I think you do whatever you want! My 1st and 2nd sons are 6 years apart so I did have 2. I'm now pregnant again 2nd and 3rd babies are only 2 years apart this time and if someone want to give me a party that's great expecially if it's going to be my 1st girl. Don't let people tell you how to celebrate your baby, now that is what's tacky!
The thing with this argument is that it's not all about you. Since a shower involved guests, you should really consider their feelings as well. You just had a shower 2 years ago. It really shouldn't fall on the shoulders of your friends and family to outfit your nursery every time you decide to procreate.
Also, showers do not celebrate the baby, who isn't even born yet and not there to be celebrated. Showers celebrate the mother to be, which is why they are for first time moms.
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
Easy tiger. This thread was literally asking for opinions on the subject of multiple showers. The people on this board disagreeing with them certainly didn't make up this particular etiquette rule today. People obviously don't have to follow that rule of thumb and I think it's great that we have an avenue to discuss topics that we don't all agree on.
Me: 27 DH: 30 Married in 2011 Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014) Baby 2: Due May 2016
For what it's worth, I would never bring nor expect anyone to bring a gift to a sex/gender reveal party. To me, that's an excuse to eat cupcakes, BBQ and have drinks (for those who are not pregnant). Seriously, have we turned into a world where we have to bring a gift to every get together?
Exactly! We are having one to share with family and friends, play some fun games and socialize, not ask for gifts.
For me, since I am basically either at work or home with my toddler, a shower would be a wonderful excuse to pretend I have something like a social life. We moved across the country after my son was born, and have very few friends locally still and never any time to have people over. So I would love a baby shower even if people didn't bring gifts just for an excuse to have a party and have company.
I feel like for the people who say they want a get together to celebrate their 2/3/4 but no gifts, why would you call it a baby shower then? Why not just a party/dinner or whatever? I guess what a lot of people are describing doesn't sound like a shower so why call it that?
ETA when you call it a baby shower gifts are part of the expectation (in general).
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
There's always one that reacts like this. It's almost scripted.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
My family is very Southern and it is taboo to have a shower after the first baby and a relative cannot throw the shower for you. I have to hear it from the women in my family when my in-laws (or friends) do something they see as wrong. I find there is room to bend the rules. For my second baby, I got a group of my girlfriends (five of us) together and we went to dinner. I took a group picture and added it to the baby book to show Baby #2 that he was celebrated. I will probably do the same for baby #3.
I definitely agree with the idea of a second shower, but with simple basics like diapers, wipes, those sorts of things. Unless it's a different sex...idk. I have a feeling my mom will want to throw me another shower for this lo, but I don't want it to be about presents. It's more of a get together, food, and seeing family before the baby comes.
Id also like to add that I was not aware you were supposed to take a gift to a gender reveal party...we are going to have one this time so everyone finds out at once and no one calls me constantly before I even know. Reading on several of these boards I see gifts are expected? Shows how much I know
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
Sigh.
Sure, you can choose to do whatever you want. It doesn't mean you won't offend anyone in the process.
Why does celebrating your baby have to mean a party in your honor requiring people to bring you gifts? That really doesn't celebrate the baby. It celebrates you,
You want to celebrate your baby, that's great. All of my babies have been celebrated at their Baptism. When they are actually present.
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
THIS! My SIL had a baby shower about a week from my wedding and it was totally a celebration of her. I'm not that kind of person at all, so I've told my mom and best friend NO baby shower. Instead well have a "meet the baby" party so people can see our baby and get us things we need. We've also told all our friends and family that were trying not to get the baby too much stuff (considering they got my nephew PILES of presents and it takes up his whole room and half their living room) so they need to text us before they purchase so we can approve things. Setting up those boundaries has been so worth it! I don't need a thousand things and neither does my baby.
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
THIS! My SIL had a baby shower about a week from my wedding and it was totally a celebration of her. I'm not that kind of person at all, so I've told my mom and best friend NO baby shower. Instead well have a "meet the baby" party so people can see our baby and get us things we need. We've also told all our friends and family that were trying not to get the baby too much stuff (considering they got my nephew PILES of presents and it takes up his whole room and half their living room) so they need to text us before they purchase so we can approve things. Setting up those boundaries has been so worth it! I don't need a thousand things and neither does my baby.
Please be kidding.
