How to deal with lactation consultants?

Re: How to deal with lactation consultants?

• rue:D member

  October 2015

  I don't have any advice to offer, but I hope you are able to get the care you want. I delivered at a hospital that is working to obtain the baby-friendly designation (it's too new of a facility to have it completed yet). When my nurse asked what my plan was and I told her FF, she said okay and that was that. Another nurse came in later and started to ask if I was ready to try to BF, and the first nurse piped in that I was FF and I had no other issues with it for my entire stay.
  
  I guess my advice is to let everyone you deal with know that you are FF and you have not made the decision lightly and you would appreciate if they would not send any LC to your room. If they do and they get pushy you need to be firm and ask them to leave. Don't be afraid to be rude if you've told them you are FF and they try to guilt trip you or forcibly make you BF.

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• Bigboobsmcgee member

  October 2015

  I think you are misusing the term "bullying" in your examples above. I mean this in the nicest way possible but I also think you are TOTALLY overthinking this! I wonder why you have all these fears about these possible scenarios and why you are already dead set on not breastfeeding. I'm not surprised that the hospitals you are researching don't advertise about formula feeding. Most won't because most new mom's breastfeed. That's just the way it is.

  Sure, lactation consultants can be pretty aggressive but it's up to YOU to stand up for your decisions and what you want. That goes for anything in life. I don't care how shy someone is, when it comes to something like this you have to speak up. That's exactly what I did after having my second child. I knew I wasn't going to breastfeed. I brought formula with me and you know what? The nurses sent a lactation consultant to my room for an "emergency exam" and I kindly told her I didn't need her help. No one grabbed my boob, no one "bullied" me but they wanted to make damn sure that I wasn't confused and didn't need any help with breastfeeding. After my first child was born I WAS confused. I had no idea what I was doing just like many FTM's. The lactation consultants bent over backwards trying to help me.

  Maybe I got lucky with my OB and the hospital I had both my children in. Who knows. Also, the hospital I gave birth in didn't have a nursery. Both of my babies stayed in the room with me my entire stay and I wouldn't have it any other way. I didn't need an hour to get my energy back. I wanted my babies by my side. That of course is a personal preference.

  I guess my advice is to go into the delivery with calmness but determination. If you know what you want then no one can make you do anything else. It's pretty simple actually.

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• kcbarbo78 member

  October 2015

  Thanks for your responses @rue and @Bigboobsmcgee ! I really think I'm letting the horror stories get to me, so I don't mind being told to calm down about it. As for wanting to avoid "family friendly" hospitals, that's also due to a horror story borne from a friend's recent experience. I expect to want my baby with me as well, but I'm comforted by knowing that I'll have options. A co-worker lost an immense amount of blood, had an emergency C-section and couldn't lift her baby and needed the extra assistance in her recovery, so if my own birth experience doesn't go to plan it's reassuring to know that there's a fully staffed nursery nearby if I need one. As for why I'm already determined to formula feed, there are some physical issues (having no breast tissue on one reconstructed breast being one of them), and also the fact that I don't have family living nearby and my husband works out-of-state and is only home on weekends, so I'll basically be a single parent with no help five days a week, which I expect to be very physically taxing once I return to my full-time job and long commute (over an hour each way). There are other reasons, but those are two biggies. We conceived with IVF after 4 years and multiple failed cycles of fertility treatments, so it's not a decision I've made lightly!

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• Bigboobsmcgee member

  October 2015

  kcbarbo78 said:

  Thanks for your responses @rue and @Bigboobsmcgee ! I really think I'm letting the horror stories get to me, so I don't mind being told to calm down about it. As for wanting to avoid "family friendly" hospitals, that's also due to a horror story borne from a friend's recent experience. I expect to want my baby with me as well, but I'm comforted by knowing that I'll have options. A co-worker lost an immense amount of blood, had an emergency C-section and couldn't lift her baby and needed the extra assistance in her recovery, so if my own birth experience doesn't go to plan it's reassuring to know that there's a fully staffed nursery nearby if I need one. As for why I'm already determined to formula feed, there are some physical issues (having no breast tissue on one reconstructed breast being one of them), and also the fact that I don't have family living nearby and my husband works out-of-state and is only home on weekends, so I'll basically be a single parent with no help five days a week, which I expect to be very physically taxing once I return to my full-time job and long commute (over an hour each way). There are other reasons, but those are two biggies. We conceived with IVF after 4 years and multiple failed cycles of fertility treatments, so it's not a decision I've made lightly!

