@Nikid27 I don't think it's a matter of who is right or wrong. Don't feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone! OR get permission from others on what is "acceptable" according to them. I think you are just trying to have fun and get support from other moms. After all, this is one of the main reasons a community board exists. Keep posting what you like (as long as it's not offensive). By no means what you posted was near offensive. I do agree that maybe some people are just hormonal and sensitive. I hope they find comfort in their second trimester.
Every time I read this, I laugh.
No one said OP couldn't post, no one said she needed permission, no one said anything about being right or wrong. OP said she was the one being hormonal and sensitive.
Well, to be fair, someone did say, "this isn't the forum to be asking questions like this." I think that and any other similar comments inspired these thoughts.
@Nikid27 I don't think it's a matter of who is right or wrong. Don't feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone! OR get permission from others on what is "acceptable" according to them. I think you are just trying to have fun and get support from other moms. After all, this is one of the main reasons a community board exists. Keep posting what you like (as long as it's not offensive). By no means what you posted was near offensive. I do agree that maybe some people are just hormonal and sensitive. I hope they find comfort in their second trimester.
Every time I read this, I laugh.
No one said OP couldn't post, no one said she needed permission, no one said anything about being right or wrong. OP said she was the one being hormonal and sensitive.
Well, to be fair, someone did say, "this isn't the forum to be asking questions like this." I think that and any other similar comments inspired these thoughts.
Agreed. We seem to have a lot of people saying "it isn't this type of forum"...who gets to decide what type of forum it is? There are a lot of comments like this "well if you did your research, you would know we don't like to discuss (insert subject) on this site"! Lol....
@Nikid27 I don't think it's a matter of who is right or wrong. Don't feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone! OR get permission from others on what is "acceptable" according to them. I think you are just trying to have fun and get support from other moms. After all, this is one of the main reasons a community board exists. Keep posting what you like (as long as it's not offensive). By no means what you posted was near offensive. I do agree that maybe some people are just hormonal and sensitive. I hope they find comfort in their second trimester.
Every time I read this, I laugh.
No one said OP couldn't post, no one said she needed permission, no one said anything about being right or wrong. OP said she was the one being hormonal and sensitive.
Well, to be fair, someone did say, "this isn't the forum to be asking questions like this." I think that and any other similar comments inspired these thoughts.
Agreed. We seem to have a lot of people saying "it isn't this type of forum"...who gets to decide what type of forum it is? There are a lot of comments like this "well if you did your research, you would know we don't like to discuss (insert subject) on this site"! Lol....
Honestly, take a look at the trimester boards, the trying to get pregnant board and the other birth month boards. That's what type of forum this is. Babycenter tends to be more everyone has to support everyone and old wives tales are totally legit, the bump tends to be more blunt and science driven. Many of the regular contributers on this board started over on TTGP, so we expect a similar culture, many on here have been on previous BMBs and I would think they expect the same. No one is deciding what type of forum it is, we just expect this BMB to be like the rest of the site. Is that too much of a stretch?
I haven't participated on this thread at all so far because I have nothing useful to add. A little off topic, but I'm just going to throw this out there...
1. I feel like this thread is a broken record of several others I've seen.
2. Several of you who are all gung ho about "being able to post whatever we want" rarely, if ever, participate in the daily threads we have. At least I haven't seen it much. If you do, you would see the plethora of support and camaraderie there is. Instead, you create your own about something completely random - which is fine, but doing that when nobody really knows you yet? You can't get support if you don't give it. Those daily threads are also a great place to get to know each other and the community a little better. Give it a try sometime maybe.
I haven't participated on this thread at all so far because I have nothing useful to add. A little off topic, but I'm just going to throw this out there...
1. I feel like this thread is a broken record of several others I've seen.
2. Several of you who are all gung ho about "being able to post whatever we want" rarely, if ever, participate in the daily threads we have. At least I haven't seen it much. If you do, you would see the plethora of support and camaraderie there is. Instead, you create your own about something completely random - which is fine, but doing that when nobody really knows you yet? You can't get support if you don't give it. Those daily threads are also a great place to get to know each other and the community a little better. Give it a try sometime maybe.
More rules....sigh. I don't think the daily threads you start should be compulsory. I lot of ladies shares thoughts and support in various different threads as I have done. Apologies, if this hasn't been in the daily threads.
I haven't participated on this thread at all so far because I have nothing useful to add. A little off topic, but I'm just going to throw this out there...
1. I feel like this thread is a broken record of several others I've seen.
2. Several of you who are all gung ho about "being able to post whatever we want" rarely, if ever, participate in the daily threads we have. At least I haven't seen it much. If you do, you would see the plethora of support and camaraderie there is. Instead, you create your own about something completely random - which is fine, but doing that when nobody really knows you yet? You can't get support if you don't give it. Those daily threads are also a great place to get to know each other and the community a little better. Give it a try sometime maybe.
