But saying that her desire to take sick time off work now means she's I'll-equipped to deal with parenting IS pretty ridiculous. Especially since taking a sick day now is actually putting her child's best interest first, as @celebfash26 pointed out.
But saying that her desire to take sick time off work now means she's I'll-equipped to deal with parenting IS pretty ridiculous. Especially since taking a sick day now is actually putting her child's best interest first, as @celebfash26 pointed out.
I really hope you don't get sick during the first year of your kid's life. I mean that truly-- because legit -- there is no "calling in" or getting a doctor's note for parenting a baby. You get sick & you have to push through.
So it's not about what kind of woman you are or anything. It's about priorities to your kid. So, I'm sorry you are sick now. That sucks, but flaking on your commitment to work this near the finish line doesn't really look good anyway, right?
I mean, doctors note or not, your boss doesn't seem to care if you are sick & need personal time.
Another thing to consider: do you want a job with no sick leave or PTO? What if your baby gets sick & can't go to daycare? You have to stay home with them.How will your employer handle that? If you can never be absent then you might have a problem. I'm not snarking or trying to be rude. I'm seriously concerned about what you describe & it's compatibility with raising an infant.
I might job hunt after the first month you are back because you need a position that allows you to take the occasional day off, just generally.
I understand being frustrated at the difference of opinion here, but telling folks to F off isn't really very nice or productive. I'd advise against that.
I wish you the best, but you might have to toughen up a bit. You've got a real big challenge this first year of your baby's life.
I stand by what I said. I think that you need a certain amount of stamina (even in the best health) to cope with the demands of parenting. That's not a put down, but true in my experience.
OP made the comment that she's not the "suck it up" type. She's going to have to become one when the baby arrives, unless she has the luxury of a lot of hands-on help. The first year of a child's life IS a challenge. I disagree that it's ridiculous to point this out.
Also, there is a huge difference between "knowing/understanding" & actually doing. There was no insinuation-- parenting is hard, full stop. Rewarding, but difficult.
I don't believe that makes me outright wrong or a poor choice of words to say this to someone complaining that they feel like they just can't go to work at this stage. Later, there is no "just not going into work". Self-care is important, but being sick happens. The world just can't stop when you've got a tiny person that depends on you. I'm not saying that OP can't hack it parenting (in general), just stating that it gets considerably more complicated once baby is here.
I'm don't really understand how any of that is "ridiculous"? If anything it's sound, rational advice. Just because it seems obvious, doesn't mean it is. Shoot, there are a ton of seemingly obvious posts all over the boards that scream, "please call your doctor" or other things that, to me, should be common knowledge. So it seems unreasonable to take me to task for legitimate advice aimed at parenting while sick.
In any event, I find it ridiculous to ask for a note from the doctor for a cold. Start your maternity leave early or call in sick. If the employer doesn't like it, then what are they going to do? If they fire her then so be it. My question still stands, what will this employer do if the baby gets sick?
If it's just a couple days I'd either tough it out or call in. Getting the doctor involved doesn't legitimize her sickness (so it seems) to this employer.
There are panties twisted here for reasons that baffle me. Discounting my advice as ridiculous seems like an unnecessarily negative & short-sighted thing to do. Especially since I'm not saying this in a mean-spirited or otherwise malevolent way.
Wow. So "obviously" YES I am a first time mom. I am so very sorry to the extremely sensitive folks that I used the incorrect term. I was not aware a doctor could just write me a note and it not be considered bed rest. Yes, my doctor did in fact write me a note without blinking an eye because WHY would I suffer through an illness before having a major surgery? GOOD FOR YOU if you can be a stick it out kinda gal, I typically am. But when I can barely move or breathe, I am not going to try and be too proud, I will try to make myself better so I can take better care of my child when he arrives. I have worked 50+ hours a week up until this week. But guess what, IM FREAKING SICK. Call me weak? Or whatever you may want to call it. I don't really freakin care. Do I think I can "call in" with my kid when I am pregnant with my second? Funny... No I don't. But why not take advantage of the fact that I do not have other obligations and can take the time to myself. I typically am a "post and ghost" because i get the answer I need and move along. I'm not here to have an Internet party or bash fest. But if you're going to try and talk down on me for thinking about my health days before I'm about to bring in a baby into the world? F off.
