Any co-sleeping Mothers Out There? — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Any co-sleeping Mothers Out There?

I got a few questions about co-sleeping and anti-"crying it out" methods. I have co-slept with my LO since he was a newborn however I do think I want to try and get him to at least nap or start out the night in his crib or his pack n play in our room. I keep asking people for advice but all I get is shamed for co-sleeping and "letting my son manipulate me" when he cries for me at night. I have taken all the precautions with sleeping with my LO and everything in my being tells me that when my son cries for me it is my duty as a mother to comfort him. 

My question is, is there a method, that does not involve leaving my son to cry himself to sleep, that I can do so I can have a little time to myself and do not have to go to bed at the same time as my baby?

Please no more judgments!

Re: Any co-sleeping Mothers Out There?

  • I think it's going to have to be a trial and error situation. My LO spits her time co sleeping and sleeping in her crib. She sleeps in two hour chunks. When I can no longer take getting up in the MOTN I co sleep with her. My pediatrician recommended putting her in her crib, when she cries go pick her up to soothe and then put her back down drowsy. Rinse and repeat. This hasn't worked for me because she's comforted by my boobs and won't settle until she's back on. He also suggested enlisting DH to help in these situations in order to teach her to fall asleep on her own and break her habit of needing me. I think only now is he ready to help with this so we may start trying this week. Other options are letting them cry in times intervals for a couple of nights until they are trained, but as you stated you're not ready for this, and that's ok. I wasn't either with my first until 8 months. Then we just had to let him cry for a little bit. I guess he was ready and I was too at that point. I guess you will just have to go on your instinct when you feel you're ready and lo is ready.
  • I co sleep when I can't get up anymore in the MOTN too. I think you'll just have to start one day putting him in his crib. I would start at night. Mine won't nap in his crib well but will sleep at night in it. I still put mine down sound asleep or he wakes up. Maybe try that?
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  • I'm in the same boat as the two ladies above. No advice. We've set out to let our LO cry it out on multiple occasions, but end up giving in. Good luck!
  • I have a love- hate relationship with cosleeping.... I tend to give in during the very early morning for a couple of hours... But I also wake up with a 4 year old in my bed after he wanders in in the middle of the night so I am seriously doubting my method...
  • I co sleep but we don't plan to use a crib. We have the bed on the floor so he'd be safer on the bed alone if we kept a close eye on him but honestly I just go to bed when he does at 8. Boring I know :) Bed sharing is awesome though!
  • I co sleep, thinking about getting a crib after Christmas. I don't care what anyone says to me, my baby my decision lol
  • @Heartxshapedxboxie i think there is a tension release cry that many LO's do before falling asleep, all part of their learning process. I co-sleep and we've never done the CIO method. We don't have things perfect, but we're happy. He sleeps in bed with us at night and in the crib next to the bed during naps. Initially he would only nap in my arms but little by little we made changes and now we do our little nap time routine and I then lay next to him and he put himself to sleep with little intervention, then I sneak out and he sleeps by himself. He 'cries' a little before falling asleep often, but I'm beside him and it's because he's tired and figuring out how to settle. Generally his eyes are closed and he's rubbing them or squishing his face into my chest for a few minutes, then he falls asleep. We're working on creating more space between us so eventually, hopefully, I won't have to stay with him. But if I wasn't accepting of his cries/fussing, I'm not sure how I would be giving him an opportunity to learn how to sleep on his own. But this really isn't letting him CIO, so perhaps it's something that you could consider too. My other suggestion is being consistent with a routine beforehand so you're confident LO knows it's nap time, work your way to setting him down earlier and earlier as he's learning how to do this on his own and watch then clock, don't 'rescue' him until he's given putting himself to sleep a shot. Best of luck mama!
  • Sorry you are getting that reaction. Admittedly, I used to roll my eyes at co-sleeping... but all of those preconceived ideas sure mean nothing when you actually have your own baby to care for. 

    Not much to add. If you've swaddled before, is that something you could return to temporarily to start the night out and help him feel more secure in the new bed? Might also help to have him spend some awake time in the PnP or crib to get him used to it.
    Me-37, DH-38
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    Baby Boy born June 1, 2015

    He settles her in her home as a happy mother of children, praise the Lord! (Psalms 113:9)
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  • I've done a mix of co-sleeping and putting LO in his bassinet or PnP since he was born. He starts the nights in his PnP usually, but on the nights he just won't go down on his own, I lay in bed with him, cuddle til he's almost asleep, then transfer him to the PnP. He's pret-ty drowsy, arguably asleep, but he transfers fine.

    He napped alone in the middle of our bed for a few months and then started nappi alone in his PnP. You might also consider putting one of your nursing tanks or something that smells like you into the crib with him, then take it out a little bit after he sleeps.

    I have let my baby cry on a few occasions when I can tell it's an over-tired cry. I usually time it for 5 minutes and I usually pick him up and comfort him if it goes 5+ minutes. It's not the Ferber method, but it's what I can stand, and often e falls asleep within 5 minutes. Just as often, I can tell after 2 minutes that he just needs me, so I go in to comfort him.

    I do this because we have him in a different home at least three nights a week. No consistency so I'm more sympathetic to him needing his mama.