  
  It's really too bad you've heard so many horror stories. I really hope some of your friends can tell you some good things! The births of each of my children were the most wonderful experiences I've ever had. My H went home to shower and grab things the first night after having each kid, and that alone time with each of my children, in the middle of the night are the best memories I have. Truly. Don't be afraid of the things that can go wrong because you can't do anything to prevent them. Be educated, know what can happen but try not to fear it. And if the shit does go down with your labor, every hospital and their staff has a place for your baby to go so that you can be taken care of. Don't even stress that.

  You don't have to explain your formula feeding reasons to me. It's a personal decision that is all your own. No judgments from me.

  Congratulations on your pregnancy. It's been a long time coming so enjoy it and look forward to all the good things to come.  

   

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• MynaBird member

  October 2015

  Just be polite but firm. I hemorrhaged after delivering my first and had to have a blood transfusion. When the lactation consultant came by, I was woozy, overwhelmed, and bedridden by a catheter. I told her I appreciated her concern, but I was just not up to talking about it. She did come back, but only because I had done what I felt like I was "supposed" to do and put in my birth plan that I wanted to breastfeed. It wasn't until weeks later, after failed attempts at nursing and countless lackluster pumping sessions (I learned later that it's really common for women who hemorrhage to not produce much milk) that I was able to admit to myself that it just wasn't something I was really passionate about. I didn't feel pressured, and the nurses at my (certified "family-friendly") hospital were incredibly supportive about the need to formula feed. If you get an LC who's too pushy, speak up -- to her, to your nurse, your spouse, whoever will listen -- and just make it clear you've made your choice.

  
  
  
  

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• harmonicbabe26 member

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  LC will only badger you if you check on your hospital pre registration that you plan on breastfeeding. During registration you will most likely have to check that box, so state that you want to FF. Then in the hospital, if someone asks just be assertive and say FFing and don't elaborate. Lactation will ONLY be sent to you if you express intent to BF. Believe it or not, the LC is a limited resource and the hospital is not going to waste billable hours of LC sending them to rooms where women have expressly stated they will NOT BF. LCs can be pushy if someone says they will BF because that's what they're there for (in theory) to teach and push you. But if from the get go you have stated you're NOT BFing, they will not even send lactation people to you.

  

  
  

  

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• harmonicbabe26 member

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  Also, about baby rooming in with you. It's really NOT that bad in the end. I had TWO csections for two breech babies. The first time, the hospital had a nursery and I used it a lot. Then second time around I was told that rooming in was the new community standard and believe me, I was FREAKING OUT! I knew I Would not be able to move, tired, on pain drugs etc etc etc. i think i posted questions all over here for months leading up to it. And then in the end it all turned out fine. MH was with me as much as he could, and mind you we already have another child at home and MH works... We have no family here so it was all on us. But we still managed. And rooming in really wasn't so bad in the end. i actually enjoyed having her with me so much, she slept with me in my bed - even though the nurses were fussing about that. It was FINE. Take it from a double csection mom - IT WILL BE FINE!

  

  
  

  

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• MynaBird member

  October 2015

  harmonicbabe26 said:

  LC will only badger you if you check on your hospital pre registration that you plan on breastfeeding. During registration you will most likely have to check that box, so state that you want to FF. Then in the hospital, if someone asks just be assertive and say FFing and don't elaborate.

  
  This is really good advice that I wish I'd had before my first delivery. I wish I'd had the guts to own my desire to FF ahead of time.

  
  
  
  

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• Bigboobsmcgee member

  October 2015 edited October 2015

  MynaBird said:

  harmonicbabe26 said:

  LC will only badger you if you check on your hospital pre registration that you plan on breastfeeding. During registration you will most likely have to check that box, so state that you want to FF. Then in the hospital, if someone asks just be assertive and say FFing and don't elaborate.

  
  This is really good advice that I wish I'd had before my first delivery. I wish I'd had the guts to own my desire to FF ahead of time.

  
  I didn't even have time to fill out forms when my second child was born otherwise I would have done this. The only time I was really "badgered" by an LC was with my second delivery and this is probably why. They didn't believe me when I verbally told them I was going to FF.

