April 2016 Moms

DH Goes to Strip Club! WTF?!?

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Re: DH Goes to Strip Club! WTF?!?

  • It's a communication thing. If MH went out with his buddies and I later found out it was a strip club and he didn't tell me ahead of time I'd be pissed. If he told me up front I probably wouldn't have minded so much as long as he spend little money. Thankfully MH is very against either of us going to those places and we've never drank so we mostly stay home most of the time. Our "time out" is going to a dinner and a movie.

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  • I wouldn't be bothered regarding the strip club with the exception of the money thing. Then again, I've seen many women post on here, along with IRL women (I work part-time retail) who go shopping and don't tell their spouses and even specifically hide their shopping habits from their husbands. So, it works both way. I do not believe men go to strip clubs in order to get their rocks off. It's a social function. Like getting together and going to Hooters. I just don't see the big deal.
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  • AK118 said:

    On a lighter note, isn't this the time when our husbands should be excited about the new, real, larger boobs at home? And they're free! :)

    Hells yes @AK118, my boobs are GLORIOUS. I'm literally getting bigger everywhere else too, so that pretty much sucks, but yay for bigger, beautiful, glorious pregnant boobs!!!

    Regarding the topic... I can see both sides. It's not the worst thing a man could do now and then, but I probably wouldn't be thrilled, esp if my man chose to go look at mostly naked strangers over doing something with me, or if it became a habit.

    I think @Mailmans Baby Momma is spot on, ultimately couples need to respect each other's boundaries.

  • yodiggity said:
    I wouldn't be bothered regarding the strip club with the exception of the money thing. Then again, I've seen many women post on here, along with IRL women (I work part-time retail) who go shopping and don't tell their spouses and even specifically hide their shopping habits from their husbands. So, it works both way. I do not believe men go to strip clubs in order to get their rocks off. It's a social function. Like getting together and going to Hooters. I just don't see the big deal.
    I feel like there must be a difference between US and EU strip clubs. I don't think a Hooters waitress would take kindly to being offered $150 to "do things" in a shady back room. Two of my friends' husbands did some pretty awful stuff in that Copenhagen club. But of course not my husband. He "only drank one drink and then went home".
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  • edited November 2015
    DougalMcG said:




    yodiggity said:

    I wouldn't be bothered regarding the strip club with the exception of the money thing. Then again, I've seen many women post on here, along with IRL women (I work part-time retail) who go shopping and don't tell their spouses and even specifically hide their shopping habits from their husbands. So, it works both way. I do not believe men go to strip clubs in order to get their rocks off. It's a social function. Like getting together and going to Hooters. I just don't see the big deal.



    I feel like there must be a difference between US and EU strip clubs. I don't think a Hooters waitress would take kindly to being offered $150 to "do things" in a shady back room. Two of my friends' husbands did some pretty awful stuff in that Copenhagen club. But of course not my husband. He "only drank one drink and then went home".
    image
    Strip clubs in most of Denmark are pretty harmless. But the ones in Copenhagen are all placed on a street called Istedgade and that street is notorious for the amount of prostitutes and sex shops. It's crazy. Take a stroll there and you'll either get offered a blowjob as a guy or drugs.


        

  • Yes, obviously there is a huge difference between a strip club and prostitution. 
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  • DougalMcGDougalMcG member
    edited November 2015

    yodiggity said:
    I wouldn't be bothered regarding the strip club with the exception of the money thing. Then again, I've seen many women post on here, along with IRL women (I work part-time retail) who go shopping and don't tell their spouses and even specifically hide their shopping habits from their husbands. So, it works both way. I do not believe men go to strip clubs in order to get their rocks off. It's a social function. Like getting together and going to Hooters. I just don't see the big deal.
    I feel like there must be a difference between US and EU strip clubs. I don't think a Hooters waitress would take kindly to being offered $150 to "do things" in a shady back room. Two of my friends' husbands did some pretty awful stuff in that Copenhagen club. But of course not my husband. He "only drank one drink and then went home".
    image
    Strip clubs in most of Denmark are pretty harmless. But the ones in Copenhagen are all placed on a street called Istedgade and that street is notorious for the amount of prostitutes and sex shops. It's crazy. Take a stroll there and you'll either get offered a blowjob as a guy or drugs.
    Loooooovely lol ETA: Ok I googled it and it wasn't on crazy prostitute street, but it was like 1.5km away. So that's OK right?? @elasticheart13
  • edited November 2015
    DougalMcG said:

    yodiggity said:
    I wouldn't be bothered regarding the strip club with the exception of the money thing. Then again, I've seen many women post on here, along with IRL women (I work part-time retail) who go shopping and don't tell their spouses and even specifically hide their shopping habits from their husbands. So, it works both way. I do not believe men go to strip clubs in order to get their rocks off. It's a social function. Like getting together and going to Hooters. I just don't see the big deal.
    I feel like there must be a difference between US and EU strip clubs. I don't think a Hooters waitress would take kindly to being offered $150 to "do things" in a shady back room. Two of my friends' husbands did some pretty awful stuff in that Copenhagen club. But of course not my husband. He "only drank one drink and then went home".
    image
    Strip clubs in most of Denmark are pretty harmless. But the ones in Copenhagen are all placed on a street called Istedgade and that street is notorious for the amount of prostitutes and sex shops. It's crazy. Take a stroll there and you'll either get offered a blowjob as a guy or drugs.
    Loooooovely lol ETA: Ok I googled it and it wasn't on crazy prostitute street, but it was like 1.5km away. So that's OK right?? @elasticheart13
    Yeah the clubs on that street are pretty shady and it's a very uncomfortable place to be at night (but in the daytime it's very nice lol). But it's really not the norm in Danish strip clubs as far as I know so don't worry. :)


        

  • Quick question: those of you who say you're ok with strip clubs, would you feel the same way if your baby grows up to be a stripper?
  • Quick question: those of you who say you're ok with strip clubs, would you feel the same way if your baby grows up to be a stripper?

    I really don't have an issue with it. I can't be upset with my adult child making decisions like that, when I have done FAR worse in my lifetime.
  • AGK2015AGK2015 member
    edited November 2015
    BrittnyS10 said: Quick question: those of you who say you're ok with strip clubs, would you feel the same way if your baby grows up to be a stripper?
    ------QBF-------
    I'm okay with clubs in general (though what @kalanieileen said about trafficking rings definitely gives me pause), and yes: I'd be okay if my baby girl grows up and decides to strip. I do hope I manage to equip her with the sorts of skills and assets that mean that she'll never feel it's her
    only option, but to be honest I hope she doesn't feel like any career is her only option; I want her to have a world of possibilities open to her.  If that's one option she chooses among many that are open to her, though, I'm not going to get upset.

    Disclaimer: I have been nude in public, including as part of a performance/competition (though not stripping, and I've never been paid for it). I also take the occasional burlesque class (and if I had any rhythm at all, I'd love to perform). I made the free choice to do so and found each experience quite empowering; I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
  • 1) Going out anywhere late and not telling you is not cool - my husband and I always let the other one know where we are, God forbid there should be an incident/attack/situation

    2) Strip clubs, in my opinion, also not cool. My other half has been occasionally for a close friend's stag do, but that's it.

    3) perhaps controversially, but I don't see pregnancy v non-pregnancy making a difference in this case as it counters both principles above, and they permanently stand regardless of situation.

    PS: not that I'm suggesting yours did, but in my book - private lap dance = cheating

    PPS: porn v strip club = totally different! Like comparing Quorn v actual meat!
  • I know I'm in the minority but I don't care at all if my husband goes to a strip club. I don't care if he enjoys himself or even gets a private lap dance. Our relationship is solid and we both are honest about our attraction to other people. It's natural and we enjoy each other more for it.