More rules....sigh. I don't think the daily threads you start should be compulsory. I lot of ladies shares thoughts and support in various different threads as I have done. Apologies, if this hasn't been in the daily threads.
Who said it was a rule? It was a friendly suggestion. If you want to participate in a community and find some common ground with the other members, why not do it where the majority contribute? Whatever floats your boat. It was merely a suggestion.
I haven't participated on this thread at all so far because I have nothing useful to add. A little off topic, but I'm just going to throw this out there...
1. I feel like this thread is a broken record of several others I've seen.
2. Several of you who are all gung ho about "being able to post whatever we want" rarely, if ever, participate in the daily threads we have. At least I haven't seen it much. If you do, you would see the plethora of support and camaraderie there is. Instead, you create your own about something completely random - which is fine, but doing that when nobody really knows you yet? You can't get support if you don't give it. Those daily threads are also a great place to get to know each other and the community a little better. Give it a try sometime maybe.
More rules....sigh. I don't think the daily threads you start should be compulsory. I lot of ladies shares thoughts and support in various different threads as I have done. Apologies, if this hasn't been in the daily threads.
Who said it was a rule? It was a friendly suggestion. If you want to participate in a community and find some common ground with the other members, why not do it where the majority contribute? Whatever floats your boat. It was merely a suggestion.
Yes, this conversation, nearly verbatim, has gone on almost daily this entire month and we are as tired of it as you.
1) I went to the first trimester board, once. It was nasty so I didn't go back. Had already heard about it from other IFers, but couldn't believe it. That is not the rubric/standard for the Bump. Want to see science AND support? Check out the IF board. That's a community. Here, we are two halves of a community, but it's the first trimester and there are a ton of us--growing pains and diversity are ok. Suggesting that people need to conform to your prior board or your preferences for this new community or leave/not post is not.
2) I don't like daily threads. I don't ruin them for others, I just don't post. I do post everyday and respond to all who post questions if I can offer support or accurate information or sympathy, or that haven't been answered adequately by others already. More than that, I have discussions with people on this board that are enjoyable where we post back and forth rather than making lists of our individual aspects on a specific topic. But, no, I don't want to bitch on Mondays and complain on y days, or wear pink on Wednesdays. And that doesn't make me, or anyone else, a second class member of this board.
3) Want a thread to disappear-- DON'T comment. I've never had to pin a conversation to make it last. Or tell others to go post on my threads instead of making their own. If you want people to join a thread- quick tip: be interesting, be interested, and be supportive. It's that simple. Why would I want to go where you are telling me to when you are unpleasant? I started a thread during my IVF cycle and never once suggested that others should post there instead of asking one off question or starting their own threads. That thread has over 2.2k posts. When you can get that kind of universal involvement in anything, go ahead and feel like a community leader. Till then, can we please agree to try not being divisive for one week and see what happens?
Yes, this conversation, nearly verbatim, has gone on almost daily this entire month and we are as tired of it as you.
1) I went to the first trimester board, once. It was nasty so I didn't go back. Had already heard about it from other IFers, but couldn't believe it. That is not the rubric/standard for the Bump. Want to see science AND support? Check out the IF board. That's a community. Here, we are two halves of a community, but it's the first trimester and there are a ton of us--growing pains and diversity are ok. Suggesting that people need to conform to your prior board or your preferences for this new community or leave/not post is not.
2) I don't like daily threads. I don't ruin them for others, I just don't post. I do post everyday and respond to all who post questions if I can offer support or accurate information or sympathy, or that haven't been answered adequately by others already. More than that, I have discussions with people on this board that are enjoyable where we post back and forth rather than making lists of our individual aspects on a specific topic. But, no, I don't want to bitch on Mondays and complain on y days, or wear pink on Wednesdays. And that doesn't make me, or anyone else, a second class member of this board.
3) Want a thread to disappear-- DON'T comment. I've never had to pin a conversation to make it last. Or tell others to go post on my threads instead of making their own. If you want people to join a thread- quick tip: be interesting, be interested, and be supportive. It's that simple. Why would I want to go where you are telling me to when you are unpleasant? I started a thread during my IVF cycle and never once suggested that others should post there instead of asking one off question or starting their own threads. That thread has over 2.2k posts. When you can get that kind of universal involvement in anything, go ahead and feel like a community leader. Till then, can we please agree to try not being divisive for one week and see what happens?
You are my kind of gal. :-) Positive, upbeat and full of great advice! Congrats on your IVF sucess. We had just called the clinic to be referred for IVF the week we found out we were pregnant so we're very fortunate to not have to have gone through the process (it can be a long old road from what I have heard). My best friend is about to start in IVF in the new year! Is this your first?