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• millereliz13 member

  October 2015

  We are ff by choice and used a baby friendly hospital. I had a lactation consultant swing by day one and she came over and brought us more formula. In fact, she said to her what was important is that we are feeding our DS. My advice is to tell the nurses you are formula feeding. If a consultant seems pushy, just be passive agressive, say "Thank you so much for your concern. I appreciate your help, however, I am formula feeding and only wish to know how many ounces my little one should drink at a time."

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• rue:D member

  October 2015

  harmonicbabe26 said:

  LC will only badger you if you check on your hospital pre registration that you plan on breastfeeding. During registration you will most likely have to check that box, so state that you want to FF. Then in the hospital, if someone asks just be assertive and say FFing and don't elaborate.
  Lactation will ONLY be sent to you if you express intent to BF. Believe it or not, the LC is a limited resource and the hospital is not going to waste billable hours of LC sending them to rooms where women have expressly stated they will NOT BF. LCs can be pushy if someone says they will BF because that's what they're there for (in theory) to teach and push you. But if from the get go you have stated you're NOT BFing, they will not even send lactation people to you.

  Good to know! I was asked this during my pre-registration and told them I was FF, and no LC was ever sent to my room.

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• NurseRieger member

  October 2015

  In my experience there are mom's out there who just love to tell dramatic stories to scare pregnant women. I did want to breastfeed and have for 7 weeks (supplementing and possibly transitioning to formula now) so many women told me about breastfeeding horror stories, pain, blistered nipples, low milk supply, mastitis, etc. You always hear the horror stories either way you go. All you have to do is tell the nurses you are formula feeding and most likely you won't ever see a LC. Even if you do see one she may encourage just giving the colostrum for the 1st 2 days but that's a far cry from bullying. If you are dead set against that just say so and that will be the end of it. Your body and your baby so your choice.

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• jerseygirl227 member

  October 2015

  
  

  MynaBird said:

   It wasn't until weeks later, after failed attempts at nursing and countless lackluster pumping sessions (I learned later that it's really common for women who hemorrhage to not produce much milk) that I was able to admit to myself that it just wasn't something I was really passionate about.

  Well, hell!  I coulda used that information about hemorrhaging and low supply about three months ago, lol.  I hemmorrhaged after my c-section and my milk never came in.  I felt so guilty about not being able to BF.  I pumped.  I took supplements.  I met with the LC after I left the hospital.  I was an emotional mess.  I finally quit trying when my LO was a month old.  One of the best decisions I think I made.

  

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• harmonicbabe26 member

  October 2015

  Bigboobsmcgee said:

  MynaBird said:

  harmonicbabe26 said:

  LC will only badger you if you check on your hospital pre registration that you plan on breastfeeding. During registration you will most likely have to check that box, so state that you want to FF. Then in the hospital, if someone asks just be assertive and say FFing and don't elaborate.

  
  This is really good advice that I wish I'd had before my first delivery. I wish I'd had the guts to own my desire to FF ahead of time.

  
  I didn't even have time to fill out forms when my second child was born otherwise I would have done this. The only time I was really "badgered" by an LC was with my second delivery and this is probably why. They didn't believe me when I verbally told them I was going to FF.

  
  Well. I guess each hospital is different. With both my kids (one born overseas and one here in the US) i was required to do pre registration around 26 weeks at the hospital of my choice so they could verify my insurance. And that's when you stated your feeding preference in both cases.

  

  
  

  

