Awkward IL moment of the morning: FIL thumbing through my Bradley birth book, then asking with bewildered eyes, "Are you really going to do all that?" (By the way, pretty much all the mamas in that book are naked, so that really helped me out.) How can i even start to explain to him? Lol! MIL thinks I'm crazy for even considering a natural birth. Now I guess FIL is on the same boat. At least DH is supportive.
Lesson learned: Don't leave birth equipment or reading materials in the living room unattended.
@bdanks you need a new living situation ASAP. You're only going to have resentment between BIL and his family if you stay there.
Your SOs family seems like real winners and difficult to deal with. Not putting you down for borrowing money but if your parents seem like their comfortable so I'd approach them when you need things. They seem like they'd be better w payment plans, etc instead of owing small amounts to other people.
As for a house I unless you can swing it now you'll likely have difficulty on mat leave, especially where you have existing debts. I'm not trying to be negative just that owning a home comes with a lot of expenses. I have a really good job and my husband has a decent one (he's a very well paid student) we decided to have kids now in our early 30s, live in an apt and save for a down payment so we won't be punched during mat leave and the expensive period of day care. Lots of people disagree with our decision because "owning a home is a great investment" but I think it's a well known fact that raising kids and money issues are two of the biggest stressors on marriage. Why set ourselves up for failure taking on a huge expense during a time we're new at parenting and not doing 100% financially. If your parents are willing to put a down payment for you and co-sign then that may work really well, but just be prepared for unexpected expenses.
I definitely still think you should explore alternate living arrangements. You're going to be sequestered into what basically is a small 1 bedroom apt with a really dirty kitchen. When you start doing stuff for the baby (like making baby food or if you FF) you're going to want to bleach the whole thing. Maybe it was just me but when I did things for the baby j wanted everything top-notch.
We will be moving in February, when our lease is up at the apartment, unfortunately without spending a lot of money to get out of the lease that will be the soonest we can move. Also we are looking for a house to rent, not to buy at this point considering we are not sure if we want to stay in the city or move to one of the outlying smaller towns. I have made it very clear to SO and everyone else that I will absolutely NOT be bringing a new baby into that apartment period. Thanks for responding!!
@bdanks oh thank goodness!!! If I was in that living situation I'd be stressed to the max and that's the last thing you need with new baby. Situations like that are so much easier with an end date. Not sure if nesting has kicked in yet but you might just happily tackle the gross kitchen and dining room mess ... cleaning while nesting is soooo satisfying and I hate cleaning.
I'm not sure what part of the country you live in, but buying isn't always as scary as it seems-and it can be much more cost effective than renting, even month to month with equity not considered. If you are considering moving outside of a city, it's going to be even cheaper but obviously you need time to figure that out. What we pay in mortgage, insurance, upkeep, bills,etc is a lot less than we would pay in rent in our area. We live in a rural area and nice rentals (not appartments, but single family homes) are high in rent because people with either No Means to get a loan, or who will be here temp for work, or had to get here in a hurry for work and are finding a home to buy, so rent is high because the know people will pay it). It really depends on so so so many factors. I bought my house at 23, 3 years ago and it's already raised in value 11% and we have done nothing but minimum maintance. There's several next to 0 down payment options (we saved for a down payment but we are selling a second home right now and our buyer is using one) and even grants (I got 8k for free when I bought my home). Once you figure out where you want to be, explore banks and loan types and you might be surprised what you can achieve.
Ohh @alligreer88 wish I was so lucky to live in an area like that We'll need a minimum 30K for a downpayment and closing costs and annual taxes are 4-5K for our area and price range. It totally depends on your region.
Taxes are sucky everywhere, putting us over 6k for what we are looking at. We were able to get a three bedroom and have 20% down, for our first home which is building now that 20% for our next Move will be 50k. It's so sick to think about how much it costs. Things comes together faster than we think- it's overwhelming to think about! Can't get around the taxes.
So I have a question regarding my in-laws coming & staying at my house after LO comes. Here is some background info...
DH and I live 4.5 hours from his parents & all of 6 blocks from my parents. I am very close with my parents, my mom in particular & DH loves her. DH's family is great, we just don't get together but a handful of times a year. This is his parents first grand-baby & my parents 4th. His folks have visited us and stayed with us before with no issues. FIL actually spent about a week with us cleaning up our yard simply because he loves gardening & being retired had the time to do so.
I absolutely want DH's folks to come over and meet LO and by all means stay with us. However, I am not sure how I feel about them being here the first few days of us being home; as a FTM, I am not sure how easily we'll transition from a family of 2 to 3. DH obviously wants them here & I am not objecting to them coming and staying. I guess I am thinking that if they give us a few days to adjust before coming over and staying with us, I may be a little more at ease. Another concern with them being here right away is that with my mom living so close to us, I feel like I'm not going to be able to have her come help when I am going to want her. I feel like this could come across as slightly rude to my MIL by wanting my mom to help instead of her & be putting my mom in an awkward position by having her being with us and interrupting the in-laws time with LO when she will be spending a lot more time with LO then they will. So ladies, am I overreacting to a situation that has yet to happen? Any advice would be much appreciated!
So I have a question regarding my in-laws coming & staying at my house after LO comes. Here is some background info...
DH and I live 4.5 hours from his parents & all of 6 blocks from my parents. I am very close with my parents, my mom in particular & DH loves her. DH's family is great, we just don't get together but a handful of times a year. This is his parents first grand-baby & my parents 4th. His folks have visited us and stayed with us before with no issues. FIL actually spent about a week with us cleaning up our yard simply because he loves gardening & being retired had the time to do so.
I absolutely want DH's folks to come over and meet LO and by all means stay with us. However, I am not sure how I feel about them being here the first few days of us being home; as a FTM, I am not sure how easily we'll transition from a family of 2 to 3. DH obviously wants them here & I am not objecting to them coming and staying. I guess I am thinking that if they give us a few days to adjust before coming over and staying with us, I may be a little more at ease. Another concern with them being here right away is that with my mom living so close to us, I feel like I'm not going to be able to have her come help when I am going to want her. I feel like this could come across as slightly rude to my MIL by wanting my mom to help instead of her & be putting my mom in an awkward position by having her being with us and interrupting the in-laws time with LO when she will be spending a lot more time with LO then they will. So ladies, am I overreacting to a situation that has yet to happen? Any advice would be much appreciated!
