Knottie9983816 Ugh, I really feel for you. It's a very tough situation both for your life and for your relationship with your fiance. I thought I might offer our solution to handling our money in case it might suit you two. We both have our checks deposited into our joint account, and then we each transfer a set amount to our personal accounts. All of our savings, investments, and expenses are paid (by me or automatically) from the joint account. We use our personal accounts for our own "stuff"--I get my hair done/buy clothes while he buys electronics, etc. DH and I married in our 30s and were accustomed to spending our money how we saw fit (but within our means). Our system was designed so that he would never have the opportunity to say "You spent how much on a pair of shoes?" and I don't ask, "How many hard drives do you already have?" But it also serves the purpose of ensuring that all of our financial goals and obligations are met before discretionary purchases are made, and makes the limits on personal spending crystal clear (what's in your personal account). Good luck with solving this issue with your fiance, as you know it's really important for your lives together.
This is the exact same system DH and I have. He's a big spender and it works out much better if he knows he only has whatever is in his personal account each month.
Knowing how much of his spending was going to totally superfluous things and how much easier life is when we have money in savings has actually made him want to spend less of his own personal money, too
We have multiple bank accounts for this very reason. I ask him for whatever I need to help pay bills, and then he has an account for play/groceries/gas/coffee/etc. I pay all of of our bills, so pretty much all of my paychecks go towards bills. The only way we can money into savings is through his whatever account, which is annoying.
Knottie9983816 Ugh, I really feel for you. It's a very tough situation both for your life and for your relationship with your fiance. I thought I might offer our solution to handling our money in case it might suit you two. We both have our checks deposited into our joint account, and then we each transfer a set amount to our personal accounts. All of our savings, investments, and expenses are paid (by me or automatically) from the joint account. We use our personal accounts for our own "stuff"--I get my hair done/buy clothes while he buys electronics, etc. DH and I married in our 30s and were accustomed to spending our money how we saw fit (but within our means). Our system was designed so that he would never have the opportunity to say "You spent how much on a pair of shoes?" and I don't ask, "How many hard drives do you already have?" But it also serves the purpose of ensuring that all of our financial goals and obligations are met before discretionary purchases are made, and makes the limits on personal spending crystal clear (what's in your personal account). Good luck with solving this issue with your fiance, as you know it's really important for your lives together.
This is the exact same system DH and I have. He's a big spender and it works out much better if he knows he only has whatever is in his personal account each month.
Knowing how much of his spending was going to totally superfluous things and how much easier life is when we have money in savings has actually made him want to spend less of his own personal money, too
Agree and agree. This has been our system too, we started it a year before getting married and it's worked well.
Thank you for the advice ladies. I'm not sure how to work this all out when I quit working at the end of February as far as joint bank accounts and the like goes, but I'm sure I'll figure something out >.<
Just got the test results back from my glucose test... I am so far away from passing that test it's scary. The funny thing about it though is I don't normally eat carbohydrates more than once every couple of days, and I definitely don't eat a lot of sugar (including fruits and juices) so to me testing to see how well I handle something I don't often eat is a little... strange? Anyway I found this commentary on it from a paleo website and it pretty much summed up exactly how I'm feeling about it. (Bee stings=Sugar/Carbohydrates)
"Miss, could you step up here," asked the seemingly nice and caring doc. "I want to test you. It’s for your baby."
"Test me for what," asked the girl rather innocently — merely curious — who’d been so horny as to let her man knock her up with no thought of the long-terms consequences.
"Dear, that’s really not for you to understand. …I want to ensure that you’re sensitive and fully responsive to bee sting anti-venom."
"…Sensitive…? …Anti…??? …But I stay away from bees; I had my experiences when I was a silly girl; and now I keep away…no matter the honey."
"Didn’t you read the literature? We told you to get 4-5 bee stings per day," the doc admonished; showing signs of impatience.
"But bee stings hurt! And worse, they make me feel bad for days. They itch; they hurt. It seemed the right thing to do to just avoid them."
"WELL HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HANDLE THEM, THEN!?"
And with that, the doc ushered her into the enclosure to get not the 4-5 stings she’s recommended to get in a day, but 4-5 in the space of a few minutes, just to see how sensitive she’d be to the anti-venom; in the space of an hour.
"You didn’t do too well," said the doc, conclusively. "I’m afraid we’re going to have to re-run the test."
"Re-run the test!!!? …You mean 4-5 more stings," asked the girl, pleading ‘no!‘ by implication.