  •  My hope is to teach any daughters of mine to be strong, intelligent, and selfish enough to stick up for themselves no matter what people say. I would much rather have a daughter who is a stripper and is a string, assertive woman than one who rolls over and does whatever a man tells her to because she seeks validation from something with a penis.
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  • I'm not a huge fan of strip clubs, but I know that my fiance and his brothers have gone together. I trust him not to do anything crazy. I guess this is an UO but I've told him that if they go together, I do NOT want to hear about it. I don't mind if the go have their meaningless boy fun, but I don't want to think about him looking at naked girls the whole time he's gone. Luckily, since one of my sisters is now stripping, he doesn't want to go to any with the fear of her being there. Hopefully that keeps him away forever. :)
  • I'm also just gonna throw it out there that if something were to happen to DH and I couldn't support this child...well, if my post-baby body is anything like my pre-baby body was, I'd gladly take off my clothes and twist around a pole to provide for my LO. I would much, much rather do that than ask for help or handouts.
  • After reading how "hip" you guys all are, you might hate me, and maybe I should save this for UO, but whatever.


    A) I'm not cool with my husband going to the strip club
    B) I'm not cool with my husband watching porn

    When we got married, he committed to me and me alone in many ways, including sexually. So getting aroused by looking at other naked girls is, to me, a violation of the vows we took to be loyal to each other. I'm not a complete naive idiot, so I know he probably watches porn occasionally... but he knows how I feel about it, and I'm not cool with it.

    Also, I think it's kind of sad that some people are totally cool with their "baby girls" being strippers. Actually, really sad. I understand the point that you want your daughter to be empowered and support herself... but honestly, showing your naked body to men for money is degrading, and I think it sort of gives men the power/upper hand.. and encourages men to objectify women/insinuates that our self worth stems from our bodies and physical appearances. I would be really sad if my daughter (not that I have one) became a stripper. There are a billion and one other ways to support yourself. I'm not saying strippers are horrible people, but I just would  be sad.
    I think part of the reason I don't mind my fiance going is because I've heard the guys talk about the women at strip clubs, mostly looking down at them almost like considering them all as cheap whores. While he may go with the guys for entertainment, I don't think there's a real attraction. I know even if he was single these are not women he would go up to in order to start a relationship, and I know he is not the type of person just to have sex just because. I also know that if he had to choose between going to a strip club or staying at home to have fun with me all night, he would choose me every time. In fact, I would never get a night alone if I didn't force him to go out without me once in a while.
    I completely understand where you're coming from when I read your post, but I guess I just don't think of it as cheating because I know our particular relationship.

    Now as for finding out I had a daughter who was stripping, I'd probably have to go in and drag her out by the hair. I don't want my daughter to be thought about like that.
  • @jonesl12 You look awesome and I'm extremely jealous. Also, I think there's a HUGE difference in dancing with clothes on vs with clothes off.
  • @jonesl12 You look awesome and I'm extremely jealous. Also, I think there's a HUGE difference in dancing with clothes on vs with clothes off.

    Thank you !

    I agree there is a huge difference but none the less I won't/don't judge those who do it for a living. I've taught exotic dancers and they are mothers, students, and many are very kind and confident . Others.... Well they have daddy issues or had some very severe childhood incidents that were less than kosher. Depends on the mindset for sure.


  • NOLA520 said:
    AGK2015 said:
    After reading how "hip" you guys all are, you might hate me, and maybe I should save this for UO, but whatever.

    A) I'm not cool with my husband going to the strip club
    B) I'm not cool with my husband watching porn

    When we got married, he committed to me and me alone in many ways, including sexually. So getting aroused by looking at other naked girls is, to me, a violation of the vows we took to be loyal to each other. I'm not a complete naive idiot, so I know he probably watches porn occasionally... but he knows how I feel about it, and I'm not cool with it.