    Hope something helps. Good luck! Ignore the critics. Co-sleeping can be such a gift.
  • Thank all you wonderful mamas for your support! I'm so thankful for the advice and kind words. I'm gonna give what you guys suggested a try! Wish me luck!
  • edited December 2015
    Nothing to add but I wanted to thank you for this thread. I've been cosleeping and feeling incredibly guilty about it. Baby sleeps so well with us and terrible in his crib so co-sleeping ended up being a option that ensured we both got a decent night's rest. My nurse is extremely by the book and really doesn't take no for an answer, simply says "you need to tough it out, or you're gonna have a spoiled kid."
    Edited to add: it feels nice to have other moms in the same boat! Best of luck to all you ladies and thank you for a place of advice/support. :)

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  • ksimo6ksimo6
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited December 2015
    My LO starts in his crib in a swaddle and usually tries to break out of the swaddle in the middle of the night. I usually go get him and bring him to bed with me in the spare room. We co-sleep after he eats .... Usually about 2-3 hours. My husband mans our daughter so it works for all of us right now.

    If your baby will take a swaddle, maybe try that for naps. We have Also found that white noise is super helpful. Good luck.

    Oh and fuck all the people who have any option about how you and your LO sleep. None of their business
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  • Just want to comment that I'm glad I found this thread. People are so F*** judgy. I think I may try a combo of crib/co-sleeping at night and return to sleep training in a few weeks!
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  • jessieR358jessieR358
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2016
    We still co sleep in the early mornings! This mama needs her sleep to work 11 hour days!

    ETA: we're going on vacation in a few months and I just requested a king bed. I figure LO can just sleep in the bed with us. I'm not putting our pack n play on the plane and I don't really trust a hotel roll away crib.
  • I put LO to bed at 7 in his own crib and join him at 11 or so. I used to nurse him at 9 or 9:39 but he's finally dropped that feeding. I sometimes try to put him back in the crib (at the foot of the bed) but he's usually in with me by 1 am for the night. I do this so I can get more sleep with a baby that doesn't take a bottle during the day very much. I have to work so I have to sleep. I don't think it necessarily leads to any issues. It could but I know plenty on non-cosleepers that have toddlers with sleep issues. I'm pretty unapologetic about it when people give me crap. I need to sleep, he needs food if he's not going to take milk or formula during the day. Yes, I totally baby him but he's a baby so I'm cool with that :wink:

    Can you start doing the back and forth between the bed and the crib in the room at night? Maybe this will buy you a few day time naps in the crib?

    If you want another resource you could try to "No Cry Sleep Solution" Book. I used these techniques with both my kids and it didn't make them sleep through the night or anything but it helped and eventually made by 1st easy to put down at night and a good napper. We did this a bit with LO when he started waking multiple times an hour but we haven't pushed it. We did get him to a sleeping from 7-10 or 11 and then up every 1.5-2 hours schedule and this is much better than having to be in with him starting at 8. I use the 3-4 hours to work or have some time to myself.
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  • We will always be judged for co sleeping.

    I usually rock LO to sleep. I dont mind and it works for us. When he is good and out I lay him in his co sleeper. He stays down for a few hours and then ends up in my bed. I'm ok with this for now. DD did much better after a year don't expect him to sleep alone all night until that age or later. I also lay him down for naps and whatever time he sleeps I let it be. We're happy, healthy, and confident in our method.
  • We're co-sleeping, but in the process of getting LO into his crib next to the bed.  Most nights he stays in the crib until 4-5am as of recently, although he still wakes regularly throughout the night to nurse.  

    I loved reading this information about the benefits of co-sleeping, it's a 'go to' when someone tries giving me a hard time.  Thought I would share:

  • I am so glad there are so many more co-sleepers out there than I thought!! Glad to hear from all of you!!
  • We do that when we travel. The first time we took a pack and play but he slept horribly. So now in hotels or when we visit my family he sleeps with us. He sleeps most of the time in his crib, except for when he is sick or wakes up in the middle of the night
    /very early in the morning. Then he sleeps with us and I love it. Also his late nap and weekend naps we put him in our bed. I always lay with him for a few minutes. A few times I nap with him. Love it!!!
  • Any one wanna talk about co-sleeping bedtime routines? What time do you start? How do you wind LO down? What's your favorite part? Ect...
  • We will be travelling soon for a few weeks and I was wondering if baby would go back to her crib after co-sleeping on our holiday?

    We bed shared from 2 - 5.5 mths and once it became clear that it wasn't working for us we transitioned her to her crib. She's now just over 7 months and sleeping well in her crib. If we co-sleep on holiday do you think she'll go back to her crib ok?
  • beemaya83beemaya83
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Photogenic
    edited January 2016
    @Heartxshapedxboxie ;

    since i I haven't been able to implement the FERBER method completely, we do a combo of crib and co-sleeping (bed sharing). At around 5:45pm, LO takes a bath. By 6:00pm, do last solid feeding whch is always multigrain cereal. 6:15-6:45 go to living room and do some floor time. 6:45 go to room, dim lights, put on sleep sack, feed last bottle, rock until very drowsy and put in crib. By 7:00pm he is out! He wakes up around 12:00-1:00 wanting to feed and diaper change. He then comes into our bed. Sleeps the rest of the night until 7:00am! 
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  • Co-sleeper mommas (bed sharing and/or crib in parents room) at how many months do you plan to transition your LO to his own room? 
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  • No plan. He'll go to his own room when he wants to. We are moving later this year and will make a room for him with a floor bed (Montessori style) so when he decides it will be ready to go. It helps since DH is cool with him staying too
  • We've upped our cosleeping lately, but I'm starting to think none of us get as much sleep this way, any more...
  • @beemaya83 ;
    I am hoping by 12 months or 18 months but I won't push hard.
  • I'm hoping by the time she turns one (baby girl is 7.5 months)....but as PP's have said, I'm not going to push hard for it.  We start out in the crib and then bring her back to bed with us if she cries for longer than 30 seconds (give or take).
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