@Atlast111 Thanks, I've really appreciated your approach too, I think it adds a lot of value. How wonderful for your timing! Your miracle couldn't wait.
This is our very first pregnancy. Very first IVF cycle (we'd done two IUIs prior but were given male and female infertility Dx so it was straight on to IVF. We were very very lucky, both in our miracle LO and in the support we received from family, friends, and the especially the IF groups. It made the experience more awe inspiring and laugh-ridden, rather than brutal. if your best friend is about to start IVF, the IF board has some really active gals starting at the same time she can share the experience with!
@HBamama2B That's fantastic that you had sucess with first IVF. We are expecting our first too! We tried for 18 months, nothing compared to other women but just long enough to start getting nervous! Just really happy to be here. I will definitely tell her about the board, she has been trying 3 years so it has been tough for her.
@Atlast111 no need to qualify and so happy for you! 18 months is very hard! (Ive learned that so is 3 yrs or 3mths when we are concerned something isn't right.) I'm excited for your friend! The odds are so much higher with IVF each cycle of finally seeing the BFP. DH and I flipped a coin to see the odds and it made us feel so much better. I'll keep my FX for them!
Yes, this conversation, nearly verbatim, has gone on almost daily this entire month and we are as tired of it as you.
1) I went to the first trimester board, once. It was nasty so I didn't go back. Had already heard about it from other IFers, but couldn't believe it. That is not the rubric/standard for the Bump. Want to see science AND support? Check out the IF board. That's a community. Here, we are two halves of a community, but it's the first trimester and there are a ton of us--growing pains and diversity are ok. Suggesting that people need to conform to your prior board or your preferences for this new community or leave/not post is not.
2) I don't like daily threads. I don't ruin them for others, I just don't post. I do post everyday and respond to all who post questions if I can offer support or accurate information or sympathy, or that haven't been answered adequately by others already. More than that, I have discussions with people on this board that are enjoyable where we post back and forth rather than making lists of our individual aspects on a specific topic. But, no, I don't want to bitch on Mondays and complain on y days, or wear pink on Wednesdays. And that doesn't make me, or anyone else, a second class member of this board.
3) Want a thread to disappear-- DON'T comment. I've never had to pin a conversation to make it last. Or tell others to go post on my threads instead of making their own. If you want people to join a thread- quick tip: be interesting, be interested, and be supportive. It's that simple. Why would I want to go where you are telling me to when you are unpleasant? I started a thread during my IVF cycle and never once suggested that others should post there instead of asking one off question or starting their own threads. That thread has over 2.2k posts. When you can get that kind of universal involvement in anything, go ahead and feel like a community leader. Till then, can we please agree to try not being divisive for one week and see what happens?
I agree with all of this. I was part of the TTTC board and it was nothing like some of the boards that women are trying to push on others here.
When there were drive by pregnancies, they were ignored.
When someone said something off the wall, no one batted an eye.
Makes you wonder why the IF boards are so different than others that people want to mold this BMB to. I take that to mean that there isn't a set tone to the bump as a whole, and we will naturally go to the boards that appeal to us. Maybe there should be a snark based BMB and a more laid back one where wives tales aren't devil talk and are simply light hearted fun. There are too many individuals here for it to simply mold to one person's desire.
Yes, this conversation, nearly verbatim, has gone on almost daily this entire month and we are as tired of it as you.
1) I went to the first trimester board, once. It was nasty so I didn't go back. Had already heard about it from other IFers, but couldn't believe it. That is not the rubric/standard for the Bump. Want to see science AND support? Check out the IF board. That's a community. Here, we are two halves of a community, but it's the first trimester and there are a ton of us--growing pains and diversity are ok. Suggesting that people need to conform to your prior board or your preferences for this new community or leave/not post is not.
2) I don't like daily threads. I don't ruin them for others, I just don't post. I do post everyday and respond to all who post questions if I can offer support or accurate information or sympathy, or that haven't been answered adequately by others already. More than that, I have discussions with people on this board that are enjoyable where we post back and forth rather than making lists of our individual aspects on a specific topic. But, no, I don't want to bitch on Mondays and complain on y days, or wear pink on Wednesdays. And that doesn't make me, or anyone else, a second class member of this board.
3) Want a thread to disappear-- DON'T comment. I've never had to pin a conversation to make it last. Or tell others to go post on my threads instead of making their own. If you want people to join a thread- quick tip: be interesting, be interested, and be supportive. It's that simple. Why would I want to go where you are telling me to when you are unpleasant? I started a thread during my IVF cycle and never once suggested that others should post there instead of asking one off question or starting their own threads. That thread has over 2.2k posts. When you can get that kind of universal involvement in anything, go ahead and feel like a community leader. Till then, can we please agree to try not being divisive for one week and see what happens?
