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Your child and the inlaws

kitkat666kitkat666 member
in September 2015 Moms
How often does your child see your inlaws? just curious what the norm is... :)
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Re: Your child and the inlaws

  • ForeverEverAfterForeverEverAfter member
    All of our parents are out of province-of our immediate families, only my MIL, stepFIL and 1 sibling of 10 have met the baby.

    We facetime my MIL 3 times a week if that counts as seeing :)
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  • tlc11934tlc11934 member
    My in laws live across the country unfortunately. My MIL came for a week when DD was 2 weeks and is coming back this week for a few days with my FIL this time. I love them and wish they lived closer. When they were two hours away we saw them one weekend a month. My mom lives nearby and is here about 4-5 times per week.
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  • chelseajeanenechelseajeanene member
    Not since Halloween and I could care less. His father has lost my trust and current privileges for the time being. He'll be over for thanksgiving in a couple weeks but I wish he wasn't even coming to that
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  • kitkat666kitkat666 member
    We see them at least once a week if not more and I've been given s guilt trip about it so was just curious what others experiences were :) my family lives overseas and we skype at least once a week so I didn't think there was anything wrong with only seeing them once a week also.
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  • yellowbean15yellowbean15 member
    Yeah we also see in-laws once a week. They are 45 minutes away. They would prefer to see him more often as well but it just rarely happens. And I'm pretty happy with the once a week arrangement right now anyways. My mil has always been absolutely wonderful but my post pregnancy hormones have made me feel annoyed by her lately. I know it's just me so we may try harder to see them more often once I get over it.
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  • BrandiLaw87BrandiLaw87 member
    We see them once a week and they live about 15 mins away. If we go more than a week, I get major guilt tripped (which I think is stupid.) I can relate to @yellowbean15 my MIL can be great, but since LO came she has been getting on my nerves.
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  • TeacherMom210TeacherMom210 member
    We see them about 4 times a year and that may come to a stop after DH hears the messages his mom has left on our machine this past week. They do what they want, don't listen to what we say, and then lie about it later. So done with them.
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  • KristyhanaKristyhana member
    The in laws come to my house once a week usually and they live about 45 min away.
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  • LouLouLoveLouLouLove member
    Mine are about 45 mins away and we see them probably every 2-3 weeks. My parents are an hour and a half away and we see them about the same. Sometimes more, sometimes slightly less, just depends on what's going on. Life is busy.
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  • visualcircusvisualcircus member
    We try to Skype every 1 to 2 weeks with the inlaws and my parents. They live so far away. :( This year LO will see both sets of grandparents twice.
    DS1 - 8-10-2015 LO2 - EDD 4-30-2017
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  • dmland17dmland17 member
    About every other week. They live 3 hours away.
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  • PickledPlumsPickledPlums member
    We live with my in laws and visit my parents once a week, we live about 7 minutes away.
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  • dmbfan46835dmbfan46835 member
    Couple times a week, they live 5 mins away. MIL was supposed to baby sit when I went back to work but she won't get the whooping cough booster so she's not now. I go back Wednesday and this chick had the nerve to send me a message today saying I could drop off DS tomorrow for a test run to make sure I can be ok without him when I go back. A) she still hasn't had the damn shot so he's not going over there. B) Like I'm gonna give up one of my last 2 days with my little man to make sure I can handle being away from him. Guess what... I know I can't and I'm gonna be a mess regardless. I said no and she gave some shitty passive aggressive response about how she should have known better and she will just stop bothering me. They used to be dream in laws. I thought knead so lucky... Until LO was born. It turned on the crazy switch for her.
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  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    Once a week for sure, sometimes twice a week if something special is going on. My MIL will be watching our baby while I'm at work two half-days a week, so I wanted them to get to know each other before I go back to work. She's been coming over at least once a week for a few hours and I usually go out and run errands during that time.

    They would see him more, but MIL likes to plan last-minute events ... I'm talking 2-5 hours before, so we always decline. She knows I'm a planner ... I was before baby and I definitely am now! Eventually if we turn her down enough I'm hoping she'll get the hint and start planning things in advance. We've told her at least five times we need at least 24 hours notice. Oy!
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  • rachelb51212rachelb51212 member
    We see them once or twice a week. We live 5 minutes from both sets of parents. Although I get guilt-tripped about them "never" seeing him, so when we do go over there they completely ignore DH and I and only pay attention to the baby. He was supposed to be falling asleep for his nap the other night and my FIL kept coming over to his carseat while we were eating dinner and I asked him if he was going to keep doing that and he said "well I never get to see him!" Like he hadn't seen him in a month when it had been 4 days. It's like they expect to see him every day or something!
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  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    rachelb51212 said:

    We see them once or twice a week. We live 5 minutes from both sets of parents. Although I get guilt-tripped about them "never" seeing him, so when we do go over there they completely ignore DH and I and only pay attention to the baby. He was supposed to be falling asleep for his nap the other night and my FIL kept coming over to his carseat while we were eating dinner and I asked him if he was going to keep doing that and he said "well I never get to see him!" Like he hadn't seen him in a month when it had been 4 days. It's like they expect to see him every day or something!