    Also, I think it's kind of sad that some people are totally cool with their "baby girls" being strippers. Actually, really sad. I understand the point that you want your daughter to be empowered and support herself... but honestly, showing your naked body to men for money is degrading, and I think it sort of gives men the power/upper hand.. and encourages men to objectify women/insinuates that our self worth stems from our bodies and physical appearances. I would be really sad if my daughter (not that I have one) became a stripper. There are a billion and one other ways to support yourself. I'm not saying strippers are horrible people, but I just would  be sad.
    I think there's a difference between "I felt empowered by my public nude performance" (which was, incidentally, reading aloud in the buff) and "I think it is empowering for women to be naked in public." I'm not okay with my daughter stripping because I want her to "be empowered and support herself." I'm okay with the thought of my daughter stripping, provided that choice is made freely, because ultimately I believe that her body is hers and she should never feel ashamed of using it however she chooses, whether that's erotic dancing, sex work, saving herself for marriage, or taking a vow of chastity. I don't want her to be pigeonholed into a role she doesn't want just because the stigma (of being a whore or of being a virgin) is too great. To the extent that there's an issue with the men in strip clubs objectifying women: objectification's an issue that she'll face regardless of the choices she makes, and it's not limited to pervy men. The guy who puts her on a pedestal, or who evaluates her strictly with regards to how well she conforms to feminine standards of good behavior rather than who she is as a person is objectifying her too, just not in a sexual way. I'm hoping I can teach her to recognize when that happens, not not to define her self-worth in relation to it, and to stand up for other women when she sees it happen to them. Men who objectify women have the obligation to cut it out; women who are objectified don't have that same obligation to fix the problem. If I'm ever lucky enough to be the parent of a young man, you can bet your ass I'll be teaching him to value women as people, not just bodies.
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    ETA: I also don't think it's a matter of being "hip" or whatever to think it's OK to pursue sex work. Even feminists don't agree on whether or not stripping / porn / prostitution is empowering or beneficial for women. Some do, but many think it's appalling. Everyone is entitled to whatever opinion helps them sleep at night. I'm in the camp of "if you have a problem with women being strippers, don't be a stripper." 
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    Also: YES, to everything you've said here.
  • I do see where you guys are coming from, and it's not that I have a problem with women that are strippers. I will also admit that I don't know any strippers up close and personal. My general impression is just that often, women feel pressured to be strippers because of family/financial situations, and sometimes though not always the choice to strip may have to do with low self-esteem, traumatic events, earlier in life, etc. Overall, I just find it kind of seedy and I wouldn't want it for my own daughter. 

    I also see what you're saying, @shawnacrest , about your husband not being serious about the girls. Of course I don't think my husband would cheat on me (actually, physically) with a stripper... but to hear the guys making fun of the strippers and looking down on them is maybe worse to me because I don't want my husband to have that kind of attitude towards women, ya know? So at the end of the day, I'm just not really cool with it either way. But I can respect that every relationship is different, and like others have said, I Think the most important thing is that couples discuss their feelings and respect each other's emotions and boundaries.
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  • @pinottoparenthood in regards to what you said about previous traumatic events sometimes causing a person to turn to stripping, i disagree. Myself and the 2 other women i personally know who had a traumatic event as a child and teenagers would never put ourself in that environment as a job/career. When something bad like that happens to you, your self-esteem goes down the toliet. I still have major issues and my husband, thank god i found him, is very patient with me and helps me every day. I dont know of any strippers personally, they're illegal in my state and the next state over, so i could be wrong but i think most strippers do it to help themselves financially and to them its a temporary situation. In a way I'm envious of the fact that they have the courage to do that in front of strangers. I can barely do it for my husband, because of past events, and we've been together for 8 years.

    I do agree with you though, that at the end of the day its about the couple and respecting eaxh others emotions and boundaries.
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  • @pinottoparenthood I know the way I worded it sounds worse than it is. He has respect for everyone and is genuinely a good guy. It's hard to explain. I know he's in love with me and will always be there and that's what matters to me.
  • I mostly agree with pinottoparenthood too about the strip clubs/porn. I am not really cool about that but it's not an issue since my husband doesn't seem interested in those things. His lack of interest in them would be the thing that would actually make me more ok with it if he ever ended up going to one in a social situation. I think the being out late drinking would annoy me more.