You told people they have to text you what they plan to purchase as a gift to you so you can "approve" it first? Wow. if one of my friends or relatives did this, I would not even bother with a gift. Holy ungrateful entitlement.
Also, it's not anyone's responsibility to get you what you need for your baby, it's yours. Because you are the parent.
I'm seriously shocked that anyone would think this was ok to do. It's just disgustingly rude.
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
THIS! My SIL had a baby shower about a week from my wedding and it was totally a celebration of her. I'm not that kind of person at all, so I've told my mom and best friend NO baby shower. Instead well have a "meet the baby" party so people can see our baby and get us things we need. We've also told all our friends and family that were trying not to get the baby too much stuff (considering they got my nephew PILES of presents and it takes up his whole room and half their living room) so they need to text us before they purchase so we can approve things. Setting up those boundaries has been so worth it! I don't need a thousand things and neither does my baby.
@CharminglySouthern my SIL sent us all a list of what we were SUPPOSED to get our nieces for Christmas. She told us in the email to please send her the links of where we got the items and which ones so she could mark them off the list and let everyone else know that those were no longer available for gifting. She might have a TINY control problem . That email made me want to get them the exact opposite of what she tells me. My husband and I wanted to start getting the girls savings bonds, their mom told us we couldn't have the ssn's, fair enough. We told her we would put money into a savings allocated for each child and give the balance to each niece when they turn 18, she told us she didn't trust us to not spend HER CHILDRENS MONEY so we were not to open a savings account for them, her dad was to open a savings account for them and we were to transfer money to each girl for Christmas and birthdays if this is what we wished to do. I told her "thanks for the option, but since it's our money that we are so graciously putting aside for our nieces as gifts that we CHOOSE TO GIVE, And are NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE, we will do it our way and put OUR money into a savings we open for each niece". Gah! Rant over
For real. My DH's family has a habit of getting a thousand things for people. If people don't want my opinion on my baby's stuff they don't have to buy stuff. Like other people have said, getting necessities for my kid is my responsibility. Obviously (maybe not) I'm not going to use the rule for something like Christmas, or a birthday. These are people who have the means and the desire to buy something for my kid every day. I can't handle that much stuff, could anyone?
@CharminglySouthern my SIL sent us all a list of what we were SUPPOSED to get our nieces for Christmas. She told us in the email to please send her the links of where we got the items and which ones so she could mark them off the list and let everyone else know that those were no longer available for gifting. She might have a TINY control problem . That email made me want to get them the exact opposite of what she tells me. My husband and I wanted to start getting the girls savings bonds, their mom told us we couldn't have the ssn's, fair enough. We told her we would put money into a savings allocated for each child and give the balance to each niece when they turn 18, she told us she didn't trust us to not spend HER CHILDRENS MONEY so we were not to open a savings account for them, her dad was to open a savings account for them and we were to transfer money to each girl for Christmas and birthdays if this is what we wished to do. I told her "thanks for the option, but since it's our money that we are so graciously putting aside for our nieces as gifts that we CHOOSE TO GIVE, And are NOT OBLIGATED TO GIVE, we will do it our way and put OUR money into a savings we open for each niece". Gah! Rant over
For the record for those of you who thought I was nuts for telling people to let us know before they bought stuff for our baby, know that I think your SIL is nuts. Someone wants to set up a fund for your kid, you say "yes thank you".
Who died and made you the baby shower etiquette police? You can celebrate your new baby anyway and anytime you want! If your that stuck up then don't attend! I never threw any of my showers and never would! If my real friends want celebrate with me than awesome!
THIS! My SIL had a baby shower about a week from my wedding and it was totally a celebration of her. I'm not that kind of person at all, so I've told my mom and best friend NO baby shower. Instead well have a "meet the baby" party so people can see our baby and get us things we need. We've also told all our friends and family that were trying not to get the baby too much stuff (considering they got my nephew PILES of presents and it takes up his whole room and half their living room) so they need to text us before they purchase so we can approve things. Setting up those boundaries has been so worth it! I don't need a thousand things and neither does my baby.
Super thankful we are not relatives or friends IRL.
I can't help but notice the multiple posts before mine explaining that you are the one responsible for your baby's stuff needs and after I explain how I've set a boundary with my family about stuff it turns into me being ungrateful. Every mom is different and every family is different. My family needs strong boundaries to allow my minimalist parenting style to work, and they are all okay and comfortable with it (I've asked multiple times and told them in advance stuff I'll never say no to). Some moms have fewer means than I do so they need family help and support- that's okay! Some moms like all the fuss and presents- that's okay too! And some moms don't need either- and that's okay.