    Ugh! That's my pet-peeve! Don't people realize babies need to nap or we deal with the consequences later? And it's not like they sleep through everything anymore!

    I'm already devising my plan of attack for Thanksgiving. Our rock n play, white noise machine, and monitor are coming with to the parents and in-laws and when it's time for baby's nap, I'm whisking him up alone to an empty bedroom and helping him fall asleep away from all the craziness. And no, you can't hold him while he sleeps!
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  • cait040415cait040415 member
    edited November 2015
    We live an hour away from my in laws and five minutes from my parents and all see baby at least once a week, if not more..

    On that note, I would like to ask: what is it about grandchildren that turns otherwise rational and normal adults into total psychos?!? I'm talking my in laws AND parents. Totally obsessed with my kid and lots of passive aggressive comments about how we are parenting and how they don't get to see/hold her enough..maybe it's post partum hormones but both sets have driven me a little batty since LO arrived...curse of the first grand baby for one set and being the only close one for the other... I know I shouldn't complain but man... Lol!!!

    Edited for spelling!
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  • jessbruxanovaajessbruxanovaa member
    edited November 2015
    Every other day and it's very annoying. if we go more than 3 days without bringing him over they're calling SO and asking him why I'm hiding the baby from them. What a stupid thing to say. My in laws think they know it all and try to tell me what to do and not do with my kid. Wish we lived further away because they're smothering my kid.
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  • jbettlesjbettles member
    My in laws live about 6 blocks away so we see them all the time. My husband's brother and his family used to live across the street so they would go see them pretty frequently, too, but they just moved 13 hours away. So we have been seeing his parents more. They are great, though, and shower my kids with affection. Never turn us down to watch them and spoil them rotten (in a good, non-monetary way).
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  • TahoeAugustTahoeAugust member
    Every single day - we live with them!! Grandma is a retired midwife and showed us everything at the beginning and ahe watches him when we go run errands or catch up on sleep. This isn't a forever solution but it's amazing so far. I feel so lucky. I had a very close relationship with my grandmother and it makes me tear up watching them "talking" to each other. LO gets this adorable ear to ear smile... of course he still knows who the boss is - I'm the one holding him through gassiness and talking to him at 3 in the morning... I know he probably won't remember this when he gets older but I hopeit causes him to have a great rrelationship with his grandparents. And my morher is out of the country yet seeing her through skype is enough for now. She still makes me feel like I'm doing everything wrong in that short time. .. It depends on the grandma!!!
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  • jacksonsmomma11jacksonsmomma11 member
    Every other week at the least. The past 3 weeks it's been every week. I absolutely love my mil, and she's very helpful, yet non-intrusive with my stink bug. The only thing annoying she does is she puts up a fight if he's hungry and she's holding him because she wants to give a bottle!
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  • tlc11934tlc11934 member
    @TahoeAugust it's great that you're getting this time. We lived with my parents with DD1 and they very helpful. We went to bed at 10 and they stayed up til midnight so they'd always give DD her last bottle and rock her to sleep. They have a very special relationship that DD2 didn't get. Our pedi told us that the more caregivers a baby has, the more well rounded they will turn out. That they're generally more accepting and flexible. Enjoy your time!
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  • CRooney89CRooney89 member
    My boyfriend's mom has only asked to see the baby TWICE and she lives 20 minutes away!!!!!! Her loss!
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  • nanako0nanako0 member
    We live with them so... everyday. If baby misses seeing them one day they'll go on about how they haven't seen her lol I don't mind because it helps us out financially being here and they make sure we don't go hungry by cooking dinner most nights which is really thoughtful.
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  • rachelb51212rachelb51212 member
    edited November 2015
    @jen83mn

    I ended up holding him just so he would leave him alone and the baby could get some rest! It is so annoying!