To those who had my back, thank you ladies. Obviously we all have to be hardasses and if you're not, you're the devil himself. *GASP*
"GOOD FOR YOU if you can be a stick it out kinda gal, I typically am."
Actually @PrimRoseMama I think you misunderstood or misread this post. She said she usually IS a suck-it-up kind of person, but considering the circumstances (sick, recently working a ton, scheduled c-section coming up--today in fact!) She understandably didn't feel like sticking it out, and frankly it would probably be detrimental for her health and for the health of her newborn if she had.
Of COURSE things will change when the baby arrives. All the more reason to take advantage of her ability to really focus on herself and her health NOW. And I don't know about you ladies, but when I'm sick I have this thing called a husband. He's really great at stepping up his game and taking on more than his fair share of the work so I can recuperate. And I do the same for him.
I do totally agree with your assertion that having an unsupportive job as a new parent is bullocks and not really worth the stress or headache. I agree that she should probably look into finding something better for the long-term.
Generally, I feel like this OP over-reacted to ask to go on bed-rest over a cold. I'm not saying she should put herself out over her job if its truly detrimental to her health. However, she seemed to arm-flail a bit. A sick day? Cool. Bed rest? Nope. That's where I"m coming from. Bed rest is not something to ask for because you just can't even with a cold. I'm side-eyeing someone being so dramatic over a cold.
Some folks have husbands (like you and me) that are great when they are sick. Some don't. I don't know what kind of partner this woman has. She didn't say. Either way, she got the two days off so at this point its pointless to rehash.
Generally, if someone is this quick to arm-flail about two days of having to suck it up at work while pregnant-sick, then I DO wonder about their ability to deal with a newborn. I do the same thing with other posts that are somewhat overblown. At any rate, there is nothing to be done about this situation. Arguing anymore on the interwebz is just going to frustrate everyone.
But if I argue with a Stranger on the internet over something that has absolutely no effect on either of our lives, that means I get to keep putting off writing my term papers. And I'm nothing if not a dedicated procrastinator.
I think her request SEEMED overblown and flaily because she mistakenly called it bedrest. But the request itself wasn't unreasonable. She said her cold was flu-like, so I doubt it was just the sniffles. I get an entire month off before my due date, if I choose to take it. What's truly ridiculous are the dismal leave laws in this country that force women to work up until they go into labor, sick or otherwise, and then rush back to work while they might still be recovering from childbirth.
"What's truly ridiculous are the dismal leave laws in this country that force women to work up until they go into labor, sick or otherwise, and then rush back to work while they might still be recovering from childbirth." We can agree here.
@blended10 I agree! And I've been thinking the same thing through this whole post. The "F off" part was a bit much but the interaction with everyone was awesome.
OP I really hope you are not bummed out by a lot of these women. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were not trying to "belittle" the struggles and worries of women on bedrest. God forbid you ask a question on an open forum. Also, all those saying you could have taken vacation time clearly did not read your entire post where you stated you could not just take the days off. I hope you got the rest you needed and your birth went well. I don't know why women have to be so catty and can't just support each other. Apparently it makes them feel better about themselves to run others down. Good luck with motherhood!
OP I really hope you are not bummed out by a lot of these women. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were not trying to "belittle" the struggles and worries of women on bedrest. God forbid you ask a question on an open forum. Also, all those saying you could have taken vacation time clearly did not read your entire post where you stated you could not just take the days off. I hope you got the rest you needed and your birth went well. I don't know why women have to be so catty and can't just support each other. Apparently it makes them feel better about themselves to run others down. Good luck with motherhood!
This made me laugh so thanks for that. I mean, God forbid an open forum be anything but sunshine and rainbows. This is not a support group the last time I checked. Did saying everything you did make you feel better about yourself? Good luck with life in general!
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
I don't think it's a support group. I think, as so many of you have stated, pregnancy can be tough on everyone and insulting her ability to parent later or acting like she is stupid for her question doesn't help anything. Everyone who had a less than "sunshine and rainbows" response could have given the same advice without being so insulting to her as a person when you don't even know her. and I doubt she posted the question meaning to insult anyone on bedrest. She just misused the damn term. Does tearing other people down make you feel better? And my life is great! Thanks for that!
