DH Goes to Strip Club! WTF?!?

crichb

My husband and I got a babysitter and went to dinner last night. He had two friends that were going to be out drinking. After dinner we met them for a drink - I had a mocktail and then decided to go home and let my husband stay out drinking with the boys. He comes in around 1am, sick as a dog. This morning I notice his wallet on the night stand and its full of $1 bills.....He was hungover this morning and admitted it after I confronted him. I am so pissed, disgusted, dissappointed and feeling disrespected. What husband goes out to a strip club leaving his pregnant wife and daughter at home?!?!

Sorry - had to vent, because I am currently giving him the silent treatment and have no one else to talk to about this.

jonesl12

I'd be pissed if I found out after the fact too. Strip clubs don't bother me but if he dropped a substantial about of $$ id be pissed.

akb1125

Ah strip clubs. It seems like this issue is handled differently in every relationship.

I don't mind if my husband goes for bachelor parties but I like him to let me know ahead of time. I hate finding out things like that after the fact or from one of his friends wives, etc. I don't think I'd like it if it were a regular occurance. It's more of a special occasion thing.

AmadorRose

But we're you ok with him going out and drinking with his buddies?
I'm with @jonesl12 on strip clubs - before I got pregnant, I looked better than 90% of the strippers I've ever seen. Now, I know I'm not much to look at and I'm ok with that so strip clubs don't bother me. My job right now is to grow a healthy baby, not to look hot all the time. Plus, DH has been good about being affectionate and that helps a lot.

If, however, he spent a lot of money, if ya'll have had issues in the past about those classy establishments and have set rules about them, if he led you to believe he wouldn't be drinking, or if he was supposed to be home much earlier and didn't call - then I understand your being upset.

I'm not sure what your husband is like, but because mine has had his brains rattled a few times so I know that unless we've specifically talked about what is or isn't allowed in certain situations I shouldnt waste my time getting upset because he won't understand. I know he wouldn't do something if he thought it would upset me, even if we weren't getting along. If this is a recurring issue or if you've talked about a similar situation in the past, then put your foot down. When you decide to have a family, you give up the party lifestyle save for a bachelor party or other special occasion.

Edit to make more concise paragraphs.

AmadorRose

Also, it probably wasn't a very good strip club if he had money left, if that's any reassurance. Or he's cheap or felt bad for being out.

ivyvines6

Wait... Women actually get mad about this? I get pissed off if my man doesn't tell me when he's coming home, but not for where he chooses to spend his time. Strip clubs really aren't that bad compared to most bars. At least there I won't have to worry about a chick hitting on him, and trying to get in his pants.

jonesl12

AmadorRose said:

Also, it probably wasn't a very good strip club if he had money left, if that's any reassurance. Or he's cheap or felt bad for being out.

I could not agree with this more.

misstopsail

I've never seen the point (you can look, but you can't touch??), but I'm pretty sure DH has gone, and I'm indifferent about it.

That being said, if you and your spouse have discussed this, and you told him you didn't want him to go, and he went anyway, I'd be upset.

elasticheart13

I honestly really agree with everything that has been said. I would have been upset about being left alone and waiting for him until 1 am without knowing that he was going out to get drunk or whatever. Strip clubs are not really my style and I know DH went to some a few times with friends for fun where I knew about it. But as mentioned, if this is something you guys have previously discussed and you made your view on this very clear and he went behind your back then you have the right to be upset.

mrstrax

Ugh, sorry you have to deal with that, I'd be pissed too. Maybe I'm just more of a prude, but I'd be pissed about the strip club about anytime other than a bachelor party, especially if he didn't tell me about it. You have a wife at home, why do you need to go look at someone else?!? The guys can't hang out without boobs? 

kalanieileen

Maybe I should write this as a UO, but I am absolutely NOT ok with strip clubs any time any where. Its a deal breaker for me. Fortunately enough, DH understands why it is such a deal breaker for me.

I'd be pissed too girl. But communicate and talk it out with him, give him your side as to why you are upset and maybe he'll reconsider his actions next time --whether you're upset about the strip club or just upset at the time he came home.

kalanieileen

Knottie9983816 said:

Wait... Women actually get mad about this? I get pissed off if my man doesn't tell me when he's coming home, but not for where he chooses to spend his time. Strip clubs really aren't that bad compared to most bars. At least there I won't have to worry about a chick hitting on him, and trying to get in his pants.