Aren't you having a c-section? I thought it was you who was? If you are having a c-section then I would use that as reason #1 to have them come a few days later. If you have a c-section (from what I have heard) you are going to need more down time, I would say that since you both don't see your in-laws as much as you'd like that you would rather spend more quality time with them once you are feeling better. Your parents live close so they can pop in and out whenever they want so the quality time with them isn't as "important". But since your in-laws live a good drive away you want to make the most of that time together. Even if you aren't having a c-section some women are not up for company within the first week. So either way that would be what I would say, plus it'll likely be the truth. I would use that excuse myself with my mil but she knows I am ready to rock after the delivery. Edit: I realized it wasn't you that has a c-section scheduled, oops. But I would still tell them you want quality time with them since you won't be as mobile the first few days.
So my brother and his wife have been married 4 years now, they have 1 boy and a girl on the way. Apparently, they have been fighting for quite some time and she went off birth control pills and didn't say anything to brother with the hope that a baby would help, but they are still fighting. Now brother is looking into a divorce and she is pregnant. stupid people, never get pregnant hoping that it will make it better. Adding stress never helps Ps: not sure it really belongs here? Kinda dies at least
I'm not sure what part of the country you live in, but buying isn't always as scary as it seems-and it can be much more cost effective than renting, even month to month with equity not considered. If you are considering moving outside of a city, it's going to be even cheaper but obviously you need time to figure that out. What we pay in mortgage, insurance, upkeep, bills,etc is a lot less than we would pay in rent in our area. We live in a rural area and nice rentals (not appartments, but single family homes) are high in rent because people with either No Means to get a loan, or who will be here temp for work, or had to get here in a hurry for work and are finding a home to buy, so rent is high because the know people will pay it). It really depends on so so so many factors. I bought my house at 23, 3 years ago and it's already raised in value 11% and we have done nothing but minimum maintance. There's several next to 0 down payment options (we saved for a down payment but we are selling a second home right now and our buyer is using one) and even grants (I got 8k for free when I bought my home). Once you figure out where you want to be, explore banks and loan types and you might be surprised what you can achieve.
We live in a college town so rent is pretty cheap depending on where you look. There are definitely over priced options out there, but we both have lived/rented here before so we know what to look for when looking into renting. I so would much rather own, but we need to get our ducks in a row and get some debt reduced before doing so. We're just trying to take the smart approach and not dig ourselves into a big giant debt hole.
Thank you for posting this because I definitely need an IL vent. In the big picture mine are actually really nice people. But sometimes they can be difficult to be around and say stupid things.
Earlier in the month I got all sorts of judgement and shade thrown my way because our 18 month old DD apparently doesn't watch enough tv (?!?!) because she doesn't know the characters on Mickey Mouse Club House. Now I have no problem with tv, we just don't watch much of it because we got rid of cable to cut our budget down and at this juncture it just doesn't hold DD's attention. I'm sure she'll love it when she's older.
A few weeks ago she was horrified to find out that we put up our pre-lit tree but never decorated it (I'm exhausted and have had a really uncomfortable pregnancy and DH has been super stressed with his new position at work).
So once again on xmas day we were skyping with with MIL and SIL and MIL once again inquired about the tree. I told her in a nice way that I've been spending the time gestating her granddaughter.at that point SIL interjected and said that I'd probably be even more tired next year with 2 kids and I said "yeah, but I won't be as uncomfortable and in pain" (I've been extremely sore and have a hard time getting around like many of the other gals here).
At that point SIL said "define pain" as if I need to justify how I'm feeling. This from a woman who's second pregnancy was also more difficult and who suffered long after with vertigo as a result.
But come on. It's not a competition. And who really cares if we don't decorate the tree one year (or the house). DD didn't even notice- she's 18 mos ffs and is more focused on discovering everything else that's around her. I'm so over the judgement.
There's so much more that's driving me nuts but I should probably stop here since I've already written a novel. Sorry to hear about others bummer inlaw situations.
Oh that define pain part got under my skin. Where is the sympathy?!
Don't get me wrong I love my ILs, but my MIL called me yesterday to ask me if we were having a good new year, and I told her I couldn't complain, and then she was like well I didn't know because no one called and wished me a happy new year. I'm thinking who does that? It's not your birthday, or a Christmas, am I supposed to call everyone in my phone book and wish them a happy new year?
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
Don't get me wrong I love my ILs, but my MIL called me yesterday to ask me if we were having a good new year, and I told her I couldn't complain, and then she was like well I didn't know because no one called and wished me a happy new year. I'm thinking who does that? It's not your birthday, or a Christmas, am I supposed to call everyone in my phone book and wish them a happy new year?
ASDLJLAKFDGJ!! Like she doesn't have a phone and can't call people herself??? My MIL does this if you don't immediately walk up to her and say hello at some sort of a gathering (seriously - we can't say hi to anyone else first without hearing about it) OR if DH doesn't call her at least once a week (he is not a phone person). She will be all like 'HELLLLOOOOO I thought you forgot about me or maybe there was something wrong?" Um lady, if you thought your son was laying dead in a ditch somewhere you didn't seem the least bit worried enough to try and reach out yourself....
My SIL and her husband live out of state from either of their families, so every year for Christmas and New Years, they go to one family for one holiday then fly to the other family's state for their holiday. Fortunately, they both have very well paying jobs and can afford to do this. She mentioned that she would like to have us up at their place for the holidays one year in order to not have to travel one year. I can understand that. It's perfectly reasonable.