Impressive speech; I'm with you. And congrats on your IVF success!
I would like to clear the air, but afraid I will be scrutinized doing so! I don't care anymore. Honestly, this was my first encounter with a pretty active debate on pseudoscience and what the Bump's apparent "mission statement" is. I put that in quotes because I don't want that term dissected to the nth degree! I was merely sticking up for someone who had to explain herself and apologize for sharing with a bunch of strangers.
I enjoyed this community and all of the women who post real experiences in real time. Personally, I do not have a ton of family to lean on. I look forward to these online support communities. I had NO idea that it is so closely monitored by everyday people who know exactly who post, how often, and are they posting enough support. (Yikes! How do you have the time and energy for that?!) Frankly, I think that is way too subjective for you to judge. I thought you posted to what thread interests you?guess not. I whole heartedly agree to support and validate others along the way too!
I guess the reason I post is, can somebody please tell me what this community is all about? Maybe this isn't a good fit. If not, can you guide me to a place that isn't judgmental and doesn't come with a handbook? I work full-time. I work hard to maintain a personal, professional, and social life. And guess what? Now I am a first time mom! I know there are many others out there who can relate! The last thing I want to do is be examined with a fine tooth comb. Ps. I am speaking only with good intentions. Please avoid snarky remarks. Be kind.
@eyelinek check out babycenter. I've really enjoyed them. There are still super snarky girls on there, but no one is policing the threads to try to set a certain tone. It's a mixed bag, but it works. There's also a lot of super silly stuff that is entertaining that wouldn't happen here because people are so set with what can/can't be posted. Like they just had a weed post and instead of snark, the girl straight up got reamed which was more real life. I'd smack a girlfriend upside the head for smoking weed while pregnant instead of side eye her and say snarky things.
I would like to clear the air, but afraid I will be scrutinized doing so! I don't care anymore. Honestly, this was my first encounter with a pretty active debate on pseudoscience and what the Bump's apparent "mission statement" is. I put that in quotes because I don't want that term dissected to the nth degree! I was merely sticking up for someone who had to explain herself and apologize for sharing with a bunch of strangers.
I enjoyed this community and all of the women who post real experiences in real time. Personally, I do not have a ton of family to lean on. I look forward to these online support communities. I had NO idea that it is so closely monitored by everyday people who know exactly who post, how often, and are they posting enough support. (Yikes! How do you have the time and energy for that?!) Frankly, I think that is way too subjective for you to judge. I thought you posted to what thread interests you?guess not. I whole heartedly agree to support and validate others along the way too!
I guess the reason I post is, can somebody please tell me what this community is all about? Maybe this isn't a good fit. If not, can you guide me to a place that isn't judgmental and doesn't come with a handbook? I work full-time. I work hard to maintain a personal, professional, and social life. And guess what? Now I am a first time mom! I know there are many others out there who can relate! The last thing I want to do is be examined with a fine tooth comb. Ps. I am speaking only with good intentions. Please avoid snarky remarks. Be kind.
Help? Suggestions?
This is a newly formed group and you are welcome here! There is only a small group on here who are "difficult", don't let them force you to leave. I for one don't monitor what people say and I'm sure most of the women don't. There are lots of lovely ladies on here both first time and experienced mums! You can post wherever you like on here . First time mum here too!
@eyelinek I hear you! Ain't nobody got time for that! I say participate as you like and don't stress. It's early and this board is still growing, I think everyone means well and it will sort itself out over the next week or so. Please stay!
@CopperLane I read a post about that early, I think on the first tri board here? But they were apparently legitimately debating the use of pot during pregnancy. First time I really wanted to B-slap a bunch of pregnant women. If I saw 'natural' as an excuse one more time! The amount of natural things that can kill you and your LO...smh. I had to walk on. Lol.
@HBamama2B yeah, I saw the one here. I feel like the demographic is so widespread on baby center that you get these super over the top posts that we just don't see here. It's amazing. Overall, the women seem much more educated and intelligent here. A lot less cheating too.
@HBamama2B yeah, I saw the one here. I feel like the demographic is so widespread on baby center that you get these super over the top posts that we just don't see here. It's amazing. Overall, the women seem much more educated and intelligent here. A lot less cheating too.
Cheating? Like, infidelity?
My first son was born in 2007. My babycenter Sept 2007 BMB is still a super tight knit group. It was more diverse, I think. There are many people in the group that annoy me, but there are also a lot of ladies whom I love and am so happy I met. And they're smart and incredibly informed. I sort of participated on my Aug13 bmb here but never got super integrated. I wouldn't say that group of ladies was any more "science savvy' than my babycenter group, though.