Why are you surprised that women actually get mad about strip clubs? There are a lot of women who will get upset about a strip club.
Some strips clubs really ARE that bad. I used to work with an organization fighting against human sex trafficking and a lot of our busts came from strip clubs with underground sex trafficking rings. Or foreign massage parlors in San Francisco. I dedicated years of my life fighting against human trafficking and still to this day raise awareness and am involved with said organization. I know not every strips club is an underground sex trade but I will never be ok with strip clubs.

ivyvines6

kalanieileen said:

Knottie9983816 said:

Wait... Women actually get mad about this? I get pissed off if my man doesn't tell me when he's coming home, but not for where he chooses to spend his time. Strip clubs really aren't that bad compared to most bars. At least there I won't have to worry about a chick hitting on him, and trying to get in his pants.

Why are you surprised that women actually get mad about strip clubs? There are a lot of women who will get upset about a strip club.
Some strips clubs really ARE that bad. I used to work with an organization fighting against human sex trafficking and a lot of our busts came from strip clubs with underground sex trafficking rings. Or foreign massage parlors in San Francisco. I dedicated years of my life fighting against human trafficking and still to this day raise awareness and am involved with said organization. I know not every strips club is an underground sex trade but I will never be ok with strip clubs.

First of all I don't understand it because it doesn't bother me. I don't personally know anyone who it would bother except my very religious mother. I think it's no different than porn, which would be beyond hypocritical of me to expect a ban to be placed on.

Second, I have quite a few friends who are strippers, and they haven't had any of those experiences. However I am definitely not disagreeing this still happens!

You know, it does make me really sad that this is still such an issue in our own backyard, and that we (OK I in this case) just assume it isn't happening here. There is actually a small town about an hour away from where I live that has the highest rates of childhood abductions, and human trafficking cases in the North Central area. Scary stuff indeed.

AK118

On a lighter note, isn't this the time when our husbands should be excited about the new, real, larger boobs at home? And they're free!

blonde_mama

@Knottie9983816 Because strip clubs don't bother you, you don't understand that they could bother someone else? I'm sorry that's crazy. This also may come as a shock to you but not everybody watches porn either. Just because something is the norm to you, doesn't mean it is a lifestyle that is adopted by everyone and that is okay.

ivyvines6

jordanbara said:

@Knottie9983816 Because strip clubs don't bother you, you don't understand that they could bother someone else? I'm sorry that's crazy. This also may come as a shock to you but not everybody watches porn either. Just because something is the norm to you, doesn't mean it is a lifestyle that is adopted by everyone and that is okay.

Mmkay

TKaiser91

I'd be pissed because he didnt tell me until after I confronted him. Dh has never been to a strip club but he has told me he wants to go just to see what it's really all about and if its like tv shows and movies portray it. He also knows that I would only be ok with it for a bachelor party. Same with porn. We both use to watch, together and separately, until one day i was just done with it. I told him we needed to stop because it makes me feel like I'm gonna be judged and compared to the women on screen. He understood and stopped watching it except every now and then when our sex life needs spicing up. So he watches them and googles other ideas to help spice it up in bed.I have caught him a few times, even last night, and it only bothers me if he didnt tell me first.

I would talk to your dh about it. Tell himwhy your so upset and angry. Is it because he spent money, didnt tell you, or if youve talked about this before and he knew you didnt like those places, etc. Stay strong girl and I'm sorry this is happening!

Mailmans Baby Momma

This sounds like it's more about boundaries and trust. Did he know before he went that it would upset you?

MrsCayEye

My only issues would be how did he get home and how much did he spend. The potential answers to those questions would be way more upsetting to me than the strip club aspect.

tripledaggerWed95976

It's never bothered me if my husband goes to strip clubs, however now that I'm pregnant it would seem kinda gross to me if he went to one. I think for me it seems disrespectful to go to one while u have a pregnant wife at home. Also I feel we should be saving our money for the baby, not giving it to Another woman

spatter1

Ugh I'm sorry that happened!!! I def don't love the idea of strip clubs but if it's for a bachelor party, fine. I don't think it's the same as porn at all- porn is on tv and we can watch it together to spice up our own sex life. Strip clubs are in person and for his own viewing pleasure when I could do that at home. And I'm sorry but there IS touching at some of them (eh em, lap dance anyone?). I would not be happy at all either because of the whole combination, spending money, only telling you bc you confronted him about it, and coming home wasted when you have kids at home. I would be especially pissed if he knows your feelings on strip clubs and still did it anyway. That's the most disrespectful part of it all in my book.

For my husband's bachelor party I told him I didn't care if they went to a strip club I would just be really hurt if he got some kind of private dance or if they ordered strippers to the hotel room. Well next thing I know I'm prying it out of him that he got a private dance. I was so hurt. When he saw how upset I was and understood why and he felt awful. Hope you can talk it out with your DH and hope he treats you extra special today!

Ugh. Few things less sexy then a man who can't stand up to his buddies and say "no thanks I've got something way better at home."