    @cait040415 I totally understand about the adults being crazy! My in-laws go absolutely gaga over baby and actually straight up ignore DH and I when we come over there now. They just sit on the couch making goo goo noises at the baby and saying made-up words to him. It's crazy! Poor baby gets overstimulated and ends up crying for me by the end of the holding session. I can only hope it'll get better with them (DS is 9 weeks now) but I don't know how much more I can take in the meantime!
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  • saybaby97saybaby97 member
    We live a mile from my in-laws and 40 minutes from my parents.  My in-laws watch my twins 3 days per week, and my parents do two days.  So we are VERY lucky.  However, my in-laws have been a bit much.  Last week they were over 5 days in a row.  And it didn't end when DH and I got home from work.  Multiple times they stayed to have dinner with us, uninvited.  And there are 3 of them.  My MIL, FIL and brother-in-law.  We are trying to find a tactful way of explaining that we need some quieter time to just be a family with the babies and older two kids.
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  • hakettlerhakettler member
    A couple times a week. I don't mind though, my MIL is very helpful even though she does have lots of opinions I don't always agree with! But she never turns us down to watch the LO and she's incredibly attentive to her. My dad sees her once a week or so and that's also great! My mom lives across the country. I wish she was closer, she would watch her all the time for us too.
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  • yellowbean15yellowbean15 member
    Oh the acting like DH and I don't exist bothers me more than I thought it would. My MIL takes it a step further by actively telling us to leave so she can have DS to herself.

    I let her watch him once a week while I run errands because I know she wants to and i want them to have a close relationship. But she grabs baby and shoos me out of the house as soon as she gets here and when I come back she ALWAYS says something along the lines of "Aw noo your back already? Don't you have something else you can go and do? We were having fun without you" Well, nice to see you too...and it's not like I kick her out when I get home. She can stay as long as she likes! It's starting to rub me the wrong way. But I know I'm extra sensitive right now and I'm sure she'll chill out eventually. She also hates when I take him from her to feed him (I EBF). She always tries to hold it off, saying "we don't need mom" and just rocking him faster and sticking a soother in his mouth to get him to quit fussing haha. He's hungry! You will survive not holding him for 15 minutes while he eats. I always give him right back.

    Wow, obviously I needed to get that out haha. I love how much she loves our son and I know he/we are lucky. I am grateful for her but I'm just currently annoyed. Im trying to get over my sensitivity to the situation. (My mom doesn't live near us but I've been overly sensitive about some things she's said over the phone as well, so I'm not just ragging on the MIL).

    But grandparents be crazy.
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  • cait040415cait040415 member
    Haha @yellowbean!!! I know I shouldn't complain; my parents and in laws have been super helpful and watch baby every time we've asked, no questions asked. It's nice to have them so involved, even if they are a little overly enthusiastic sometimes!!! Lol
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  • yellowbean15yellowbean15 member
    @cait040415 overly enthusiastic is the perfect description! Haha.
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  • kzangs15kzangs15 member
    yellowbean15 said:
    Oh the acting like DH and I don't exist bothers me more than I thought it would. My MIL takes it a step further by actively telling us to leave so she can have DS to herself. I let her watch him once a week while I run errands because I know she wants to and i want them to have a close relationship. But she grabs baby and shoos me out of the house as soon as she gets here and when I come back she ALWAYS says something along the lines of "Aw noo your back already? Don't you have something else you can go and do? We were having fun without you" Well, nice to see you too...and it's not like I kick her out when I get home. She can stay as long as she likes! It's starting to rub me the wrong way. But I know I'm extra sensitive right now and I'm sure she'll chill out eventually. She also hates when I take him from her to feed him (I EBF). She always tries to hold it off, saying "we don't need mom" and just rocking him faster and sticking a soother in his mouth to get him to quit fussing haha. He's hungry! You will survive not holding him for 15 minutes while he eats. I always give him right back. Wow, obviously I needed to get that out haha. I love how much she loves our son and I know he/we are lucky. I am grateful for her but I'm just currently annoyed. Im trying to get over my sensitivity to the situation. (My mom doesn't live near us but I've been overly sensitive about some things she's said over the phone as well, so I'm not just ragging on the MIL). But grandparents be crazy.
    I don't think you're being overly sensitive at all - that would piss me off!!
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  • yellowbean15yellowbean15 member
    @kzangs15 well that makes me feel better about being annoyed by it all. At least it's not completely just me! I imagine it will get better as everyone gets used to their new roles. I have never had anything but positive experiences with mil until LO was born!
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  • MiromiMMiromiM member
    Mine (only one) lives in Alaska. Right now we're in Texas. Maybe a few times a year. Thankfully.
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  • troopersmomtroopersmom member
    My in laws came to visit our son once. While here they took out a camera, asked if they could take pictures, and took pictures of his closet, crib, and outfits they had bought him....