@HBamama2B yeah, I saw the one here. I feel like the demographic is so widespread on baby center that you get these super over the top posts that we just don't see here. It's amazing. Overall, the women seem much more educated and intelligent here. A lot less cheating too.
Cheating? Like, infidelity?
My first son was born in 2007. My babycenter Sept 2007 BMB is still a super tight knit group. It was more diverse, I think. There are many people in the group that annoy me, but there are also a lot of ladies whom I love and am so happy I met. And they're smart and incredibly informed. I sort of participated on my Aug13 bmb here but never got super integrated. I wouldn't say that group of ladies was any more "science savvy' than my babycenter group, though.
QBF
Yes, like infidelity. There have also been a few super young moms, there's a post recently about a 16 year old who decided she wanted a baby. I haven't seen that or infidelity here. That's not to say that everyone on baby center is in a pickle, a lot of them are really smart and fun to participate with. It's so interesting how different the June board is between each site!
@HBamama2B yeah, I saw the one here. I feel like the demographic is so widespread on baby center that you get these super over the top posts that we just don't see here. It's amazing. Overall, the women seem much more educated and intelligent here. A lot less cheating too.
Cheating? Like, infidelity?
My first son was born in 2007. My babycenter Sept 2007 BMB is still a super tight knit group. It was more diverse, I think. There are many people in the group that annoy me, but there are also a lot of ladies whom I love and am so happy I met. And they're smart and incredibly informed. I sort of participated on my Aug13 bmb here but never got super integrated. I wouldn't say that group of ladies was any more "science savvy' than my babycenter group, though.
QBF
Yes, like infidelity. There have also been a few super young moms, there's a post recently about a 16 year old who decided she wanted a baby. I haven't seen that or infidelity here. That's not to say that everyone on baby center is in a pickle, a lot of them are really smart and fun to participate with. It's so interesting how different the June board is between each site!
Oh. lol. I don't know why, that just kind of makes me laugh. I think babycenter is oftentimes just the first site that comes up when you google anything baby related, so that's my explanation for why they get a lot of weirdos.
I would like to clear the air, but afraid I will be scrutinized doing so! I don't care anymore. Honestly, this was my first encounter with a pretty active debate on pseudoscience and what the Bump's apparent "mission statement" is. I put that in quotes because I don't want that term dissected to the nth degree! I was merely sticking up for someone who had to explain herself and apologize for sharing with a bunch of strangers.
I enjoyed this community and all of the women who post real experiences in real time. Personally, I do not have a ton of family to lean on. I look forward to these online support communities. I had NO idea that it is so closely monitored by everyday people who know exactly who post, how often, and are they posting enough support. (Yikes! How do you have the time and energy for that?!) Frankly, I think that is way too subjective for you to judge. I thought you posted to what thread interests you?guess not. I whole heartedly agree to support and validate others along the way too!
I guess the reason I post is, can somebody please tell me what this community is all about? Maybe this isn't a good fit. If not, can you guide me to a place that isn't judgmental and doesn't come with a handbook? I work full-time. I work hard to maintain a personal, professional, and social life. And guess what? Now I am a first time mom! I know there are many others out there who can relate! The last thing I want to do is be examined with a fine tooth comb. Ps. I am speaking only with good intentions. Please avoid snarky remarks. Be kind.
Help? Suggestions?
I don't have suggestions but wanted to say I'm in your boat, too Let me know if you find a community that seems less "policed." I also don't have time to always post in the everyday threads, but still want to find a community where I can post on the ones that interest me or the ones I can lend advice to. I was actually going to post a new discussion thread yesterday about a question I have, but stopped myself over worry of being scruntinized or "flamed." I live 12 hours away from family and friends, so find myself going to forums for advice and comfort. Again - let me know what you find!
Married July 2014 DD born June 2016 Second due August 2020 (team green!)
I would like to clear the air, but afraid I will be scrutinized doing so! I don't care anymore. Honestly, this was my first encounter with a pretty active debate on pseudoscience and what the Bump's apparent "mission statement" is. I put that in quotes because I don't want that term dissected to the nth degree! I was merely sticking up for someone who had to explain herself and apologize for sharing with a bunch of strangers.
I enjoyed this community and all of the women who post real experiences in real time. Personally, I do not have a ton of family to lean on. I look forward to these online support communities. I had NO idea that it is so closely monitored by everyday people who know exactly who post, how often, and are they posting enough support. (Yikes! How do you have the time and energy for that?!) Frankly, I think that is way too subjective for you to judge. I thought you posted to what thread interests you?guess not. I whole heartedly agree to support and validate others along the way too!
