gender disappointment

rsp21 · December 2015

Hi guys,

Please dont judge me . I just found out at 11 weeks 4 days,i m having a girl and little disappointed. I was hoping for a boy. I just feel its wrong on my part to feel sad.

jolydan · December 2015

We can't tell you how to feel but I think this post won't really go well considering there's a lot of women on this forum who are just hoping for a healthy take home baby.
I'm sure it won't matter in 29 weeks

stillcozy · December 2015

I guess I'm not sure what it is you are looking for. You have a healthy baby girl and many moms on here lost the ones they were carrying. Try to be grateful for that getting pregnant is a really hard way of getting the gender you want as it is a 50/50 shot. I would suggest that maybe in the future if you are truly wanting a certain gender perhaps consider adoption

there are many children seeking homes and it might be easier to get a gender preference that.

Im not trying to be rude but i think you need to try to grateful and content with this lovely little girl you are having.

born2run911 · December 2015

Not sure if you're a first time mom or not, but I'm positive once it's here you will love it to death either way (I hope).

simplymizzj · December 2015

Yes, I agree with what the others have said. Once she is here, you will love her to pieces, I promise! I was once in the same boat as you, in that I was really hoping for a boy for my first and when I found out DD was a girl, I'm not gonna lie - I was a tad disappointed that it was not a boy, but I got over it quick. Once she arrived and I held her in my arms for the first time, I was in total love with this new baby and even til this day, I wouldn't have it any other way because she is my world!

blissylissy86 · December 2015

I have known several people who were disappointed upon finding out the sex of their child. My best friend's husband was actually pissed that they were having a girl. She ended up crying in ToysRUs because he was being such a dick about it (even though it was his sperm which made the decision). It took him a few days and then he was really excited for a daughter. The baby is now 3 weeks old, and I know he does not wish for any other baby than her. I think once you have time to adjust to a girl, you will love the idea. Once she is here, you will not want it any other way.

jlgriff11 · December 2015

The only way I'll be disappointed is if I end up with a t-rex, but even then, I can learn to love.

ninji15 · December 2015

This may be a stupid question to some, but WHY do you want a boy verses a girl? Babies are babies, gender roles aside. If you hate frilly clothes avoid buying them. Girls can play sports and many other things boys can do now. And visa versa. You could have ended up with a very feminine boy too. I get the disappointment to an extent (I have a preferred gender deep down too), but don't limit your kid based on things like their sex.

You will love her regardless. The most important thing is that they are healthy after all.

rsp21 · December 2015

Thanks everyone. I am a FTM . Yes i do understand many people struggle with getting pregnant/miscarriages etc. I am very thankful to god. Just had a preference and was lil disappointed. I hope i get excited soon.

megstervt · December 2015

jlgriff11 said:
The only way I'll be disappointed is if I end up with a t-rex, but even then, I can learn to love.

My ultrasound showed a t-Rex this week. I'm glad because I really preferred that over a gummy bear.

(Please read tongue in cheek)

joleri23 · December 2015

megstervt said:

The only way I'll be disappointed is if I end up with a t-rex, but even then, I can learn to love.
My ultrasound showed a t-Rex this week. I'm glad because I really preferred that over a gummy bear. (Please read tongue in cheek)

I dunno... a gummy bear could be pretty lovable!

mrsmommya · December 2015

Jealous....I still have a cashew...bringing up the rear!

dolewhipper · December 2015

Don't worry, she can change her gender if she so chooses and then you can have the son you've always wanted.

ButterMyBiscuit · December 2015

And who are you? Not cool, bro.

BostonBaby1 · December 2015

spatr said:
Hi guys,

Please dont judge me . I just found out at 11 weeks 4 days,i m having a girl and little disappointed. I was hoping for a boy. I just feel its wrong on my part to feel sad.

spatr said:
Thanks everyone. I am a FTM . Yes i do understand many people struggle with getting pregnant/miscarriages etc. I am very thankful to god. Just had a preference and was lil disappointed. I hope i get excited soon.

Sex disappointed makes me stabby.

So you understand that there are women here, myself included, who have had issues with getting and/or staying pregnant. Yet you create a sex disappointment thread without the word "disappointment" in the title? How inconsiderate!

