loves company! Good for you for making the most out of a not so ideal situation! You will be a single mom by choice and that isn't easy...I consider that brave. There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul. But just remember insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights. So keep shinning, laughing, loving, and being you. Because living life for others is for those who lack enough passion to live a life of their own. I realized when I GREW UP I don't have a high horse to sit on and judge anyone on their lives or their decisions. No one does! But you just opened yourself up to some people who think they do. Joy of online forms ! Makes me think of that "I'm so much cooler online song" lol
Seriously, what a bunch of self-important nonsense. Ignore the fact that this baby has a father who doesn't know said baby exist. Where's his unicorn diarrhea?
Re: Single, Professional, Pregnant By One Night Stand
Me: 30 DH: 39
Dating: December 2011 / Engaged: Thanksgiving 2013 / Married: November 2014
Baby 1: D&C August 2012 @ 11 weeks
Baby 2: Due July 2016
I've told my best friend that she SHOULD have a paternity test done (because as I mentioned, there were actually two possibilities and one of them doesn't even know) but she's sort of resolved to just let her daughter figure it out when she's grown up, if she chooses to do so.
Good luck with everything! Single parenting is a reality - whether by choice (adoption, insemination) or by accident. Or by divorce.
It will be a tough row to hoe, but if you know you can do it, you can!
I'm not a single mom, but I was raised by a single dad and he did a bang up job for both my sister and I with a lot of help from friends and family!
Xxoo
Geez louise.
I mean, OP put her business out there seeking advice. You can't really give someone useful advice without knowing certain details. So there is that.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
I hope you have a support system more for your pregnancy, too. It takes an intense toll on your body and your mind, and there are plenty of things that are easier to handle with a partner. Even though this thread maybe got out of hand, there is excellent support to be had here. Hopefully in your local community as well. Keep your chin up, mama.
Have you considered getting screened for STI/STD? Because you would need the whole list. Some are dangerous to pregnancy & are life long. If you got Herpes or AIDS/HIV then you would want to know to minimize spread to your baby & future partners. If a ONS is your MO for sex (again, no judgment-- you do you or anyone else you want) but you are raw-dogging it-- you could be jeopardizing your health in a big way.
You should inform the father. It's the right thing to do.
I know at least two friends parenting alone. The first year of baby's life has been extremely rough, but also extremely rewarding.
I'm not sure what professional means? Is that a way to say that you don't have to worry about money? Because I'll tell you & shoot straight: unless you are Trump then babies = money out the window. So, I'm happy you have a great job. That's a blessing that some other folks can't claim.
I think some single moms or Single-Moms-by-choice may be holding back because you have this shady aspect (no comment & defensive about not telling the Father) & they don't want to get pigeon-holed or lumped in with you. That's just a thought. You might want to clarify that & be done because you might get more responses from your target audience that way.
Best of luck to you.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Do you have friends in real life? Do they always tell you what you want to hear? Do you get mad when they disagree with you? How can you be surprised by these reactions when you post on a public forum frequented by women (and men) from all over the world?! Perhaps you should find a different board where people will tell you what you want to hear rather than what they want to say.
@yarnkitty15 Not all women HAVE to support you just because you are a woman. That's a tad bit ridiculous don't you think? From the little bit of information you gave, most people feel bad for the guy who might not even know he's going to have a kid.
You've actually gotten some sound advice but instead you choose to pout over the comments you don't like. It's a shame.
me: 27 | husband: 35
IR PCOS dx Sept. 2014
married May 2015 --> started NTNP
BFP 6.28.15 - EDD 3.6.16
baby #1 born 2.19.16
TTC #2 in April 2017
BFP 12.30.17 - EDD 9.6.18
Fertility Friend Chart
I agree with PP that you should tell the father. IMO you should at least be a decent human being and let the guy know he is going to have a son/daughter. Especially so he is aware and not blind-sided later in life. Also, that way he can answer honestly if he's ever asked "do you have kids"
edited - to add more
Yes I am. I realized that was a dumb statement / questions so I deleted it before posting (at least I thought I did) I don't have the best of service where I am at currently so I didn't realize that part had not been removed prior to posting. Sorry
Edited - re-word for better clarity.
The bolded part is so true. I was adopted and my biological mother didn't tell me or my parents who adopted me who the biological father was (until I was 18 and I asked her myself) and it caused some headaches- especially when it came to medical history / issues / things I should watch for that run on his side of the family.
It's just that if it's not and you DO know who it is, at least be willing to tell YOUR KID someday. Can we at least agree that that might be the right thing to do and in everybody's best interest?
Good for you for making the most out of a not so ideal situation! You will be a single mom by choice and that isn't easy...I consider that brave.
There will always be someone willing to hurt you, put you down, gossip about you, belittle your accomplishments and judge your soul.
But just remember insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights. So keep shinning, laughing, loving, and being you. Because living life for others is for those who lack enough passion to live a life of their own.
I realized when I GREW UP I don't have a high horse to sit on and judge anyone on their lives or their decisions. No one does! But you just opened yourself up to some people who think they do. Joy of online forms ! Makes me think of that "I'm so much cooler online song" lol
Hello Pot, this is kettle.
Can we just let this thread die now? OP doesn't even care anymore.
*******QBF*******
HAHAHA. I went back and read the post and kept trying to picture these posters.
Seriously, what a bunch of self-important nonsense. Ignore the fact that this baby has a father who doesn't know said baby exist. Where's his unicorn diarrhea?