I don't think it's a support group. I think, as so many of you have stated, pregnancy can be tough on everyone and insulting her ability to parent later or acting like she is stupid for her question doesn't help anything. Everyone who had a less than "sunshine and rainbows" response could have given the same advice without being so insulting to her as a person when you don't even know her. and I doubt she posted the question meaning to insult anyone on bedrest. She just misused the damn term. Does tearing other people down make you feel better? And my life is great! Thanks for that!
Fortunately no one can actually dictate the manner in which a question is asked or answered. You personally saw something as "insulting" or "tearing other people down" but that doesn't mean that everyone shares that opinion because every single human has their own. Just the beauty of life.
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
I don't think it's a support group. I think, as so many of you have stated, pregnancy can be tough on everyone and insulting her ability to parent later or acting like she is stupid for her question doesn't help anything. Everyone who had a less than "sunshine and rainbows" response could have given the same advice without being so insulting to her as a person when you don't even know her. and I doubt she posted the question meaning to insult anyone on bedrest. She just misused the damn term. Does tearing other people down make you feel better? And my life is great! Thanks for that!
Acting like she is stupid? Being insulting? Tearing people down? Are we on the same thread? What is even happening?
OP I really hope you are not bummed out by a lot of these women. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you were not trying to "belittle" the struggles and worries of women on bedrest. God forbid you ask a question on an open forum. Also, all those saying you could have taken vacation time clearly did not read your entire post where you stated you could not just take the days off. I hope you got the rest you needed and your birth went well. I don't know why women have to be so catty and can't just support each other. Apparently it makes them feel better about themselves to run others down. Good luck with motherhood!
Um, myself & other posters had a perfectly rational, polite debate here. Catty implies irrational disagreement for no good reason. I really think you are misinterpreting what happened here..
I was waiting for that ONE poster to come out of the woodwork with the usual "omg y'all are so catty & mean!". It just wouldn't be a post on The Tri Boards without it.
Hey, I thought we'd all kumbayah'd by now and had moved on to the part where we share a pot of tea and braid each other's hair in a demonstration of peaceful sisterhood.
Hey, I thought we'd all kumbayah'd by now and had moved on to the part where we share a pot of tea and braid each other's hair in a demonstration of peaceful sisterhood.
lolol, good luck with this happening on any online forum
Threads like these really tend to point out the ftm's and the pregnancies that will be their only one. OP had 2 or 3 days left to "cope with pregnancy". Obviously she doesn't currently have a child at home and I really hope she doesn't have any "aches and pains" while raising this child because you can't just quit because of a little discomfort. There are more than a few times during pregnancy and raising children that you just have to put your big girl panties on and deal with life. When your pregnant and/or have children you're no longer priority #1.
I'm way late to this thread, but I'm going to have to call foul on this logic. I was a FTM and I am OAD, and I would have never thought of asking for bed rest without a legitimate reason, nor did I call out of work any more than necessary. Hell, I was pissed that I had to start my leave early, because I was induced 4 days prior to my due date. I still knew I had responsibilities even while pregnant.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
Hey, I thought we'd all kumbayah'd by now and had moved on to the part where we share a pot of tea and braid each other's hair in a demonstration of peaceful sisterhood.
Dammit @ssnodgrass24 what have you done?
Can we please specify which hair we're braiding before agreeing to join in? Big bellies + pelvic rest = wooly bush.
Me: 33 DH: 34 DS1: March 18, 2016 DS2: due June 7, 2018
Hey, I thought we'd all kumbayah'd by now and had moved on to the part where we share a pot of tea and braid each other's hair in a demonstration of peaceful sisterhood.
Threads like these really tend to point out the ftm's and the pregnancies that will be their only one. OP had 2 or 3 days left to "cope with pregnancy". Obviously she doesn't currently have a child at home and I really hope she doesn't have any "aches and pains" while raising this child because you can't just quit because of a little discomfort. There are more than a few times during pregnancy and raising children that you just have to put your big girl panties on and deal with life. When your pregnant and/or have children you're no longer priority #1.
I'm way late to this thread, but I'm going to have to call foul on this logic. I was a FTM and I am OAD, and I would have never thought of asking for bed rest without a legitimate reason, nor did I call out of work any more than necessary. Hell, I was pissed that I had to start my leave early, because I was induced 4 days prior to my due date. I still knew I had responsibilities even while pregnant.
You're calling foul on what I said?