SparkySunshine · December 2015

A gummy bear sounds easier to give birth to than a T-rex IMHO

rsp21 · December 2015

I m sorry if people are offended bu this post. Just wanted to share my feelings.

Nerdchild · December 2015

Having a preferred sex is to be expected, I think, but I agree with previous posters, try not to be disappointed as you are having a healthy, wonderful girl. Give yourself a few days to let reality mesh with your expectations, I think you will feel better.

I will say, @spatr, your apology for offending is appreciated. It sounds sincere and is a breath of fresh air from some people who argue and try to defend their point to the teeth (disregarding the feelings of others). Thank you, truly, for your apology.

rsp21 · December 2015

Thanks Nerdchild for understanding. My intention wasnt to hurt anyone. These things you cannot share with ur family so shared it here. But its definetly a blessing

.

BostonBaby1 · December 2015

spatr said:
I m sorry if people are offended bu this post. Just wanted to share my feelings.

Perhaps change the title to include a trigger warning? That way the people that don't want to see/get offended or hurt by it have the option not to click?

Nerdchild · December 2015

@BostonBaby1, great suggestion.

@spatr This is a truly wonderful group of women, and this is a great place to vent frustrations and fears. It takes a while to figure out the climate of the board, so lurk around and read some posts, you'll get the hang of it.

rsp21 · December 2015

Yes. Thnk u nerdchild and bostonbaby1.

Croscrew · December 2015

@spatr totally understandable. I think I would have felt some disappointment if our first was a boy after we found out, but it will take a bit and then you'll be excited. I am sure my DH felt some because he really wanted a boy the first time around, but he's in love with her.

matryoshkadoll · December 2015

So many feels here.

I can say I will be disappointed if it is a dinosaur.

cpocks · December 2015

I also have a hope for a specific gender... I am hoping for a girl but for completely selfish reasons and that's that I just love girl clothes etc. if I have a boy will I be disappointed... No way! Let's just all be happy for healthy babies!

I have to be honest though a boy isn't my first pick haha.

Y0urm0m · December 2015

Wait did OP say how they found out the sex of the baby yet? I'm just going to say that if it was an ultrasound there is a 50/50 chance of it being correct

stillcozy · December 2015

Y0urm0m said:
Wait did OP say how they found out the sex of the baby yet? I'm just going to say that if it was an ultrasound there is a 50/50 chance of it being correct

She changed the title per others suggestion but it was through the harmony test

Y0urm0m · December 2015

Lindsayleigh1989 said:

Y0urm0m said:
Wait did OP say how they found out the sex of the baby yet? I'm just going to say that if it was an ultrasound there is a 50/50 chance of it being correct
She changed the title per others suggestion but it was through the harmony test

Ahhhh I see

tgflorez · December 2015

I want a boy, but only because I had a dear uncle pass away a couple years ago that I would name my son after.

When it really comes down to it, I just want a healthy baby - boy or girl.

ach298 · December 2015

Okay so here's the deal. I get it. 100% I get it. I had a ton of emotions when I found out that DS2 was a boy. And then I had guilt on top of that, because I knew that I should be so incredibly grateful that he was healthy and growing well. But yeah, I was disappointed he wasn't going to be born a girl. We are now pregnant with number 3 and I would be lying if I didn't say that I pray every day that this little one is a girl. Simply because I want to experience having a girl. Your feelings are your own and all you can try to do is work through them. I was super ashamed to admit how I felt, even to my DH.

I will also say that I had a lot of trouble bonding and feeling connected during my pregnancy with number 2. I threw myself into designing the nursery I wanted for him so that I could feel more connected and that helped to work through a lot of my sex disappointment. However, once he was here, there is no disappointment at all. He is absolutely wonderful and having two boys has been terrific.

It can kind of bother me to hear so many people say basically "just be grateful, dammit". I think it is better to acknowledge your emotions, including the illogicality of them, and then take steps to work through them. I like this method better than beating yourself up (or being beaten up by others) because of how you feel.

matryoshkadoll · December 2015

For those that pray, remember to do so before conception. At this point only gender can be changed, not sex. You could pray for peace with the outcome you end up with.

PleaseSendPicklesNow · December 2015

I already love our baby, and I don't know if it's a boy or girl yet. We lost our first one, and as long as this one is born healthy, I'll be happy. But I'd be lying if I said I have no anxiety about possibly raising a daughter.