"Oh, no," replied the doc. "See, we’re wondering if this was just a fluke, so here’s what we’re gonna do: over the next week, I want you to get stung 1-2 times per day, 2-3, 3-4, 4-5 and so on…for a week. Got it; understood!?"
"Oh no!"
"Yes, and then we’ll see if you can handle 10 bee stings in a hour!" (he tried, but could couldn’t resist letting off a tinge of excitement, at this point).
My bfm is that there is a Supernatural convention in town this weekend, and I just found out about it today! So of course all tickets are sold out!!! If I had known about this ahead of time, I could have bought tickets for both me and my mom and bought tickets to get autographs too, and that could have been her Christmas present. Gah!!! She's a huge Supernatural fan. We've been watching since season 1. I'm so bummed!!!!
I never had a chance to post this yesterday so I'm late! My BFM could be a WTFW, or a FFFC probably. Next Monday is DH's 30th birthday and his whole family is coming down to visit. So, all the people we just spent 2 weeks with over the holidays are coming, and staying with us, and did I mention there are six of them and they invited themselves? Not to mention I have no idea where everyone is going to sleep, the house is a mess, what am I going to feed everyone and what the heck are we going to do to entertain them from Fri-Mon? Also we couldn't start painting and setting up the nursery because now we need to use the room for people to sleep in.
MIL announced a couple of days before we came back from Xmas that they were coming down and "oh by the way we invited your BIL and SIL and they are coming too now oh and your other BIL is a maybe he doesn't know if he can take time off work." Next thing I know BIL2 is for sure coming and oh by the way so is his on again-off again gf and they are coming Friday afternoon - "someone will be home right?" UGH! I hate to play the "poor pregnant lady" card, but dammit I AM pregnant, and this shit is exhausting. Cleaning the house, washing 3 sets of bedding, trying to get DH to talk to everyone and figure out exactly who is coming when and if they can bring an air mattress, planning meals and activities, trying to figure out where everyone is going to sit, if we have enough place settings for everyone, driving everyone's drunk ass around... argh. And it's DH's b-day so while I did tell him he needs to help with all this I feel bad because it's supposed to be his weekend.
To be honest I feel like a real brat bitching about this. I know I should just be thankful that they live close enough to drive down and that they care and want to spend time with us. I think I'm mostly annoyed that we had no say in any of this, and it's HIS birthday and OUR house. I would feel better about it if this had been more on our terms. As in we invited them, we set the dates, we had planned activities, etc. But it isn't going down like that at all which is frustrating and drives the planner in me absolutely NUTS!
Whew... Ok it felt good to get that out. Hopefully you all don't think I'm a terrible person now!!
@spatter1 you are not a terrible person! No way would I allow that to happen! I cant believe they would be so rude as to invite thenselves to stay at your house for the entire weekend. It doesnt matter that its his birthday, that is still unacceptable. My dh's 30th bday was in December, and my inlaws live almost 2 hours away. We met them in a city somewhat halfway between us for dinner. I guess its too late for you now to back out, but certainly dont play hostess. They are family and I would expect them to help out with dinner prep and even picking up the tab. Or you could even just call them and say you just dont have the space and they will have to get hotel rooms. Inconsiderate people like that make me so mad! Sorry you are having to deal with that!
@spatter1 you are a better person than me, because my response would be a big "oh hell no". That is bizarre to invite not only yourself but other family members over for an entire weekend without asking if it's ok.
@loveymay Thank you for validating my feelings! I feel like I can't complain too much to DH about it bc I don't want to put him in a shitty position but damn this is annoying. Don't get me wrong, he knows I'm pissed and stressed and even last night said "If I could cancel this I would" but I told him it's too late now. And it's all his mom. She just only thinks about what she wants to do and what works for her - never mind what other people have going on. This woman is going to make me crazy when the baby gets here, I just know it.
ETA: @AEG84 I know, I so badly wanted to be like "ummm excuse me? I don't think so". And it's extra annoying because we JUST spent so much time with them... I was so ready to come home and get back into a routine after the holidays and we got one weekend which we now had to spend cleaning and organizing for their visit. DH and his brothers are just all total mama's boys and now that 2 of them are married I think MIL feels the need to exert her control over them and make sure she still has it. Ugh. DH and I have already had several conversations about the fact that we are married and have our own family now so the three of us (me, him, and baby) are priority number one when it comes to decision making. I think we'll have to have this talk a few more times before it totally sinks in...