BreannaaaMarieee

AK118 said:

On a lighter note, isn't this the time when our husbands should be excited about the new, real, larger boobs at home? And they're free!

Cynthia1207

I don't care if he goes to a strip club. I know my husband wouldn't want them to touch him with a ten foot pole so usually he goes to have a drink, take a peek and spend time with his friends. He doesn't go very often either and he tells me about it, whether before or after.

I guess if I had a husband who enjoyed going it would be different but it's a non-issue in our relationship right now

BreannaaaMarieee

I wouldn't be as mad if he had told me he was going. If he didn't tell me and I had no idea where he was planning on spending the night drinking I would've been upset. We all get curious and we all wonder, we're human. If I stayed up that late wondering where he was, yes I'd be upset.

However, if he sent me a simple text saying where he was going, how he was getting home safe, and what time I should expect him to be home I'd be okay with that but that's just me. I've never been in this situation mind you so I'm not sure how I'd handle it, I'm just stating how I think I'd handle it.

P.s. If DH wants to pay to see boobs, uhhhh im right here hello? Have you not seen these things or what? They're also free to look at!

DougalMcG

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

kalanieileen

DougalMcG said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

I think I remember you posting wayyyy back when about how you were feeling upset because you were home alone and hubby was in England. If not then I totally just made that up in my mind.
Sorry to hear he lied about the strip club We are destined to be friends m'dear because I would go batshit crazy as well.

ETA: even my phone knows I don't like strip clubs. It autocorrected first to syrup club then when I tried to fix it, went to strip clue LOL

DougalMcG

kalanieileen said:

DougalMcG said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

I think I remember you posting wayyyy back when about how you were feeling upset because you were home alone and hubby was in England. If not then I totally just made that up in my mind.
Sorry to hear he lied about the strip club We are destined to be friends m'dear because I would go batshit crazy as well.

ETA: even my phone knows I don't like strip clubs. It autocorrected first to syrup club then when I tried to fix it, went to strip clue LOL

Haha. I'm all for syrup clubs!!

AmadorRose

DougalMcG said:

kalanieileen said:

DougalMcG said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

I think I remember you posting wayyyy back when about how you were feeling upset because you were home alone and hubby was in England. If not then I totally just made that up in my mind.
Sorry to hear he lied about the strip club We are destined to be friends m'dear because I would go batshit crazy as well.

ETA: even my phone knows I don't like strip clubs. It autocorrected first to syrup club then when I tried to fix it, went to strip clue LOL

Haha. I'm all for syrup clubs!!

I dunno...they'd be even more sticky than the real things!

misstopsail

AmadorRose said:

DougalMcG said:

kalanieileen said:

DougalMcG said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

I think I remember you posting wayyyy back when about how you were feeling upset because you were home alone and hubby was in England. If not then I totally just made that up in my mind.
Sorry to hear he lied about the strip club We are destined to be friends m'dear because I would go batshit crazy as well.

ETA: even my phone knows I don't like strip clubs. It autocorrected first to syrup club then when I tried to fix it, went to strip clue LOL

Haha. I'm all for syrup clubs!!

I dunno...they'd be even more sticky than the real things!

This may have moved sticky into the moist category for me!

elasticheart13

DougalMcG said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

I would have gone batshit about it as well, that is not okay in any way. Sorry to hear about it, hopefully you guys talked it out and he understood why you were hurt and upset. DH and I choose to be very honest and straight up with each other. That's why I don't really get upset about knowing he's going to a strip club with his friends because I know he will not be doing any touching etc (and honestly DH is really not into that stuff, he just tags along to watch his friends make fools of themselves and then comes home and tells me all about it).

spatter1

DougalMcG said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

Yeah fuck that. I would have lost my shit. I'm not saying you have to stop drinking and going out because I'm not doing those things but damn have a little respect. Especially in the first tri that's when you're feeling shitty and are still not in the "safe zone".

RoseShadow873

misstopsail said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

I think I remember you posting wayyyy back when about how you were feeling upset because you were home alone and hubby was in England. If not then I totally just made that up in my mind. Sorry to hear he lied about the strip club We are destined to be friends m'dear because I would go batshit crazy as well. ETA: even my phone knows I don't like strip clubs. It autocorrected first to syrup club then when I tried to fix it, went to strip clue LOL

Haha. I'm all for syrup clubs!!

I dunno...they'd be even more sticky than the real things!

This may have moved sticky into the moist category for me!

What's wrong with "moist?" What if it's in reference to cake?

Anyway, I would probably be made about this occurrence as well.