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• kcbarbo78 member

  October 2015

  Hi, ladies.  Thanks for all your responses.  I suspected I was psyching myself out, which is why I sent out a plea for advice and/or reassurances that I was overreacting.  I only have a few friends who have had children so far, and all of them intended and tried to breast feed, so I think that's why the lactation consultant was such a big part of their hospital experiences.  That hadn't even occurred to me.  I was discussing this just the other day with a friend who had given me one of the aforementioned horror stories, and she admitted that since the trauma of her birth experience (which did not go well) had faded somewhat and she's less stressed, she now sees that what she interpreted as aggressive and bullying behavior from her LC was in fact a firm, tough-love approach that actually ended up being helpful in the end.  I guess it can be a matter of perspective.  I have no nieces or nephews and, like I said, only a few friends who have started having children only recently, so I don't have a lot of experience and have no idea what to expect.  Girlfriends who needed someone to vent to in their hazes of physical and mental exhaustion from caring for their newborns often turned to me because I'm completely non-judgmental if they admit that they hate breastfeeding or pumping, if their birth experiences were less than ideal, if they're exhausted, etc.(I think women tend to be very competitive, and so some feel more comfortable admitting their vulnerability and self-doubts to a non-mother), so I tend to hear a disproportionately large number of the horror stories.  I also never thought I would have children and never expressed a desire to be a mother (although I underwent fertility treatments for several years, I never discussed it with anyone other than my mother and my husband, so it wasn't known among friends, and everyone just assumed I was the curmudgeonly anti-baby member of the pack), so I don't think my friends were specifically trying to scare me off from having children.  In fact, occasionally they would jokingly say, "This will probably reinforce your desire to never have kids ..." when starting one of their rants.  I suppose that I'm very stressed-out in general about all of this (I've had a pretty difficult pregnancy so far with a lot of anxieties, at one point being given only a 50% of making it to the second trimester), so I'm getting in my own head now and not letting myself just breathe and enjoy the experience.  I keep waiting for a new disaster to crop up.  I know I have to get a handle on that and try not to stress so much, especially about things I can control.

  Thanks again, ladies.

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• NurseRieger member

  October 2015

  I think there is a lot of pressure on women to breastfeed and statistically 3 of 4 women do when they deliver at the hospital. That being said 1 of 4 women never does so any given day in a hospital there are a few women who just give formula from the start so you will not be the only formula feeding mom there. Definitely not worth stressing about.

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• SLGILL1978 member

  October 2015

  Just make it known to your doctor that you are planning on formula feeding. Typically the LCs only visit moms who state they are breastfeeding. 

  "http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt18fa75.aspx

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• summererdvig member

  January 2016

  ** Lurking from Feb 2016 moms **
  
  LOVE this board. I won't be able to BF our daughter as I will be undergoing a transplant shortly after her birth and will be on strong steriods to avoid rejection for much of her first year. I have had actual nightmares about being "bullyed" into breast feeding. The last thing I was is for myself or baby girl to get attached when it's not something I can do in the weeks following her birth.
  
  I'm not sure if you have delivered yet, but my pediatrician requires parents to meet them and see their office. During our meeting he asked for our feeding preference and told me to be firm on our FF stance. He said to tell the nurses & LC's that your Dr has ordered it. He even said if they pressure me, to let him know and he will handle it as he will be coming to check on LO everyday we are there.
  
  If you've delivered already I hope it went well and you weren't pressured!!
  
  I know I will be using tons of the tips and advice found on this board. Thanks Mamas!

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• amm0512 member

  January 2016

  Sorry, I'm pretty late replying to this, but I thought I would put my experiences out there for anyone who reads this in the future.  I delivered DS and DD at the same hospital two years apart, a hospital which just so happens to be extremely pro-breastfeeding.  I coworker warned me that his wife called them "breastfeeding Nazis" because she felt like they forced her to breastfeed.  I never intended to feed either baby from my breasts, but I have EP with both of them.  When DS was born at 36+6 via c section due to breech presentation, I was bullied into taking off my bra to do skin-to-skin.  And yes, I will use the term bullied, because they were forceful, incessant, and demeaning.  I was so discombobulated from the unexpected section and drowsy from anesthesia, it never even occurred to me to say DH could do it.  Once in our room, the nurse berated me for not breastfeeding and even brought an LC to try to force me to try.  Two days later at DS's follow up appointment, I was then interrogated by pediatrics on why I was pumping instead of breastfeeding.  With DD, I faced the same issues with L&D, the mommy-baby ward, and pediatrics, but I stood firm on things I did not want to do. It's your body and your baby...do what is best for both of you.

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• knottie9d474db5efff9204 member

  August 2024

  Hi there! It’s understandable to be concerned about dealing with aggressive lactation consultants, especially given the stories you’ve heard. While many consultants are supportive and respectful, it’s important to advocate for your own needs. Communicate clearly with your hospital staff about your feeding choice and any concerns you have. You can also reach out to services like Wombroom.mom, which offer virtual lactation consultations that might provide a more comfortable experience. Remember, you have the right to a supportive environment that respects your choices. If you encounter any issues, don’t hesitate to speak up or request a different consultant. You're not alone, and it's okay to set boundaries to ensure you have a positive experience.
  

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