What annoyed me is my BIL (DH's brother not SIL's husband) tried insisting that we go next year. I'm really close to my family, and I refuse to not let them see their first grandchild for her first Christmas or her first Christmas where she can actually participate in opening presents (so the second one). I said no to the first and we'll think about it to the second. He's still trying to insist that we have to do it. However, I'd like to know how he expects this to happen considering I'm laid off and once I do find another job, we'll be playing a fun game of catch up which I know from personal experience takes a very long time. And I'm sure it'll take even longer with a child. Also, it's not as though BIL can afford it. He's unemployed, with two kids, living at his mother's, about to file bankruptcy, and deciding to go to college.
He has no right to tell me what I should and should not do, yet he still tries. For everything. This is the same man that has told me that I need to raise my kid his way because it's his "first niece" even though he has two kids of his own. One of which (the 16 yr old son) pretty much disowned him because he's not that great of a human being much less a father.
MIL strikes again!! I just have to laugh at some of the stupid things that come out of her mouth sometimes. NYE we had a dr. appointment. Well, MIL called during appt. and dh didn't answer. This of course resulted in multiple calls. Finally, dh calmed down and answered and asked that she stop calling non-stop. MIL went on to make our appt all about her. Are we still sure we don't know the sex of the baby? Is it possible that we're lying to her about not knowing because my registry has a lot of "boys" things. Dh said nope, we don't know and we picked those things because despite the boy label because we don't think they're only for boys (onesies with NASA logo, future scientist, batman logo - my choice,superman logo-dh choice, black colored white sox logos, dinosaurs, puppies, baseball). She insisted that we were at the appt finding out the sex because it took us too long to call her back. When dh explained why that was absurd, she responded by saying she thinks we're trying to surprise her. Yeah, because our main concern isn't enjoying the experience of having our first child, it's how to make it a special moment for MIL... Ugh...
My in laws try to act cool and they are ok for the most part. But man... they want to come and spend one month with us after the baby is born to "help me recover" because it's a chinese thing to not do anything for a month to recover. With DD, my mom was around but she made me do stuff anyway, which I didn't mind. My mom can't come this time so my mother in law insists to be here. Oh boy... I could barely stand my mom but at least I could talk back and yell at her when I wanted to. With my MIL... I am worried... And of course they spoil DD like all grannies do. I'm usually ok if it's just for a few days, but a month? Oh and did I say postpartum hormone?
My in laws try to act cool and they are ok for the most part. But man... they want to come and spend one month with us after the baby is born to "help me recover" because it's a chinese thing to not do anything for a month to recover. With DD, my mom was around but she made me do stuff anyway, which I didn't mind. My mom can't come this time so my mother in law insists to be here. Oh boy... I could barely stand my mom but at least I could talk back and yell at her when I wanted to. With my MIL... I am worried... And of course they spoil DD like all grannies do. I'm usually ok if it's just for a few days, but a month? Oh and did I say postpartum hormone?
By the end of week 2 with DS2 I was itching to get out - definitely was back on my feet a lot quicker with that one. I appreciated the help from MIL but no way was a month needed.
DS1 - 9/21/11
DS2 - 7/4/14
DS3 - 2/21/16 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
Don't get me wrong I love my ILs, but my MIL called me yesterday to ask me if we were having a good new year, and I told her I couldn't complain, and then she was like well I didn't know because no one called and wished me a happy new year. I'm thinking who does that? It's not your birthday, or a Christmas, am I supposed to call everyone in my phone book and wish them a happy new year?
Wow people do that? Maybe new year is a very big deal for your MIL? Like some people are big on anniversary and some are with Christmas? I never thought of calling people to say happy new year. I would probably complain to DH if my MIL does that to me and tell him that it's his fault for not calling his mom, especially if it is a big deal to her. That is passive aggressive to a different level...
Yes! I love my ILs, but a few days after DS was born, they came over for supper. We were all sitting around the table with DS in his swing, and MIL starts telling this story about (*TW* ) a grieving friend who lost her college-age son and helped a grieving mom in Africa (*end TW*).
Man, I lost it. DH had to walk me to our room to calm down. I felt bad for bawling, but that's not a good story for a new mom to hear days after giving birth. So, yeah, postpartum hormones can rage, sad ones mostly in my experience.
SO's stepdad struck again today. We were out driving around on my one of two days off looking at rentals and SO's phone rings. It's his stepdad and he proceeds to mention AGAIN that we owe him money and he doesn't know how much money I've been saving back and that he was just talking to SO's mom and he was just wondering when we were going to bring him some cash. I thought SO was going to explode. Kept saying he can't wait til stepdad dies and so on (stepdad mentions his own mortality on a daily freakin basis so this is not as terrible as it sounds I promise). I'm just done. I told SO today that we will no longer be borrowing any sort of money from them or going to them for any sort of help until after stepdad is gone(again I realize how terrible this sounds but really it's not). I'm so frustrated with the whole situation I'm not the type of person to explode but he picks really bad days and it may happen.
On top of all this I puked on the way to the doc this AM and the bags I puked in both had a hole in them it was just water puke so it's okay but still not a lovely thought that there is puke all over my car floor mat. Then as we were taking the damn cash to step dad, someone had dropped 3 car batteries in the middle of an intersection and SO hit one of them (no damage thank goodness). He was very angry. See what I mean by picking bad days? Ugh. Okay rant over.
On the subject of stepdad's mortality, he's over 60 and used to smoke 5 packs a day. He now has major COPD and is dependent on oxygen and sits around all day doing nothing. He gets winded walking from his chair to the kitchen table which is maybe 50-75ft. I am not the type of person to talk about someone dying at all. But he brings it up so much even SO's mom is tired of hearing about it. I promise we are not terrible people.
Thank you for posting this because I definitely need an IL vent. In the big picture mine are actually really nice people. But sometimes they can be difficult to be around and say stupid things.
Earlier in the month I got all sorts of judgement and shade thrown my way because our 18 month old DD apparently doesn't watch enough tv (?!?!) because she doesn't know the characters on Mickey Mouse Club House. Now I have no problem with tv, we just don't watch much of it because we got rid of cable to cut our budget down and at this juncture it just doesn't hold DD's attention. I'm sure she'll love it when she's older.
A few weeks ago she was horrified to find out that we put up our pre-lit tree but never decorated it (I'm exhausted and have had a really uncomfortable pregnancy and DH has been super stressed with his new position at work).