    I wouldn't object to my daughter (if I have one) stripping based on moral grounds; I would object to it because I would rather my daughter get paid for using her brain rather than looks, and actually do something that helps people or that she really loves to do. I would feel the same about modeling.
  • TKaiser91 said:
    @pinottoparenthood in regards to what you said about previous traumatic events sometimes causing a person to turn to stripping, i disagree. Myself and the 2 other women i personally know who had a traumatic event as a child and teenagers would never put ourself in that environment as a job/career. When something bad like that happens to you, your self-esteem goes down the toliet. I still have major issues and my husband, thank god i found him, is very patient with me and helps me every day. I dont know of any strippers personally, they're illegal in my state and the next state over, so i could be wrong but i think most strippers do it to help themselves financially and to them its a temporary situation. In a way I'm envious of the fact that they have the courage to do that in front of strangers. I can barely do it for my husband, because of past events, and we've been together for 8 years. I do agree with you though, that at the end of the day its about the couple and respecting eaxh others emotions and boundaries.
    I understand that this is your story and the story of your friends, and I completely respect that... but it's not uncommon people who suffer from sexual abuse, etc. as children to act out sexually or be hyper sexual, so I don't think my point is wrong, either. It obviously depends on the person and circumstances. So sorry that you have been through difficult and traumatic events in your life, and I'm glad that you have found a wonderful support system for yourself.
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  • Quick question: those of you who say you're ok with strip clubs, would you feel the same way if your baby grows up to be a stripper?
    This is quite a stretch for correlation. Of course I would not be ok with my daughter becoming a stripper. Being a stripper and attending a strip club are two completely different things.
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  • yodiggity said:
    Quick question: those of you who say you're ok with strip clubs, would you feel the same way if your baby grows up to be a stripper?
    This is quite a stretch for correlation. Of course I would not be ok with my daughter becoming a stripper. Being a stripper and attending a strip club are two completely different things.
    I guess what @BrittnyS10 is getting at though is, if you DON'T want your daughter to be a stripper, then obviously you have a negative impression of strippers, or stripping as a career, or whatever... so why is it okay for your husband to oogle at other women doing it?
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  • I wouldn't care if my husband went to a strip club for some reason, but I would care if I married a man who liked to go to strip clubs (does that make sense?). But I realllllly can't relate to considering porn cheating. I guess I can't differentiate it from the fantasies I dream up in my head. To each their own, you just need to find someone who is genuinely on the same page.
  • Quick question: those of you who say you're ok with strip clubs, would you feel the same way if your baby grows up to be a stripper?
    While I wouldn't be too happy about any of my daughters doing this, if it's their choice to do this then it's up to them. I've did what can to instill morals and values in them for their future, but they're their own people. Regardless of their decisions or career choice, I will love and accept them.
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  • JadaBlue said:
    I wouldn't care if my husband went to a strip club for some reason, but I would care if I married a man who liked to go to strip clubs (does that make sense?). But I realllllly can't relate to considering porn cheating. I guess I can't differentiate it from the fantasies I dream up in my head. To each their own, you just need to find someone who is genuinely on the same page.
    That makes sense. That is what I was trying to say but I didn't know how to say it. I would only be cool with it because I don't think he would enjoy it/want to go and would only go because his friends really wanted to. Haha.
  • @pinottoparenthood I'm with you - as long as the people in the relationship respect each other's boundaries, I don't think the personal details of how two people make it work is anyone else's business.
  • Just my two cents for those that brought up porn...I'm going to go out on a ledge here and say, to me, there's a huge difference between going to a strip club and watching porn.
    Are either of them "good" in my opinion?  No, absolutely not.
    But, a man making the effort to physically go to a strip club is a little more extreme than accessing a porn site which, unfortunately, is so easily accessed at our fingertips.
    Society these days makes it so easy for men (and women) to fall prey to a raunchy sex scene in a movie, or a naughty website from our phones, etc.

    Don't get my wrong, I'm in no way excusing anyone's behavior, I'm just saying that comparing porn to visiting a strip club is a little different.....it's effort vs accessibility.  

    If my husband has a moment of weakness and scopes out a site or two on his phone, I'm not going to be near as livid as if he made the effort to go to a strip club and spend our hard earned paychecks.
    image
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