Formula Feeding
kcbarbo78
member
Options
How to deal with lactation consultants?
kcbarbo78
member
Hi there. First, let me just say that I tried a search to see if I could find an answer to my question, but I'm not very proficient yet with this site, so I didn't find anything to my satisfaction. A lot of users jump on you for starting a discussion on an old topic, so I apologize if I'm doing that. I'm still getting a hang of these message boards. Second, my actual question: How have those who have chosen to formula feed from the start dealt with aggressive lactation consultants in the hospital after giving birth? I've heard some horror stories from friends who were positively bullied (even those who actually wanted to and tried to breastfeed had some appalling experiences), and now I'm paranoid about being berated and made to feel guilty during what will be a very special, happy but also vulnerable time in my life. When I was trying to decide between two OBs that I liked equally, I actually based my decision on their admitting privileges. The one I rejected had admitting privileges to a certified "family friendly" hospital that has no staffed nursery (baby stays overnight with Mom, even if she's post-op from a C-section, even if she's exhausted and begging for an hour to herself in order to recover her energy, etc., etc.), and which is extremely aggressive in pushing breast feeding. The hospital where I will be giving birth is not formally "family friendly," and it's the top neo-natal hospital in the state and one of the best in the country, but their website proudly touts the fact that they offer free lactation consultations to every new mother who delivers there, while offering barely a vague word about supporting formula feeding. I know this is pretty typical, given the current climate. I've scoured reviews to see what kind of support women who have chosen to formula feed have received at my hospital of choice, but all the reviews I've seen were written by breastfeeding mothers who lauded the hospital for their BF support. After numerous horror stories (lactation consultants who will not leave your room until they physically watch you attempt to breast feed, lactation consultant who literally grabbed a woman's breast without asking for permission and forced it to the baby's mouth - a prospect I find particularly horrifiying because I'm pathologically modest and hate to be touched by strangers, to the point where I can't even enjoy a massage - and lactation consultants who have left women in tears by their bullying tactics), I've become rather afraid of not being forceful enough in sticking up for myself. I've told my husband that I intend to pack a bottle of pepper spray to chase them out of my room, and he laughs because he thinks I'm kidding (I'm only sort-of kidding). Am I being too paranoid? Do you get the experience that you create by either advocating for yourself effectively or not? If the horror stories are not exaggerations, how did some of you ladies deal with the bullying and the judgment? Every time I try to do a Google search on this issue, all the results I get are lavish praise for lactation consultants, so not very helpful in dealing with those who might possibly overstep their bounds. Any advice is welcome, even if it's to tell me to calm down and not psych myself out over this. Thanks!
Re: How to deal with lactation consultants?
I guess my advice is to let everyone you deal with know that you are FF and you have not made the decision lightly and you would appreciate if they would not send any LC to your room. If they do and they get pushy you need to be firm and ask them to leave. Don't be afraid to be rude if you've told them you are FF and they try to guilt trip you or forcibly make you BF.
I think you are misusing the term "bullying" in your examples above. I mean this in the nicest way possible but I also think you are TOTALLY overthinking this! I wonder why you have all these fears about these possible scenarios and why you are already dead set on not breastfeeding. I'm not surprised that the hospitals you are researching don't advertise about formula feeding. Most won't because most new mom's breastfeed. That's just the way it is.
Sure, lactation consultants can be pretty aggressive but it's up to YOU to stand up for your decisions and what you want. That goes for anything in life. I don't care how shy someone is, when it comes to something like this you have to speak up. That's exactly what I did after having my second child. I knew I wasn't going to breastfeed. I brought formula with me and you know what? The nurses sent a lactation consultant to my room for an "emergency exam" and I kindly told her I didn't need her help. No one grabbed my boob, no one "bullied" me but they wanted to make damn sure that I wasn't confused and didn't need any help with breastfeeding. After my first child was born I WAS confused. I had no idea what I was doing just like many FTM's. The lactation consultants bent over backwards trying to help me.
Maybe I got lucky with my OB and the hospital I had both my children in. Who knows. Also, the hospital I gave birth in didn't have a nursery. Both of my babies stayed in the room with me my entire stay and I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't need an hour to get my energy back. I wanted my babies by my side. That of course is a personal preference.