So once again on xmas day we were skyping with with MIL and SIL and MIL once again inquired about the tree. I told her in a nice way that I've been spending the time gestating her granddaughter.at that point SIL interjected and said that I'd probably be even more tired next year with 2 kids and I said "yeah, but I won't be as uncomfortable and in pain" (I've been extremely sore and have a hard time getting around like many of the other gals here).
At that point SIL said "define pain" as if I need to justify how I'm feeling. This from a woman who's second pregnancy was also more difficult and who suffered long after with vertigo as a result.
But come on. It's not a competition. And who really cares if we don't decorate the tree one year (or the house). DD didn't even notice- she's 18 mos ffs and is more focused on discovering everything else that's around her. I'm so over the judgement.
There's so much more that's driving me nuts but I should probably stop here since I've already written a novel. Sorry to hear about others bummer inlaw situations.
Oh that define pain part got under my skin. Where is the sympathy?!
Thank you for posting this because I definitely need an IL vent. In the big picture mine are actually really nice people. But sometimes they can be difficult to be around and say stupid things.
Earlier in the month I got all sorts of judgement and shade thrown my way because our 18 month old DD apparently doesn't watch enough tv (?!?!) because she doesn't know the characters on Mickey Mouse Club House. Now I have no problem with tv, we just don't watch much of it because we got rid of cable to cut our budget down and at this juncture it just doesn't hold DD's attention. I'm sure she'll love it when she's older.
A few weeks ago she was horrified to find out that we put up our pre-lit tree but never decorated it (I'm exhausted and have had a really uncomfortable pregnancy and DH has been super stressed with his new position at work).
So once again on xmas day we were skyping with with MIL and SIL and MIL once again inquired about the tree. I told her in a nice way that I've been spending the time gestating her granddaughter.at that point SIL interjected and said that I'd probably be even more tired next year with 2 kids and I said "yeah, but I won't be as uncomfortable and in pain" (I've been extremely sore and have a hard time getting around like many of the other gals here).
At that point SIL said "define pain" as if I need to justify how I'm feeling. This from a woman who's second pregnancy was also more difficult and who suffered long after with vertigo as a result.
But come on. It's not a competition. And who really cares if we don't decorate the tree one year (or the house). DD didn't even notice- she's 18 mos ffs and is more focused on discovering everything else that's around her. I'm so over the judgement.
There's so much more that's driving me nuts but I should probably stop here since I've already written a novel. Sorry to hear about others bummer inlaw situations.
Oh that define pain part got under my skin. Where is the sympathy?!
Thank you for posting this because I definitely need an IL vent. In the big picture mine are actually really nice people. But sometimes they can be difficult to be around and say stupid things.
Earlier in the month I got all sorts of judgement and shade thrown my way because our 18 month old DD apparently doesn't watch enough tv (?!?!) because she doesn't know the characters on Mickey Mouse Club House. Now I have no problem with tv, we just don't watch much of it because we got rid of cable to cut our budget down and at this juncture it just doesn't hold DD's attention. I'm sure she'll love it when she's older.
A few weeks ago she was horrified to find out that we put up our pre-lit tree but never decorated it (I'm exhausted and have had a really uncomfortable pregnancy and DH has been super stressed with his new position at work).
So once again on xmas day we were skyping with with MIL and SIL and MIL once again inquired about the tree. I told her in a nice way that I've been spending the time gestating her granddaughter.at that point SIL interjected and said that I'd probably be even more tired next year with 2 kids and I said "yeah, but I won't be as uncomfortable and in pain" (I've been extremely sore and have a hard time getting around like many of the other gals here).
At that point SIL said "define pain" as if I need to justify how I'm feeling. This from a woman who's second pregnancy was also more difficult and who suffered long after with vertigo as a result.
But come on. It's not a competition. And who really cares if we don't decorate the tree one year (or the house). DD didn't even notice- she's 18 mos ffs and is more focused on discovering everything else that's around her. I'm so over the judgement.
There's so much more that's driving me nuts but I should probably stop here since I've already written a novel. Sorry to hear about others bummer inlaw situations.
Oh that define pain part got under my skin. Where is the sympathy?!
Mine too! I don't know what her deal is lately. We usually get along pretty well, in fact she's usually the once complaining to me about her mom.
And then tonight I posted on Fb asking if anyone knew of a site that tracks individual items and alerts you when they go on sale. And she responds by saying "Google probably knows."
Gee. Thanks. If I wanted search it out I wouldn't have asked. I was looking to see if anyone I know had experience. Maybe I'm just being to hormonal and insensitive.
DH's family goes out to eat for birthdays. So we go out to eat with them at least 7 times a year, 8 if BIL has a girlfriend at the time, it's do able but it can be hard to find a day that works for everyone (mainly me because I'm the only person who has to work nights/weekends). My MIL demands everyone be there, if it doesn't work for one person then it doesn't work for anybody. So now it's time to go out for SIL's bday... my MIL threw a complete pout-y fit because DH and I refused to go this Sunday. Not because we had plans but because I had just recovered from a stomach bug and DH was still getting over his that I generously shared with him, fever and all. GI stuff is so contagious and miserable; I'm sure my SIL and BIL would love if we gave our plague to them or their 5 week old newborn baby. MIL just couldn't understand why Sunday wouldn't work because we're adults and getting over our illness, well MIL, you shed the norovirus and are contagious for at least a week after recovering. Last I checked, fever of the newborn (<90 days old) is a pretty emergent situation in the ER I work in, but hey we're just being difficult.
March 2016 Moms: January Siggy Challenge "Pregnancy Problems"
DH's family goes out to eat for birthdays. So we go out to eat with them at least 7 times a year, 8 if BIL has a girlfriend at the time, it's do able but it can be hard to find a day that works for everyone (mainly me because I'm the only person who has to work nights/weekends). My MIL demands everyone be there, if it doesn't work for one person then it doesn't work for anybody. So now it's time to go out for SIL's bday... my MIL threw a complete pout-y fit because DH and I refused to go this Sunday. Not because we had plans but because I had just recovered from a stomach bug and DH was still getting over his that I generously shared with him, fever and all. GI stuff is so contagious and miserable; I'm sure my SIL and BIL would love if we gave our plague to them or their 5 week old newborn baby. MIL just couldn't understand why Sunday wouldn't work because we're adults and getting over our illness, well MIL, you shed the norovirus and are contagious for at least a week after recovering. Last I checked, fever of the newborn (<90 days old) is a pretty emergent situation in the ER I work in, but hey we're just being difficult.