I guess the reason I post is, can somebody please tell me what this community is all about? Maybe this isn't a good fit. If not, can you guide me to a place that isn't judgmental and doesn't come with a handbook? I work full-time. I work hard to maintain a personal, professional, and social life. And guess what? Now I am a first time mom! I know there are many others out there who can relate! The last thing I want to do is be examined with a fine tooth comb.
Ps. I am speaking only with good intentions. Please avoid snarky remarks. Be kind.
Help? Suggestions?
I don't have suggestions but wanted to say I'm in your boat, too Let me know if you find a community that seems less "policed." I also don't have time to always post in the everyday threads, but still want to find a community where I can post on the ones that interest me or the ones I can lend advice to. I was actually going to post a new discussion thread yesterday about a question I have, but stopped myself over worry of being scruntinized or "flamed." I live 12 hours away from family and friends, so find myself going to forums for advice and comfort. Again - let me know what you find!
@CourtJack My question was related to "having a frame for vaginal birth." I am planning on having a natural birth, but people at work and family members keep saying things like "You're way too small-framed. You will have to have a C-Section." Even before I was pregnant people would tell me I didn't have "the frame" for a vaginal birth. This has all been unsolicited by me, which is really annoying. Anyway, I've had a few people say these things to me and tell me I should talk to my doctor about this. Is this really necesarry?? Small framed women give birth vaginally all the time (right?!?). I don't want to put the idea of a C-Section into my doc's head as I've recently read that she has a high C-Section rate already. I'm actually looking to switch to a midwife pending insurance approval.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that these people are over-reacting and this isn't something I should be worrying about right now. I find it annoying that one of the first things people say when they find out I'm pregnant is "you'll have to have a C-Section, right?" Ummm step off! Haha
Married July 2014 DD born June 2016 Second due August 2020 (team green!)
@samsonator, That is crazy that it's the first thing people are saying to you! People are so inappropriate! I've never heard of having to have a particular build and I think many women experience hip widening during their pregnancies.
@samsonator my mom is as tiny as I am. Rail thin with narrow hips. It's part of the reason I'm showing. She had 4 babies ranging from 9.2 to over 10 pounds, no epidural and no severe episiotomy.
@CourtJack My question was related to "having a frame for vaginal birth." I am planning on having a natural birth, but people at work and family members keep saying things like "You're way too small-framed. You will have to have a C-Section." Even before I was pregnant people would tell me I didn't have "the frame" for a vaginal birth. This has all been unsolicited by me, which is really annoying. Anyway, I've had a few people say these things to me and tell me I should talk to my doctor about this. Is this really necesarry?? Small framed women give birth vaginally all the time (right?!?). I don't want to put the idea of a C-Section into my doc's head as I've recently read that she has a high C-Section rate already. I'm actually looking to switch to a midwife pending insurance approval.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that these people are over-reacting and this isn't something I should be worrying about right now. I find it annoying that one of the first things people say when they find out I'm pregnant is "you'll have to have a C-Section, right?" Ummm step off! Haha
Argh! That's infuriating!!! So because you have a small frame you're incapable of giving birth vaginally?! You are absolutely right in thinking these people are over-reacting and over-stepping also. I'd suggest asking them to stop talking about what your body is and isn't capable of. I'd be upset by this too.
@samsonator I've had people tell me this too. Hell, my own SIL told me I'd miscarry because I'm too skinny to be pregnant (I'd like to go forever without telling her I'm happily pregnant with a healthy little bub). Others are so quick to judge what a woman's body is capable of based on her appearance, and I'm sure some of this stems from their own body image issues (as the case with SIL, she refused to gain weight while pregnant and it caused issues). There is a thread in the birth stories group where petite women talk about having natural deliveries, I recommend checking it out. You'll feel a lot better when you do. I'd link it but have no clue how to do that with the app.
You shouldn't worry about what they are telling you. Our bodies know what to do, and while some babies are too big, it's not common and there are often other factors in play that aren't based on the mom being too small to deliver (at least from what I've read).
Thanks ladies! I was starting to think I was the crazy one in denial! Especially after you hear something over and over.
@CopperLane I'll check out that thread! Didn't know it existed
It's a great question! Don't see any reason why you should have problems my MIL is very slim but births 10 pound babies lol. It's just like people telling my mum she wouldn't make much milk because she had small breasts! Lol...what idiots. We all know boobs size has nothing to do with it...
@CourtJack My question was related to "having a frame for vaginal birth." I am planning on having a natural birth, but people at work and family members keep saying things like "You're way too small-framed. You will have to have a C-Section." Even before I was pregnant people would tell me I didn't have "the frame" for a vaginal birth. This has all been unsolicited by me, which is really annoying. Anyway, I've had a few people say these things to me and tell me I should talk to my doctor about this. Is this really necesarry?? Small framed women give birth vaginally all the time (right?!?). I don't want to put the idea of a C-Section into my doc's head as I've recently read that she has a high C-Section rate already. I'm actually looking to switch to a midwife pending insurance approval.