I can't help but notice the multiple posts before mine explaining that you are the one responsible for your baby's stuff needs and after I explain how I've set a boundary with my family about stuff it turns into me being ungrateful. Every mom is different and every family is different. My family needs strong boundaries to allow my minimalist parenting style to work, and they are all okay and comfortable with it (I've asked multiple times and told them in advance stuff I'll never say no to). Some moms have fewer means than I do so they need family help and support- that's okay! Some moms like all the fuss and presents- that's okay too! And some moms don't need either- and that's okay.
Being responsible for getting what you need and telling people what they can and can't get you are not the same. When someone wants gives you a gift, to so anything less than accept it is ungrateful. You can always sell or return things you don't need.
Saying no second or third baby shower is like saying that "you had a birthday party once, you don't get anymore." Or we gave you Christmas gifts last year, nope never again. That's silly. People love to celebrate, people love to give gifts. Most people will only give to their personal limit, which can be minimal or huge. We've celebrated all of my sisters' children, 5 of them, and had a good time at all no matter who showed up or what they brought. I haven't found that people register for things they don't need. If you know the kind of person that would put expensive stuff just to get new stuff then you know you know them and make the decision from there. I hope that no one reading this thread wants to have a party and changed their mind because of it. I think this is the most judgy one I've read from the bump. Geez people, lighten up, you're bringing a life into the world. Celebrate while you can. A lot of nasty in the world to deal with.
I was watching David Tuttera (sp?) the other night and it featured a THIRD bridal shower for Vanessa Williams. I just shock my head the whole time thinking not only is this tacky, but the woman is a millionaire. She can buy her own sheets and towels.
I checked Emily Post to see what the correct etiquette for a second shower is. While I still think it's not in great taste to throw another shower (bridal or baby), if you are going to, pls at least follow "the rules"
I was watching David Tuttera (sp?) the other night and it featured a THIRD bridal shower for Vanessa Williams. I just shock my head the whole time thinking not only is this tacky, but the woman is a millionaire. She can buy her own sheets and towels.
I checked Emily Post to see what the correct etiquette for a second shower is. While I still think it's not in great taste to throw another shower (bridal or baby), if you are going to, pls at least follow "the rules"
For what it's worth, Emily Post is deceased. I believe the website is the product of her daughters in law and she's probably rolling over in her grave.
Saying no second or third baby shower is like saying that "you had a birthday party once, you don't get anymore." Or we gave you Christmas gifts last year, nope never again. That's silly. People love to celebrate, people love to give gifts. Most people will only give to their personal limit, which can be minimal or huge. We've celebrated all of my sisters' children, 5 of them, and had a good time at all no matter who showed up or what they brought. I haven't found that people register for things they don't need. If you know the kind of person that would put expensive stuff just to get new stuff then you know you know them and make the decision from there. I hope that no one reading this thread wants to have a party and changed their mind because of it. I think this is the most judgy one I've read from the bump. Geez people, lighten up, you're bringing a life into the world. Celebrate while you can. A lot of nasty in the world to deal with.
Not even a little the same.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
Miss Manners doesn't recommend that a pregnant woman have a baby shower if she is welcoming any other child other than her first. The purpose of baby showers is to equip the guest of honor with all the items she needs to care for her first baby; once the woman is having a second or third child, it's in better taste for her to have a small, informal gathering if her close friends and loved ones insist on having a celebration for her. Setting up a gift registry for a shower that isn't for the guest of honor's first child is bad manners, and gives the impression that the honoree is begging for gifts.
Saying no second or third baby shower is like saying that "you had a birthday party once, you don't get anymore." Or we gave you Christmas gifts last year, nope never again. That's silly. People love to celebrate, people love to give gifts. Most people will only give to their personal limit, which can be minimal or huge. We've celebrated all of my sisters' children, 5 of them, and had a good time at all no matter who showed up or what they brought. I haven't found that people register for things they don't need. If you know the kind of person that would put expensive stuff just to get new stuff then you know you know them and make the decision from there. I hope that no one reading this thread wants to have a party and changed their mind because of it. I think this is the most judgy one I've read from the bump. Geez people, lighten up, you're bringing a life into the world. Celebrate while you can. A lot of nasty in the world to deal with.