I would totally be pissed if I was your SIL and found out you risked getting my baby sick, so good for you.
DH's family goes out to eat for birthdays. So we go out to eat with them at least 7 times a year, 8 if BIL has a girlfriend at the time, it's do able but it can be hard to find a day that works for everyone (mainly me because I'm the only person who has to work nights/weekends). My MIL demands everyone be there, if it doesn't work for one person then it doesn't work for anybody. So now it's time to go out for SIL's bday... my MIL threw a complete pout-y fit because DH and I refused to go this Sunday. Not because we had plans but because I had just recovered from a stomach bug and DH was still getting over his that I generously shared with him, fever and all. GI stuff is so contagious and miserable; I'm sure my SIL and BIL would love if we gave our plague to them or their 5 week old newborn baby. MIL just couldn't understand why Sunday wouldn't work because we're adults and getting over our illness, well MIL, you shed the norovirus and are contagious for at least a week after recovering. Last I checked, fever of the newborn (<90 days old) is a pretty emergent situation in the ER I work in, but hey we're just being difficult.
I am so paranoid about stomach bugs even when I'm not pregnant (and before having kids). I would have been so appreciative of you having enough consideration for everyone's health to not attend.
My MIL is driving me up the wall. She made a big deal about wanting to really help with our daughter (9.5 months now) and how easy it would be since she works from home, etc... so I kept adding more work to my day (I work from home too) - however now every day she picked to come and help (from 10-1) she cancels. She watched my daughter 3 times in November and 3 times in December (when she had told us she could do 3 days a week)...so today she told DH "well does she really need me or can I stay home and make money" - I give up. Personally at this point I would rather she stay home and keep her mouth shut. Lesson learned - there is no such thing as free help from family. Now with #2 on the way I am freaking out. Thanks for letting me rant!
We have sister in-law help with DD twice a week. I pay her, but not a lot. It usually comes to around $150 a month. The way she raises her child drives me nuts, and she lets him (4 years old) push around DD (20 months) all the time. On one hand it is fine- I think it is good for DD to have to figure out social interactions and that can't start too early. On the other hand, she lets my nephew completely run the roost- he screams constantly, grabs toys, pushes DD over... He has Down syndrome and is a sweet little boy, but I see behavioral issues building up and she refuses to set any limits or anything because he is special. I bite my tongue constantly because I do not want to tell her how to parent her child, and because I don't want to piss her off because she is watching my kid. I am a pediatric therapist and spend much of my time at work helping with developmental and behavioral problems, so I am not completely clueless. Gah!
I have no real purpose to posting this, but she ticked me off when I was at her house today and this is the only place I have to rant. Thanks
I get along better in general with my MIL than my mom. Long story short a few years ago my cats got really sick and we couldn't figure out what was wrong. I spent way too much money on diagnostics but to be loosing both at once was hard for me. It was all on brand new interest free credit cards. I had already put one to sleep and was literally on my way to put the second one to sleep and my mom is on the phone whining at me as if I'm just being overdramatic about how upset I am and I really should just let him ( my cat) go. I was driving so I just hung up on her and she was so pissed and was texting me back and forth which ended in a her saying I never spent 3,000$ on her, but I thought it was ok to spend on two cats. I was just dumbfounded and thinking " you weren't dying!" If she needed help I would have spent every last penny on her. We have a much better relationship, believe it or not, now that she is on Facebook. She can see what I'm doing and keep in touch without having to talk on the phone where we can get into an argument about how she thinks I should/shouldn't be doing this or that. I do love her and admire her very much and am thankful she is not so extreme as some of the other stories I've read in here but now after venting to my MIL I think my MIL has gotten hesitant to say things to me. And tip toes around me/ my mother. She was hesitant to have a seperate baby shower for me (so DH's side of the family could come since they don't like to travel far,) because my Mom flipped out when she offered to throw a bridal shower for me because my mom is a procrastinator and my MIL thought my mom wasn't having one for me at all. My mom was so offended and it just made it worse trying to defend MIL , saying she was just trying to be nice, because my mom saw it as I wasn't on her side. Ugh I hate drama. DH is more of a drama queen than I am. Love this thread btw I haven't been on TB since the holidays! Nice to come back to some good venting.
@kitkatbird. I totally understand spending tons of money trying to save a pet. About 17 years ago we adopted a basset hound who was old and obese. We only had him about 6 months but fell in love with him(we still talk about him). Anyways we lived in the country and I let him out to go potty and I watched him take 3 steps then his hind legs kicked out behind him. It was a Friday and I rushed him to the vet, spending DH'S entire pay check to try to help him. Long story short, he was paralyzed from his weight and was suffering. A few months after he passed we adopted a boxer. We had 6 acres of land and a neighbors puppy came up to play with our dog. When the puppy ran home our dog followed and was hit by a car. Since we had just lost our basset we weren't about to lose our boxer too. It was over $6K in surgeries and rods to hold his leg together. Thankfully my in-laws pulled together to help with cost. He was the best dog we ever had, we got to spend 7 more years with him until he died from cancer. He was worth every penny!
Background: DH and I decided not to announce our pregnancy on Facebook for various reasons. We've told family, close friends, and other need-to-know folks, but that's it.
Vent: SIL and her family came earlier, and she mentioned something to MIL about a post she tagged MIL in involving frilly bows and other baby-girly attire. I didn't see the post, so I just looked up MIL's page. It would have been okay if SIL hadn't commented underneath about how she's ready for a baby girl in the family finally. Which lead her cousin/distant relative to ask, "Oh you're having a girl?" SIL told her no but said DH and I are having a girl in March. Gee, thanks. I just learned about this annoyance, so I'll tell DH when he gets home. I hope he isn't cool with it either and says something to his sister, but really, it's out there. I can't really expect to do anything now. People should learn to use good judgement.