I threw up at work today, all over my cubicle. I wasn't even nauseous, just all of the sudden I got crazy dizzy and threw up. I get home and check my work email to find my boss has sent a company wide email about not coming to work nauseous and not coming to work if you think you are sick. I'm sorry, okay? I was not nauseous this morning, and I am not sick. Also, can I say not everyone can afford a day off work. My family depends on that paycheck, and with no benefits, I may well come to work sick. But (again!) I DIDN'T!!!!!!! It was gross, it's a bio hazard, but I don't like it more than you do!!!
Jana Lynn
Happily married since 5/24/2015 Momma of a baby Viking since 4/16, expecting #2 in 5/18
I never had a chance to post this yesterday so I'm late! My BFM could be a WTFW, or a FFFC probably. Next Monday is DH's 30th birthday and his whole family is coming down to visit. So, all the people we just spent 2 weeks with over the holidays are coming, and staying with us, and did I mention there are six of them and they invited themselves? Not to mention I have no idea where everyone is going to sleep, the house is a mess, what am I going to feed everyone and what the heck are we going to do to entertain them from Fri-Mon? Also we couldn't start painting and setting up the nursery because now we need to use the room for people to sleep in.
MIL announced a couple of days before we came back from Xmas that they were coming down and "oh by the way we invited your BIL and SIL and they are coming too now oh and your other BIL is a maybe he doesn't know if he can take time off work." Next thing I know BIL2 is for sure coming and oh by the way so is his on again-off again gf and they are coming Friday afternoon - "someone will be home right?" UGH! I hate to play the "poor pregnant lady" card, but dammit I AM pregnant, and this shit is exhausting. Cleaning the house, washing 3 sets of bedding, trying to get DH to talk to everyone and figure out exactly who is coming when and if they can bring an air mattress, planning meals and activities, trying to figure out where everyone is going to sit, if we have enough place settings for everyone, driving everyone's drunk ass around... argh. And it's DH's b-day so while I did tell him he needs to help with all this I feel bad because it's supposed to be his weekend.
To be honest I feel like a real brat bitching about this. I know I should just be thankful that they live close enough to drive down and that they care and want to spend time with us. I think I'm mostly annoyed that we had no say in any of this, and it's HIS birthday and OUR house. I would feel better about it if this had been more on our terms. As in we invited them, we set the dates, we had planned activities, etc. But it isn't going down like that at all which is frustrating and drives the planner in me absolutely NUTS!
Whew... Ok it felt good to get that out. Hopefully you all don't think I'm a terrible person now!!
Thank you for the advice ladies. I'm not sure how to work this all out when I quit working at the end of February as far as joint bank accounts and the like goes, but I'm sure I'll figure something out >.<</p>
I'm just curious - but why would you quit your job if you're having a hard time paying bills? You might have posted about it before and I missed it.
The "allowance" system as my husband calls it has worked well for us too. We can each spend money on frivolous things without the other getting mad bc it's considered our personal money.
Thank you for the advice ladies. I'm not sure how to work this all out when I quit working at the end of February as far as joint bank accounts and the like goes, but I'm sure I'll figure something out >.<</p>
I'm just curious - but why would you quit your job if you're having a hard time paying bills? You might have posted about it before and I missed it.
The "allowance" system as my husband calls it has worked well for us too. We can each spend money on frivolous things without the other getting mad bc it's considered our personal money.
I'm in the "omg it's so much cheaper for me to stay home than pay for childcare" camp. For the record, if I did have the ability to have any type of better paying job, I would keep working after LO is born. And I will still be teaching at the studio I'm with, but that's only 2-4 (at most) hours a week, and although it's at $20 an hour, I have no way to get more hours so it's a moot point.
Also, we normally don't have an issue with paying our bills, but we've had a lot happen within the past year that's depleted our savings, and left us (meaning me) very vulnerable. Once we get through this month we should be back on track. I just have to keep SO from being stupid and buying powerball tickets and forgetting his lunch and a lot of other things...
I'm still stuck on how much better he is at "jobbing" where I'm terrible at it, yet when it comes to "adulting" I'm light years ahead of him?
I threw up at work today, all over my cubicle. I wasn't even nauseous, just all of the sudden I got crazy dizzy and threw up. I get home and check my work email to find my boss has sent a company wide email about not coming to work nauseous and not coming to work if you think you are sick. I'm sorry, okay? I was not nauseous this morning, and I am not sick. Also, can I say not everyone can afford a day off work. My family depends on that paycheck, and with no benefits, I may well come to work sick. But (again!) I DIDN'T!!!!!!! It was gross, it's a bio hazard, but I don't like it more than you do!!!