You can still have a party and celebrate. It's just that the purpose of a shower is literally to have an event centered around the mother receiving gifts. You're right that people love to give gifts. That's why you don't have to request gifts from anyone by sending an encore shower invitation. They will give a gift if they want to regardless.
Me: 27 DH: 30 Married in 2011 Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014) Baby 2: Due May 2016
Miss Manners doesn't recommend that a pregnant woman have a baby shower if she is welcoming any other child other than her first. The purpose of baby showers is to equip the guest of honor with all the items she needs to care for her first baby; once the woman is having a second or third child, it's in better taste for her to have a small, informal gathering if her close friends and loved ones insist on having a celebration for her. Setting up a gift registry for a shower that isn't for the guest of honor's first child is bad manners, and gives the impression that the honoree is begging for gifts.
I plan to do a gender reveal, and there are no gifts involved. I do plan to make mine smaller. Close family and friends having dinner and guessing and at the end we will cut a cake to see what the gender is. Easy and not asking for anything other than to share that moment with the people close to me.
I'm planning on having a gender reveal party to share the moment with family and close friends, not asking for gifts, never knew gender reveal paeties were meant for that. I have two older children 11 and 13, a boy and a girl. I had two showers, the first given by my mother and aunts and the second by one of my best friends. I see no problem with multiple showers if someone wants to throw one for you. To each their own, I honestly never knew there was a certain etiquette for multiple showers. I guess where I'm from everyone just gets excited and wants to celebrate. I never asked for a shower they were offered and everyone had a blast both times. I've already been offered a shower this time around and I see nothing wrong with it! I'm also planning on throwing my best friend one for her third baby... So if someone wants to be excited with you and wants to give you another shower I say let them. It's a celebration of baby and mom, why not?
Re: Multiple Baby Showers
Also, showers do not celebrate the baby, who isn't even born yet and not there to be celebrated. Showers celebrate the mother to be, which is why they are for first time moms.
Married in 2011
Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
Baby 2: Due May 2016
ETA when you call it a baby shower gifts are part of the expectation (in general).
- BFP: 3/10/16 — Baby Girl born 11/20/16
TTC#2 April 2019I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
Little brother was born October 1, 2012.
Sure, you can choose to do whatever you want. It doesn't mean you won't offend anyone in the process.
Why does celebrating your baby have to mean a party in your honor requiring people to bring you gifts? That really doesn't celebrate the baby. It celebrates you,
You want to celebrate your baby, that's great. All of my babies have been celebrated at their Baptism. When they are actually present.
You told people they have to text you what they plan to purchase as a gift to you so you can "approve" it first? Wow. if one of my friends or relatives did this, I would not even bother with a gift. Holy ungrateful entitlement.
Also, it's not anyone's responsibility to get you what you need for your baby, it's yours. Because you are the parent.
I'm seriously shocked that anyone would think this was ok to do. It's just disgustingly rude.
Obviously (maybe not) I'm not going to use the rule for something like Christmas, or a birthday. These are people who have the means and the desire to buy something for my kid every day. I can't handle that much stuff, could anyone?
Every mom is different and every family is different. My family needs strong boundaries to allow my minimalist parenting style to work, and they are all okay and comfortable with it (I've asked multiple times and told them in advance stuff I'll never say no to). Some moms have fewer means than I do so they need family help and support- that's okay! Some moms like all the fuss and presents- that's okay too! And some moms don't need either- and that's okay.
I checked Emily Post to see what the correct etiquette for a second shower is. While I still think it's not in great taste to throw another shower (bridal or baby), if you are going to, pls at least follow "the rules"
I prefer Miss Manners.
I lurk. I snark. I offer sound advice if you're not BSC. You may not like me. I'm okay with it.
@charminglysouthern, I like miss manners etiquette even better!
Subsequent Baby Showers
Miss Manners doesn't recommend that a pregnant woman have a baby shower if she is welcoming any other child other than her first. The purpose of baby showers is to equip the guest of honor with all the items she needs to care for her first baby; once the woman is having a second or third child, it's in better taste for her to have a small, informal gathering if her close friends and loved ones insist on having a celebration for her. Setting up a gift registry for a shower that isn't for the guest of honor's first child is bad manners, and gives the impression that the honoree is begging for gifts.
Married in 2011
Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
Baby 2: Due May 2016
Everyone's different though.