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
Threads like these really tend to point out the ftm's and the pregnancies that will be their only one. OP had 2 or 3 days left to "cope with pregnancy". Obviously she doesn't currently have a child at home and I really hope she doesn't have any "aches and pains" while raising this child because you can't just quit because of a little discomfort. There are more than a few times during pregnancy and raising children that you just have to put your big girl panties on and deal with life. When your pregnant and/or have children you're no longer priority #1.
I'm way late to this thread, but I'm going to have to call foul on this logic. I was a FTM and I am OAD, and I would have never thought of asking for bed rest without a legitimate reason, nor did I call out of work any more than necessary. Hell, I was pissed that I had to start my leave early, because I was induced 4 days prior to my due date. I still knew I had responsibilities even while pregnant.
You're calling foul on what I said?
I think she took it as you calling out FTMs in general as opposed to (what I assume you meant) calling out this specific FTM and other ones that post things like this. FWIW @FinePlacentaPie Kynbar is on my BMB and I am also a FTM and I can assure you she was just speaking directly to OP, not FTMs in general. She's quite supportive - real and honest, but definitely supportive.
Threads like these really tend to point out the ftm's and the pregnancies that will be their only one. OP had 2 or 3 days left to "cope with pregnancy". Obviously she doesn't currently have a child at home and I really hope she doesn't have any "aches and pains" while raising this child because you can't just quit because of a little discomfort. There are more than a few times during pregnancy and raising children that you just have to put your big girl panties on and deal with life. When your pregnant and/or have children you're no longer priority #1.
I'm way late to this thread, but I'm going to have to call foul on this logic. I was a FTM and I am OAD, and I would have never thought of asking for bed rest without a legitimate reason, nor did I call out of work any more than necessary. Hell, I was pissed that I had to start my leave early, because I was induced 4 days prior to my due date. I still knew I had responsibilities even while pregnant.
You're calling foul on what I said?
I think she took it as you calling out FTMs in general as opposed to (what I assume you meant) calling out this specific FTM and other ones that post things like this. FWIW @FinePlacentaPie Kynbar is on my BMB and I am also a FTM and I can assure you she was just speaking directly to OP, not FTMs in general. She's quite supportive - real and honest, but definitely supportive.
Ohhhh ok. Got cha. Yes, I was actually talking about the OP.
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
People can ask for help though yeah? I really don't see what the big deal is.
Bit of a difference between asking for a doctor's note to excuse you from work and asking your doctor to put you on bed rest (usually reserved for women with severe medical complications) because you have a freaking cold.
Married July 2009, Rescue dog adopted September 2010, DS born June 2012
Threads like these really tend to point out the ftm's and the pregnancies that will be their only one. OP had 2 or 3 days left to "cope with pregnancy". Obviously she doesn't currently have a child at home and I really hope she doesn't have any "aches and pains" while raising this child because you can't just quit because of a little discomfort. There are more than a few times during pregnancy and raising children that you just have to put your big girl panties on and deal with life. When your pregnant and/or have children you're no longer priority #1.
I'm way late to this thread, but I'm going to have to call foul on this logic. I was a FTM and I am OAD, and I would have never thought of asking for bed rest without a legitimate reason, nor did I call out of work any more than necessary. Hell, I was pissed that I had to start my leave early, because I was induced 4 days prior to my due date. I still knew I had responsibilities even while pregnant.
You're calling foul on what I said?
Not so much what you said specifically so much as the notion that FTMs and those with no other children have the mentality that it's still about them.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
I'm usually pretty on point opinion-wise with @kynbar5, no big issue. I didn't really assume you were making that generalization, just thought people would jump on the train that all FTMs thought that way.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
I'm not sure why everyone seems to take this personally. Exhaustion is not good for the body either. Stress is not good for the baby. People handle stress and pain very differently. This is a valid concern for you. If you feel like you seriously can't be at work why would it be a sin to ask? If your doctor says no, okay. I feel as if it's your body, your experience, and ultimately your life. Your doctor may offer some alternative but you should feel comfortable enough to have an honest conversation. If work is too much at the end that is for you and your doctor to decide. How can the women of this board judge your pain? I think it's a little rude.
