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Infertility
Celestina1987
member
**Trigger Warning** Loss and current stepchild mentioned
Celestina1987
member
**Trigger Warning**
Hello! I am very new to this site, with the exception that I've seen bits and pieces of this site during the last 5 or so years while dealing with continuous infertility following a loss. But I finally decided to offiially join TB! The reason is because I am tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to about this issue of infertility(except DH of course). I'm 28 years old. **Trigger warning**
When I was 20, I did get pregnant ONCE. After carrying him to term, I made the choice to give him up for adoption. The problem with doing that is that no one in my life has ever recognized that that WAS and still IS a LOSS for me. I never saw my baby again, and it created a hole in me, one that I have spent the last 5 years trying to fill with TTCing. I was born to be a mother, but had a very bad childhood and so I gave up my only child when he was born because everyone around me told me I didn't deserve to be/couldn't possibly be a Mom. I believed them long enough to give him up. I have spent the last 5 years TTC, with at first, unexplained infertility, then was diagnosed with PCOS, extremely irregular periods, and not ovulating. I had taken the DepoVera shot a couple years ago because I was told it would help regulate my cycles. It only made my infertility ten times worse.
For some reason since my loss almost 7 years ago(2009), I was suddenly, continuously infertile.
I've recently remarried, and my DH has a two year old son from a previous relationship. Both DH and I want to add one more from both our genes to our family, but with me being infertile, it hasn't happened yet, of course. I haven't been pregnant even ONCE since my loss. Don't get me wrong, we love his son with all our hearts, but we would like for him to have a sibling to share his life with. Also, because of my years long battle with infertility, there is still a hole in me that only another child will fill. Perhaps I'm being ungrateful, wanting a child that is also from me...when we already have a son that we love. I feel guilty for still wanting one that I will hopefully, someday give birth to...IDK. Anyway...
I hope that I'm following the TOU and guidelines well during the posting of this. (I've read them, but no one's perfect).
Please let me know if I've said anything inappropriate or not applicable to this forum.
I honestly don't want to upset anyone; quite the opposite. And I'm hoping anyone who's going through/has gone through anything similar to this will help me get through this difficult time.
I am also here for anyone going through hard times. Just reach out to me, and I'll offer whatever friendly support I can.
Hello! I am very new to this site, with the exception that I've seen bits and pieces of this site during the last 5 or so years while dealing with continuous infertility following a loss. But I finally decided to offiially join TB! The reason is because I am tired of feeling like I have no one to talk to about this issue of infertility(except DH of course). I'm 28 years old. **Trigger warning**
When I was 20, I did get pregnant ONCE. After carrying him to term, I made the choice to give him up for adoption. The problem with doing that is that no one in my life has ever recognized that that WAS and still IS a LOSS for me. I never saw my baby again, and it created a hole in me, one that I have spent the last 5 years trying to fill with TTCing. I was born to be a mother, but had a very bad childhood and so I gave up my only child when he was born because everyone around me told me I didn't deserve to be/couldn't possibly be a Mom. I believed them long enough to give him up. I have spent the last 5 years TTC, with at first, unexplained infertility, then was diagnosed with PCOS, extremely irregular periods, and not ovulating. I had taken the DepoVera shot a couple years ago because I was told it would help regulate my cycles. It only made my infertility ten times worse.
For some reason since my loss almost 7 years ago(2009), I was suddenly, continuously infertile.
I've recently remarried, and my DH has a two year old son from a previous relationship. Both DH and I want to add one more from both our genes to our family, but with me being infertile, it hasn't happened yet, of course. I haven't been pregnant even ONCE since my loss. Don't get me wrong, we love his son with all our hearts, but we would like for him to have a sibling to share his life with. Also, because of my years long battle with infertility, there is still a hole in me that only another child will fill. Perhaps I'm being ungrateful, wanting a child that is also from me...when we already have a son that we love. I feel guilty for still wanting one that I will hopefully, someday give birth to...IDK. Anyway...
I hope that I'm following the TOU and guidelines well during the posting of this. (I've read them, but no one's perfect).
Please let me know if I've said anything inappropriate or not applicable to this forum.
I honestly don't want to upset anyone; quite the opposite. And I'm hoping anyone who's going through/has gone through anything similar to this will help me get through this difficult time.
I am also here for anyone going through hard times. Just reach out to me, and I'll offer whatever friendly support I can.
Re: **Trigger Warning** Loss and current stepchild mentioned
Me 39 DH44
1st DE FET 5/16-BFN
2nd DE FET 7/18-BFP
8/17 Baby HR 140/min EDD 4/6/17
Don't feel bad for wanting a child of your own . That's human nature ! We all want that of course . I wish you all the best in this journey to motherhood . What's your current status - are you seeing a doctor and seeking treatment ? We are here for you !! If you need to vent , have questions or whatever you will be supported here !
Sending hugs !!!
**BFP and loss warning**
Me: 34, DH: 38 ~ TTC since 2014
IUI #1-3 (Nov 2015, Feb 2016, May 2016) = BFNs
IVF ER (July 2016) = 7 PGS normal embryos
FET #1 (Sept 2016) = BFP! DD born 5/30/17
FET #2 (April 2019) = BFN
FET #3 (July 2019) = BFP! DS born 3/27/20
Provera pills at 10 mg for 5 days to induce a period (due to the fact that I haven't had one since July of this year.)
I'll come in for a CD 21 blood test to see if I ovulated.
If I did not ovulate, OB will have me restart the Provera on CD 28 and we will add in Clomid the next cycle.
I am on day 3 off of my very first attempt at Provera and still no bleeding. They say it can take up to a couple weeks after stopping the last pill for your period to start, so I'm still patiently waiting...*sigh*
Thank you so much to everyone who has replied so far. It was great to wake up to this kind of support this morning.