I guess my advice is to go into the delivery with calmness but determination. If you know what you want then no one can make you do anything else. It's pretty simple actually.
It's really too bad you've heard so many horror stories. I really hope some of your friends can tell you some good things! The births of each of my children were the most wonderful experiences I've ever had. My H went home to shower and grab things the first night after having each kid, and that alone time with each of my children, in the middle of the night are the best memories I have. Truly. Don't be afraid of the things that can go wrong because you can't do anything to prevent them. Be educated, know what can happen but try not to fear it. And if the shit does go down with your labor, every hospital and their staff has a place for your baby to go so that you can be taken care of. Don't even stress that.
You don't have to explain your formula feeding reasons to me. It's a personal decision that is all your own. No judgments from me.
Congratulations on your pregnancy. It's been a long time coming so enjoy it and look forward to all the good things to come.
This is really good advice that I wish I'd had before my first delivery. I wish I'd had the guts to own my desire to FF ahead of time.
I didn't even have time to fill out forms when my second child was born otherwise I would have done this. The only time I was really "badgered" by an LC was with my second delivery and this is probably why. They didn't believe me when I verbally told them I was going to FF.
Well. I guess each hospital is different. With both my kids (one born overseas and one here in the US) i was required to do pre registration around 26 weeks at the hospital of my choice so they could verify my insurance. And that's when you stated your feeding preference in both cases.
Hi, ladies. Thanks for all your responses. I suspected I was psyching myself out, which is why I sent out a plea for advice and/or reassurances that I was overreacting. I only have a few friends who have had children so far, and all of them intended and tried to breast feed, so I think that's why the lactation consultant was such a big part of their hospital experiences. That hadn't even occurred to me. I was discussing this just the other day with a friend who had given me one of the aforementioned horror stories, and she admitted that since the trauma of her birth experience (which did not go well) had faded somewhat and she's less stressed, she now sees that what she interpreted as aggressive and bullying behavior from her LC was in fact a firm, tough-love approach that actually ended up being helpful in the end. I guess it can be a matter of perspective. I have no nieces or nephews and, like I said, only a few friends who have started having children only recently, so I don't have a lot of experience and have no idea what to expect. Girlfriends who needed someone to vent to in their hazes of physical and mental exhaustion from caring for their newborns often turned to me because I'm completely non-judgmental if they admit that they hate breastfeeding or pumping, if their birth experiences were less than ideal, if they're exhausted, etc.(I think women tend to be very competitive, and so some feel more comfortable admitting their vulnerability and self-doubts to a non-mother), so I tend to hear a disproportionately large number of the horror stories. I also never thought I would have children and never expressed a desire to be a mother (although I underwent fertility treatments for several years, I never discussed it with anyone other than my mother and my husband, so it wasn't known among friends, and everyone just assumed I was the curmudgeonly anti-baby member of the pack), so I don't think my friends were specifically trying to scare me off from having children. In fact, occasionally they would jokingly say, "This will probably reinforce your desire to never have kids ..." when starting one of their rants. I suppose that I'm very stressed-out in general about all of this (I've had a pretty difficult pregnancy so far with a lot of anxieties, at one point being given only a 50% of making it to the second trimester), so I'm getting in my own head now and not letting myself just breathe and enjoy the experience. I keep waiting for a new disaster to crop up. I know I have to get a handle on that and try not to stress so much, especially about things I can control.
Thanks again, ladies.
LOVE this board. I won't be able to BF our daughter as I will be undergoing a transplant shortly after her birth and will be on strong steriods to avoid rejection for much of her first year. I have had actual nightmares about being "bullyed" into breast feeding. The last thing I was is for myself or baby girl to get attached when it's not something I can do in the weeks following her birth.
I'm not sure if you have delivered yet, but my pediatrician requires parents to meet them and see their office. During our meeting he asked for our feeding preference and told me to be firm on our FF stance. He said to tell the nurses & LC's that your Dr has ordered it. He even said if they pressure me, to let him know and he will handle it as he will be coming to check on LO everyday we are there.
If you've delivered already I hope it went well and you weren't pressured!!
I know I will be using tons of the tips and advice found on this board. Thanks Mamas!