I'm not sure why everyone seems to take this personally. Exhaustion is not good for the body either. Stress is not good for the baby. People handle stress and pain very differently. This is a valid concern for you. If you feel like you seriously can't be at work why would it be a sin to ask? If your doctor says no, okay. I feel as if it's your body, your experience, and ultimately your life. Your doctor may offer some alternative but you should feel comfortable enough to have an honest conversation. If work is too much at the end that is for you and your doctor to decide. How can the women of this board judge your pain? I think it's a little rude.
Re: Can I ask to be put on bed rest?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
OP made the comment that she's not the "suck it up" type. She's going to have to become one when the baby arrives, unless she has the luxury of a lot of hands-on help. The first year of a child's life IS a challenge. I disagree that it's ridiculous to point this out.
Also, there is a huge difference between "knowing/understanding" & actually doing. There was no insinuation-- parenting is hard, full stop. Rewarding, but difficult.
I don't believe that makes me outright wrong or a poor choice of words to say this to someone complaining that they feel like they just can't go to work at this stage. Later, there is no "just not going into work". Self-care is important, but being sick happens. The world just can't stop when you've got a tiny person that depends on you. I'm not saying that OP can't hack it parenting (in general), just stating that it gets considerably more complicated once baby is here.
I'm don't really understand how any of that is "ridiculous"? If anything it's sound, rational advice. Just because it seems obvious, doesn't mean it is. Shoot, there are a ton of seemingly obvious posts all over the boards that scream, "please call your doctor" or other things that, to me, should be common knowledge. So it seems unreasonable to take me to task for legitimate advice aimed at parenting while sick.
In any event, I find it ridiculous to ask for a note from the doctor for a cold. Start your maternity leave early or call in sick. If the employer doesn't like it, then what are they going to do? If they fire her then so be it. My question still stands, what will this employer do if the baby gets sick?
If it's just a couple days I'd either tough it out or call in. Getting the doctor involved doesn't legitimize her sickness (so it seems) to this employer.
There are panties twisted here for reasons that baffle me. Discounting my advice as ridiculous seems like an unnecessarily negative & short-sighted thing to do. Especially since I'm not saying this in a mean-spirited or otherwise malevolent way.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Actually @PrimRoseMama I think you misunderstood or misread this post. She said she usually IS a suck-it-up kind of person, but considering the circumstances (sick, recently working a ton, scheduled c-section coming up--today in fact!) She understandably didn't feel like sticking it out, and frankly it would probably be detrimental for her health and for the health of her newborn if she had.
Of COURSE things will change when the baby arrives. All the more reason to take advantage of her ability to really focus on herself and her health NOW. And I don't know about you ladies, but when I'm sick I have this thing called a husband. He's really great at stepping up his game and taking on more than his fair share of the work so I can recuperate. And I do the same for him.
I do totally agree with your assertion that having an unsupportive job as a new parent is bullocks and not really worth the stress or headache. I agree that she should probably look into finding something better for the long-term.
Some folks have husbands (like you and me) that are great when they are sick. Some don't. I don't know what kind of partner this woman has. She didn't say. Either way, she got the two days off so at this point its pointless to rehash.
Generally, if someone is this quick to arm-flail about two days of having to suck it up at work while pregnant-sick, then I DO wonder about their ability to deal with a newborn. I do the same thing with other posts that are somewhat overblown. At any rate, there is nothing to be done about this situation. Arguing anymore on the interwebz is just going to frustrate everyone.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I think her request SEEMED overblown and flaily because she mistakenly called it bedrest. But the request itself wasn't unreasonable. She said her cold was flu-like, so I doubt it was just the sniffles. I get an entire month off before my due date, if I choose to take it. What's truly ridiculous are the dismal leave laws in this country that force women to work up until they go into labor, sick or otherwise, and then rush back to work while they might still be recovering from childbirth.
We can agree here.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
Acting like she is stupid?
Being insulting?
Tearing people down?
Are we on the same thread?
What is even happening?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
More like God forbid someone doesn't tell you exactly what you want to hear. There's always the oneeee person who comes in to call everyone mean.
Dammit @ssnodgrass24 what have you done?
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
Me: 33 DH: 34
DS1: March 18, 2016
DS2: due June 7, 2018
You're calling foul on what I said?
This thread:
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Ohhhh ok. Got cha. Yes, I was actually talking about the OP.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
P.S. Rude? Reeeeeaallly?