My relationship with my own mother was so dysfunctional. Mom struggled with mental illness when I was young, and bad stuff happened. I've never experienced a healthy mother-daughter dynamic, and I fear that my parenting skills might not be as good with a daughter.

My concerns are an issue for another board, and since I don't have the problems my Mom had, everything will probaly be okay. But I worry, beause I want to be a good parent. I don't want to transfer baggage from one mother-daughter relationship to another.

I don't know where the OP is coming from. But sometimes these feelings aren't just about a dislike of frilly dresses. And if she has good reasons for feeling the way she does, I don't want to make her feel bad.

thebigoaktree · December 2015

jlgriff11 said:
The only way I'll be disappointed is if I end up with a t-rex, but even then, I can learn to love.

My husband and I are disappointed we're not having a t-Rex. I'm trying to figure out how to tell everyone with out being super disappointed.

valleyvice · December 2015

@spatr breath easy! I know LOTS of people that were disappointed when they first learned the sex of the their child. They had certain expectations or hopes, envisioned their baby in a certain way, for a host of different reasons. As the others have reassured you, you're going to be so in love with your daughter. Now that you officially know the sex, you'll be able to start really imagining your life with a girl, and your perspective will begin to change with time. And once she gets here... Forget about it, you'll be smitten!

m8881 · December 2015

This is completely normal. I have two boys close in age. We had every boyish baby thing you could want and got rid of everything thinking we were done. I am not excited at the prospect of buying boy stuff all over again (especially the clothes). My first two were conceived after months and months of fertility treatments so I know all about being grateful for just being pregnant. I don't feel bad at all that I want a certain gender because I know it will all work out and we will love him or her. You will get to that point too.

TattoosandLace · December 2015

SparkySunshine said:
A gummy bear sounds easier to give birth to than a T-rex IMHO

I'm with you. Less claws and teeth and sharp edges.

jlgriff11 · December 2015

TattoosandLace said:

A gummy bear sounds easier to give birth to than a T-rex IMHO
I'm with you. Less claws and teeth and sharp edges.

And now I'm imagining that and am very glad I'm not having a T-rex.

sboston06 · December 2015

This is one of the reasons we are waiting to find out the sex of the baby until after it's born. I think it's so much easier to feel that disappointment before you actually hold him or her and hear their cry. My sister was initially disappointed as well when she found out that her first child was a girl and had to work through that. By the time she was born, both she and her husband were super excited about it and now they have a wonderful little girl who is incredibly smart and beautiful. She too felt very guilty (and still does) about those initial feelings. All you can do is work through them and pray that the rest of the pregnancy is healthy.

FluffleSprout · December 2015

Sometimes, what feels like disappointment is really just feeling overwhelmed learning you aren't getting the scenario you imagined. Having had tttc and suffering a previous loss, I had surrendered a lot of my ideas about my perfect family when I had my DD but it took time. If you've had one strong idea all along, it takes some time to accept a new reality. Your feelings are common enough.

Let it sink in. My husband was scared to have a girl but now he is the best daddy on earth. Now that we are having #2 I cannot fathom a boy. I don't know boys so I often see sisters playing in my imagination. But if my baby is a boy, I'm going to be thrilled. It just seems weird because I can't wrap my brain around it.

Now, if you become my acquaintance who still bitches about having girls after they're born, you're a jerk (I hate that guy so much). I think right now you're just being honest and surprised.

FinePlacentaPie · December 2015

thebigoaktree said:

The only way I'll be disappointed is if I end up with a t-rex, but even then, I can learn to love.
My husband and I are disappointed we're not having a t-Rex. I'm trying to figure out how to tell everyone with out being super disappointed.

*lurking*

I mean, I kind of don't understand how anyone could be disappointed with a T-Rex. You'd have your very own T-Rex. YOUR VERY OWN.

SparkySunshine · December 2015

I don't think it's safe to say "once she's here you'll love her sooooo much and won't have that disappointment." Don't put off dealing with "disappointment" until the baby is born, because that can be setting yourself and your child up for tough times
My sister was disappointed she was having a daughter. The disappointment is still very much there and this little girl is now 3 1/2 years old.
Also, my MIL STILL has issues with her childhood because her parents wanted her to be a boy.
Disclaimer: I have a personal problem with people that "suffer" from sex "disappointment." I just don't get it, love your baby

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