Ergh. My SIL that watches DD complained to DH about what I paid her for December. In November she drove to my house a lot more than usual, so I put some extra money on her check (I pay her monthly). As soon as DH gave her the check for December, she whipped out her phone to calculate the amount per hour I paid her, and said "last month you paid me 50 cents more an hour. What gives?" She doesn't charge us a lot per hour- but it is an already agreed-upon amount. So now she's all pissed because sometimes I pay her extra?
I feel pretty lucky, all of my ILs live at least two states away (we are in KS and MIL and FIL are in CA). So they don't intervene very much. They are very laid back, low-key people which is really nice as well and have already said they'd wait a few month before visiting to give us some time to settle in and get used to having a baby around. Very thankful for that.
My family on the otherhand, LOL. This is the first grandchild so my mom is definitely going crazy with buying stuff. I'm very grateful that she wants to help, but at the same time, she just goes and busy stuff without even asking what we think about it then gets upset if I don't like it. I know that we'll get things we don't like and will deal with it, but when we have the option of having some say in in it, I would like to be able to. Also, again, EXTREMELY grateful my mom has offered to watch him once I have to go back so we don't have to deal with daycare, but we have very different opinions and thoughts on raising kids so it'll definitely be interesting.
Good luck to everyone with ILs and families, it's always a sticky situation!
@bethanynaom bad FB ettiequte is a a big pet peeve of mine. My mom is the worst with it. I might have mentioned it before but my cousin and his wife had a baby and got engaged (right after baby was born) in early December and my Mom was the first to put it on FB. I got her to take it down within 10-15 minutes of posting but she didn't see what was wrong with doing that. My cousin and his wife posted the baby announcement and pictures a week after she was born and their engagement a month later. There is no need to post other people's information on Facebook it is selfish and rude especially if you and your partner are private people. I'd let your MIL know not to post anything on until you two do or anything cryptic like "it's almost time!". I told my Mom the rule should be if I have it up you can post it, otherwise it's off limits : )
My in laws booked a trip to Cuba in the 2 weeks before I am due. I am trying not to worry, but I can't help but feel upset! I am mostly worried that they will miss the birth of their first grand child and if they do my hubby won't have his parents around for support. I can't ask them to cancel their trip, but what the heck! I know the likelihood of me going early is low as I am a ftm, but my mom went 2 weeks early with her first, my big bro, so a bit worried.
@LynseyAW7 I'm sure it'll all work out but having them away isn't the worst thing in the world. As a STM I'm having as few visitors as possible is really great, it gives you and your husband time to bond as a family and get into your own routine.
@LynseyAW7 I'm sure it'll all work out but having them away isn't the worst thing in the world. As a STM I'm having as few visitors as possible is really great, it gives you and your husband time to bond as a family and get into your own routine.
Thanks! More news.... I got a call from my mom last night, now she and my dad would like to go away the 2nd week in March...2 weeks past my due date. I am feeling a ton of frustration... This is the first grand child for both sides and it really seems like the grandparents don't care much.... My husband thinks I should tell my parents how I feel and that I was hoping for some support in the first month or 2 of having a new baby, I just don't know where it will get me. Definitely feeling the 'not the favorite child' syndrome! I have 3 siblings and honestly feel that my mom would drop everything if it was my sister or one of my brothers having a baby... I might be crazy though!
I have no idea of your situation really, just trying to think about it from different views. Could your Mom be incorrectly assuming you or husband doesn't want her there? Maybe she's just confused what you want. Maybe a simple coversation like your husband suggested would help. Another thing to think about is, if she's not pressing to be there would she be much help if she were there? My sisters mil does the minimum on these sort of things, and my sister gets annoyed she does anything. If she's not thrilled to be there, she might not be the hands on type anyway. I'm not trying to put your mom down, or your request to have her- just saying maybe think from different angles.
@LynseyAW7 I completely understand because I am kind of in the same boat, except this is my second baby. When I told my mom I was pregnant and due in March, her first reaction was "Oh I'll be going to South America with some friends during that time and then your dad and I will be working on some remodeling for the new place that we are moving in around May." I was butt hurt and thinking that I am just not a priority. My parents live in Asia so I don't really get to see them or talk to them often. Our relationship is not exactly close and I am bitter about it. But then I talked to more people and you know what... not everyone is lovey dovey about having grandchildren and people just have different personalities. My parents are very adventurous and having them stay at our place for a couple of days with no activities planned will drive them absolutely crazy. (I think my mom did a little when she stayed with me for 3 weeks with DD.) If it really bothers you, definitely talk to your parents because you don't want to hold this against them for a long time. I honestly still have a hard time communicating this to my mom. Whenever she talks about my LO and plans around it, I usually don't show a lot of excitement. I know I should be talking to her but I am not quite ready yet.
My husband was adopted when he was little so he calls his adoptive mom "mom". When he met me he started to look for his real mom and he found her on facebook. She has been in our lives and our son lives since meeting. His adoptive mom seems not to care at all about our son. She might see him one or two times a year. We always have to drive to her house and she never comes and visits with us. She always makes excuses. Now that I am expecting our second when he told her about it she didn't seem very excited. She has two other grandkids that she took off to be there when they were both born. She didn't even make it to the hospital to see our son being born. It seems like his real mother cares about us and our son more than his adoptive mom. I have given up on her since she has been acting like this. I had a picture of her and asked my son who she was? and he couldn't tell me that it was his grandma. The only person on my husband's side of the family that cares about us and our son is his real mother. Even his step sister whom we made our son's godmother doesn't even see our son. And that just pisses me off. She cut him out of her life just like that. My son was baptize almost three years ago and that's the last time his godmother has seen him. I am just over his side of the family.
My SO's father and step mother are becoming a huge stress for me. They have always been pushy people and they don't stop until someone confronts them (and sometimes not even then) or they keep pushing until someone folds to their will.