Oh no, how horrible! Honestly, it seems a little out of line for your boss to send that email. If he (she?) has an issue with what happened with you, he should address it with you directly. (And it doesn't sound like you did anything wrong...shit happens!) Totally passive aggressive behavior on his part.
Re: BFM 1/11
"Miss, could you step up here," asked the seemingly nice and caring doc. "I want to test you. It’s for your baby."
"Test me for what," asked the girl rather innocently — merely curious — who’d been so horny as to let her man knock her up with no thought of the long-terms consequences.
"Dear, that’s really not for you to understand. …I want to ensure that you’re sensitive and fully responsive to bee sting anti-venom."
"…Sensitive…? …Anti…??? …But I stay away from bees; I had my experiences when I was a silly girl; and now I keep away…no matter the honey."
"Didn’t you read the literature? We told you to get 4-5 bee stings per day," the doc admonished; showing signs of impatience.
"But bee stings hurt! And worse, they make me feel bad for days. They itch; they hurt. It seemed the right thing to do to just avoid them."
"WELL HOW ARE YOU GOING TO HANDLE THEM, THEN!?"
And with that, the doc ushered her into the enclosure to get not the 4-5 stings she’s recommended to get in a day, but 4-5 in the space of a few minutes, just to see how sensitive she’d be to the anti-venom; in the space of an hour.
"You didn’t do too well," said the doc, conclusively. "I’m afraid we’re going to have to re-run the test."
"Re-run the test!!!? …You mean 4-5 more stings," asked the girl, pleading ‘no!‘ by implication.
"Oh, no," replied the doc. "See, we’re wondering if this was just a fluke, so here’s what we’re gonna do: over the next week, I want you to get stung 1-2 times per day, 2-3, 3-4, 4-5 and so on…for a week. Got it; understood!?"
"Oh no!"
"Yes, and then we’ll see if you can handle 10 bee stings in a hour!" (he tried, but could couldn’t resist letting off a tinge of excitement, at this point).
"And if I fail?" she whimpered.
"Oh, missy; you do not want to fail."
MIL announced a couple of days before we came back from Xmas that they were coming down and "oh by the way we invited your BIL and SIL and they are coming too now oh and your other BIL is a maybe he doesn't know if he can take time off work." Next thing I know BIL2 is for sure coming and oh by the way so is his on again-off again gf and they are coming Friday afternoon - "someone will be home right?" UGH! I hate to play the "poor pregnant lady" card, but dammit I AM pregnant, and this shit is exhausting. Cleaning the house, washing 3 sets of bedding, trying to get DH to talk to everyone and figure out exactly who is coming when and if they can bring an air mattress, planning meals and activities, trying to figure out where everyone is going to sit, if we have enough place settings for everyone, driving everyone's drunk ass around... argh. And it's DH's b-day so while I did tell him he needs to help with all this I feel bad because it's supposed to be his weekend.
To be honest I feel like a real brat bitching about this. I know I should just be thankful that they live close enough to drive down and that they care and want to spend time with us. I think I'm mostly annoyed that we had no say in any of this, and it's HIS birthday and OUR house. I would feel better about it if this had been more on our terms. As in we invited them, we set the dates, we had planned activities, etc. But it isn't going down like that at all which is frustrating and drives the planner in me absolutely NUTS!
Whew... Ok it felt good to get that out. Hopefully you all don't think I'm a terrible person now!!
ETA: @AEG84 I know, I so badly wanted to be like "ummm excuse me? I don't think so". And it's extra annoying because we JUST spent so much time with them... I was so ready to come home and get back into a routine after the holidays and we got one weekend which we now had to spend cleaning and organizing for their visit. DH and his brothers are just all total mama's boys and now that 2 of them are married I think MIL feels the need to exert her control over them and make sure she still has it. Ugh. DH and I have already had several conversations about the fact that we are married and have our own family now so the three of us (me, him, and baby) are priority number one when it comes to decision making. I think we'll have to have this talk a few more times before it totally sinks in...
Thanks ladies for making me feel better about how I feel about this whole thing!!! You're the BEST!
The "allowance" system as my husband calls it has worked well for us too. We can each spend money on frivolous things without the other getting mad bc it's considered our personal money.
Also, we normally don't have an issue with paying our bills, but we've had a lot happen within the past year that's depleted our savings, and left us (meaning me) very vulnerable. Once we get through this month we should be back on track. I just have to keep SO from being stupid and buying powerball tickets and forgetting his lunch and a lot of other things...
I'm still stuck on how much better he is at "jobbing" where I'm terrible at it, yet when it comes to "adulting" I'm light years ahead of him?