DougalMcG

AmadorRose said:

DougalMcG said:

kalanieileen said:

DougalMcG said:

You mean to say that you're mad your husband went behind your back to PAY to look at other women's tits when he has then for free at home? How shocking! (/sarcasm) For me it's about respect. If he knows how you feel about strip clubs and he still chooses to go, what does that say about his level of respect for your feelings? When I was 7 weeks pregnant and puking my guts out, my husband left me in England (with our daughter to take care of) and went on a lads holiday in Copenhagen. While there, they went to a strip club and lied to me about it. It's bad enough to lie to my non-pregnant self. How stupid do you have to be to lie to an excessively hormonal pregnant person?! I went absolutely batshit and told him if he did it again I was filing for divorce. And I was kind of serious! I'm flipping carrying your child. You damn well better show me some respect.

I think I remember you posting wayyyy back when about how you were feeling upset because you were home alone and hubby was in England. If not then I totally just made that up in my mind.
Sorry to hear he lied about the strip club We are destined to be friends m'dear because I would go batshit crazy as well.

ETA: even my phone knows I don't like strip clubs. It autocorrected first to syrup club then when I tried to fix it, went to strip clue LOL

Haha. I'm all for syrup clubs!!

I dunno...they'd be even more sticky than the real things!

Dead.

Motiejmr

My SO and I go together to strip clubs when I'm obviously not pregnant. He had been without me when I was not pregnant, never has he even attempted to go with me being pregnant. I think if he told me in advance and it was for a party I would be like sure whatever, but if I found a pile of singles the next morning I wouldn't be pleased to say the least. I'm a little more irrational when pregnant so I think he knows it wouldn't be wise in the first place.

I would just let him know next time to please give you a heads up unless there is an underlying issue on why you don't want him there.

loveymay

Strip clubs are not okay in my book. I understand that other people have no issue with them. To each their own I suppose. My husband is not the type of man that needs to ogle at naked women and neither are his friends. I personally feel that it is disrespectful to the wife, and vice versa if the wife went to a male strip club. 

 If your husband didnt know how you felt about strip clubs and this was the first time he did this, yeah I'd be pissed because this is not something you do without talking to your wife. A strip club is not the same as going to the movies or anything. If he did know how you feel about it, you absolutely have every right to be pissed. You should definitely talk to him and let him know how you feel about it, that you are not okay with it, and that it cannot be a part of the relationship.

myndihallberg

I would be so pissed too. I don't like strip clubs and I wouldn't like for my husband to go to one. Especially right now when I feel like a cow and a mess. I know how you're feeling, why would he go watch someone strip? Is he not happy with how I look?? Those are thoughts that would run through my head. Luckily my husband isn't into strip clubs either...

crichb

Thanks for all the input ladies. Yes I am ok with bachelor party situations (well not ok, but accepting), but we have discussed how not ok I am with regular visits, especially when not discussed beforehand. I am still furious about his poor decision making and he will likely not be getting any action from me anytime soon, but we do have a child to raise so life moves on....

MamaRoni

Ok so.... just to chime in.. I obviously have like ZERO SELF ESTEEM. Like I've never been ok with porn mags.. movies or strip clubs. Even the nasty girls make me look at myself in disgust. My hubby tries to assure me often that I'm beautiful but with a body that's on boy #5 (including a set of twins)... my middle is thick even when not preggo but my boobs (way too big) have nursed babies for a combined almost 60 months... drag low. SO..... yes I'd be pissed and hurt.

But like others... how did he get home and does he know how u feel about it. One thing I've finally accepted is sometimes.... we think they know how we feel when they don't ; (

Sorry this happened!

AmadorRose

MamaRoni said:

Ok so.... just to chime in.. I obviously have like ZERO SELF ESTEEM. Like I've never been ok with porn mags.. movies or strip clubs. Even the nasty girls make me look at myself in disgust. My hubby tries to assure me often that I'm beautiful but with a body that's on boy #5 (including a set of twins)... my middle is thick even when not preggo but my boobs (way too big) have nursed babies for a combined almost 60 months... drag low. SO..... yes I'd be pissed and hurt.

But like others... how did he get home and does he know how u feel about it. One thing I've finally accepted is sometimes.... we think they know how we feel when they don't ; (

Sorry this happened!

If you're pregnant with your 5th, your husband knows you've still got it

MamaRoni

@AmadorRose ... I guess there is some truth to that

mrspumpkinfields

I would be upset and angry beyond belief. We are pretty religious and also we don't have any strip clubs in our state, but the thought of my DH going somewhere like that makes my blood boil. I find it very disrespectful. Maybe I'm a prude, maybe I'm sensitive pregnant woman, but I think your feelings are understandable and I wish you luck in working it out with him. Not saying this makes it ok at ALL, but if he was out with drunk friends maybe he knew it was wrong and just got swept up in a "pack mentality" of sorts.