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that these people are over-reacting and this isn't something I should be worrying about right now. I find it annoying that one of the first things people say when they find out I'm pregnant is "you'll have to have a C-Section, right?" Ummm step off! Haha
Argh! That's infuriating!!! So because you have a small frame you're incapable of giving birth vaginally?! You are absolutely right in thinking these people are over-reacting and over-stepping also. I'd suggest asking them to stop talking about what your body is and isn't capable of. I'd be upset by this too.
----Edited for QBF------ Oh man, me too! @samsonator , how do you even respond to that???
@samsonator that makes me crazy that people say that to you. Think of it this way, before people did C-sections what did women who had "small hips/frame" do to have their babies? Certainly they all didn't die because they couldn't push a baby out right? This is one of those fear mongering things that gets passed around and pushes women into medical procedures that aren't necessary. Your body knows what it can and can't handle. The odds of it making a baby that won't fit through your birth canal is are very slim. I owuldn't even mention it o your doctor at all.
@samsonator - there is definitely something formally named for a frame that is too small. It's called cephalopelvic disproportion. But I am 5'9" and have it. It is associated with the skeleton frame, and is more common in smaller people than taller people just due to anatomy. I ended up with a c section with my first, and my OB already requested I go RCS this time too. However, even before I went into labor, she was able to predict this from cervix checks. She could "feel" how tight my frame was. Something curved in rather than going straight down.
The fact anyone says anything to you blows my mind. People can be so rude and I am sorry.
@samsonator that's funny you asked about frame in relation to child birth. I seen my OB today, and asked that very question. She explained to me narrow hips = deeper pelvis (front to back). A deeper pelvis is better for delivery. The OB said in all of her years of experience, she sees alot of small frame women deliver the biggest babies. Does that mean "child-bearing hips" is just a myth? :0
@eyelink Oh man I hope not, otherwise there isn't any joy at all in my own large child bearing hips! Haha. I'm envious of all you skinny minnies here.
But @samsonator that's crazy that people are giving you unsolicited advice. I am sure if this is a legitimate concern that your doctor has that they will bring it up on their own. I certainly wouldn't mention it to them. And I would tell all those nosy people to go suck a duck, frankly.
Re: The nub theory
Well, to be fair, someone did say, "this isn't the forum to be asking questions like this." I think that and any other similar comments inspired these thoughts.
Agreed. We seem to have a lot of people saying "it isn't this type of forum"...who gets to decide what type of forum it is? There are a lot of comments like this "well if you did your research, you would know we don't like to discuss (insert subject) on this site"! Lol....
Honestly, take a look at the trimester boards, the trying to get pregnant board and the other birth month boards. That's what type of forum this is. Babycenter tends to be more everyone has to support everyone and old wives tales are totally legit, the bump tends to be more blunt and science driven. Many of the regular contributers on this board started over on TTGP, so we expect a similar culture, many on here have been on previous BMBs and I would think they expect the same. No one is deciding what type of forum it is, we just expect this BMB to be like the rest of the site. Is that too much of a stretch?
1. I feel like this thread is a broken record of several others I've seen.
2. Several of you who are all gung ho about "being able to post whatever we want" rarely, if ever, participate in the daily threads we have. At least I haven't seen it much. If you do, you would see the plethora of support and camaraderie there is. Instead, you create your own about something completely random - which is fine, but doing that when nobody really knows you yet? You can't get support if you don't give it. Those daily threads are also a great place to get to know each other and the community a little better. Give it a try sometime maybe.
I simply post on threads I find interesting.
1) I went to the first trimester board, once. It was nasty so I didn't go back. Had already heard about it from other IFers, but couldn't believe it. That is not the rubric/standard for the Bump. Want to see science AND support? Check out the IF board. That's a community. Here, we are two halves of a community, but it's the first trimester and there are a ton of us--growing pains and diversity are ok. Suggesting that people need to conform to your prior board or your preferences for this new community or leave/not post is not.
2) I don't like daily threads. I don't ruin them for others, I just don't post. I do post everyday and respond to all who post questions if I can offer support or accurate information or sympathy, or that haven't been answered adequately by others already. More than that, I have discussions with people on this board that are enjoyable where we post back and forth rather than making lists of our individual aspects on a specific topic. But, no, I don't want to bitch on Mondays and complain on y days, or wear pink on Wednesdays. And that doesn't make me, or anyone else, a second class member of this board.