    They ask to come visit, we set time aside, then they send an email cancelling because they have a sore throat....
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  • thinkpink101thinkpink101 member
    Never. My MIL passed away before dh and I met and once she died the rest of his family fell apart. FIL came to visit once when DS1 was a few months old...12 years ago. He doesn't remember the kids' names not has he ever remembered anyone's birthday...including dh's. None of his three brothers talk to each other or to dh. Sad but we can't change them. We see my parents once a year, they live in France. They are generous and send postcards and Skype the boys often, but they aren't very good with them in person. They very much favor my sister's girls and keep complaining about how loud/active/rough boys are. They were not thrilled that #4 was a boy also.

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  • aharders89aharders89 member
    edited November 2015
    We're about 3 hours away from the in laws, soon to be 4.5 hours away and DH and I both with it was farther lol. They've seen LO twice and my MIL is incredibly annoying when she's around her. The first time they were here LO was only 4 days old and my milk had just come in so it was a long day of nursing very frequently and my MIL made comments like "well we didn't come all the way here to see her on your boob the whole time now let us hold her." She tried to be nice by cooking us a pot of soup to have on hand, but ended up just making digs at me. She brought all of her own pots/pans and groceries from home because "she knew I didn't cook"..... We literally never eat out and I cook all the time! Then bossed DH around having him help her clean everything. Also, she literally cried the whole 3 hour trip home because she didn't want to leave her
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  • nicolelynn915nicolelynn915 member
    Depends on the week but my mil at least once a week sometimes more. I don't mind that she will buy things for LO like clothes and diapers but she is very opinionated. She always tries to tell me what to do and how which, I'm getting really sick of hearing. It's never oh maybe try this or that it's always do this or that which is really starting to get on my nerves. Plus when I'll say something about how to care for LO she won't even listen and just do whatever she thinks. Or if she does listen it seems like there is always some sort of dig in there and always a comparison to her own kids. It's not like she has to do exactly what I've said but I know my baby better than anyone else I'm with her day and night at least acknowledge what I've said. She believes she is always right. She even told me that I should be giving my daughter rice cereal in her milk at 6 weeks... Um no... Then when we went to our two month appointment she again tried to insist. I just told her the pediatrician said absolutely not and he will tell us when it's okay and she finally hasn't brought it up for a while. Plus she smokes... I told her if ever smoked around my daughter she wouldn't get to see her and she wouldn't be holding her if she smelled like a cigarette.
    My parents on the other hand are amazing! Right after LO was born my mom would come over to help around the house dishes laundry sweeping or whatever needed to be done. She would obviously want to hold the baby but would ask what she could do to help us first. When mil would come over she would just hold the baby and that was it. Actually expecting me to wait on her. It was so frustrating because I didn't need help holding LO I needed help with other things! Once I even asked her to help with something specific and she wouldn't even help just pretty much laughed and wouldn't give me LO back. After that I made sure to make a comment how my mom came over because I specifically asked her to. My mom has been so great about helping whenever I need it watching LO but also not just taking her. She will wait until I'm ready to hand her over. Doesn't overstimulate her and is absolutely supportive of breastfeeding. She also even would ask how I like things done. She understands how things are and has been amazing!! I can't speak enough of her.
    Mil just stopped over and woke up LO who was peacefully sleeping because she needed to hold her and play with her. How frustrating!! You don't wake a sleeping baby...
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  • BrandiLaw87BrandiLaw87 member
    nicolelynn915 said:

    When mil would come over she would just hold the baby and that was it. Actually expecting me to wait on her. It was so frustrating because I didn't need help holding LO I needed help with other things! .

    Ugh this. My MIL would do the same thing. She would tell me (not ask) that she is coming to help me at whatever time. She shows up late and then sits and hold LO while I did chores or did stuff with DS. This is not helping, this is making things harder because now I am on her schedule and have an extra person to take care of!

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  • MufflerloveMufflerlove member
    5 mins away and twice a month maybe average though it's been at least a month this time. This is baby two.
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  • TabulaRasa25TabulaRasa25 member
    edited November 2015
    Almost every day, one or the other or both (they've been divorced for over 20 years, but are on amicable terms).

    My MIL lives about three blocks away, and my FIL lives maybe three miles away.  They do a rotation of stopping in most days, because I leave for my night classes at 5 p.m. and my husband gets home from work between 5:30 and 5:45, so they handle the gap. They also stop in intermittently.  My MIL lives in an apartment, but she composts, and uses our bin, so she'll stop by with scraps to compost pretty regularly. 

    I get along well with my in-laws. My MIL is pretty awesome.  My FIL is socially awkward, but he's a kind man. My own parents, to whom I'm very close, live 500 miles away, so it's nice to have good in-laws close by and have nearby grandparents for my son. I grew up a mile from my grandma, and we were always close, and that relationship was very shaping in my life.    

    He's also their only grandchild and they are over the moon.  However, they are both very respectful people and are very conscious to not overstep. 


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