I have expressed to everyone that I would only like only ONE baby shower. We have a tiny apartment and we honestly have a ton of stuff already so I really would like to prevent any waste or clutter. His step mom has been combative about this from the first day I told her of my wishes around month 5. Her biggest excuse is that "It's all free-you can store extra items at our house-his other side of the family will be able to come-I had 3 baby showers." I understand that its not uncommon for people to have more than one shower, but I feel pretty strongly about only having one shower for practical reasons and my biggest reason is that I feel like the step mother wants to have the shower for her own benefits rather than our own. She LOVES to host parties and would indeed invite the other side of SO's family that would most likely not attend the shower we are planning due to the further distance- which would be fine, but we never see his other side of the family and I've only met them a handful of times, so I feel as though it would be almost taking advantage of them for selfish reasons? She would also invite all of her neighborhood friends whom I've only met a handful of times as well. The whole fiasco would be me sitting in a chair while people touched my stomach, gave me gifts and drank.... I am not a fan of the spotlight.... And I have already told her at least 5 different times (and SO's mother called and spoke with her about it as well). I thought the situation was solved after SO's mother spoke to her, but last night I came home and my SO began talking to me about having a second baby shower because his father casually brought it up to him (using the same excuses as the step mother).
I feel blantantly disrespected and as though my opinion was pointedly ignored.
Am I being too rash? Too harsh? Should I just let them throw the stupid second baby shower all while nodding and smiling? Or should I put an end to this all together? It's a fine line between sounding ungrateful and (in my opinion) demanding respect. -Also SO is no help. He is completely non-confrontational. He would agree with the wall if he saw any potential in what it were saying- Also they still treat him like a child which doesn't help.
Sorry for the long post, but ANY advice at all would be appreciated.
Re: All things In-Laws
Lesson learned: Don't leave birth equipment or reading materials in the living room unattended.
We'll need a minimum 30K for a downpayment and closing costs and annual taxes are 4-5K for our area and price range.
It totally depends on your region.
Move will be 50k. It's so sick to think about how much it costs. Things comes together faster than we think- it's overwhelming to think about! Can't get around the taxes.
DH and I live 4.5 hours from his parents & all of 6 blocks from my parents. I am very close with my parents, my mom in particular & DH loves her. DH's family is great, we just don't get together but a handful of times a year. This is his parents first grand-baby & my parents 4th. His folks have visited us and stayed with us before with no issues. FIL actually spent about a week with us cleaning up our yard simply because he loves gardening & being retired had the time to do so.
I absolutely want DH's folks to come over and meet LO and by all means stay with us. However, I am not sure how I feel about them being here the first few days of us being home; as a FTM, I am not sure how easily we'll transition from a family of 2 to 3. DH obviously wants them here & I am not objecting to them coming and staying. I guess I am thinking that if they give us a few days to adjust before coming over and staying with us, I may be a little more at ease. Another concern with them being here right away is that with my mom living so close to us, I feel like I'm not going to be able to have her come help when I am going to want her. I feel like this could come across as slightly rude to my MIL by wanting my mom to help instead of her & be putting my mom in an awkward position by having her being with us and interrupting the in-laws time with LO when she will be spending a lot more time with LO then they will. So ladies, am I overreacting to a situation that has yet to happen? Any advice would be much appreciated!
Edit: I realized it wasn't you that has a c-section scheduled, oops. But I would still tell them you want quality time with them since you won't be as mobile the first few days.
Ps: not sure it really belongs here? Kinda dies at least
We live in a college town so rent is pretty cheap depending on where you look. There are definitely over priced options out there, but we both have lived/rented here before so we know what to look for when looking into renting. I so would much rather own, but we need to get our ducks in a row and get some debt reduced before doing so. We're just trying to take the smart approach and not dig ourselves into a big giant debt hole.
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
ASDLJLAKFDGJ!! Like she doesn't have a phone and can't call people herself??? My MIL does this if you don't immediately walk up to her and say hello at some sort of a gathering (seriously - we can't say hi to anyone else first without hearing about it) OR if DH doesn't call her at least once a week (he is not a phone person). She will be all like 'HELLLLOOOOO I thought you forgot about me or maybe there was something wrong?" Um lady, if you thought your son was laying dead in a ditch somewhere you didn't seem the least bit worried enough to try and reach out yourself....
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
What annoyed me is my BIL (DH's brother not SIL's husband) tried insisting that we go next year. I'm really close to my family, and I refuse to not let them see their first grandchild for her first Christmas or her first Christmas where she can actually participate in opening presents (so the second one). I said no to the first and we'll think about it to the second. He's still trying to insist that we have to do it. However, I'd like to know how he expects this to happen considering I'm laid off and once I do find another job, we'll be playing a fun game of catch up which I know from personal experience takes a very long time. And I'm sure it'll take even longer with a child. Also, it's not as though BIL can afford it. He's unemployed, with two kids, living at his mother's, about to file bankruptcy, and deciding to go to college.
He has no right to tell me what I should and should not do, yet he still tries. For everything. This is the same man that has told me that I need to raise my kid his way because it's his "first niece" even though he has two kids of his own. One of which (the 16 yr old son) pretty much disowned him because he's not that great of a human being much less a father.
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Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
Man, I lost it. DH had to walk me to our room to calm down. I felt bad for bawling, but that's not a good story for a new mom to hear days after giving birth. So, yeah, postpartum hormones can rage, sad ones mostly in my experience.
On top of all this I puked on the way to the doc this AM and the bags I puked in both had a hole in them it was just water puke so it's okay but still not a lovely thought that there is puke all over my car floor mat. Then as we were taking the damn cash to step dad, someone had dropped 3 car batteries in the middle of an intersection and SO hit one of them (no damage thank goodness). He was very angry. See what I mean by picking bad days? Ugh. Okay rant over.
On the subject of stepdad's mortality, he's over 60 and used to smoke 5 packs a day. He now has major COPD and is dependent on oxygen and sits around all day doing nothing. He gets winded walking from his chair to the kitchen table which is maybe 50-75ft. I am not the type of person to talk about someone dying at all. But he brings it up so much even SO's mom is tired of hearing about it. I promise we are not terrible people.