3) Want a thread to disappear-- DON'T comment. I've never had to pin a conversation to make it last. Or tell others to go post on my threads instead of making their own. If you want people to join a thread- quick tip: be interesting, be interested, and be supportive. It's that simple. Why would I want to go where you are telling me to when you are unpleasant? I started a thread during my IVF cycle and never once suggested that others should post there instead of asking one off question or starting their own threads. That thread has over 2.2k posts. When you can get that kind of universal involvement in anything, go ahead and feel like a community leader. Till then, can we please agree to try not being divisive for one week and see what happens?
This is our very first pregnancy. Very first IVF cycle (we'd done two IUIs prior but were given male and female infertility Dx so it was straight on to IVF. We were very very lucky, both in our miracle LO and in the support we received from family, friends, and the especially the IF groups. It made the experience more awe inspiring and laugh-ridden, rather than brutal. if your best friend is about to start IVF, the IF board has some really active gals starting at the same time she can share the experience with!
When there were drive by pregnancies, they were ignored.
When someone said something off the wall, no one batted an eye.
Makes you wonder why the IF boards are so different than others that people want to mold this BMB to. I take that to mean that there isn't a set tone to the bump as a whole, and we will naturally go to the boards that appeal to us. Maybe there should be a snark based BMB and a more laid back one where wives tales aren't devil talk and are simply light hearted fun. There are too many individuals here for it to simply mold to one person's desire.
I enjoyed this community and all of the women who post real experiences in real time. Personally, I do not have a ton of family to lean on. I look forward to these online support communities. I had NO idea that it is so closely monitored by everyday people who know exactly who post, how often, and are they posting enough support. (Yikes! How do you have the time and energy for that?!) Frankly, I think that is way too subjective for you to judge. I thought you posted to what thread interests you?guess not. I whole heartedly agree to support and validate others along the way too!
I guess the reason I post is, can somebody please tell me what this community is all about? Maybe this isn't a good fit. If not, can you guide me to a place that isn't judgmental and doesn't come with a handbook? I work full-time. I work hard to maintain a personal, professional, and social life. And guess what? Now I am a first time mom! I know there are many others out there who can relate! The last thing I want to do is be examined with a fine tooth comb.
Ps. I am speaking only with good intentions. Please avoid snarky remarks. Be kind.
Help? Suggestions?
@CopperLane I read a post about that early, I think on the first tri board here? But they were apparently legitimately debating the use of pot during pregnancy. First time I really wanted to B-slap a bunch of pregnant women. If I saw 'natural' as an excuse one more time! The amount of natural things that can kill you and your LO...smh. I had to walk on. Lol.
I don't participate on baby center, but have seen some real gems! My favorite tho is the 65 yr old jerry springer mom. https://community.babycenter.com/post/a59918761/update_for_those_who_remember
Cheating? Like, infidelity?
My first son was born in 2007. My babycenter Sept 2007 BMB is still a super tight knit group. It was more diverse, I think. There are many people in the group that annoy me, but there are also a lot of ladies whom I love and am so happy I met. And they're smart and incredibly informed. I sort of participated on my Aug13 bmb here but never got super integrated. I wouldn't say that group of ladies was any more "science savvy' than my babycenter group, though.
Cheating? Like, infidelity?
My first son was born in 2007. My babycenter Sept 2007 BMB is still a super tight knit group. It was more diverse, I think. There are many people in the group that annoy me, but there are also a lot of ladies whom I love and am so happy I met. And they're smart and incredibly informed. I sort of participated on my Aug13 bmb here but never got super integrated. I wouldn't say that group of ladies was any more "science savvy' than my babycenter group, though.
QBFYes, like infidelity. There have also been a few super young moms, there's a post recently about a 16 year old who decided she wanted a baby. I haven't seen that or infidelity here. That's not to say that everyone on baby center is in a pickle, a lot of them are really smart and fun to participate with. It's so interesting how different the June board is between each site!
DD born June 2016
Second due August 2020 (team green!)
What's your question?
I won't scrutinize 
I guess I'm just looking for reassurance that these people are over-reacting and this isn't something I should be worrying about right now. I find it annoying that one of the first things people say when they find out I'm pregnant is "you'll have to have a C-Section, right?" Ummm step off! Haha
DD born June 2016
Second due August 2020 (team green!)
You shouldn't worry about what they are telling you. Our bodies know what to do, and while some babies are too big, it's not common and there are often other factors in play that aren't based on the mom being too small to deliver (at least from what I've read).
@CopperLane I'll check out that thread! Didn't know it existed
DD born June 2016
Second due August 2020 (team green!)
It's just like people telling my mum she wouldn't make much milk because she had small breasts! Lol...what idiots. We all know boobs size has nothing to do with it...
----Edited for QBF------
Oh man, me too! @samsonator , how do you even respond to that???
The fact anyone says anything to you blows my mind. People can be so rude and I am sorry.
DST T4L