Mine too! I don't know what her deal is lately. We usually get along pretty well, in fact she's usually the once complaining to me about her mom.
And then tonight I posted on Fb asking if anyone knew of a site that tracks individual items and alerts you when they go on sale. And she responds by saying "Google probably knows."
Gee. Thanks. If I wanted search it out I wouldn't have asked. I was looking to see if anyone I know had experience. Maybe I'm just being to hormonal and insensitive.
March 2016 Moms: January Siggy Challenge "Pregnancy Problems"
*BFP #1- 11/12/12, m/c 11/16/12 @ 6 weeks
*BFP #2- 1/23/13 EDD 10/4/13
*Emma Rose: 10/8/13
*BFP #3- EDD 03/9/16
March '16 December Siggy Challenge- Favorite Christmas Movie/Quote
I have no real purpose to posting this, but she ticked me off when I was at her house today and this is the only place I have to rant. Thanks
Mom flipped out when she offered to throw a bridal shower for me because my mom is a procrastinator and my MIL thought my mom wasn't having one for me at all. My mom was so offended and it just made it worse trying to defend MIL , saying she was just trying to be nice, because my mom saw it as I wasn't on her side. Ugh I hate drama. DH is more of a drama queen than I am.
Love this thread btw I haven't been on TB since the holidays! Nice to come back to some good venting.
Vent: SIL and her family came earlier, and she mentioned something to MIL about a post she tagged MIL in involving frilly bows and other baby-girly attire. I didn't see the post, so I just looked up MIL's page. It would have been okay if SIL hadn't commented underneath about how she's ready for a baby girl in the family finally. Which lead her cousin/distant relative to ask, "Oh you're having a girl?" SIL told her no but said DH and I are having a girl in March. Gee, thanks. I just learned about this annoyance, so I'll tell DH when he gets home. I hope he isn't cool with it either and says something to his sister, but really, it's out there. I can't really expect to do anything now. People should learn to use good judgement.
My family on the otherhand, LOL. This is the first grandchild so my mom is definitely going crazy with buying stuff. I'm very grateful that she wants to help, but at the same time, she just goes and busy stuff without even asking what we think about it then gets upset if I don't like it. I know that we'll get things we don't like and will deal with it, but when we have the option of having some say in in it, I would like to be able to. Also, again, EXTREMELY grateful my mom has offered to watch him once I have to go back so we don't have to deal with daycare, but we have very different opinions and thoughts on raising kids so it'll definitely be interesting.
Good luck to everyone with ILs and families, it's always a sticky situation!
There is no need to post other people's information on Facebook it is selfish and rude especially if you and your partner are private people. I'd let your MIL know not to post anything on until you two do or anything cryptic like "it's almost time!". I told my Mom the rule should be if I have it up you can post it, otherwise it's off limits : )
I know the likelihood of me going early is low as I am a ftm, but my mom went 2 weeks early with her first, my big bro, so a bit worried.
Mom be incorrectly assuming you or husband doesn't want her there? Maybe she's just confused what you want. Maybe a simple coversation like your husband suggested would help. Another thing to think about is, if she's not pressing to be there would she be much help if she were there? My sisters mil does the minimum on these sort of things, and my sister gets annoyed she does anything. If she's not thrilled to be there, she might not be the hands on type anyway. I'm not trying to put your mom down, or your request to have her- just saying maybe think from different angles.
My husband was adopted when he was little so he calls his adoptive mom "mom". When he met me he started to look for his real mom and he found her on facebook. She has been in our lives and our son lives since meeting. His adoptive mom seems not to care at all about our son. She might see him one or two times a year. We always have to drive to her house and she never comes and visits with us. She always makes excuses. Now that I am expecting our second when he told her about it she didn't seem very excited. She has two other grandkids that she took off to be there when they were both born. She didn't even make it to the hospital to see our son being born. It seems like his real mother cares about us and our son more than his adoptive mom. I have given up on her since she has been acting like this. I had a picture of her and asked my son who she was? and he couldn't tell me that it was his grandma. The only person on my husband's side of the family that cares about us and our son is his real mother. Even his step sister whom we made our son's godmother doesn't even see our son. And that just pisses me off. She cut him out of her life just like that. My son was baptize almost three years ago and that's the last time his godmother has seen him. I am just over his side of the family.
I have expressed to everyone that I would only like only ONE baby shower. We have a tiny apartment and we honestly have a ton of stuff already so I really would like to prevent any waste or clutter. His step mom has been combative about this from the first day I told her of my wishes around month 5. Her biggest excuse is that "It's all free-you can store extra items at our house-his other side of the family will be able to come-I had 3 baby showers." I understand that its not uncommon for people to have more than one shower, but I feel pretty strongly about only having one shower for practical reasons and my biggest reason is that I feel like the step mother wants to have the shower for her own benefits rather than our own. She LOVES to host parties and would indeed invite the other side of SO's family that would most likely not attend the shower we are planning due to the further distance- which would be fine, but we never see his other side of the family and I've only met them a handful of times, so I feel as though it would be almost taking advantage of them for selfish reasons? She would also invite all of her neighborhood friends whom I've only met a handful of times as well. The whole fiasco would be me sitting in a chair while people touched my stomach, gave me gifts and drank....
I am not a fan of the spotlight.... And I have already told her at least 5 different times (and SO's mother called and spoke with her about it as well). I thought the situation was solved after SO's mother spoke to her, but last night I came home and my SO began talking to me about having a second baby shower because his father casually brought it up to him (using the same excuses as the step mother).
I feel blantantly disrespected and as though my opinion was pointedly ignored.
Am I being too rash? Too harsh? Should I just let them throw the stupid second baby shower all while nodding and smiling? Or should I put an end to this all together? It's a fine line between sounding ungrateful and (in my opinion) demanding respect.
-Also SO is no help. He is completely non-confrontational. He would agree with the wall if he saw any potential in what it were saying- Also they still treat him like a child which doesn't help.
Sorry for the long post, but ANY advice at all would be appreciated.